fantroll crit thread #1. THERE IS A NEW THREAD, PLEASE DON'T POST IN HERE ANY MORE.

[Katrika]

Okay, so, I just updated a profile of one of my trolls that, while fleshed out in rp, was not very fleshed out in roleplay. What do you guys think?

> Be the highblood

Your name is CHRISA PTERON and you're just a few hues above being teal. You live on a desert mesa with your rattlesnake lusus, and it tends to get KIND OF CHILLY. Thus, you wear a long skirt, a turtleneck, and a vest. You live on the top of the mesa, far out of reach of daywalking zombies. Practical! Inside your hive is a long stairway down to your garage, where you keep your motorcycles.

You like to think you don't really care about the caste system. After all, flaunting it always makes your BBFF, Altaia, super mad. She's such a bloodthirsty hemoloyal stick in the mud, it's hilarious! The truth, however, is a little more complex then that. While you don't actively flaunt your position unless you're feeling particularly bitchy, you find it rather difficult to care much about people lower on the spectrum, unless they happen to be friends of yours. That's going to occasionally bite you in the ass.

Aside from maintaining your motorcycle and being a general bitch to your best friend, you have a number of hobbies. You've got an INSTENSE PASSION for all things superhero, and collect superhero movies and posters. Altaia calls you a geek for it, but what would she know? It's not like she's particularly intellectual...teehee. Your love of superheros extends beyond simple fangirlism, however, and you've joined a group of superhero and villian larpers (not flarpers, it's much less deadly) as the crossbow wielding, trick shooting Cobalt Cross. It's really, really fun.

Speaking of rping, you also FLARP with Altaia, although lately it's been losing it's charm. Everybody else in the area are such wigglers about it, and it's starting to seem like a waste of time. Oh well...it's one of the things you do together with Altaia.

Speaking of Altaia, sometimes it seems like you hate her, but nothing could be further from the truth. Oh, she might be a thuggish brute most of the times, and an utter bitch, but she's also an incredably loyal friend, and you and her have been best friends for 5 sweeps. She was the one who comforted you a sweep ago when your lying bastard of a redblooded matesprit robbed you blind and vanished, and you're the one who acts as a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board whenever she's feeling down. You've recently become moirails, but you still think your friendship is more important then your romance.

Your trolltag is azureArrow and you ty>e in a >ointe< manner.

Age: 8 sweeps
Blood color: Steel blue
Modus: Target Practice

[passiveNotation]

I'm just going to quickly link the BloodBowl Fantroll Statistics Spreadsheet because it's sort of relevant. If you're interested in things like fantroll bloodcolor distribution, check it out.

[Captain Whosit]

Honestly? I think your profile refers to Altaia far too much. Focus more on Chrisa. Don't forget her obsession with colors! =P

Also, you didn't include the color code, so is this with the new or old blood color (the new one being fully saturated). The symbol is still the old color on the sprite.

[Katrika]

Whoops, that's the old color code. I'll have to edit her sprite later.

Meanwhile, how's the profile look now?

> Be the highblood

Your name is CHRISA PTERON and you're just a few hues above being teal. You live on a desert mesa with your rattlesnake lusus, and it tends to get KIND OF CHILLY. Thus, you wear a long skirt, a turtleneck, and a vest. You live on the top of the mesa, far out of reach of daywalking zombies. Practical! Inside your hive is a long stairway down to your garage, where you keep your motorcycles.

You like to think you don't really care about the caste system. The truth, however, is a little more complex then that. While you don't actively flaunt your position unless you're feeling particularly bitchy, you find it rather difficult to care much about people lower on the spectrum, unless they happen to be friends of yours. That's going to occasionally bite you in the ass.

Aside from maintaining your motorcycle and being a general bitch to your best friend, you have a number of hobbies. You've got an INSTENSE PASSION for all things superhero, and collect superhero movies and posters. Your love of superheros extends beyond simple fangirlism, however, and you've joined a group of superhero and villian larpers (not flarpers, it's much less deadly) as the crossbow wielding, trick shooting Cobalt Cross. It's really, really fun.

