TROLLSLUM CAFE XXV: Alternia's Greatest Ponzi Scheme

[Captain Whosit]

You've all been had.

Welcome the Trollslum Café!

Our Guiding Principle: We are all fans of Homestuck in general, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and if we like to make fantrolls, we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to bring new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. The primary purpose of the Café is to provide a vague social setting in which characters can meet, mingle, and talk. It is a good way to get introduced to other characters that you can then troll on trollian/pesterchum, or get involved with in a more specific RP. It can also be a decent place to hang out.

Below are some rules that I would like you to follow when you are posting in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!

1: Characters and Setting

The Café is located somewhere on Alternia. Where exactly? Who knows, and it doesn’t really matter. Keep in mind that this place is located on Alternia (the troll homeworld which is populated by the troll young) when you are developing a character for the Café. Aliens, freaks, and mutants will not last long on Alternia!

2: Joining the Café

How do you join? Just post! There are no pre-requisites and no screening (for better or for worse). Just jump in, find someone who isn’t already in a scene, and start a conversation.

3: Posting in the Café

A few guidelines for how to post here:

*It is generally helpful if you clearly indicate which character you are speaking to if you are initiating a conversation.

*You can quote a previous post to enhance the clarity of your response, but please spoiler images, and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.

*Indicate OOC conversation by double paranthesis (()), or double brackets [[]] if you prefer, or by some other method that clearly indicates you are speaking OOC.

*Do not post only OOC chatter. Go to the Trollslum GenChat for that.

4: Joining a Conversation

Before you have your character wander up to someone and start chatting, check to see if the other character is already talking, and to whom. Sometimes two characters are having a light chat and you may be able to get away with approaching them. Other times, they may be having a serious discussion and would not appreciate the intrusion. Like real-life, think carefully before you walk up to someone and interrupt them, and if they ignore you or tell you to go away, respect that!

5: Fights
Fights are going to need a list of rules all its own. This may very well be one of the most important sections, so please read it carefully!

1) Avoid fights whenever possible! If there are any other viable options for your character besides “pull out a weapon,” do that instead! Yes, I’m sure you want to show off how “badass” your character is, but ultimately getting in a fight is just going to make you look silly and probably like kind of a jerk. Yes, you may be thinking that “trolls are violent pricks,” but remember that the primary purpose of the Café is to develop your character, and fights are not the best way to do that. This doesn't mean that you can't play a mean, provocative character, just know your limits!

2) If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other player(s) by PM or your preferred chat client to try and work things out before you both start throwing posts at each other. If you have an end result you are working towards, it is less likely that your fight will completely devolve into a “show them up” contest.

3) Follow proper etiquette! What do I mean? If you do end up in a fight, the way you describe your character acting is what may separate you from a God Moder and someone with class. Here are some dos and don’ts:

”I cut your character’s arm off with my sword.” Very bad! If you do something like this, you are inflicting an injury on another character without giving them a chance to respond or avoid. Basically, you’re an asshole.

“I shoot your character in the face.” Bad. It is worded in such a way that it suggests the blow already landed.

“I aim at your character’s face and fire.” Probably the best you can do. It explains your action and gives the other player an opportunity to dodge the attack, or not, as they wish.

4) Don’t get involved in someone else’s fight! Unless your troll is good friends with one of the participants, it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved in someone else’s battle. On the whole, trolls are not very charitable. Group fights are just a mess and a bad idea.

5) Don’t fight at all if you can help it! Yes, this rule warrants repeating. It is entirely possible to play a mean, jackass character without provoking a fight every time you talk to someone. BE THE BIGGER MAN (OR WOMAN)! If it looks like you’re going to start a fight, back off! Contrary to what you might think, you’ll earn more respect from your peers than if you start trying to beat the other character up.

6: Romance

Trolls have quadrants. Romance is gonna happen. Now, it’s not my place to tell you how to live your love (or hate) lives. However, I ask that you all keep things clean. If your characters are going to go beyond snuggling and smooching, take it to PMs, an IRC, or a private chat. I’m trying to run a respectable establishment, here.

7: Problems

Gotta face facts: Problems are gonna crop up. Maybe it’s another player, maybe a fight broke out and someone is god moding, maybe someone decided that it would be awesome to bring in the rainbow-drinker rainbowblood who’s gonna be the next empress and who is secretly the lover of all the canon trolls. All of them. If you have a problem with someone, contact them. Privately and politely. It is not good to make a scene in public. If you are particularly adverse to conflict, you can contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

Likewise, if I see something I think is a problem, I will PM you and try to straighten things out to everyone’s benefit. Note that I will ask you to withdraw or revise a character if I think they will remain problematic as they are. I want everyone to have fun, but I also believe that the fun of the many outweighs the fun of the few.

8: Rules Change

I reserve the right to change or revise these rules at any time with or without notification. So remember to check back occasionally to refresh yourself!

9: Fun

Have fun!

Or else!

Also, be polite, kids!

Archives

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The First
The Second
The Third
The Fourth
The Fifth
The Sixth
The Seventh
The Eighth
The Ninth
The Tenth
The Eleventh
The Twelfth
The Thirteenth
The Fourteenth
The Fifteenth
The Sixteenth
The Seventeenth
The Eighteenth
The Nineteenth
The Twentieth!
The Twenty-first
The Twenty-second
The Twenty-third
The Twenty-fourth

The Precursor

[Agmund]

Gragas walks through the wall at one end of the cafe, continuing his slow pace as if he didn't notice it.

He sits at the bar, looking kind of... blank.

