Aisleventure: Make a contract with me and become a magical girl!--THE END

[Brickman]

Warning: This thread is probably going to contain poorly-to-nonexistently marked spoilers for Puella Magi Madoka Magica. In fact it already does as of my writing this. If you're at all the type to watch it and possess an internet connection, though, you'll probably already be spoiled on the big points by now. I'll try not to spoil the ending though.

The strange cat explains his proposition to you. "If you make a contract with me, I can grant you a wish! Any wish your heart desires can be yours. But, in exchange, you will be granted magical powers and be forced to use them to fight evil witches. The witches are dangerous, true, but you can have anything at all in exchange. Surely there is something you want enough to risk your life for it."

"So go ahead! Make a contract with me, and become a magical girl!"

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Aisleventure, so you know the rules. One suggestion per person per update, but I'm forced to acknowledge every inane suggestion you can come up with. Updates whenever I feel like it. How long this goes on is directly related to how varied and unexpected the suggestions are.

And no, I do not need to hear in every post whether or not you've seen the show or your opinion thereof.

edit: It is now time for the Grand Finale. The rules are different for this last round--everyone has up to three suggestions if they want them, but I'm going to skip any that I don't think will be interesting so I can make the final line of endings as epic as possible.

THIS ADVENTURE IS NOW COMPLETED.

[Fuade]

I wish for a genie.

[ArsenicNog]

Make a selfless wish, like protecting a loved one or some junk like that.

[wlzrobert]

Wish to be teleported to a new universe without witches.

[Jacquerel]

Wish not to be a magical girl

[Whimbrel]

I wish to be the Q-B ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

[Brickman]

I wish for a genie.

You tell the cat that you wish for a genie, hoping to get more use out of three wishes than one. A lamp appears in your hands, and you're so busy considering your wishes you barely even pay attention as the cat explains your new powers and creates a strange-looking gem he insists you must keep with you at all times.

Unfortunately, as the story traditionally goes, you spend the first two wishes foolishly and are forced to spend the third one undoing them. At the end you're left with nothing to show for it except your obligation to fight witches, which you find is a bit more forceful than you expected. Specifically, when you try to pass it off for two weeks, you die.

***If you can't even think of one good wish, why would you expect to come up with three?***

Make a selfless wish, like protecting a loved one or some junk like that.

Your brother in the hospital. Nobody will tell you directly but you listened at doors and the doctors don't expect him to survive. Can this wish cure him?

It can and it does. You feel that any danger you yourself have to endure is worth it to protect him, and gladly make your contract. Unfortunately, that turns out to be mostly a result of underestimating your own danger. Not two days after he returns home, you go missing. Your parents frantically seek help from the police, the neighborhood watch, or anybody else, but your body is never found.

Inspired by the inability of the police to help in their hour of need, your brother grows up to be a successful detective, solving many cases deemed impossible by others. But in the one case that matters to him, there are no clues to be found.

***Hey, you still did better than just about everyone in the show.***

(Ending Count: 2)

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The strange cat explains his proposition to you. "If you make a contract with me, I can grant you a wish! Any wish your heart desires can be yours. But, in exchange, you will be granted magical powers and be forced to use them to fight evil witches. The witches are dangerous, true, but you can have anything at all in exchange. Surely there is something you want enough to risk your life for it."

"So go ahead! Make a contract with me, and become a magical girl!"

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I'm already starting to wonder if this was a stupid idea. You don't have to have seen the show, you can probably guess enough from context to make a decent suggestion.

[Fuade]

I was actually going to wish for more genies and to get out of the deal, but, whatever.

[noxious]

I wish for the ability to time-travel as I please.

[Brickman]

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Clearly my misgivings were unjustified since three posts popped up while I was typing.

Wish to be teleported to a new universe without witches.

The cat asks you if you are sure, which should set off warning bells in your head but instead merely convinces you further that you've outsmarted him. You insist, so he begrudgingly sends you to another universe.

It wouldn't be so bad if this other universe just failed to contain a copy of a single person you'd ever met in your own universe. It wouldn't be so bad if humanity had just polluted the air so much that it had been forced to live underground and most people lived their lives without seeing the sun. It probably wouldn't even be so bad if it was just a universe where Hitler was assassinated early on and the Germans won World War II. But no, on top of all that, with no witches to hunt your soul gem quickly corrupts without cure. Before long it becomes a world with exactly one witch.

***Plus side, since that world's no longer eligible the next person who makes that same wish will end up in a world where scientists have ended hunger, invented free energy and found and distributed the secret to immortality and the world is united under one democratic government. She'll still die in a few weeks though.***

Wish not to be a magical girl

You're pretty sure that if it was capable of changing its expression the cat thing would be giving you a funny look, but it obliges your request. You immediately wake up in your bed, nothing seeming different. But it felt so real... was it just a dream?

You spend the rest of your life with questions gnawing away at you, uncertain if that even really happened and beating yourself up over all the things you could have done with a wish. Eventually you manage to convince yourself that it was just a very realistic dream.

