fantroll crit thread #1. THERE IS A NEW THREAD, PLEASE DON'T POST IN HERE ANY MORE.

[ashdenej]

Her text color is green. No offense, but are you colorblind?

Are you... are you sure you're referring to the troll who likes ducks? Maybe you're thinking of a different troll!

Your name is VODOPA RAHAVI.

[Quincunx]

Bluh. I probably should've phrased that better. The symbols mean things, like how the blue broad is obsessed with rebirth and her symbol looks like an Ouroboros. Also, the symbols are supposed to be charicatures of their Lusus/Lusii/Lususeses/however you pluralize it. What I meant by that was that the shape of the symbol, in other words, the similarity to kid symbols, wasn't symbolic of anything.

If the fact that their symbols resemble the human kids' symbols isn't important, why do it at all? It shouldn't be too hard to come up with abstract symbols, or find ones that represent what you want to. Heck I'll help you with it if you want to take this to PMs.

[BenevolentDemon]

Her text color is green. No offense, but are you colorblind?

Are you... are you sure you're referring to the troll who likes ducks? Maybe you're thinking of a different troll!

Your name is VODOPA RAHAVI.

Your trolltag is [COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]AnatidaeCollector[/COLOR] and your tend to sound [COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"][COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]OMGOMGOMG S0o0o0o0o ENTHISIASTIC and tend to LAUGHhHhHhA IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR W0o0o0oRDS.[/COLOR][/color]You tend to barbarically holler everything you say... [COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]BECAUSE YOU CAaAaAaAaAN![/COLOR]

The text at the beginning is purple. The text at the end is green! You're both right.

[ashdenej]

The text at the end is just showing up as plain forum grey for me!

Which is kind of weird, because I can see the coding when I quote the post. HMMM.

[AnatidaeCollector]

This is what I see on both of my devices, and what I intended it to look like:

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Absolutely bizarre. I don't know what to make of this, lol. Never, in all of my years of foruming, has there been any problem with text color... O_o

[Sandvich King]

You have to put a hex value in the color field for it to work properly for everyone.

Instead of [COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"][B]AnatidaeCollector[/B][/COLOR], you want to type it as [color="#4B0082"][B]AnatidaeCollector[/B][/COLOR]

4B0082 is the hex code for 75, 0, 130.

The result is "AnatidaeCollector," correctly colored in every browser.

[AnatidaeCollector]

@Sandvich: Thanks, dude. Fixed!

[ashdenej]

For the record, mine looked like this:

[scintillatingMoniker]

1. It said that highbloods with powers are rare, not impossible. Plus, she's absolute shit at using them, so I figured it wouldn't matter that much.

The general approach to hemospectrum/powers is that anything above green is really pushing it.

[Teslamagnetic Integration]

If a highblood is going to have a power, then there should be good enough writing with them to compensate.

Making a conflict off of that power could help balance it, as long as the power doesn't make them.

Unless you want to go for some meta-thing where the power does make them and they try to change that and fail a bunch idk ignore me.

But hey, seeing as there's already some conflict (Being a seer who can't really see shit and ends up making things worse off of potentially nothing), I think it can be done. It's really dependent on you and how you go about it.

Just...try not to fall in the same pool as many who tried this road and ended up throwing the conflict out the window and made their character one dimensional off of that power alone. Because that's the definitely biggest reason people don't like highbloods with powers, alongside the rarity thing.

[AnatidaeCollector]

I'm hoping that the whole "she's a shitty seer who ends up in bad places because of it and pretends to have other visions to justify her violent actions" thing to really show that being a highblood with powers can be bad because you have that highblood angst to deal with, which with powers can just be plain old bad, plus her lusus isn't there to guide her at all and help her learn to use her powers. I'd like to think that her lack of skill as a seer is also due to it being more like a weird glitch or poorly-executed hack in the troll genetic system, so yeah she has the ability, but it's more inconvenient than anything else because it's not really natural.

If in any of the RPs, she sounds too Mary Sue-ish, cyberslap me pl0x.

[scintillatingMoniker]

...try not to fall in the same pool as many who tried this road and ended up throwing the conflict out the window and made their character one dimensional off of that power alone. Because that's the definitely biggest reason people don't like highbloods with powers, alongside the rarity thing.

Throwing the conflict out of the window isn't the only way for a power to become a bad thing for good rp. Putting too much focus into the conflict can be worse. It's best to put most of your attention into who your character is rather than what they are, which is why I am always more critical of characters who have mutations or powers or are 'odd', highbloods with powers included.

