@ MiE 2k11: It's still going! This was just a break for Halloween. Also it's taking forever because I still haven't decided whether I want to bring in another character now or later and exactly what my headcanon is for their relationship with another character already involved. Also also I lost the list of potion ingredients.
An occasional fanfic writer and general lurker. -- Chromatica: An Ib-inspired text adventure featuring Homestuck characters
THAT IS NOT SPADES
THERE IS NO CONSENT
THAT IS LIKE SPADES RAPE
TROLLS WOULD BE DISGUSTED
Originally Posted by invalidgriffin
Where do you keep the chips, dB. Can you turn up the air conditioner? Man why is your internet so slow, it is taking forever to download all these seasons of Digimon. YES Digimon is important to the lesbians process will you stop nagging.
Originally Posted by olivia
Originally Posted by Doodled
Eridan: Hunt for fearsome beast
Very fearsome indeed.
got that bitch a wweb-cartoonist. bitches lovve wweb-cartoonists.
Fanfics
Chapter Fics
Thicker Than Blood 01234: It seemed like a pretty straightforward moraillegience. He provided her with food, she protected him from the other rainbow drinkers. Maybe if her old matesprit hadn't gotten involved, it would have stayed that way.
Wizardstuck 12345678910111213141516: The new Hogwarts students just keep getting weirder every year.
Zombiestuck KKEG (1): They thought that the Earth would be empty, ready for them to rebuild and reshape it as they saw fit. They weren't expecting that the meteors wouldn't hit everywhere, or that they might have some nasty side effects. They weren't expecting the Infected.
Don't Press Buttons (1): As usual, John does something stupid. Only this time, the result is that he becomes a troll, and Karkat becomes a human. Shenanigans ensue.
One-Shots
Blood and Noir: I'd fallen for that trap once. I wasn't going to do it again. The Road Ill Traveled: A poem about Karkat and Terezi written in the style of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Traveled". Pixie Trails: Sometimes luck doesn't even factor in. Unovastuck-Karkat vs Throh and Sawk: Apparently, a Sawk is faster than a Throh. Faster than a Braviary too. Karkat finds out the hard way. Kore Wa Troll Desu Ka?: Includes crossdressing and magical girl transformations. Karkat was not pleased. The Lawyer and the Goddess: Vriska and Terezi are having a very important chat when they get interrupted by a certain juggalo. Prompt Dunp: A group of several short fics I wrote based on prompts, including Tavros and Bro sharing tea, Slick talking with Jade about (briefly) hobbits, and Dave finding a birthday gift for Rose. Tears: Getting stabbed in the chest once sucks. Getting stabbed in the chest twice really sucks. Prey: Nepeta is a clever kitty. Yes: In a moment of weakness, Rose consults her magical cue ball. My Little Sis: An alt!kids fic about Bro raising blue!Jade. Based off of MSB's AU roleplay. Funhouse: John really, REALLY doesn't like clowns. Or music by Pink. Ice Cubes: Bro talks to Nanna before his fated battle with Jack. INDIGO and CaNdY rEd: An altblood pesterlog, featuring mutant Gamzee and indigo Karkat. Kantostuck: John wants to be the very best. Like no one ever was. Disease Called Friendship: Karkat has had a bad time with friends. The Demon: Death sometimes comes in the form you'd least expect. Hope: Even the Prince of Hope doesn't understand it. Hoststuck: Yeah, I don't really know either. Coulrophobia: HONK HONK MOTHERFUCKER Do: Killer: He stalks in the darkness, waiting. Waiting. Awaken: It's hard, being a rainbowdrinker. It's hard and no one understands. Kitten: Hearts Boxcars adopts an adorable kitten. Misery Loves Company: Terezi gives the bad news, and finds out some bad news of her own. Tend the Living: Gogdammit Hussie I hate you. Doll: It's actually a very good thing that Vriska allowed Bec to be prototyped. Don't Die On Me: Terezi discovers a new reason to hate Vriska. BL1ND Buddiie2: Sollux consults Terezi on the best method of seeing without sight. Cold: Dave decides to take a little time out to go see Jade.
So here's a story for you. There I was, sitting around about, say, minute thirty of the Halloween Nyan Cat Endure-O-Thon (don't ask) when a friend jokes that "it's like being near a drunk Nepeta." I think I said something about Nepeta not having to be the slightest bit inebriated to sing thirty solid minutes of Nyan Cat when a gravely voice pops into my head.
"*Ahem.* ...'You are now thinking about what two adult moirails would do, if they got drunk together.' Haaaaave fun with that."
Gog dammit, Nappa. And of course the plot bunny was stuck in my head at that point. At least it helped me ignore the song, but I had things to do! Ugggggh. So obviously I can't post a fic like this here. Not without adult OCs. If the idea's gnawing on you as much as it was me (mind that it's not finished yet), you'll have to look in the usual places.
But meanwhile, an unrelated conclusion:
Infinite Nyan Cat.
Am actively being haunted.
Terrifying green mobster-skull-clown time-travelling entropy demon.
...I'm dead, aren't I? Writing this fic killed me and sent me straight to a strange corner of hell that looks like the MSPA forums, didn't it?
Last edited by SkaianRedeemer; 11-02-2011 at 03:12 AM.
Reason: Seriously, I don't even notice the song any more. It's very soothing.
Ah, solitude!
I cannot say I miss the chaos of Nyx,
Which fails to pierce these walls.
No auspistices to meddle with, and no moirail to fret over.
No matesprit to resent, no kismesis to dread,
And no drone who'd dare trouble me. Why bother?
Enter SHACOE, in drab clothing.
SHACOE
Because you are lonely.
SHAKOW
Bah, what would you know of my loneliness?
You never dare speak outside this hive, for fear I'd silence you.
What could you know of my affairs?
SHACOE
I know enough.
I know that you want someone you can call "friend,"
Or at the very least someone who does not dread your sight.
And I know that nowhere in Nyx could we find such a person.
So I say once again:
You are lonely.
SHAKOW
...
So I am lonely.
Admitting that, how do you plan to act on it?
I thought you would be my better half,
And instead you are a frightened child.
SHACOE
Is it possible I could be both?
You certainly have not gone looking for a moirail,
And in one's absence, you must make do with your addled mind,
Which of course is the curse of all of our kin.
SHAKOW
Moirails with myself? Now, that's just stupid.
SHACOE
Oh, indeed.
But to this end, I've listened,
And heard things you've ignored.
Go east.
SHAKOW
Eh?
SHACOE
Go east, worse half. You'll find your desire there.
And I shall not trouble you along the way.
SHAKOW
What lies east? Tell me!
SHACOE
But that would spoil the joke.
I thought you loved jokes, other half.
And I find this one quite hilarious.
Exeunt SHACOE, laughing.
SHAKOW
That's not funny!
Exeunt
A/N
The plot thickens dun dun dun
Also, I can see this being adapted into one of Karkat's sappy romantic movies. Sappy by troll standards, anyway. Humans might find it quite touching.
Hark, my good subjugglator. Where be ye off to this day?
SHAKO
East, fair prophet, on the advice of an acquaintance of mine.
PROPHET
Ah, your hallucinated brother. I see.
SHAKO
I did not say that.
PROPHET
You are of the Grand Highblood's line! Even I can discern as much;
And if you professed no trouble of the mind, you would be a liar.
Those of the violet humors are not abounding in friends,
And so the only one who could tell you to journey east would be yourself,
The part which listens rather than ignores.
SHAKO
Your words mean nothing to me, old man.
You babble, and in that babbling, you think yourself erudite.
PROPHET
Oh, am I babbling?
Or perhaps you will not allow yourself to understand.
My mind is quite unsullied by the sweeps I have lived.
And how tragic it is that yours is far more broken than mine will ever be.
SHAKO
Leave me, old wretch!
You take it upon yourself to irk me?
Then well done! I am irked;
But if you are trying to joke at my expense,
I can read your future myself:
Filled with equal parts violence and brevity.
No troll makes light of the Demon Jester.
PROPHET
Fair enough, good Jester,
But I was sent with a prophecy of my own.
You head east, correct? Then beware;
Your kinsmen threaten the treasure you seek.
If you will not stand against your brothers,
Your prize in the east is lost, and you with it.
SHAKOW
I have no love for the subjugglators.
Let them appeal to our blood, and I shall spill it,
As I have done to all those who present themselves obstacles in my path.
So your prophecy is unneeded.
Goodbye, fair Prophet.
Exeunt SHAKOW.
PROPHET
And so he left, with no heed to my warning.
And though he would find his dear prize well indeed,
He would have no inkling of how close he'd come,
Not just to missing, but destroying his gem.
It was this rage for which was writ my prophecy.
If he failed in this journey, the whole world would find him,
And in his blind fury, he'd run to his death.
Pay close attention, friends, to our boy Shakow.
When his gem finds him, all will be clear.
Exeunt
A/N
And there's our Troll Greek Chorus, the Blind Prophet. You'll be seeing more of him.
Last edited by Graven_Image; 11-02-2011 at 06:15 PM.
No, Julise, I'm certain my time is through.
The subjugglators will arrive any minute,
And I must wrest every second I can for your escape.
JULISE
Why are you protecting me? Is it love? Pity?
Or have you finally run out of things to live for?
MARCKI
Perhaps, my dear, it's a bit of all three.
Now, run! The highbloods approach!
Exeunt MARCKI.
JULISE
There but for the Empress's grace go I, my friend.
Bubsi, you must leave as well.
JULISE sets down the Felixis, which runs away.
JULISE
Whatever happens, you must be safe.
Seven sweeps was not enough for us,
But I cannot suffer another death on my hands.
Exeunt JULISE. Enter the PROPHET.
PROPHET
Our gem flees. Flees to the west, no doubt.
She has no plan. She aggrieved a highblood,
And with that aggravation, doomed herself.
She runs quickly, but her friend's sacrifice will only buy her so much time.
She must find her fated one in the wilds, before she herself is found.
If the subjugglators can catch her, they will kill her.
And indeed she will be caught by one. But which?
Exeunt
A/N
I wonder who this Julise person could be. It could take scenes and scenes of running to figure out.
And scenes and scenes and scenes...
Seriously, we may never know.
Also three scenes in one day calm down me your creativity lobes are gonna char and fall off
Last edited by Graven_Image; 11-02-2011 at 09:42 PM.
It has some really awkward line breaks, but it's really quite cute.
Ack, sorry. I'm admittedly not very good at plotting out formatting and such. I'll keep that in mind for future fics, though, so thanks!
(Unless, of course, you mean the bits where AO3 fucked up the formatting...I tried fixing that, but I don't think it stuck. FUCKING ARCHIVES HOW DO THEY WORK)
New to the thread but not really new to writing, so why not jump right in and have a second-person nightmare from a shell-shocked Wayward Vagabond?
You run through darkness and fire and death, stumbling barefoot across sand and glass and rusted barbed wire. You’re bleeding, drowning in blood but it’s not yours, it’s a river, and in the river bodies drift, friends and family and people you knew and trusted and people who trusted you, and you fall in. There is blood in your mouth and blood on your hands, and although you choke and struggle the current drags you down down down into screaming darkness.
Your feet touch bottom, and something explodes. You are hurled backward, tumbling limply across the invisible ground, you break in the force of the blast but your shattered bones congeal together again and you stagger up, gasping for breath with stabbing lungs. The ground is covered with bones and as you try to run you trip, and the bones are the ghosts of the people you killed and you only escape their grasping skeletal fingers by a hairsbreadth.
You don’t dare to look back, but over the pounding of your heart and the rush of your breath you hear them coming after you, the clatter of bones and the howling of dogs. They will catch you and tear you apart, wrap you in glass and wire so you can never escape again.
You trip, and fall to the ground with a panicked gasp, and you know you are lost, but when you stand there is a blade in your hand and you fight because you have to. They are not skeletons anymore. They are your friends, and as you kill them you see the hate and fear and betrayal on their faces, and you wonder what you must look like to them, battered and bloodstained and murderous. You wonder what your face is like. You think you are just as afraid as they are, and you want to stop but you can’t, if you stop fighting you’ll be taken
You stand in the middle of the battlefield surrounded by the bodies of your friends, and you sink to your knees and sob. Your blade is red and dripping and the ground is blood-mud, and it sucks at your legs and drags you down into the earth, past stone and metal and the bones of great dead beasts. You pass through the fire at the center of the earth and your flesh is burned away and you are a soul, clear and fluid and crystalline, and for a moment you are free.
