fantroll crit thread #1. THERE IS A NEW THREAD, PLEASE DON'T POST IN HERE ANY MORE.

[fuzzyPsychosis]

==> Be the dancing queen.

Oh ppftbluhpluh man that song thucks-URG-sucks choose a different one.

==> Um…be the…

BE THE SUPER AWETH-pklguh aweSOME EPIC WIN YEAH DANCER TROLL BRO DUDE.

==> Sure. Be that.



Your name is HARMYY KAHMIS,you are 6.9 sweeps old and you, well, are really REALLY freaking energetic. You are currently bouncing off the walls. Woah, listen to that, “bounce bounce bounce!”

Okay so you really aren’t bouncing off the aforementioned walls but you still are kind of fidgety. You move a lot, which yes, includes bouncing. One of your favorite ways to get rid of your boundless energy is to turn up the hard core techno and bust a move. (Which is always why you have your rave shoes on and at the ready.) You also like to bite things. In general. Just kind of, bite them. This is probably why you chew so much bubblegum. It stops you from biting things that should not be bitten. Which is, basically, everything you try to bite.

But enough of that.

Your blood is “boring ass” orange and you’re fine with that. You live in a nifty little hive in a sparse forest located near a few larger troll communities. You picked that space to live because you needed some space to run around. You and your stripe-clad dog lusus, Corolette, often flounce about the forest like complete idiots. Knocking down a few trees is pretty fun too.

And to knock down said trees you use the weapons of GUITARKIND. You don’t even know how to play guitar, but they sure are fun to beat trees with. (And your moirail when you need to “knock” him out of the depths of depression land but that’s something else. And you make sure to do it gently, you promise.)

You have some cool little psychic powers that allow you to hear what a different troll is hearing wherever they are. This helps with super happy fun times creeping. (And for making sure that your moirail isn’t getting himself in any stupid trouble with his ex-kismesis.)

When it comes to being social, you actually are pretty friendly. Now that doesn’t mean you don’t but up a good fight. (Fights are fun whoo!) You try to be cautious when first meeting a troll but you try to get as many dance/fight/do stuff buds as possible.

And you do like to do a lot of stuff. Your life is full of just doing stuff. Stuff like watching mafia movies, playing Musclebeast Crossing, doodling, reading adventure novels, having umbrella fights, trying to figure out whether you’re pale or red for your moirail, and rolling around. Yeah, you’ll do pretty much anything that you deem fun. But of course you like to dance most of all.

Whether it comes to brushing your ever-pointy teeth or trying to get your “stuff buds” to get along (it never works and has incredibly amusing outcomes) you will always do it with ALL OF THE ENERGY.

Your trolltag is fuzzyPsychosis and you when you talk You kind of have to colle-URG-correct yourself whenever you thay-pluhththbluhgah-SAY something wrong. Damn abnormally large tongue. >:ID

TL;DR

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Name: Harmyy Kahmis
Blood: "boring ass" orange
Lusus: Stripe clad dog
Strife specibus: guitarkind
Age: 6.9
Trolltag: fuzzyPsychosis
Quirk: Corrects herself is she pronounces things wrong. Uses "pluhuhbluhthh" type words a lot.

Harmyy and her moirail, Drowne

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[PriffyViole]

@ fuzzy: I don't see anything wrong. The face on her sprite looks kinda off, but not by a lot.

She doesn't seem blatently sue-ish, so it's pretty okay.

[A.I.]

Your name is MAEROS KHAVRE, and you are a young troll of SIX SOLAR SWEEPS. Your blood is the noble, Tyrian purple, but you've never quite felt as royal as you're supposed to.

Throwing that issue to the wind, you recall your varied INTERESTS. You are a regular practitioner of TROLL SCIENCE, an art you've treasured since you were just a little grub. Also among your INTERESTS are BOOKS... lots of them, which used to line your tomeshelves end to end. Finally, you are very closely concerned with PHILOSOPHY, the implications of which you will thoroughly examine at a later, more convenient time.

Your strife specibus is the formidable, yet risky BOMBKIND, and allocated to it is your alchemized arme principale, the BOOMBOX. Your lusus was a lovable and caring LIZARD OF A RATHER GIGANTIC PERSUASION, who skittered about your CLIFFSIDE-HIVE keeping things fairly monster-free... but that was before all this craziness started; your lusus is gone, and you don't expect it survived.

