fantroll crit thread #1. THERE IS A NEW THREAD, PLEASE DON'T POST IN HERE ANY MORE.

[scintillatingMoniker]

You also apparently have an ancestor who was the proud leader of the Cavalreapers and led them on numerous victorious battles. Of course, he started out as a simple foot soldier, but according to his journal which you found in a cave with your symbol on it while hunting he had found a stone that allowed him the use of magic by knowing the true name of something, which would in turn allow him to control whatever that thing was completely. He found a tablet with the true names of many things on it when he found the stone, but he destroyed it after committing them all to memory and only wrote a very small fraction of them down at the end of his journal. You've been training yourself to use the stone since, but after an entire sweep you can only manage around 4-5 namings. any more than that and you quickly become exhausted to the point of passing out.

um

I have a new concern

because this power, even in a magical universe, doesn't make sense

See, names are inventions, and they have nothing to do with the thing they are actually naming except to us as humans. Names are not a property of an object, it's an unrelated sound or collection of symbols that we, as sentient beings with languages, understand as a reference to a thing.

So how can something have a 'true name'? What does that mean? Who decides this 'true name'? Is it God? Wait no, universes are invented with Sburb, there is no god. So where do these true names actually come from? If they're horrorterrors or some ancient mystical thingy, why are all of them pronouncable with a humanoid mouth? Also, how does he learn the true names of anything if the names we give them and their 'true names' are different things? That would require whoever invented the true names to have passed on this information, which requires there to be anyone who could have invented them. If nobody invented them and they are just coded into the laws of physics somehow... how could anyone ever learn them?

I'm sorry, but the underlying concept behind this troll doesn't make any sense, doesn't fit into what we know of the trollverse, and despite your attempts to justify it and balance it, is overpowered. I know that it really sucks to have a cool idea that doesn't work out, but I seriously reccomend you scrap him and try something else.

[Monkeysky]

Alright, Sterre Kepler it is.

I won't use Tavsco, because it sounds too much like Tavros.

Would the ability to absorb cosmic energy through looking with his left eye in a telescope, and then shooting it out as a laser through his blind eye later be overpowered?

[Firebird766]

Probably, yeah.

He could, on the other hand, have the ability to turn on a long-distance vision in his left eye.

[Monkeysky]

Probably, yeah.

He could, on the other hand, have the ability to turn on a long-distance vision in his left eye.

Well, considering that he actually uses a telescope, that would be sort of irrelevant.

Keep in mind, however, that he needs a lens to focus the light at all, and different sized lenses for different distances fired. It's basically a much more complicated to use version of Sollux's power, minus the flight and telekinesis.

Because of that, he uses lensKind.

[Archaeopteryx]

Just thought you guys ought to know, the spritesheet in the OP is a broken image.

[Strider]

I am probably going to still get complaints that this is still way to broken, but here is what I have come up with thus far.

Edit: Could be smaller, but I think this will do for now. Reposting the modified app so you guys don't have to go searching for it on the last page.

>Enter Name

ripoff mcdumbass

Um...y9u may w1sh t9 rephrase that, and 1 th1nk y9u may a1s9 kn9w as t9 why.

>.....*sweat* Uh, right then. Be Krimzo Dracon

Can do. You are now Krimzo Dracon. Of course, that is not your TRUE name. But enough about names for the moment, we'll come back to that later. First off, You suppose you should describe yourself in detail, since your author is sadly quite the opposite of an artist. You stand at a respectable five and a half feet at the age of eight sweeps. Like all trolls you wear black. As a matter of fact, the only article of clothing you wear that is not all black is your shirt, and that is only because it has your symbol on it, The number 169. Your horns and the rest of you are normal enough, nothing very outstanding about them.

By and large you have actually spent most of your time in your hive. Your contact with others has been limited at best, and only when you needed something. Other than that, you only ever have your Lusus and any animals you come across for company.

Your Lusus is a Wyvern, and a rather small one at that. It's actually small enough to perch on your shoulder or sleep on your head and has only speed and agility for defense. You have various interest, one of the being Naming. That said, you try to remember the names of everything and everyone you encounter. Your other interests include hunting, literature, and traveling, which sometimes is done while hunting. However, though you may hunt for your own food, you are far from being an expert chef. As such, your dishes are rather limited when compared to someone like that, but you are an able enough cook to do a number of simple dishes.