If you're going to go through with this then you need to remember that it is not normal for highbloods to have powers. I can count the number of highbloods with powers on this forum with half a hand, and troll culture generally doesn't respond well to different, so she'd probably want to hide it or at least be subtle about it.

[Monkeysky]

...try not to fall in the same pool as many who tried this road and ended up throwing the conflict out the window and made their character one dimensional off of that power alone. Because that's the definitely biggest reason people don't like highbloods with powers, alongside the rarity thing.

Throwing the conflict out of the window isn't the only way for a power to become a bad thing for good rp. Putting too much focus into the conflict can be worse. It's best to put most of your attention into who your character is rather than what they are, which is why I am always more critical of characters who have mutations or powers or are 'odd', highbloods with powers included.

If you're going to go through with this then you need to remember that it is not normal for highbloods to have powers. I can count the number of highbloods with powers on this forum with half a hand, and troll culture generally doesn't respond well to different, so she'd probably want to hide it or at least be subtle about it.

Psychic powers, that is. Equius definitely has a "power".

[AnatidaeCollector]

...try not to fall in the same pool as many who tried this road and ended up throwing the conflict out the window and made their character one dimensional off of that power alone. Because that's the definitely biggest reason people don't like highbloods with powers, alongside the rarity thing.

Throwing the conflict out of the window isn't the only way for a power to become a bad thing for good rp. Putting too much focus into the conflict can be worse. It's best to put most of your attention into who your character is rather than what they are, which is why I am always more critical of characters who have mutations or powers or are 'odd', highbloods with powers included.

If you're going to go through with this then you need to remember that it is not normal for highbloods to have powers. I can count the number of highbloods with powers on this forum with half a hand, and troll culture generally doesn't respond well to different, so she'd probably want to hide it or at least be subtle about it.

Thanks. I'll definitely keep this all in mind. Like I said, my character's experiences with powers are more negative, it seems, and she does use them to be manipulative/violent, so hopefully that'll all seem realistic/interesting in the lens of the character being a highblood.

I think I'll have her try to hide it, because yeah, that seems realistic. But then, I'll have her break into a psychic trance at an inconvenient time, and she'll have some explaining to do, and what happens after that is pretty much up to the other trolls around, I guess.

@Monkey: I lol'd.

[Ziel]

Okay... let's do this for the heck of it.

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Your name is ZIELIE OOMIZU and you are 7.5 SWEEPS OLD. You are also a YELLOW BLOOD. Your weapons are the GAUNTLET KIND, and you use the COVER FLOW FETCH MODUS.

You like DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY, PHOTOSHOP, VIDEO GAMES, MUSIC, and INTERNET MEMES. You also have some BASIC PROGRAMMING KNOWLEDGE. You find humans FASCINATING, and have STUDIED THEIR CULTURE IMMENSELY for reasons unknown. As such, you tend to ACT MORE HUMAN than most Trolls. You DON'T LIKE TO FIGHT, which is a problem since you are a TROLL. Or, you don't like to fight SERIOUSLY unless you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. You will fight ALL IN GOOD FUN.

Your personality is INCONSISTENT, which also causes you MANY PROBLEMS. You can be A BIT OF A JACKASS, but you can also be THE BEST FRIEND EVER. You can be LOUD and OBNOXIOUS, or you can be QUIET and CONTROLLED. You can be a WORRY WART sometimes, and it gives you headaches. But you can also be cold and NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK. (See a pattern here?)

You are also sometimes REALLY ANTI-SOCIAL. You will have random FITS of ANTI-SOCIALNESS where you IGNORE EVERYONE but a few people Trolls. It’s been the FALL of MANY FRIENDSHIPS in the past.

You HATE your eyes, so you always cover them with your AWESOME YELLOW SHADES/GLASSES. (For the sake of critique I will tell you that his eyes are red with blue slit pupils.) You claim you CAN’T SEE without your GLASSES, but if this is TRUE or NOT, we may never know. You are OFTEN COLD, so you are normally always wearing your SCARF and HOODIE.

You have some BASIC TELEKINETIC POWERS which allow you to move OBJECTS around with your MIND. You can also use this to FLOAT/FLY AROUND if you so wish. You RARELY use these powers, perhaps because you DON'T WANT TO DESTROY ANYTHING.

