Bloodswap and Bloodswap Accessories: The Flysaac Clarke Chronicles

[Mibbs]

use him as bait for a trap to kill ALL the will smiths

[Loather of Irk]

He is Legend.

That is his name.

[Dalmationer]

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He is Legend.

That is his name.

that movie made me sad.

It was the closest I have ever come to seeing someone rape a book.

his name is..... Li'l Smith

[Sprak]

>Plato Nush

[Krakash]

>lodsanamesuggestions



You decide to name the perky chap LIL' SMILL, but his codename will be LEGEND.

You partly named him that because smill sounds like smell. You are a genius, Timtom.

He immediately loses some of his happiness. Guess he will have to go on another pursuit for it, then.

>Go to the Biodome



Well, the moment has passed, and you must travel on. You press the button that opens the elevator doors, and it surprisingly works quite well. Some ominous fumes appear from the dark opening. You don't really care. They are probably just there for dramatic effect, and should be disregarded as they will never be of importance in the story ever again.



You press the button named "Biodome" on the elevator display, and wait. Lil' Smill seems to have brightened up a bit. That's good. You guess. A flashing terminal is right beside you, so you guess it would do no harm to operate it.



There appears to be an Incoming Message on the terminal. You open it up. It seems quite weird that no credentials are required to open the message, or why it is in an elevator. Just another one of this adventures mysteries, that will probably never be explained. Heck, I even forget why we are going to the Biodome. Do you know?



The message opens up. It appears to be a few months old and from an anonymous source. This probably proves that no crew members are still alive here. Huh. Hopefully this will explain something.

SHOW MESSAGE:

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TRANSMISSION FROM: ???? ???????
TRANMISSION TO: The [REDACTED]

Hello, A.S.S.K.E.T.E.E.R.S...if you are still alive. Not going to stamp my name on this transmission, just incase some space bandits have boarded the ship in my absence and taken it over, but you should know who this is, if you are a true ASSKETEER.

Well, if you survived that experiment I commend your skills. How did you do it? I knew I had put just enough toxin to wipe out the whole cre-oh, I’ve said too much. Oh well, it’s not like you are going to trust me again after the accident! Don’t even think of pressing charges, I’ll have you ground up into Slowing Gel immediately. Come on, who do you think we are? We aren’t just a little league company, we are the biggest and best company in the whole universe!

So anyway, i’m sending in some men to recover my logs that were scattered around the ship and they’ll kick your ass if they find you. I’m only trying to help you out here, and you should take my advice. That or you could go get the logs for us, and we’ll take you out of that toxic scrapheap and we’ll get you back home. I’m being very generous here!

There are 3 logs, all containing very important information. It is vital that you do not read them, but knowing the human nature, you probably will. I’ll be sending the search group in tomorrow and they will be deleting this transmission. They will search everywhere, so it’s best that you waddle out of that airlock in shame if you can’t find the logs. Better to suffocate in an endless void than to be beaten up by a group of people after being filled with a whole ton of lead? Remember, we use 65% more bullet per bullet, so you can bet it’s going to hurt. We’re done here.

Huh. That's weird. The search group must have messed up majorly if the message is still here after a few months, and the logs probably are too. Maybe if you find them and try to return them to this ominous anonymous, you could get something cool?



You are now at the Biodome. Woah this place is huge. You heard that plants grown in Biodomes were slightly bigger than normal ones, but that was definitely an understatement. The plants seem to be ones that don't come from Alternia too, so it's probably correct that the creators of this ship were not Alternians. After thinking about it, you aren't even sure how Alternians could have built this ship. They are all just corpses, and always have been...right?

So what do you do now? You should probably go deeper into this jungle, and maybe even look out for one of the logs. It wouldn't hurt to have a look around, after coming all the way up here. Afterwards you could probably take a look around the rest of the ship, and maybe even try getting back home to the colony.

EDIT:

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Probably taking a break from making this as I have some exams coming up and Christmas during which I will probably be doing something else. Sorry to cut you off for a month. I may be back with this in January? Expect it sometime around then. Have a happy holiday season, and may your life be filled with many non-bloodswappedwithgasoline days.