((Reposting, cause you are a ninja))

[Suds McFuddle]

Vileor starts drumming his fingers on the table as well.

So, uh, ye@h.

[Cliff_Racer]

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Verter nods.
"alriiiight! : D
see you lat- oooh : 3
my trolltag is consumedFlesh : D
byeeeee : D"
She waits for Malae to leave.
Look around.

suddenly incoming tacklehug towards one sigfried.

Thankfully, Sigfried hears it coming. He turns just in time to catch her and fall back into the booth.

"well hello there!"


----------

Alexes has a blush on their face. Looks like they're a bit drunk!

[scintillatingMoniker]

I-I guepsps I can underps7and 7ha7...

She tries not to fantasize about Zim in armor rescuing her from a tower.

[Katrika]

Weeeeeeeeeeeell...I've never @ctu@lly gone @fter @ bounty yet.

Merope seems embarassed to admit this.

[conspicuouslyKalopsic]

Aequa has had enough of this awkward nonsense!

I'm, uh, going to g< 3t som< 3 mor< 3 t< 3a.

She ignores the fact that her cup is half-full and goes over to the counter.

[inexplicableSigns]

"sigfriiiied hi hi hi hoooow are yooou : D
haaave you fiiigured out whaaat was wrong wiiith your luuusus yeet : ?
hooow haaave you beeen : ?"
Verter cuddles up with Sigfried in the booth, grinning like an idiot.

~~~~~

Xosdil eventually approaches Zak, who is still spaced out and staring at a wall.
"Boo. What's up, bro."

[Agmund]

Nikole keeps hugging,

"SoXwhatXelseXdidXyouXsayxyouXlikedXbesidesXreadin g?XPsychology?XIsXthatXanyXfun?"

[Captain Whosit]

Well... hopefully you won't get tn over your head.... And then Salom realizes that he's out of tea, because his author has plans or something. Pardon me.

He goes to the counter where he may or may not bump into Aequa by accident.

[AppleTree]

Malae notices Gragas and runs toward him

Gragas!!
...Gragas? WhaT's wrong?

[Suds McFuddle]

Vileor continues tapping away at the table as if he's waiting for something interesting to happen.

[Cliff_Racer]

"it wasss a tainted water sssupply. animalsss were drinking from it getting sssick and in turn getting my lusssusss sssick. im workin on curing it though.
hehe otherwissse ive been fine. jussst havin infrequent headachesss. how about you? you been doing okay?"

------------

Yyyep, Alexes finished off their one drink and they're already fairly drunk. Now they're just looking around the cafe at people, giggling like a little lunatic

[Agmund]

Gragas turns to Malae, and blinks a few times, before just wrapping his arms around her in a hug,

"Nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?"

Maybe it's because you are talking almost in monotone, buddai.

[scintillatingMoniker]

I- erm, well, i7'ps fun for me bu7... no7 very in7ereps7ing 7o o7herps really.

She glubs and clears her throat, still blushing quite a bit.

[arcticInkpen]

Zent of a zweet Orange candy.. I think I recall thiz zmell.. Xoz I think?
Zaks glasses are just sitting on the table, he doesn't seem like he has any intent to put them on.

[AppleTree]

Malae embraces him in a hug before taking a step back and giving him a questioning look.

Gragas?
Gragas. Don'T. You can Talk to me..I can tell someThings wrong..
Please.

[Agmund]

Nikole giggles softly again,

"YouXareXreallyXcuteXwhenXyouXareXblushingXyouXkno wXthat?XYouXwouldXmakeXtheXperfectXprincessXtoXres cue."

She giggles again, still holding on to Apinel, and still not blushing at all.


----------

Gragas kind of frowns, and lifts his shirt to show a bunch of bandages stained tealish wrapped around his abdomen,

"I just got a litle hurt I gues."

He chuckles softly... which makes a little bit of fresh teal seep onto the bandages.

[inexplicableSigns]

"weeeeell i've beeen preeetty okaaay : D"
She indicates the missing right arm and the long gashes cut across her face.
"juuust got into a biiiit of a fiight : T
buuut i'll be fiiine : D
iiit's beeeen lots of fuuun : D"
Verter giggles, glad Sigfried has things figured out now.

~~~~

Xosdil nods.
"That's right. I vaguely recall having been a fucking tree last time we met. Sorry about that. Zak, right?
....
sweet orange.. what?"

[Overlard]

Hey guys, remember this guy?



Yarrex lurches back into the cafe, quietly humming a song.

He sits at an empty table.

[scintillatingMoniker]

Well that certainly doesn't help the blushing situation.

I- er.. 7hankps?..

She pauses as another fantasy starts to form, then shakes her head violently. no no no no no that would not do at all.

[arcticInkpen]

Yez, you where a tree, and yez, I am Zak. Your blood zmellz of the fruit orange. It has a zweet zent to it azwell.
He still looking forward at the wall.

[Blank]

Hey Vileor, Yarrex might need a loan to pay for some doktor bills

A slight bit of irritation in his voice.

CIRRIN RUNFAR goes over to the counter where Aequa is as if to order a drink, but he doesn't.

[Cliff_Racer]

Well, that's good. Sigfried knows better than to worry about Verter getting hurt by now.

"heh thatsss good. didja win?"

He chuckles a little. His question seems a bit silly.

-----------------

Alexes sees Yarrex walk in then starts laughing their ass off.

op mam! tpat guy's a mummy! paapaapaapaa!

[conspicuouslyKalopsic]

Aequa takes the new tea before turning to Cirrin.

Right. What w< 3r< 3 you saying b< 3for< 3?