Your trolltag is atrophyInevitable, and*your*speech*is*alight*with*stars*intermingling *with*your words. Additionally,*you*find*that*you*explain*your*thoug hts*in*nothing*less*than*vivid*detail.

Summary

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Name: Maeros Khavre
Age: 6 sweeps
trollTag: atrophyInevitable
Blood: Tyrian purple
Lusus: A monstrous lizard, closely comparable to a giant gecko; assumed dead
Strife Specibus: bombKind
Fetch Modus: Starmap
Quirk: Uses*asterisks*for*spaces*and*speaks*at*length

[fuzzyPsychosis]

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Your name is MAEROS KHAVRE, and you are a young troll of SIX SOLAR SWEEPS. Your blood is the noble, Tyrian purple, but you've never quite felt as royal as you're supposed to.

Throwing that issue to the wind, you recall your varied INTERESTS. You are a regular practitioner of TROLL SCIENCE, an art you've treasured since you were just a little grub. Also among your INTERESTS are BOOKS... lots of them, which used to line your tomeshelves end to end. Finally, you are very closely concerned with PHILOSOPHY, the implications of which you will thoroughly examine at a later, more convenient time.

Your strife specibus is the formidable, yet risky BOMBKIND, and allocated to it is your alchemized arme principale, the BOOMBOX. Your lusus was a lovable and caring LIZARD OF A RATHER GIGANTIC PERSUASION, who skittered about your CLIFFSIDE-HIVE keeping things fairly monster-free... but that was before all this craziness started; your lusus is gone, and you don't expect it survived.

Your trolltag is atrophyInevitable, and*your*speech*is*alight*with*stars*intermingling *with*your words. Additionally,*you*find*that*you*explain*your*thoug hts*in*nothing*less*than*vivid*detail.

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Summary

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Name: Maeros Khavre
Age: 6 sweeps
trollTag: atrophyInevitable
Blood: Tyrian purple
Lusus: A monstrous lizard, closely comparable to a giant gecko; assumed dead
Strife Specibus: bombKind
Fetch Modus: Starmap
Quirk: Uses*asterisks*for*spaces*and*speaks*at*length

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I love his last name. Pretty epic, bro.

Hmm, the two horns in the front would look better if they actually transitioned into the hair.
Also maybe move the mouth to the right a bit more.

Also, is he a seadweller? He doesn't have any fins, but sedweller blood.

[Grace]

Be the high-strung lap dog...



Your name is Itaka Senkou, and you are seven solar sweeps old. You don't particularly like to go out and play with other trolls, which means that your social skills have totally disolved into mush. Instead, you've spent your entire childhood practicing barking orders, shooting with your simple hand gun, and studying war methods and tactics. You absolutely LOVE your hand gun, almost as much as you love your lusus, but unfortunately, it never works when ACTUALLY needed. You believe in protecting all of troll kind, but troll kind to you means only the high bloods. You'd lay down your life to protect anyone of royal blood. This is why you only have a few selected friends, of which are mostly blue bloods like yourself.

Akidad is your loving lusus. The both of you have been fighting for each other, and protecting each other for your entire life. He has been training you to become a great defender of Alternia, and how to take care of yourself, as if anything bad were to happen to him. You never go anywhere without him, which also makes it hard for you to make friends, considering Akidad is not a troll person. But, that's okay. You don't need tons of friends.

Your weapon is a simple hand gun, but, it never works when put on the spot, so, it is used more as a 'club-gun' than an actual gun. You type in almost perfect syntax, except you sometimes replace the word 'how' with 'howl'. Your troll tag is azureFang.

Note: GAH!!! Sorry, I couldn't think of anything creative for his syntax. Anyways, this is my guy. I hope his picture is an actual png this time. Please help me out, because, I'm really stuck, and I don't know if this is good enough or not. On another note, I would never ever usually make militaristic characters like Itaka (jumbled version of akita), so this will be hard for me. Also, what's up with the text color? Why won't it let me just pick and chose?

[Katrika]

Feferi has Tyrian purple blood, and she's the highest troll. You're not supposed to get as high as Feferi. I'd recommend choosing another shade.

[PriffyViole]

Your blood is the noble, Tyrian purple

No.

I don't care that Katrika already said this, just no.