Then you are wrapped in earth and mud and stone and spat out on the surface to begin again.
I'd like some critique on it, because this is the first time I've really tried writing something grimdark and not full of horrendous nightmare clichés.
Is it okay to post something both here and in Critique? cos I think I might do that, if it's not too tacky... I don't know. /bad at social conventions
New to the thread but not really new to writing, so why not jump right in and have a second-person nightmare from a shell-shocked Wayward Vagabond?
You run through darkness and fire and death, stumbling barefoot across sand and glass and rusted barbed wire. You’re bleeding, drowning in blood but it’s not yours, it’s a river, and in the river bodies drift, friends and family and people you knew and trusted and people who trusted you, and you fall in. There is blood in your mouth and blood on your hands, and although you choke and struggle the current drags you down down down into screaming darkness.
Your feet touch bottom, and something explodes. You are hurled backward, tumbling limply across the invisible ground, you break in the force of the blast but your shattered bones congeal together again and you stagger up, gasping for breath with stabbing lungs. The ground is covered with bones and as you try to run you trip, and the bones are the ghosts of the people you killed and you only escape their grasping skeletal fingers by a hairsbreadth.
You don’t dare to look back, but over the pounding of your heart and the rush of your breath you hear them coming after you, the clatter of bones and the howling of dogs. They will catch you and tear you apart, wrap you in glass and wire so you can never escape again.
You trip, and fall to the ground with a panicked gasp, and you know you are lost, but when you stand there is a blade in your hand and you fight because you have to. They are not skeletons anymore. They are your friends, and as you kill them you see the hate and fear and betrayal on their faces, and you wonder what you must look like to them, battered and bloodstained and murderous. You wonder what your face is like. You think you are just as afraid as they are, and you want to stop but you can’t, if you stop fighting you’ll be taken
You stand in the middle of the battlefield surrounded by the bodies of your friends, and you sink to your knees and sob. Your blade is red and dripping and the ground is blood-mud, and it sucks at your legs and drags you down into the earth, past stone and metal and the bones of great dead beasts. You pass through the fire at the center of the earth and your flesh is burned away and you are a soul, clear and fluid and crystalline, and for a moment you are free.
Then you are wrapped in earth and mud and stone and spat out on the surface to begin again.
I'd like some critique on it, because this is the first time I've really tried writing something grimdark and not full of horrendous nightmare clichés.
Is it okay to post something both here and in Critique? cos I think I might do that, if it's not too tacky... I don't know. /bad at social conventions
I really like it! I wish you didn't start nearly all your sentences with "you" but that's just me. :>
Another installment of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. In which Terezi plans a party, Karkat guilts Gamzee into breaking several laws, and Vriska acts like... well, Vriska.
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with adiosToreador [AT] --
-- waiting for adiosToreador [AT] --
AG: Come on come on come on come on c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon
-- adiosToreador [AT] joined private chat --
AT: hI VRISKA,
AG: You're alive!!!!!!!! ::::D
AT: yEAH,
AT: i AM, }:)
AG: Whoa, what's this? Civility???????? And a little smiley face and everything?
AG: Wow, way to 8e the first person in weeeeeeeeks not to treat me like shit.
AT: oH, wELL, i'M SORRY THAT PEOPLE ARE TREATING YOU LIKE THAT,
AT: i TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GOING TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE EITHER,
AT: bUT I DON'T THINK I CAN BE MAD AT ANYBODY, rIGHT NOW,
AT: oN ACCOUNT OF HOW I AM STANDING AT MY COMPUTER
AT: oN MY LEGS,
AT: }:)
AG: That's gr8 Tavros.
AT: yES, iT'S VERY GR8, aND ALSO GREAT,
AT: eVEN THOUGH IT'S GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO GET USED TO SEEING ALL THE METAL PARTS THAT ARE, sORT OF REENFORCING EVERYTHING,
AT: tHEY ARE STILL MY LEGS
AT: aND I CAN MOVE THEM,
AG: I 8et they look really cool. And hey, we'll sort of match now!
AT: i DIDN'T THINK OF THAT, bUT, uHH, sORT OF,
AG: Soooooooo you've tested them out already? Actually walked around and stuff?
AT: yEAH,
AG: Wow, you recovered fast! Wasn't your surgery only a couple nights ago?
AT: yES, tHE MEDILIQUIDATOR SAID NOT TO STRAIN MYSELF, fOR A WHILE,
AT: bUT THEN MY SQUAD LEADER TOLD ME TO SUCK IT UP, aND, uHH, sTOP BEING A PANSY,
AT: aND I FIGURED HE WAS PROBABLY RIGHT,
AG: No kidding. You're made of tougher stuff than that!!!!!!!!
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF A WEIRD THING TO HEAR, cOMING FROM YOU,
AT: bUT THANKS?
AG: I totally mean it though. I only push you all the time 8ecause I know you of all people can take it. You're super tough!
AT: oK, nOW IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME,
AT: oR BUILDING UP TO A JOKE, oR SOMETHING,
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????
AG: I wouldn't do that when a good friend of mine almost died! This is super serious non-joking time.
AT: i DON'T THINK I REALLY BELIEVE THAT,
AG: >::::/
AG: May8e I'm just happy you're alive.
AG: That's allowed, isn't it? To just 8e glad a guy's alive after major surgery? Maaaaaaaay8e I just felt really 8ad a8out all the crap I'm always saying to you. And I wanted to make it right!
AT: uH,
AG: You're gonna die way 8efore me anyway, right? I don't want the last thing I say to you to 8e something mean!
AT: sOMETHING MEAN LIKE,
AT: hYPOTHETICALLY,
AT: aDIOS, tOREASNORE,
AG: That was different! I was young and stupid and I didn't know what I was doing.
AG: I've done a loooooooot of growing up since then.
AT: sOMETIMES, uH, iT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE IT,
AG: AAAAAAAAUGH, I'm just trying to 8e nice to you for once!!!!!!!!
AG: So shut up and take your compliments like a man.
AG: A 8ig tough handsome tooooooootally not paralyzed confident successful man.
AT: uUHHHHHH,,,,,
AG: Listen, I would have felt really terri8le if you died on us.
AG: Especially 8ecause it was kind of my fault! If I hadn't made you a useless cripple this wouldn't have even 8een a pro8lem.
AG: Look at me, 8eing a 8ig girl and owning up to my mistakes like that.
AG: The whole time you were in surgery I was totally freaking out! Ask Karkat, he'll tell you. I was a mess.
AG: And all I could think a8out was how much of a huuuuuuuuge 8itch I was to you when we were kids. And how I sort of still am?
AG: 8ut it's not 8ecause I h8 you.
AG: I actually really like you! I think I act like that 8ecause it gets your attention.
AT: wHOA,
AT: oK,
AT: i'M, nOT REALLY SURE HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT,
AG: I guess you don't really have to. It was just sort of something I thought you should know.
AG: Remem8er that message I sent you right 8efore recruitment?
AT: tHE ONE WHERE YOU SAID I WAS GOING TO GET CULLED?
AG: The one where I said I loved you, you dope!
AT: oH,
AG: Don't tell me you thought thaaaaaaaat was a joke too????????
AT: sORRY,
AT: iT JUST, sEEMED LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY, bECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY,
AG: I was 8eing serious!!!!!!!!
AG: I really reeeeeeeeally like you, Tavros. You're smart and fun and cre8tive.
AG: And totally completely pitiful!
AT: yOU, pITY ME,
AG: Yeeeeeeeeah!!!!!!!!
AG: It's pathetic, how you were trapped in that chair for so long, and how you're always letting people walk all over you and you could 8e so much stronger if you weren't such a wimp a8out it. I pity you for that!
AT: wOW,
AT: uH,
AG: Weeeeeeeell????????
AG: Say something! I've 8een 8la88ing and 8la88ing all this time and you're just stammering like that! How am I supposed to know what you think?
AG: Did I just creep you out?
AT: i THINK,
AT: tHAT I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I THINK?
AG: ::::?
AT: iT'S JUST THAT NO ONE'S EVER SAID THEY PITY ME BEFORE, aND WAS SERIOUS ABOUT IT,
AT: bUT I'M, uHH, nOT CREEPED OUT,
AT: bECAUSE IF THAT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT, tHEN IT WAS REALLY SWEET,
AT: pROBABLY THE SWEETEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY,
AG: ::::)
AG: Soooooooo........
AG: Is there anything you pity a8out me?
AT: wHOA, wHAT,
AG: Come oooooooon, Tavros. One 8ig soulful confession deserves another, right?
AG: I'd sure feel stupid if I said all that stuff and you didn't like me 8ack. Don't 8e a wimpy wimpy wimp, you don't have to 8e scared to tell me. I 8n't judging!
AT: oH, wELL, i GUESS,,,
AT: i SORT OF PITY, hOW YOU LOST YOUR ARM AND YOUR EYE,
AT: tHAT'S SOMETHING I CAN RELATE TO, aND I KNOW HOW HARD IT CAN MAKE THINGS,
AT: eVEN THOUGH YOU GOT A NEW ARM IT WASN'T AN EASY THING TO GO THROUGH,
AG: Hey, yeah! That's a gr8 thing to pity. You have good taste.
AT: aND, iT'S KIND OF PITIFUL THAT YOU HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME MAKING FRIENDS, oR KEEPING THEM,
AT: bECAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO NOT ACT, uHH, tHE WAY YOU ACT,
AG: I take it 8ack, your taste sucks. Go 8ack to the arm thing.
AT: sORRY,
AT: i DIDN'T KNOW PITY WAS A THING YOU COULD PICK AND CHOOSE,
AG: Woooooooow, was that sarcasm?
AT: yEAH, sORRY,
AG: Stop saying sorry!!!!!!!! It makes you look like a whiny little gru8 instead of the tough guy I know you are.
AG: If I pity you and you pity me, there's only one thing to do! :::;)
AT: oH NO,
AG: We should 8e m8sprits! We're peeeeeeeerfect for each other!
AT: uHHHH, vRISKA,
AT: tHIS IS KIND OF, uH, COMING OUT OF NOWHERE,
AT: aND, i DON'T REALLY PITY YOU, tHAT MUCH,
AT: oR IN THE WAY I THINK YOU MAYBE WANT ME TO,
AG: 8ut you pity me more than you pity any8ody else, riiiiiiiight? That's what really counts!
AT: bUT,
AG: So if we pity each other it's stupid not to 8e in a quadrant! It's like we're lying to every8ody, pretending we don't like each other like we're still three sweeps old.
AT: uHH,
AG: I'm not gonna manipul8 you into 8eing my m8sprit or anything. Like I said, I've done a lot of growing up.
AG: 8ut I think you really do like me, you just don't want to admit it to any8ody. Not even yourself!
AG: Trust me, I'm heeeeeeeelping you 8y making you face your feelings like this.
AT: uHHHHHHH,
AG: Ugh, you stupid wishy-washy weaky weak wriggler!!!!!!!!
AG: And I mean that in the most endearing way ever!
AG: I just toooooooold you I'm not gonna force you into anything! All I want to do is try it out for a little 8it. If it doesn't work out then we'll know it wasn't serendipity and we can just go our separ8 ways. I won't even 8e mad!
AG: 8ut I really want a chance to 8e a good m8sprit and make things up to you!!!!!!!!
AG: No8ody's ever given me a chance like that.
AG: So while you're standing there on your 8rand new reenforced legs, pro8a8ly grinning like an idiot and appreeeeeeeeciating your second chance at life, may8e you could have it in your vascular pump to give me a second chance too.
AG: So what'll it 8e?
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --
AG: Oh, he was going to say fuck no, was he?
AG: Well I have some crazy news for you, Vantas the Quadrantless. You don't know shit a8out romance.
AG: He fell for that so8 story like a sucker. Hook, line, and sinker. >::::)
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] closed private chat --
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --
GC: GU3SS WH4T
GC: YOU 4R3 CORD14LLY 1NV1T3D TO L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3S GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3 4FT3RP4RTY SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4 >:] >:] >:]
GC: WH1CH N4TUR4LLY 1S TO B3 H3LD ON TH3 GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3
GC: TH4TS N3XT MOND4Y.
GC: 1N C4S3 YOU W3R3NT 4W4R3.
CG: NO, REALLY??? HOLY FUCK, I HAD NO IDEA!!!