[Mibbs]

set lil smill on fire

[Kaynato]

L'il Smill: Set Tim on fire.

Tim: Set L'il Smill on fire.

Fire: Spread to jungle.

[EnigmaticD]

>Beat up Paulie Shore and Steven Baldwin if they shows up.

[Edrobot]

>Doc Scratch: Have Faygo blood.

[simon.clarkstone]

> Find log in woods. (duh)

[Krakash]

>Set lil smill on fire



You realize you have a torch. With this, you could set fire to this whole place, most likely messing up the oxygen sources and dooming you forever. But the voices...they command it. By setting your companion on fire. But you can't...but you must!

>Tim: Set L'il Smill on fire.



You do it anyway and save yourself a lot more anxiety. You give Smill a swift slap with the burning stick, which sends him flying upwards and then back down again.



You deal 7 damage. Huh. A lot more than you expected from a simple burning tool. The floating damage indicator is absorbed by the virtual LifeBar of Lil' Smill, which leaves him damaged, but he could still take some more.

Lil' Smill does not ignite, however, so your plan to slowly commit suicide backfired. You guess that's a good thing? Better look for a log here and get out before the voices come back again.

> Find log in woods. (duh)



You find a log. Not exactly the type of log you were looking for, but a log nonetheless. You store it away in your HammerSpace Inventory Device, or HID. Looks like you "HID" the item away, huh? Huh?

No one liked your jokes back at the colony. Do you, voices?

>Explore some more.



You explore some more, and find nothing but forest. You don't even think you have explored a lot of this, though, so it may be hidden deeper. You hear some crunching behind you, but it's probably just your growing insanity.



You stand about for a while, like you are waiting for something to happ-AHHH, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! Oh, it's just a Will Ferrell. But it is the worst breed of all: the ELF VARIANT. These types are only found, strangely, during the second half of each set of two sweeps, strangely.

They are extremely hostile, and can stun you with their HORRIBLE tales of how they were an ORPHAN who got ABDUCTED by SANTA CLAUS and then were stuck in an ELVES' world, where they didn't belong and then they trekked to a far land called NEW YORK from another far land called the NORTH POLE in less than a day. And then a whole other bunch of crap that everyone hates, so I will not bore you with the details.

It looks like it will not back down without a fight. So you better give it one, then! Due to the honour of the Alternian Fly race, when ambushed we let the enemy make the first move, but YOU can decide what happens next. Suggest a move or some snazzy shit like that.

END ACT 1:1 - THE ACT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Also, have some happy holidays, readers! Bloodswap and Bloodswap Accessories will hopefully be back in 2012, with more faffing about accomplishing absolutely nothing AND the exact opposite of that! So...

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Yeah. I don't think I will be back with a January the 1st update or maybe even not an update during the first half of January. I am hopefully getting Skyrim and Assassin's Creed and I have a lot of Steam games and stuff, but I will hopefully be back sometime.

Also I just ended Act 1:1 as you can see above, but that was just so I could have a link to this part and for that shitty pun thing. So don't worry about it too much, I will announce major Act endings and such with a bigger announcement than a pile of text.

Until then, have a happy holiday and I wish you a happy New Year.

[OrangeAipom]

Skyrim is on sale today!!

i want to buy it so i can know all of the memes

[EnigmaticD]

I used to play Skyrim...
Until I took a broken to the disc drive.

[Krakash]

Skyrim is on sale today!!

i want to buy it so i can know all of the memes

Yeah, but I want to get it on the Xbox 360 since I am not sure my computer could run it. But still, the Steam sales are pretty cool.

[OrangeAipom]

Skyrim is on sale today!!

i want to buy it so i can know all of the memes

Yeah, but I want to get it on the Xbox 360 since I am not sure my computer could run it. But still, the Steam sales are pretty cool.

i don't have an xbox so ok

[simon.clarkstone]

Looks like you "HID" the item away, huh? Huh?

