TROLLSLUM CAFE XXII: Mutants and Makeouts and Murders, Oh My!

[Captain Whosit]

They're everywhere.

Welcome the Trollslum Café!

Our Guiding Principle: We are all fans of Homestuck in general, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and if we like to make fantrolls, we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to bring new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. The primary purpose of the Café is to provide a vague social setting in which characters can meet, mingle, and talk. It is a good way to get introduced to other characters that you can then troll on trollian/pesterchum, or get involved with in a more specific RP. It can also be a decent place to hang out.

Below are some rules that I would like you to follow when you are posting in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!

1: Characters and Setting

The Café is located somewhere on Alternia. Where exactly? Who knows, and it doesn’t really matter. Keep in mind that this place is located on Alternia (the troll homeworld which is populated by the troll young) when you are developing a character for the Café. Aliens, freaks, and mutants will not last long on Alternia!

2: Joining the Café

How do you join? Just post! There are no pre-requisites and no screening (for better or for worse). Just jump in, find someone who isn’t already in a scene, and start a conversation.

3: Posting in the Café

A few guidelines for how to post here:

*It is generally helpful if you clearly indicate which character you are speaking to if you are initiating a conversation.

*You can quote a previous post to enhance the clarity of your response, but please spoiler images, and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.

*Indicate OOC conversation by double paranthesis (()), or double brackets [[]] if you prefer, or by some other method that clearly indicates you are speaking OOC.

*Do not post only OOC chatter. Go to the Trollslum GenChat for that.

4: Joining a Conversation

Before you have your character wander up to someone and start chatting, check to see if the other character is already talking, and to whom. Sometimes two characters are having a light chat and you may be able to get away with approaching them. Other times, they may be having a serious discussion and would not appreciate the intrusion. Like real-life, think carefully before you walk up to someone and interrupt them, and if they ignore you or tell you to go away, respect that!

5: Fights
Fights are going to need a list of rules all its own. This may very well be one of the most important sections, so please read it carefully!

1) Avoid fights whenever possible! If there are any other viable options for your character besides “pull out a weapon,” do that instead! Yes, I’m sure you want to show off how “badass” your character is, but ultimately getting in a fight is just going to make you look silly and probably like kind of a jerk. Yes, you may be thinking that “trolls are violent pricks,” but remember that the primary purpose of the Café is to develop your character, and fights are not the best way to do that. This doesn't mean that you can't play a mean, provocative character, just know your limits!

2) If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other player(s) by PM or your preferred chat client to try and work things out before you both start throwing posts at each other. If you have an end result you are working towards, it is less likely that your fight will completely devolve into a “show them up” contest.

3) Follow proper etiquette! What do I mean? If you do end up in a fight, the way you describe your character acting is what may separate you from a God Moder and someone with class. Here are some dos and don’ts:

”I cut your character’s arm off with my sword.” Very bad! If you do something like this, you are inflicting an injury on another character without giving them a chance to respond or avoid. Basically, you’re an asshole.

“I shoot your character in the face.” Bad. It is worded in such a way that it suggests the blow already landed.

“I aim at your character’s face and fire.” Probably the best you can do. It explains your action and gives the other player an opportunity to dodge the attack, or not, as they wish.

4) Don’t get involved in someone else’s fight! Unless your troll is good friends with one of the participants, it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved in someone else’s battle. On the whole, trolls are not very charitable. Group fights are just a mess and a bad idea.

5) Don’t fight at all if you can help it! Yes, this rule warrants repeating. It is entirely possible to play a mean, jackass character without provoking a fight every time you talk to someone. BE THE BIGGER MAN (OR WOMAN)! If it looks like you’re going to start a fight, back off! Contrary to what you might think, you’ll earn more respect from your peers than if you start trying to beat the other character up.

6: Romance

Trolls have quadrants. Romance is gonna happen. Now, it’s not my place to tell you how to live your love (or hate) lives. However, I ask that you all keep things clean. If your characters are going to go beyond snuggling and smooching, take it to PMs, an IRC, or a private chat. I’m trying to run a respectable establishment, here.