[Grace]

@PiffyViole Maybe this person didn't know about the blood bussiness. Just saying. None the less, tis not a good idea to make a fantroll's blood this high. I'm not jumping to this guy's side, I just wanted to point out what might be the case.

[Katrika]

Well, maybe this person didn't know about the blood bussiness. Just saying. None the less, tis not a good idea to make a fantroll's blood this high.

Yes, Grace, that's why I nicely explained it to them, and explained to them why. There's no need to get defensive on their behalf, because nobody is attacking them.

[Grace]

I-I wasn't. And, I noticed that you did, and thank you. I just wanted to state that before that person got the same comment again, and again, and again. ANYWAYS! before this goes on, I would like to apologize for making it look that way.

[AmazingEggplant]

Also....aren't all purples past a certain point supposed to have the fins anyway? I'm new to this whole "fantroll" thing, so correct me if I'm wrong.

[amnesiaDinosaur]

Yeah. Gamzee is the "highest of the landdwellers".

[Katrika]

No, you're right, Amazing Eggplant. For a few more sprite crits, faces aren't supposed to be looking at the viewer, but turned to the right, and I'd suggest cutting down on the horns. Okay! Now to move on to profile crit...you should probably go into why he likes the things he does, and add a few more interests. Also, how long ago did he lose his lusus? How is his personalty as opposed to pre-accident? These are all good things to think about.

[Grace]

Yes, and another thing to add is that, most, if I am correct (please correct me if I'm wrong), trolls his age wouldn't live very long after the death of a lusi. I think...

[Gunge]

He also needs more hair on top I think.

[AmazingEggplant]

A little off topic, but I hate Jasper's mouth. What do you people think about maybe drawing the lower part of a sallet instead?

Ohh or maybe a coat that when buttoned up fully covers the lower part of his face (so I can avoid drawing a mouth and a sallett )

[Grace]

Pfft, you kidding? Bald trolls are the best! hahaha Just kidding! Yeah, just a little though. I think the cut is cool (it makes look all smart n' stuff :B), but it could be a little more... Volumous? (Is that a word?)

[Radicool]

and awaAAaaAAAAaAaaYYyyYYyyy we GoOOOoOOooOOoo

Your name is LOKIAR THEOSI. You've come into quite a few bad circumstances throughout your SEVEN SWEEPS of life. You've noted that you've begun to fall into a deep pit of psychological despair and lack of a guiding morality, which we would call NHILISM. Such philosophy has lead to a dissheveled apperence, wearing of the SAME DAMN PANTS which you found in a box somewhere wondering around the lawnring you grew up on. Your HORNS got sawed off by some punk who lived in the same lawnring at you. You were outside looking for free wares to bet with in the abandoned hives of the recently deceased, when you were quickly hit with a blunt object. When you came to, they were gone.

Needless to say, he didn't see his next wriggling day.

Your LUSUS is gone, because you bet him while GAMBLING under the influence of SOPOR SLIME when you were about 5 SWEEPS OLD. You harldly remember what it was, but think it was some kind of SMALL, TIMID, WHISKERED CREATURE who was a coward. You're glad to be rid of it anyways, It always slowed you down when you could have been, for instance, GAMBLING MORE or SCAMMING to GAMBLE or SCAMBLING (scamming whilst gambling, for the uninitiated).

Your preferred weapon is a SHAPRENED SPADE SHOVEL. You enjoy it because you can cull anyone who needs it, move things out of the way, and if it's still sharp enough, dig a hole with it. Spade being a quadrant relevant to hate, you seem to get a whole kind of giddy ironic energy from using a spade to spread pain in a spadelike manner. Oh, the ironies!

Your personality is quite smooth and calm, as you have trained yourself to never show any weaknesses, lest you be victimised in the vicious underground you call “home”. You enjoy meeting new trolls, not only to have new currency reserves to pilfer, but also to fall back on as a plan B. SOPOR SLIME which you purposefully neglect to wash off lingers in your hair. You've noted a discrette dab applied to the tounge can signifigantly calm you down and prevent you from making any rash decisions, and supress your race's angry and warlike impulses that you are cursed with. Plus, you seem to think that it improves your chances of winning BIG CURRENCY whenever you try to work your way into fortune the quick and easy route. Regrettably, it has been known to fly off when you make a perticurally sharp movement, which usually finds its way onto any bystanders, typically the largest and most anger-prone one

Your SHOES have a purple trim, as you believe that you stomp all over the highbloods when you rock their faces with killer luck and quick tricks. When in similar hemospect-rial company, you enjoy pointing this out, even lying about how it's real highblood blood during your younger sweeps.

