Legend of the Hunter: Chapter 4 - [S] Fight. Talk. Don't die.

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 52

Ok. Sebastian, keep cool. Stay calm, stay in control. No panicking. Quit panicking!

Yeah. Yeah, YOU'RE GOOD. Whoever is in that armor, it probably is a rational being, capable of temporarily ceasing to CRUSH HUMANS THAT LOOK LIKE INSECTS TO IT.

There you go, happy thoughts... in a way.

You've got a plan, the plan is good, the plan is golden, all you have to do is stick with the plan. LIE THROUGH YOUR EXPERTLY CLEANED TEETH and you should get through this fine.

That was what the plan was, right?

Brandishing teeth, so pristine and bright that they radiate pure rays of SOOTHING BENEVOLENCE, you explain to the honorable General why you are late. Because, why, you meet terrible danger up in the mountains! Countless monstrosities, murderous weather conditions and a back-breaking descent. Not to mention all the trouble you ran into in this very town! But, NOTHING TO FEAR, as you have already planned the city's defense. Although you still don't know just what this event is ACTUALLY ABOUT. What's up? Prince himself marrying, or what?

Yes! Yes, our Prince Rasp is to be married to the princess of a neighbor country! Very festive! Very political! Also VERY IMPORTANT!
Ahahaha, Hieronymus Slick, you are so funny when you pretend to forget important things!
SO TOTALLY FUNNY.

The General ponders on the integrity of your words while taking care of those pesky assassins emerging out of VARIOUS NINJA-COMPATIBLE HIDING PLACES. Pesky ninjas, cockroaches of the assassination business.

Dragon guard: escort Seb to king
easily kill four assassins along the way

VERY WELL, HONORABLE EXORCIST.
I TRUST YOUR EXPERTISE ON THE MATTER!
YOU WERE TO RESUME YOUR DUTIES IMMEDIATELY AFTER SEEING GREAT KING SKAL,
BUT BECAUSE OF YOUR LATE ARRIVAL
(as well as neglegible circumstances possibly involving ninjas)
THIS WILL NOT BE POSSIBLE. I TRULY HOPE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DISTURBED IN YOUR FAITH IN THE GREAT KING SKAL.
WOULD YOU EXPLAIN YOUR PLAN TO STOP THE DEMON, THEN?
PARTICULARLY THE PART WHERE YOU WANT TO SHOOT YOUR BROTHER OUT OF A CANNON.

Seb: Strike conversation with the general?

Trying to break the ice, you mention to the General that he missed one ninja.



DULY NOTED, MR. SLICK.
I LIKEWISE WISH TO BRING IT TO YOUR ATTENTION THAT THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD HAS COMPILED A LIST OF THE DAMAGES CAUSED BY YOUR ASSOCIATE, A CERTAIN... SALVADORE SLICK.
HE WAS, IN HIS WORDS, "PARTYING FOR THE GREATER GOOD".
BUT DO NOT WORRY, YOUR REWARD MINUS DAMAGES CAUSED STILL YIELDS A POSITIVE NET GAIN. THOUGH NOT THE LARGEST ONE, I MIGHT ADD.

Are those flamethrowers on his shoulder?

The strange machines mounted on the armor's shoulder pads jerk into motion. You are not quite sure what they are.

ALSO, MR. SLICK...




I DID NOT MISS THAT NINJA.

==>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

LET ME PLAY TO YOU
THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE




*Bonus silliness*

[ZenFeline]

... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEES. CAN WE GET HIM ON OUR TEAM?!

[PavlovianCat]

Oh hey, you did remember the list.

> Seb: Realize that if you ever get found out, you're going to have to deal with him. Better hope you find that ultimate weapon.

Alternatively:

> Seb: Ask the General if he himself has any assistance he can grant you in your demon hunting efforts.

PS:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

LET ME PLAY TO YOU
THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

I am familiar with this song.

[ChronoSamurai]

Seb: Try and convince the captain of the guard that the damages to the city were an essential part of the plan and therefore should not be deducted from your reward. Say that if your brother could not cause all this wanton destruction, his effectiveness in battle would be drastically reduced.

[Professor zobot]

I like this guy already.

