THIS IS THE THREAD WHERE YOU CAN ONLY MAKE ONE POST

[Avi]

buttersafe @nedroid Many spider families immigrate to America with dreams of one day crawling into the mouth of a U.S. president.

[Plummet]

dis nigga high yall

[Miraculous]

Congratulations to Nopad for being a smart, beautiful, wise, charming, generous, modest and all-round great person! Here he will be forever immortalized (Or at least until I can find someone better). Huzzah for Nopad!



Now then, onto business. Once upon a time there was a wizard named Nopad. He set a magical test for a traveller. "There are 500 diamonds in that cave!" he declared, stroking his magnificent wizard beard. "I want you to go and bring me a specific number of diamonds, a number that allows you to divide the diamonds into groups of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7 and always have one diamond left over! Bring me this number of diamonds and you can keep them all!"

But the traveller, not being as clever as Nopad, didn't get it right; the number of diamonds he brings back doesn't leave one diamond left over when divided into groups of 4. How many diamonds did he bring back?

[illisid]

So once upon a time there was a monkey. His name was (to be continued) (probably be someone previous in this thread)

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So once upon a time there was a monkey. His name was Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

Brendon. Brendon had a very cheery face. Whenever he went outside, everyone always smiled at Brendon. However, one day (to be continued)

Ah, I see there was another. But it looks like Cheatcode has us both beat. Going by edit dates, he posted before both of us.

His name was Huckstaby and he enjoyed stealing popsicles from children.

So, continuing the story. He especially liked to steal the cherry flavored popsicles, because

cherry was the flavor that could cure his illness, the debilitating illness called

Huck (or Brendon) had horrible bad breath! This was because he always, always, always ate ___________________.

Continue!? Y/N

Y!
Wasabi peanuts! He would eat a whole bag at every meal, and then some! He found they especially went well with

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jesus how long have i been asleep

sup marelo

sup

holy shit guys he's back! Hide the... stuff... that we definitely didn't do while he was gone!

also your avatar is really fitting for the situation. But you're probably never going to see this.

[This Works]

Yes.

[NotAPumpkin]

So I decided to make my 3000 post thing here because why not
SO YEAH



I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE THIS MANY POSTS


I wrote something, too.

3000 PUNCHES OF NAP!

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It was an uncommonly beautiful day in Genchatia as NotAPumpkin the forumite left her awesome catfish blimp home and started walking into town. The birds were singing, the thunderclouds were ominous, and the meteors were falling as NaP cheerfully walked along whistling a piano symphony.
“I sure hope I can find someone to hang out with today,” she said aloud. Just then, she saw Qiam chilling in a lawnchair outside his giant doghouse. “Hey Qiam,” she greeted. “Want to go ice skating with me?”
Qiam looked over the top of his shades at her. “nap it's june, there is no ice,” he said.
Completely undeterred, NaP drew closer. “But we haven't hung out in forever. Maybe we could have a Bear-B-Q or something,” she said, and punched Qiam soundly in the snout.
“ow,” he yelped. “what the hell was that for?”
“Ah, sorry! I can't help it,” she apologized, socking him in the stomach.
“ok that's it, i'm not hanging out with you until you stop it with the punching,” growled Qiam. “get out of here!”
Being Canadian, NaP apologized profusely several more times as she beat a hasty retreat back onto the road. “Oh noooo, I keep forgetting about the punching,” she sighed as she went on her way.

The next person NaP encountered was Drillgorg, who was coming down the road towards her.
“Hiya, NaP,” he called. “Why are you looking so down?”
“Oh, hey Drill-OW!” said NaP, as her fist collided painfully with Drillgorg's solid wooden torso. “I can't stop punching,” she told him mournfully.
“Yeah, I noticed. When did that start, anyways?” asked the robot.
“I-ow- was at Tesseract's dance party the other week. Ever since then, I can't-ow- stop punching!”
“That sucks,” said Drillgorg. “Anyways, I'm on my way over to Esrever's right now. He finally decided what kind of food to get! Do you want to come?”
NaP winced. “Well, I would love to, but I'm not sure if my fists can handle hanging out with you right now,” she said.
“Oh well. I hope you fix that soon,” said Drillgorg, stiffly waving his robot arm goodbye as he continued down the path.

