My name is Richard Gay, and I am the mayor in this fine town of Mespeth. The citizens are wonderful, the scenery, pleasant, the times, peaceful. Or so I assume. All I know is the money is flowing in.
I'm a corrupt politician, the worst kind really. Now, I've heard all the insults. People calling me a scumbag, slime, an all around terrible person, but people don't understand the life of a politician. A politician gets fired every 2-6 years, through no fault of his own, and his resume, called a "campaign", costs millions of dollars to submit. So yeah, maybe I cared about making things better, at one point, but to make things better I need more time. To get more time, I need more money. To get more money, I started doing some less-than-great things. And that's how I arrived where I am today.
I started cheating on my wife. I started selecting legislation out of the hands of corporation's pockets, hell, I even changed my name. No one would elect a man named "Dick Gay", so I changed it to...
Damn, the name is still kind of new to me.
Say, you! Person reading this memo! Yeah you, office page or whatever. Care to remind me what that new-fangled patriotic name they gave me was?