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Thread: fantroll crit thread #1. THERE IS A NEW THREAD, PLEASE DON'T POST IN HERE ANY MORE.

  1. #1726
    Scourge of Umbrage Teslamagnetic Integration's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    => Be the irritant

    『You must not have many friends acting sour like that all the time!』

    => Just...be the yellowblood.




    Your name is INNISS GODELL, and you are a 7.8 sweeps old goldblood. You also don't know how to shut the fuck up when you're supposed to.

    You tend to say whatever is on your mind, no matter the repercussions involved. You always tell the truth, because you think its just better to be brutally honest, than to be sweetly dishonest. In fact, your tone has a bright, yet utterly deadpan punchline on every sentence, make it seems like you're sarcastic when you're definitely not. Though you can be. Nothing's really stopping you.

    Your lusus tends to worry about you all the time, worried you might get culled for saying the wrong things at the worst of times for the dumbest of reasons possible. You love your roachdad, no matter how much everyone else hates him. In fact, your roachdad is adorable; at least to you. You also protect him as much as possible, seeing as he's easily crushed by someone else. He'll survive no matter what, that you're certain, you just don't want him in pain.

    You have an obsession with both cooking, and FLARPing. In fact, you tend to try to mix the two a lot, which others would hate if you weren't such a brilliantly good cook. That's a lie. Actually, you're terrible at cooking. Nobody likes it. In fact, nobody likes you at FLARPing, because you're the weakest, and you just plain lose every single time. It's because of this that you tend to have virtually nothing but the clothes on your back. You tend to collect clothing left lying around for some reason, and it's become a hobby. You don't know why, really.

    That is to say, you aren't defenseless when shit hits the fan. You have a wonderful, yet completely and utterly hopeless power beyond all comprehension. You only sustain a mere fraction of damage inflicted upon you, no matter the source. A well rounded punch in the face would only hurt you like someone lightly slapping you. Of course, this would be utterly perfect, if it didn't both kill your sense of pain tolerance and nerves to a dulled point, and didn't make your reflexes disgustingly bad. Your power protects you, but that the same time, makes you utterly powerless. If your power were compared to theirs, it would be minus below average. You tend to balance this by fleeing. You're almost too good at retreating from enemies. It's how you've survived all this time, even. Though, you do sometimes get lucky and kill a few trolls. But that's life, isn't it?

    Your strife specibus is the fncysntaKind, and your fetch modus is the FICTION GLOSSARY. You must allocate each item in its corresponding genre of fiction.

    Your trolltag is bracketedCandor, and you 『talk within the pure honesty you have towards everyone!』
    [spoiler]
    OCs:

  2. #1727
    DigitalBlasphemy's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    *reads roachdad lusus*

    SQUICK! Oh god, yuck.

    Other than that, interesting troll, I like him a lot! He sounds like he would be a fun character. But, mind explaining his strife specibus? I've really never heard of such a thing before. Lastly, I know you said he has nothing but the clothes on his back. So he doesn't have a hive either? And what does he eat, seeing as he's incredibly poor?
    Last edited by DigitalBlasphemy; 11-04-2011 at 02:29 AM. Reason: typo
    "To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection."
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  3. #1728
    Scourge of Umbrage Teslamagnetic Integration's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Takes food and bolts for it, usually. But it isn't all too often, he's accustomed of being able to go a long time without eating.

    His strife specibus is the fncysntaKind, or the "fancy santa" kind. He treats them like a bludgeoning weapon. Or well, he would. If he didn't usually lose.

    He has a hive, it's just underground. Hidden away.
    [spoiler]
    OCs:

  4. #1729
    bear's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Small world haha. His horns remind me of whale tails. c: And thank you! I actually didn't have that in mind, but now that you mention it...

  5. #1730
    Neutral Puppeteer LordHyper's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Fan-troll concept:

    Samiel Waltin
    Age: The equivalent of 20 in Sweeps
    Gender: Male
    Lusus: Kangaroo
    Blood: Brown
    Strife Specibus: Gunkind
    Fetch Modus: Wallet

    In his younger years, Samiel ran a PLOT-DEVICE STORE (a highly popular store for FLARPers) with his KANGAROO LUSUS. The store was more successful than he thought it would be, so he ended up buying another store. Then another, then another...

