TROLLSLUM CAFE XVII: Last Health Inspection: Never!

[Captain Whosit]

Woop.

Alright, I would just like to start out with a little message. I would like to remind everyone of the big bolded stuff at the bottom of this post. I know that trolls, and some of the other creatures that have been appearing, can tend to be rather rowdy, but I have become a bit concerned lately that it sometimes gets out of hand. I just want to remind everyone that the intent of the Cafe is to be a place to get some free-form, social RP going. Obviously, some rough-housing will be inevitable, but please avoid using characters who are likely to provoke hostile responses by their very nature. I would like the general emphasis to be on social interaction, rather than anti-social interaction.

I do not want to be a cop, but I do want to make sure that this thread is an inviting place for everyone. So, please, do have a good time, but try not to go overboard. I would like the Cafe to be as inviting to new players as possible.

Every where you go, there's places like this; a comfortable place, dimly lit, with coffee and couches and books on the shelves and free wifi and, I don't know, a soup of the day. After the sun comes up they put up the shutters and sell alcohol. It's homey, unless your homelife involves caves and monsters that eat people, which it probablv does, because you're a troll.

It's a good place to have a seat and a cup of coffee, and make a friend, which in your language is the same word as enemy, because... you're a troll.

((And if you are maybe a human, which is a thing that doesn't exist, in another univere pretending to be a troll, maybe this is a good place to roleplay in a casual, social, variably canon setting or try out a new character. Please don't poke the setting too hard and please don't go on any murderous rampages. Honk.

EDIT: Feel free to NPC service when you order something, I can't watch this all the time or reply to every comment. For that matter feel free to assume your troll works here and fill someone's order if you want.

EDIT2: OKAY GUESS WE NEED SOME RULES AFTER ALL.

This is really intended to be a loose social setting for people to fool around and chat and try new characters. It is a not great place for a big brawl in the middle of the room that everyone pretty much has to react to. If you are playing a character who is inevitably going to try and hurt people and provoke this kind of thing, you should really think long and hard about bringing them in here for that reason. If a fight comes up in the course of RP, please take it ''outside' instead of disrupting the whole room. It being in the thread is fine, but it should be set somewhere where new people or people who don't want to be involved can ignore it, please. ))

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The Precursor

[Monster X]

Opabin crawls into the room. He is displeased. No one is interesting. This room is near fucking ransacked. How disgusting.

A land dweller sits nearby, drunken and pathetic.

Opabin withdraws the Hullslayer. It wasn't meant for this. He doesn't really care.

He spears Frankel, aiming for the throat. No useful organs there. The Moorsman is dead before he can wake. Opabin wanders over to the body and picks it up, captchaloging it. It should be safe in his modus, where no rot can get to it. Then Opabin makes his way to the door.

He's got organs to harvest, even if there probably isn't a serviceable liver.

[Teslamagnetic Integration]

Azazel waltzes on into the cafe, sitting at the bar and ordering his usual earl grey tea request. Of course, the glare and threat were present until the order was given, which he compensated gladly.

Ah, relaxation...

[Rai-CH]

A wild Cvetka has appeared! Except not from the backrooms like I had usually intended, seeing as there is a SUPER SECRET PLAN that is about to hatch.
She sits down at a table and waits for a friend, who may or may not be quite troubled at this point in time.

[Captain Whosit]

And as if right on schedule: A mopey Salom appears! He looks around the Cafe a but dully, but finally spots Cvetka and sits down at her table.

...Hey, Cvetka....
...Sorry to drag you out here.... His voice sounds even more listless than usual.

[Rai-CH]

Oh dear, poor Salom looks a lot worse than how he sounded over Trollian! (that totally happened ok)
"~. oh no, ~t's f~ne salom. .~
~. to be honest ~ d~dn't expect you to be ~n th~s state, you d~dn't sound th~s terr~ble over troll~an. .~
~. would you l~ke to tell me what has happened? .~"
Cvetka tries to brighten up the situation by ordering Salom and herself some green tea and chocolate brownies. Because food always makes people happy. No exceptions.

[Captain Whosit]

Salom listens to Cvetka, clearly trying to focus but also clearly a bit out of sorts. Truth be told, he'd rather still be back at his hive, but friends insisted that he get out, so out he is. When the food and drink arrives, he just stares at it, not moving to touch it.