Speaking of rping, you also FLARP with your best friend, although lately it's been losing it's charm. Everybody else in the area are such wigglers about it, and it's starting to seem like a waste of time. You figure you’ll eventually move onto something else.

Speaking of Altaia, sometimes it seems like you hate her, but nothing could be further from the truth. Oh, she might be a thuggish brute most of the times, and an utter bitch, but she's also an incredably loyal friend, and you and her have been best friends for 5 sweeps. She was the one who comforted you a sweep ago when your lying bastard of a redblooded matesprit robbed you blind and vanished, and you're the one who acts as a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board whenever she's feeling down. You've recently become moirails, but you still think your friendship is more important then your romance.

You’ve got a secret passion for all things bright colored, and your respiteblock admittedly looks like a unicorn exploded in there. On the other hand, it insures that nobody else will go in there, as even your dear matesprit winces at the garish colors and hurries out. While your everyday outfit is properly somber, you’ve got a rainbow striped cocktail dress you wear in your hive when you’re feeling down.

Your trolltag is azureArrow and you ty>e in a >ointe< manner.

Age: 8 sweeps
Blood color: Steel blue
Modus: Target Practice

[Strider]

At the beginning of Paragraph 5 you say speaking of Altaia when she wasn't mentioned at all in Paragraph four and was mentioned on the first line of paragraph three, and not by name even. :I Maybe I'm just being incredibly pikcky, but I feel that having something like that there when it has no real relation to anything that was clearly mentioned towards the end of the previous paragraph kind of detracts from the thing as a whole. Just saying.

I like the last paragraph that you added on though. Gives the whole 'don't mess with me or I'll go rainbow drinker on you' vibe going in my opinion, which is kind of cool.

[Katrika]

She's...not a rainbow drinker. But you're right about the paragraph 5 transition. I'll edit that on her actual profile.

[Strider]

I know she's not. xD I was simply stating the impression that some other trolls might get from looking at her hive, which of course just guarantees that they'll want to stay away from it. lol

[Captain Whosit]

Alright, let's see if I can give this a more proper go-over.

So, first you mention that she's just above teal. Yeah, I think if she dropped 10-15 points, she'd be at the top of the teal range (not as noticeable as for Altaia, though, due to Chrisa being much brighter), but since you don't say what Chrisa thinks about this, it seems to be unnecessary information. Does it bother her that she's barely blue? Does she like it for some reason (gets perks of nobility, but isn't so high she can't slum around with low-bloods if she wants)? If she doesn't care, no point in mentioning it.

(Not relevant, but I didn't realize she work a skirt! I remember you mentioning pants. Heh.)

Bit about the caste system seems clear and succinct. I think you should add a bit about her motorcycle hobby. You mention that she has a garage of motorcycles, and mention off-hand that she maintains them, but that's it. Why does she like motorcycles, and the mechanical aspect in particular? Would be nice to know, although strictly speaking, information at that level of detail isn't necessary for the profile, but just a bit more about the hobby would be good.

It's already been mentioned about the flow issues with paragraphs 4 and 5. Content-wise, they seem good.

New paragraph seems good. I like the bow you added to her horn. Does she still actually do vigilante stuff as the Cobalt Cross, like in the original profile, or is that all play now? Oh, and if she has any desired profession, wouldn't hurt to mention that somewhere, too.

Obviously, I'm a bit biased, but I think Chrisa is a pretty good troll, and all the contradictions you've put in are good character hooks: Not outwardly hemoloyal, but has subtle biases. Secret love of colors (that stays secret). Oh, and she can be a bitch, too. =P

[Katrika]

Alright, I'll make some changes! Thanks!

EDIT: Here's the final version so you guys can see the changes I made.

> Be the highblood

Your name is CHRISA PTERON and you're 8 sweeps old You live on a desert mesa with your rattlesnake lusus, and it tends to get KIND OF CHILLY. Thus, you wear a long skirt, a turtleneck, and a vest. You live on the top of the mesa, far out of reach of daywalking zombies. Practical! Inside your hive is a long stairway down to your garage, where you keep your motorcycles.

