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Thread: fantroll crit thread #1. THERE IS A NEW THREAD, PLEASE DON'T POST IN HERE ANY MORE.

  1. #1976
    EnigmaticD's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    @Quin: I put that up there to give her some form of unhealthy auto-cannibalism. Now that I think about it, there are several ways of introducing that. I might just do all of them at once. I was thinking of explaining the hungriness thing with something. Parasites, maybe? Overactive metabolism? I'll justify it before I post it into the Trollslum.

    Yeah, I'm aware that the symbol is huge. I've been trying to scale it down without distorting the shape too badly.

    I might change the quirk, or I might not. I just kind of improvised the quirk, but I planned out the rest of the profile.
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  2. #1977
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Actually, a somewhat symbiotic parasite would be pretty interesting. If she didn't already have a lusus, that would be a good one.

  3. #1978
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Okay, it's been a few days and I've made some major improvements to his profile, so I guess I'll try posting this again?



    Your name is SERANS FORTIA and you are somewhere between SEVEN and EIGHT SWEEPS OLD.

    You are an avid GAMBLER, and damn good at it, too, for LADY LUCK is very kind to you. You have made a killing through games of chance, gaining something of a REPUTATION in the process. Indeed, your love for these games is such that your HIVE does not resemble a place of residence as much as a flashy CASINO, and your choice of dress is considerably MORE SOPHISTICATED than that of most of your peers. You like to think of yourself as a SUAVE, AFFABLE GENTLEMAN, but others call you a SMUG PRICK, which, as much as it would never cross your mind to even consider, is not entirely wrong, as you have regrettably let your good fortune go to your head, giving you a rather OVERINFLATED EGO. You prefer the company of highbloods, but this is simply because they have MORE MONEY TO BET; while you do not hesitate to make full use of your power over those of LOWER BLOOD if it is to your advantage, you have NO PARTICULAR AVERSION to them.

    Of course, there is one field in which your usual luck is decidedly absent, and it is quite possibly the most important of all: ROMANCE. Despite your best attempts to fill the quadrants, your relationships tend to simply... FIZZLE OUT. Perhaps it's because you have trouble MAINTAINING INTEREST in any one troll for long. Maybe you just haven't FOUND THE RIGHT PEOPLE. Either way, you keep trying, because frankly, YOUR ASS IS TOAST if the sparks don't start flying for real very soon.

    As for your less LUCRATIVE interests, you have a fondness for PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER FILMS, and have been known to COMPOSE MUSIC in your spare time, though while it's NOT TERRIBLE, you prefer to keep it to yourself.

    You also enjoy the odd session of EXTREME LIVE-ACTION ROLEPLAYING, a pastime introduced to you by one of your FAILED MATESPRITS. During these games you take on the mantle of THE DIRECTOR, an infamous crime lord who once exerted his influence across Alternia through a number of ILLICIT GAMBLING VENUES and various other ILLEGAL PRACTICES. The Director's CUNNING was matched only by his ARROGANCE, which proved his downfall when he aimed a little too high by attempting to ROB THE EMPRESS. He got cocky and paid dearly for it, and while you may play games under his name, you are NOT NEARLY FOOLISH ENOUGH to repeat his mistakes.

    You utilize the HIGH/LOW FETCH MODUS. When an item is accessed, it picks two random 'cards', and you must guess whether the second is of a higher or lower value than the first. If you guess incorrectly, the item is LOCKED OUT for several minutes, which has proven to be a MASSIVE HEADACHE for you on more than one occassion. Your weapon of choice is a deck of RAZOR-EDGED PLAYING CARDS, and as a result your strife specibus is set to CARDKIND. While you are not exceptionally combative by nature, they have served you well in defending yourself against those who DO NOT TAKE LOSS GRACEFULLY.

    Your lusus is a GIANT RABBIT named FELICITY. She’s pretty flighty, often DISAPPEARING for days at a time, which would be a problem except that she somehow always HAPPENS TO BE AROUND when you need her most. As such, her absences have long since stopped bothering you, and your relationship with her is CORDIAL at worst.

    Were you to, by some strange twist of fate, participate in a game such as SGRUB, you would become known as the COUNT OF LIGHT, and find yourself in the LAND OF GOLD AND STEEL.

    Your trolltag is endlessFortuity and your 7yp1ng 27yle 12 modeled af7er your 21gn, a2 well a2 7he lucky number.