...No, T'd rather not talk about that any more....
...Just... how are you...?

[Rai-CH]

"~. very well. but ~f you ever want to talk to me about ~t, ~'m always free to l~sten. .~"
She sips away at her green tea.
"~. as for how ~'ve been, th~ngs have def~n~tely been clear~ng up. ~ approached zack about the subject of h~s fl~rt~ng, and everyth~ng turned out well ~n the end. .~
~. ~ also talked w~th cardea the other day, but she seemed troubled about someth~ng. ~'m not sure what ~t was, but she left rather qu~ckly. .~"
Cvetka felt a little bit bad telling Salom about how great things have been going, but it was helping him not think about his problems. Hopefully.

[Captain Whosit]

...That's good to hear....

Though he didn't really want to talk about romance related things at all.

...What about your garden...?

[Rai-CH]

"~. my garden? ~t's been go~ng along qu~te well actually. ~'ve st~ll got too much produce left over, so ~'ve been mak~ng l~ttle baskets f~lled w~th d~fferent fru~ts and vegetables to g~ve to people. .~
~. ~n fact, yours ~s just wa~t~ng there at my h~ve. would you l~ke to come back to my h~ve? ~ can g~ve you the basket and then perhaps ~ can show you around aga~n. you never saw the ~ns~de of my h~ve, d~dn't you? .~"
Seeing as Salom isn't touching his food, Cvetka decides that she'll take him to a place that makes her feel better when she's upset.

((Sorry, I have to go in a few minutes already! :c ))

[inexplicableSigns]

The Messenger walks into the cafe, humming cheerfully and being completely unobservant of the current attitude of the thread. She looks around for several seconds before approaching Salom.

She bows and smiles pleasantly.
"one mister salom ebadi, is Thaaat Correct?
i have a package Fooor You."

[Thunder Reign]

Sopora groans and rolls out of her recuperacoon, rubbing her eyes. Oh man, had she really done that last night? Her face flushes purple, but... she doesn't regret it. Not at all. Hahaha!

She pushes the door open to the cafe, calling out in a rare display of confidence.

"Dieeee-....vos???? Where are, you????"

He's not here? Where did he go? Sopora looks around, confused. Um....

[Captain Whosit]

...A package...?

Salom looks puzzled, but takes the box anyway, slowly examining it with detatched curiosity. The color it's wrapped in... he knows it. It's olive. Very familiar. He frowns slightly, feeling very strange about this. The box has an odd weight and balance to it. Something feels very odd. However, he proceeds to unwrap the package and open the lid. When he does, all the color drains from his face.

For what was inside the box was the head of his good friend, Jasmet Pongal, staring at him with blank, dead eyes. Salom is frozen by horror and disbelief, as his mind desperately tries to avoid comprehend what it is seeing. But, slowly, it seems to sink in. He reaches in with a hand to touch Jasmet's cheek, hoping that this is just a well-crafted prop, but on touch, he can tell that it is flesh. Very cold flesh. Salom's hand recoils like it had been bitten by a venomous serpent. Then, he notices what appears to be a slip of paper stuck callously in Jasmet's mouth. Slowly, as though in a daze, he takes it and unfolds it. It is a note, and his eyes scan it, hardly seeming focused.

When he finishes reading, he lets the note drop back into the box, and he slowly closes the lid. To the Messenger, he says in quiet, but clear, monotone: "Who dtd thts?"

[inexplicableSigns]

"i'm afraid i'm not allowed to tell Yooou That."
She waits and watches quietly.


Suddenly Daoshi standing beside Sopora.
"wwe need to talk, sopora."

[Rai-CH]

Wait, what the shit.
Good thing Cvetka didn't see what was inside the package, or she would've passed out or something. What a wuss.
"~. salom? ~s everyth~ng alr~ght? .~"

[Thunder Reign]

She glubs in surprise, the troll's appearance completely distracting her from the fact that oh hey, that dude over there just got a pretty package.
"Excuse, me????"
Who's this guy? And why does he know her name?

[Captain Whosit]

((Anyone not in this scene, I politely request that you refrain from physically intervening.))