Your trollhandle is zhadowLurker, and you Talk zomewhat like thiz... Your only consistent quirk is replacing all your S’s with Z’s.

[Monkeysky]

Okay... let's do this for the heck of it.

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Your name is ZIELIE OOMIZU and you are 7.5 SWEEPS OLD. You are also a YELLOW BLOOD. Your weapons are the GAUNTLET KIND, and you use the COVER FLOW FETCH MODUS.

You like DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY, PHOTOSHOP, VIDEO GAMES, MUSIC, and INTERNET MEMES. You also have some BASIC PROGRAMMING KNOWLEDGE. You find humans FASCINATING, and have STUDIED THEIR CULTURE IMMENSELY for reasons unknown. As such, you tend to ACT MORE HUMAN than most Trolls. You DON'T LIKE TO FIGHT, which is a problem since you are a TROLL. Or, you don't like to fight SERIOUSLY unless you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. You will fight ALL IN GOOD FUN.

Your personality is INCONSISTENT, which also causes you MANY PROBLEMS. You can be A BIT OF A JACKASS, but you can also be THE BEST FRIEND EVER. You can be LOUD and OBNOXIOUS, or you can be QUIET and CONTROLLED. You can be a WORRY WART sometimes, and it gives you headaches. But you can also be cold and NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK. (See a pattern here?)

You are also sometimes REALLY ANTI-SOCIAL. You will have random FITS of ANTI-SOCIALNESS where you IGNORE EVERYONE but a few people Trolls. It’s been the FALL of MANY FRIENDSHIPS in the past.

You HATE your eyes, so you always cover them with your AWESOME YELLOW SHADES/GLASSES. (For the sake of critique I will tell you that his eyes are red with blue slit pupils.) You claim you CAN’T SEE without your GLASSES, but if this is TRUE or NOT, we may never know. You are OFTEN COLD, so you are normally always wearing your SCARF and HOODIE.

You have some BASIC TELEKINETIC POWERS which allow you to move OBJECTS around with your MIND. You can also use this to FLOAT/FLY AROUND if you so wish. You RARELY use these powers, perhaps because you DON'T WANT TO DESTROY ANYTHING.

Your trollhandle is zhadowLurker, and you Talk zomewhat like thiz... Your only consistent quirk is replacing all your S’s with Z’s.

It is a basic convention that trolls have no knowledge about humans until long after SGRUB.

[Ziel]

Okay... let's do this for the heck of it.

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Your name is ZIELIE OOMIZU and you are 7.5 SWEEPS OLD. You are also a YELLOW BLOOD. Your weapons are the GAUNTLET KIND, and you use the COVER FLOW FETCH MODUS.

You like DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY, PHOTOSHOP, VIDEO GAMES, MUSIC, and INTERNET MEMES. You also have some BASIC PROGRAMMING KNOWLEDGE. You find humans FASCINATING, and have STUDIED THEIR CULTURE IMMENSELY for reasons unknown. As such, you tend to ACT MORE HUMAN than most Trolls. You DON'T LIKE TO FIGHT, which is a problem since you are a TROLL. Or, you don't like to fight SERIOUSLY unless you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. You will fight ALL IN GOOD FUN.

Your personality is INCONSISTENT, which also causes you MANY PROBLEMS. You can be A BIT OF A JACKASS, but you can also be THE BEST FRIEND EVER. You can be LOUD and OBNOXIOUS, or you can be QUIET and CONTROLLED. You can be a WORRY WART sometimes, and it gives you headaches. But you can also be cold and NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK. (See a pattern here?)

You are also sometimes REALLY ANTI-SOCIAL. You will have random FITS of ANTI-SOCIALNESS where you IGNORE EVERYONE but a few people Trolls. It’s been the FALL of MANY FRIENDSHIPS in the past.

You HATE your eyes, so you always cover them with your AWESOME YELLOW SHADES/GLASSES. (For the sake of critique I will tell you that his eyes are red with blue slit pupils.) You claim you CAN’T SEE without your GLASSES, but if this is TRUE or NOT, we may never know. You are OFTEN COLD, so you are normally always wearing your SCARF and HOODIE.

You have some BASIC TELEKINETIC POWERS which allow you to move OBJECTS around with your MIND. You can also use this to FLOAT/FLY AROUND if you so wish. You RARELY use these powers, perhaps because you DON'T WANT TO DESTROY ANYTHING.

Your trollhandle is zhadowLurker, and you Talk zomewhat like thiz... Your only consistent quirk is replacing all your S’s with Z’s.