As said before, you have an interest in literature. However, you also enjoy relaxing at any point in your hive and just enjoying the scenery that can be seen through the window of your hivestem. You also have a few single player games that you use to keep yourself busy from time to time. When all else fails, you usually veg out in front of your desktop computer (which is several years old and secondhand) for a given amount of time, or just lurk on various sights to see what people are talking about.

You also apparently have an ancestor who was the proud leader of the Cavalreapers and led them on numerous victorious battles. Of course, he started out as a simple foot soldier, but according to his journal which you found in a cave with your symbol on it while hunting he had found some sort of stone and tablet that allowed him to learn how to control things as long as he knew what words to use to perfectly describe it. You don't really believe it, and given that you have a mutation that allows you to control some objects and, to a limited extent, elements, you think it may have been more something like that. You often wonder what kind of mutation it is that you have, since it clearly goes beyond simple telekinesis.

Your view on the Hemospectrum is one of resigned acceptance. You do not like the lot that you were dealt in life, but you have found that it is much easier to deal with others if you show them the proper respect, which is more difficult for you than most others considering that as far as the Hemospectrum is concerned you are the lowest of the low. Your trolltag is symbolicNamer and y9ur manner 9f speech 1s 11kened unt9 that 9f y9ur ancest9r, 9ut 9f respect f9r h1m and the un1t that he served f9r a t1me. Oh, and you also have a bladekind Strife Specibus that you never use, since you tend to use your bowkind for hunting and have never been able to acquire a sword. That and you try not to fight if you can avoid it.

I wanted to just have him be a normal troll with a fancy stone, but apparently that is something that won't work. =_=

[Quincunx]

You're right. It won't work because it just won't work. What you're describing sounds like exactly the same thing as before, with true names/descriptive words, whatever you want to call it.

You need to be more specific about exactly what he can control. If he can have limited control over an element, then give him pyrokinesis, cryokinesis, hydrokinesis, animation of the inanimate... just pick one and have it be a psychic power. He'd have the same ability without the disbelief that he has to use words to control things. It's just not a concept that fits with Homestuck.

And you still haven't taken the advice about a number not being a symbol. Why come to a critique thread at all if you're unwilling to make changes to things that need to be changed?

[Strider]

Uh, I said that his Ancestor THOUGHT that he was able to control things with words upon gaining certain items when really it is actually a mutation that allowed him to do stuff without words.

The symbol is not changing. Stop harping about it. I'll worry about making it as stylish as possible when I am actually able to somehow manage getting him sprited.

Also, I took the suggestion about the whole inanimate objects thing, which means that he would not be able to do anything with trees since they are not quite so inanimate. Didn't I put the thing about inanimate objects in there?

[Quincunx]

Why not just call it a psychic power then? And I didn't say anything about trees, unless you are addressing someone else.

It's very important that symbols make sense which is why I was so insistent about it, and his profile still simply stated that it was "the number 169."

[Thunder Reign]

A'aight, since this thread has hit 99~ pages, I made a new one. Post there instead ok xx

[zblueboltz]

[snip] Sorry, I posted without looking at the last post.

[OrangeAipom]

I won't use Tavsco, because it sounds too much like Tavros.

Sounds more like Tabasco to me.

[Sardonis]

Whoops

[ambiguousAnarchist]

==> Be the UnTrendy Ignoramus

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Your name is BRINQE BYGUNN, and you are just one BIG BALL of AMBIGUITY. You are a troll with light cobalt blue blood, and you are pretty old compared to your peers, at 8 sweeps old. Your hivestem is a bit of a disaster, because every time you started working on it, you got distracted by INTERNET MEMES, and forgot about it for a while. When you started working on it again, you started a whole new section, so a lot of it is dilapidated and unfinished. Your lusus got the brunt of the blame for that, because it is a scapegoat. A GOAT in a TRENCHCOAT that you blame for EVERYTHING that goes wrong.