Salom sits there, still staring out into space and nods. He nods again. Then he bolts to his feet, sending his chair tumbling away, spins around, and grabs the Messenger by the shirt, pulling her face to his, and furiously demands an answer. "Who sent tt?!" His eyes have focus now, and almost seem to glow with hatred.

The Messenger reaches up and grabs Salom's hands, keeping calm. "let go of Meee, Sir," she demands, completely ignoring his question.

And suddenly it was all too much. Annika, Asudem, the Culler, Shivia, Jasmet, and now this smug piece of filth before him. Whatever reason Salom had left fled him as he took the Messenger by the neck and lifted her off the ground, his eyes wild. His rage, his hatred, his sorrow and grief: All of it was released now. With the force of all these emotions behind him, he slammed the Messenger down onto the nearest table, which creaked and bent under the strain of the blow.

"Answer me!! WHO DTD TT?!" Salom screamed, practically frothing about the mouth as he squeezed the Messenger's throat with both hands, seemingly unaware of the contradiction in demanding answers from the person you are busy throttling.

[Teslamagnetic Integration]

Out comes Zack, because he hears a friend losing it from the backroom.


Yo, what's u



Zack almost jumped in until he noticed the box with a severed head. His disposition dropped immediately.


That's all kinds o' messed up, nah. he said to himself. No shit Zack.

[inexplicableSigns]

Daoshi grins, exposing razor sharp shark teeth. He's a very tall troll, maybe 6'6", wearing a large black cloak. His horns are exactly the same as Dievos' horns, but slightly larger. His eyes are also pitch black.
"ii'm daoshii. ii don't know iif he's told you about me yet. wwe should siit down."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Messenger gasps for air, trying to pull herself free. When this fails, she pulls herself up and kicks Salom in the chest with both boots.

Salom was not expecting a counter-attack. That is to say, he wasn't expecting anything at all, due to the blinding rage an and mind-rotting fury he was experiencing. The blow surprises him, knocks him back, and has the happy result of releasing the Messenger from his grasp. He stumbles for a moment, placing a hand on his chest as if he needs to confirm that something indeed struck him. However, he quickly recovers from his daze, and fixes his gaze on the Messenger, practically snarling.

The Messenger lands on her feet and leaps on to a table, trying to gain any advantage her speed and manueverabilty could offer. She jumps from table to table in an attempt to avoid Salom until he attacks again, leaving himself open for a counterattack.

Salom takes a step towards the Messenger, but then seems to think better of that, insofar as he is thinking. Instead, he takes hold of the table he had just thrown her on and, with a surprisingly display of strength for a pacifist, lifts the table off the floor and hurls it at the Messenger as she hops across the Cafe. As soon as he lets go, he charges after it so that he can take her down when the table hits or when she dodges it.

She leaps over the flying table as it lands, which scatters furniture as it impacts behind her. She tucks into a roll and comes up to her feet, continuing the movement by tackling Salom, hoping to knock him down.

(( Did we mention refrain from intervening? I think we did. ))

[Captain Whosit]

Salom is too focused on his own charge to avoid the counter-attack, and the Messenger's attack knocks him backwards, though he reaches out for her as he falls, trying to grab her.

The Messenger is pulled to the ground with Salom, lashing out in an attempt to force him to let go. She knees him in the gut.

Salom gasps at the blow, but that is the extent to which he seems to acknowledge the blow. His grip has not loosened. In fact, he rolls to the side so that he is on top of the Messenger. Taking her by the shirt, he pulls her up and strikes her with a fierce headbutt--their skulls collide with a loud crack. Salom lets go, attempting to stomp on her gut as he gets to his feet.

The Messenger screams out in pain, dazed by the headbutt long enough that she isn't able to roll away fast enough. She grabs his foot and manages to push it, minimizing the damage by nudging the foot to the side. She's too blinded by pain to strike back, so she does her best to drag herself away from Salom and pulls herself to her feet.

As the Messenger gets up, Salom grabs for the closest thing he can find, which is a wooden chair. He raises it above his head, holding it by the legs, and swings it down at the object of his enmity.

The Messenger ducks to the side, managing to regain some of her balance. She spins around and launches a high kick towards Salom's head.