It is a basic convention that trolls have no knowledge about humans until long after SGRUB.

Well, this is because I A) use this guy all the time, and B) have issues coming up/remembering to use troll terms when I do. And where I use him (Pesterchum), there are both humans and trolls. He's not necessarily just from plain old Alternia before SGRUB, either. Could be after. He's not consistent with the cannon timeline I guess is what I'm saying? (I mean, otherwise he'd currently be dead!)

[BewareOfNerd]

1. Blood seems a bit bright.
2. Quirks don't apply to trolltags.
3. Most people don't mention humans in troll profiles or make interactions with them a major part of the character.
4. Does he see his mood swings/antisocial spells as a problem? Have they ever gotten him into trouble? Does he regret pushing his friends away?
5. Why is he cold?
6. Why doe he hate his eyes?
7. What's his lusus?
8. Why does he have a buzzing quirk?

[Ziel]

1. Blood seems a bit bright.
2. Quirks don't apply to trolltags.
3. Trolls don't know what humans are, since we were created after trolls went extinct.
4. Does he see his mood swings/antisocial spells as a problem? Have they ever gotten him into trouble? Does he regret pushing his friends away?
5. Why is he cold?
6. Why doe he hate his eyes?
7. What's his lusus?
8. Why does he have a buzzing quirk?

1. It's actually not as bright as it was on my other screen, I assure you. Using one computer for art and the other to in general talk is a bit of a pain. :/ I suppose I could make it a bit darker, but I didn't want it to be the same as Sollux's.
2. I used the quirk in the trolltag because I didn't want it to be shadowLurker, but in a sense I did. It's a meme reference. I didn't want people to immediately think he was the Shadow Lurker though, hence the use of the "Z".
3. Again. Cannon timelines don't apply to this guy where I use him. Where I use him, humans interact with trolls all the time.
4. Yes. They have, and they are a bit of a problem. But he's learned to just deal with it. He might have regrets, but they don't really affect him. He's just learned to move on.
5. Probably bad blood circulation or something like that. I also imagine he probably lives in one of the colder places on Alternia.
6. Because of how they look. Their colors kind of clash, more so because the iris and pupil are right next to each other.
7. Forgot about that. A 3-headed Hydra of sorts, probably about the size of an elephant.
8. It's probably more reminiscent of his symbol as opposed to 'buzzing'. If it were buzzing, the Z's would be multiple at a time, most likely.

[Flowers]

I tried my best to get what I thought you were trying to get.
Do you like or do I need to try again? I'm more than happy to oblige. :>

[llamamiah]

owO Those look great! I'll add the horns to the blue broad right away!

I still pose the question as to whether there's anything seriously wrong with the profiles. I want these to make sense and be believable Trolls, and the sprite-critique alone is helping with, well, sprites, but not personality or details.

Thank you!

[BewareOfNerd]

Faces still aren't lined up.

[Quincunx]

ooohkay I went over the profiles and they're long so I'm gonna just put them under spoilers.

Orange guy:

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Your name is ZNIEKS OUKKOH.

Your LEFT EYE is MALFORMED, with the bottom part of your eye simply NOT BEING THERE, instead having your eye RECESS INTO ITSELF. Because of this MUTATION, you live in CONSTANT FEAR of being CULLED. Due to this, you spend MOST OF YOUR TIME LOCKED UP in your THREE-TOWERED HIVE.

You spend most of your time INDULGING YOUR INTERESTS, most of which came to be your INTERESTS so that you could HIDE FROM THE TERRORS OF TROLLKIND. That said, you GREATLY ENJOY SHOWS FOR WRIGGLERS, such as MY LITTLE HOOFBEAST; EDUARD, EDDARD, AND EDDIIE, FOSTUR'S HIVE FOR CULLED GHOST FRIENDS; CHOWDR; AVERAGE SHOW; and DEXTIR'S APOTHECARY. You also like to watch ROMANTIC MOVIES, in an attempt to FORGET the horrors of TROLL ROMANCE and the punishment for having NO QUADRANTS FILLED.

