>pW: Compose fictional essay on Troll Romance - X2 Combo

[plainWonder]

So, I've got this postcount, you know? And it's just about reached a certain arc number (413). So I wanted to do something special. After considering making IE or Firefox HS themes, or a HS skin for some PC game, I came up with this.

I know some people hold the opinion troll romance is a bit asymmetrical, especially concerning moirallegience vs. auspisticism. That's why I wrote up a fictional essay delving into the reasons behind this strange fact. Enjoy! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

[25/09/2011] Made a second in-story article on the subject. You can find the link at the bottom of this post, after reading. Or go here directly.

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In which a representative member of a society of galaxy-conquering grey-skinned warriors with surprisingly colorful cranial appendages and a wide diversity of venal content attempts a correction of a historically fact which has been brutally erased from the collective memory by the oppressive overlords after a mostly successfully swapped-down revolution
by Typhus Rollex

When it comes to the subject of troll romance, the mind of the members of most alien species can do nothing but assume the most servient of fetal positions. And for good reasons, too. Observe.



In modern times, the romantic feelings which are harnessed by our collapsing and expanding bladders are harshly categorized into four directly opposing categories.
Two of these are reserved for reproductive purposes. The opposing faction serves to support the leading one. Without the CONCILIATORY romantic partners, the future of our glorious race would long ago have been lost to infidelity, both red and black. There would have been no need for the imperial drones to collect the genetic material from the CONCUPISCENT unions. No need for a mother grub. Incestuous slurry would be as common as grubsauce, and of equal quality. The blood running through every troll’s vein would be as putrid as that of His Honorable Tyranny but lacking the inclination for angelic wrath so often associated with the vile, aforementioned draconian. There would be no potential whatsoever for omniplanetary dominance.
We are fortunate to have these mediating and supporting partners, keeping our natural feelings of pity and hate for all those surrounding us platonically, except for the cases where the trollian race would most benefit from an offspring of the collided genetic material.



But is our society really that blessed? During the latest sweeps, we’ve seen a disturbing increase of unbalanced moirails, and of auspistees which seem unsure if they pity or hate each-other, and which consequently flip violently between either opposite feeling, severely tiring their auspistice, to say nothing of themselves.
It has even begun to affect the relation of the conciliatees’ other relationships, straining their bond with matesprit and kismesis, often even going so far as flipping the established role patterns: matesprits auspisticing between moirails, auspistices harboring more concupiscent feelings for either member of the pair needing mediation… The list goes on. Naturally, this leads to nothing good.

Having experienced firsthand the effects of a degenerating moirallegience, I took it upon myself to investigate this matter. As soon as I began, it seemed to be an exercise in futility.
No records in all of trollian history appeared to contain even the slightest hint to anything like this ever having happened before, nor was there even a clue to a solution.
That is… until I found the library.



Bearing the sign of the most noblest of bluebloods ever having lived, FORMER-ARCHERADICATOR-TURNED-EXPATRIATE MECHANIC DARKLEER, it was hidden in a surprisingly easy-to-access location. It seemed as if it needed nothing but itself to hide its adamantine cavernous chambers from aggressors searching to destroy the contents it held. And surely there were and still are many of the ruling class who would not hesitate to burn the entire place to the ground… figuratively speaking.
This was not a place most highbloods would give much attention too. Devoid of riches and treasure, it would be neglected even by the lowest of archeologisticianS. Securely secluded, it only held of interest something which a troll in his normal state of mind would never think of looking for.
Knowledge which would shake the very foundation of troll society if it ever saw the midnight light of the moons.



There were books in this place. Hidden in a locked vault behind a painting in a room behind a shielded steel door behind a cupboard at the center of a maze, they were no part of the ‘regular’ exposition of books in the library. They were not meant for everyone’s eyes, not even for the dapper traveller daring to cross the brooding desert grounds infested with daywalkers.
But a few well-placed threats granted me access. The librarians and their assistants were old or weak, too long having lived secluded from the rest of troll society. I didn’t know at the time, but they had even chosen to raise their own separate Mother Grub (a vile and malformed insect) and reproduce through it, a crime upon which stood the highest penalty: being fed to one of Gl’bgolyb lesser beaks, and being slowly devoured for a period of no less than 1.025.612.413 sweeps, all the while remaining conscious. But, as stated, I didn’t know yet, and just assumed their fragile frames were due to their chosen lowly profession, lacking psychical exercise. I overcame their protests with ease.

The books I uncovered told of a period in time erased from the history books, its pages devoured by the gaping food hollow of the Grand Highblood.
They told of the Sufferer, and the tragedy of his life, and of his death.