7: Problems

Gotta face facts: Problems are gonna crop up. Maybe it’s another player, maybe a fight broke out and someone is god moding, maybe someone decided that it would be awesome to bring in the rainbow-drinker rainbowblood who’s gonna be the next empress and who is secretly the lover of all the canon trolls. All of them. If you have a problem with someone, contact them. Privately and politely. It is not good to make a scene in public. If you are particularly adverse to conflict, you can contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

Likewise, if I see something I think is a problem, I will PM you and try to straighten things out to everyone’s benefit. Note that I will ask you to withdraw or revise a character if I think they will remain problematic as they are. I want everyone to have fun, but I also believe that the fun of the many outweighs the fun of the few.

8: Rules Change

I reserve the right to change or revise these rules at any time with or without notification. So remember to check back occasionally to refresh yourself!

9: Fun

Have fun!

Or else!

Also, be polite, kids!

Archives

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The First
The Second
The Third
The Fourth
The Fifth
The Sixth
The Seventh
The Eighth
The Ninth
The Tenth
The Eleventh
The Twelfth
The Thirteenth
The Fourteenth
The Fifteenth
The Sixteenth
The Seventeenth
The Eighteenth
The Nineteenth
The Twentieth!
The Twenty-first

The Precursor

[Rai-CH]

Tarana looks like he's about to say something, but then notices that the room's a lot brighter than it was before.
"/// SH!T!"
"/// WHERE THE FUCK !S MY SUNGLASSES!"
He promptly freaks out, not realising that they've just fallen under the table. After all, he doesn't look like a rockstar at all without his glasses, he just looks like a creepy insomniac.

Did he just lick Charon? Oh god, now he's freaking out too.

"P-PLeaSe DoN'T Do THaT... uM, i DoN'T THiNK i CaN H-HeLP You WiTH FiNDiNG TRoLL MeaT..."
He shuffles further into the booth until he's backed up against the wall.

2X FREAKOUT COMBOB!

[Cliff_Racer]

"heheheheheheh
i think i can sssettle for sssome painkillersss right now though
thisss headache isss killing me"

Sigfried takes a seat next to Charon, then props his legs up on the table.

[scintillatingMoniker]

[I] [Didn'+] [See] [Where] [+hey] [Landed]

[Rai-CH]

Tarana shields his eyes with his arm, partly because it's so goddamn bright in here, and partly because his eyes are ugly as anything.
"/// JUST GO AND F!ND THEM! GODDAMM!T!"

Charon curls up into a little ball, absolutely terrified of Sigfried. And still creeped out that he was licked.

"uM, oK."
He orders the other greenblood some painkillers and a glass of water.

[subtleChaotician]

Oh geez first page, better go two trolls.
Quinir steps into the doorway and... no she gets her lowblood ass shoved out of the way for Kerrak.
Looks like he walks in first today.

You walk into the cafe and move to an empty table. One of the serverbots should be over soon enough.

Then Quinir walks in after the rather rude Blueblood. She takes a seat at the bar and looks around to see who's who. Sweet sweet routine.

[Cliff_Racer]

Sigfried hastily pops the pills, then washes them down with water. His eyes seem to be back to normal.

"thanksss man
i dont really eat troll meat
not anymore at leassst
but when you wake up on the ground you gotta fuck with sssomeone
im sssigfried"

Realising he's invading on personal space, Sigfried hops over the table and sits across from Charon.

[scintillatingMoniker]

...[Sure]

He looks at the seats in the booth and the floor nearby.

[Suds McFuddle]

And then Vileor walks in with his guitar in one hand and his trumpet in the other. He takes a seat at an empty table near the two greenbloods and orders an iced coffee.

[Rai-CH]

Tarana waits for Hayyan to find his sunglasses. Rather impatiently too, might I add. He's tapping his free hand on the table.

Charon relaxes slightly as Sigfried backs off. He uncurls from his position of hiding like a scared wiggler.

"i'M CHaRoN.
BuT, WHY DiD You CHooSe To SCaRe Me?"