Your trolltag is [COLOR="rgb(151, 155, 0)"]legitimateProfits[/color], and you [COLOR="rgb(151, 155, 0)"]$how what you're intere$ted in rather fa$t[/COLOR]

First try, took me a decent bit of work as I am by no means artistically inclined. Any feedback is greatly appreciated I used MSPaint+template to draw. It's still somewhat hard to look at and not want to facepalm.

[Quincunx]

@Radicool: First off please please do not save your sprites as .JPG! It makes them really hard to edit. I think we should put this in the topic title. DO NOT SAVE SPRITES IN .JPG FORMAT. The grey you used for his face looks a bit tinted unless it's just my screen color. His hair looks... odd, probably because it was done with a rounded brush and doesn't seem natural. Try making it look more pointed at the ends rather than round. The dabs of slime on it don't much either. I'd make them a little more... erratic and streaky like it's clinging to him. The lines of his symbol are kind of thin, and you probably don't need those black lines surrounding the tops of his horns. If you want them to look chopped off, make them much shorter and perhaps only the reddish base color to make it appear as if it happened recently, if it even did. I'm not sure how quickly horns grow back, but in any case, those black lines have to go. You could also make them a slightly darker shade of the yellow color if it suits you.

His personality is actually quite interesting and I don't see much that needs to be changed immediately, but you might want to elaborate on what he does with the money he earns? Does he do anything besides gamble and get high?

[AmazingEggplant]

His horns do look slightly awkward.

[Fishman]

his hair is made of yarn and his horns are macaroni

[Radicool]

@Radicool: First off please please do not save your sprites as .JPG! It makes them really hard to edit. I think we should put this in the topic title. DO NOT SAVE SPRITES IN .JPG FORMAT. The grey you used for his face looks a bit tinted unless it's just my screen color. His hair looks... odd, probably because it was done with a rounded brush and doesn't seem natural. Try making it look more pointed at the ends rather than round. The dabs of slime on it don't much either. I'd make them a little more... erratic and streaky like it's clinging to him. The lines of his symbol are kind of thin, and you probably don't need those black lines surrounding the tops of his horns. If you want them to look chopped off, make them much shorter and perhaps only the reddish base color to make it appear as if it happened recently, if it even did. I'm not sure how quickly horns grow back, but in any case, those black lines have to go. You could also make them a slightly darker shade of the yellow color if it suits you.

His personality is actually quite interesting and I don't see much that needs to be changed immediately, but you might want to elaborate on what he does with the money he earns? Does he do anything besides gamble and get high?

Thanks for the advice, i'm gonna go take the picture down for now while i retool it, but i'm gonna leave the profile up. I'm thinking of using GIMP to edit instead of MSP, because my clumsy hands need a little more assistance, not to mention more second chances then the two undos that MSP gives you.

That image is truly hard to look at. All apologies.

[s1lverb0a]

reposting the infodi profile...


Your name is INFODI UZULUM, today is not your wriggling day. so you are still only 6.9 sweeps...but hey, only a few more bilunar perigees to go!

You look around your hive, which highlights a few of your interests. One of which is a color; BLUE! you try to fill your respite block with as many blue things possible, but most of it seems to be LAPIS LAZULI, mainly because it's the one of the only blues you can find out here in the desert (besides some UNDERWATER SPRINGS, your main source of income. after all, water kind of a big deal out here) and as some have pointed out, because of your place on the hemospectrum, you deny this profusely though, the idea is just silly. Ridiculous!
You also, unsurprisingly, enjoy the art of EXCAVATION, when you are taken away from Alternia, you would love to work gathering RESOURCES underground, such as oil, gems, precious metals.
When you are on the surface, and not digging away, you like to chat with your friends, and play games. You do not FLARP unless invited to a round, sadly, that hasn't happened yet. If you WERE to be invited to a game, you would wield a SHORT SWORD, but would use your SHOVEL in a pinch.

