TROLLSLUM CAFE L: 50th Anniversary; Let Them Eat Cake

[Captain Whosit]

You MUST have a slice. >:T

Welcome the Trollslum Café!

Our Guiding Principle: We are all fans of Homestuck in general, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and if we like to make fantrolls, we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to bring new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. The primary purpose of the Café is to provide a vague social setting in which characters can meet, mingle, and talk. It is a good way to get introduced to other characters that you can then troll on trollian/pesterchum, or get involved with in a more specific RP. It can also be a decent place to hang out.

Below are some rules that I would like you to follow when you are posting in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!

1: Characters and Setting

The Café is located somewhere on Alternia. Where exactly? Who knows, and it doesn’t really matter. It is somehow easily accessible by nearly every troll on the planet. Keep in mind that this place is located on Alternia (the troll homeworld which is populated by the troll young only) when you are developing a character for the Café. Aliens, freaks, and mutants will not last long on Alternia! Undead creatures are also not likely to be treated with compassion by living trolls. (If I did not make this clear: No humans, freaks, abominations, undead, ghosts, or crazy mutants!) Also note that adults are not allowed in the Cafe. For the purposes of this thread, a troll is an "adult" when they are 10 sweeps or older (based on what I believe is the prevailing headcanon in the fandom). Remember that there was an Imperial decree that banished all adults from the homeworld. No exceptions.

The Cafe is also set outside any sort of Sgrub or S***b continuity. No troll should know about the game, Skaia, the moons, meteors, or humans. Save that for an actual session roleplay.

Notice to newer players!: I highly encourage you to post a profile in the trollslum thread or in the new critique thread before starting your roleplaying experience in the Cafe. Getting some feedback on your character before you start playing them can help you make an even better character and avoid some common pitfalls newer players make!

2: Joining the Café

How do you join? Just post! There are no pre-requisites and no screening (for better or for worse). Just jump in, find someone who isn’t already in a scene, and start a conversation.

3: Posting in the Café

A few guidelines for how to post here:

*It is generally helpful if you clearly indicate which character you are speaking to if you are initiating a conversation.

*You can quote a previous post to enhance the clarity of your response, but please spoiler images, and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.

*Indicate OOC conversation by double paranthesis (()), or double brackets [[]] if you prefer, or by some other method that clearly indicates you are speaking OOC.

*Do not post only OOC chatter. Go to the Trollslum GenChat for that.

4: Joining a Conversation

Before you have your character wander up to someone and start chatting, check to see if the other character is already talking, and to whom. Sometimes two characters are having a light chat and you may be able to get away with approaching them. Other times, they may be having a serious discussion and would not appreciate the intrusion. Like real-life, think carefully before you walk up to someone and interrupt them, and if they ignore you or tell you to go away, respect that!

5: Fights
Fights are going to need a list of rules all its own. This may very well be one of the most important sections, so please read it carefully!

1) Avoid fights whenever possible! If there are any other viable options for your character besides “pull out a weapon,” do that instead! Yes, I’m sure you want to show off how “badass” your character is, but ultimately getting in a fight is just going to make you look silly and probably like kind of a jerk. Yes, you may be thinking that “trolls are violent pricks,” but remember that the primary purpose of the Café is to develop your character, and fights are not the best way to do that. This doesn't mean that you can't play a mean, provocative character, just know your limits!

2) If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other player(s) by PM or your preferred chat client to try and work things out before you both start throwing posts at each other. If you have an end result you are working towards, it is less likely that your fight will completely devolve into a “show them up” contest.

3) Follow proper etiquette! What do I mean? If you do end up in a fight, the way you describe your character acting is what may separate you from a God Moder and someone with class. Here are some dos and don’ts:

”I cut your character’s arm off with my sword.” Very bad! If you do something like this, you are inflicting an injury on another character without giving them a chance to respond or avoid. Basically, you’re an asshole.

“I shoot your character in the face.” Bad. It is worded in such a way that it suggests the blow already landed.

“I aim at your character’s face and fire.” Probably the best you can do. It explains your action and gives the other player an opportunity to dodge the attack, or not, as they wish.

4) Don’t get involved in someone else’s fight! Unless your troll is good friends with one of the participants, it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved in someone else’s battle. On the whole, trolls are not very charitable. Group fights are just a mess and a bad idea.

5) Don’t fight at all if you can help it! Yes, this rule warrants repeating. It is entirely possible to play a mean, jackass character without provoking a fight every time you talk to someone. BE THE BIGGER MAN (OR WOMAN)! If it looks like you’re going to start a fight, back off! Contrary to what you might think, you’ll earn more respect from your peers than if you start trying to beat the other character up.