When the Messenger dodges, the chair strikes the floor, splintering apart, leaving Salom with only a pair of chair legs in his hands. Then the kick to his head connects, which sends him reeling, and sends his glasses flying off in another direction. He stumbles into a nearby table, seemingly dazed, but he soon recovers, displaying the endurance of a madtroll.

[Thunder Reign]

She bares her teeth, unsure what to think of this new troll. Dievos had mentioned there were a few shady characters in his past... was this one of them? Dude was shady enough.

"I'lll listen to what you want to glub, mate. But I have low tolerance for, bullllshit."

[inexplicableSigns]

"pperfectly fiine, madam. aall ii want iis a niice conversatiion."
Daoshi sits down and orders a cup of tea.
"wwhat do you thiink of liittle diieviie?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She lunges forward now, confident that she can avoid his attacks. She kicks at his knees and hops backwards, ready to avoid the inevitable blind flailing.
Salom snarls in rage and pain at the kicks, and responds by flinging one of the table legs at the Messenger's head when she jumps back.

The Messenger leans back as the table leg flies over her head. It smashes into the shelf behind her, shattering several bottles of alcohol and spraying glass over the countertop. She charges at him again, trying to knock the other table leg out of his hand.

Instead, as she charges in, Salom rushes her with his free hand outstretched, grabbing her by the face and shoving her backwards all the way to the bar. Taking advantage of her momentary surprise, he then seizes her by the hair, pulling her head up only to slam it down onto the counter-top. He repeats this again and again, leaving a blue smear where her head strikes the counter.

The Messenger recovers long enough to swat Salom's hand aside and break free, but she falls to the floor as she attempts to stumble away. Salom stalks after her, table leg raised over his head, ready to strike. The Messenger lashes out with a kick, connecting solidly with Salom's torso but he grabs her leg by the ankle with his free hand. Though he winces at the strength of the blow, he raises the makeshift club and brings it solidly down upon her kneecap, shattering it with a loud crunch.

She screams in pain, writhing in agony and swinging wildly at Salom. She's never had to deal with this level of pain before, so she's completely disabled by the sheer intensity of it. She pulls away from Salom and tries to escape, knowing she can't win this fight, but with one leg disabled she can barely hobble.

[Captain Whosit]

Salom will have none of that, and grabs her before she can get too far. With a scream of animalistic rage, he lifts her up and hurls her across the cafe floor. She doesn't fly too far, but she lands hard. He dashes after her, taking a short leap in the air and lands hard with a knee to her chest. Something snaps, but who knows what. Then, still on top of her, he strikes her across the face. He hits her once more. Then again, and again, and again. He has long-since forgotten why he began attack her, consumed completely by rage, loathing, and grief. He keeps on hitting her after she stops struggling, until her face is a bleeding mess and his hands are slick with her blood. Then, panting, spent of energy, his senses slowly begin to return.

He looks at the Messenger, and he looks at his own blood-covered hands. He just stares, having great difficulty comprehending what it was he was about to do... what it was that he had done. He is too panicked and too stunned to think to check for a pulse in the Messenger, though if he had, he would at least find that she was still alive. After several minutes of this silent contemplation, he shakily gets to his feet and stumbles away from the still form of the Messenger, shock written across his face.

((Fight's over, so you can attempt to speak to Salom or treat the victim, but please don't start another fight with him.))

[Belonoid Anoesis]

Hylla Arin walks into the cafe. She is about 9 sweeps old and has an oddly long bug antennae-like horns. Instead of the usual witch's robe, she wears an alternate, and somewhat more proper outfit which is a light stone gray dress.

"-->H3llo...?<--"

[Teslamagnetic Integration]

Zack hangs back a bit as Salom leaves the unconscious Messenger, and decides he'd probably respond better to Cvetk-

Oh fuck Cvetka Zack hoped what he thinks will happen won't.

Instead of thinking about it, Zack's gentlemanly side kicks in, and he just heads towards the victim, checking a pulse on the temple. Cause he's not looking for blood pulses; no, those can be falsified and lied. He was looking for neural impulses. Which, indeed, he felt. The seadweller sighed in relief, wiping his brow. This would be a lot easier on Salom's conscious, nah? Oh god I'm sounding like him.

Ignoring the tirade above, Zack looked around while picking the unconscious troll up, noticing there wasn't really a medic around. Shitkicks