NaP continued on her way, feeling even more dejected than before. Very soon she arrived in the main square of Genchatia, where EvergreenWanderer was sitting and playing a flute. “Hey, that song is really nice,” aid NaP, feeling slightly cheered up.
EW stopped playing and looked up. “Oh, hello NaP,” she said. “Thanks!” Just as she uttered this word of gratitude, NaP delivered a wicked left hook to the flute, knocking it out of EW's hands and onto the ground, where it broke.
“Oh no! Sorry!” cried NaP.
EW was horrified. “That flute belongd to Waterbottles!” she exclaimed.
“Who?” said NaP, looking mystified. “Oh, do you mean Wickerbaskets?”
Waterbotttles, who happened to be walking by, heard this exchange. “YOU'RE SPELLING IT WRONG,” she roared, flying figuratively into a rage and literally into NaP's fist in a truly spectacular cross-counter. Unfortunately for Waterbootles, NaP's pumpkin helmet negated most of the force of the blow, while she herself took the full brunt of the attack and crumpled to the ground.
“Oh no, Waterbottles!” cried EvergreenWanderer, greatly distressed.
“Ahhh, WalkerBracket! I didn't mean to do that!” said NaP.
NotASenator, the local banmaster, heard the commotion and arrived on the scene within seconds. “What's going on here?” he demanded.
“I'm sorry, but I just can't stop punching!” NaP apologized once again.
“Well, that does seem to be a problem,” said NaS.
“Seems to be?! She punched me in the face 69 times last week!” complained SWariSexualPosition as he emerged from Traikan's music shop. He was sporting a black eye and had several teeth missing, presumably from his last encounter with the pumpkin-headed forumite.
“Hey, only fifty of those were on purpose!” said NaP.
NaS looked down at Watterbotles unconscious form and then to SWari's damaged face. “We're going to have to hold a council about this,” he announced.

Several seconds later, all the citizens of Genchatia had appeared in the town square. NaP stood at a stand in front of the crowd, nervously punching the air in frot of her.
“Hey, what are we here for? I was about to finish my 9999th loop of nyancat,” said CesiumTea. NaS stepped forward to address the forumites.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...” he began.
“THIS IS NOT A WEDDING,” said NaP.
“Oh, right. Sorry,” said NaS. “We're here because I've received some complaints about NotAPumpkin's constant punching problem.”
“It's about time,” growled a heavily bandaged Nixshadow. “Yesterday she was in my archives and punched down all the shelves. All my organization, ruined!”
Scrumptious also apparently had a bone to pick. “she punched me in the sexy good looks,” she pouted.
“And she wrecked all my FLARPing gear!” piped up CatastrophicGenesis.
Several more forumites stood up to voice their grievances, with shouts of “all my windows are broken” from P_equals_NP and “she got coffee all over my antique quilts” from Draga, among many others.
“Hey! All of those things were accidents!” cried NaP agitatedly, striking a pitcher of water on the table in front of her. It sailed into the crowd and hit Moldova in Eurovison 2011 in the face. She was not amused.
NaS banged a gavel. “Quiet down, everyone,” he said, and the crowd settled. “So,” NaS continued, “does anyone have any suggestions for what we should do with NaP?”
There was silence for a moment, and then Iamthebigman shouted, “Ban her!” There were some murmers of assent among the crowd, and then Konec0 spoke up. “No way, you can't ban NaP. She's too cool for school :3” he said.
“Easy for you to say,” grumbled Triangle Man. “you never get punched since you're always sitting in trees.”
LinguisticAnomaly also came to NaP's defense. “Come on guys, isn't banning a little much? NaP didn't mean any harm,” she said.
“Hell yeah, let's all go out and drink this shit away,” said Dr.DMX, clinking glasses with Drinkie Pie.
“No, screw that, we are not putting up with the stupid punching anymore,” said Paul-formerly-known-as-Bonzi. “Get her outta here!” There were many shouts of agreement from the crowd.
“Alright, let's have a vote,” said NaS. “Who wants NotAPumpkin to stay in Genchatia?”
A smattering of forumites raised their hands.
“Who wants her to be banned?” This time, many hands were raised, and NaP's heart sunk.
“Aw, come on guys, where am I supposed to go?” she wailed. “I already got banned from Canada because I hate hockey!”
But the verdict was decided. “From this day forward, NotAPumpkin is banned from Genchatia,” announced NaS. “Until you fix that punching problem, you won't be allowed back in,” he told her.

