Legend of the Hunter: Chapter 4 - [S] Fight. Talk. Don't die.

[Not The Author]

I'mma call you Grunge.

First things first: handle's on the other side of the hilt.

[Professor zobot]

Er... uh, ok, maybe we shouldn't have cheated...

That and maybe I shouldn't have fed Gwydian's ego... it's probably large enough now to defeat a DIRE BEER on it's own...

Um...

So I guess we're commanding the two guards now?

Tristan: Resolve to change your name to something that sounds more mysterious and badass so that you're sure to become a recurring protagonist.

Other Guy: Be too cool for names and just call yourself the Other Guy until you finally prove those two scoundrels aren't actually exorcists. This is clearly your top priority.

[Anthano Zasalla]

CHEATERS NEVER WIN, MOST OF THE TIME

The second guard is called HAROLD.

[siguard]

Tristan> your still plot relevant to me, see if you can peek into the ceremony.
Final boss> have access to the Developers Console

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 37

I'mma call you Grunge.

The second guard is called HAROLD.

> Other guy: Display your awesome skills.

Woah, no! That's HIGHLY DANGEROUS PROTAGONIST STUFF! You, a nameless and largely unimportant NPC GUARD, has long since figured out it's only the relevant characters that get into real trouble. Sure, you get beat up for silly reasons occasionally, but the really nasty things never concern an anonymous background character.

It's a tough way of living.

> Whats-your-name: Tell whoever's shining that light on you to cut it the fuck out.

So GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, stupid spot light of plot relevance! We ain't be havin' that nonsense around here! Get lost! Shine on some sagely fucker's bald spot or something!

AND NO NAMING SCREENS, dammit these things are like bloody gnats

>Tristan: Vow to get that protagonism some day, even if you have to (get a tiger) for it.

Tristan, of course, won't have any of that. He desperately wants to play his part, to be one of the world movers, to have his very own dramatic scenes, and maybe even attain the rarest treasure of all, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

Hopefully he won't have to get a tiger for that. He's not THAT fast.

Tristan: Resolve to change your name to something that sounds more mysterious and badass so that you're sure to become a recurring protagonist.

You patiently try to explain to Tristan that he's downright INSANE, and instead of furiously writing down his ideas for awesome protagonist names, he should help him get those fake exorcists instead. You have solid proof!

And in any case, your protagonist name wouldn't be yours to choose, anyway. It's these strange NAMING SCREEN'S DOING.

Tristan> your still plot relevant to me, see if you can peek into the ceremony.

Once again, Tristan is too much of a stupid, irrelevance-weary fuckhead to listen to you. He's running off to visit the exorcist, who's probably meeting the general in the vicinity of the grand ceremony. That idiot! Walking right into the CENTER OF PLOT RELEVANCE!

Other Guy: Be too cool for names and just call yourself the Other Guy until you finally prove those two scoundrels aren't actually exorcists. This is clearly your top priority.

Yes! That sounds reasonable. Not too extravagant, and it certainly won't attract the attention of nasty plot things. That way, you can work to uncover the crime. Mostly because it annoys you THAT THOSE TWO GUYS ACTUALLY GOT AWAY WITH IT.

When you moved that big loot bag, you took the opportunity and helped yourself to some of that JEWELRY. You had heard from the commander that the BRUTISH, PUNCH-INCLINED ONE stole it from some people near the Faltering Horse tavern. You'll just find out who actually owns this thing, point out where the thief now stays, the victim alarms the authorities, and there you go. Let's see them free themselves out of their WEB OF LIES, then! Ha!

Spider King: Plot.

Speaking of web... Does that spider wear a crown? Woah, that's a really huge spider. What's it sitting there for? Almost looks as if it's waiting for something.

Oh, why the hell not! You decide to RELIEVE THAT SPIDER OF HIS ADORABLE LITTLE CROWN, which must be worth a small fortune.



What're you looking at, spider king? Something behind me?





==>

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Final boss> have access to the Developers Console

Haha, that's ridiculous. It's a game, the characters in it aren't real! They can't "access" developer mode.

Uuuuuhm
Seconding

[ZenFeline]

Sniffer: THIS GUY.... Is useless.
Other Guy: Have the shit beaten out of you by the mysterious person behind you.
Spider King: All according to plan.....

[Armok]

> Tristan: you need to make your appearance more unique, don a garishly coloured scarf.

[siguard]

Guard-who-is-well-on-his-way-to-becoming-a-miniboss>Shoo away the Obviously a Begger Lady, you have mobs to rally. if she doesn't leave then violence her away.

[PavlovianCat]

> Hooded Figure: Sniff that Other Guy. Vigorously.

[Professor zobot]

What're you looking at, spider king? Something behind me?

==>Creepy Sniffing Girl: Ensure that Other Guy is never seen from again...

==>Other Guy: It turns out your name was Wedge. Or maybe Vicks. Why, oh WHY, did you borrow one of Tristan's red shirts today?

==>King Spider: ...all according to plan...

[Anthano Zasalla]

>Sniffgurl: KILL

>Insignifiguard: Be killed

>Spider King:

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WELP

[Wessolf27]

>Insignifiguard: Get yourself overpowered because you don't have any sort of protagonist abilities.

>Tristan: Find a nice little protagonist's boutique where you could find all those unique clothes. Be fabulous.