[aphoticConniver]

Hey, Rearik's back. He does the usual, of course.

[Cliff_Racer]

"four people in the cafe and two are occupied
you were the only other perssson in here man"

Sigfried shrugs.

[ZDG]

Hey, Rearik's back. He does the usual, of course.

What? You didn't even remove the glass shards? Holy shit you are soooo lazy.
Oh hEYYYY thErE, cOllEAgUE!
*patpatpat*
She gets a Faygo and waits for his answer.

[aphoticConniver]

"W44t is wit4 you clowns 4nd 4ssuming I work wit4 you people? God d4mn, it's re4lly getting fucking old."

[scintillatingMoniker]

Hayyan looks under the table and gingerly takes the sunglasses, then sets them on the table in front of Tarana.

[+here]

[ZDG]

"W44t is wit4 you clowns 4nd 4ssuming I work wit4 you people? God d4mn, it's re4lly getting fucking old."

rEAl nIcE wAY Of sAYIng hI, jAckAss!
oh shit don't start please
I thOUght wE wErE brOs!

[Rai-CH]

Tarana feels around for the sunglasses before grabbing them and putting them back on.
"/// THANKS! !!M ALREADY HALF!DEAF! DON!T NEED TO GO BL!ND ON TOP OF THAT!
/// MY OUTBURST WAS PROBABLY A L!TTLE UNCALLED FOR! BUT THESE SUNGLASSES ARE PRETTY FUCK!NG !MPORTANT TO ME! ! BET YOU!D BE THE SAME !F YOU LOST SOMETH!NG L!KE THAT!"
He pulls Hayyan into the booth for a hug, chuckling the whole time.

Well, that's a legitimate reason.

"oH, i CaN See WHeRe You'Re CoMiNG FRoM."
He sits back up again.
"So, HoW aRe You? aPaRT FRoM THe WHoLe 'PReTeNDiNG To Be a CaNNiBaL' THiNG, THaT iS..."

[Cliff_Racer]

"pretty damn alright
been trying to keep an eye out for sssomeone
one of my clossser friendsss you know
been a while sssinssse ive ssseen her"

[aphoticConniver]

"I 4m not, nor will I ever, be "bros" wit4 one of you m4nic, incompetent clowns. 4nd don't st4rt wit4 t4e 4onking, ple4se, my 4e4d 4urts 4s it is."

[scintillatingMoniker]

Hayyan awkwardly flails in the hug and tries to pull himself free.

[I] [Know] [Wha+] [You] [Mean] [Please] [Le+] [Go]

[ZDG]

"I 4m not, nor will I ever, be "bros" wit4 one of you m4nic, incompetent clowns. 4nd don't st4rt wit4 t4e 4onking, ple4se, my 4e4d 4urts 4s it is."

I-INCOMPETENT?

SICK BURN
HOW DO YOU FUCKING DARE? I COMPLETED ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS! NOT A SINGLE STUPID MUTANT OR TRAITOR WAS LEFT ALIVE WHEN I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THEM!
I AM FAR FROM INCOMPETENT, JACKASS!

Holy shit she's pissed.

[Rai-CH]

Tarana chuckles again, clearly enjoying seeing Hayyan struggle. Because that's not weird at all!
"/// HEHE! F!NE!
/// YOU REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LOOSEN UP THOUGH!"
He lets go of Hayyan.


"oH, ReaLLY? WHo iS SHe?"
Charon usually wouldn't ask, but after his encounter with Braang earlier today he was curious as to whether he'd know this girl too.

[scintillatingMoniker]

[No], [I] [+hink] [I'm] [Fine] [As] [I] [Am]

[Cliff_Racer]

"verter ssshesss a brownblood pretty cute
that sssound familiar to you"

This author is being tortured by Sigfried's intentional lack of commas.

[Rai-CH]

"/// AWW! C!MON! HOW!RE YOU GONNA GET ANY QUADRANTS F!LLED !F YOU CAN!T EVEN ENJOY A HUG!"
His grin becomes uncomfortably wide again.


"i HaVeN'T HeaRD oF HeR, SoRRY..."