CG: EXCEPT, WAIT, YES I DID, AND THIS CONVERSATION IS COMPLETELY REDUNDANT BECAUSE YOU ALREADY SENT ME AN INVITATION IN THE MAIL.
CG: THANKS FOR ADDRESSING IT TO THRESHECUTIONER BANANAMAN BY THE WAY, EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST HILARIOUS.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GC: W3LL TH3Y KN3W 3X4CTLY WHO 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT D1DNT TH3Y?
CG: OH YES.
CG: AND YET FUNNY THING, THAT LETTER MUST HAVE GONE THROUGH AT LEAST THIRTY GRUBBY, SNOOPING HANDS BEFORE I COULD GET AHOLD OF IT.
CG: I HAD TO HIT A GUY WITH A CHAIR, TEREZI. A FUCKING CHAIR. AND HE WENT DOWN STILL LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF.
GC: SOUNDS L1K3 FUN
CG: MY SQUAD IS GOING TO CALL ME BANANAMAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THAT IS JUST SO SPECTACULAR, THAT THIS IS THE NICKNAME I ENDED UP SADDLED WITH.
GC: BL444R, YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DR4M4 LL4M4B34ST K4RKL3S
GC: 1 G3T 4 N3W N1CKN4M3 3V3RY W33K 1F 1TS TH4T B1G 4 D34L JUST DO SOM3TH1NG B4D4SS 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL FORG3T 4BOUT TH3 B4N4N4 TH1NG 4ND C4LL YOU SOM3TH1NG 3LS3
GC: TH4T SHOULD B3 34SY FOR YOU R1111GHT?? >;]
CG: WELL YEAH, OF COURSE IT WILL.
CG: YOU'RE JUST NOT MAKING MY LIFE ANY EASIER OVER HERE.
GC: 1 W4S JUST H4V1NG 4 L1TTL3 FUN K4RK4T DONT B3 4 S1SSY
GC: 4NYW4Y 1 TH1NK YOU D3S3RV3D 4 L1TTL3 TORM3NT FOR WH4T YOU D1D TO POOR SOLLUX 4ND H1S CH4T PROGR4M.
GC: CONS1D3R TH1S SH4M3FUL N1CKN4M3 YOUR P3N4NC3!!
CG: OH RIGHT, OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE ON THE HEELS OF KARMA, JUST WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO FUCK US ALL OVER.
GC: NOT K4RM4
GC: JUST1C3!!
GC: 1T 1S FOR JUST1C3 TH4T 1 FUCK YOU 4LL OV3R
GC: BUT K4RK4T YOU H4V3 NOT RSVPD TO MY HUM1L14T1NG 1NV1T4T1ON
GC: 4R3 YOU COM1NG TO TH3 SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4 >:?
CG: YOU DIDN'T EVEN PUT THE TIME AND PLACE ON THE INVITATION.
CG: OR HELL, MAYBE YOU DID AND I JUST MISSED IT BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS IN FUCKING NUMBERS.
GC: W3LL OF COURS3 NOT
GC: 1T W4S 4 PR3C4UT1ON 1N C4S3 MY L3TT3R F3LL 1NTO TH3 WRONG H4NDS
CG: YOU WROTE "TO THR3SH3CUT1ON3R B4N4N4M4N <3 <3 <3" ON THE FRONT IN RED GLITTER, OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO FALL INTO THE WRONG HANDS.
GC: H4H4H4H4
CG: AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, NO I AM NOT COMING TO THE SHINDIG PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA WHATEVER-THE-FUCK-YOU'RE-CALLING-IT.
CG: I'M STILL IN TRAINING. I WON'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO EARN SOME LEAVE UNTIL I'M STATIONED ON 1025, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN JUST DUCK OUT FOR THE NIGHT AND FLY HALFWAY ACROSS THE GALAXY TO CELEBRATE
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN CELEBRATING, ANYWAY?
GC: >:O
GC: MY C4S3 STUP1D!!! MY B1G 1MPORT4NT F1RST C4S3 3V3R TH4T 1S SUR3 TO SH4P3 MY C4R33R FOR SW33PS TO COM3
GC: 1T 1S H4PP3N1NG TH1S MOND4Y 4ND FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON W3 4R3 4LL M33T1NG UP ON FOLDSP4C3 SO YOU WOULDNT H4V3 TO TR4V3L 4NYWH3R3
GC: 1M JUST 4SK1NG YOU TO B3 1N 4 CH4TROOM 4T 4 C3RT41N T1M3 1S TH4T SO H4RD??
GC: 4444HRG K4RK4T HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW SOMETH1NG L1K3 TH4T???
CG: WELL NOBODY TOLD ME!
CG: YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME FOR NOT SPONTANEOUSLY DEVELOPING THE ABILITY TO READ THE SPASTIC UNDERCCURRENTS OF YOUR SHITHIVE MIND.
GC: HUH
GC: W3LL TH4T 1S UN3XP3CT3D! 1 THOUGHT FOR SUR3 G4MZ33 OR N3P3T4 WOULD L3T YOU KNOW
CG: I NEVER TALK TO NEPETA, AND GAMZEE HASN'T BEEN ONLINE SINCE THE FOLDSPACE DEBACLE.
CG: NOT THAT I CARE. HE'S PROBABLY HAVING FAR TOO MUCH FUN GUZZLING MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES WITH HIS NEW MURDERCLOWN FRIENDS. OR MAYBE HE FORGOT THE INTERNET EXISTED, IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.
GC: W3LL 1 C4NT SP34K FOR TH3 M1ND 4LT3R1NG SUBST4NC3S BUT 1 KNOW H3 1S NOT BUSY W1TH H1S MURD3RCLOWN FR13NDS
GC: S331NG 4S L4T3LY H3 H4S B33N SP3ND1NG MOR3 T1M3 ON MY SH1P TH4N H1S!
CG: WHY'S HE ON YOUR SHIP?
GC: 1 H4V3 SN4TCH3D H1M UP TO B3 MY 3X3CUT1ON3R OF COURS3
GC: G4MZ3RZ 4ND 1 4R3 4 MOTH3RFUCK1NG M1R4CL3 T34M FOR GR34T JUST1C3
GC: NO CR1M3 HOW3V3R SM4LL W1LL P4SS UNNOT1C3D B3N34TH OUR W4TCHFUL NOS3S >:D
CG: OH MY GOD.
GC: (TH4T W4S OUR B4TTL3 CRY)
CG: THAT WAS THE MOST PAINFULLY AWKWARD EXCUSE FOR A CALL TO ARMS I'VE EVER HEARD. IT SUITS YOU TWO PERFECTLY.
GC: N4TUR4LLY
GC: H3 H4S B33N H3LP1NG M3 PR3P4R3 MY OP3N1NG ST4T3M3NT 4ND R1GHT NOW H3 1S ORG4N1Z1NG MY 3V1D3NC3 1NTO P1L3S BY COLOR
GC: WH1CH 1 D1DNT 4CTUALLY T3LL H1M TO DO BUT WH4T3V3R.
CG: WAIT, HE'S OVER THERE RIGHT NOW? LIKE, HE'S ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY IN YOUR RESPITBLOCK?
GC: Y3S
GC: H3 S4YS H1
CG: WELL CAN YOU PUT HIM ON?
GC: H3H3H3 WHY K4RK4T 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D YOU D1DNT C4R3???
CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT. WHY WOULD I GIVE A SHIT THAT NONE OF MY FRIENDS WANT TO PUT ANY EFFORT INTO STAYING IN CONTACT WITH ME?
CG: FIRST SOLLUX AND NOW GAMZEE, FUCKING HELL PEOPLE.
GC: 4W K4RK4T 4T L34ST YOUV3 ST1LL GOT ON3 GOOD FR13ND
GC: WHO GO3S OUT OF H3R W4Y TO S3ND YOU L3TT3RS D3COR4T3D MOST D3L1C1OUSLY 1N TH3 B3ST OF COLORS
CG: UGH
CG: FOR THE RECORD I HAVE SOMETHING VITALLY IMPORTANT TO ASK HIM. LIVES LITERALLY DEPEND ON IT.
GC: SUR3 TH3Y DO >;]
GC: 4DM1T 1T YOU W3R3 JUST WORR13D W3R3NT YOU
GC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3 4DOR4BL3!
CG: TEREZI.
CG: GIVE GAMZEE THE GODDAMN GRUBTOP SO I CAN VERBALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.
GC: F1RST T3LL M3 1F YOUR3 COM1NG TO L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3S GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3 4FT3RP4RTY SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4
CG: FINE. FUCKING FINE, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
CG: THANKS FOR THE LETTER, I HOPE YOUR TRIAL GOES TO SHIT.
GC: 444444W LOV3 YOU TOO K4RK4T
GC: 1LL GO G3T G4MZ33 SO YOU C4N V3RB4LLY B34T TH3 SH1T OUT OF H1M
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --
TC: HoNk hOnK. :o)
CG: YEAH, HONK HONK TO YOU TOO, ASSHOLE. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?
CG: I'VE HAD SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO ASK YOU AND YOU'VE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION.
TC: ShIt hOw dO I ChAnGe tHe cOlOr
CG: WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT.
TC: wAiT
TC: FuCk, HoLd oN
CG: GOD DAMMNIT GAMZEE.
TC: UuUuUuUh
CG: THAT'S EQUIUS YOU MORON. INDIGO. YOU'RE INDIGO.
TC: OkAy yEaH I KnEw tHaT. iNdIgO'S LiKe mOtHeRfUcKiN PuRpLe, RiGhT?
TC: aIgHt, I FoUnD It.
TC: SoRrY BrO ThErE Is jUsT A LoT Of mOtHeRfUcKiN SpIt oN ThIs sCrEen. MaKeS It kInDa hArD To sEe wHaT AlL I'M DoInG.
CG: ........
CG: EW.
TC: So wHaT WaS It yOu wAs aLl gEtTiN YoUr wOrD BeAtDoWn oN AbOuT?
TC: HaHa sHiIiIt, HoW CaN YoU EvEn dO No bEaTdOwN WiTh wOrDs? Is tHaT LiKe hOw sLaM PoEtRy wOrKs, StIcKs aNd sToNeS AnD AlL ThAt?
TC: NaH ThAt aIn't iT.
CG: OKAY, HOWEVER MUCH PIE YOU'RE ON RIGHT NOW IS FAR TOO MUCH.
CG: LET ME JUST MAKE YOU AWARE OF THAT.
TC: If yOu sAy sO BrO
CG: I SAY SO.
CG: NOW CAN WE GET BACK TO THE PRESSING ISSUE HERE?
CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?
CG: START EXPLAINING, OR YOU CAN BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE UNSTOPPABLE TORRENT OF FUCK YOU THAT'S BEEN BUILDING UP BEHIND MY EYEBALLS LIKE THE WRATH OF A SKULKING GODZILLA.
TC: AiGht aIgHt cHiLl kArKaT!
TC: GeT ThAt wRaThFuL RePtIlE To cAlM HiS TiTs, I'M GeTtIn mY ExPlAiN On.
TC: SeE WhAt uP AnD HaPpEnEd wAs tHiS MoThErFuCkEr jUsT SoRtA GoT HiMsElF In sOmE ShIt wItH ThE PoWeRs tHaT Be
TC: AnD I GoT My cOmPuTeR PrIvIlEgEs rEvOkEd oVeR On tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl's nEtWoRk.
TC: BuUuUuUt iT'S AlL GoOd, It'lL WoRk iTsElF OuT.
CG: OH THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY OWN YOUR OWN COMPUTER, DO YOU?
CG: STILL GAMZEE, HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? WHAT DID YOU DO, PAINT RAINBOWS ALL OVER THE CONSECRATED STATUE OF BOZO THE FUCKING JESTERSAINT?
TC: NaAah mAn sAiNt bOzO AlReAdY GoT RaInBoWs aLl oVeR HiM.
CG: HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A REAL THING.
TC: It aIn't sO MuCh wHaT I DiD As wHaT I DiDn't dO, yOu kNoW?
TC: SeE SuBdEaCoN PaYaSo, He's iN ChArGe oF ThE AcOlYtEs
TC: He dOn't lIkE It wHeN I JuSt cHiLl gEtTiN My aPpReCiAtE On oF ThE MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLe oF LiFe. SaYs i gOtTa sTaRt aCtIn lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr lIkE Me aUgHtA AcT. kIlL Me sOmE BiTcHeS.
TC: BuT PeOpLe bEeN TeLlIn mE ThAt fOr sWeEpS AnYwAy, I DoN'T CaRe, FuCk hIm. HaHaHa hOoOoOnK.
