Blockheld - an Alternate Alternia

[grimlive95]

Blockheld



A young troll stands in his respiteblock. It just so happens that today, the 27th bilunar perigee of the 1st light season's equinox, is this young troll's wriggling day. Though it was seven solar sweeps ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young troll be?

[noxious]

>Merriam Webster

[Neofafnir]

>Oingo Boingo
or
>Hallock Wyotta

[Spenny1515]

Zippie Myster.

[grimlive95]

Enter name.



Yeah, that's really funny. Your mom and I are very impressed.

Try again, moron.

[KawaiiMelon]

Markmo Thersb. Augh.

[ALLOFTHEUSERNAMES]

Zayak Aquila

(derp derp)

[grimlive95]

Try again.



Examine room.



Your name is ZAYAK AQUILA. As was previously mentioned, it is your WRIGGLING DAY. You never really did celebrate these, but you like the idea of a day that's more important to you than most of the others.

While your room may not look like much, you have a wide assortment of INTERESTS, though only a few actually matter to you. You are very fond of COMPUTERS AND TECHNOLOGY, both old and new. You also like COMICS AND CARTOONS, both SEEING AND DRAWING THEM. You like to play VIDEO GAMES, but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT ANY OF THEM. When you don't feel like doing any of that, you like to watch PRETTY MUCH ANY KIND OF MOVIE, unless it's some awful romcom, because you honestly can't handle the CLICHE BULLSHIT AND PREDICTABLE PLOTS that spew out like raw sewage. You are generally seen to be PRETTY COOL, and hope to one day become a CONFLICT DISSOLVANT, as you've always had a flair for the detective-era FEDORA AND TRENCH-COAT COMBO.

You and your friends have been talking using LDC (Long Distance Communication) channels. Your trolltag is goeticTyphoon and you talk, with like, the weirde5t li5p. it's cra2y. cra2y e%cellent.

What will you do?

[Neofafnir]

>Flap your arms like Albatross wings and jump out the window.
or
>Check out those comics on that drawer beside you.

[Orangestar]

>Destroy computer: You have six others ready to be installed in your room.

[tacticalGenius]

>Retrieve arms, then retrieve ammunition.

[Rational Absurdity]

>ESCAPE THE MAW OF THAT NIGHTMARISH CREATURE TRYING TO EAT YOUR HEAD.

Alternatively...
>Examine movie posters. It's only mandatory.

[ALLOFTHEUSERNAMES]

Be a lithpy detective from a black and white movie and find a poor unsuspecting friend to be your Lady in Red.

[noxious]

>Outline plot of movie depicted on the poster on your left.

[grimlive95]

Zayak: Retrieve arms, then retrieve ammunition.



Arms? Guns aren't really your thing. You like to rely on your trusty scythe.

Zayak: Flap your arms like Albatross wings and jump out the window.



What? No way! Why would anyone ever want to do something that stupid?

Although it does sound kind of fun...

Zayak: Examine movie poster on your left.



You, um. You're not really sure why you even have this.

[Neofafnir]

>Go check out your personal computing device, perhaps see if any of your acquaintances are around for you to commence communications with.

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I don't think I can make that sentence any more convoluted. Translation "Check computer, chat with friends"

[Spenny1515]

>Swing scythe around randomly until something breaks. Then stare at the newly broken object for an hour.

[grimlive95]

Zayak: Check your grubtop, chat with friends.



Oh god. You actually fucking hate this guy.

===->

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-- jossDebel [JD] began trolling goeticTyphoon [GT] at 6:55 --
JD: hey @$$f@ce
JD: h@ppy wr!ggl!ng d@y
JD: ! got you @ g!ft
JD: !t$ @ rem!nder of how much you f@!l @t l!fe
GT: i can't believe you ju5t re-gifted me
GT: i got you the 5ame thing on your wriggling day, and now here you are trying to give it back
JD: ye@h wh@tever noob
JD: ! d!dnt even get to tell you wh@t the g!ft w@$
GT: oh, i can't wait to hear thi5.
JD: no you c@nt bec@u$e you love to know how much more pro ! @m
JD: @nyw@y !t$ th!$ new g@me where you bu!ld $h!t
JD: not my b@g of ch!p$ but !m $t!ll go!ng to be@t you @t !t
GT: your bag of chip5 i5 a jumbo bag of cheeto5 to go with your 200 hour dnd campaign5.
GT: which by the way, i5n't even clo5e to flarping.
GT: anyone who i5 5een playing that game i5 immediately known to all a5 the bigge5t lo5er on the planet.
JD: d@rkne$$ @nd drone$ !$ w@y cooler th@n your we!rd@$$ run @nd jump d!e !n @ p!t g@me$
JD: be$!de$ you h@vent even he@rd the be$t p@rt of th!$ new g@me
GT: well then 5wallow the cheeto5 and 5pit it out!
JD: @ll of u$ get to pl@y
JD: the whole g@ng
GT: that 5ound5 fru5trating.
GT: al5o infuriating.
GT: like trying to get a group of hou5eflie5 to 5tay 5till.
JD: well $ee !t work$ l!ke th!$
JD: everyone pl@y$ on both $!de$ of the computer
JD: everyone h@$ to go out @nd k!ll th!ng$ @nd level up
JD: @nd get $ome ep!c loot @long the w@y
JD: but they @l$o h@ve to bu!ld for $omeone el$e u$!ng the loot th@t they g@thered
GT: i'm not really getting it. you might be too 5tupid to e%plain thi5 to me.
JD: well fuck you youre prob@bly ju$t too $tup!d to under$t@nd
GT: i'll be hone5t, i don't really want to play thi5 game.
GT: it 5ound5 boring and repetitive.
JD: too b@d noob were @ll pl@y!ng whether you w@nt to or not
GT: what'5 that 5uppo5ed to mean?
JD: ju$t @$k your $l!meblood fr!end.
GT: it'5 adorable how you u5e conde5cending term5 for people higher up on the hemo5pectrum.
JD: wh@tever @$$f@ce !m out
JD: ! ju$t hope ! dont get $tuck h@v!ng to connect to you
JD: youd prob@bly cr@ck my $creen ju$t by be!ng $o $tup!d @nd ugly
GT: looking forward to it, buddy.
JD: fuck you.
-- jossDebel [JD] ceased trolling goeticTyphoon [GT] at 6:59 --

