Politics - A Project Crossoventure

[Gl1tch]

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This has fan art!!!

Skinny Jeans and the Lumber Jack - Radio


Rageshitting - AutoGlassMasterClass

Mirror


My name is Richard Gay, and I am the mayor in this fine town of Mespeth. The citizens are wonderful, the scenery, pleasant, the times, peaceful. Or so I assume. All I know is the money is flowing in.

I'm a corrupt politician, the worst kind really. Now, I've heard all the insults. People calling me a scumbag, slime, an all around terrible person, but people don't understand the life of a politician. A politician gets fired every 2-6 years, through no fault of his own, and his resume, called a "campaign", costs millions of dollars to submit. So yeah, maybe I cared about making things better, at one point, but to make things better I need more time. To get more time, I need more money. To get more money, I started doing some less-than-great things. And that's how I arrived where I am today.

I started cheating on my wife. I started selecting legislation out of the hands of corporation's pockets, hell, I even changed my name. No one would elect a man named "Dick Gay", so I changed it to...

Damn, the name is still kind of new to me.

Say, you! Person reading this memo! Yeah you, office page or whatever. Care to remind me what that new-fangled patriotic name they gave me was?

[Fuade]

Ricky Yagermiester

[ArsenicNog]

John Patriot.

[Whimbrel]

John Patriot.

Yes.

[Gl1tch]

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AUTHORS NOTE: The Mayor, in the magical world of make believe, has the same voice as Cave Johnson

John Patriot.

Ah yes. John Patriot. Anyway, as I was saying, I've got a lot of secrets. Judge me if you will, but I got elected and you didn't. That makes me better than you.

Or it would, until I had to take a dump this morning. Whenever I take the Browns to the Super Bowl, I read the newspaper, so while I was laying my Count Dooku, I read something horrible in the newspaper.

What did you think I meant?

Anyway, today I started reading that new upstart newspaper... the one with the really uplifiting and revolutionary name... dammit. I'm horrible with names when I'm angry.

"You're always horrible with names!"

"FUCK OFF SANDRA"

That's Sally, my secretary. But the newspaper leaked the story that my name used to be Richard Gay. They made a point of saying if I wrote a book, I'd be put in the Dewey Decimal system as Gay, Dick. They clearly don't like me. And, the more pressing issue, they have someone close to me talking to them. Someone who knew my old name. Now it can't be you, you didn't know 'till today, and it can't be my wife, as the ol' windbag is on her deathbed with cancer or AIDs or both or something. I just know my people say she can't talk.

Which means someone in this office, someone other than you, leaked the story. Must have been someone high up, too, I don't make it a habit of talking about Gay Dicks in my free time. I'm a straight, straight shooting, wonderful person with a killer smile. John Patriot. Super Mayor. And in order to keep that public image, I need you to help me illegally investigate anyone and everyone who could have possibly betrayed me. And then maybe kill them or something. They may have ruined my life, or my career, or at the very least, the sacred time at 8:30 a.m. when I lay my daily egg.

And then we'll show that newspaper...

Dammit, what the hell was the name of that thing?!

[Whimbrel]

The People's Press

[ArsenicNog]

The Common Man's Stand.

[Demonsul]

The Daily Windbag

[Unbeliever]

> The Truth

[OldManRupee]

Freedom's Voice.

[MultiversalInk]

> The weekly bullshit
> The Toad

> Mespeth Monthly
> Mespeth Mirror
> The Note

Or just The Paper.

[The One Guy]

> Panhandle Press

[Gl1tch]

> The Truth

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I was going to go with the first suggestion to be seconded, but this option was too elegant to pass up

I always hated that name. As long as you tell people something is the truth, they'll believe it. I've practiced this policy for years, but I never thought someone would use it against me! Argh.

Anyway, the name leak is only a minor issue, and it will probably lose me a small bit of the homosexual vote, nothing too drastic. The real problem is figuring out who betrayed me. That's your job.

I'd give you a list of people to interrogate, but I'm busy being mayor and all. Important political things to do. I think there's a zoo opening... I might have a speech to give at Schazer Tower... Samantha knows my schedule. For now, go tail the woman I'm having an affair with. She works at the same hospital is staying at, that's how we met. So... go to the Mespeth Hospital, ask for a woman named "Rose", and come back to me when you've proven her innocent or guilty.

What are you standing around for? I'll be late for my...

"Your tee-time, sir"

Ah yes! I'd hate to be late for that. I'd have to fire you. Shoo!

[Whimbrel]

Go talk to the secretary.

[Gl1tch]

Go talk to the secretary.

The secretary, Sabrina, sits and types rapidly on her computer. She has a condescending air about her, and in general rather unpleasant.

"Hello, ma'am?" you say.
"Take a number and sit in the lobby."

There are no numbers. There is no lobby.

"Ma'am," you try again, "the Mayor asked me to speak with y--"
"The Mayor asked you to speak with his mistress. I will not let that man touch me, as I have integrity. I also have loyalty, which is why I did not reveal his real name to 'The Truth'."
"Do you have an alibi?"
"I am currently in possession of every thing that man has ever written down. I could have told them a helluva lot worse things than his real name."

You should probably write down some details from the encounter in your CLUE LOG.

[OldManRupee]

CLUE LOG ENTRY:
Sabrina - Mayor's Secretary. Conflicted between career integrity and loyalty to a sleazy boss. Kinda snarky.

[Gl1tch]

CLUE LOG ENTRY:
Sabrina - Mayor's Secretary. Conflicted between career integrity and loyalty to a sleazy boss. Kinda snarky.

Your CLUE LOG is a complex device you don't actually understand. It was here in Mespeth when you moved it. However, upon starting a new mystery, the clue log creates holographic array of cubes, with each axis representing some sort of information. Further, your clue log can point out logical leaps you missed, meaning it's both a place for storing, and receiving clues.

You enter the data, one plane of the cube fills in blue, and it closes.

What do you do?

[OldManRupee]

Time to hit the street, try and find one of your many informants.

[Skelatox]

Time to hit the street, try and find one of your many informants.

Indeed. That street has pushed you around for TOO LONG! It is time for we people to rebel against our concrete oppressors!

[hero122]

Time to hit the street, try and find one of your many informants.

Indeed. That street has pushed you around for TOO LONG! It is time for we people to rebel against our concrete oppressors!

RAW RAW FIGHT THE POWAH!

[Gl1tch]

Time to hit the street, try and find one of your many informants.

Indeed. That street has pushed you around for TOO LONG! It is time for we people to rebel against our concrete oppressors!

RAW RAW FIGHT THE POWAH!

This... this is incredibly silly. Stop this at once. You'll get fired.

Time to hit the street, try and find one of your many informants.

You do not find any of your informants on the street. You do, however, find two homeless men, whom you nickname "Skinny Jeans" and "The Lumberjack", based upon their apparel. You doubt they know anything, regardless of whether it's related to your case or not.

[JRCrusher]

Proceed longways

[ArsenicNog]

>Talk to the homeless anyways. Info is info.

[MultiversalInk]

> Head to the hospital.

[OldManRupee]

Secret Police brutality.