Ah...your motorcycles. So fast and sleek and beautiful. You love the feeling of knowing you maintain them all on your own, and you're extremely proud of the modifications you've made to them. Sure, you didn't invent anything new, but what you did, you did with your own two grease stained hands! You dream of being a mechanic for the imperial fleet when you come of age.

You like to think you don't really care about the caste system. The truth, however, is a little more complex then that. While you don't actively flaunt your position unless you're feeling particularly bitchy, you find it rather difficult to care much about people lower on the spectrum, unless they happen to be friends of yours. That's going to occasionally bite you in the ass.

Aside from maintaining your motorcycle and being a general bitch to your best friend, you have a number of hobbies. You've got an INSTENSE PASSION for all things superhero, and collect superhero movies and posters. Your love of superheros extends beyond simple fangirlism, however, and you've joined a group of superhero and villian larpers (not flarpers, it's much less deadly) as the crossbow wielding, trick shooting Cobalt Cross. It's really, really fun. Almost as fun are the rare times you go out to actually deliver vigilante justice to, well...anyone who meets 3 or more of the criteria you've written up.

Speaking of rping, you also FLARP with your best friend, although lately it's been losing it's charm. Everybody else in the area are such wigglers about it, and it's starting to seem like a waste of time. You figure you’ll eventually move onto something else.

Your best friend is Altaia, and while sometimes it seems like you hate her, nothing could be further from the truth. Oh, she might be a thuggish brute most of the times, and an utter bitch, but she's also an incredably loyal friend, and you and her have been best friends for 5 sweeps. She was the one who comforted you a sweep ago when your lying bastard of a redblooded ex-matesprit robbed you blind and vanished, and you're the one who acts as a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board whenever she's feeling down. You've recently become moirails, but you still think your friendship is more important then your romance.

You’ve got a secret passion for all things bright colored, and your respiteblock admittedly looks like a unicorn exploded in there. On the other hand, it insures that nobody else will go in there, as even your current matesprit winces at the garish colors and hurries out. While your everyday outfit is properly somber, you’ve got a rainbow striped cocktail dress you wear in your hive when you’re feeling down.

Your trolltag is azureArrow and you ty>e in a >ointe< manner.

[ragmaan]

Is that you triplicate girl? I can't tell behind that horned face.

Other than that comment--
Wait, is the matesprit still around? Is this another one?

In one line you say that Ms. Troll here was robbed by him (and never saw him again), but when it comes to your hive, even your matesprit doesn't want to visit you.

Perplexicating.

[Katrika]

Ah...I should have made it clearer. It was a former matesprit that robbed her. I'll go edit that qualification into her profile, thanks!

[quixoticKinetics]

Do we need to use one of those generic "rendered in a more symbolic manner" sprites to submit something here, or will any sort of picture/sprite do?

[Katrika]

Any sort of picture/sprite will do. We even take pictureless profiles with a good physical description attached!

[ragmaan]

My newer concerns are now that you already have a matesprit, thus removing some quadrant action from any further roleplays, although if its for an adventure or fan fic or w/e, that doesn't matter so bad.

Also, did you mean clarification over qualification?

In addition, feel free to go into depth about the hemospectrum. You taunt the person reading your profile, but then you withdraw like "It's not that important anyway".

Any picture will do, but for most sprites, people will favor those made with the template.

[quixoticKinetics]

Righto, let's try this out...

==> Be the lowblood.

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Your name is KEYRIL ENDURR, and you are pretty much AS LOWBLOODED AS ONE CAN GET. You don't even have any cool powers to make up for it. The hemospectrum has really fucked you over! Naturally, you aren't too fond of the caste system, but there's not much you can do about it. Oh well!

You don't mind being powerless that much anyway. Someone has to be the BADASS NORMAL one, right? Of course, you aren't physically that strong either, but you've managed just fine relying on speed, getting around everywhere with your WHEELED-BOOT DEVICES, more commonly known as "rollerblades". Your preferred method of fighting is to just hit things with a sturdy playing stick from a sport you dabbled in when younger, and you've gotten pretty damn good at it by now.

