What's this game about?
It's about the people who live inside your computer.
Okay, let me start over. This game is escapism for exciting people. You get to create and unleash an avatar of yourself
Oh man like Tron?!
into an oppressively average suburban neighborhood.
Some of the highlights of the game include:
- Paying your bills!
- Decorating your own house!
- Getting a job!
You know, like you do in the real world. But what makes this game special is the AI. It's robust for 1985, but even then the people clearly didn't act like real people. You can't really control them too well, other than clicking somewhere to tell them to go to that spot, so they'll often do things like walk right past the filled fridge three times and starve to death, or complain about being in each other's way for two hours until they break down crying and fall asleep. It makes you wonder why they even decided to make the game in the first place, if the concept was redundant by itself and the hardware couldn't handle it.
So, let's get cracking!
TABLE OF CONTENTS
- Part 1 - Character Creation
- Part 2 - Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design
- Part 3 - I Left Them Alone For Six Months
PART 1: CHARACTER CREATION
Welcome to the exciting world of 1985, people. Don your sunglasses for a late-night screening of Back To The Future.
Okay, so once you click the "New Game" button, it boots you right to the character creation screen, without so much as a hint of an explanation. This is probably the single busiest character creation screen I've ever seen in my life, so let's just look at the one in the top left:
This is your Head of Household, which is why the options are more limited. You'll notice the Baby, Kid, Cat, and Dog buttons are missing, because none of those can even theoretically be homeowners. The On/Off buttons are also missing, because you need at least one Stupid Computer Person to play. Everything else on this screen is adjustable. Those tabs on the left side switch the controls to control different aspects of your Stupid Computer Person than the ones on display here. We will go over those later. For now, I'm gonna need you guys to pick:
- The number of Stupid Computer People in our household, up to 12.
- A name.
- A gender. There's only two genders available, I'm sorry if that just plays into the cisgendered heteronormative misogynist patriarchy.
- A skin color, and yes, gray is an option. No, I don't know why. Aliens maybe?
- An age.
- The starting cash you have, from $5,000 to $50,000 in $5,000 increments. This is basically the difficulty slider.