[ That sure is a lot of specifics that don’t really serve a purpose. I don’t think you need to name individual shows unless there’s something particularly significant about it, like Karkat being a fan of Thresh Prince because he also wants to be a threscutioner or however it’s spelled. Just say he likes cartoons.
So he doesn’t have his quadrants filled yet. How old is he? Does he think he can’t fill them because of his mutation? I think this can be reworded to talk more about how he just indulges himself in childish things in order to avoid growing up and facing responsibility. Maybe he’s just resigned himself to culling? That works too. ]

You also like to play GAMES SOMETIMES, mainly those of a PLATFORMING VARIETY. Another activity you FREQUENTLY ENGAGE IN is DIGGING AND BUILDING NEW BLOCKS FOR YOUR HIVE. You manage to do this with TOOLS TAKEN FROM THE HIVES OF CULLED TROLLS, which are numerous around you due to the NUMEROUS TROLLS TRYING TO HIDE FROM DRONES in your CLUSTER OF LAWNRINGS. You also TAKE THE MATERIALS THAT MAKE UP THEIR ABANDONED HIVES to ADD ONTO YOUR OWN. You know that you could be found at ANY MOMENT, which adds to your MASSIVE PARANOIA.
[ If this area is so frequented by drones, why haven’t they found him? Has he dug himself a hidden bunker or something? ]

You enjoy DELIVERY FOOD AND BEVERAGE, especially PIZZA and CHEESEBURGERS and CLUCKBEAST WINGS and POTATOES and PORKLOAF and CARBONATION-BASED FRUIT-FLAVORED BEVERAGES. It has been said that you have a BIT OF AN ADDICTION, but you DON'T GIVE A SHIT. You can't get food from the STORE because of your MUTATION, so you get it STRAIGHT TO YOUR HIVE.
[ Is his health affected by his diet? Also, his mutation basically means one of his eyes can’t be used. That’s not really a big deal considering he seems to be getting by fine without it. Is he mistaken in thinking he’ll be culled for this? Because honestly, losing body parts is not a death sentence, even on Alternia, as long as they can still function without them. I’d suggest altering his mutation to make it something that he would actually be culled for, like deformity in both eyes that leaves him unable to fight. ]

Your LUSUS is an INCREDIBLY MINOR EMISSARY TO THE HORRORTERRORS named T'RIT'ENT'OCU'DEFO, a THREE-TENTACLED LANDSQUID WITH THE SAME EYES AS YOU. It is CONSTANTLY DEMANDING PASTRIES, but is QUITE NICE AS LONG AS HE'S FED.
[ Okay, how did he get a horrorterror lusus? I’d seriously suggest changing this to something less special. What’s the point of having such a strange lusus if nothing is really done with it? He’s a lowblood. Being in such close contact with a horrorterror would likely drive him insane very quickly. ]

Your FETCH MODUS is the DELIVERY MODUS, which allows you to retrieve ANY ITEM OR ITS CARD AT ANY TIME. The cards are stored in a LARGE PIZZA DELIVERY BOX with the TETROMINOES LOGO ON IT. Each card has a COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL RECIPE ON IT instead of a USELESS CODE.

[ If you’re going to make a modus without any gimmick to it, why not just use array? What are the recipes for? Also captcha codes aren’t useless. They’re used to duplicate items. ]

Your STRIFE PORTFOLIO currently holds THREE ALLOCATED SPECIBI. To be SPECIFIC, they are FOODKIND, BEVERAGEKIND, and BOXKIND. You mainly use it for EASY STORAGE OF YOUR DELICIOUS DELIVERIES, which also allows you to BEAT DANGEROUS FAUNA WITH CLUCKBEAST WINGS. It's PRETTY AWESOME.

[ I’d keep only boxkind, which has some potential to do damage, but using food to fight seems unlikely, especially if it’s chicken wings. ]

You have also gained VARIOUS PIECES OF TECHNOLOGY from your FAVORITE COMPANY: THE TETROMINOES COMPANY. They are a VAST FOOD AND TECHNOLOGY EMPIRE, and they are the ONLY COMPANY YOU GET DELIVERY FROM. Because of your INCREDIBLE CUSTOMERHOOD, they have given you VARIOUS GIFTS, including your MODUS. They have also given you the PROTOTYPE for the GRISTWIDGET 1024, which is COMPLETELY USELESS because you have NO CLUE WHAT BOONDOLLARS ARE. But you HOLD ONTO IT because IT WAS A GIFT, and THROWING OUT A GIFT would obviously LEAD TO MISFORTUNE. You have ALSO obtained the TTC DELIVERYMASTER 1024 STORAGE SOLUTION, a BOX that can turn into VARIOUS KINDS OF FOOD-STORAGE BOXES, with each one being able to HOLD DIFFERENT ITEMS. It's PRETTY BADASS. They also gave you a PROTOTYPE TETRABOARD COMPUTER BASE, which is basically a BIG GRID with a BUNCH OF SLOTS ON IT. To FILL THOSE SLOTS, you were given THREE SETS OF FIVE TETROMINAPPS, special BLOCKS that can be used on the board to activate APPLICATIONS.