    Basically, Samiel ended up creating the troll version of WAL-MART.

    Samiel is STRATEGIC and thinks of WELL THOUGHT OUT ideas. As a lowblood, he's pretty rich and lives in a BLUE-BLOOD SCALE HIVE. However, with his success came many problems. Mainly, daily assassination attempts from local STORE OWNERS and JEALOUS LOWBLOODS. As a result, he became PARANOID and refuses to step outside of his hive without the company of his kangaroo lusus. He never goes anywhere without his lusus and is usually seen in public RIDING in her pouch. Whenever a stranger would go near him, he would point a gun at them, that is, if his lusus hadn't beaten the crap out of them already. Although he's old enough to leave ALTERNIA, he regularly pays off the higher-ups to let him stay. He's too scared of getting into actual fights, let alone GALACTIC CONQUEST.

    Samiel gained a fondness for PACKAGED AND PRESERVED FOODS, as the chances of it being poisoned would be very low. He creates FLARP CAMPAIGNS to entertain young trolls buying equipment at his store. However, some trolls are disappointed that some of his campaigns don't feature much fighting, which stems from Samiel's constant FEAR AND PARANOIA.

    As you may expect, he has no SOCIAL LIFE. Most of his friends tend to be his BEST CUSTOMERS. Except for MOIRAILLEGENCE, he does not pursue relationships, as most of his options on ALTERNIA are young trolls. And having a relationship with them would be weird. As such, he also bribes the IMPERIAL DRONES.
    >Nothing out of the ordinary.

  6. #1731
    Monkeysky's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by LordHyper View Post
    Fan-troll concept:

    Samiel Waltin
    Age: The equivalent of 20 in Sweeps
    Gender: Male
    Lusus: Kangaroo
    Blood: Brown
    Strife Specibus: Gunkind
    Fetch Modus: Wallet

    In his younger years, Samiel ran a PLOT-DEVICE STORE (a highly popular store for FLARPers) with his KANGAROO LUSUS. The store was more successful than he thought it would be, so he ended up buying another store. Then another, then another...

    Basically, Samiel ended up creating the troll version of WAL-MART.

    Samiel is STRATEGIC and thinks of WELL THOUGHT OUT ideas. As a lowblood, he's pretty rich and lives in a BLUE-BLOOD SCALE HIVE. However, with his success came many problems. Mainly, daily assassination attempts from local STORE OWNERS and JEALOUS LOWBLOODS. As a result, he became PARANOID and refuses to step outside of his hive without the company of his kangaroo lusus. He never goes anywhere without his lusus and is usually seen in public RIDING in her pouch. Whenever a stranger would go near him, he would point a gun at them, that is, if his lusus hadn't beaten the crap out of them already. Although he's old enough to leave ALTERNIA, he regularly pays off the higher-ups to let him stay. He's too scared of getting into actual fights, let alone GALACTIC CONQUEST.

    Samiel gained a fondness for PACKAGED AND PRESERVED FOODS, as the chances of it being poisoned would be very low. He creates FLARP CAMPAIGNS to entertain young trolls buying equipment at his store. However, some trolls are disappointed that some of his campaigns don't feature much fighting, which stems from Samiel's constant FEAR AND PARANOIA.

    As you may expect, he has no SOCIAL LIFE. Most of his friends tend to be his BEST CUSTOMERS. Except for MOIRAILLEGENCE, he does not pursue relationships, as most of his options on ALTERNIA are young trolls. And having a relationship with them would be weird. As such, he also bribes the IMPERIAL DRONES.
    A. What is his symbol?
    B. What are the plot devices he sells?
    C. You can't bribe drones. By definition, a drone cannot be bribed.

  7. #1732
    Monkeysky's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by bear View Post
    Small world haha. His horns remind me of whale tails. c: And thank you! I actually didn't have that in mind, but now that you mention it...
    Yeah, I try to get the horns to match the symbol, either in form or theory.

    Here's one of them, I guess.



    Your name is CISELL SCEALU, and LIFE HAS BEEN GOOD TO YOU.

