Legend of the Hunter: Chapter 4 - [S] Fight. Talk. Don't die.

[ZenFeline]

Gwidian: Keep doing your job. You're doing AMAZING.

Above comment: Ultimately be what distracts Gwidian and causes random shenanigans to occur.

[PavlovianCat]

> Candy Train: pick up shiny woman and booze salesman. Fly little loops around the building Gwyd is guarding.

[Chaos Waltz]

Alastor> stab the priest! Then return to Gwyddi bearing candy and booze!

[Godbot]

> Sebastian: Go talk to the general.

> Gwydian: Keep it up, you're doing great.

[Not The Author]

Gwyd: The only way you're gonna resolve this is to figure out a way to exist in several places at once. Y'know, like the way some Monks can beat a guy up seven times at the same time?

Or you could build a time/cloning machine/amulet/glove/device outta your loot, or something.

[Disva]

>Mr. Twiddlefeet: Lure Gwyddi to the dark side.

[Wessolf27]

>Gwydian: You must persevere! You must persevere! You must-- Oh you know what forget it. This is dumb and you're leaving this place the moment you can.

> Random thieves: Loot everything.

[Oven]

>Gwydian: The lich cat will guard it, you're good for a few drinks man.

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 35

>Gwydian: You must persevere! You must persevere! You must-- Oh you know what forget it. This is dumb and you're leaving this place the moment you can.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!
Gaaaah bro tricked me into doing this
And now he'll be extra-mad if I abandon post
God fucking dammit they wouldn't even be able to fucking CATCH ME to take me to jail
Is this some honor bullshit Seb's pulling on me?
Is this supposed to make me feel guilty or something

> Gwydian: Keep it up, you're doing great.

Yeah
I'm doing great
I can do this
I mean this is the perfect chance to show that stupid Seb I'm not just a boozing slacker
But a boozing slacker WHO CAN GUARD SHIT
Yeah I'm doing this I'll persevere the fuck out of this thing

> Candy Train: pick up shiny woman and booze salesman. Fly little loops around the building Gwyd is guarding.

The festivities are slowly being started for real! The streets are emptier, as everyone hurries to the great plaza. The magnificient PARTY TRAIN soars through the sky, offering free AGENTS OF MOOD ENHANCEMENT for everyone who boards it. What better way to enjoy the year's greatest event than from a train FILLED TO THE CHIMNEY WITH PURE UNADULTERATED PARTY?

Now this is just getting ridiculous

Gwidian: Keep doing your job. You're doing AMAZING.

>Mr. Twiddlefeet: Lure Gwyddi to the dark side.

...wait a sec
If this is a job I'm doing for Seb
There's gotta be a loop hole in the job description...



A-ha!

This is beyond weird. This is the second time already the game's entered developer mode all by itself.
Perhaps I got a bugged version or something...
Probably drunk programmers.

>Gwydian: Hit your breaking point, have a little mental meltdown, and become a Singularity OF WOMANIZING, BOOZING, AND FIGHTING
>Seb: Actually do a decent job at getting everything organized.

AHAHAHAHA
Off we go, Mr. Twiddlefeet
'cause you see you ARE treasure
And I can't exactly guard you if you keep flying all over the place
So I'm taking a little detour
TO BETTER GUARD YOU BWAHAHAHA

A ringing sound is heard by all those with PLOT-SENSITIVE EARS. You, who is organizing the cannon placements so well HIS POINTING FINGERS ARE ON FIRE, are gaining truly mad amounts of ARBITRARY UNITS COUNTING TOWARDS THE IMPROVEMENT OF COMBAT PERFORMANCE. Your quest hook has lead you up to this point and is capped off by this earth-shattering display of LEGENDARY LOGISTICS.

Likewise, your brother is awarded with preposterous sums of A.U.C.T.T.I.O.C.P.s, as the sheer intensity of PROMISE KEEPING at display sunders the very core of the experience point awarding mechanic. Thus, Gwydian fulfilled his very own quest hook: TO STOP BEING A USELESS FUCK. You would probably disagree, but then again, if you knew, you'd be too busy BEING ANGRY AS HELL.

In fact, both your and your brother's performance is so great, you reach the next level. You reach... oh my god... you truly and undoubtedly reach...



LEVEL 5.

Like, DUH.

Good news! Due to having fulfilled their respective quest hooks... somehow, both Sebastian and Gwydian have reached level 5! We will soon get another quest hook for them, which will represent our next milestone for level advancement. There are many ways of "fulfilling" a quest hook, though!

With a new level, characters gain two things: an additional special tech (here the awesome DEVIL DASH and the infinitely useful LEVIATHAN'S LOGISTICS) and an ABSTRACT CONCEPT REPRESENTING COMBAT REFINEMENT, which allows to improve in one of four categories:

BRAWLBILITES,

MAGICKS,

ALCHEMY or

DEBATERY!

==>

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Level up time, folks!