[cSquared]

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Could it be coincidence that I once used the name of Tetragrammaton for my Internet shenanigans? Who knows...

>See if your slimeblood friend comes online. While you do so, exposit on the lameness of Darkness and Drones

[Yinsho]

HAHAHA! His face when he's on the computer.
Also

>Swing scythe around randomly until something breaks. Then stare at the newly broken object for an hour.

This. XD Please this.

If not:

>Contact slimeblooded friend. Plot downfall of JD in cahoots with the slimeblood.

[grimlive95]

Could it be coincidence that I once used the name of Tetragrammaton for my Internet shenanigans? Who knows...

Dude, seriously? That's awesome! I honestly just went down a list of unusual T and G words and stuck two together.

[Neofafnir]

>Contact your slimeblood friend, if they are not around play some computer solitaire, get angry at playing such a game, break something with scythe.

[grimlive95]

Zayak: Contact your slimeblood friend.



He's offline. Looks like you'll have to wait to find out what kind of...

Oh, he's on now. Better ask him what's going on.

===->

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-- goeticTyphoon [GT] began trolling tellurianTeleseism [TT] at 7:00 --
GT: hey dude!
TT: /Yo, bro! Happy wr1ggl1ng day!\
GT: thank5, man.
TT: /So wha7'2 up, bro? How'2 17 hang1n'?\
GT: pretty good 5o far, unle55 you count an amber a55hole 5hitting out of hi5 mouth again.
TT: /Hahaha, you 7alked 7o JD?\
GT: yeah, he 5aid we were all playing 5ome kind of game, and to talk to you about it.
TT: /Well, he def1n17ely 2en7 you 7o 7he r1gh7 per2on, bro.\
GT: 5o what'5 going on?
TT: /Well we 2or7 of all have 7o play. All 2even of u2.\
GT: why?
TT: /Becau2e o7herw12e 17'2 no7 a2 much fun!\
TT: /Ju27 7h1nk abou7 17, all of u2 1n one b1g 7eam.\
TT: /Maybe a few of u2 m1gh7 27op 7ry1ng 7o pull 7he o7her'2 head2 off.\
GT: are you 5aying that thi5 game i5 group therapy?
GT: are you 5aying that i need group therapy?
TT: /Well, we al2o have 7o play for a d1fferen7 rea2on.\
TT: /GG 2ay2 7ha7 1f we don'7 play, we all d1e.\
GT: gg? oh god, plea5e don't tell me 5he 5aw thi5 in the cloud5.
GT: i am up to here in bull5hit prediction5 that have never come true.
GT: gg i5 the precognitive equivalent of a 5unday horo5cope.
TT: /Bro, you've never even g1ven her a chance. A lo7 of 7he 27uff 2he pred1c7ed for me 7o7ally came 7rue, bro. For real.\
GT: like what?
TT: /L1ke when 2he 2a1d I'd f1nd my old journal.\
GT: you left it under 5ome furniture. that thing i5 harder to mi5place than it i5 to find.
TT: /Look, bro, 1f you don'7 bel1eve her, 7ha7'2 cool. Bu7 you're 271ll play1ng 7ha7 game.\
GT: you might have a bit of trouble making me.
TT: /No7 really. JD 2en7 you 7he 2e7up f1le 1n a background program and SGRUB 2hould be 1n27all1ng r1gh7 now.\

===->

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GT: wait, what? background program?
TT: /Look2 l1ke you're connec7ed, bro! Thank2 for be1ng my 2erver player!\
GT: thi5 i5 a pile of 5teaming, maggot infe5ted bull5hit.
TT: /Tha7'2 7he 2p1r17, bro! Ju27 go w17h 7he flow!\
-- tellurianTeleseism [TT] gave up trolling goeticTyphoon [GT] at 7:05 --

===->



FUCK, FINE. YOU'LL PLAY THE STUPID GAME.

God. You are kind of feeling not so cool. You need to wreck something.

[Varkarrus]

NOW you can jump out your window.

[Neofafnir]

NOW you can jump out your window.

This, it is your destiny!!