[Godbot]

>Insignifiguard: Get yourself overpowered because you don't have any sort of protagonist abilities.

I really like this.

[Chaos Waltz]

Sniffgirl>Save that guard from getting his external organs shoved into his internal organs by the spider king. Then claim his soul in exchange for saving his life. Tell him you'll give it back to him after you deal with a certain Exorcist (this is a lie).

Insignifiguard>Agree.

SpiderKing> Find another victim. . .

[Oven]

>Tristan: Slap yourself into protagonism.
>Other Guy: Meet the assassin-woman/sniff girl.
>Assassin-woman/sniff girl: Stop putting off your introduction.

[Disva]

Spider-king: Run campaign for re-election

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 38

> Tristan: you need to make your appearance more unique, don a garishly coloured scarf.

>Tristan: Find a nice little protagonist's boutique where you could find all those unique clothes. Be fabulous.

Tristan soon finds the perfect store for his needs: protagonist clothing, in all sizes, very affordable. And FASHIONABLE, too. This one looks very nice. It's red! Your FAVORITE COLOR! And those circles just gives it that finishing touch.

Now, where can you find a scarf that'll give people sensory overload several hundred meters away...?

Guard-who-is-well-on-his-way-to-becoming-a-miniboss>Shoo away the Obviously a Begger Lady, you have mobs to rally. if she doesn't leave then violence her away.

Sheesh! A beggar lady? You angrily wave your sword in her general direction. There's SPIDER CROWNS to snatch, and you're sure as hell not going to share with a crazed hobo girl.

Run

What was that?

>Other Guy: Meet the assassin-woman/sniff girl.
>Assassin-woman/sniff girl: Stop putting off your introduction.

You lean closer. What was that, ya little punk? Maybe she didn't quite hear you. Strange, really, given how much of a point you make by being excessively unambigous. With all this trouble she caused you already, how about a little COMPENSATION, eh? There's gotta be some coin in that dirty coat of yours.

Stay away from me
You can still escape
Listen to me

You know why nobody can find me?



Well, look at that, she CAN articulate herself. Too bad there ain't no articulating yourself out of this situation, missy. You can help the guard finance its endless fight against crime, lady...

Hu, lovely head she's got hiding there. You guess it's one of these DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH. Oh, you say, if you haven't got any coin, we sure can work out SOME OTHER WAY TO SHOW YOUR GRATITUDE.

I beg of you, run, now

It's a quite ingenious trick, really.
Keeps your aura out of sight.
And that at just a little price of your power.
Marvellous.

What in Skal's name is that crazy woman babbling about?

Please don't



Help me

>Insignifiguard: Get yourself overpowered because you don't have any sort of protagonist abilities.

It's not your right to KNOW, fucker.
It's your right to fucking die and see your own blood splatter in fascinating ways all over the pavement.
It's your right to LISTEN, because your kind HAS TO BE TOLD.
And you will now share something that you have NO RIGHT TO KNOW.
God, I love this part...



SURPRISE, FUCKER
CHRRRRAAAAAHAHAHAHA

==>

[Pharmacy]

>Tristan: Impress us.

[Anthano Zasalla]

> Fucker: Be surprised.

[Not The Author]

I imagine you'd be more surprised if your job was less terrible. You're a Nameless Guard, it's practically in the job description that you're going to die horribly if any Heroes show up, either to show how powerful and evil the Villain is or because the Hero(es) break the law for whatever reason and you have to try to catch them.

Speaking of Heroes, this might be a good time to find those Exorcists. Or, scream as loudly and agonized-ly as you can, and they'll come to you. Though the latter option usually means they arrive too late, so I don't really suggest it.

[PavlovianCat]

> Other Guy: Oh shit! You must have stumbled into a cut-scene! You've got to get out of there!

[siguard]

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I like Tristan and hope he achieves Protaginisom. I'd imagine he would be a decent support/tank for the bros.

Other Dude> run in terror, the faster you get out of the cutscene the better your chances of living.

[ZenFeline]

Nameless Guard: OH FUCK RUN.
As running: Well, if the "Excorcist" can't take care of this, he's exposed! BUt if he can, I get to live! GUESS WHERE I'M GOING.

[Professor zobot]

Other Guy: Realize you made 3 mistakes, just before the end:

1) Realize that even without a name, even without the spotlight of significance, the fact that you were going against the fakey-fake Exorcists made you not a protagonist, but an antagonist. You became a character with a purpose and significance to the plot.

2)Realize that you set yourself up to die by not allowing yourself any distinguishing traits save those that indicate you as an unlikable character who would extort or even solicit unwilling sex from poor beggar woman. The universe loves seeing petty jerks get comeuppance.

3) Realize that you should never, and I mean NEVER, mess with the King Spider. This was clearly the biggest factor in your untimely death and/or possession by the demon that the Fakey-fake exorcists are supposed to be banishing.

==> Be Seb. Meet with the General.

Gwiddy: Be doing absolutely NOTHING that will become plot relevant later on. Nothing.

[Godbot]

> Other Guy: Oh shit! You must have stumbled into a cut-scene! You've got to get out of there!

OH GOD THERE'S NO WAY TO SKIP IT

IF ONLY YOU WERE BEING CONTROLLED BY SOME SORT OF OUTSIDE FORCE THAT HAD A START/SELECT BUTTON AT ITS DISPOSAL