The Sufferer was a mutant. An outcast. A curiosity. Outwardly, he appeared to be a normal troll of yellowgreenish caste, a perfect example of a lowly ranged THRESHECUTIONER.
But he would never have joined their rungs. During his entry exam, he would have been found out and culled instantly, both for his boldness and the depravity he represented.
For the Sufferer did not appear on any charts. He was a landdweller, he had no fins. He was a peasant, his hive was no castle. He was middle class, he would never experience manual labor if he didn’t seek it out as pastime. He was a freak, an a69mination, for his excretions did not match anything on the hemospectrum. He was a scarletblood.

When I first read of this, my first instinct was to leave the building at once, but not before shredding this blasphemous piece of insolent fiction, which mocked everything I held to be true. How could a troll ever not bleed vermillion, brown, mustard, jade, teal, indigo, cerulean, fuchsia, lila, or any shade in-between?
And yet, the safe I found this tome of heresy in contained a vial of crimson liquid, its substance almost, but not quite, entirely unlike any liquid I had ever laid eye on, troll blood or otherwise.
It smelled of cherries… of bloodthirsty prehistoric carnivores… Of freedom.
And so I read on.

The Sufferer, it said here, was not content with his place in society. Oppressed by the iron fist of the seabound upper class, his collapsing and expanding bladder went out to the submissive trolls he hid amongst, the very people who would puncture that same CAE bladder if he would ever shred a single tear, or cut his finger on a bone-bulge-wiping parchment.
He organized a rebellion. Over the course of many sweeps, he trained an army, and raised a cult.
His lifespan unnaturally long for the limeblood he pretended to be, he was able to imprint his followers with his own conviction: that for things to change for the better, the system needed to be turned… upside-down. Red needed to rule over purple.

All this was all good for me, as I read about it from the pages of what could easily pass for a weathered school book – or even a wiggler’s recuperacoontime story. My blood raced and I kept looking up and over my shoulder, half-expecting to see Her Imperious Condescension herself, having come to stop this charade in person. And yet, I could not put the book down. I was glued to the pages as if it was a drab piece of erotic gamblignant fiction, and equally enticed.
But still, nothing had yet pointed me any further in the direction of the answers I sought. I had begun to expect that I had been fooled by the troll who had shown me the way here. Secretly, I cursed the self-proclaimed ‘Sekret Wwizard’, a washed-up bum of noble blood and dishonorable conduct, whom I had stumbled across in a shady establishment, where empoored skippers drank away their sorrow over glasses of stale musclebeast milk.

And then I read the following passage.
It told of the relation the Sufferer had had with one of his followers. Or, better stated, one of his coworkers, his second-hand man in the growing legion of alternahemospectral cultists.



The book described their relationship as STRIVALRY. The syllables rolled off my tongue in a surprisingly familiar and naturally manner, as if the concept had always been there, imprinted in my cranium.
A STRIVALRY, it was explained, was a relationship directly opposite to a MOIRALLEGIANCE.
Moirails balance each other out. Commonly at the opposite end of the hemospectrum, their personalities are made to complement. Their bond is frozen by the cold ice of pity.
Strivals are united by the obsidian fire of hatred. But, as with moirails, their relation is strictly business, platonical to the very end. Their respective grudges and detestations never stood in the way of their cooperation.
Because, where a KISMESSITUDE is formed between rivals with conflicting interests, a STRIVALRY occurs when two trolls working toward the same goal find an even match in a colleague, someone with significantly different abilities yet matching prowess.
The Sufferer and his strival often clashed over how their movement should continue its growth. The Sufferer was all for keeping the peace until the sudden and unexpected uprisal.
The Psioneer, on the other hand, was torn over what the best course of action was. Sticking to the shadows, never drawing attention, secretly pulling the strings, or an immediate, violent, incessant display of bloodthurst to gain the upperhand?
They often quarreled, both in private and in public. But their discord did not take from the influence they had over their followers. In those days, their verbal aggression was seen as a healthy outlet.
Their aggravation with each other never turned into more… aroused hatred. At the same time, they made each other aware of their own faults and weaknesses. Strival worked in tandem with moirail to make the subject of platonic affection a better troll… and a better suitor.

As I pondered the faulty moirallegiance I had left behind, I wondered if the relation would have suffered or blossomed if we had tried to get under the other’s skin more instead of less. Alas, what’s done’s been done.
But it became apparent to me that strivals, if they are a real thing, would in the world we know today not be capable of understanding the emotions they felt towards some of their peers. They would be torn between pity and hate, pale or ashen feelings, and would not know what to do with these “in-between” feelings.
In fact, I could imagine they would constantly be torn between pitying and hating their successful-yet-impaired shadows. They wouldn’t know whether to count them as friends or enemies – something which a troll is already not that good at.
And the ARROWS symbol ‘<ᴛ>’, denoting strivalry, was as alien to me as the concept I once read about in a drive novel, of red swingy thingies attached to metal boxes which contained pieces of paper on which people exchanged conversation, instead of using a more sane method, like instant messaging.