No one liked your jokes back at the colony. Do you, voices?

> Hur hur hur.

> Dig up strangely-cubical bit of tree and ground.
> Tarzan swing.
> Rapping.
> Sweet Prince rapping.
> Ask him if he knows where the logs are.
> Erratic manoeuvres (since you're a fly).

[Fish]

Will Ferrell: Reveal that your hat is feral.

[BenBen]

Nice necropost you got there.

[Fish]

oshit it is a necro post

it didn't seem that long ago that I last saw Krakash around, though . . .
oh well

[OrangeAipom]

oshit it is a necro post

it didn't seem that long ago that I last saw Krakash around, though . . .
oh well

he'll update it sooner or later, don't worry.

[Krakash]

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Yeah. I wish I had an actual explanation, but I don't. Hopefully updates will be more frequent now, i'll see what I can do.

BEGIN ACT 1:2 - THE PART OF THE ACT WHERE EVERYTHING GOES WRONG AND I REALIZE I AM MAKING THESE TITLES UP AS I GO

>Will Ferrell: Reveal that your hat is feral.



The seemingly inanimate hat reveals itself to be a WILD FERELFHAT!



It quickly leaps off the Will Ferrelf's head and takes it's place on the ground. How exactly did it propel itself off of the elf's head? We may never know.

>Will Ferrelf: Attack.



The Ferrelf uses "REGALING TALE", which is the dreaded story you talked about earlier. The nonsensical slurry launches out of the Ferrelf's mouth like water running out of a tap. Or something like that.



The sound hits both your's and Lil Smill's eardrums at roughly the same time, and it barely damages you physically, but the psychological damage from the terrible, mind-melting speech manifests itself as damage on your lifebars. Luckily it didn't hurt you too much, but Lil Smill retained the damage from earlier and is quite a bit worse off than you, due to his lower max HP. Let's hope they don't have much stronger attacks than that!

The Ferelfhat is unable to attack, due to wasting it's turn moving. These mechanics don't make much sense, but you should count your blessings that they are working in your favour this time.

>Rapping.



Well, what you had in mind was sort of rapping, but you are going to forcefully "rap" them on the head with Lil Smill 7 times, so you can make a pun. You use "7 POUNDS (OF PURE PAIN)".

You grab Lil Smill, and he has no reaction. It's sort of weird. He just is constantly smiling. Creepy. You fly up into the air and ready your attack.



You rush in and smack them upside the head with Lil Smill several times over, and ready the final blow.

You swing him around and throw him down, resulting him becoming a flaming ball of destruction, and eventually an explosion upon reaching the ground, throwing both the Ferrelf and the Ferelfhat out of the way. But wait, the explosion is growing and aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

>Timtom: Wake up.



Uch. You slowly open your eyes and discover that the biodome has became a burning mess. Looks like Lil Smill put maybe just a bit too much of that extremely flammable deodorant on this morning. Or maybe he is just naturally combustable. You may never know, and you hate that because there are so many things you will never know here! Whoever is orchestrating these events is a bad person.



Well, it looks like your wings still work. Good old Alternian Fly wings. Always working, no matter the environment. But they still are a bit bloody and burnt, but you are lucky that you weren't caught in the middle of that explosion, or you surely would be dead. Oh no. You just realise you have singlehandedly destroyed an entire forest with just a young infant. You are a terrible babysitter.

Maybe you could redeem yourself. Maybe he isn't dead. But you would have to look around here for some time, and time is something you would not like to be wasting. You need to find a way back home, to the sandy beaches of Alternianflycapital.

Your race never was good with names.

So what will you do? Will you look for Lil Smill and possibly the log, or just try and find the ship controls and see if they still work?

[ashdenej]

>FLY off the FLYdle when you see the enormous FLYrest FLYer. Realise that these are terrible puns.

[Mibbs]

look for lil smil

[Fish]

>Search forest for controls to turn off this fire burning in your heart.

[Loather of Irk]

Might as well ditch the torch, since everything's already on fire.