Sburbia [TEXT ADVENTURE]

[Lazro]

>Ok, we're really in a bind now...

>Find smelling salts or something...

[LordHyper]

>Find smelling salts or something...

You can't find any smelling salts, but there is a bottle of POISON. You don't want to know why she has it.

...

...

You throw the bottle of POISON near Conrada so that the foul scent would wake her. Surprisingly enough, it did. She's still pretty pissed at you, but at least she's awake.

==>

[Lazro]

>Pick up a pencil, but very, very carefully.

[LordHyper]

>Pick up a pencil, but very, very carefully.

You attempt to imitate Celia's weird method of writing by carefully lifting up a pencil and scrawling it across the wall:

Are you okay?

Conrada got whatever remaining turkey meat juices there were and proceeded to write out a response:

Up yours.

...Well, at least she's okay. That's when you hear two loud thuds behind you. You turn and see two giant machines. Oh god. It took you an hour to try and work a computer! How long will it take to operate this shit? Celia writes out a message to you...

Put same machines in herrr rrroom.

==>

[Lazro]

>See what pressing some pictures does-other than what is, you know, an actual picture.

[LordHyper]

>See what pressing some pictures does-other than what is, you know, an actual picture.

Okay, you click on this picture and... HOLY CRAP A MENU. Wow! This is revolutionary! You click on a picture that looks like one of the machines Celia dropped you, and you end up putting the very same machine in Celia's room. Do computers really do this? Oh my god this is awesome. It's like the time you got a spellbook for your birthday and said spellbook ended up exploding. Well, blowing off your own hands wasn't awesome, but the explosion was.

You sure are learning a lot today: you learned that math is evil, computers can spawn things into existence, and that poison works as smelling salts. This is the best day you've ever had You're pretty sure that it won't be hindered by meteors or anything of the sort.

==>

[Lazro]

>Take a break. Go outside, look up, comment on how that cloud looks like a dog, how that one looks like a cloud, and how that meteor looks deadly.

[LordHyper]

>Take a break. Go outside, look up, comment on how that cloud looks like a dog, how that one looks like a cloud, and how that meteor looks deadly.

You stretch a bit and head outside, taking in the fresh air. Oh how it's a nice day. The air is nice and warm, with hints of a breeze. The clouds are so nice and fluffy. Hey, let's go cloud watching. You once heard of a rumor that people could see visions of the future within clouds, but that's ridiculous.

Hey, that cloud looks like a puppy. You want a puppy. preferably one with the ability to fly.

And hey, that cloud looks like... um... a cloud. Wow, you're imagination is incredibly shitty.

And that meteor over there looks so deadly heading towards your house and WAIT A MINUTE.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO-

==>

[The Idea Master]

>

[HalfMatch]

>MAGIC

[LordHyper]

>

YOU'RE ALREADY DOING IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

>MAGIC

You look through your various books to see which would be the most useful.

>SEER - Useless.
>SHEARS - Yes, let's try to cut the meteor in half with some sheers.
>SILENCE - Useless.
>SEARCH - You can already see the meteor...
>STAB - Oh? First we cut it in half and they stab it to death? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
>STAIRS - Maybe you could create a large case of stairs to reach the meteor and destroy i- THIS IS STUPID
>MAIM - May or may not work.
>MIGHT - Would make you stronger, but not strong enough to destroy a meteor.
>MUMMIFY - Useless.
>MOON - Let's block the meteor with the moon! [sarcasm] What a great idea! [/sarcasm]
>KILL - You can't kill a rock dumbass.
>KNIGHTS - They'll get crushed in the process.
>KEY - Useless.
>KETTLE CORN - Useless. Why do you even have this?
>KING - See KNIGHTS.

Yup, magic is absolutely useless in this solution. Magic is lame.

==>

[Lazro]

>Ask for assistance using a pencil on your wall.

[LordHyper]

>Ask for assistance using a pencil on your wall.

AAAAH. WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO

Trrry to open the machine with the lid on top.

Alright, that sounds straightforward enough. Thank god that this stuff hasn't evolved into complicated time-related bullshit yet.

==>

[Lazro]

>HIT IT ALREADY AAAAAAGH!!!

[LordHyper]

>HIT IT ALREADY AAAAAAGH!!!

You jump up and slam your book onto the Cruxtruder. Under normal circumstances, the lid of the Cruxtruder would not be affected. However, combining your hit with the power of PANIC AND FEAR, the lid breaks off immediately. See how being scared helps accomplish things in life? Oh hey shiny.

==>

[Lazro]

>TURN THE WHEELY THINGY!

[The Idea Master]

Throw something in the floating orb-thingie fast!

[LordHyper]

>TURN THE WHEELY THINGY!
>Throw something in the floating orb-thingie fast!

You try to turn the WHEELY-THINGY, but you turn it too fast. And by too fast, I mean, the shit flies off the handle and into the ORB-THINGY. You're blinded by a flash of light and you see that it had transformed into... a wheel. Fantastic. Well, at least you accomplished something else: you made some sort of cylinder thing.

==>

[Lazro]

ACHIEVEMENT GET! Failure at everything

>Try to eat the cylinder, that looks somewhat like candy.

[HalfMatch]

>Eat strange-colored oversized tootsie roll.

[LordHyper]

>DEVOUR THE CYLINDER

You try to bite into the cylinder. Your number of teeth decreases.

---

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, and you want to troll this fucking idiot, but unfortunately, he broke the CD when he ascended up the tiers of DUMBASSITUDE. Until then, you can only seethe at the screen angrily.

Hell, you're not even looking at this kid. You just KNOW that he did something stupid just now.

---

You are CASPIAN again and OW YOUR TEETH.

==>

[Lazro]

>Look for a card.
>Find one.
>Try to add it to your TAROT COLLECTION.

[LordHyper]

>Look for a card.
>Find one.
>Try to add it to your TAROT COLLECTION.

TAROT COLLECTION? What is this you don't eve- actually that sounds pretty cool. Oh hey look, there really is a card. Hmm, it's not a Tarot card, but it's still cool looking enough to be collection worthy.

==>

[HalfMatch]

>Ask for help from someone.

[Lazro]

>Ask for help from someone.