All this makes you a passable fighter, but you're not quite sure you could survive a war with it, and at 8 SWEEPS OLD you are getting close to the time where you'll have to go join in on the empire's wars. Hopefully your DECENT-ENOUGH PROGRAMMING SKILLS will land you a job away from the front lines, but no guarantees.

Of greater concern is the arrival of the Imperial Drones, something you are not at all prepared for, as you are bizarrely QUADRANT-PHOBIC. You are extremely uncomfortable with relationships beyond the platonic, and have thus far avoided filling any of your quadrants. Really, you should be a lot more worried about this, but you're rather LAID-BACK BY NATURE, and are confident that things will somehow work themselves out. Somehow.

For now, you are content to relax in your hive with your GIANT WOOFBEAST LUSUS, which you have a great amount of affection for even if it does tend to leave deep bite-marks in everything and drool everywhere. You like to pass the time talking to friends online, and you've gotten into the habit of playing FLARP with them regularly. It's dangerous, you're well aware of that, but you're also something of an INSATIABLE THRILL-SEEKER and so you just tell yourself that you can handle it.

Overall, you're fairly friendly -- as far as trolls go, at least -- but you do have a very SADISTIC SENSE OF HUMOR. Among your friends, this usually just implies a lot of teasing and playful hitting. But you've been known to get pretty viscous when in the middle of a game of FLARP. It's hard being as lowblooded as you are, so you've got to make up for it somehow to prevent others from walking all over you.

In the setting of a hypothetical game called SGRUB, you're known as the KNIGHT OF HEART from the LAND OF SCREENS AND WIRES. Your trolltag is quixoticKinetics and you type in a manner that is otherwise pretty normal, but. you can never be bothered to use capital letters. and you have a habit of cutting yourself off, so. yeah.

[Katrika]

Ragmaan: Oh, the matesprit thing happened to her in the cafe. It's already an rp oppurtunity. Also, I meant qualification. 'Ex-'matesprit and 'current' matesprit are both qualifiers to the concept of matesprit.

[ragmaan]

Then everything seems to be in order on your account .

@quixotic: Why the insatiable thrill seeker? What started off this habit? What is your strife specibi and fetch modus? What planet would your dreamer wake up on? Why is your character so laid-back? With her being so low-blooded and having no psychic abilities, it should be moderately dangerous.

But on the other hand, tres adorable artwork Doesn't feel like you have a sue here at all. That's pretty good.

[quixoticKinetics]

@quixotic: Why the insatiable thrill seeker? What started off this habit? What is your strife specibi and fetch modus? What planet would your dreamer wake up on? Why is your character so laid-back? With her being so low-blooded and having no psychic abilities, it should be moderately dangerous.

But on the other hand, tres adorable artwork Doesn't feel like you have a sue here at all. That's pretty good.

She's laid-back partially just by nature, but also as a defense mechanism. People give up on harassing you faster if you don't get worked up about much, so it helps dissuade those who are just out looking for someone to pick on. She gets bored easily, though, and isn't content to just hide away doing nothing dangerous ever, so she likes to have fun with moderately dangerous thrills that she's confident she can handle.

Her strife specibi is stickkind, and what she uses is actually closest to a field hockey stick (those things are lethal, man ._.), but I imagine on Alternia the game would be called something else. She uses the Haversack Modus, which essentially just acts as a bag that puts whatever you need right on top. Can't be weaponized, but she doesn't have the patience for moduses that require too much effort.

And she's a Prospit dreamer, though she wouldn't wake up there without something fairly big happening. This one is a pretty heavy sleeper.

And thank you! :> I've just been working on adding more expressions to the sprite while bored, so it'll probably get more sooner or later.

[followingFunction]

and your respiteblock admittedly looks like a unicorn exploded in there.

This is officially the best way to describe an appreciation for colorful things EVER.

[Strider]

@Quixotic: Interesting troll you have there. I don't see a whole lot wrong with it, but then again I'm probably the last person to ask. lol

On the other hand, the laid back bit sounds a bit like one of my trolls in a way, although instead of being laid back he's simply carefree.

[Panzerbear]

Righto, let's try this out...

==> Be the lowblood.