Your Trolltag is azureMiner, and you speak in a manner
<|+ thAt refLectS yoUr Love of LaPiS, And your rAther cheerfuL PerSonALIty

you lusus is a giant winged feathery serpent, he is usually okay when it comes to food, eating HUMPBEASTS (camels), and if the aforementioned creature is unavailable, he will occasionally eat...other..ur, trolls.
You find this rather disconcerting, but he still continues to do it, if not fed well enough.

Your hive, a tall spire, with a runway for your lusus looming over a pool of water, resides in the same vicinity, as a certain blacksmith and good friend.


*not sure how to end the profile...*
Name: Infodi Uzulum
Age: 6.9 sweeps
trollTag: azureMiner
Blood: teal/blue
Lusus: a large feathered, winged serpent
Strife Specibus: shortswordKind
Fetch Modus: Excavation
Quirk: every letter in Lapis is capitalized, and every line is prefixed with <|+ the alchemical symbol for lapis

[A.I.]

Thanks for the input, everyone; it's a great help! On the topic of blood, I was unforgivably unaware that the highest notches of the hemospectrum demanded sea-dweller status.

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Your name is MAEROS KHAVRE, and you are a young troll of SIX SOLAR SWEEPS. Your blood is a respectable blue, but you've never quite felt as noble as you're supposed to.

You've just retired to your RESPITEBLOCK for the night. Briefly glancing around, you recall your varied INTERESTS. You are a regular practitioner of TROLL SCIENCE, an art you've treasured since you were just a little grub. Your work desk is packed with your findings in chemistry, biology, and physics. The remnants of this practice, as you see them now, are a few beakers of steeping chemicals and hand-drawn diagrams of troll anatomy. There's so much knowledge out there, and so much of it unfamiliar... how could you not explore?

Also among your INTERESTS are BOOKS... lots of them, lining your tomeshelves end to end. You've spent countless days toiling away at your texts, reading the works of others and occasionally recording your own. Many trolls your age would be out scouting their locales, establishing relationships, or practicing strife (wise decisions on their behalf), you often hole yourself of in your quarters and read. Most of the skills instrumental in your life were studied this way, actually, and you never regret your choice to learn them in the manner you did. There's so much knowledge out there, and so much of it unfamiliar... how could you not explore?

Finally, you are very closely concerned with PHILOSOPHY. You realized at an early age that the universe was a vast and amazing place. Everywhere you go, you're contemplating life and existence and... everything, really. There isn't a concept you've been introduced to that hasn't stewed in the back of your mind, rattling around with complex questions and abstract answers. There's so much knowledge out there, and so much of it unfamiliar... how could you not explore?

Once in a blue moon, you abandon your work to spend time with what few friends you're still in contact with. None of you seem to share many INTERESTS, so it's all you can do to not kill each other playing FLARP, a fun pastime of yours. To date, your machinist character Vincent Delpois has not failed an adventure. Sometimes you dream of creating gadgets and automatons as he does... oh well, you'll probably find a book on the subject.

Your strife specibus is the formidable, yet risky BOMBKIND, and allocated to it is your assembled arme principale, the BOOMBOX. Your lusus is a lovable and caring LIZARD OF A RATHER GIGANTIC PERSUASION who skitters about your CLIFFSIDE-HIVE keeping things clean and fairly monster-free... Like all trolls and their lusii, you've been with yours as long as you can remember; you'd be nothing less than broken if something were to happen to him.

Your trolltag is atrophyInevitable, and*your*speech*is*alight*with*stars*intermingling *with*your words. Additionally,*you*find*that*you*explain*your*thoug hts*in*nothing*less*than*vivid*detail.

Summary

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Name: Maeros Khavre
Age: 6 sweeps
trollTag: atrophyInevitable
Blood: Blue
Lusus: A monstrous lizard, closely comparable to a giant gecko; assumed dead
Strife Specibus: bombKind
Fetch Modus: Starmap
Quirk: Uses*asterisks*for*spaces*and*speaks*at*length

Changelog/notes:

• Blood color lowered among hemospectrum
• Eyes and mouth offset slightly to viewer's right
• Basic attempts made at transitioning horns into hair
• Interests expanded upon
• Lusus magically un-killed because why did I kill it in the first place?
• All attempts to add volume to the hair were complete failures
• I'm considering taking out the two front-most horns so they match the six extensions on the symbol

[Grace]

Much better! And as for the hair, it'll be okay. I tried with Itaka for a while and it took me FOREVER. Anyways, I really, really like this character. I expect a lot of positive feedback on Maeros.