When the meeting was over and the crowd had mostly dispersed except for a few forumites loitering in the square to listen to Crowbotic's latest rap masterpiece, Sheriff Schazer escorted NaP to the town gates. Beyond the think stone walls lay the Banned Lands, the desolate wilderness where banned forumites roamed. NaP's friends

Xenothral and Maydame were there to wish her good luck.
“We're really going to miss you,” said Maydame, shedding a few tears (partly out of sadness, and partly due to NaP's fist clipping her in the jaw).
“Maybe you can come back if you got tiger,” said Xenothral hopefully, holding his hand up for a fistbump which he soon received with excessive force.
“Don't worry guys, I'll find a way to stop this crazy punching thing soon,” NaP assured them. “And then, I shall return. With that, NaP turned around dramatically and stepped into the Banned Lands.
As soon as Schazer shut the gates behind her, NaP felt a great deal less confident. She turned to look up at the stone walls looming over her, and was surprised to note that someone had scrawled graffiti on the wall next to the door. “Marelo Moh Tzu was here,” NaP read. Underneath it was written a small “heh”; all three letters practically oozed spite. Seeing the marks left by the forumites who had come before her restored some of NaP's bravery, and she set off through the woods of the MSPA Forest with a small smile.

After a few hours of wandering aimlessly through the vastness of the MSPA Forest, beating up trees and being generally depressed, NaP ended up following the Comments Stream to a huge waterfall formed from the massive amounts of complaints flowing into the forum. NaP stood for a moment in awe of the scene, before her ears picked up the distinctive twang of a banjo coupled with the off-key, somewhat slurred sound of someone singing. The pumpkin-headed forumite cast her gaze about until it landed on a familiar figure sitting in a tree.
“Almost Human? What are you doing here?!” Exclaimed NaP, punching the tree in surprise. “You didn't get banned, did you?”
AH, who was far too manly to describe using gendered pronouns, stopped strumming their banjo and looked down. “Whoa, it's NAP. Nah, I'm too manly to ban. My internet connection is completely shitty, so I'm hanging out here,” said AH, sounding slightly intoxicated. And they probably were. “So what foul deed have you committed to land you all the way out here at ODIN's grave?”

For a moment NaP lost the train of the conversation and re-assessed the area, awed. Indeed, she had somehow failed to notice the massive viking ship sticking prow-first out of the waterfall pool. NaP attributed this oversight to the gourd she wore as a helmet, and reaching up to adjust it, punched herself solidly in the face. What pumpkin?
“Ow,” she said, and her attention was brought back to the matter at hand. “I can't stop punching,” she informed AH dolefully.
AH laughed. “Izzat what they banned you for? What a bunch of pillweefs. All you gotta do is change your avatar.”
“But I don't know how to do that!” protested NaP.
“Just go see Bandages. He'll fix you up,” said AH.
“Oh, Bandages is still around? Where is he?” Said Nap, surprised.
“He's holed himself up in the old Adventure Suggestions Tower,” AH informed her.
“All right, I'm gonna go there now. Thanks, AH!” called NaP as she set off for Bandages' lair.

