Legend of the Hunter: Chapter 4 - [S] Fight. Talk. Don't die.

[Whimbrel]

Sebastian: Throw your brother at the bartender. I'm sure he'll figure something out.

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 10

> Bartender: Possess a seemingly endless supply of hoarzes horses.

The hoarz horse bombardement does not cease for what seems like an eternity. One would be completely justified in calling this phenomenon an EQUINE EMISSION. It is a feat of sheer BARTENDING STRENGTH only matched in its CRUELTY TOWARDS ANIMALS. Just how much of this AIRBORNE CAVALRY does the bartender have in stock? YOU CANNOT HOPE TO COMPREHEND.

Quit yer starin' and thinkin', smartypants
I'm taking all the damage here
I'm poppin' numbers all over the goddamn place
NUMBERS SEBASTIAN FUCKING NUMBERS
That's were I draw the line, dammit

You hesitate just a moment. A giant like this seems INVINCIBLE, protected by both merciless neighing projectiles and a tough shell of BARTENDER BLUBBER. You focus, trying to take in the whole picture. There must be a weakness...

> Gwyddi + Seb: Attack chesthair of the BARTENDER OF THE FALTERING HORSE with aforementioned one-two Banishing Barrage.

OF COURSE.

So how about a one-two Banishing Barrage? (Seb's Banishing Punch + Gwyd's punch attacks?) Fell that overgrown giant down!

Releasing all your energy, you turn your FOCUS into a vicious attack. You call out to your brother - together, you shall fell this giant with COORDINATED FORCE. You stun the bartender with a quick slash and follow up with a powerful BANISHING PUNCH, initiating the dreaded BANISHING BARRAGE!

That's what the gauges do: once they fill up, they allow combination attacks! The special abilities of the TACTICIAN that every KNIGHT-ERRANT possesses allow to combine several maneuvers in a specific way. FOCUS, for example, always exploits an enemy's weakness.

Like chesthair.

Yeah.

Now, it is your brother's turn! He quickly takes action...

And now we see Gwydian's special combat mode in action...

... Quick Time Events.

Fuck ah fuck fuck
Graaaaah get those fuckin button prompts off me
Who thought this shit was a good idea
Fuck you bro I didn't have to deal with this as an NPC

==>

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Hurraaaaay, ten updates! Which means this thread is OFFICIALY allowed to leave the Cradle!

I'm going to leave the thread here for the next update at least. Can't let poor Gwydian face a whole new audience while dealing with QTEs. (He hates those.)

And maybe I'll put up some links and a new introduction picture in the first post! What do you think?

[Whimbrel]

C-can you actually DO that quicktime event? o_o

Uh, if not; DEVELOPER CONSOLE THING! Change his special combat mode to something... less impossible.

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Sounds nice!

[Yamtaggler]

>What sort of tough guy is afraid of buttons? Not a very tough one, that's what. Press those buttons, young man!

[Wessolf27]

Come on, push those buttons! Say it with me! A! Right 1! A! C right! F9!

...

what the heck are these button prompts!? They seemed to be a mix of computer and joystick commands.

[PavlovianCat]

> Gwydian: Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-START!

[Flyingphish]

>punch qte in the snout

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 11

Come on, push those buttons! Say it with me! A! Right 1! A! C right! F9!

>What sort of tough guy is afraid of buttons? Not a very tough one, that's what. Press those buttons, young man!

You're right
I'm not gonna back down because of fuckin buttons
You're not the boss of me, QTEs!



Okay, I feel silly now

C-can you actually DO that quicktime event? o_o

It seems Gwydian has trouble completing the utter devastation that is the BANISHING BARRAGE. This is quite typical of your brother - whenever you're supposed to work together, he somehow seems less efficient than as an ADVERSARY.

Uh, if not; DEVELOPER CONSOLE THING! Change his special combat mode to something... less impossible.

what the heck are these button prompts!? They seemed to be a mix of computer and joystick commands.

> Gwydian: Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-START!

Fuck it I'm not monkeying around for a round of blink-'n'-miss-it-Simon Says
I'll try that code you have there
Anything's better than swatting flying buttons

This seems strange... It's almost as if the game accessed developer mode by itself. I didn't know it could do that. I mean, surely Gwydian can't do that. He's an in-game character, right?

>punch qte in the snout

And then, your brother takes action.