I turned the page and started a new chapter. Following the title was a picture which bore some resemblance to another of the ‘only’ existing romances we know today.



With three participants, the comparison with the ashen quadrant was easy to make. (Was quadrant even a word to use any more? How would one part of six be called? A sextant? Preposterous.) Intuitively, I made the correct assumption that where AUSPITICISM is meant to quell and prevent black infidelity, this sext-- nay, HEXANT was where flushed infidel feeling was treated. The acting mediator was called, the CRUSHURPATOR, the relationship, CRUSHURPATIENCE.
Easy enough to understand, and I could quickly enough name a few of the… missteps I had made in the past, which could’ve been stopped short in their tracks with the right mediator.
Alas, our modern troll society knew no such concept, and I wondered why. The book contained examples of faulty crushurpatiences, where the crushurpator had a hidden agenda in driving the two lovers apart. Flushed or other feelings towards one of the crushurpees had been the source of many a promising matespritship never achieving liftoff. But this had not been the reason why today, no-one carved into a wooden forest behemoth anymore: ‘X c3 Y & Z’. And why no-one is ever in FANS with anyone else anymore.

It became clear that, together with the figure of the Sufferer, these two relationships had been erased from troll history for seemingly no reason at all.
I consulted the backdrop, and it appeared the lexicon had been assembled by a cultist, a believer, someone living centuries after the Sufferer had perished – I gathered this from the dates mentioned in the book and on the cover. Apparently, the Sufferer’s irradication had been insufficient for the highblood who had committed the act. But why?

I read on. And it was not for too long that I found out the last of a list of shocking revelations.
The Grand Highblood had been attracted to the Sufferer. With all their other respective relations firmly and securely established, he wanted to make the Sufferer his matesprit.
Of course the very idea of such an arrangement was repulsive on its own, even more so because they both represented such opposing ideals and ends of troll society.
The Highblood made his request during the Sufferer’s first and final uprisal. Sensing the right moment had come, the Sufferer and his followers came out of hiding during the first bilunar eclipse in hundreds of sweeps. He and his own tore their way through the threshecutioner squad, their numbers dwindling more rapidly than he had feared.
Finally, only the Sufferer, the Psioneer and his matesprit were left to face the Grand Highblood in his throneroom. A single lackey – an ancestor of the author, perhaps? – had followed them inside and was recording the events for future generations to come.

With two powerful psychics at his side, the ruffian held the advantage over the noble. Or so he thought.
When the maimed harlequin was almost defeated, his blood painting the walls and covering up the paintings which were testimonies of his previous victories, he made his request.
The Sufferer made no indication of even considering such a brazen commitment, but the Psioneer’s mate felt it up to her to intervene still. Acting as their momentary crushurpator, she attempted to explain to the Highblood all the reasons why such a relationship could never worked out.
The Grand Highblood went bezerk. No-one knew where he found the strength or occasion, but he managed to clubber the Sufferer to death, crush the Psioneer into a wall with a single hammer blow, and he did way of the unfortunate unnamed troll that was his mate. There was no record of what he did to her, but the author stated duely: ‘Not a single fiber remained to pass onto the drone. Her rustblooded line ended then and there.’
The lackey who witnessed all this? Perhaps he hadn’t been on the Sufferer’s side after all – the losing side. It would explain why he could’ve survived long enough, to ensure that what he knew of would be passed on to the next troll to bear his symbol.

Twice brokenhearted, the Highblood went forth to dictate the law. With Her Condescension’s approval, he removed the Sufferer from all of recorded history. Without her approval but still unstoppable, he and his legion of subjugglators erased the concept of strivals and crushurpers. For it was because of his strong strivalry that the Sufferer had almost succeeded in beating the Highblood, and it was due to the (short-lived) crushurpatience of the Psioneer’s mate that the Highblood was left behind matespritless (or so he choose to think).
And so they went out and commenced the oppression of the two relationships for all time to come, until no single troll remembered what they stood for. With the exception of the Empress, and the author of the book I had found. And, as from now on, you and I.

The epilogue of the book talked of what happened afterwards, when the final memory of the oppressed romances had all but vanished from public troll society. The last remaining followers of the Sufferer and practitioners of strivalry and crushurpatience kept to the shadows, as they were forced to helpless observation of the degeneration of their peers. They saw how even though the subjugglators had erased the concepts, the emotions pertaining to the former hextants remained seeded in trolls’ bladders, and searing through their veins.