Especially because its very likely that if he's the head honcho, that he and Beowulf will end up fighting over king Skal eventually.

...their battle shall shatter the heavens

>Seb: Don't even bat an eyelash, this can't be that surprising if you've been traveling with Gwydian. I mean, I would think property damage is just assumed when you take him anywhere.

You WILL throttle him later for it, though, right?

As for the plan, perhaps it would be best to dance around the brother-in-a-cannon thing. Discuss the particulars of How You're Locating The Demon, and make up something about security wards or something.

[Not The Author]

Well first off we gotta set up a trap for the demon. Need it in a relatively open area to get a clear shot, see. Demons tend to be attracted to magic, so we'll need some sort of powerful magical artifact to lure it in. Best to leave it on someone who'd be able to resist the demon until a shot can be lined up.
*coughnotsuggestingitbethegiantdracomechnosirnotat allcoughcough*

Then we take the highest-damage highest-defense plot-armored character (Gwyd, while he can certainly die, probably won't this early on. This is me trusting you to be able to beat that demon without casualties, Trump. >.>) and launch them out of a magicannon charged with exorcistic energies at the demon. Preferably whilst they are clad and armed in Iron or Silver or whatever metal demons are vulnerable to in this reality.

Give or take howevermuch Seb actually knows and/or can bullshit knowing about demonology.


Also,

show spoiler

hide spoiler

LET ME PLAY TO YOU
THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

I am familiar with this song.

Are you sure it's not this one

[siguard]

Seb> explain how the cannon can amplify all kinds of magic as long as the ammo can both withstand and focus the magic being used, normally this means only healing mages can be fired out since the healing magic would keep everyone alive during the whole process, but since your brother is both annoyingly hard to injure and a EXPERT IN ALL THINGS PUNCHING he can focus and withstand being blasted out of a cannon charged with a Banishing Punch. once hit with the PURIFYING STORM OF FISTS AND MAGIC the demon would be either dead or close enough to where the two of you could finish it by hand.

[Armok]

Also make something up about how it'd be very brave of him and the bravery harms the demon or something like that.

[Whimbrel]

Begin to distance yourself from "Salvadore" so that you can (later) claim that his actions were unaffiliated with you, and thus you should not have to pay for any of /his/ expenses.

[Chaos Waltz]

Beowulf> Appear!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

LET ME PLAY TO YOU
THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

I am familiar with this song.

Are you sure it's not this one

Or how about this one?

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 53

>Seb: Don't even bat an eyelash, this can't be that surprising if you've been traveling with Gwydian. I mean, I would think property damage is just assumed when you take him anywhere.

You aren't angry. OF COURSE NOT. In fact, you think it's even quite recommendable that, while Gwydian caused random destruction all over the place, he nonetheless did it MAINTAINING THE BLUFF SOMEWHAT.

You WILL throttle him later for it, though, right?

That's the only compliment he'll receive today, though.



While you wonder what your good-for-nothing-brother is up to, said brother is busy SNEAKILY FOLLOWING LADY NAUM. Using his superior knowledge of HIGHWAY DEPOSSESSIFICATION, as fit for a Jeering Thug, he could stow away on the roof of the carriage without being noticed. Now all that remains is to catch Lady Naum without her guards and make her a very reasonable offer...

Yeah gonna make THE BEST offer
And then I'll ask Seb how to get a summoning spell for the Demon Couch! Maybe he can use this tentacle as a spell ingredient or some shit
Hmmmm now how to sneak in there...



Perhaps with the incredible GRAPPLE SLINKY I stole back from bro!
I just couldn't leave that baby in bro's inventory, y'know
He can't appreciate its sheer utility

On the balcony of the building, an ENTERTHREATENER yells jokes and various jolly comments into the crowd. He is tasked with ensuring everybody's having a good time. He ensures that with a megaphon and A CROSSBOW. The way into the building, however, is blocked by a GRIM SOLDIER WITH A SILLY COLLAR.

I've seen sillier collars today



The General's MECHANICAL FLAME-WINGS cool with a hissing sound. You presume it would be best to hide the truth... but HIDE IT WELL.

Seb: Try and convince the captain of the guard that the damages to the city were an essential part of the plan and therefore should not be deducted from your reward.