In a FLURRY OF VIOLENCE, Gwydian leaps towards the stunned bartender, taking advantage of the devastating blow that you have dealt. His momentum and his sheer determination give him the leverage he needs to perform his MOST DEVASTATING BRAWLBILITY...



THE PILLAGER'S PILEDRIVER. The apex of the MUGGER'S MARTIAL ARTS. As the bandits of ancient times had discovered, the solution to most mugging-related problems was APPLYING THEIR VICTIM'S HEADS TO SOLID SURFACES. And, thus, the Pillager's Piledriver was born.

Perfect for a Jeering Thug such as your brother.

It's wisdom I've lived by up to this day
When in doubt
Piledrive it



The BLUBBERY EXTERIOR of your bartending foe is no match for the overwhelming force of the Banishing Barrage. With combined techniques, you and your brother knock out the giant. The few angry drunks left quickly reconsider. You are the undisputed KING OF BAR BRAWLS, and no-one can deny your supremacy on the subject.

YOU HAVE DEFEATED 1 OUT OF 10 LEGENDARY BARTENDERS.

YOUR BAR TAB LIMIT ROSE BY 10 GENERIC COLLECTIBLES.

YOU GAINED 124 ARBITRARY UNITS COUNTING TOWARDS YOUR IMPROVEMENT OF COMBAT PERFORMANCE.

GWYDIAN LEARNED BRAWLBILITY 'WILLIE PETE'S WALLOPING'!

YOU GAIN +2 EMPATHY TOWARDS HORSES.

And that's that.

What to do now? Guards are sure to arrive soon, and you still have to find a clue towards the ULTIMATE WEAPON FOR BATTLING DEMONS...

==>

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And... here... we... go! I just posted a comment in the thread that Legend of the Hunter is ready to be moved. Let's see how things will go over there! Hope to see you all again!

LET'S SNATCH THIS BABY OUTTA THE CRADLE*

*Please retain context

[PavlovianCat]

> Sebastian: Politely inquire the bartender as to the location of said Ultimate Weapon.

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> Adventure: Burst forth from Cradle with calamitous display.

Also I vote that we hereby refer to "Arbitrary Units Counting Towards Your Improvement of Combat Preformance" as "AUCTYICP" (Aw-"city"-i*-see-pee [*short i])

[Wessolf27]

> Sebastian: Politely inquire the bartender as to the location of said Ultimate Weapon.

Gwydian: Also inquire, but in a less polite, more violent matter.

[Armok]

> chest hair: turn out to have been a symbiotic demon!

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 12

> Sebastian: Politely inquire the bartender as to the location of said Ultimate Weapon.

> Sebastian: Politely inquire the bartender as to the location of said Ultimate Weapon.

Gwydian: Also inquire, but in a less polite, more violent matter.

Now that the enemy has been defeated, you must fight the MOST EXHAUSTING and MOST TERRIFYING BATTLE of all.



Stopping Gwydian from being fucking stupid.

Gwahaha the lardass is down
Let's glue his chesthair to his ears or something
Leave him in awkward positions
Kick him in the rips some more
Or ooooh I know let's burn down that stupid inn of his

NO, BAD GWYDIAN, BAD GWYDIAN



After more or less stopping Gwydian from making EVEN MORE horrible mistakes in front of many, many eyewitnesses, you wait a short while for the bartender to REGAIN HIS SENSES. Wasting no time, you express your deepest regret for all the trouble, your brother is a useless fuck, you'd be happy to compensate A LITTLE BIT for any damages, and don't take this the wrong way but you kinda hoped you'd know anything about an ULTIMATE WEAPON.

The bartender, impressed by your straightforwardness and SOOTHING GESTURES, doesn't hold a grudge. He admits he kinda flew off the handle. Mistakes were made. Horses were thrown. He implores you to understand that, after a long day of hard work, even the smallest annoyance can cause a man to REACH FOR THE HOARZ HORSE.

He offers you a QUEST HOOK, of which they only have the finest brands available. It seems that down by the SKY TRAIN RUNWAYS, the Drakenguards are hording arcane artifacts. For whatever reasons these festivities are held - they sure don't kid around when it comes to warding off demons.

> chest hair: turn out to have been a symbiotic demon!

But maybe the troops have already missed one? These sneaky bastards can basically appear anywhere. Even the bartender's intimidating chest hair could- oh no- what if- what if it-



...no, 'cause then your Banishing Barrage would TOTALLY HAVE WRECKED that CONGLOMERATE OF BEASTLY BARTENDER FUR. Your Banishing Punch is just that effective. In all these years of demon hunting, you have only met a SINGLE DEMON that could withstand its might.