It wasn’t too long before the emotions were absorbed into neighboring relationships. This signed the start of the discord which had reached such far-reaching proportions in my time.
Moirails, who had before been strictly about balancing the other partner out, started pointing out the other’s flaws, an inherently wrong course of action in this romance.
Auspistices in nature pity the pair of spiteful arguers and try to instill feelings of pity in an otherwise hateful relationship. But as the influence of crushurpatience seeped in, the triangle grew asymmetrical. Auspistees swapped seemingly at will between pity and hatred (burning pity and brewing hatred), and the auspistice grew aggravated with the pair they were supposed to be helping, as they could make head nor tail out of this tangled-up mess. An auspistice who resents either or both of the pair s/he needs to be helping won’t succeed at the job, this should be clear to all involved.
Unfortunately, no-one recognized that a resentful auspistice is basically a crushurper without a pair of beloveds to tear apart. And feelings of envy, jealousy between moirails, are nothing less but an indication of a lack of a healthy strivalry.
Only trolls like the author remembered the olden days where these feelings still had a place, and they were prosecuted and culled before their time should they ever start voicing their opinions in public, the pretense being the protection troll society – a devious rule the Grand Highblood of yore had added to the lawbook. So they hid away and kept to themselves, only passing on their knowledge in the form of books and stories inherited by their peers and descendants.
The library was nothing more now but a temple run by a bunch of misfits, trolls who had lost touch with current times. It was a ruin that had started to crumble under outside pressure, and before long, even it and its inhabitants would be erased from history.

But I will break the silence. I’ve taken it upon myself to re-establish the Sufferer to his rightful place in history, and to start a movement to normalize the relationships in what I’ve come to call: the rose and suited hexants.
It is now clear to me that this is how troll romance should be divided:



- Conscupient third: flushed and caliginous
- Conciliatory two-third: pale, ashen, rose and suited
- Conculleaguience third: pale and suited
- Contrivenal third: rose and ashen
- Consortive two-third: flushed, caliginous, pale and suited
- Red half: flushed, pale and rose
- Black half: caliginous, suited and ashen

And I will stop at nothing to



Ah! Uh? Oh, please excuse me. I hear someone knocking at my door.
It will only be a moment.



Uhm. Oh geez. Excuse me. It appears I have failed to fill my conscupient quadrants in time. Please excuse me while I make some calls. I will be with you aga

THE END

(Editor’s note: The events described in this article are purely fictional. The author was a delirious lunatic long overdue for culling. There has never been such things as Sufferers, arrows or fans. The hemospectrum is grand. The quadrants are glorious. ALL HAIL HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION.)

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Fun fact: while making the pictures for this work, I accidentally created a rave party:

show spoiler

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[25/09/2011] As promised before, the second article: (Essay on) Troll Romance 2: The Romancing

[Twigwise]

Oh goody! Now the shipping threads will have even more ships!

This is very well written. While I don't know if I like the quadrant or sextant idea better, I admire how well written this is, and the idea. Good gob!

[GenetiXientist]

Interesting concept.

[Blaperile]

Wonderful job!

I especially like how the picture of Equius' hive was edited.

[plainWonder]

Now the shipping threads will have even more ships!

I know they don't need them, but like I've stated, it's difficult sometimes to validate the relationship between some trolls as one of the existing kinds of romance, based on the (mostly) succesful examples we're given in the expo (Mom&Dad, Jack&Queen, ...). Though even that doesn't stop people from shipping, say, Karkat / Sollux.

While I don't know if I like the quadrant or sextant idea better, I admire how well written this is, and the idea.

Yeah, I'm not pressing you on. The concept of Fans/Arrows doesn't fit into the card symbol thing we've had going, plus, it would mean we need two more MC members! (Fans Fievel and Arrows Sissy?)

Interesting concept.

I thought so too. I had to consider first if I would be able to muster up enough creativity to write an entire essay based on it, though.

I especially like how the picture of Equius' hive was edited.

Actually, Equius' hive's a castle. You've got it confused with Darkleer's hive (or atleast, the place he got expatri8ed to), which was edited from the cavern containing Equius' first gate on LOCAS (and the second he entered). And now, apparently, its facade doubles for a container for ancients tombs of wisdom!

[Blaperile]

>.<

Oops, I meant to say Equius' ancestor's hive, but I forgot to add the ancestor part.

[Zuki]

I'm very much in favor of fictional essays written by fictional people, but I'm not fully certain that Moirallegiance and Auspistice are actually so lacking in utility. Would you care to discuss it out of character, or argue in-character?

[Holly]

"its substance almost, but not quite, entirely unlike any liquid I had ever laid eye on" - Was this a reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide?
I really liked reading this, it was very interesting!

[plainWonder]

"its substance almost, but not quite, entirely unlike any liquid I had ever laid eye on" - Was this a reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide?
I really liked reading this, it was very interesting!