Now you can decide on how we're gonna develop these two characters battle-wise! No matter what it is, it will definitely show up in the story itself. If you feel like it, suggest in which way you want the characters to improve in a certain category - like, special techniques, passive abilities, battle mode enhancements, completely useless accessories to wear as hats...

And next update, Sebastian is sure to hurry to the meeting with the general. But level-ups first!

WE GOTTA HAVE ALL THE EXPERIENCE. ALL OF IT!!!

[PavlovianCat]

> Sebastian: Spec in DEBATERY to gain: Situational Flaming Pants Extingusher!
Given the slightest lead into a misconception, you can worm your way out of the stickiest situations by lying your ass off (also good for putting out actual pants fires).

[Oven]

>Gwydian: Disregard rules, take all of them.
>seb: Facepalm and choose magicks.

[ZenFeline]

Gwydian: LOOT EVERYTHING. Take one of everything, and TWO BRAWLBILITIES.

Seb: That ass... Know what. You're a SILVER KNIGHT. You deserve BETTER than just ONE upgrade per level! This is level FIVE. FIVE. THE FIRST LEVEL DIVISIBLE BY FIVE. Those are important! As a special reward, you'll just help yourself to a Magick and an Alchemy upgrade....

Readers: WAIT. THERE WAS A QUESTHOOK INVOLVED?!

[siguard]

Gwydian> take Brawlbilities, the hell do you need those other stats for? you don't have any spells of your own and Seb does all the Alchemy.
Seb> take Magicks for better brother cannon blasting.

[Schazer]

Gwyddy could take a leaf out of the Howitzer's books and pick up a branch of Alchemy - of the throw/launch/strap rockets onto spaghetti at a wall/enemy's face and see what sticks/explodes/restores/somehow scores rad-tastic humiliation-based damage bonuses. (cross out/select as appropriate)

It would require a "Spaghettification" type-attack to prepare alchemical ingredients for this treatment.

[Professor zobot]

Gwiddy: Take brawability and (drunken) debatery. May as well go with works!

Seb: You need to compliment your brothers skills! After all, he's the main character, right? Take Alchemy and Magic, be able to assist the main fighter with support magics.

[Disva]

Gwyddi: BRAWLABILITIES
Seb: MAGICKS

[Mibbs]

Gwyd should be our min-maxer. pump everything into Brawlbilities and try and get him to hack the game to take a few points out of charisma/wisdom/int/etc and put it into strength

Sebastian should improve his alchemy. We just got a vault full of fancy things. to pass up the opportunity to make them even fancier is just criminal (like what you are(lying about being an exorcist))

[Wessolf27]

Gwyddy: Debatability (Drunken of course)

Seb: Alchemy

[Chaos Waltz]

Insert Hax, gain all of them.

In the event of Hax failure:
Seb> Alchemy
Gwyddi> Brawlbillity

[Torquemadras Trump]

Legend of the Hunter - 36

Seb> take Magicks for better brother cannon blasting.

Now, the time has come for you to FACE THE GENERAL! You are confident that the Remedy Squad can take over from here just fine, so you return to the temple with Ava. But your astounding MANAGEMENT SUCCESS has filled you with confidence - you feel like finally taking a crack at that magic book you're hauling around. For some reason, you feel ESPECIALLY RECEPTIVE right now!

HARDCORE SPELLZ, The Guide To Rad Reality Warper's Daily Asskicking

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Sick moves, fellow of the beard! You ask how I know? 'cause I KNOW MAN CAUSE I'M A FUCKING WIZARD HELL YEAH

Looking for the thrill of letting magic dance at your fingertips like some fat kid that's tickled, but instead it's not like that at all and looks awesome instead? LOOK NO MORE WITH THOSE WIZARDLY EYES OF YOURS! Lift those wizened eyebrows like you're fucking deadlifting dude, you have hot-damn hedgerows growing over your eyes and that's a damn accomplishment!

So whaddya need to be bossing normal boring fuckers around with your sick fires and ice-cold stares all day long, all the time, even when you're asleep because everybody will be too fucking scared of being killed by your supercharged magical POWER SNORES? You need the talent, man, and I can tell ya got it, 'cause this book's magically trapped and would've killed ya if you hadn't.

So drop whatever piece of INCREDIBLY RADICAL SPORTS EQUIPMENT you're showing off sweet moves with and get to WIZARDING. Visualize shit with the BEARD OF YOUR SOUL. Imagine frosty flakes shooting out from your hands like candy and all your enemies are like oh fuck oh fuck I want that candy and they take all the candy but it's actually deadly ice blades and then they're like oh fuck oh fuck I thought it was candy but it's actually deadly ice blades, DAAAAAAMN!

And soon you'll get to what hardcore wizarding is really all about, dawg: being TOTALLY BOSS, ALL THE TIME.
- Grandmaster Krogan '4-Tune' The Earth Sage

...you primarily wonder why it's a POP-UP BOOK.