[ This should be put earlier in his profile and I’m… honestly not sure what purpose it serves. He has this item that seems like a big fancy storage thing. What does he do with it? ]

On TROLLIAN, you go by the trollTag malformedTertiary, And you talk w'th a we'rd accent that 's a s'de effect of your mutant 's. 't really k'nda sucks.

If you were to ever play a game of SGRUB, you would become the KNIGHT OF TACTICS in the LAND OF TRINARY AND WAR. Your CONSORTS would be TEAL GECKOS THAT ARE CONSTANTLY GETTING INTO FIGHTS. Your DENIZEN would be ATHENA.

[ Game titles are generally one syllable. Also I don't really see why his quirk would be affected that way.]

Blue girl:

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Your name is MAHVEE RILIND.

You believe in a STRANGE THEORY that every UNIVERSE has AN INFINITE NUMBER of DUPLICATES. Some are MILDLY DIFFERENT, some DRASTICALLY SO, while others ARE EXACTLY THE SAME. You believe that when a UNIVERSE DIES, a duplicate TAKES ITS PLACE, starting EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN.
[ How did she come about this theory? What tipped her off that this might be happening? ]

This has led to many Trolls thinking that you are INSANE, but YOU DON'T REALLY CARE. They'll HATE ON YOU again, as they HAVE BEFORE. Endlessly, it always occurs, again and again and again.
[ So she has no allies? No friends? That doesn’t exactly bode well for her filling her quadrants. ]

Ahem. Anyways. You like A CERTAIN SPECIFICALLY GENERAL CATEGORY OF ITEMS. You like those that are COMPLETELY ANCIENT, as well as those that are COMPLETELY FUTURISTIC. The media can be ANYTHING. Movie, TV show, video game, music, book, play, pantomime, dance, ANYTHING! The genre doesn't matter either, if it's REALLY OLD or REALLY FUTURISTIC then you're ON IT like a PROGRAM on a COMPUTER.
[ So does she go out hunting for artifacts? Does she invent things or buy them off the internet with the blueblood wealth she probably has? How much of a collection does she have? ]

You are also an INCREDIBLY GOOD CODER, being able to HACK INTO ANYTHING, create just about ANY FILE, just about ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
[ Ehh to say your character can HACK ANYTHING is a bit much… Just say she’s a good coder and hacker. What does she code usually? Games, calculation programs, shipping chart randomizers, what? ]

Your LUSUS is a GIANT SNAKE that is currently coiled around your TOWERING HIVE. Your RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM is RELATIVELY DECENT, seeing as he eats ALL FLYING THINGS that come within 300 FEET OF YOUR HIVE, which means that you DON'T HAVE TO FEED HIM.
[Snake lusii are sort of overdone. How about a long-tailed lizard, even? Or a Caecilian? Is her lusus an attentive parent or does he leave her alone?]

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is allocated to 2XPISTOLKIND, which you use with INCREDIBLE EXPERTISE because you have been watch HOW TO GO GUNS AKIMBO VIDEOS that you find in OLD RUINS for SWEEPS.

Your FETCH MODUS is WHEEL. Your CARDS are positioned in an EVER-TURNING CIRCLE, and you have to time it JUST RIGHT to OBTAIN or RETRIEVE ANY ITEM.

On TROLLIAN, your trollTag is hyacinthineOuroboros, And you speak in a manner with a distinct start and enD, That somehow never ends despite what anyone doeS,

If you were to ever play a game of SGRUB, you would become the SHAMAN OF TIME in the LAND OF ERAS AND CLOUDS. Your CONSORTS would be TAN WOMBATS who SAY "NEH NEH NEH".

Green guy:

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Your name is KOCHEN ERKUND.

You are a PROUD EXPLORER, adventuring EVERYWHERE YOU CAN REACH on the TROPICAL ISLAND YOU CALL HOME. The GIGANTIC SKULL-SHAPED ROCK that you live in is QUITE SPACIOUS, and the UNDERGROUND TUNNELS that are DUG BY THE ANIMALS are GREAT FOR EXPLORING!
[No real objections here. Does he just explore for fun or does he expect to find things? Do the animals that dig the tunnels give him trouble?]