TC: So aFtEr i tOlD HiM ThAt
CG: OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT
TC: He cOrReCtEd mE WiTh tHe hOlY ClUb oF MiLd cOrReCtIoN
TC: AaAaAaAnD NoW I AiN'T GoT No cOmPuTeR PrIvIlEgEs. :o/
CG: HE HIT YOU WITH A FUCKING CLUB? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MOUTH OFF TO HIM LIKE THAT, SHIT GAMZEE!
TC: wElL It wAs jUsT ThE ClUb oF MiLd cOrReCtIoN, aIn't lIkE It wAs tHe oNe wItH SpIkEs iN It oR NoThIn.
CG: OH MY GOD
TC: KaRkAt bRo iT WeReN'T ThAt bAd. SlAm bAcK A BeVeRaGe oR SoMeShIt, YoU NeEd tO StRaIgHt uP UnBeNd, MaN.
TC: YoU WaNt mE To kIlL Me sOmE BiTcHeS?
CG: I'D KIND OF LIKE IT IF YOU GOT UP OFF YOUR STONED ASS ONCE IN A WHILE AND PUT FORTH THE EFFORT REQUIRED TO NOT GET CULLED FOR BEING FUCKING TERRIBLE AT YOUR CHOSEN CAREER, YEAH.
TC: I KeEp tElLiNg eVeRyBoDy kArKaT It cHoSe mE
TC: BuT MaAaAn pAyAsO'D FiNd sOmEtHiN To aLl rAg oN AbOuT AnYwAy.
TC: SuBjUgGlAtOrS ArE CrAzY MaD As ShIt, It's jUsT HoW We gEt dOwN. aIn't lIkE ThE ThReShEcUtIoNeRs aRe aNy dIfFeReNt.
CG: OK, YEAH, I KNOW.
CG: BUT GOD DAMNIT GAMZEE, KEEP YOUR FUCKING PROTEIN CHUTE SHUT FROM NOW ON. EVERY TIME YOU TALK IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEGGING TO BE CULLED FOR HAVING NO DISCERNMENT WHATSOEVER.
TC: CaN Do, BeSt fRiEnD
CG: SO WHEN CAN YOU GET BACK ONLINE?
CG: LIKE I SAID, I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING AND I REALLY DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING IT WHILE YOU'RE ON TEREZI'S COMPUTER.
CG: ALSO, TAVROS HAS BEEN PESTERING THE SHIT OUT OF ME TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU. I SWEAR I COULD JUST ABOUT MURDER THE COMMON COMMA.
TC: HaHaHa
TC: YoU TeLl mY MaIn mAn i'lL Be bAcK AfTeR ThE TrIaL.
TC: gUeSs tHiS WiCkEd uNjUsT MoThErFuCkEr wHaT TeReZi wAnTs mE To cUlL Is a bIg aLl mOtHeRfUcKiN DeAl? PaYaSo's gOnNa lAy oFf.
TC: I PuT On a gOoD EnOuGh sHoW, bRoThEr'lL PrObAbLy eVeN FoRgEt aLl tHaT OtHeR StUfF He wAs gEtTiN HiS HaRsH On aBoUt aT Me.
CG: I GUESS THAT'S A RELIEF.
TC: So hOw's tAv?
CG: LAST I HEARD FROM HIM HE SEEMED OK. SO FUCKING HIGH ON LIFE IT WAS LIKE TALKING TO YOU, BUT OK.
CG: THE PROSTHETICS WERE A HIT, BASICALLY.
TC: WeLl pRaIsE ThE MeSsIaHs bRo.
TC: hOnK HoOoOnK.
CG: YEAH, SURE, PRAISE BE TO THE CLOWNS. LISTEN GAMZEE. IS TEREZI READING OVER YOUR SHOULDER OR ANYTHING?
TC: NaH, sHe's oVeR At hEr dEsK WrItIn sHiT DoWn.
TC: SiStEr's rEaL MoThErFuCkIn cUtE WhEn sHe cOnCeNtRaTeS LiKe tHaT
TC: KiNdA StIcKs HeR ToNgUe oUt lIkE
TC: FuUuUcK, a lItTlE GeCkO Or sOmEtHiNg hAhA HoNk
CG: GAMZEE.
CG: GAMZEE FOCUS.
TC: RiGhT SoRrY
CG: SO I CAN'T TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE UNTIL MONDAY NIGHT.
CG: I DON'T THINK I HAVE THAT LONG, SO...
CG: OK FUCK, CAN YOU DELETE THIS CHAT FROM TEREZI'S LOGS WHEN WE'RE DONE HERE?
CG: I DON'T MEAN JUST EXIT OUT OF THE WINDOW, I MEAN SERIOUS EXCAVATION AND DEMOLITION. SHE CAN NEVER EVER FIND THIS.
TC: UuUuUh
TC: I GuEsS So?
CG: THIS IS STUPID, WHY AM I ASKING YOU ABOUT THIS ON HER COMPUTER?
CG: OK, THIS CAN'T WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE TRIAL, IT REALLY CAN'T.
CG: I'M RUNNING OUT OF THAT STUFF YOU BOUGHT ME.
TC: WhAt sTuFf?
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK NO, I AM NOT TYPING THIS OUT WHILE YOU'RE SITTING IN THE SAME ROOM AS TEREZI JUSTICE-CRAZED PYROPE.
CG: THAT FUCKING STUFF, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.
TC: oOoOoOh!
TC: YeAh kArKaT, dIdN'T YoU TeLl mE To uP AnD FoRgEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn cOnVeRsAtIoN EvEr hApPeNeD?
CG: WELL WE'RE TAKING A FIVE MINUTE BREAK FROM FORGETTING, SO GO AHEAD AND REMEMBER THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.
CG: DO YOU THINK YOU CAN
CG: I DUNNO, GET ME SOME MORE?
CG: I MEAN OUT HERE IN THE EMPIRE I COULD PROBABLY FIND A DEALER, BUT THAT'S KIND OF A TERRIFYING THOUGHT.
TC: I DoN'T KnOw...
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW.
TC: I DoN'T KnOw!
CG: NO, NO, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW??
TC: I SoRtA BeEn dOiNg mY ReSeArCh. ThIs cRiMiNaL TeReZi's aLl sTeAmEd aT? hE WaS On cHrOmOmInE.
TC: I MeAn oN ThAt sTuFf wE AiN'T MeNtIoNiN By nAmE AlL On aCcOuNt oF TeReZi bEiNg aRoUnD.
CG: WELL THAT PLAN JUST HIT THE THRESHER, DIDN'T IT.
TC: SoOoOoOrRy bRo
TC: BuT He wAs oN ThAt sTuFf. So hE CoUlD PrEtEnD To bE A FiShBrOtHeR.
CG: SO WHAT?
TC: So sAy wHaT YoU WaNt aBoUt sOpOr mAn bUt aT LeAsT ThAt sHiT'S MoThErFuCkIn lEgAl!
TC: YoU DiDn't tElL WhAt tHiS WaS YoU WeRe aLl gEtTiN InTo! MoThErFuCkIn lEfT Me iN ThE DaRk oN ThAt sHiT!
TC: YoU CoUlD GeT CuLlEd, BrOtHeR! dAaAaMn, If i wAs aNy kInD Of dEcEnT LaUgHsAsSiN I'D CuLl yOu mYsElF! i cAn't gEt yOu nO MoRe.
CG: NO
TC: I MoThErFuCkIn wOn't gEt yOu nO MoRe.
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO GAMZEE NO
CG: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I NEED THIS. I FUCKING NEED THIS. I CAN'T GO BACK NOW, MY OFFICIAL RECORDS ALREADY SAY I'M A YELLOWBLOOD.
CG: IF I GET STABBED IN TRAINING ONE NIGHT AND BLEED ANYTHING OTHER THAN BANANA YELLOW-GREEN I WILL BE CULLED.
CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO BE CULLED, GAMZEE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??
TC: nO
CG: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE EFFECTIVELY DOING HERE.
TC: No nO No kArKaT I DoN'T WaNt tHaT No
CG: YOU'RE CULLING ME. YOU ARE FUCKING CULLING ME.
TC: FUCK SHIT OKAY
TC: ShIt, OkAy.
TC: LeT'S JaW AbOuT ThIs. We cAn mOtHeRfUcKiNg jAw aBoUt tHiS.
CG: ALRIGHT.
TC: AiGhT.
TC: JuSt
TC: wE CaN Up aNd bE FiGuRiN ThIs oUt.
CG: I JUST NEED A LEGAL WAY TO DO THIS.
CG: AND IT IS LEGAL, MAN. AS LONG AS YOU'RE THE ONE BUYING IT, I'M NOT TECHNICALLY BREAKING ANY LAWS.
TC: ExCePt fOr yOu'rE LyInG AbOuT YoUr bLoOd cOlOr. :o(
CG: NO, SEE, THAT'S NOT LYING. THAT'S FAILING TO FIX A CLERICAL ERROR ON MY PAPERWORK.
CG: NOT MY FAULT IF THE RECRUITINATOR WROTE DOWN THE WRONG COLOR, RIGHT?
TC: i gUeSs i cAn bE DoWn wItH ThAt.
TC: BuT ShIiIt kArKaT, hOw'd yOu rUn aLl oUt aLrEaDy? ThErE WaS A LoT Of pIlLs iN ThAt cLiNkY LiTtLe bOtTlE.
TC: HoW MuCh dId yOu tAkE?
CG: JUST A PILL A NIGHT, UNLIKE YOU I'M NOT FUCKING BRAINDEAD.
CG: THEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE LASTED LONGER IF I HADN'T LOST IT LIKE A WRIGGLER AND TAKEN SO MANY BEFORE RECRUITMENT.
CG: THAT WAS A STUPID THING TO DO, I ADMIT. I WAS SHAKING SO BADLY I COULD BARELY DO THE TRIALS, I GUESS I'M JUST LUCKY THAT SOLLUX TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS NERVES.
TC: YoU'Re lUcKy yOu aIn't dEaD.
CG: DON'T.
CG: YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I NEED TO HEAR THIS LECTURE FROM. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE SOBER?
TC: UuUuUuUh
CG: EXACTLY.
CG: JUST GET ME MORE, ALRIGHT? AND WHEN YOU MAIL IT, DON'T PUT MY NAME ON THE PACKAGE. TEREZI RECENTLY TAUGHT ME A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT THE SAD LACK OF POSTAL PRIVACY AROUND HERE.
CG: IF SOMEBODY ELSE GETS THEIR CLAMMY SNATCH DIGITS ON IT FIRST I'LL NEED SOME PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.
CG: FUCKING BLUEBLOODS.
TC: YeAH
TC: LoOk tHiS
TC: ThIs aIn't cHiLl.
TC: I'Ll gEt yOu oNe mOrE BoTtLe bUt tHaT'S GoTtA Be tHe fUcKiN EnD Of iT.
TC: I DoN'T WaNnA SeE A BrO GeT MeSsEd uP LiKe
TC: I JuSt dOn't wAnNa sEe yOu gEt mEsSeD Up, YoU KnOw?
CG: I GET IT, GAMZEE.
CG: I JUST NEED TO GET THROUGH TRAINING. ONCE I'M STATIONED IN THE 1025 BARRACKS I WON'T BE SPARRING ALL THE TIME AND I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE SEEING ME BLEED.
CG: THEN I'M DONE. I SWEAR.
TC: BiTcHiN. :o)
TC: Oh fUuUuUcK
CG: WHAT?
TC: TeReZi's lOoKiNg aT Me.
TC: Or uH
TC: SnIfFiNg aT Me, HaHa hOnK
TC: WhAt iF ShE WaNtS HeR GrUbToP BaCk?
CG: ACT CASUAL.
CG: JUST ACT SO FUCKING NONCHALANT YOU COULD MELT INTO A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR, BUT DO NOT GIVE HER THE GRUBTOP.
CG: YOU NEED TO DELETE THIS CONVERSATION LOG.
TC: AiGhT, ThAt's cOoL. hOw dO I Do tHaT?
TC: ShE'S WaLkInG OvEr mAn sHe iS MoThErFuCkInG WaLkInG OvEr
CG: OK, ACT CASUAL, ACT CASUAL.
CG: FIND THE TAB IN THE FOLDSPACE MENU THAT SAYS "SAVED LOGS."