I've read THGTTG several years ago. For whatever reason, I recently ended up on the wiki page. I was surprised to see it had a sequel (quintequel?), by the Artemis Fowl author no less! The reference just poored out of my pen upon writing, really.

I'm very much in favor of fictional essays written by fictional people, but I'm not fully certain that Moirallegiance and Auspistice are actually so lacking in utility. Would you care to discuss it out of character, or argue in-character?

This is precisely the sort of propaganda the Troll Imperial Communicatering Federation has spread out during all these sweeps, under influence of the Royal Subjugglator Council!
I know it is hard to wrap your green brain mass around this idea, but I understand the only reason your brain cells is assuming this ingratiating position is because you’ve been trained to recoil when this subject is breached.
But I will try to tear your gaze away from the hypnotizing image of a perfect fourway romantic ideal, so that you may come to accept the broader picture.

I am not, I will try to stress this, inherently against the other four kinds of romance. They all serve their role in fulfilling a troll’s romantic destiny, but they will only flourish when all serendipitous partners have been found. A troll lacking in either hexant will fail to be the perfect partner, and thusly will negatively influence the romantic situation of his partners, until the entirety of troll society is at risk. Normally, the most sane approach would be to cull the disrupting element, so that his partners may move on and find their true serependitous soulmates. But with an either third of the romantic scale inaccessible, this is not an option.

The point I’m making is not that Moirallegience and Auspisticism are lacking in utility, it’s that their proper use has watered throughout history, ever since the day Strivalry and Crushurpatience were sent into oblivion.
Moirails balance out and administer therapy. Auspistices mediate and quell. That is their one and only purpose.
If you see a relationship where the above is not true, or where the duo or trio seem to harbor other feelings for their abetting trolls, this can have many reasons.
The foremost reason would be that the coupling was not serependitous. But if malaligned pairing become the norm, like I have observed to be the case in recent times, a more sinister force is at work.

That is the force of oppression at work. Of suppression. Of subjugglation.

I hope you may at least look upon your black pursuitors with changed eyes. At least, consider the nature of your rivalry. Are you on opposing ends, and is the need for a bucket high? Then thou art kismeses, and so it shall be written down in the records. But if you harbor nothing but platonic hate, and if your goals align more than you find comforting, you may be in strivalrous cooperation. Continue hating and aggravating, and being hated and aggrevated, and you may find your goals in closer reach than before, as you train yourself to outmatch the other.

And do not harbor resentful feelings towards the meddling and fuzzing that uprooted a budding red romance. For it may have been you hadn’t found your matesprit yet, and the intermission was for the best. Learn from that blown-out candlelight, so that your future matespritship can light a nation. An empire. The universe.

This is the Ghost of Typhus Rollex, responding to your question from beyond the grave. I have found a sufficiently abled rustblood to channel my thoughts on this ouija board. I hope my notes were sufficient.

~ ~ ~

Speaking OOC, the subject of whether 4 or 6 romances suffice is really subjective. Andrew’s exposition only discusses the four, and it doesn’t match the card theme we’ve had going, like I said.
But it’s just strange to consider that and are so directly opposite feelings, whereas and seem to lack that opposition. Both romances on the conciliatory end of the chart are there to support the conscupient end, okay. But the similarities end there, don’t they? We have a pair of supplementary trolls, and a pair of spiteful trolls being mediated.
If auspisticm was a twoway romance, it would be more opposite to moirallegiance. But the fact is, it needs a mediator to be whole.
Simply put, strivalry and crushurpatience are there to form a better opposite for the existing romances. Any mismatches or holes in my reasoning may be explained away by a better suited writer. Nepeta, perhaps, would be more than thrilled to add 2 new columns to her shipping wall. And she’d have them filled in before the hour was over (the charts, not the hextants).

The choice is yours to make when you see these lacking relations between trolls, and when your hear my attempt at ‘fixing’ the situation: do you take the blue pill (oblivion, despair, disbelief) or the red pill (revelation, faith, belief)?

[Coasterman29]

AH. ADD. THIS. NOW.

This needs to be official.

[plainWonder]

Okay, but what are the odds one of the trolls, in their session, can still stumble across a lost manuscript of this essay? Or would you rather have SS find it and voice his opinion on the matter of new sorts of troll romance.
(Hint: his opinion? It's )
Then again, we've already had some episodes taking place pre-SGRUB, like Mindfang's journal entries, and the latest GamTav shipping/teasing convo.