When NaP re-emerged from the MSPA Forest, knuckles bruised and bloody from beating the shit out of everything in her path, she looked up to see the Adventure Suggestions Tower...well, towering over her. Years in the past (but not many), forumites had gathered here in droves in attempts to influence, however slightly, the events of a parallel world, shouting out possible commands to the God-like figure of Andrew Hussie. Now, however, the tower was in a state of disrepair as it had been abandoned some time ago.

Being a fairly new member of the MSPA community, NaP had never gotten partake in the ritual of posting suggestions. As she stepped inside the hallowed halls and traveled upwards, NaP saw the veritable museum of suggestions as she passed (and punched) the walls they were slathered on to. “>Attempt to pry open window,” she read as she reached the final staircase to the top. She paused to examine it more closely, recognizing it as the very first MSPaint Adventures command ever issued, before continuing on the stairs. When she stepped through the doorway leading to the altar room at the top, NaP was greeted by a a promising sight. The windows were covered with tapestries bearing arcane symbols, and the room was lit dimly by torches spread throughout the room. In the middle was a larger fire that flickered hypnotically in various colors; weird shapes seemed to rise from the flames from time to time, casting oddly shaped shadows on the floor.

“Bandages, you here?” called NaP nervously, trying to avoid getting a fist full of flame. Nobody answered, so NaP drew closer to the rainbow-hued fire.
“BOO!” Shouted Bandages, suddenly materializing in a haze of demonically shifting colors and forms.
It was terrifying. Just like usual.
“Hi, Banndages! Boy, am I ever glad to see you. How've you been?” said NaP.
Bandages scowled, apparently disappointed that he had failed to scare the crap out of her. “Terrible,” he groused.
“That's too bad. Pretty nifty place you got here though,” said NaP.
This seemed to cheer Bandages up a bit. “Heh,” he said. “So why are you here?”
“I can't stop this stupid punching, ever since I was over at Tesseract's,” NaP explained. “AH told me I needed a new avatar or something.”
Bandages cackled. “I haven't gotten to work on an avatar since I got banned,” he said, adding a muttered threat that included something about NaS and a cotton candy machine.
NaP thanked him sunnily.

“Stand back and don't touch anything,” snapped Bandages as NaP's fists of fury nearly knocked over a torch. NaP backed into the doorway and watched in amazement as Bandages display of grimdark avatar majiyks began. The flames of the big fire danced wildly as Bandages made strange gestures over it with his hands and chanted a spell that seemed to consist of the words “ghost boner” repeated over and over.
The shadows from the torches twisted up to form weird illusions as the spell neared its completion; finally, Bandages raised his hands to point at NaP and shouted “DOOF!” With a final flash of the fires the spell was done, and NaP's title changed to [NotAPunchkin].

NaP was impressed. “Those were some sick fires,” she said, lifting a hand to her face. Then she realized that this action did not bring any immediate and painful repercussions. “I'm not punching anymore!” she exclaimed, rushing forward to envelop a reluctant Bandages into a hug.
“You're welcome,” he grumbled when she stepped back, then surveyed his handiwork with a grin. “Excellent,” he declared.
“Hey, you should come back to Genchatia with me,” said NaP. “There are a bunch of guys who could use new avvies and stuff.”
Bandages thought about this for a moment. “Sure, I guess,” he said with a shrug, and the two forumites set out for home.

Although NaP failed in her efforts to get Bandages to skip along with her, they soon reached the gates of Genchatia, where Blueberry and He Said, Fully Erect were standing guard. “Halt, who goes there?” said Blueberry seriously as they approached.
“oh hey, it's bandages and nap,” said HSFE, surprised. “what are you doing back?”
“I finally stopped with the punching,” said NaP. “Bandages fixed it for me. Can we come in?”
Blueberry deliberated for a moment, then nodded. “Sure, as long as the punching is stopped it should be fine.” She smiled. “Welcome back, guys!”
“we should have a party at zaven's,” said HSFE, slinking off to find the Captain of the Synchtube.