You enjoy watching ANY AND ALL MOVIES, especially those involving HORRIBLE MONSTERS such as RAINBOW DRINKERS, FERAL SWAMPDWELLERES, MOONLIT LUPINOIDS, and the dreaded SCIENTIFIC CORPSMALGAMATION! They get you so EXCITED that you actually COLLECT FIGURINES OF THE MONSTERS, and have several BLOCKS OF YOUR HIVE devoted to DISPLAYING THEIR POSTERS.

[As a greenblood, where does he get the money for these things? Are there any other trolls on the island? Does he want to make a career out of this?]

You enjoy LISTENING TO, and MAKING YOUR OWN ALTERNIAN SLAM POETRY. You like to read COMIC BOOKS, and are a BIG FAN of the Alternian Television Show known as EXPLORATION TIME. You frequently watch VIDEOS on YOUVISION, but lack the materials to MAKE YOUR OWN. You also have a SLIGHT OBSESSION with BONES and WEAPONS. But that's not weird at all!
[ No, it wouldn’t be weird for a troll to like bones and weapons, so why even mention it? Just say he also likes bones and weapons, but maybe specify what kinds of weapons. Does he just collect them or does he practice with them? Does he also collect bones, and if so, what does he do with them and where does he get them?]

Your LUSUS is a GIGANTIC SKELETAL CYCLOPS that you refer to as SKILLCLOPS. He's a COMPLETE IDIOT that is ALWAYS FLIPPING OUT, unless you KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS. He has a WEIRD OBSESSION with the COLOR BLUE, and collects CAVALREAPER-RELATED ITEMS.

[Why does his lusus flip out? Where does his lusus get these collectables? Admittedly the idea of a lusus being a fanboy is an interesting one.]

Your FETCH MODUS is the RPG PUZZLE MODUS, made in the MODUS CONTROL DECK. It functions the same as the PUZZLE MODUS, but whenever you CAPTCHALOGUE something, it is TURNED INTO A MONSTER, which you must DEFEAT to be able to USE. All MONSTERS are GRADED on FOUR STATS, ATTACK, DEFENSE, SPEED, and LIFE. Whenever you KILL A MONSTER, it drops these WEIRD THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE GUSHERS.
[You mean grist? If it is some sort of grist, is there anything he can do with it? Does he just collect it and hope someday he’ll have a place to spend it? If it is sgrub grist, I’d… advise against that since game elements aren’t supposed to come into play in the real world. ]

You have an ENTIRE STRIFE PORTFOLIO with SIXTEEN SPECIBI IN IT. However, only ELEVEN OF THEM have been ALLOCATED. You possess KNIFEKIND, which holds a COLLECTION OF COOKING and HUNTING KNIVES; PISTOLKIND, which holds various, well, PISTOLS; AXEKIND, which holds a TOMAHAWK and an OLD WOODCUTTING AXE; 1X3SHOTGUNKIND, which holds your AWESOME TRIPLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, 1X(2X2)DENTKIND, which holds a BOX-PRONGED CLIMBING FORK; 1/2BOWKIND, which features a BROKEN LONGBOW that you CLUB THINGS WITH; KHOPESHKIND, which holds an IRON SICKLE-SWORD; THRWNSTRKIND; which holds your EXTENSIVE COLLECTION OF SHURIKEN; 2X2BLADEKIND, which features a DOUBLE-ENDED MACHETE; SAWKIND, which features your favorite CARPENTER'S SAW and BUZZSAW BLADES; and LANCEKIND, which allows you to use a GREEN DAGGERLANCE.
[Holy crap that is a lot of specibi. No one troll needs that many specibi. He can own the weapons, but I don’t think he needs to know how to practically wield more than one or two types. Don’t list them all out like this. It’s tiresome to read. Just mention them in brief because I doubt it’s important to know every single items he owns.]

On TROLLIAN, you go by bonesExplorer, (0...0) and you always display your fine skull collectioN. you also speak with capitalization that some might consider to be backwardS. but you dont carE.
[He could probably use a more creative trolltag than that.]

If you were to ever play a GAME that DESTROYS THE WORLD but makes a new UNIVERSE, then you would become the SCOUT OF SPACE in the LAND OF EROSION AND FROGS.

[Monkeysky]

Alright, here goes attempt, what, four?

Tell me if I missed/should change anything.