6: Romance

Trolls have quadrants. Romance is gonna happen. Now, it’s not my place to tell you how to live your love (or hate) lives. However, I ask that you all keep things clean. If your characters are going to go beyond snuggling and smooching, take it to PMs, an IRC, or a private chat. I’m trying to run a respectable establishment, here.

Addendum:
Due to events both past and present, I am revising the rules on what should and should not be posted in the Cafe thread regarding romantic matters. Please remember that this Cafe is a public space. Think about what a person might or might not do in public: Hand holding, a light kiss, maybe a brief makeout if the couple is feeling rowdy. Trolls would not go the the Cafe solely for the purpose of making out with their significant other(s). Would you go to a restaurant or other public venue just to start eating face with someone else? If the answer is "yes," you kind of have a problem.

Also note that, according to this log, trolls are a bit shy about their flushed feelings. Yes, it's Nepeta's perspective, but also note that Karkat has been shy about his relationship with Terezi, as well. This is the canon we have to refer to.

So, practically speaking, what does this mean? I'll tell you.

*If you bring a character in solely to grab a booth and make-out, I will tell you to leave. You can do that over Private Messages, Pesterchum, Typewith.me, or anything else.

*If any spontaneous make-outs that do crop up go on for more than a few posts, I will tell you to stop.

*Any kind of fondling, groping, lewd, sexual, or otherwise questionable behavior is expressly forbidden. We don't want to see it. Take it elsewhere. This also includes excessively detailed descriptions of a make-out.

Don't get me wrong. I fully understand that romance is a fun part of RP in general, and trollplay in particular. Yet it is also important to consider the context of where this is happening, and the Cafe thread is also supposed to be for character development. "But Whosit! This romantic relationship is development for my character!" you might say. Well, yes. How a relationship grows and develops is very important to development. Sloppy make-outs, however, do not really develop anything. They are just sloppy.

7: Problems

Gotta face facts: Problems are gonna crop up. Maybe it’s another player, maybe a fight broke out and someone is god moding, maybe someone decided that it would be awesome to bring in the rainbow-drinker rainbowblood who’s gonna be the next empress and who is secretly the lover of all the canon trolls. All of them. If you have a problem with someone, contact them. Privately and politely. It is not good to make a scene in public. If you are particularly adverse to conflict, you can contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

Likewise, if I see something I think is a problem, I will PM you and try to straighten things out to everyone’s benefit. Note that I will ask you to withdraw or revise a character if I think they will remain problematic as they are. I want everyone to have fun, but I also believe that the fun of the many outweighs the fun of the few.

8: Rules Change

I reserve the right to change or revise these rules at any time with or without notification. So remember to check back occasionally to refresh yourself!

9: Fun

Have fun!

Or else!

Also, be polite, kids!

FAQ
(Okay, I don't really get many questions, but this seemed like the best label for this section.)

Q: What if I want to roleplay something that isn't allowed in the Cafe?

A: There are several other mediums for roleplaying: Instant messengers, including the fan-made Pesterchum client; typewith.me or sync.in collaborative documents; private messages. In theory, after characters meet in the Cafe, they can continue roleplaying elsewhere.

Archives

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The First
The Second
The Third
The Fourth
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The Seventh
The Eighth
The Ninth
The Tenth
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The Twelfth
The Thirteenth
The Fourteenth
The Fifteenth
The Sixteenth
The Seventeenth
The Eighteenth
The Nineteenth
The Twentieth!
The Twenty-first
The Twenty-second
The Twenty-third
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The Twenty-ninth
The Thirtieth
The Thirty-first
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The Thirty-eighth
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The Fortieth!
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The Forty-ninth

The Precursor

[Mister Always]

((The cake is factual. There is photographical evidence.))

[Suds McFuddle]

And then Olliee is clung to. He starts lauging.

Okay then. I shall use my stache as wings and fly us into the night among the gaze of the two moons.

This of course doesn't actually happen, but it be incredibly amazing if it did.

[hesperMonarch]

Oh olliee thats such a great idea!!!!
I wish that bitch had good ideas like you
Swoon

It'd be pretty neat, but it's a disappointing thing that he can't actually use his stache as wings and fly among the gaze of the 2 moons.
Sob.

[Overlard]

What.

What is even going on anymore.

NOTICE: Stemfa what are you even doing? Running around clinging to everyone with a stache on, you trying to show me up!? I always knew you were loose.... :DUE

This could end very badly. Or quite well. It depends on your perspective.