A few hours later all the genchat peeps were gathered in Captain Zaven's synchtube channel, and a party was in full swing.
“hey b&ages where you been?” asked Spook Blotter, calling the quirky forumite over to a table where she sat drinking with Shyguy and MechanicalFactory. Shyguy slid Bandages a Faygo as he sat down, which he took a swig of before beginning to regale his fellow forumites with tales of the world outside Genchatia.

Meanwhile, NaP was living it up on the dance floor as UNDERWATERBASKETWEAVER churned out sick beats with some turntables. Finally free from the curse of her fearsome flailing fists, NaP was having a wicked dance-off with Cucurbita and Inexpediency. AH, now sober, was conducting the construction of a massive mural depicting the scene, working with Sonira, CG, and Wheeeeeeetthins.
The party continued well into the night, finally ending when a cataclysmic duel between Drillgorg and Eismo resulted in several explosions involving a vuvuzela and a gratuitous amount of shaving cream.
Everybody lived happily ever after, except for Inconspicularity who was crushed under a literal ton of build grist.
Thousands mourned. It was one hell of a party.

THE END.

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Hopy shit my chatfic turned into a short story ;_;
Also, I want to thank Tesseract for the punchkin avatar, Bandages for the new one, and Qiam for the chatfic idea.

I know what you're thinking. tl;dr, right?


And as if that wasn't bad enough, here's me singing.

Sorry about the downloady thing, I've never uploaded sound files before >.<

Oh, and also the theme song that Konec0 made me.
http://tindeck.com/listen/uzgv

By the way, I lied.
This was my 2999th post.
Ha ha
Hee hee
Hoo hoo


EDIT: Ohoho, editing.

I don't even hang around here that much anymore, but I had a lot of fun when I did. It's still cool, tho.

HIDDEN LEVEL IS AWESOME. Just sayin'.

[P_equals_NP]

Hahaha that's a pretty awesome 2,999th post you got there ;3

[DJ-P0N3]

This thread is bad and you should feel bad.

[Jesscookie]

post

[GeekyMeagz]

HAAAAIII

[Indigo]

w-well... it said to post once... so here's my post, hiya

[VexTheWarlord]

This thread is very silly.

[Aline]

Hello.

Since I am only allowed to post once, I'll say something that will either make you have fuzzy and warm feelings of adorability... Or think that I'm an absolute creep.

I love you.

[supalime]

Umm... so... I'm tempted to buy this purple Faygo shirt: http://www.faygo.com/store/detail.aspx?s=01

but I'm hesitant. What "2" do?

[BlasphemousWalruses]

[Gimeurcookie]

welp I'm just going to take this post right here.

[Bratmon]

I may only post here once? Then I better make it count... Well, uh..... Uh..... Shit. I wasted it.

[slapdashDuckette]

bump

[The Truth]

I only get one post!

What do I say? What do I say?

Um...something?

[celticArrow]

I don't even feel like posting on here, but alas, I have. SWEET HOME ALABAMA

I don't really live in Alabama

[Midoriko]

It's my birthday today! I'm turning 21, which ought to mean that I am currently out drinking but I actually really hate the taste of alcohol and have to pack for a trip anyway, so it's kind of uneventful. Nevertheless I feel like I should do something special on my birthday. And this is pretty special, this thread, this magnificent creation. So here is my one post. Ta-daaaa! I can be very boring sometimes.

[ardentLunarian]

Good news everyone!
You'll all be reading my only post in the voice of Professor Farnsworth!

[Zane13th]

i saw things that cant be un-seen

[benevolentCynic]

Good news everyone!
You'll all be reading my only post in the voice of Professor Farnsworth!

You were right.

[keepster33]

I found out "Kiss with a Fist" is the #1 selling song about spousal abuse of all time. So, there's that.