Unleashing the MOST STRAIGHT-FACED LIE EVER CONCEIVED BY MANKIND, you tell the General that Gwydian's rampage was, uh, planned. In order to make room for the cannons, you see, which are supposed to stop the demon. And everything else was... A SIMULATION OF COMPLEX FIGHTING MANEUVERS. Yes.

Uhm, really? That's a lot of foresight, Mr. Exorcist!
If I may, I stayed with the Remedy Squad when they set up the cannons, and they're positive your brother can-

As for the plan, perhaps it would be best to dance around the brother-in-a-cannon thing.

Ahahahaha yes Ava let's not talk about that anymore.

Also make something up about how it'd be very brave of him and the bravery harms the demon or something like that.

Let's just say your bro's a VERY, VERY BRAVE MAN, and you plan on using that bravery in the best way possible.

SURELY YOU ARE NOT HIDING ANY RECKLESS ENDEAVOURS FROM ME, HONORABLE EXORCIST!
PRAY TELL, IN WHICH WAY IS THIS SALVADORE'S BRAVERY BEST UTILIZED?

As a PROJECTILE.

But you don't actually say that. Gotta think of more bullshit, fast...

==>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I am familiar with this song.

Are you sure it's not this one

Or how about this one?

That's basically the official Legend of the Hunter soundtrack we're gathering here! Someday, we might have original pieces as well, who knows!


On a sidenote, I'm kinda worried I'm getting too wordy again, but I don't want to scare off new readers with lots of incomprehensible situations. Hence, some explanations on what's going on. Let me know if you think I'm blabbering too much, I don't want to distract from the pictures, after all!

[Mibbs]

Have mr twiddlefeet possess the Enterthreatener and have him yell offensive things about everyones mothers and the night he shared with them all until Silly collar guard hauls him away

[ZenFeline]

Let's wrap the truth in a delicious lie!

"Yes, we're setting up a RIDEABLE projectile for my brother, to catch the demon off guard!"

[Professor zobot]

Hm, so far so good, Sebastian.

Perhaps we can kill two birds with one stone.. This lie might both get the General off your back AND explain away Gwydian's antics, if you can make it sound compelling. Plus it could help Gwydian pick up chicks, which will probably be an incentive for him to go along with it. Start by looking grim and remorseful and then say this:

Salvadore Slick is a practitioner of an ancient art, secret even among exorcists, of martual arts which harnesses the powers around them to transform their very bodies into powerful weapons against the forces of demon-dom. When empowered by your own Banishing Punch and the power of the cannon itself he shall become a force both great and terrible to behold, a weapon even an Overlord would fear. Naturally, this process carries great risk, and Salvatore, though he hath done it before, may very well die in heroic and dare you say it even NOBLE sacrafice for the people of this kingdom. He lives his every day as if it could be his last because it very well COULD be. And he takes that grim realization with the gutsy, devil-may-care attitude that you have come to experience. If he seems barbaric it is because he knows in his heart he sacrafices so that others may live."

That might do it, assuming you can keep a straight face while saying it.

[Chaos Waltz]

Have Mr.Twiddlefeet set the Enterthreatener on fire, then hop up pretending to be able to help. Help by throwing him at the guard then running into the building.

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 54

Have mr twiddlefeet possess the Enterthreatener and have him yell offensive things about everyones mothers and the night he shared with them all until Silly collar guard hauls him away

That is the best plan. The VERY BEST PLAN TO SNEAK AFTER THE LADY.



Unfortunately, Gwydians DEAR UNDEAD CAT LICH MR. TWIDDLEFEET does not quite seem to grasp the concept of possession. Or FOLLOWING ORDERS, for that matter. It seems that other measures are necessary to get past these guards!

Have Mr.Twiddlefeet set the Enterthreatener on fire, then hop up pretending to be able to help. Help by throwing him at the guard then running into the building.

Alright back up plan baby!
SET THINGS ON FIRE, that should be my backup plan more often
If you don't feel like doing that, Mr. Twiddlefeet, no prob, I'll just shove you into that guy
And pretend you did it by yourself
We're gonna be the best team one day! And now, go, ACTIOOOOON



Ouch
That
That could've gone better

The guard with the silly collar throws Gwydian to the ground and keeps him in an arm lock. A little embarassing, mostly because Gwydian REALLY SHOULD'VE SEEN IT COMING. That guard even had a unique character design! A SURE SIGN OF TROUBLE MAKERS.