    You live in a ROCK CLIFF HIVE, along with your kindly, but sadly crippled, ARMADILLO LUSUS. Since you emerged from the wriggling caves a bit more than SIX SWEEPS AGO, your lusus has amazed you with the stories of your heroes, the mighty SKULLPTORS. Ever since then, you have trained your strength in order to join their exclusive ranks. You are now quite skilled at the ability to CARVE STONE USING ONLY YOUR SKULL AND HORNS. Since this inevitably leads to large amounts of smashing, it has led to the incredible strengthening of your horns and skull, at the expense of a permanently lost tooth (the rest tend to grow back) and a lazy eye, which you have never had time to treat. You tend to spend your days TRAINING YOUR STRENGTH AND SKILL by breaking the boulders that fall from the rock cliff, and CARVING YOUR MASTERPIECE, an enormous stone relief surrounding your hive, displaying the history of the skullpting movement. You hope that the completion of this project will allow you acceptance into their society. When you are too tired or injured to do either of these, you spend your time CARING FOR YOUR LUSUS, and APPLYING FOR SUPPLY GRANTS from the emperor-to-be's official assistant. In exchange, you often provide skullptures for her or the emperor.
    You hold the hemospectrum in very high regard, but you don't believe that it should be abused in the way that many high-bloods do. You are friends with a few low-bloods, and you are often uncomfortable with the way the assistant treats those beneath her, yourself included, but you still believe that the lower serving the higher is the natural way, and that order can only be kept through this. You still keep courteous to members of all blood colors, but you tend to act more sternly towards those below you.
    You use SKULLKIND abstractus. Your fetchmodus is SCULPTMODUS, in which you must mimic the shape of your desired item. If you were to enter SGRUB, you would be the KNIGHT OF SPACE, and you would live on THE LAND OF SPIRES AND FROGS, along with your consorts, MYSTERIOUS GREY MICE.

    Your trolltag is artisticGranite, and you hafe a strange akkent, from your lost toof.
    Last edited by Monkeysky; 11-04-2011 at 06:12 PM.

  8. #1733
    The upside-down guy BewareOfNerd's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Brown entrepeneur:
    1. It is difficult for lowbloods to attain high status or wealth, even if they do have good ideas. If anything, they'd probably just put him in the army and ship him off to some hellhole planet that needs conquering.
    2. I don't think a guy just out of his teen years is capable of owning and managing one store, let alone a chain.
    3. He's an adult, so he's probably in the military, and definitely off-planet. Kids (which is to say the vast majority of fantrolls) are going to get weirded out talking to him.
    4. What's his personality like? How does he treat his workers?

    Blue fella:
    1. Lusii don't talk. He'd probably find out about the skullptors by random chance/destiny/whatever.
    2. Stone is stronger than bone and horn (and bashing your skull doesn't make it stronger), so his horns would be either smashed or worn down to nubs, and he'd be horribly brain-damaged from too many concussions.
    3. Describe his personality in more detail.
    4. Does he have any other interests?

  9. #1734
    Person Marshmellow's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by Marshmellow View Post
    >SWITCH 5

    >FLARP LOGIN acerbicAphidivorous ************

    So it took me a little while to actually get around to writing this up.
    I have fantrolls now apparently it seems.

  10. #1735

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Hey hey folks, I'm new to this forum and well I lurk a lot but this thread caught my interest. I'm pretty big into character design and development but I feel like I can do much, much better with all my characters. I made my first troll not to long ago and thought I'd share her with you guys. Now note that her bio and everything isn't quite Homestuck but you should get the idea of who she is.





    Tell me what you guys think! 3:]
    Last edited by MugenSpammer; 11-06-2011 at 11:02 PM.

  11. #1736
    The upside-down guy BewareOfNerd's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    1. Indigobloods pretty much never get psychic powers.
    2. Describe her personality. Is she loud and hammy? Sadistic? Tomboyish? Does she have any friends? How does she feel about the hemospectrum?
    3. Why balls and sacks? That sounds super weird. It seems more barbarian-y to mount people's heads on her walls or something.
    4. Clowns are associated with the unpopular Subjugglator cult and regarded by most humans as creepy rather than funny. Perhaps use LOLcats or something instead? Not a huge deal, though.

  12. #1737

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by BewareOfNerd View Post
    1. Indigobloods pretty much never get psychic powers.
    >.>

    just adding my own input

  13. #1738
    Creation Nucleus llamamiah's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by scintillatingMoniker View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by BewareOfNerd View Post
    1. Indigobloods pretty much never get psychic powers.
    >.>

    just adding my own input
    I know it's been said that he shouldn't be used for reference, but still: Gamzee. That is all.
    Avatar made by the great Dexexe1234!
    Everything in the Spoiler!