[Cliff_Racer]

Sipping that rum. Awwh yea.

His gauntlet looks extra shiny now.

[hesperMonarch]

You're a crazy person, it comes written on your forehead. Metaphorically but whatever.
So you stick your tongue up to her and go back to character.


Miss vollia i dont think youve paid for the drinks????
So sadly we cant leave to our stache rampage yet
Just saying

[Rai-CH]

(( yay cake ))

Belial walks into the cafe, unfazed by any mustache shenanigans. He takes his usual seat at the counter and resorts to shipping everyone er, people watching. Yeah.

[Weeaboo]

Okay now Shyama is gluing fins to the table.

[Mister Always]

What's a bored guy t' do, really.

Request a good song, of course. This one, yes. Oh, Troll Frank Sinatra. Why'd ya have to go and die and stuff. Boo hoo.

[Suds McFuddle]

Well, its probably just prolonged exposure to the stache that gives me such epic, impossible ideas.

He starts laughing again and turns to Vollia.

Hey thats right. Do you still want to go mustache parading or what?

[Syvar]

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(CONNECT) Um. . . I do not really mind. . . (CALL DROPPED)
She stares at the tea for a moment. That is definitely not coffee.

((alright))

Have you met Animuss? He'ss a nice guy. Made that puppet of you I have. Maybe we sshould get him to make you a puppet of me? I think you ssugessted it when I firrsst sshowed you the puppet.

[Overlard]

She rolls her eyes, then reaches into her pocket and begrudgingly slaps down the payment for the drinks.

NOTICE: Yeah yeah, sure. Here's your freaking payment. :DUE

She turns to Olliee.

NOTICE: Oh I'm coming with you two, no matter how much you try to drive me off. :DUE

[Cliff_Racer]

Stroking the beard...

Stroking the beard...

Uristi loves his beard, yes he does. Woops! Spilled some rum in it. Oh well!

[hesperMonarch]

You laugh and stand up, picking up your things.


Guuuuyssss want to come to my place afterwards????
Its just a public block im staying at
Like the towers near!
Vollia knows them

Unleeess of course your lusus is being a crowbitch again
She says, referring to Vollia.

[apatheticDaydreamer]

(CONNECT) No. . . I have not met him. . . That would be very nice, though. . . (CALL DROPPED)
She pokes at the tea.
(CONNECT) Is this finished yet. . .? (CALL DROPPED)

[Suds McFuddle]

Sure, thats sounds cool. I dont think Checkers would mind. Do you think there may be the possibility of more clingin?

Of course he likes it when he's the one being clung to.

[Syvar]

Oh, I almosst forrgot! Yess, it sshould be good now.
He takes a spoon and presses the teabag against the side of the cup, straining out excess water. He then pours in a bit of milk and a packet of sugar and stirs for a couple seconds.
I don't know how much ssugarr and orr milk you want, sso I will let you experriment. It'ss prrobably betterr to add lessss at firrsst and add morre if it'ss not enough.

[Mister Always]

jus' say the word, 'n i'll beat'cher bird, down to trollcapulco bay...c'mon fly with me, le's fly, le's fly away...they say~

...Martis, stop dancing. Specifically, stop dancing in Shyama's direction.

you at it wit'cher glue again? what's the dealio wit' that?

[Weeaboo]

Shyama jUst LovEs to GLUE fins. Shyama GUEssEs.

[Cliff_Racer]

Uristi, in all his shortness, opens up his barrel and falls asleep in it. That's half full of rum, mind you.

[Overlard]

NOTICE: Gracklema is being just fine tonight, I assure you. She'll be fine with me going out. As for the clinging thing ask Stemfa. She's the one clinging to people despite having a matesprit. :DUE

She shrugs.

[apatheticDaydreamer]

Taonia stares at the milk and sugar for a bit.
(CONNECT) Hmm. . . (CALL DROPPED)
She dumps all of it into the tea. All of it.

[Araiss]

Animus is just sitting back and drinking his water. It seemed like an anonymous troll, or at least what Animus thinks is anonymous troll showed up. He's somewhat staring at him, since you don't really see too many anonymous trolls.

[hesperMonarch]

You just laugh.


Never clinged to your stachebud vollia????
Thought so
Youre just jealous im not clinging over you instead

Could she possibly have... pale feelings towards Olliee?
A POSSIBLE MOIRAILLEGIANCE?
Maybe unrequited but HOW SHALL THINGS TURN OUT?
We'll see in the next episode.