Let's Play Stupid Computer People!

[Chwoka]

What's this game about?

It's about the people who live inside your computer.

What?!

Okay, let me start over. This game is escapism for exciting people. You get to create and unleash an avatar of yourself

Oh man like Tron?!

into an oppressively average suburban neighborhood.

Oh.

Some of the highlights of the game include:

• Paying your bills!
• Decorating your own house!
• Getting a job!

You know, like you do in the real world. But what makes this game special is the AI. It's robust for 1985, but even then the people clearly didn't act like real people. You can't really control them too well, other than clicking somewhere to tell them to go to that spot, so they'll often do things like walk right past the filled fridge three times and starve to death, or complain about being in each other's way for two hours until they break down crying and fall asleep. It makes you wonder why they even decided to make the game in the first place, if the concept was redundant by itself and the hardware couldn't handle it.

So, let's get cracking!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

• Part 1 - Character Creation
• Part 2 - Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design
• Part 3 - I Left Them Alone For Six Months

FANART

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Ashtastic

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PART 1: CHARACTER CREATION

Welcome to the exciting world of 1985, people. Don your sunglasses for a late-night screening of Back To The Future.

Okay, so once you click the "New Game" button, it boots you right to the character creation screen, without so much as a hint of an explanation. This is probably the single busiest character creation screen I've ever seen in my life, so let's just look at the one in the top left:



This is your Head of Household, which is why the options are more limited. You'll notice the Baby, Kid, Cat, and Dog buttons are missing, because none of those can even theoretically be homeowners. The On/Off buttons are also missing, because you need at least one Stupid Computer Person to play. Everything else on this screen is adjustable. Those tabs on the left side switch the controls to control different aspects of your Stupid Computer Person than the ones on display here. We will go over those later. For now, I'm gonna need you guys to pick:

• The number of Stupid Computer People in our household, up to 12.
• A name.
• A gender. There's only two genders available, I'm sorry if that just plays into the cisgendered heteronormative misogynist patriarchy.
• A skin color, and yes, gray is an option. No, I don't know why. Aliens maybe?
• An age.
• The starting cash you have, from $5,000 to $50,000 in $5,000 increments. This is basically the difficulty slider.

[Jacquerel]

Five isn't too big to be unmanageable
Steve is the best name
Steve is a man's name
Steve must be vampirically pale (or gray I guess)
Steve is OLD
Be hardcore and start with $5000

[ProfessorLizzard]

Two is enough for now
Eric Warburg. He is male. Nice tan. He has 10k$ and he is 20 years old.

[piester]

Shit, lets be 12 angry men.

[Reecer6]

OH HEY GUYS I HAVE A GREAT IDEA THAT IS NEW AND NO ONE THOUGHT OF IT LET'S MAKE THE TROLLS HERPA DERP! :P
But really:
>7, for a normal family with 2.5 kids, plus a roommate and his cat.
>Home McOwner
>Male
>4th from the left, in fact do that to everyone but the roommate who'll be gray
>Young adult
>$5,000

[Chwoka]

OH HEY GUYS I HAVE A GREAT IDEA THAT IS NEW AND NO ONE THOUGHT OF IT LET'S MAKE THE TROLLS HERPA DERP! :P

oh g-god

i didn't

i didn't even realize...

[Chwoka]

(5+2+12+7)/4 = 6.5



We have a happy household of six. Six people who have the complexion of zombies. Let's fix that, shall we?



Meet Steve "Hombre" Warburg. He decided to change his name to something more American so he could actually have a chance to get a good job. He moved out of his parent's house and took his $5000 with him. But then came the hard decisions, such as:




"Oh my God, what shirt color should I wear?!"

And don't even get him started on the sleeve length!

[Whimbrel]

TEAL

[Jacquerel]

EYE BURNING YELLOW

[piester]

Shirt? Who ever said anything about a shirt?

[Reecer6]

>Dark blue, but not REALLY dark blue
>Long, you are always cold

[ProfessorLizzard]

Dark Slate Grey is a lovely shade of blue

[Chwoka]

Dark Slate Grey is a lovely shade of blue, FUCKASS

[poshiyoshi]

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Oh, hey, awesome, another adventure by the guy who did that news thing and citysim. This is destined for greatness.

Purple. Purple is nice.

[Ivorymoon]

Pink is the color of masculinity!

[~ATH]

NO SHIRT, obviously.

[KawaiiMelon]

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Oh, hey, awesome, another adventure by the guy who did that news thing and citysim. This is destined for greatness.

not to mention Office Worker, one of my favorites!'

also, hot pink shirt.

[Chwoka]

Long - 1
Short - 0
No Shirt - 2

(Of course, a "No Shirt" vote is essentially a vote for "Please throw away my vote." Besides that, every other vote is an implicit "Yes Shirt" vote.)

Teal - 2
Yellow - 1
Pink - 3

Light - 1
Neutral - 3
Dark - 3

So we have a compromise between neutral and dark pink, according to democracy.



Democracy, once again, has proved itself a total failure. THIS IS WHY THEY DON'T LET PEOPLE DESIGN MURALS BY COMMITTEE.

Let's just... move on to the head, okay?



Oh goody, more voting! Okay, this time I'm making a chart for you guys to better specify which hairstyle you guys want:



Vote for both facial hair and... scalpical hair. Simply line up your pick to the numbers and letters. For example, if I wanted to pick a bald head with no mustache, that'd be a1 1a. Got it?



And here's your hair color palette. Getting tired of voting yet?

[Whimbrel]

B8 2a
RUBY RED

[Reecer6]

>B2 + 2B, because 2B reminds me of crazy roads guy from SimCity, and also pompadour.
>Also ruby red
>But possibly vibrant yellow because that's what I said first

[Chwoka]

Is there something wrong with my monitor? I don't see any ruby red.

[ch00_bakka]

A7! 1f! He will have muttonchops and a mohawk! Also, bright yellow.

[KawaiiMelon]

I think they mean ginger.

I second bright yellow.

[karkat_rules]

Fucking. Yellow. Is. Awesome.

I vote yellow!

BTW, A4 1A

[Entropy Rogue]

A3, 1A

brown