  4. #1979
    Heir of Keys Aluminumia's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Hi! I have just made a bloodswap-- and I decided that you guys could help me out.
    Also, on the topic of which someone inquired, "Why do we feel the need to make our bloodswaps so that they turn into the character that had the blood before them?"
    An example for that would be a Spider Equius? In my opinion, I think with bloodswaps, its the canon characters, so with the changing of blood, they would change the personality, likes, and other things to the character, but still keep their own likes, personalities, and other things? I hope you get what I'm saying, haha.

    Anyway, Here are my blood swaps for all of the 12 trolls. Putting them under a spoiler.



    Phew! Well, that's it. I don't really want critque on the sprites, but more on their personalities, and how I could change them. For my first post, I think I did pretty good, whew.

  5. #1980
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    The revised first paragraph, with the lusus pushed down to second:

    Ever since you were hatched, due to an inoperable-yet-benign PARASITE that ended up crawling into your intestines, you have been hungrier than pretty much any other troll. Meals for two turn into an APPETIZER. A whole hoofbeast is your definition of a “filling meal”. You eat thin slices of your HORN, drink your own BLOOD and nibble off the ends of your FINGERS in order to stave off hunger. You, in general, exhibit eating habits which are pretty much NOT HEALTHY. You have frequently eaten more than you can stomach, and have VOMITED just as frequently. That didn’t stop you from eating even more.
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  6. #1981
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Revised profile with more background, explanation for why he went feral, and a tentative sprite based on the various adults we've seen. I would really like some spriting advice.



    Your name is ALBIRE DENEBO, and your life really sucks. This isn't particularly new, and you consider yourself fortunate to have even survived to be SIXTEEN SWEEPS old considering you're LIVING FERAL on Alternia instead of working for the Empire. You live in hiding in a RAVINE far from anything that can be considered civilization, with very little contact with other trolls. The only person you regularly keep in touch with is your MOIRAIL, a low-level soldier in the military, and even so your contact is limited to when he can CONNECT to the ALTERNIAN NETWORK without being discovered.

    Not that he's the only troll you interact with; it's just that you usually have to KILL EVERYONE who sees you in order to avoid being reported. This happens more often than you would like since you forage and hunt in a RATHER LARGE AREA, and it's not all that rare that someone WANDERS THROUGH. You would live in an even more remote region to avoid this, but it food and water supplies become dangerously scarce further away from society. It's almost as if civilizations spring up around natural resources. Still, you're so WORRIED about being discovered that when you aren't KEEPING WATCH FOR INTRUDERS or FORAGING, you stay cooped up in one of a few tiny caves to minimize your chances of discovery.

    As a FERAL, you have to rely on the NATURAL ENVIRONMENT for practically all of your supplies. As such you are PERPETUALLY HUNGRY, your clothes are BARELY ADEQUATE for heat conservation, and you DON'T SLEEP IN SOPOR. What you do have that isn't natural you've taken from the trolls you've killed. You probably wouldn't have survived at all if your moirail hadn't helped you ADAPT to living on your own in the two sweeps before his own recruitment. Despite this, you don't regret fleeing the recruitment ships. A low QUALITY OF LIFE is better than NO LIFE AT ALL, and you are certain you would have been CULLED for your UNFORTUNATE HORNS had you not run away.

    You have very few INTERESTS not related to SURVIVAL. You enjoy PAINTING the EGGS of your LUSUS, a large FLIGHTLESS FEATHERBEAST. You have a limited palette of colors due to INTRUDERS invariably being LOWBLOODS, but you are by no means willing to risk your life to look for cool colors instead of warm ones. You are FUSSY about your horns since if you didn't CUT THEM BACK occasionally they would grow into your head and kill you. This is a painful process, but it is not nearly painful enough to make you wish you had just gone ahead and gotten CULLED DURING RECRUITMENT. You have to keep your lusus shut up in a cavern to stop this SITUATION from being REMEDIED; the STUPID FEATHERBRAIN seems to think you are still EIGHT SWEEPS OLD and will try to flag down a recruitment ship if you let it out of your sight. You also maintain a large collection of handmade EXPLOSIVES, which are mostly BLACK POWDER based and therefore have a LIMITED USEFULNESS. They make for okay traps, though.

    When you have to fight, you use a combination of your makeshift XPLOSIONKIND explosive devices and the SCISSORKIND clippers you use to keep your horns cut back. You are very careful with the former, since you have no intention of getting CAUGHT IN YOUR OWN EXPLOSIONS again. When using the latter you prefer to inflict blunt-force trauma instead of using the blades of your clippers; it's less messy overall.

    Your trolltag is missingGuest and you prOOnOOnce yOOr wOOrds calmly and carefully.
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  7. #1982

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    I sort of doubt anybody would be culled for horns like that. He seems capable of managing them so I imagine he could keep doing so once he entered the fleet. As a greenblood he's of okay social standing and could probably afford the tools to do so.