TC: HeY KaRkAt
TC: YoU EvEr nOtIcE HoW, lIkE, gIrLs' HiPs sOrTa gOt tHiS SwAY GoIn oN WhEn tHeY WaLk?
CG: OH FUCK, NOT THAT CASUAL.
TC: HoW CoMe gUyS' hIpS DoN'T Do tHaT? wHo uP AnD DeCiDeD ThE SiStErS GoTta hAvE A WaVy wAlK?
CG: GAMZEE DON'T SPACE OUT, YOU'RE SPACING OUT, THIS IS A REALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE TIME FOR YOU TO BE SPACING OUT.
TC: It's jUsT LiKe
CG: A MIRACLE, YES, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ACT OF CLOWN GOD.
CG: NOW GET YOUR COLANDER OF A FUCKING THINKPAN BACK HERE BEFORE TEREZI TAKES THE COMPUTER!!
TC: oH
TC: Oh yEaH YeAh sAvEd lOgS WhErE ThE FuCk Is sAvEd lOgS
TC: WaIt nO ShE'S
CG: GAMZEE?
-- terminallyCapricious [TC] changed their handle to gallowsCalibrator [GC] --
CG: WELL SHIT.
GC: SORRY K4RK4T 1 N33D3D TH3 COMPUT3R >:/
GC: YOU TWO H4V3 C3RT41NLY B33N T4LK1NG FOR 4 LONG T1M3
CG: HAHAHA, YEAH! YEAH WE HAVE!
CG: WE JUST HAD A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO, ABOUT, YOU KNOW, REALLY FUCKING PRIVATE AND PERSONAL STUFF THAT ONLY A COMPLETE BULGESUCKING NOOKSTAIN WOULD BE DISGUSTING ENOUGH TO MEDDLE IN.
GC: 1S TH4T SO >:] >:] >:]
GC: SO 1 PROB4BLY SHOULD NOT SCROLL UP 4ND T4K3 4 GOOD LONG L1CK OF TH1S OH-SO-PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ON
CG: NOPE THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT A THING YOU SHOULD DO
GC: R34LLY
CG: REALLY!
GC: K4RK4T YOU S33M T3NS3
CG: NO I'M NOT TENSE, I'M FINE, EVERYTHING IS FINE, EVERYTHING IS GREAT.
CG: I'M GREAT.
CG: YOU'RE GREAT.
CG: THE WORLD IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT RIGHT NOW.
CG: LET'S HAVE A LONG MEANDERING CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW GREAT EVERYTHING IS.
CG: HOW ABOUT JUSTICE? WE CAN TALK ABOUT JUSTICE!! JUSTICE IS GREAT!!!!!
GC: H3H3H3H3 W3LL 4S GR34T 4S JUST1C3 1S 1 F1ND YOUR SUDD3N 1NT3R3ST 1N 1T V3RY SUSP1C1OUS >:P
GC: OH G33Z3 HOLD ON G4MZ33S DO1NG SOM3TH1NG W31RD.
GC: BL4R, WH4T 1S H3
GC: PQG19[JUNF'ON
GC: IJFTVY
GC: [8u99999999999999999999999999999999999
-- gallowsCallibrator [GC]'s computer has been clubbed into scrap metal! --
CG: OH THANK CLOWN GOD.
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with centaursTesticle [CT] --
-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined private chat --
AG: Heeeeeeeey Equiuuuuuuuus.
AG: Guess what?
CT: D --> What
AG: I just got me a m8sprit.
AG: A totally handsome tough non-crippled m8sprit named Tavros Nitram.
CT: D --> Ick
CT: D --> Your obsession with pursuing these worthless lowb100ds is detestable as always
AG: Says the guy who's crushing hard on Aradia. You 8n't in no position to judge me!
CT: D --> That accusation is baseless slander
AG: Equius.
AG: You're not fooling anyone. Eeeeeeeeverybody knoooooooows.
AG: 8ut who cares a8out Aradia. Tavros and I are going to 8e the perfect fairytale m8sprits like in one of his crappy stories.
CT: D --> I doubt that
AG: >::::/
CT: D --> In all likelihood you will bicker e%cessively over pointless topics until one of you winds up dead
CT: D --> It's how your relationships tend to go
AG: Woooooooow, rude much?
AG: Tavros and I are in pity and we're a8solutely going to make this work. I don't remem8er it 8eing any of your 8usiness who I 8icker with!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> Ah
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Your bickering is
CT: D --> None of my business
AG: Man, what is with you lately?
CT: D --> There is nothing with me
AG: Ugh, whateeeeeeeever.
AG: I just thought I'd let you know so you can help spread the news around. I want every8ody to hear a8out this. Eeeeeeeeverybody!!!!!!!!
AG: You can tell Nepeta! I 8et she'll 8e scram8ling to get us all officialized on her wall.
CT: D --> Was that all you wanted
AG: So eager to get rid of me, huh? 8ut actually, no!
AG: The real reason I got ahold of you was to send you the latest version of the IG soundfile. I took out a 8unch more of the middle frequencies and I figured we could test it out.
CT: D --> E%cellent
AG: Eeeeeeeexcellent!
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] sent centaursTesticle [CT] the file: invertedglu8version35.mp3 --
CT: D --> I will begin activating the device immediately
AG: Oh hey, I've 8een meaning to ask you.
AG: How the heck are you getting away with making this thing in the middle of 8oot camp, anyway?
AG: If you're not 8eing careful we could 8oth end up waist deep in crap, you know!
CT: D --> I requested a small workspace adjacent to the metalshop, so that I could continue my roboti% work
CT: D --> It was intended that I share it with several other ruffiannihilators
CT: D --> But they informed me that I could have the space to myself
AG: Ahahahahahahahaha! I 8et they did, after they saw one of your sick ro8ot death matches. Way to chase them off!
CT: D --> I was actually just putting up some posters
AG: XXXXD
AG: Smooooooooth.
CT: D --> The IG's speakers are primed
CT: D --> I must point out that as we make changes to this file it effe% my level of the hemospectrum less and less
CT: D --> There is only so much longer I will make for a viable test subject
CT: D --> We are fast approaching the realm of guesswork
AG: I keep saying we should get Gamzee in here.
CT: D --> And I keep saying
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> We have no right to imperil his life, it is more valuable than ours
AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> You will stop asking
CT: D --> Before I run the audio file, tell me what to e%pect
AG: Oh, right.
AG: I think I've mostly knocked out our part of the hemospectrum. At this point we're reeeeeeeeally close to targeting nothing 8elow indigo.
AG: So if I did this right, which come on, of coooooooourse I did! You'll pro8a8ly just get a really nasty headache.
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> That's good, that's progressive to our goal
AG: Pfffffffft, yeah, sure.
CT: D --> What's that supposed to mean
AG: Just that it's no wonder you don't want to get another test su8ject! You're having too much fun taking it like a gross masochist.
CT: D --> I am not
AG: Yes you are.
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> I am doing my duty and you will act more professionally about it
CT: D --> Now be silent while I begin the test run
CT: D --> Oh goodness you were right about the headache
AG: Yeah, have fun with that "duty" you sicky sick sicko.
CT: D --> Some of those weren't even real words
AG: Admit it! You enjoy torturing yourself with this thing! You are soooooooo disgusting.
CT: D --> Do stop typing
CT: D --> This is
CT: D --> Painful enough without talking to you
AG: Admiiiiiiiit it.
AG: Say "I'm a sicky sick sickoooooooo!"
CT: D --> Are you
CT: D --> Seriously attempting to a%cess my head in the middle of a weapons test
CT: D --> Is that what you're doing right now
AG: Of course not. Why would I do that????????
CT: D --> You are
CT: D --> I can feel you
CT: D --> You are going to skew our test results with this f001ish game and you will cease at once
AG: Don't get all riled up, Sweatquius, I'm just messing around! If you get to have fun during these tests then I should get to have fun too.
CT: D --> Get out of my head
CT: D --> Your powers don't work on me and the fact that you are trying is infantile and stupid
AG: The fact that you're getting off on 8lasting yourself with a superweapon is infantile and stupid.
CT: D --> I am not
AG: Infantile and stupid and siiiiiiiick.
CT: D --> Stop
CT: D --> Wait
CT: D --> Wait, no, continue
AG: Um, what?
AG: Eeeeeeeew, now you're getting off on me 8eing grossed out 8y you getting off, aren't you!
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> Maybe
CT: D --> But I was referring to your mind powers
CT: D --> Are you still using them
AG: Yeah. Why?
CT: D --> It doesn't hurt anymore
AG: ::::?
CT: D --> The IG
CT: D --> From the moment you began trying to control me psionically
CT: D --> It stopped hurting
CT: D --> What did you do
AG: Nothing!
AG: Or uh, nothing different that usual? Just fidding around with your head like I always do to people.
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure you didn't just accidentally turn it off or something dum8 like that?
CT: D --> I am certain
AG: May8e you got sweat all over it and it shorted out.
CT: D --> The device is still running
CT: D --> Still broadcasting sound waves
AG: Wow, that's weeeeeeeeird! Lemme ditch your head and see what happens.
CT: D --> AH
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Yes It hinkwe can assume the variabl
CT: D --> Dashitall
CT: D --> The variable effecting things in this instance was your inf100ence
AG: Headache's 8ack?
CT: D --> With a vengeance
AG: Holy shit.
CT: D --> I am shutting down the IG
CT: D --> Do make an attempt to guard your filthy tongue
AG: No really, holy shit.
AG: I just nullified the Inverted Goddamn Glu8 with my 8rain!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> Don't flatter yourself
CT: D --> If I were to guess I'd say your pathetic attempt at manipulation disrupted the signal
CT: D --> I don't know how or to what e%tent
CT: D --> I'm not even sure if that's what happened
AG: 8ut if that iiiiiiiis what happened, do you know what this means????????
CT: D --> No
AG: Me neither!
AG: 8ut it's pro8a8ly something 8ig?
AG: Oh man, do you think we can figure out what the heck that was and use it to insul8 Eridan and Feferi?
AG: That way we wouldn't have to narrow it down to the Empress's 8lood color, we could just pooooooooint and shoooooooot!
CT: D --> I think
CT: D --> Oh goodness yes
AG: Yeeeeeeees?
CT: D --> The idea has a surprising amount of potential
CT: D --> Miss Serket, for once you are a credit to your class
CT: D --> We need to get in contact with the rest of our psionics
CT: D --> We may have just perfected our superweapon
Thijs is feeling really awesome about saving Kyrianne's life and decides people should know that. This includes Peter, who finally unblocked him after the events of Chapter 9.
Honestly, writing Thijs and Kyrianne in euforia after Chapter 13 was pretty fun, as was the banter between Thijs and Peter.
Thijs and KM haven't interacted before this chapter, and they might not talk to each other all that much. I didn't really think it flowed all too well, but KM's introduction is next, so I hope you're all looking forward to that.
Since Andrew has now outright made the Lord English = Skipper Plumbthroat comparison himself, it means I have to drag myself back to the Atlantic to - is that a Squiddles song playing on my shuffle? Really? - to The Dargon Arc. I've got to keep my Squiddles metaphor apart from his, and all that, considering what Plumbthroat does in mine.
I have chosen to do so as obliquely as possible.
A Hand in Holding Hands Minor Update
[The following pesterlog will precede the actual link/banner to the Intermission. As a result, it occurs before the reader is explicitly told that (Chapter 15/AO3 18 spoilers):
the aHiHH universe is a creation of Rose's Horrorterror
and only hints at the fact.]
Open pesterlog:
A word of caution:
Messages can have different meanings in different contexts.
A cautionary tale in one universe may not even apply to another.
A warning given to one group may not save another.
A wise speaker would rephrase.
AA: and 0ur "speaker"?
Gods are very wise. Their representatives are often wiser still.
They are also emotional.
An emotional message can be disjointed. A God's message is always disjointed.
The same words may speak different truths to new ears.
You would do well not to mistake one warning for another.
AA: i'll d0 what i can
See that you do. You and I will not speak again.
My Master's business with you and your allies is finished.
Our impact is gone. Meanings will change. What you know may not be enough. It may even be wrong, in context.
And I'd hate to leave thinking I've lost you again, my dear.
So stay safe. Stick to your branch, and listen.
I find it's always worth listening at times like this, don't you?
When the Gods scream.
Scratch saying Aradia dying would be like losing her "again" is just him referring to her death (in each timeline). They probably had a conversation about that that I'd... rather not read, to be honest. Ew.
