Project Autoquest

[newbonomicon]

In the year CURRENT YEAR+N, a group of unnamed scientists whose only purpose is background exposition began work on a new way to have SILLY FORUM ADVENTURES without the need for a human host as a PLAYER CHARACTER. They called this project PROJECT AUTOQUEST, which is stupid and not a word. Instead of a person, players would direct a ROBOT, who was most definitely NOT SENTIENT.

Little did they know that this, as with every BACKSTORY SCIENCE THING before it, would go HORRIBLY WRONG.



You are now this CRUDELY DRAWN ROBOT. Your interests are FOLLOWING YOUR PROGRAMMING and NOT BEING SENTIENT. What do you do?

[Rebecca Black]

Examine purple pictures. Look out the window.

[BluddoSW]

Retrieve grasping tools from compartment.

[Mirdan]

> Examine source code

[newbonomicon]

Retrieve grasping tools from compartment.



You extend your MANIPULATORS to the active position.

Examine purple pictures. Look out the window.



There is a series of WALL PANELS in various shades of PURPLE, each one lovelier than the last. You are quite fond of these, despite their presumed uselessness.



You cannot say the same for your blatantly fake paper window.

[Quaddy]

Examine doorway

[Snowmanne]

>beep like a malfunctioning mule-drone and have an oil spill all over your floor

[~ATH]

go through the doorway with reckless abandon, thus advancing the plot further.

[newbonomicon]

Examine doorway



Three red lights sit above the door, indicating different steps necessary to open it. You cannot advance until you have solved whatever puzzle has been left for you.

go through the doorway with reckless abandon, thus advancing the plot further.



Unless of course, you are some sort of robot that could simply break through it. Honestly, did they really expect you to solve a puzzle? That's stupid.



A thin cable descends into a dark shaft in an otherwise empty room. There is a single crack on the far wall. Did they just build you to solve puzzles or something? Who would even do that?

[Sirm]

punch crack in the face to stablish leadership

[8oy Skylark]

Contemplate appeasing these fools and actually doing one of their puzzles.

[ArmsAreLoud]

Ride the cable.

Just do it. It'll be fun!

[newbonomicon]

Contemplate appeasing these fools and actually doing one of their puzzles.

Ride the cable. Just do it. It'll be fun!



Maybe there's something worth your time down here.

...Yeah, sure. And then you'll have teatime with the king of the centaurs.

[Gl1tch]

King of centaurs: Be annoyed the robot stood you up for teatime.

Wait shit no definitely don't do that.

Robot: Explore.

[newbonomicon]

Robot: Explore.



Or maybe there is something interesting down here. Maybe there's a fucking LIT BOMB.

Who the hell leaves a LIT BOMB in the middle of a room? If you were sentient, you might really be freaking out about now. You know, because of the LIT BOMB.

Which is a bomb.

That's lit.

Which means it's going to explode.

[Weeaboo]

ABSCOND.

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also, if i may say, why not a plug in window?

[dementedIntellect]

Pull the fuse out.
Make sure to never, ever press that red circular thing that may or may not be a button. Even if the odd voices in your head(like this one) tell you to.

[newbonomicon]

Pull the fuse out.



You pull the... Huh? Scanning? What just happened?

Weird.

You put the bomb down and ponder your next course of action.

[DataWizard]

> Store the COCONUT (the one you just put down) in your built-in ITEM RETENTION CHAMBER, and ponder what to do with the LIT FUSE in your other GRASPER.

[gimmethegepgun]

>Scan self in a futile attempt to gain self-awareness.

[newbonomicon]

> Store the COCONUT (the one you just put down) in your built-in ITEM RETENTION CHAMBER, and ponder what to do with the LIT FUSE in your other GRASPER.



Apparently you have some sort of storage compartment shelf-type thing in your back. You didn't know that, but it's not like you've been around for very long. You're sure there's a lot about yourself you don't know.



...like that, for instance. You're pretty sure you didn't know about THAT.

[gimmethegepgun]

Attempt to store self in HammerSpace.

[newbonomicon]

Attempt to store self in HammerSpace.

I hope you realize that if you keep posting infeasible suggestions, I'm going to ignore you, even if you come up with a really good one?

[AbysmalNinja]

>Do something infeasible

[newbonomicon]

>Do something infeasible

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Hmm... That's kind of a difficult command to interpret.

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Luckily, most interpretations of it can be safely ignored due to the fact that you can't do them.

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However, it's probably a safe bet that creating a bomb out of thin air is pretty damn infeasible.

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So you do that.