    If you want him to still be on the planet, you may have to come up with a better reason for him to stay behind.
    CC: ∑ ^ owo it was a hyperbole you fuck

  8. #1983
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Do you have any suggestions? Either for a better reason or for how I can improve that godawful sprite?
    My fantrolls

  9. #1984
    Sage of Spice polarBaroness's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Oh hi! So, I decided I wanted to make a terrible fan troll, and I'd like your advice on how to make it not suck.

    It's currently under construction, and I feel like my weaknesses are staying on track in her info, designing a decent troll, not being boring, and being fairly realistic. Help?



  10. #1985
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    I would like an explanation for her future-seeing thing. Psychic powers are really rare in highbloods. I'm also not sure there would even be psychiatrists or psychologists on Alternia. Sure, you'd get other young trolls trying to figure stuff out on their own, but there wouldn't be any trained adults. It would be the same with doctors.
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  11. #1986
    Sage of Spice polarBaroness's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    I would use the thing that she's deeper down, so closer to Glbby, but I don't know. I was thinking more of just a different type of nightmare, or something. My thoughts are all disjointed, and I might just remove that.

  12. #1987

    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by Firebird766 View Post
    Do you have any suggestions? Either for a better reason or for how I can improve that godawful sprite?
    Maybe some sort of bone or muscle deformity that leaves him frailer and more easily tired? Something that he couldn't deal with easily.

    I'd use a normal troll base sprite. Most people use them for trolls of all ages, even adult.
    CC: ∑ ^ owo it was a hyperbole you fuck

  13. #1988
    S!CIENCE!!! passiveNotation's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    @Firebird
    Why do you want your troll to be an adult on Alternia? He has to kill everyone he ever meets, so it's not like you can RP him with anyone.

  14. #1989
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    I'm actually roleplaying him now in a Sgrub setting. It's fun taking him out of his world and forcing him to interact with people he can't just silence. His isolation has made his reactions really different from those of the rest of the characters.
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  15. #1990
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Quote Originally Posted by Tataudu


    Your name is a mystery to all but those very close to you. You're an enigmatic gentleman of many aliases, and eccentric tastes. Truthfully, you're nothing but a simple internet troll. You've often got nothing better to do with your life than to waste it ruining someone elses online, and derive most of your entertainment from your sick humour.
    You've collected a vast number of interests in your many years of living, some of which you've discarded over time and others of which you've kept. For example, you're a fan of literary works and skill, though you have no time or patience for reading; However you do spend a lot of time honing your sharp wit and words in practical uses. You're also somewhat obsessed with cephalopods, animals like squid, cuttlefish and octopus, you just think they're really cool, and your spirit animal is a giant squid. Your prized possession is your squid shirt, which is emblazoned with a happy pink squid, contrasting heavily against your morbid personality. On the subject of morbid, your final foremost interest is death. You're fascinated by gore, corpses, and murderers.
    In your time, you've gone through some fairly regrettable phases, which have built up into the hate-machine you've become now.

    tl;dr
    Name will either be Toby or Evan. Shameless self insert fanhuman. No established surname as of yet, also age and hometown are a mystery.
    Cool? Lame? Needs work?

  16. #1991
    Firebird766's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    A couple of things about the sprite. Why doesn't he have pupils, first of all? Also, as his hair is now it looks like he's going grey, and I don't think you meant him to be that old. A bit of color would not be a bad thing on the hair front, or at least making it flat white or black if you want to keep the monochrome look.

    Can we get some more information on him? What are his skills, how does he react to things? Especially in real life, since if he's going into a Sburb game he can't hide beneath internet anonymity. Would he know enough to tone down the trolling, or would he continue on until someone retaliates?
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  17. #1992
    beep beep meow Lennie's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Yeah, I didn't get any responses for this guy, He was posted a couple of pages back. It's completely understandable because the huge wall of text and all but it would be much appreciated if someone could read through it and point out any errors, illogical stuff and parts I could remove altogether, I tend to get rambling easily (Duh..) so there's probably a lot of unecessary details and whatnot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lennie View Post
    Last edited by Lennie; 11-21-2011 at 01:48 PM.

  18. #1993
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    How did he survive without a lusus? Alternia is a very dangerous place, and I'd imagine a three-sweep old would be killed by predators in short order. Aside from that and how he was able to patch up his hive after spending three sweeps with no supplies in the wilderness, I don't have see any issues. He sounds like a fun guy to play against.
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  19. #1994
    beep beep meow Lennie's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Ah, Thank you for reading through it~

    Yeah, I dind't really think much when writing those paragraphs, If I remember correctly it was like 2 am when I wrote those and y'know, Lack of sleep doesn't go well with writing coherently.. Anyway, Would 5 sweeps be a more reasonable age?