On that subject, have you any ideas for ships with the canon cast?
Already mentioned:

• Karkat <ᴛ> Sollux (or rather Sufferer <ᴛ> Psioneer)
• Karkat c3 (Vriska, John)
• Eridan c3 (Sollux, Feferi)

What are your (least) favorite new shipping possibilities?
What pairing subverts/disproves these ideas for new troll romances?
Which of the humans can be shipped in a (probably one-sided) c3 or <ᴛ> relation?

[GenetiXientist]

I would argue that Karkat <T> John is a viable ship. Karkat has admitted that John isn't a kismesis, but Karkat definitely hates John. The two are both striving to get rid of Bec Noir (Hate the term, but W/E), and they do both mock each other, and try to correct the other's perceived flaws. So I like this, because it doesn't contradict any canon.

Of course, Sollux and Karkat don't seem to fit the idea of strivals very well. They seem to not even dislike one another, but rather enjoy mocking one another, not out of hate, but out of friendship. Really, they act like one of my closest friends and I, trading ridiculous insults and the like for the hilarity of it.

[Phynicxs]

This awesome and needs to be canon!
I always wondered why there was no 'Just enemies' but there was 'Just friends'.
And why we had a hate triangle but no love triangles!

[lexavian]

I like the idea that there are more conciliatory quadrants than the two we have but I'm not sure I get these two you purposed in particular. Could just give me just a very short description that sums it up? Like, for the existing : "one true love", "one true hate", "mediator in unstable or unhealthy relationships", and "co-counselor" (The last one was phrased poorly, I know.)

[plainWonder]

I would argue that Karkat <T> John is a viable ship. <snip> I like this, because it doesn't contradict any canon.

True that. Of course, John seems incapable of holding any real grudges or hateful feelings, except against Bec Noir. But two people who get under each other's skin all the time, uniting against a common enemy, is definitely a situation which can lead to a succesful strivalry.
(I, too, apoligize for the term; it wasn't easy coming up with a good denominator, so I settled for this one.)

Of course, Sollux and Karkat don't seem to fit the idea of strivals very well. They seem to not even dislike one another, but rather enjoy mocking one another, not out of hate, but out of friendship. Really, they act like one of my closest friends and I, trading ridiculous insults and the like for the hilarity of it.

Yeah, well, storywise (my own story, not canon), this is because the idea of strivalry is as alien to them now as kismessitude is to humans, because of shenanigans in ancient Troll past.
Half the time, they seem to be unable to identify as either friends or enemies, kind of like how Karkat/Terezi is constantly flipping between flirting and mocking. That's why I thought of labeling the chemistry between them as attempts at something else: not quite what the true romantic courtship named 'strivalry' should be like, but close enough to bring up.

This awesome and needs to be canon!
I always wondered why there was no 'Just enemies' but there was 'Just friends'.
And why we had a hate triangle but no love triangles!

Thanks! I know you're not the only one out there, that's why it seemed a good idea to make this piece of work and try to spark a discussion around it.

I like the idea that there are more conciliatory quadrants than the two we have but I'm not sure I get these two you purposed in particular. Could just give me just a very short description that sums it up? Like, for the existing : "one true love", "one true hate", "mediator in unstable or unhealthy relationships", and "co-counselor" (The last one was phrased poorly, I know.)

Well, "just friends" is what you can call moirails (see the post above yours), so "just enemies" is what you can call strivals. And in the same way, the crushurpator is "mediator in unstable or unhealthy relationships", but in a love-based way.

Of course, nothing is ever that simple for trolls. Firstly, while we identify love 'n hate to be polar opposites, for trolls, love (or more generally, pity) is just the toned-down version of the central romantic feeling, hate. Yet, they still see pity-based romances as equally important as hate-based ones, so I will still use equal descriptions for opposite romances while only swapping a few words.
Keep in mind that any description we try to give in human terms is equally lacking in nuance. This is proven by the fact that the English translations for all the romance names are portmanteaus. But I'll still try and be as concise as possible:

- matespritship: mutual pity so strong their union improves the quality of the incestuous slurry. (“I love hir so much I want to sleep with hir.”*)
- kismessitude: mutual hate so strong their union improves the quality of the incestuous slurry. (“I hate hir so much I want to sleep with hir.”*)
- moirallegiance: mutual platonic pity through which two opposites balance eachother out and help the other overcome hirs weaknesses.**
- strivalry: mutual platonic hate through which two similars balance eachother out and help the other overcome hirs weaknesses.**
- crushurpatience: mutual, inferior pity which should not flourish lest the slurry be contaminated and the future of the race be compromised. In need of active mediation by a third troll who hates the pairing. (“These two don’t really pity each other like that, I should keep an eye out to stop them from doing something they’ll regret later.”)
- auspisticism: mutual, inferior hate which should not flourish lest the slurry be contaminated and the future of the race compromised. In need of active mediation by a third troll who pities the pairing. (“These two don’t really hate each other like that, I should keep an eye out to stop them from doing something they’ll regret later.”)