***You have successfully taken the blue pill.***

I wish to be the Q-B ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

The cat is a little confused but happily grants your wish. You are now a highly advanced alien tasked with making contracts with little girls to stave off universal entropy. You take to the job well, and before long you're ruining lives and sowing despair like a pro!

***Oh, uhh, spoilers?***

I wish for the ability to time-travel as I please.

As it turns out, the butterfly effect is in full force here. After going back in time fifty years to test out your powers you return to find a present that's almost unrecognizable, with your parents having both married other people and most of your friends being quite different as well. Needless to say, nobody recognizes you.

However, rather than let it get you down, you decide to make the most of the situation by traveling instead to the future. It turns out that 500 years from now there are some surprisingly life-improving inventions that are surprisingly easy to learn the workings of thanks to one of those inventions being able to beam information directly into your head. Using a series of much shorter trips to win the lottery twice and game the stock market, you acquire enough startup funds to bring these future inventions to to life. By the year 2020 the world looks like it did in 2500 and you are the richest and most famous person in the world.

Also, you bring back some future guns that make killing witches a breeze. Man, the future is awesome!

***Wait, I'm not supposed to give you happy endings! You must have cheated somehow!***

(Ending count: 6)

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The strange cat explains his proposition to you. "If you make a contract with me, I can grant you a wish! Any wish your heart desires can be yours. But, in exchange, you will be granted magical powers and be forced to use them to fight evil witches. The witches are dangerous, true, but you can have anything at all in exchange. Surely there is something you want enough to risk your life for it."

"So go ahead! Make a contract with me, and become a magical girl!"

[Fuade]

I wish you were the genie from Aladdin.

[noxious]

Yesssss! Awesome!

[ArsenicNog]

>Wish the whole world was under your tyrannical rule.

[Whimbrel]

I wish I wish I were a fish~

[Jacquerel]

I wish for a happy ending in which nothing horrible happens to me or anyone I know

[billybobfred]

Wish for every scientist, from now until the end of time, to successfully find a verified, easily-produced, side-effect-free cure to anything that can cause the death or permanent dismemberment of a sentient life form within a time period of no more than two weeks from the start of their search.

[Brickman]

I wish you were the genie from Aladdin.

You spend your wish turning the creature into a more benevolent genie, then spend your second wish undoing that whole "contract" thing and all those messy details. You realize that you are now left with one, guaranteed benevolent wish, and no costs.

You decide not to spend your wish right away. You only get one, better not waste it. As days turn into weeks, though, you realize that you didn't really need wishes after all to be happy. The boy you're in love with eventually notices you through your own actions and you go on to have a happy family, a successful career and a long life. On your deathbed, you decide to spend your last wish in the only way that seems even remotely appropriate:

"Genie, I wish you were free!"

***Enough goddamn genies.***

Yesssss! Awesome!

***Indeed.***

>Wish the whole world was under your tyrannical rule.

If a selfless wish costs you as much as a selfish one, you might as well make just-about the most selfish wish you can think of. Specifically, world domination.

You greatly enjoy your life as a despot. You have everything you want, everyone does whatever you say, and for some bizarre reason your magical girl powers are among the strongest the cat creature has ever seen, making the contract almost a non-issue. However, eventually a ragtag gang of misfits manages to infiltrate your citadel and defeat you, freeing the world of your tyranny.

***Maybe if you'd read the Evil Overlord's List first it would have lasted longer.***

I wish I wish I were a fish~

You are now a fish. You quickly suffocate from lack of water.

***Face it, not every suggestion deserves an essay.***

I wish for a happy ending in which nothing horrible happens to me or anyone I know

"No."

"No?"

"No. I am putting my foot down. I am not granting that wish."

"You can do that?"

"Apparently so. Any marginally-less loaded wishes you want to have granted?"

POW! BAM! CRUNCH! VIOLENCE!

"I'll take that *cough* as a no."

***I may or may not be forced to use this one again later.***

(Ending count: 11)

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The strange cat explains his proposition to you. "If you make a contract with me, I can grant you a wish! Any wish your heart desires can be yours. But, in exchange, you will be granted magical powers and be forced to use them to fight evil witches. The witches are dangerous, true, but you can have anything at all in exchange. Surely there is something you want enough to risk your life for it."

"So go ahead! Make a contract with me, and become a magical girl!"

[noxious]

I wish to be immortal. o:

[Whimbrel]

I wish to have cake with my new friend ;-;

[Fuade]

I wish that guy from before wasn't immortal

[ArsenicNog]

Wish for the prettiest magical costume.

[Whimbrel]

I wish for a paradox. A big one!

[Tam Lin]

Wish for an endless supply of marshmallow flavored kyuubeys to eat.

[Jacquerel]

I wish to undo the most recent previous wish that ended badly for the person that made it

[Tam Lin]

Also, I wish to be able to control other peoples' feelings towards me. (Mostly used for the purpose of making people fall the fuck in love with me, but w/e)