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Your name is KEYRIL ENDURR, and you are pretty much AS LOWBLOODED AS ONE CAN GET. You don't even have any cool powers to make up for it. The hemospectrum has really fucked you over! Naturally, you aren't too fond of the caste system, but there's not much you can do about it. Oh well!

You don't mind being powerless that much anyway. Someone has to be the BADASS NORMAL one, right? Of course, you aren't physically that strong either, but you've managed just fine relying on speed, getting around everywhere with your WHEELED-BOOT DEVICES, more commonly known as "rollerblades". Your preferred method of fighting is to just hit things with a sturdy playing stick from a sport you dabbled in when younger, and you've gotten pretty damn good at it by now.

All this makes you a passable fighter, but you're not quite sure you could survive a war with it, and at 8 SWEEPS OLD you are getting close to the time where you'll have to go join in on the empire's wars. Hopefully your DECENT-ENOUGH PROGRAMMING SKILLS will land you a job away from the front lines, but no guarantees.

Of greater concern is the arrival of the Imperial Drones, something you are not at all prepared for, as you are bizarrely QUADRANT-PHOBIC. You are extremely uncomfortable with relationships beyond the platonic, and have thus far avoided filling any of your quadrants. Really, you should be a lot more worried about this, but you're rather LAID-BACK BY NATURE, and are confident that things will somehow work themselves out. Somehow.

For now, you are content to relax in your hive with your GIANT WOOFBEAST LUSUS, which you have a great amount of affection for even if it does tend to leave deep bite-marks in everything and drool everywhere. You like to pass the time talking to friends online, and you've gotten into the habit of playing FLARP with them regularly. It's dangerous, you're well aware of that, but you're also something of an INSATIABLE THRILL-SEEKER and so you just tell yourself that you can handle it.

Overall, you're fairly friendly -- as far as trolls go, at least -- but you do have a very SADISTIC SENSE OF HUMOR. Among your friends, this usually just implies a lot of teasing and playful hitting. But you've been known to get pretty viscous when in the middle of a game of FLARP. It's hard being as lowblooded as you are, so you've got to make up for it somehow to prevent others from walking all over you.

In the setting of a hypothetical game called SGRUB, you're known as the KNIGHT OF HEART from the LAND OF SCREENS AND WIRES. Your trolltag is quixoticKinetics and you type in a manner that is otherwise pretty normal, but. you can never be bothered to use capital letters. and you have a habit of cutting yourself off, so. yeah.

First and foremost, that's an excellent portrait.

As far as the text goes, you may want to consider playing up the sadistic sense of humor just a tad. Does it tie into the thrill-seeking as a way of reveling in besting others, or is it a separate issue entirely?

[InoxFy]

>Be the self-proclaimed genius.=====>


Your name is TEKKET RETHEM.

You are a troll from what you consider an absolutely unpleasent sillicate-based geologic orbital object, ALTERNIA.

Your age is of 7.14 SOLAR SWEEPS. Your blood has a green hue, and you don't have any PSYCHIC POWERS that you know of. You are fine with that, you find having one will make things TOO EASY, and you like challenges.

You are an INTELLECTUAL individual, you enjoy expanding your knowledge on the topics of THEORETICAL PHYSICS and ASTRONOMY. You are very capable using MATHEMATICS, in fact you apply mathematics to your EVERYDAY LIFE and see every event from a mathematical viewpoint an aspire to ve a MATHEMATICIANTAGONIST in the future. Your love of mathematics is so EXTREME that you often spend entire days awake in order to solve the most PERPLEXING mathematical problems you can find, despite the fact that most of the time nobody gives a fuck about your discoveries. On your free time you enjoy matching your intellect with other individuals in a game of CHESS.

When it comes to RELATIONSHIPS you aren't exactly an expert, most of the time they are unpredictable no matter how many equations you try to formulate in order to EXPLAIN them. However, if you encounter a particularly INTELLIGENT troll, you often find yourself smitten.