It's almost impossible to not get tangled up in a hair demon's MOISTURIZING MADNESS once they're around. Also, they never leave their HAIRDRESSER'S HIVE without a battalion of COMB CARNIVORES and CONDITIONER CRITTERS to back them up.

Like, DUH.



Uh-oh. Looks like the Drakenguards just waited for one party to finish the other, and now they're LUMBERING OVER. The captain of these guys in particular. It's like he's saying, WATCH OUT, FOLKS. I'VE GOT A BIG SILLY PURPLE SHIELD AND THE FIRST ONE TO MAKE A FAT JOKE GETS IT SLAMMED RIGHT INTO HIS STUPID LAWBREAKING FACE.

Probably best to make an exit before someone, SOMEHOW, inevitably does that joke.

What
What joke

==>

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> Adventure: Burst forth from Cradle with calamitous display.

Also I vote that we hereby refer to "Arbitrary Units Counting Towards Your Improvement of Combat Preformance" as "AUCTYICP" (Aw-"city"-i*-see-pee [*short i])

You heard it, good people of the Forum Adventure audience. Is this a display deemed calamitous enough? YOU SHALL JUDGE.

But, seriously, I'm eager to see where this will go! I was so excited that I could only draw squiggly lines for the first picture.

...also, vote accepted. It shall be my greatest dream that, one day, I can cover an entire screen in nothing but acronyms that NO OUTSIDER COULD EVER UNDERSTAND. It'll be glorious. And undecipherable.

[Armok]

> swallow quest hook like a suicidal fish in... whatever place there's lots of fishing going on.

[Ouroboros]

Sebastian: Put your hand over Gwydian's mouth. It's the only way that he won't piss them off.

[Rolf Kopter]

> Gwyddi: make a joke about the massiveness of the guard captain via elaborate gestures.

also:

> Flying train-thingy: show some breathtaking aerobatic maneuvers.

[Chaos Waltz]

>Seb: Distract Gwyddi by having him beat random drunks. Then, placate guard with interpretive dance.

[PavlovianCat]

Guard: Be primarily angry because you lost a bet on the fight.

[Wessolf27]

Sebastian: get more details concerning Quest Hook.

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 13

Sebastian: get more details concerning Quest Hook.

> swallow quest hook like a suicidal fish in... whatever place there's lots of fishing going on.

This PURELY METAPHORICAL HOOK intrigues you. Ignoring that big-boned guard barging in, you quickly inquire about the specific location of said runway, as well as any details the bartender might share. There are not many, but they are useful nonetheless: several arcane artifacts, designed for use by SKILLED EXORCISTS, are stored in a dungeon. Access is obviously restricted, but the bartender thinks he heard about an extraordinarily frustrated guard that would be just too happy to share a few secrets... with the right encouragement. WINK, WINK.

> Flying train-thingy: show some breathtaking aerobatic maneuvers.

MEANWHILE, for no particular reason, a lone train master decides to pull off some sweet mid-air moves with his IRON HORSE OF THE SKIES. He's just in the mood to showcase some sick swirls and flips and turns like he just doesn't care. Watch out moms there's a chance of BAD BOYS flying by to woo your daughters. These moves are downright illegal if they weren't physically impossible already. This train master's popping a goddamn wheelie, and this thing doesn't even have any wheels, BUT HE DOES IT ANYWAY.

What does this have to do with your situation, anyway?

> Gwyddi: make a joke about the massiveness of the guard captain via elaborate gestures.

Oh fuck when did that happen

Guard: Be primarily angry because you lost a bet on the fight.

The guard states what particular beef he has with you. First, he wouldn't have had to walk all over here if the bartender had won, because THEN they'd just call it home defense and that's it. But no, PILEDRIVING had to be involved. And also, you just cost him a couple of GENERIC COLLECTIBLES because he didn't bet on you. That makes him very angry. And when the guy gets angry who was always the bullied fat kid that no-one'd ever pick for their team, well, then NOT JUST THE LAW MIGHT BE BROKEN ANYMORE.

Okay, great you're here
so you can tell me whether you know this one
I've been working on this for some time, y'know
How many incredibly fat guards with stupid purple shields does it take to-

Sebastian: Put your hand over Gwydian's mouth. It's the only way that he won't piss them off.