In a threatening, yet strangely daily-grind-kind of voice the guard asks WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING. He adds that you better spit out some serviceable excuse, 'cause it's late and everybody's nagging and that stupid general will not stop breathing down his neck.

Just for good measure, he twists Gwydian's arm some more.

But you care little about why your DUMBASS BROTHER is getting his ass kicked. Right now, you have to explain to the general why your plan is a good idea - and he looks kinda sceptical. Better BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS...

Start by looking grim and remorseful and then say this:

Salvadore Slick is a practitioner of an ancient art, secret even among exorcists, of martual arts which harnesses the powers around them to transform their very bodies into powerful weapons against the forces of demon-dom. When empowered by your own Banishing Punch and the power of the cannon itself he shall become a force both great and terrible to behold, a weapon even an Overlord would fear. Naturally, this process carries great risk, and Salvatore, though he hath done it before, may very well die in heroic and dare you say it even NOBLE sacrafice for the people of this kingdom. He lives his every day as if it could be his last because it very well COULD be. And he takes that grim realization with the gutsy, devil-may-care attitude that you have come to experience. If he seems barbaric it is because he knows in his heart he sacrafices so that others may live."

And thus, you tell the general of your NOBLE COMPANION SALVADORE'S SAD, YET HEROIC FATE. Every single one of his bewildering antics can, no, MUST be excused, for it is truly the unsung heroes like Salvadore which save the world, over and over again.

HOLY CRAP YOU COULD SMACK YOURSELF FOR THAT LOAD OF BULLSHIT.

AHA! AN HONORABLE WARRIOR, THEN.
I UNDERSTAND HIS SACRIFICE, HONORABLE EXORCIST. I'M BIG ON THIS WHOLE HONOR BUSINESS, REALLY.
SO, YOUR BROTHER WILL TRULY...?

Yes, you answer. YOU WILL SHOOT YOUR BROTHER OUT OF A CANNON TO KILL THE DEMON.



...wait a sec



'xcuse me
Thought that was my huge-ass mansion
Silly mix-up, yeah, bye now











YOU'RE GONNA DO WHAT?!

==>

[Professor zobot]

...well <censored for content!>

I have no idea what to do here. Anyone else?

[Mibbs]

"shoot you out of a cannon
we went over this"

[Not The Author]

"shoot you out of a cannon
we went over this"

"this is like the eighth time
you're a pretty terrible listener, y'know"

[siguard]

Seb> pull him aside and let your brother know that it is completely safe. your getting help from some healers who SHOOT THEMSELVES OUT OF CANNONS ALL THE TIME. so even if by a random chance you actually do get hurt there are GOING TO BE PROFESSIONAL HEALERS ON THE SCENE. probably fired from cannons as well. and promise next time that you will let him convince the powers that be that you must be shot out of a cannon. also let him know that if he doesn't agree that the 9 FOOT TALL ENGINE OF DESTRUCTION behind you will roast the both of you alive.

[ZenFeline]

"Shoot you out of a---"
Gwydian: RAGE CHAIR BEFORE HE CAN FINISH.

[Schazer]

"Yeah, I know it almost ended messily in Shut-the-hell-up-so-you-don't-ruin-our-bluff-istan, but you survived that time, didn't you? Come on, this is what your line of work entails. You're embarrassing us in front of the General."

[Professor zobot]

...wow. Ok, people have had a lot of better ideas than any of the crap I came up with...

The only thing I've got:

Ava: Be overcome with emotion about "Salvadore" and his heroic sacrafice and fawn over him, momentarily pacifying Gwiddy

But I dunno... I'm not really sure it'd work. Everyone else's ideas are better right now...

[PavlovianCat]

> Seb: Tell your brother not to worry, you meant the Howitzers will fire you. Of course you won't be doing the actual firing, you don't know how to operate a cannon, that would just be silly. That was what you were so worried about, right? Of course it was...

(PS: Damn Gwyddy has good hearing.)

[Oven]

>Tristan: Be the guard on the stairs, spy on them while they talk to the general.