  14. #1739

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    We don't know if gamzee's power is unique to him or a sburb thing yet, so we can't make judgements. Hussie said "maybe it's a subjuggulator thing" but he definately said maybe too much for that to be the actual answer.

    So no, he is not a good example of a highblood with powers.

    (it also helps that like 50% of the canon trolls are explicitly freaks of nature)

  15. #1740
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by MugenSpammer View Post
    Hey hey folks, I'm new to this forum and well I lurk a lot but this thread caught my interest. I'm pretty big into character design and development but I feel like I can do much, much better with all my characters. I made my first troll not to long ago and thought I'd share her with you guys. Now note that her bio and everything isn't quite Homestuck but you should get the idea of who she is.





    She is a character in the RP Spherecrossed. Tell me what you guys think! 3:]
    1. Indigoblooded fantrolls should not have psychic powers, ever. Just have her be STRONG, like Equius or Feferi.
    2. A spade is not a valid fantroll symbol, much like a heart/club/diamond wouldn't be either. They're quadrant symbols, not caste symbols- something different, please? Seriously, giving a troll a spade symbol makes you look like you're 13 and fresh from Deviantart.
    3. Ugh, that outfit. She's dressed like a stripper. A fashionable stripper. If you won't give her more covered skin, at least make her outfit all black, since she sticks out like a sore thumb.
    4. On Alternia, clowns don't equal funny, they equal subjugglators and thus fear and oppression. Like BON said, you ought to change it to lolcats or something else, because clowns just don't work.
    Last edited by Thunder Reign; 11-05-2011 at 10:28 AM.

  16. #1741
    『  』 saddestsad's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by Thunder Reign View Post
    2. A spade is not a valid fantroll symbol, much like a heart/club/diamond wouldn't be either. They're quadrant symbols, not caste symbols- something different, please? Seriously, giving a troll a spade symbol makes you look like you're 13 and fresh from Deviantart.
    3. Ugh, that outfit. She's dressed like a stripper. A fashionable stripper. If you won't give her more covered skin, at least make her outfit all black, since she sticks out like a sore thumb.
    I thought the stripperness of the outfit plus the spade went hand in hand.

  17. #1742
    daidaiirao Karhs12's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Gamzee doesn't really count as psychic. Chucklevoodoos are, from what I understand, something that subjuggalators can do/create/whatever the verb is, but they never have any other powers.
    ...I could be completely wrong though.

  18. #1743
    Nameless One Blank's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Is the stripperness of the outfit refering to the sprite, the concept art, or both? The pretty in mink look is because most Alternian creatures seen have white albino fur or skin. I know he also has a version with brown fur instead.

  19. #1744
    Scourge of Umbrage Teslamagnetic Integration's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    The design reminds me of the giant Amazonian women from Futurama, actually. So it's less really stripperiffic, and more, well...I want to use the word "typical", but it's not quite the one I'm looking for.
    [spoiler]
    OCs:

  20. #1745

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by Karhs12 View Post
    Gamzee doesn't really count as psychic. Chucklevoodoos are, from what I understand, something that subjuggalators can do/create/whatever the verb is, but they never have any other powers.
    We still don't know if hussie meant it when he said that.

    Personally I still think he said "maybe" a few too many times for it to be that simple, and it's something unique to Gamz.

    And besides that, we need to regulate troll's power levels in order to have fun, fair rp, and the only reason highbloods and lowbloods are equal strength-wise is because lowbloods get powers, highbloods get immunity. Making highblood and powers is just overpowered.