Argh, you were so distracted by PURELY METAPHORICAL QUEST HOOKS that you forgot all about Gwydian! You gotta remember to keep him on a leash or something, how can a single person be so obnoxious?!

>Seb: Distract Gwyddi by having him beat random drunks. Then, placate guard with interpretive dance.

You'd never thought you'd say this, but you have run out of drunk people for Gwiddy to beat up. Fast fast fast gotta think of something before that idiot gets you both thrown into jail, and you HATE JAIL, because then your past might actually CATCH UP-



And then, a giant flying train sporting impossible moves crashes through the roofs.

This pretty much happened out of sheer, dumb luck.

God bless sheer, dumb luck.

==>

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That command was just too tempting to NOT follow through...

Oh, and for all who missed it: there's a new title picture up in the first post! This time with a MINIMUM OF TWICE AS MANY BROS!

Stay tuned!

[PavlovianCat]

> Train: Spill some of your cargo of candy and lottery tickets.

[Wessolf27]

Seb and Gwydian: Make your way to the frustrated guard

[Rolf Kopter]

> Seb: past suddenly reveals some IMPORTANT STUFF via vicious flashback, at the most inconvenient time possible.
> Gwyddi: Develop a desire to punch that train, because you have never punched a train.

[Navigatorblack]

> Seb: past suddenly reveals some IMPORTANT STUFF via vicious flashback, at the most inconvenient time possible.
> Gwyddi: Develop a desire to punch that train, because you have never punched a train.

This

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 14

> Train: Spill some of your cargo of candy and lottery tickets.

Of course, things never go that easy. The sky train struggles to regain height. Its hull suffers severe damage, causing a huge load of PRINCE RASP'S ROYAL LOTTERY TICKETS (You don't have to be a monarch to feel like a king) and DELICIOUS CANDY to fall down on the city. Naturally, this secures your brother's UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

Candy
They have a fucking candy train around here
These people have awesome festivals

> Gwyddi: Develop a desire to punch that train, because you have never punched a train.

Just imagine how much more candy comes out
Once I
Fucking
Punch
That
Train

Oh no. Another horrible idea from Gwydian. You are quick to shut him up, being very explicit concerning the consequences of another freakout. Because then there's going to be jail. And angry guards. And possibly DEAD BODIES. There will, under no circumstances, be DEAD BODIES ALLOWED. But your brother doesn't give up that easily.

Oh, Sebastian, relax a little
Things worked out alright up till now, didn't they
I keep telling ya...
You gotta have fun

> Seb: past suddenly reveals some IMPORTANT STUFF via vicious flashback, at the most inconvenient time possible.

And then, you are accosted by a FLASHBACK OF THE VICIOUS VARIANT. You are thrown back to those dark times, where beasts as tall as a mountain crawled up from the chasms, all just to destroy, devour, and burn. You remember it quite clearly. YOU WERE THERE. And even back then, your useless fuck of a brother was just standing around. Perhaps he didn't even know the names of half the people he had seen dying. And this idiot that - due to some cosmic joke - you call brother said:

Relax, bro
This place isn't of your concern, right
You have what you wanted, so I'll tell you somethin
When life keeps you down
You gotta have fun
Right now
Right the fuck now
Gwahaha



Oh dammit, THIS IS WHY YOU STOPPED HAVING FLASHBACKS

You make a mental note to block any and all flashbacks in the imminent future. Those things are DANGEROUS. Additionally, you really aren't that talkative when it comes to your past. Doesn't make for great SMALLTALK.

Now how to stop Gwydian before he gets back into the trouble you just got him out from...



Well, how about NO. He knows where you're headed. And if you allowed yourself to be distracted by all the commotion your brother causes, you'd never get anything done. SUCK IT, GWIDDY. You're on your own.

He'll come back. He always does.

Seb and Gwydian: Make your way to the frustrated guard

It's amazing how well these old games run. I mean, look at that transition. Not a single loading screen.

A short while later, you arrive at the entrance to the dungeon that the barkeeper described to you. The runway isn't far from here. There should be a FRUSTRATED GUARD around here who can help you... After all, the treasures in this dungeon might be just what you need to find the ULTIMATE WEAPON.

Or, failing that, just a DARN POWERFUL WEAPON. You'd settle for that, too, even though you went through all that trouble with the TRAIN PUNCHING and the HORSE THROWING.

==>

[PavlovianCat]

> Sebastian: Talk to some guards about how awesome and not at all shitty your job is. That should point out the frustrated one.