Forum-exclusive author's note, with continuing spoilers from 15:
Scratch's message applies almost as much to itself as it does to the intermission, which is why it was a pain to write. Let's take messages with no meaning to some, but meaning to others, which then becomes multiple meanings. "Stick to your branch" means nothing to someone reading this line for the first time, though they may have suspicions. To someone having read later chapters, it will have meaning... but then it duplicates again, into two meanings. It could mean the branch timeline, or it could also mean Rose's Horrorterror ("stick to your branch, and listen") who is associated with a certain bit of reoccuring branch iconography. And that's just that one line. You're a pain, Cueball. Stay out.
(Since Squiddles music was playing anyway, I kept at it. And now I'm picturing Lord English singing Catchyegrabber and it's hilarious. Net plus!)
Last edited by SkaianRedeemer; 11-05-2011 at 01:07 PM.
I cannot emphasize how much I love this pairing, or how much fun it was to coauthor this fic. Rose and Dave have such a spectacular dynamic that it's a shame I don't see more fics about them together. In any event, I'll probably be writing more Dave/Rose on a solo venture here soon, so there won't be any lack of shipping fics in this department if I can help it. :P
Ah, Cataclysm Children is finished. Glad to see it. To be honest, the incest is the only thing keeping me from shipping Dave/Rose. If it turned out they weren't siblings after all, I'd go back to it in a heartbeat.
I wrote the first of a series of Loaded Key short stories that's going to expand on some things that I set up, but never really wrote about. Check it out on AO3, as always
Sergeant Equius Zahhak is an angry troll, and when the anger starts hurting those around him, he turns to desperate measures to keep his temper in check. It's a dark secret for the upstanding troll to have. It could save him. If he's not careful, it could end him.
I was angry with my friend. I told my wrath. My wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe. I told it not. My wrath did grow.
I wrote the first of a series of Loaded Key short stories that's going to expand on some things that I set up, but never really wrote about. Check it out on AO3, as always
Sergeant Equius Zahhak is an angry troll, and when the anger starts hurting those around him, he turns to desperate measures to keep his temper in check. It's a dark secret for the upstanding troll to have. It could save him. If he's not careful, it could end him.
One crossover. Just one crossover, and I can go back to Troll Shakespeare.
Snapshot:
SBastion
OPEN PESTERLOG
PAST strangerRucks [PSR] 2:35 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PSR: Hey, Kid.
PSR: Come on, get up.
PSR: Answer me.
PSR: That ain't funny, get up.
PSR: Are you still even lookin' at this memo?
PSR: I don't got much patience left for passwords.
PSR: Heck, I didn't even get a password last time.
PSR: Had to hoof it once Zulf and Zia started arguin' again.
PSR: And then Zulf...
PSR: Damnation, it just happened too fast.
PSR: And now Zulf is hunting us down in all his righteous Ura fury.
PSR: Been leaving me nasty messages everywhere.
PSR: Taunting me.
PSR: And now Zia's missing, somehow...
PSR: We got separated somewhere in the caverns.
PSR: I haven't heard from her, which means she's probably dead by now.
PSR: Which means I'm in a doomed timeline.
PSR: Future Zia talked to us all before now.
PSR: And if she's dead, that can't happen.
PSR: Which I guess explains why I can't get in touch with you.
PSR: ...
PSR: It wasn't supposed to happen this way.
PSR: Zulf wasn't supposed to go insane again.
PSR: I think, if he did...
PSR: It means we messed up.
PSR: Means *I* messed up.
PSR: He was my responsibility, and I couldn't keep him under control.
PSR: Remember those time-traveling me's that kept showin' up and dyin'?
PSR: One of 'em said this was why he came back.
PSR: Why he traveled back, only to die.
PSR: Because Zulf went mad and killed us all.
PSR: Didn't take him seriously.
PSR: Should've.
PSR: Dozens of me, kept coming back, speaking their peace, and getting killed.
PSR: It was always my fault.
PSR: Always some hasty trick I was planning or something to do with the frogs.
PSR: Made it impossible to win.
PSR: By myself, I think I racked up more dead future selves than anyone.
PSR: Not that any of that matters anymore.
PSR: Now I'm just one of 'em, trying to stay alive long enough to figure out what went wrong.
PSR: And that last bit wasn't easy, let me tell you.
PSR: But I think I've finally figured it out.
PSR: It was before we had to send you out to find the gear you'd need to beat the Demon.
PSR: Before he even showed up.
PSR: I wanted to let you know, Kid...
PSR: No matter what I said, that last frog had to be important.
PSR: Zia, if you're reading this from the past, I hope you're paying attention.
PSR: We were in such a hurry to win, we didn't pay attention to what ended up being the most important thing.
PSR: Old B. Slick needed that frog's genes bad.
PSR: And cause I didn't take the time out to make sure we got it, we're all dead.
PSR: See, I was thinking.
PSR: About that Demon, and how he's killing all the frogs he can find.
PSR: I think I know what that rift at the end of our timelines is.
PSR: I know what's gonna happen.
PSR: And I'm sad to say it's my fault.
PSR: ...
PSR: Ectobiology's a pretty touchy discipline.
PSR: One mistake, and the genetic code of an entire universe can fly out of order.
PSR: Slick needed those genes.
PSR: But because we were in so much of a hurry...
PSR: He's missing that critical sequence.
PSR: So when we made him, watched him grow...
PSR: After the Vast Croak, right before the Demon came and chased us here...
PSR: I kept thinking...
PSR: He didn't look so good.
PSR: Like he was sick.
PSR: I think we gave him cancer.
PSR: I think our universe has cancer, Kid.
PSR: Sorry.
PSR: It ain't no normal cancer, either.
PSR: It's not a defect.
PSR: It's a single being.
PSR: A Tumor.
PSR: It's driven to kill everything it sees.
PSR: And somehow, it escaped Slick's body and made it here.
PSR: I gave a universe cancer.
PSR: And now it's left the body dying, to return the favor.
PSR: The Demon is the Tumor, Kid.
PSR: And I've sent you on your own to fight him.
PSR: What a fool I've been...
PSR: Well, I hope you enjoyed me baring my soul to absolutely no one.
PSR: Since you can't seem to notice I'm here, and everyone else is dead.
PSR: If Zia survived and made it out there, tell her I'm sorry for not listening to her.
FSZ: Rucks, calm down! I'm fine!
FSZ: And Zulf has calmed down, he's here with me!
PSR: Holy Mother.
PSR: You're alive?
FSZ: Hang on.
FSZ: I really need to get this pansy to calm down.
A/N
Hooray, I wrote something!
Also, if you've played Bastion, you can rate this on how well I got Ruck's voice down.
Last edited by Graven_Image; 11-10-2011 at 09:10 PM.
Hello good folks. My first post on this forum, I don't know how much I'll hang around, but this is the right place to be after all.
I just finished a 6800 word fanfic about Davesprite and Cascade, my first piece of fiction I've ever actually finished, and this is the right audience for it. I'm aware that there's already three such fics on AO3, but I take solace in mine being needlessly wordy and melodramatic.
Jim Groovester explained AO3 invites to me, but it's not really important to me whether it's posted.
Anyway, loads of maudlin tripe about Davesprite's thoughts on Jade's ascent to the Dog Tier. A lot of my impression of Dave as a character is drawn from Dellaluce, and Bad Future Dave is Dave put through the wringer. I tried to keep what's very much a stream of consciousness as cohesive as possible as Davesprite wanders from one thought to the next. Theoretically, the entire piece takes place in about ninety seconds.
Anyway, peruse. All commentary is appreciated, as usual.
Well fuck.
What's a guy gotta do for a satisfying death around here?
Just when you think you've finally got shit locked down, that everything's going to come together, it all slips away again.
You finally got what you wanted. And you'd be done.
Then for once everything works out in everybody's favor, except yours of course.
You'd fall to your knees if you still had any to fall to. You'd harakiri like nobody had hara'd their kiri before, if your gut wasn't already a sheath. You'd weep, if you had ever deigned to learn how.
Okay, dude, hold on. You're getting carried away. Let's back up here.
After all, you just met this chick like an hour ago.
The Battlefield wasn't exactly your first choice for retiring from the ring, after getting your clock cleaned in the championship. After what happened, you would've flown up away to the sun like a fucknig piece of garbage and end it all if there were any suns handy. LoHaC might have done the trick, but you spent too much damn time not getting roasted in a crocodile infested EasyBake oven to go out that way.
At least, that's what you decided after you got there. Maybe instead you'd take another crack at that quest thing, as long as you're in the neighborhood.
It doesn't really matter why you decided to do it. The Dave from this time had bigger things to worry about, from his perspective. You know how he thinks. The sprite part of you wanted to help him out, but the you part of you wanted to help him out too, he was going to need it. You couldn't fight anymore, but with Jade's volcano up and running ol' Hephaestus probably had more to say than all that ranting he did last time around.
Failing that, maybe he'd obliterate you. It wouldn't be more useless than anything else you could do with yourself.
Now you've got your trans-time copy of Caledfwlch fixed up, the only thing you'd kept besides your sweet iShades, so your past self would still know what he was supposed to be doing. For an encore you learned a bunch of stuff about the goal of the game you never had the chance to see with two missing players. You just had to get it to Dave.
Not that you knew where he was anymore, which was weird in itself. So you headed to the Battlefield, since that depopulated dump would be a natural place for a busy guy to go, right?
No, you heard something calling, didn't you? A cry of destiny, a feeling of purpose. It was probably just more sprite business horning in on your brain again. For how much you wanted to stop this game from fucking with your head, you sure picked the awesome way to do it. But it's not like you had anything better to do.
Maybe Dave reached Skaia somehow without telling you. Maybe you could kill some time and braincells hanging out with John's granny or Rose's cat, shoot the shit NPC style. You don't know what you were expecting really, but any distraction from your latest string of failures would be welcome.
You certainly weren't expecting to see Jade... There's a lot of ways to finish that sentence, but “you weren't expecting to see Jade”, period, is what's important.
But there she was. Alive. Your friend, not even alive again but alive still. At least that much had paid off, right?
Except she wasn't Jade. Not your Jade anyway. For starts, your Jade wasn't a sprite with dog ears. That was pretty whack.
And your Jade wouldn't be gushing shoujo firehoses over the futility of existence. Nobody knows futility like you do, and your eyes couldn't be drier. Parched even. Ain't shed a tear.
Not since the last time you talked to her.
Not since she gave you a first hand account of your world ending.
She sure sounded optimistic then. She knew everything was going to work out right in the end. Even if she didn't know what the real end might be.
Ten seconds of stating the obvious later and the introductions were over. She was Dog Jade, to compliment the Real Jade you still hadn't met. A Jade made out of dreams and a Klein-husky that'd flip Stephen Hawking's bionic lid. The more she talked about being dead, the more you let yourself have one slight hope that somehow, someway, she was the Jade you'd left behind in your old timeline.
At this point, that was kind of her defining characteristic.
She wasn't your Jade, of course. Your Jade never really died, never really existed, for what it mattered here. Your Jade was a memory. Maybe not even that. Your Jade was a snapshot collage of a girl you'd never met, ideas frozen in time from when her signal cut out. An imagination, a dream, just enough to give you something to hope for, to work up the strength to go back for.
To give up being Alpha Dave for.
Whatever, doesn't matter now. All salty water under the memorial bridge.
How lucky could you be, coming back to find a complimentary non-Alpha Jade?
You'd always thought you'd have a world of things to say in person, but she wasn't exactly the person you'd meant to talk to. There wasn't much time anyway. Both being slaves to the game now, the first thing on your minds was the game and the players. They deserved their props, you supposed. You told her about what you'd learned, since you knew Jade had some idea of how the game would play long before it started. You talked about your mistakes with the Denizens, and what you knew your Alpha counterparts must have figured out, now too late to do anything about it.
That wasn't what she was crying about by any means, but it was some of it. She'd forgotten how to be herself, but she remembered what she was supposed to be. Brave, cheery, helpful. All that stuff written into the Prospitian DNA.
Goofy she still had down pat. Refreshing.
All she really needed was something to do. She seemed to know the sword was important, whether from her dreams or being a sprite. Like you did. You'd gone to the relatively minor trouble of getting it, and you remembered what Jade used to say about her magic devilbeast pet.
It was worth a shot, and lo and behold, she could do it. You could both feel in your digitized bones that the game session was coming to a critical halt, which made the whole idea about as pointless as getting the damn sword in the first place. But it was all you could do. And it made her feel better.