  21. #1746
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAipom View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Thunder Reign View Post
    2. A spade is not a valid fantroll symbol, much like a heart/club/diamond wouldn't be either. They're quadrant symbols, not caste symbols- something different, please? Seriously, giving a troll a spade symbol makes you look like you're 13 and fresh from Deviantart.
    3. Ugh, that outfit. She's dressed like a stripper. A fashionable stripper. If you won't give her more covered skin, at least make her outfit all black, since she sticks out like a sore thumb.
    I thought the stripperness of the outfit plus the spade went hand in hand.
    what no they're both terrible

  22. #1747
    『  』 saddestsad's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by Thunder Reign View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAipom View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Thunder Reign View Post
    2. A spade is not a valid fantroll symbol, much like a heart/club/diamond wouldn't be either. They're quadrant symbols, not caste symbols- something different, please? Seriously, giving a troll a spade symbol makes you look like you're 13 and fresh from Deviantart.
    3. Ugh, that outfit. She's dressed like a stripper. A fashionable stripper. If you won't give her more covered skin, at least make her outfit all black, since she sticks out like a sore thumb.
    I thought the stripperness of the outfit plus the spade went hand in hand.
    what no they're both terrible
    am i using figures of speech wrong?

  23. #1748
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Well, I assumed you meant in the sense that "oh but the stripper + spade things go so well together" in an overall "yes those are positive design aspects" way.

  24. #1749

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    1. Indigoblooded fantrolls should not have psychic powers, ever. Just have her be STRONG, like Equius or Feferi.
    2. A spade is not a valid fantroll symbol, much like a heart/club/diamond wouldn't be either. They're quadrant symbols, not caste symbols- something different, please? Seriously, giving a troll a spade symbol makes you look like you're 13 and fresh from Deviantart.
    3. Ugh, that outfit. She's dressed like a stripper. A fashionable stripper. If you won't give her more covered skin, at least make her outfit all black, since she sticks out like a sore thumb.
    4. On Alternia, clowns don't equal funny, they equal subjugglators and thus fear and oppression. Like BON said, you ought to change it to lolcats or something else, because clowns just don't work.
    Finally I got some good feedback

    To answer your points:
    1.) Her power is rather weak. It really can't work on living beings and if it does it mostly just holds them. More of a terrifying think then anything, it is better to use on already dead creatures. Severe concentration is require to use it and can easily be messed with to lose said concentration.

    2.) She is more Spade then anything else, like she is so far in the Spade Quadrant that it needs to be her symbol. Like that Spade can't stand not being with her. As for your offensive comparison, I would ask you be kind to a newbie good miss or sir. Till then I don't feel I should answer this question further then with more common Hussie Gags and Jokes.

    3.) No Stripper I've seen wears fur tassets, believe me I should know. As for the fur color, that was out of my hands. I wanted Brown but from what I can tell there are no Brown Creatures living on Alternia and I think white is a normal color for them. I also think she'd be to bothered to dye the clothes, Luxcia Rokcaw is not a patient lady.

    4.) That there is a very good point. I see I've looked at it like a little pink human wiggler and didn't look at it from a Troll perspective. This means I'll have to find a way for her to still hide her love for clowns, any suggestions are welcome.


    Also, she does indeed change between five outfits which at some point will give her powers and such. Outfit two is themed after a Pirate :3

  25. #1750

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by BewareOfNerd View Post
    1. Indigobloods pretty much never get psychic powers.
    2. Describe her personality. Is she loud and hammy? Sadistic? Tomboyish? Does she have any friends? How does she feel about the hemospectrum?
    3. Why balls and sacks? That sounds super weird. It seems more barbarian-y to mount people's heads on her walls or something.
    4. Clowns are associated with the unpopular Subjugglator cult and regarded by most humans as creepy rather than funny. Perhaps use LOLcats or something instead? Not a huge deal, though.
    More good stuff.

    1.) I've already went over this one in my last post so that one is all cool.

    2.)She is loud, obnoxious, and compulsive. She is easily able to wax obsidian for anyone who can best her in combat or manages to escape her. She hate mushrooms and hugs, finds entertainment by slaughter, and loves her trophies. I could go on for much longer but you get most of it. She doesn't have any friends, not till later as she tends to kill most things. As for the Hemospectrum, anything lower then her is worthy of Trophying. She is proud to be a highblood and finds the current rule very satisfactory.

    3.) They are super weird, but they also serve a purpose. Her Sylladex Modus requires her to spill blood, the balls and sacks are crushed and compacted blood inside flesh for easy removal of items without having to find something to kill. They sound worse then they really are and I assume they are to be the brunt of jokes later on, as she is super serious about them and there is no way anyone can be serious about them.

    4.) It's more of a "I like Clowns" thing then anything. It also pertains to her final powers so it is important, as unpopular as Clowns seem to be.

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