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Your name is SARCOF DIPTER, and you are BASICALLY GARBAGE.

You are a bit more than SIX SOLAR SWEEPS OLD, and ever since you were a young child, you have been simultaneously CRIPPLED AND TOUGHENED UP by your harsh lusus and dangerous home. As soon as you were able to read, you were given the SACRED GOLDEN PLATES OF ABREPHUS by your guardian, a massive, bloated, fly-like beast named QUADROCH. These plates tell the (heavily embellished, most likely) story of ABREPHUS, your ancestor and the creator of your ancestral home.

According to the plates, when it was revealed that he lacked a sense of smell, ABREPHUS had to flee to avoid being culled. He eventually found himself at a natural gas vent, which had a stench completely overpowering to anyone who would pursue him. He invited other fugitives and mutants to join him, as he had created a self-sufficient society around the vent, including a natural gas power-plant, but it became evident that those who entered the area for too long became deformed and insane within days. For the rest of his generally isolated life, he used his large source of energy to amass a large fortune, which he converted into gold and hid on the property before his death.

Unfortunately, since then, the area had become a dumping place for the most hazardous and damaging waste, which has only made the deformed mutants and their descendants even more wild and dangerous, and completely buried the treasure, hiding it away. Despite this, Quadroch insisted not only that you return to the dump (most likely to avoid culling, as you also had no sense of smell), but that you perform incredibly unhealthy exercises in the hope of making you stronger, such as only walking barefoot, finding your food from the toxic refuse, and fighting the mutants. There have been... mixed results to this. One one hand, you have ALMOST NO PHYSICAL STRENGTH. You need crutches just to walk, and it is HUMOROUSLY EASY TO INCAPACITATE YOU. Your growth is severely stunted, and you are barely half the height or weight of any other troll you know of at your age. On the other hand, you can take NEAR ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF DAMAGE without dying. Even compared to other trolls, your capacity for bleeding is astonishing. You have theorized that you could survive a few days with your heart outside of your body. You also have gained an IMMUNITY TO NEARLY ALL TOXINS from your incredibly unhealthy diet.

Even with these advantages, you are forced to spend most of your time in your BURROW HIVE, which you had to tunnel yourself under a pile of garbage, as you were convinced to abandon your original hive by your lusus. You spend most of your time underground CREATING ELECTRONICS OUT OF GARBAGE, as that is your only source of communication equipment, or repairing your electronics, as they are made of garbage. You have actually become quite a skilled electrical engineer, and your FEW FRIENDS sometimes ask for your help with such issues. When you have any free time, you like to contact your BEST FRIEND, a highly intelligent lowblood. You sometimes feel like she is the only one who takes you seriously, and you know that her moirail doesn't approve of your contact in the slightest. You are occasionally plagued by TERRIBLE HEADACHES, and when they become unbearable, you are forced to concoct MEDICINAL ALCHEMICAL TEAS, along with the help of your yellow-blooded friend.

Acquaintances have been known to identify you as an UNPLEASANT PUSH-OVER. While you are not the most friendly person to be around, your need for contact with intelligent life makes you willing to do almost anything asked of you. You are well aware that your hue should put you in a higher class, but the other highbloods tend to avoid you, as your mutation is both rare and unpleasant, and they wouldn't want to get involved with it. Your friends are generally lowbloods, because they can relate both to your mutation, and to your ostracism. Due to your only up close view of life being your lusus and the deformed trolls, you have a high affinity towards small, furry, animals, such as cats.

If you were to join a session of SGRUB, you would be the KNIGHT OF HEART, and you would reside in the LAND OF TREMORS AND FRUIT, which you would share with a race of FRIENDLY BLUE HERONS. You use the HISTORY FETCH MODUS, where you must recall a story about the item to retrieve it. You use CUTTLERYKIND, as you are unable to lift most weapons, and food is hard enough to find as it is, without the added pressure of finding silverware.

Your trolltag is understandTardigrade and You' have. a" sort: of, buzzy; way. of, speaking.


TLDR:

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Name: Sarcof Dipter
Sign: Musca
Lusus: Giant fly beast
FetchModus: historyModus
StrifeSpecibus: cuttleryKind
Title: Knight of Heart
Blood: Indigo
Land: Land of Tremors and Fruit

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seizure mode:

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http://i.imgur.com/dlJl0.gif

[Quincunx]

I'd suggest breaking that into separated paragraphs so it's easier to read.