Dave had his legendary not-so-POS sword, wherever he was. Job well done.
Then you talked.
She told you about her half-life before her long death, life as a waking dream, before she had to save John from sleeping then being crushed by a meteor. You told her about coming back from the future to become a bird and save John from his own naivete, so you wouldn't have to replay Real Jade being crushed by a meteor.
Not that you had long to talk, as you both narrowly avoided being crushed by meteors.
Big flaming rocks have it in for this girl. It keeps happening, what's up with that?
There was nothing else for it. You didn't agree to stop running. There was nowhere to go.
Nothing to save yourselves for.
Maybe it was a past conversation, or your knowledge as sprites. Or maybe just all the desperate hopes finally being smashed apart by a new and very special one. The sky was filled with flying death, and the wavy 2D lightshow of The Scratch initializing beyond it. One way or another this was the end.
She wasn't afraid of it, really. She'd been waiting for it. Hoping for it even. Hoping for the end to her short exile from paradise, knowing her job was done.
It was all the excuse you needed to hope along with her.
Hope for an end.
You didn't say anything, nothing came to mind. You thought about holding her hand, but it didn't feel right for some reason. Like you hadn't earned it yet. Or like death was still enough moments away that the embrace would have time to turn awkward. Stupid shit like that.
Looking at her was enough. It felt like you'd been waiting ages to do it. To see her. Really see her.
You were plenty familiar with the feeling of time going out of synch, but you weren't going to let this slowdown not be special. It wasn't your life flashing before your eyes. You didn't see a damn thing, except her.
What in your life would you want to see again? Want to see more than this?
No, you dropped the beat because spacetime fell apart between you. Her infinite gravity dragging you over the horizon, falling forever into those huge green stars. If it stretched enough, the end would never even come, just an eternity in empty space before her core.
That'd be pretty nice. There'd be time enough to hold her hand. Maybe in the world's last moments, you'd even kiss her just for the cliched hell of it, if you worked up the nerve fast enough.
Welp, you had it all figured out about as right as usual, didn't you birdbrain?
Okay fine, so you didn't see this one coming. Who would have?
It's hard not to wonder what happened to her. Both of her, all of her. One blinding flash and she's standing on her own two feet, catching meteors like tennis balls. She's up and out and gone with a smile before you even process what the fuck's going on. Just her style.
It's obvious enough. She said she was Jade's dreamself, thrown into her expositionkernel. Something bad must have happened to Alpha Jade, and she tunneled right through all the crap on top of her revived expendable superego for an upgrade. At least you think that's how it works, since you and Rose never had the nads to take the plunge and find out.
Which is pretty ironic, all things considered.
And leaves you with some questions you'd really like to not be mysteries right now, and would really suck to answer the hard way. First and foremost being, how much of Jadesprite is in her now? Has to be some, just look at her. She sure has powers like you'd think her devilbeast probably had, but that could just be the Space Witch part. Fuck.
But no, really. How much of her dreamsprite is up there in her fuzzy new godhead? Does she know what her dreamself knew? Anything it learned after being turned into a ghostly chatterbox? That would save you a lot of trouble having to explain stuff to her, if she ever looks down here.
Does she remember anything?
Does she remember you?
At least she knows you're here. Didn't seem too concerned about it.
Which doesn't answer the question by any means, but ain't too promising either.
Because that would really suck.
Okay, you can't hold it against her for not wanting to hang around and chat about ascending to the Furry Tiers, she's got more important orange flying things than you to deal with. (Note to self: that was a stretch.) She certainly saw you on her way up. And Dave told you he met her in person, so he might have told her about you already.
You'd like to think you're a tight enough bro to mention yourself, since talking about yourself is one of your best skills. Not that not mentioning it wouldn't be stone cold chill too.
Yeah, there's no use mentally dancing around it like this. She might not remember anything. She might have kicked her dreamself to the existential curb when she rolled in and took her place. Knocked her right out of the picture, maybe to wherever dreams go when they... Does ceasing to exist count as dying? Or do you just cease to exist?
Kinda like your Jade. Your old Jade, the one you left behind. Replaced with a new track, a new story. Rewound, overwritten, and erased. Not dead. Not just dead. Gone completely.
Jade vs Meteors: One to two, but the game's been called on account of Dog.
Jades replaced by an Alpha Jade: Two. Ironically.
Is she sleeping now, out there in the endless Somewhere?
Will she dream?
Eh, fuck it Shakespeare. You guess it doesn't really matter what happened to her. Either of her. Dog Jade turned into Real Jade, and now she's a thousand miles tall and a million miles away, with a universe of problems and the power to solve them with a flick of her wrist.
In some corner of the session you can't see, you know there's a Real Dave for her to face it with. You busted your ass for that, and you couldn't be happier for him.
You have to be. You're not Real Dave, fuck getting all the tight loot and putting up with that goddamn puppet for four months and watching Jade and John die the first time around. Jadesprite may or may not be up there in Real Jade, but there's no back door for you. You're not Alpha Dave, none of these people know you, not as well as they know him. Fuck, you don't even look like him. The only one who knew you at all was Jadesprite, and then only from crossing paths in death with all the poor bastards you'd left behind in unstable time loops. Half of them were Alpha Dave anyway.
At least you'd had time to get to know her. Sides of Jade you'd never known. A Jade who never had to pretend to be a normal person, who had even less fear of speaking her mind if that were possible, and who had long since decided you were important to her.
A Jade waiting for the end to come, with nothing to do but bawl over her futile existence.
Cry for everyone's futile existence, because she thought she had already seen the end.
Maybe she did, and no one knows it yet.
But you shared it with her. You knew what it was like to have played your part and failed. To want in your heart to hang it up and go home. To pick up where you left off, and leave all this Earth-shattering horseshit behind.
You couldn't be Real Fucking Dave anymore, you just had to be Bird Dave. But she wasn't Real Jade either, she was Dog Jade. Everything to like about the real one, without any of that real baggage. So what if she wasn't your Jade if you're not really you anyway. She could be Bird Dave's Jade.
Together you could be fuzzy fakes. You could be melodramatic and ridiculous. You could be honest. More honest than Real Dave could ever afford to be. So what if neither of you were real? You were real enough for each other. And with one more destiny-guided boulder none of it would matter anymore.
You'd both be done. Done for real. She'd go home and you'd go with her.
But wherever she is now, that's not how it happened. It's never that easy.
This is it now. Looking up at her. You're a songbird in a cage. You're a particularly badass butterfly under glass. You're an overpriced little orange betta in an empty tank with nothing to fight. You're a mote in god's big beautiful green eyes.
One blink, and you could be gone.
It'd be a fitting way to go. You might be selfish enough to ask, if you didn't know it would break her heart.
Probably not as much as you'd hope though. Would have hoped. She already has one good Dave. Is one Dave not enough? Does this godforsaken world really need your forsaken existence anymore? You did your job, it's over.
Your Jade knew that, and if any of her is still up there, Jade knows it too.
Alright, one minute is kind of a short time to be expecting an answer on whether she's forgotten about you. Forsaken even.
You just had to go and think that, didn't you? Mortal wound or not, you're going to spend the rest of your life pondering that word.
This godforsaken existence.
What the fuck does that even mean? That shit's not working out the way you wanted? Take a number Job, it's a long-ass line.
It's not like there's anyone to bitch to anyway. No denying that now.
You never bothered thinking about the whole religion question before the game. The idea of an omnipotent invisible dude silently judging you over your shoulder your whole life really cramped your “don't give a fuck” style. Besides, you got enough of that headgame bullcrap from your Bro.
It was always Rose who was obsessed with the question of life larger than you mere mortals. You were never totally sure if she believed it or not, or just pretended to, or really did and couldn't admit it. The scope of it might have scared you off, the way she talked. You didn't need a frame of reference bigger than The Life Of Dave Strider.
You knew it wasn't really about finding a higher purpose for her. She was looking for proof of life grander than violin lessons and waspy dinner parties. Nerdy(er) guys might have looked for aliens, Rose went the middleschool girl route (ironically of course) for syphilis-induced stories of hentai gods. A few years later, and it might have been bookstore-Wicca for all it really mattered.
Damn did she get more than she bargained for. Hope she's enjoying herself.
Of course, she may have been right, but she couldn't have been more wrong either. No human prognosticator could. Every prophet in the wasted history of mankind would have holy shit holy bricks if they knew the great power beyond the stars was a halfass-coded MMO heralded by the blasphemous pages of Game Bro Magazine. That the supreme purpose of life was to invent computers, so a handful of tweens could go fight demonic chess pieces while the Earth gets pounded into a golfball.
With the sky peeled away you find out there's no one to answer the prayers, and by the looks of it there never was.
And yeah, it's ironic too, since there's hentai gods in space and now a couple of “god tier” players and other stuff the game names after gods, but that's different. And sure as shit the world is working by an ordained plan, but nobody knows better than you where it leads. You've ran up and down the whole thing.
It's a plan that gives absolutely no fucks about the people spawned to follow it.
All the great secrets of life, dolled out one quest marker at a time.
Why are we here? What does it all mean?
Just like the dreadlocked yogis of the halfpipes always said, you had to find your own meaning in life.
They never had good advice for when the answers you find piss you right the fuck off. Like how apparently your purpose in life was to watch your friends die, then turn into a bird and get your ass kicked so you can watch another version of yourself hit the reset button on the whole thing anyway.
Nobody worth listening to knew what to do with a Divine Plan that went nowhere.
And the worst part about it is, you can't even drop a well-worn “god works in mysterious ways” for the ice cold irony of it, because nobody but you players are working at all. Just life barreling down a space-bending track with some clueless kids at the wheel. The closest guy you have to blame for destiny running around in paradoxical circles like this is...
No, even you can't dump all this on yourself. For once, you're thankful enough that this shit is way bigger than you.
You're almost proud you never looked up into the sky to ask “Why?” now, knowing you'd never get an answer.
Irony of ironies, if you tried it now, you just might.
She's probably just as confused as you right now though. She always was good at rolling with crazy, but there's no reason to think she's gotten (more) brilliant in the last few seconds. It would be a dick move to expect Jade to know the mysteries of the universe just because she can suddenly move planets around. Yeah, you're still pretty dead set on not asking her any existential questions that might upset her.
Suppose she'd be embarrassed if you called her a god? She's taking to it quick.
She can tell you whatever she wants on her time. She always does.
Which is kinda worrying that for once she's not saying anything about something this huge.
It's probably just your bleeding knotted emulated guts talking again, but it's easy to think she's not too happy right now. Any memories she did or didn't absorb from Jadesprite can't be pleasant, and... Fuck, no reason to avoid it.
Seeing Jade in a habit doing the Superman thing means you and real you couldn't protect her, whatever happened out there. Whatever indeed. The dreamsprite's gone, so the real one, the Real Alpha Jade, died. No surprise real you still managed to fuck something up.
Can you blame yourself for another you's screw ups? Sure it reflects badly on you, since you're (almost) the same guy and all. If you had feet to put in his sweet kicks, wouldn't you make the same mistakes that let this happen? Through a feathery mirror ironically, and all that jazz.
Moot point, his problem. You haven't been in shape to save somebody's life for hours.
Not since that last time you tried.
No. No, you're not doing this. No weeping and gnashing of beaks over this one. You're not gonna drag your ass all over his non-existent grave by mourning. You both went in knowing it'd be the rumble in the jungle, the rage in the cage, the realest of deals. Then the game changed halfway through, and there was no getting away from it.
You both gave it all you had, and you both had to make a choice. He died, you lived, because you could escape from above. Simple as that. That nod was all the epitaph you needed from him. He broke character long enough to give you one serious look, tell you to take the fucking chance he was giving you and bounce. No hard feelings, just the way it worked out. He didn't go to all the trouble of raising your ass to lose you to his own grand finale, no matter how many of you there are.
He saved you. That's why he was here. That's why he was always here.
Turned out to be a pretty shitty lot in life for him too, but he was too chill to let that get him down.
Bros dying for bros, as mad fair as it gets. He probably would have liked to know he'd die in a sick fight to the finish against the ultimate badguy to save his little bro. The compound banality was his swan song. Dulce et decorum est to die a mainstream hero's death.
He saved you. Died to do it.
Because he knew you couldn't save him.
At least you got to see him, in top form. Doing what you never had the guts to.
Almost makes up for completely losing him the first time around.