The first room in your hivestem is where you live. The first thing you did was break it with a big hole. You are an art-troll, so you said it was "BY MISTAKE ON PURPOSE" and put your topor slime in it. See? You are a TREND SETTER. You shave the sides of your head, and bleach/dye your hair to match your blood. Look at all the trends you are setting with your BLUE HOHAWK of trendyness. Because you set trends, you are always dubious of other people's trends. They are just not good enough for you. Unless they are. There you go being wishy washy again!

You talk about your trends on your TROLLBLOG and TROLLTUBE, which is where you spend a lot of your time, putting up PODCASTS and BLOG POSTS about all the things you KNOW FOR SURE when you don't really know anything, and also all your favorite MEMES which are outdated and stupid. Your favorite meme is MOST INTERESTING TROLL, because he is the spoketroll for RED FAYGO, your favorite, and you spend a lot of time filling in MEME GENERATORS with his face on them. You also like the ANTI-JOKE CLUCK BEAST because you think the jokes are actually funny, and don't get the joke that they are anti-jokes.

The truth is you are WISHY WASHY and FORGETFUL, and don't really do research. You just make it up until it sounds KICKASS and TRUE. You are CRANKY and ANNOYED because you are addicted to RED FAYGO. You only drink the PURPLE one because you keep misplacing the yummy red one, and you are always going through withdrawals. You are pretty sure it fell behind your desk, but don't really want to bother moving it to find out. You prefer blaming your lusus for losing it when it was really your fault. Because you are an Art-Troll, you have a lot of APPLE PRODUCTS, and you take your iPad with you everywhere you go. Unless you forget where you put it.

Your horns are big, klunky and pointing in different directions, like your FACTS which are obviously BAD, MADE UP and not always CONSISTENT. You change your story to suit, so you always come out on TOP. Or at least, you think you do, because you are more blue blooded than most trolls, and therefore are more RIGHT. You only listen to FAST SCREAM METAL because it makes you feel smarter when other trolls say they can't understand the lyrics and you so smoothly say "You're an idiot, I can understand them just fine" when that's not really true and it just gives you a HEADACHE.

No one knows your real gender, but everyone treats you like you're a dude. And you like to keep it that way, because deep down, you're just really INSECURE and HATE YOURSELF.Your symbol is a squiggly and ambiguous GENDER SIGN to represent your UNKNOWN GENDER and to keep things REALLY MYSTERIOUS. You always carry a STRAIGHT RAZOR, because you like to cut yourself. You say this is because you are an ART TROLL and use your own blood because no other blue is quite as good when coloring in your homemade TROLL TAROT deck, which is mostly comprised of bad old memes for the pictures. When you really has no idea what you're talking about, you use them to FIGURE OUT WHAT you REALLY THINK, in a pinch.

Your troll handle is ambiguousAnarchist and you write with a lot of EmpHasiS AT ThE BegiNNinG AnD EnD oF WordS, MucH LikE WheN YoU BloG. StronG BegiNNinG, StronG EnD, BuT YoU ArE ObviOuslY NoT AS StronG IN ThE MiddlE. StilL PeoplE KnoW YoU KnoW YouR StufF and in a really long words you get IncrEDiblY AsseRtivE in the middle, too. Just so they know you mean business.

You were once the Abeter of Chaos, long ago in a galaxy far far away. Or maybe you are just kidding yourself that you were awesome at some point. It's depressing to think about it. Lets move on!

Summary:

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Name: Brinqe Bygunn
Blood color: Blueish Aquaish
Gender: Unknown
Age: 8 Sweeps
Lusus: Scape Goat (goat in a trench coat)
Symbol: Curvey Androgynous Symbol
Weaponkind: Razorkind
Strife Specibi: TarotDeck
Fetch Modus: Chaos Chance (random draw\luck)
Trolltag: ambiguousAnarchist
Typing quirk: Capitalizes beginning and end of words, and with particularly long words also the middle, often adds D:< ;P and xD to the end of posts
Quirk Sample: ThiS IS AN ExtrEmelY GooD SamplE OF VariouS WordS D:<
Moon: ??
Title: Abeter of Chaos
Land: ??

[BewareOfNerd]

Thread's closed. Go here.

[Zuki]

Ayup. Good and closed.