I hope this clarifies more the reasoning behind introducing (or storywise: re-establishing) 2 extra troll romances; they bring extra balance and secure the gloRIOUS FUTURE OF THE ALTERNIAN EMPIRE!!!! MOOHAHAHAhAhAha*cough*!! Sorry.

* Trolls may or may not use the term “to sleep with”.
** If a troll would injure his horn during this or that (e.g. a training exercise), a common moirail response would be: “There, there. Calm down, it’s okay. I’m sure tomorrow you’ll do better.”
But a strival would say: “Man up, Jegus! I’m disgusted they let a wimp like you come off so easily. Now get going; I’m going to the gym and you’re coming with me, and you’re going to try and keep up, like a troll that doesn’t need culling!”
Either approach might have a better result in different situations: some weaknesses have to be... not ignored but overcome by concentrating on and working on your strongpoints. But other weaknesses just call for extra training and effort be put into them.

[OrangeAipom]

Consortive? What does that mean?

You seem to portray strivalry as tsundere moirallegiance.

[Phynicxs]

Consortive? What does that mean?

You seem to portray strivalry as tsundere moirallegiance.

Consortive
Consort. to associate with or spend time in the company of somebody undesirable. so... Uh...???

I found strivals more like. "Dude you suck LOL" "Im going to prove that guy wrong!" "Oh noes that guy might be becoming better than me! I must try harder!"

Think of the original pokemon game with Red and Blue (gary oak). you had the option to lose to gary, but he just pissed you off so much you wanted to beat him. doing so made you a better player.

I'm not sure that that explaination is right though.

[magnetoHydroDynamics]

OTTO: Romance quadrants, I really like your hexant-theory...

I however have a different take on Auspiticicity:

It is a two-person relationship, in which both participants dislike each other. And in order to mock one another they solve each other problems, all the while meticulously pointing out each and every mistake and reason why their partner was in trouble in the first place.

As I see it, all troll relationships are constructive.
My take on Auspiticity serves as a self-improvement/constructive criticism course.
(Matespritship serves to relieve depression, Kismesis to provide relatively safe "training rivals," and Morailegiance serves as an emotional outlet.)

But your theory is great too. And a cannon fix is easy, just replace The Grand Highblood with The Disciple and The Condescence with The Neophyte Legislacerator.

EDIT: OH GOG THIS SYSTEM MAKES PERFECT SENSE!

[PriffyViole]

The more I think about it, the more this makes sense.

[plainWonder]

Consortive? What does that mean?

You seem to portray strivalry as tsundere moirallegiance.

Consortive
Consort. to associate with or spend time in the company of somebody undesirable. so... Uh...???

I meant more like “consortive as in ‘consorts’”. You know, the beings you need to cooperate with, for better or worse? Being a good troll means a) reproducing, b) not being killed. To this end, trolls need to form consortive bonds and help the trolls survive that they are in cahoots with. cahoooooooots. I didn’t realize the word had a predominantly negative meaning. … To the Googles!
“Consortive” -> First entry: “Analysis of consortive relationships between the Siberian stone pine and the nutcracker in the Northern Urals” … I think it can also be a neutral term. Lol.
Hold that thought. Arrrrgh, I just now saw that I meant to put flushed, caliginous, pale and suited romance in the consortive two-third, not rose! Let me go edit that in. I suppose we still lack a two-third grouping <3, <3<, c3 and c3<. Any ideas, preferrably words starting in "con"?
As for your last comment, “tsundere moirails” … Okay, so the relationship stays platonic forever (that covers the moirail part), but the black feelings the two partners harbour for each other never turn into pity (like "successful" tsundere relationships end up doing, I guess), else they’ve swapped quadrants, really. I go into more detail below.

I found strivals more like. "Dude you suck LOL" "Im going to prove that guy wrong!" "Oh noes that guy might be becoming better than me! I must try harder!"

Think of the original pokemon game with Red and Blue (gary oak). you had the option to lose to gary, but he just pissed you off so much you wanted to beat him. doing so made you a better player.

This comes close. But add a bit of Cheren/Biance from the current Pokémon generation. You’ve got a rival who’s sometimes better than you, sometimes weaker. If you win, he trains to become better. If you lose, you do the same. And though you dislike each-other – platonically - (here Gary comes in again), you have a common opponent you battle with side by side (Team Rocket/Plasma). And only through not bulging for each other, are you able to overcome it, after which you have to begrudgingly respect the other. Until one beats the other at tic-tac-toe or something equally stupid, then the whole thing starts over.
To drive the point home, I think strivals are more inclined to have sparring sessions than feelings jams. Moirails tend to the troll and his role in his relationships, strivals tend to the troll’s role in society.