    I should probably have specified that he didn't just find some random hive and immedeatly started the repairs, It probably took him a couple of sweeps before he got around to doing it... EDITS AHOY!

  20. #1995
    Sage of Spice polarBaroness's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    So, I decided instead of having visions, she's just going to have nightmares when she passes out. Plain old nightmares due to not having the sopor slime,so she's gonna be all twitchy and stuff when she gets back from batshitcrazytown.

    Blackouts aren't that long, though..

    Now to do the sprite. Oh nads.

  21. #1996
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    posted this in another thread, figured I'd come here and get some opinions on him:


    Quote Originally Posted by npcMimic View Post
    I have so much reference material ,ugh, this post will be full of spoilers

    ==> Be the Sleep-deprived Star-gazer


    More art V




    TLDR:

    Things I didn't mention in the intro:
    1) he'll stay up ridiculously late in the night so that he can watch the stars, or surf the troll internet.
    2) When(if) he enters sgrub, he will take swords and shrink them down so he can use them as knives to get around his strife specibus. Alternatively, he would be able to make knives into swords using the same method.
    "What to do, what to do...?"


  22. #1997
    beep beep meow Lennie's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Okay, He does have a solid personality and I really like the whole star-navigating-business and I like his design Although I have to say it's very reminiscent of Terezi's. Atleast in sprite-form. The art is very nice and you gain a couple of extra of thumbs up for that. Overall I think it's very good but I've got a few issues with him;

    Okay, First things first; The blood color, It's way to bright, Unless it's some kind of mutation ofcourse. If your troll is normal, He should have blood similar to Nepeta's. Though this is my own headcanon talking here but you know, There are few trolls running around with Neon blood. I suggest changing the hue somewhat, At least until it isn't literally sopor-slime green.

    You know that trolls are nocturnal right? So him staying up late in the night is really not a big deal cause it's pretty much normal, Therefore he wouldn't be sleep-depraved at all, Unless there was something disturbing his sleep during the day that you haven't written down. If you want to keep the sleep-depraved theme you could perhaps say that he literally wakes up at dawn and goes to bed when morning comes and therefore doesn't get a lot of sleep.. I dunno really.. Ideas aren't my strong side.

    And also, The whole knife/sword shrinking and enlarging business, i don't really think it would work that well. A sword isn't simply an bigger version of a knife. I could imagine handling such a weapon would be very uncomfortable and unpractical, Not to mention difficult. Both of the weapons are designed to be used in their respective way, Just scaling them up would end up with the proportions being completely off. The handle of an enlarged knife would be enormous while a shrinked-down sword's would be minimal, Not to mention that both of the weapons are designed for two different ways of dealing damage.

    Ugh.. I probably should have mentioned that I'm a chronic nitpicker.. Sorry if this may have come out in the wrong tone or something, This was all meant as constructive criticism
    Last edited by Lennie; 11-22-2011 at 08:22 AM.

  23. #1998
    npcMimic's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    No, it's okay, I was told by someone else about the nocturnal thing too. That's an error on my part. I'm not used to thinking oppositely. I think I'll get rid of the sleep-deprived part, since it will be difficult for me to change without it being weird sounding.
    As for the design being similar to Terezi's, I think it's just that the glasses are really just a recolor of hers. I love the shape of them, and I wanted to use them on my troll. He can still see, though, so I think he's far enough from Terezi's design.
    For the knife/sword thing, I was going by Liv Tyler's growing/shrinking ray as inspiration. She grew Zillywho so John could use it and the proportions weren't off enough for john not to be able to use it. I can see your point though, it would seem like they would be off size-wise.

    Thanks for reading it though!
    "What to do, what to do...?"


  24. #1999
    Ashmin Admin ashdenej's Avatar
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    I think the other reason it looks similar to Terezi is because you've also used her mouth as the base state!

    Perhaps you could change the teeth/mouth shape? Or even just adjust the glasses shape subtly.

  25. #2000
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    Re: FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAP/FANALIEN CRITIQUE THREAD: how is grubby formed

    Well, I like the mouth a lot; I like that many-toothed smile that the trolls can have. I'm not sure how I could change it without drastically altering it.

    What if I got rid of some of the 'lip' on the bottom?
    EDIT:

    does that look better in the mouth department?
    Last edited by npcMimic; 11-22-2011 at 04:25 PM.
    "What to do, what to do...?"


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