Oh hey honorable Dragon Maiden!
As a token of our appreciation, we alchemized the, uh, CANDY OF TRUST!
I'm not sure that's what it's called, but sure, thanks!
Uh, why does it look like a bomb? Can you even eat this?
You most certainly can! It's a special Howitzer Jaw Breaker.
Oh dear.

Seb: You need to compliment your brothers skills! After all, he's the main character, right? Take Alchemy and Magic, be able to assist the main fighter with support magics.

You don't know what that main character business is about, but a combination of both magic and alchemy would be nice! However, you don't think you have the time to train in both disciplins.

Wait what what am I seeing there
BWAHAHAHA I've out-protagonisted you bro
AHAHAHA Oh I wish you could hear what I'm saying right now
Oooooh this is grand this is grand

Gwyd should be our min-maxer. pump everything into Brawlbilities and try and get him to hack the game to take a few points out of charisma/wisdom/int/etc and put it into strength

>Gwydian: Disregard rules, take all of them.

Hell yeah I'm gonna cheat me all the Abstract Concepts of the world
I'm getting good at this
Watch this I'm being extra sneaky this time, no developer mode here
So that the doofus behind the screen doesn't notice anything
He can't read this either I'm a fuckin cyber ninja here people

Readers: WAIT. THERE WAS A QUESTHOOK INVOLVED?!

I'm as surprised as you are
I mean okay with Seb it's kinda the crowning moment of this chapter for him
Or something
Me
Well
I'm gonna crown myself soon enough, he



The results of your reading is not quite what you... expected. You tried to learn a simple spell, but instead of devastating ice magic, you can only visualize... a REALLY, REALLY MEAN STARE. It's bound to unsettle people, sure, but can it rip them to shreds with magical ice shards? You wonder why this happened.

Eeeeeerm Exothermal Fist what the hell
Evidently I suck at hacking this game
Erm so what does this actually do, then...?



No matter the result, you learned something from the experience. First, how to STARE PEOPLE INTO OBLIVION. Second, that you can get away with pretty much every lie if you just make it GRAND ENOUGH. You will convince the general in no time.
You wonder where Gwydian is. It would've been better to take him along, where you can keep an eye on him. Maybe Gwydian's just guarding treasure in the room right now, you'll find out later. Now, off to the general!

Right after you help Father Lamard drop an armoire on your Alastor sword or something.




Everything will go according to plan. No matter how improvised that plan is.
You are sure of this.










MEANWHILE.

As the sky darkens and the grand event draws closer, guards all over the city increase their vigilance. It is sadly a necessity. When a prince marries, the ugly side of politics is bound to reappear over and over again. Well, not on King Skal's turf. People say he even arranged for an exorcist to come, and everybody knows they're the best there are at warding off dangerous beasts.

But not all guards are that busy. Two in particular take their sweet time. But now, one of the guards has finally gained the resolve to take action.



YOU ARE TRISTAN, the frustrated and unusually emotive guardsmen who has decided to fight for his chance of a lifetime. He is determined to take up PROTAGONISM, so that he may be relevant enough to join the exorcist's team! You have already packed all your RED SHIRTS, you know all your endlessly repeated STOCK PHRASES by heart, and you have honed your TABLE SUMMONING SKILLS TO PERFECTION.
Of course, your colleague is not entirely convinced. In fact, HE THINKS YOU'RE A FUCKTARD. But now that you are finally a protagonist, things are bound to swing in your favor!



Just kidding, YOU'RE ACTUALLY THIS GUY.

==>

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Aaaand the majority goes to... cheating with Gwydian for more abilities, and picking magic with Sebastian. But you aren't getting those without a twist... Mwahaha.

> Sebastian: Spec in DEBATERY to gain: Situational Flaming Pants Extingusher!
Given the slightest lead into a misconception, you can worm your way out of the stickiest situations by lying your ass off (also good for putting out actual pants fires).

Gwyddy could take a leaf out of the Howitzer's books and pick up a branch of Alchemy - of the throw/launch/strap rockets onto spaghetti at a wall/enemy's face and see what sticks/explodes/restores/somehow scores rad-tastic humiliation-based damage bonuses. (cross out/select as appropriate)

It would require a "Spaghettification" type-attack to prepare alchemical ingredients for this treatment.

Next time, as you can see: a little thing aside...

[Oven]

>Tristan: Be the sad Dragon-guard loser
>Other guy: Show that statue in the background whos boss.

[PavlovianCat]

> Whats-your-name: Tell whoever's shining that light on you to cut it the fuck out.

[Godbot]

> Equip that statue of a dragon over there as your primary weapon

[Schazer]

Spider King: Plot.

[Wessolf27]

> Seb: Give Alastor your Ice-cold stare
>Tristan: Vow to get that protagonism some day, even if you have to (get a tiger) for it.
> Other guy: Display your awesome skills.