Got some motherfucking closure this time. To go with everyone else you couldn't save.
You couldn't save John, then you couldn't save Jade. Who knows if you actually saved Rose. Sure, Alpha Rose said she remembered “some things”, but you might still have ditched your sister in the future with no flux capacitor.
She's a big girl, she'd know what to do. You're not that different, after all.
So yeah, came back and gave yourself everything you'd need to New Game Plus this shit. Then you couldn't save Bro. Or save John from getting his ass kicked again, going by what Dave said about the lightshow earlier. Or save Rose from herself apparently, that was a crazy scene. Or save yourself, or your real self, whichever one you mean, neither of you are in great shape at this point, since your real counterpart went incommunicado. And even if she did get the superpower revive, Jade still died somehow.
Okay fine, you did some stuff right. You finished part of Dave's quest, after messing it up for him. You talked an inconsolable side of Jade's personality into something like normalcy, by getting her to deliver your mail, right before she got replaced. And technically you did save Jade, the real Jade, enough to get her to a beneficial death at least, by saving John from listening to leetspeak bearing gifts.
Schmuck always expected the best out of everyone. Not that you wouldn't be here if he wasn't right some of the time.
Then of all people, that cackling little fairylight latches onto you. Real you, whatever.
Which is worse, that John believed GC sight-unseen, with the best of intentions and it killed him? Or that you, a you who didn't know better, didn't have time to stew over it for months, doesn't believe GC has the best of intentions by a long shot, and then keeps talking anyway?
Cavorting around having the time of a life you didn't get with some wannabe scriptkiddy who cost your two best friends their lives, cost all four of you your lives in the end, with a couple seconds of snickering. You know Dave's still at it too, makes you fucking sick.
You busted your ass to give everyone a second lease on life, and this is how real you spends it? You can't believe four months ago you were desperate enough to be trailed around by any random Pesterlink calling itself a girl. So they both turned out to be true, somebody call the commissioner, you won the Internet Jackpot. Oh wait, one of them is a god and is the other is a murderous scumbag, you know what commish, you can keep that powerball to yourself. This is one double-or-nothing you don't need.
You gotta give Dave credit for staying focused on killing Jack, but its ridiculous watching him do it. You can't blame him for not knowing about the Denizens and whatnot, stands to reason he'd make the same mistakes you did. But you thought you knew yourself better than this. He won't admit it of course, you're too proud for that. You've gotten lying to yourself down to an artform after all this time. He won't even tell you what he's up to after he finally met Jade face to face, except that he's on point with The Plan.
He got the opportunity you never did.
He'd better not fucking blow it. If he fucking blows it, you'll offer up supplication to your new god for a gift. Something like an Archimedean lever, long enough to move the world. 'Cause no lesser handle could withstand the flying off you'll be doing if Dave manages to fucking blow his chance after all the shit you've been through for them.
Jade would appreciate a request like that, now that she could probably make such a thing. She'd love to watch the physics in action. Maybe it'd make up for whatever boneheaded stuff real you says, in this hypothetical handle-dive consequence.
Yeah. Knowing you, and until you became a samurai crow today you were pretty sure you knew you, you wouldn't say anything to her. Not in the hypothetical or for real. Not anything worth saying at least, just everything that isn't.
Just blathering to keep her entertained and interested, so you don't accidentally say anything you might mean.
Hell, maybe Dave's scared of her. You kinda are, looking up at her from down here. Seeing her, really and truly seeing her, for the first time.
It's easy to forget after a few months of thinking about her, but you remember being Real Dave, and for him the idea of ever actually seeing her in person was fucking remote until earlier today.
Heck, this is the first you've seen of her yourself.
Let's be honest here, you were scared of this moment for a long damn time.
It's not that you were more intimidated by her the more she talked to you. You were exactly as intimidated by her from day one, when your worlds collided in a blinding explosion of smilies.
The mindnumbing girlpower didn't intimidate you, retards come and go by the summer. It was the way she talked about you like she knew you.
The way she talked like she really did know you.
Nobody likes hearing shit from other people that they don't want to hear from themselves, especially not with so many exclamation points. Running didn't work, she recognized you everywhere. You still crack an invisible grin remembering, how eventually you turned her loose on /b/ for the hell of it, to scare her off. They thought they were being raided, and she came back a furry, begging for something else to chase.
She was a keeper alright. And not a damn thing ever changes.
John's fantastically shitty taste in television soaked into her every pore. Rose's thesaurus barrage glanced away harmlessly. She could do whatever she set her mind to, absorb whatever she wanted like a sponge, but only if she wanted. And if she didn't want it, it had to be pointless.
She gave you two of your best friends. She gave you an ear that could really hear you. You gave her a window, a map to the world outside. Bootleg mixer software, the lowest down of hookups, and all the memebase she could want.
It sure felt like an empty exchange, heartfelt friendship for advanced googling. But it was what she wanted.
Because it was the only way to open up your thick skull, and she knew it. The only way to get past your walls was to impress you enough to want them down, ironically. Not beat you at your own game, she is (was) only mortal. She wanted to show you she could learn.
She wanted to show you she already knew you.
She's a dynamo, the perpetual engine. She's a white hole in cold space. Anything thrown at her is either obliterated or comes back tenfold.
There's a purity to her. Anything she wants, she does. Maybe not right, but she doesn't care about doing it right. Whatever way she wants it becomes right. With no hesitation, no complication, and only just a little fear.
She's been a deity for about a minute, and she's juggling planets without a second thought. Give her six days and everyone will see a real god can do.
Of course Dave's scared of her, why shouldn't he be?
You sure as hell were, and he's right where you left off. Long before shit got real in a hurry, you were afraid of her. In those dark and quiet moments, when you let yourself hope, in your head where no one could hear you and you could just about convince yourself it was romantic instead of creepy in an ironic sort of way, that you'd be the first guy to win the Nerd Gold Medal and meet the girl of your dreams on the internet. Someday somehow you'd come sliding in on your white horse and save her from her wacky tower, to ride off into the rent-controlled sunset together.
You let yourself think it, because it was stupid enough to be funny. Getting a head start on being a teenage dweeb, like a budding master of the sardonic should. That you'd even be entertaining such case-study bullshit was worrisome to say the least. You were too good for that.
All at once, someday was right now, and somehow was a magic program that got one point five of five bro-hats. Jade cast her sight down on you with supreme power over your little world, getting her first eyefull of Dave Strider and turning his kickin' bachelor pad upside down. It was the most terrifying feeling you'd ever had, knowing she could see you. Then that bighearted doofus John had to get himself killed before anybody could return the favor, and before you could find a way to fix it all.
She died watching you listen to her die. Seeing you hearing.
You've soliloquized that part enough times already.
Where were you? Right, being amazed by a match made in internet-dating heaven, like always.
You tried to ward her off, but your moves were irresistible to her. Every barrier you threw up to preserve a distance you thought you needed just gave her another puzzle to disassemble. She was careful at first, looking back on it. Careful to test you, to see how you'd respond. Dancing around at arms reach to get familiar. Soon enough, having your ego stroked and caressed by endless waves of Unicode affection put you off guard, and she had your scent.
And when she knew you weren't really going to bite back, she pounced. She sniffed out buttons you never knew you had, and hammered them like only a mad scientist girl could, until she learned on her own to stop. But never with a barb, to keep you hooked in by tricking you into fighting it. Not like Rose.
Always, always, like a friend. With just a hint of “more than a friend” friend.
It was her most dangerous skill really, the power to beat your facade into submission without leaving a bruise. It was far too late to ignore her by the time you thought she was doing it on purpose. She was just too fascinating. She was the perfect critic and perfect foil for your act. A paying audience that knew all the tricks and loved to see them performed with skill. A connoisseur with taste for the exactingly terrible, a nose for was going down in the kitchen. The Most Dangerous Game in a wilderness of chumps. Fey with no fear of cold irony. A thing that crippled your ability to make clever metaphors, and you didn't even care.
A metaphor crippling thing that reminded you what honesty sounded like, even if it wasn't your own. She and John were great at that, and she wasn't a dude.
Everything you wanted in a friend, and you loved how corny that sounded. Sounds.
That's why you believed her when she started telling whoppers about her home life. Was living in the Fortress of Solitude with Sir Dr. Bruce Armstrong Roosevelt really that outlandish, compared to how easily she could demolish every layer of ironic indifference and blatant patsy play you turned towards her? Was a magic teleporting dog so weird, when she instantly recognized every drawing and beat you released under any name, including the ones you hadn't? And she would know you by your works and so on.
Is it that hard to believe someone knows the future, knows your dreams, knows you, when they're never wrong?
All she had to do was talk about you, and you had to learn everything about her. You believed her, then you believed the others for her. You hung on her every word, and it was all you could do to uphold your honor as a disaffected iconoclast to pretend either of you didn't already know it.
And she just wanted you to believe in yourself. That was the hard part.
The part she never got to finish.
Until maybe now.
By the time you understood her power over you, you had to pray to the Awkward Gods of the Pubescent Ring for her to be magnanimous. She could unmake you with a word if ever she so wished. For the first time, you got to look into those eyes through her furry doppelganger, and she destroyed you with a glance without even trying.
Making you an inch tall with a wave of her hand doesn't compare. She could always do that.
Now the rest of this ungrateful, uncaring, too-cool-for-school existence will get a taste of that power.
Which just might make up for all the shit you put up with to get here.
Maybe even the shit from the past couple minutes.
You're going to miss Jadesprite sure, especially if you don't like what you hear if and when Jade decides to give you run down. At least you won't have to pine for much longer, the way you're bleeding out. That already makes it one of your lesser mistakes, especially since the rest of the world got Jade Prime out of the deal.
Can you really say it wasn't worth it?
She has to have a plan. Scratch or not, there's no way she'd let it all come to an end now. Not like this. You might not have actually seen her face before, but you know exactly what that look means.
Purpose.
It's a look you've imagined on her a hundred times. She wants something, something important. And she's going to get it.
Of course it's worth it. She's going to make it worth it.
Hell, she already did. For you at least, seeing her writ large and in charge. After all you went through to bring her back from a death out of time, you get to live long enough, enough, to see the payoff.
A front row seat to a new beginning. You always wanted to be on stage, but knowing the show gets to start is enough.
Enough, to make you believe.
That's really why you did it, isn't it? Just to see her once. Shaking off your city-forged armor of anonymity, believing her like no one should ever believe anyone, chasing her name across the internet, and eventually your three-piece ninja bogus journey through time to become a bird. And losing a gift-wrapped chance at a happy ending. You did it all for this.
Just to really see her for one moment. Alive, and shining brighter than the sun.
It was all you could think about for an hour. A day. Four months.
Years.
That one moment would give your whole life meaning. And in this moment, she'll give life meaning.
What's the meaning of life? Why are we here? Why are you here? So you could play the part you always wanted to? If there ever were answers before, they don't matter.
Now you have the answers. You're not alone in the universe, not even counting those shitheads in the Trollslum. There is someone Up There looking down on us all. No Virginia, there ain't no Santa Claus, or a North Pole for that matter. But totes def there is a god. You watched her being born, as creepy as that sounds.
A just and loving god at that. And considerate and sympathetic, if a little scatterbrained at times. Not to mention hilarious, excitable, adorably gormless, a halfway decent bass player, a disgusting whirlwind of giggles, well versed in the science of emotes and reaction images, careless enough to be just this side of hip, and even with dog ears drop dead pretty to boot. Only she could make them work, she'd been waiting for them long enough.
And a minute ago, she was your best friend in this or any world.
And if you're feeling particularly generous and/or sorry for yourself, maybe even your girlfriend.
Why? Why not? From here on out, she can say why.
The answer is whatever she wants it to be.
And making it happen was all you ever wanted.
You suppose all the ass-busting and handle-flipping and mistakes and failures and fucking heartache was worth it, if this is where it got you. So you're the debris of a new raven haired paradigm in the order of the cosmos, at least you helped. You did your job, so she can do hers. It's all gonna be okay now.
For them, all of them.
You can feel it in your hollow orange bones, looking up at a bucktoothed sky.
Existence isn't futile. Not anymore. Not with her in charge.
Not all of existence anyway.
Just yours.
Now.
Last edited by Aqizzar; 11-09-2011 at 10:28 PM.
Reason: Errors
Originally Posted by SkaianRedeemer
Fanfics (There's a bunch):
I'm admittedly not very good at plotting out formatting and such. I'll keep that in mind for future fics, though, so thanks! 
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