Your LUSUS is a rather large FLYING ANT, well, large for an ant, it's still extraordinarily small. It's size is an inconvenience, you sometimes lose track of it, you have to be exceptionally cautious when navigating your HIVE so that you don't step on it. While we are on the subject, your hive is constructed on the side of a CLIFF suspended at least 150 METERS off the ground, you are not sure why you decided to build it there, calculating the exact angles and lengths of the support in order to make sure the weight of your hive was adequately distributed was somewhat hard. Perhaps you did it to present yourself with a CHALLENGE.

For some unspecified reason you take some sort of enjoyment in kicking stuff, it helps you relax. As such your strife specibus is allocated to SHOESKIND.
If for any reason you find yourself playing a certain reality-altering game, you will enter the Land of Heights and Skyscrapers as the Ace of Haste. Your dreamself will reside in Derse, your consorts will be crows, and your associated element will be glass. You will alchemize your shoes with a box of nails to create the Ultimate Trax.

Your trolltag is relativitySpecialist and you use the cor²ect mathematical notation 4 every set of adjacent identical let²ers.

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I have been using this troll for quite a while but eh.. sure, why not. I suppose there is room for improvement

[leonicReaper]

So uh, people here always ask how they can give characters more depth. A while back in the genchat we were discussing subjugglators, and I feel like my words on the matter would be more fitting here. While said murderous clowns are the topic, I have some things to say that will (hopefully!) be useful to anyone trying to flesh out a character.

In my opinion a good subjugglator character's personality is based on their own likes and dislikes and emotions and ambitions and not the "job title" they have.

They should be a character in their own right and not be just a subjugglator - just that makes a character incredibly dull and not very memorable. One might be a hardass who does everything the traditional way, down to being picky about little things like how "kids these days shouldn't be filling buckets so young" or "modern slang is grating on the ears" even if he's the same age as everyone else. One might be a young lady with a fear of being forgotten and so writes her name on everything and leaves her mark on everything and involves herself in everything. One might be somewhat sadomasochistic who likes to see things be broken and breaks everything he touches, regardless of whether it is a living creature or an inanimate object, simply because he thinks the way things are made and put together is interesting.

These characters could exist on their own without being subjugglators, but being so fits snugly into the puzzle of their personalities. The biggest mistake people make is that they just make a ~~killy clown troll cuz ther cool lololol~~ and don't think of how the characters can have.. well.. character to them. Every villain and every criminal and every corrupt person and every hero and freak and idiot has their own personality and story which explains why they have ended up the way they are and gives some sort of example as to what they could be if they didn't go down the path of life they did. That is the part of the character which is crucial no matter what kind of character is intended as an end result. That's what lets people like or dislike them, that's what lets people enjoy them, that's what lets people pity them and wonder if they could just have done something a tad differently or if someone would have stepped in and helped them and their lives maybe could have been something better - or worse.

Dynamic characters are interesting. Sometimes characters realize their mistakes and can get their shit together and become a good person. Sometimes they're good and have something horrible happen which causes them to become cynical and spiteful to the world. The same events should affect different characters differently. Their personalities are what determines the outcome of such events. Their path in life should never be their defining feature, and that is the problem I see with most, if not all, subjugglator characters.

[AmazingEggplant]

First spriting thing or whatever in my life. Feel free to be brutal with your criticism, I want it. I crave it. I need to perfect my fantroll. I'm going for a general avian themed high blood. I would really prefer advice on his appearance, specifically his hair, horn(s), and symbol. [or lack thereof, at the moment] Anyway, without further adieu.

<-Him <-potential symbol

Your name is JASPER ICARAN and you are a little over 8 and a half solar sweeps old. You are fairly high up on the hemospectrum. You are a strong supporter of the caste system, but that won't stop you from talking to your LOWER BLOODED FRIENDS, as long as they the ROYAL HIGHBLOODS as they should. As a highblood yourelf, you live in a CASTLE, specifically, your room is in the TALLEST SPIRE on your castle grounds, which itself is on a rather PRECARIOUS PEAK.

You live in your castle with your GIANT EAGLE LUSUS,who is pretty much the concept of CHIVALRY manifest in a physical form. You yourself are quite chivalrous as well, in fact your FLARP character is a KNIGHT, even more specifically your knight is a member of your home-brewed faction; VANGUARD OF THE SKIES.