As I see it, all troll relationships are constructive.
My take on Auspiticity serves as a self-improvement/constructive criticism course.
(Matespritship serves to relieve depression, Kismesis to provide relatively safe "training rivals," and Morailegiance serves as an emotional outlet.)

Huh. I think troll romance is "constructive" in so far that each serves a purpose, be it psychologically or for reproduction reasons.
But I don't really understand your take on auspisticism. It's supposed to be a kismessitude waiting to happen, only stopped by the intervention of the auspistice.
I guess, if the auspistice is successful, then the relation may evolve into what your proposing. In a world where hexants were a real thing, though, I think "pointing out the other's flaws by example" would be more on the territory of strivalry.

But your theory is great too. And a cannon fix is easy, just replace The Grand Highblood with The Disciple and The Condescence with The Neophyte Legislacerator.

I’ve thought about canon fixing this, too. But I stopped at changing “Psioneer” into [Psi]iioneer. Heheh. But uh.. What do you mean with "replace X with Y" exactly? Sufferer </3 Disciple, and… Neophyte c/3< Sufferer?

By the way, interesting combination of hexants you’ve got filled, there. *points to sig*
I hope the c3 didn’t cause the <3<?

The more I think about it, the more this makes sense.

You mean like the concept of universal karma, the Roswell incident and the hollow moon theory? :P I kid, I kid. (Don't want to upset my karma scale.)

Let me use this occasion to welcome all readers who found this thread through mHD’s sig, or after being linked here from the Forumite Romance IX thread or Be the Sea Dweller Lowblood. Actually, I’m not sure about that last one – still trying to catch up to that god dawn tiger behemoth of a fan adventure, but I’m pleased strivalry is at least mentioned there, and thrilled to be linked to from both a sig AND a popular thread.
Apparently, the Forumite Shippers already came up with two extra relationships. Together with Friendship and the Undefined Relationship – I think – that makes up 8 ways to ship up to 3 persons together! Woo-hoo! ()

I (or better, strivaly) was even mentioned in the Comic Discussion thread! (That post made me find the references in other threads, actually.) Thanks, everyone! I know I just took an idea which existed in the fandom and ran with it, but all the reactions are brilliant! I should probably thank ckret2. I read her Formspring, where she mentioned the strange asymmetry in troll relationships. If it hadn’t been for that post, I probably wouldn’t have made this thread! That just goes to show, inspiration strikes like the pouncegreet of an alien shipper-catgirl. Completely out of the b100.

[Aerok12]

so
i was thinking about this thread
and i realized

"oh my gosh
it's totally still uneven
what about mediating bad consortive pairings????????"

so i made this

show spoiler

hide spoiler

troll romance has gone beyond simple squares and circles
it has ascended to the third dimension
TROLLMANCE CUBE


but no seriously i only made those because i was bored and also i am just a bit ocd :v

also i changed suited to ivory because it was bothering me that "suited" wasn't really any kind of color at all i hope you don't mind


EDIT: ALSO i'm not saying to change anything this was just a silly little thing i did it's not even a deal

[Phynicxs]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

so
i was thinking about this thread
and i realized

"oh my gosh
it's totally still uneven
what about mediating bad consortive pairings????????"

so i made this

show spoiler

hide spoiler

troll romance has gone beyond simple squares and circles
it has ascended to the third dimension
TROLLMANCE CUBE


but no seriously i only made those because i was bored and also i am just a bit ocd :v

also i changed suited to ivory because it was bothering me that "suited" wasn't really any kind of color at all i hope you don't mind


EDIT: ALSO i'm not saying to change anything this was just a silly little thing i did it's not even a deal

... Uh, we had 6 and a cube has 6 sides so....
Anyway uh what are the tear dropped shapped ones for?

[PriffyViole]

... Uh, we had 6 and a cube has 6 sides so....
Anyway uh what are the tear dropped shapped ones for?

what about mediating bad consortive pairings????????

[Aerok12]

... Uh, we had 6 and a cube has 6 sides so....

except you can't really easily divide a cube into 6 pieces??

i was thinking more along the lines of this

actually on second thought it would probably work better as an octahedron than a cube but w/e

[Slave of Life]

Cubes have 6 sides. Why do you think cube-shaped dice are d6?

Also, this makes SO MUCH SENSE IT HURTS. It needs to be canon. >:O I mean, strivalry is one of THE most common romances in human fiction, why wouldn't trolls have it? Crushurpers also make total sense!

Although the actual explanation for how they disappeared is a bit faulty, that can be fixed I'm sure Edit: Just noticed the post date. Yeah, definitely forgivable and fixable

Anyways, GAH, this is totally my headcanon now and will NEVER GO AWAY.