Speaking of FLARP, it is one of your favorite hobbies. Your other pastimes include COMPOSING MUSIC with your CELLO and EXPLORING THE WORLD AROUND YOU. Your favorite hobby of all time though, is FEATS OF MIND BLOWING DAREDEVILERY, you just love taking risks. The adrenaline! The rush! You especially love thrill-seeking at insane speeds, preferably at a high-altitude. It gives you the feeling of flying; which is your ONE TRUE GOAL IN LIFE. Soaring over the ground, protecting your friends from any possible means of attack. Once you weaponize the sky, nothing can get past you!

It helps that your BEST FRIEND, a fellow blue-blood named Cercop, is a WHIZ AT INVENTION, you hope one day he will invent some sort of personal flying apparatus for you to use. In the mean time, you offer a helping hand as a WILLING AND RELENTLESS BRAVE TEST SUBJECT for all sorts of mechanical wonders.

You are fairly EXTROVERTED, some would say your confidence borderlines on BRAVADO. You have no problem talking to lower bloods, but in the presence of those BETTER THAN YOU you tend to get quite STOIC and make sure your words are chosen very carefully. You tend to blindly jump to defend others if they are higher than you, REGARDLESS OF THE SCENARIO.

Your trolltag is avianBulwark and you haVe a Vairy weird way of speaking. CAW CAW.

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Name: Jasper Icaran
trolltag: avianBulwark
Blood: deep blue
Lusus: Giant Eagle
Strife Specibus: Cellokind, BucklerBladekind,(later), Shieldkind(later)
Fetch Modus: Nest. Items must be stored in inventory for a set amount of time before eggs hatch and items can be retrieved. Eggs might be cracked open, at the chance of the item breaking or being thrown at high velocities.
Quirk: Types with normal capitalization and punctuation. Always capitalizes the letter "v". Replaces any homophone of air with the letters "air". Replaces any letter with "ca-" with "caw" (ex: becawse). Sometimes saws CAW CAW at the end of sentences. Avoids question marks or otherwise non-aerodynamic punctuation.

[leonicReaper]

AmazingEggplant: Haha, I actually quite like him! I have a bit to say about his sprite though which should help you in the future.

First of all... you saved it as a .jpeg nooooo poor Jasper! As you can see it's kind of fuzzy looking. Saving it as a .png instead will fix that - unfortunately, if you don't have a non .jpeg version you might have to redo the sprite completely.

Second, I think his hair looks interesting, but it needs a bit more volume to it - it looks like it's only on the very top of his head. Extending it downward on the back of his head more will help that. It also isn't very tall, although that really isn't quite that bad of a problem.

Next, his horns are really cool, I think! They could however be a tad bigger, unless their small size was intended.

After that, his scarf seems a tad awkward. It's meant to cover his mouth I see, but it shouldn't be so tight - ouch! I would recommend extending the outline of the scarf a bit to show that it's a piece of clothing and not glued flat onto his face. The extending part is a bit strange too. I see that it looks like it's supposed to be ripped up - I suggest drawing it as if it weren't and then adding in the rips, which usually occur at the bottom of the scarf, and then manifest in holes if they go up farther. This is the best reference I could find... Darn, I thought I could find something better. Oh well.

As for the outlines of the clothes, they usually match the colors of the clothes they surround - black has a grey outline while anything else will have a slightly darker or lighter color for an outline. Here's Vriska as an example:


Lastly the glasses are cool, but they're lifted straight from the template sheet I see - that's okay in moderation, and I think everyone uses the template at least a little bit, but it could be fun to alter them a bit so they're more of your own style. And maybe more of Jasper's - they don't look very aerodynamic! However, square glasses are cool, so the decision is up to you.

I'll end off this critique by saying that Jasper is an interesting character and I'd love to see more of him. He has a cute typing quirk which isn't obnoxious, a fun-sounding personality and I really love the reference to Icarus in his name.

Hope I was helpful!!

EDIT: Some suggestions for a possible symbol for him:
Aquilla, latin for Eagle, a constellation: Although this one has been used pretty often.
The Alchemical symbol for air: