TROLLSLUM CAFE LI: Land of Shipping and RP (and Shipping)

[Captain Whosit]

Where did I put my damn torpedoes...?

Welcome the Trollslum Café!

Our Guiding Principle: We are all fans of Homestuck in general, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and if we like to make fantrolls, we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to bring new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. The primary purpose of the Café is to provide a vague social setting in which characters can meet, mingle, and talk. It is a good way to get introduced to other characters that you can then troll on trollian/pesterchum, or get involved with in a more specific RP. It can also be a decent place to hang out.

Below are some rules that I would like you to follow when you are posting in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!

1: Characters and Setting

The Café is located somewhere on Alternia. Where exactly? Who knows, and it doesn’t really matter. It is somehow easily accessible by nearly every troll on the planet. Keep in mind that this place is located on Alternia (the troll homeworld which is populated by the troll young only) when you are developing a character for the Café. Aliens, freaks, and mutants will not last long on Alternia! Undead creatures are also not likely to be treated with compassion by living trolls. (If I did not make this clear: No humans, freaks, abominations, undead, ghosts, or crazy mutants!) Also note that adults are not allowed in the Cafe. For the purposes of this thread, a troll is an "adult" when they are 10 sweeps or older (based on what I believe is the prevailing headcanon in the fandom). Remember that there was an Imperial decree that banished all adults from the homeworld. No exceptions.

The Cafe is also set outside any sort of Sgrub or S***b continuity. No troll should know about the game, Skaia, the moons, meteors, or humans. Save that for an actual session roleplay.

Notice to newer players!: I highly encourage you to post a profile in the trollslum thread or in the new critique thread before starting your roleplaying experience in the Cafe. Getting some feedback on your character before you start playing them can help you make an even better character and avoid some common pitfalls newer players make!

2: Joining the Café

How do you join? Just post! There are no pre-requisites and no screening (for better or for worse). Just jump in, find someone who isn’t already in a scene, and start a conversation.

3: Posting in the Café

A few guidelines for how to post here:

*It is generally helpful if you clearly indicate which character you are speaking to if you are initiating a conversation.

*You can quote a previous post to enhance the clarity of your response, but please spoiler images, and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.

*Indicate OOC conversation by double paranthesis (()), or double brackets [[]] if you prefer, or by some other method that clearly indicates you are speaking OOC.

*Do not post only OOC chatter. Go to the Trollslum GenChat for that.

4: Joining a Conversation

Before you have your character wander up to someone and start chatting, check to see if the other character is already talking, and to whom. Sometimes two characters are having a light chat and you may be able to get away with approaching them. Other times, they may be having a serious discussion and would not appreciate the intrusion. Like real-life, think carefully before you walk up to someone and interrupt them, and if they ignore you or tell you to go away, respect that!

5: Fights
Fights are going to need a list of rules all its own. This may very well be one of the most important sections, so please read it carefully!

1) Avoid fights whenever possible! If there are any other viable options for your character besides “pull out a weapon,” do that instead! Yes, I’m sure you want to show off how “badass” your character is, but ultimately getting in a fight is just going to make you look silly and probably like kind of a jerk. Yes, you may be thinking that “trolls are violent pricks,” but remember that the primary purpose of the Café is to develop your character, and fights are not the best way to do that. This doesn't mean that you can't play a mean, provocative character, just know your limits!

2) If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other player(s) by PM or your preferred chat client to try and work things out before you both start throwing posts at each other. If you have an end result you are working towards, it is less likely that your fight will completely devolve into a “show them up” contest.

3) Follow proper etiquette! What do I mean? If you do end up in a fight, the way you describe your character acting is what may separate you from a God Moder and someone with class. Here are some dos and don’ts:

”I cut your character’s arm off with my sword.” Very bad! If you do something like this, you are inflicting an injury on another character without giving them a chance to respond or avoid. Basically, you’re an asshole.

“I shoot your character in the face.” Bad. It is worded in such a way that it suggests the blow already landed.

“I aim at your character’s face and fire.” Probably the best you can do. It explains your action and gives the other player an opportunity to dodge the attack, or not, as they wish.

4) Don’t get involved in someone else’s fight! Unless your troll is good friends with one of the participants, it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved in someone else’s battle. On the whole, trolls are not very charitable. Group fights are just a mess and a bad idea.

5) Don’t fight at all if you can help it! Yes, this rule warrants repeating. It is entirely possible to play a mean, jackass character without provoking a fight every time you talk to someone. BE THE BIGGER MAN (OR WOMAN)! If it looks like you’re going to start a fight, back off! Contrary to what you might think, you’ll earn more respect from your peers than if you start trying to beat the other character up.

6: Romance

Trolls have quadrants. Romance is gonna happen. Now, it’s not my place to tell you how to live your love (or hate) lives. However, I ask that you all keep things clean. If your characters are going to go beyond snuggling and smooching, take it to PMs, an IRC, or a private chat. I’m trying to run a respectable establishment, here.

Addendum:
Due to events both past and present, I am revising the rules on what should and should not be posted in the Cafe thread regarding romantic matters. Please remember that this Cafe is a public space. Think about what a person might or might not do in public: Hand holding, a light kiss, maybe a brief makeout if the couple is feeling rowdy. Trolls would not go the the Cafe solely for the purpose of making out with their significant other(s). Would you go to a restaurant or other public venue just to start eating face with someone else? If the answer is "yes," you kind of have a problem.

Also note that, according to this log, trolls are a bit shy about their flushed feelings. Yes, it's Nepeta's perspective, but also note that Karkat has been shy about his relationship with Terezi, as well. This is the canon we have to refer to.

So, practically speaking, what does this mean? I'll tell you.

*If you bring a character in solely to grab a booth and make-out, I will tell you to leave. You can do that over Private Messages, Pesterchum, Typewith.me, or anything else.

*If any spontaneous make-outs that do crop up go on for more than a few posts, I will tell you to stop.

*Any kind of fondling, groping, lewd, sexual, or otherwise questionable behavior is expressly forbidden. We don't want to see it. Take it elsewhere. This also includes excessively detailed descriptions of a make-out.

Don't get me wrong. I fully understand that romance is a fun part of RP in general, and trollplay in particular. Yet it is also important to consider the context of where this is happening, and the Cafe thread is also supposed to be for character development. "But Whosit! This romantic relationship is development for my character!" you might say. Well, yes. How a relationship grows and develops is very important to development. Sloppy make-outs, however, do not really develop anything. They are just sloppy.

7: Problems

Gotta face facts: Problems are gonna crop up. Maybe it’s another player, maybe a fight broke out and someone is god moding, maybe someone decided that it would be awesome to bring in the rainbow-drinker rainbowblood who’s gonna be the next empress and who is secretly the lover of all the canon trolls. All of them. If you have a problem with someone, contact them. Privately and politely. It is not good to make a scene in public. If you are particularly adverse to conflict, you can contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

Likewise, if I see something I think is a problem, I will PM you and try to straighten things out to everyone’s benefit. Note that I will ask you to withdraw or revise a character if I think they will remain problematic as they are. I want everyone to have fun, but I also believe that the fun of the many outweighs the fun of the few.

8: Rules Change

I reserve the right to change or revise these rules at any time with or without notification. So remember to check back occasionally to refresh yourself!

9: Fun

Have fun!

Or else!

Also, be polite, kids!

FAQ
(Okay, I don't really get many questions, but this seemed like the best label for this section.)

Q: What if I want to roleplay something that isn't allowed in the Cafe?

A: There are several other mediums for roleplaying: Instant messengers, including the fan-made Pesterchum client; typewith.me or sync.in collaborative documents; private messages. In theory, after characters meet in the Cafe, they can continue roleplaying elsewhere.

Archives

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The Fifteenth
The Sixteenth
The Seventeenth
The Eighteenth
The Nineteenth
The Twentieth!
The Twenty-first
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The Fortieth!
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The Fiftieth

The Precursor

[Flamerider64]

Well, looks like she's not contributing much of a subject either. Thankfully, Litmen thinks pretty fast on her feet.

You^ seem- to^ be^ enjoying- yourself-. If- you^ don't- mind- me^ saying- at- least-.
Engorging- on- simple^ pleasures- I^ see^.

I said she thinks fast, not intelligently.

[InsanicAsu]

He scoots a chair out and sits down.
you sseem... upsset... are you not feeling well...?

[Steev]

Czapra races into the cafe at an absurd speed. She does a front flip over the bar and lands on a pointed toe. This girl needs to get her Chargebeast chug on in the worst way.

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRP »:3

(( barely missing the 50th cafe thread anniversary thing like a boss ))

[scintillatingMoniker]

...

Cignis stands up and glares down at her.

I guess I shquld just gq and get a spaceship.
Yqu knqw.
In case I need jt tq swat a fly.

[Nightcastle]

Oh... Okay. Sorry for th< misund>rstanding.

You finish your second glass. You pull out your notepad sheet with your quadrants on it under the table, and get a pencil, pointing it at the "Mat<spirit" box.

[Fexxos Vyront]

You hesitate.
i... No. i'm Fine.
This lie couldn't be more obvious if you ACTUALLY had a rain cloud over your head.

[arsenicCatswag]

Oh god. This cake...isn't good at all. Everyone goes on and on about how cake is amazing and delicious and sweet but this is shit and whoever made it should feel like shit. Disgusted, you take the plate of cake and toss it somewhere across the cafe. You wasted money on THIS? You'd rather be eating raw musclebeast.

Oh...you turn your attention back to Litmen and smile nervously.

oh, i sorry!! i not pay attention for second...uh, i not really enjoy cake, it not good like everyone say it be. it way too sweet and why it be covered in thick white stuff?? i not like it. cake bad. ):

[madBrewski]

i vuuld much rathcr bc hivclcss than livc in a hivcstccm...

ugh! just the thought of all those trolls in one place makes her cringe!

su if yuu arcnt luuking fur supur slimc thcn vhu thc fuck arc yuu and vhat du yuu vant vith mc?

[Dudemaster47]

see ya.

You sip your coffee.

[InsanicAsu]

are you ssure...? you don't sseem fine to me...
It takes a second, but he realizes he's totally interrogating a stranger and shuts up.
i'm ssorry... itss none of my bussinessss iss it...?


Well, with Horrin gone, Daemic is back to sipping tea all by his lonesome.

[Tekkenfreak4]

{[(o)_(o)]} ah ha! thErE it
is! aLright, timE to
party!

You turn on your turntables and test everything... you scratch your records to make sure the speakers work...

[Captain Whosit]

Bluh, bluh. Staring at all the dumb annoying trolls in this place. Lots of low-bloods, too....

Oh, there's that half-robot sea dweller who seems to be alone now. Altaia sorta remembers her from... something. She heads over.

=|==> Hey there... how'5 5tuff? She manages to be polite enough to not point out the cybernetics.

[Overlard]

hmph.

This conversation is going pleasantly.

i'm sEaNti, siNcE you appaRENtly waNt my NamE so bad. aNd i caN't just talk with a fEllow fREakiNG low blood? it has to bE somE soRt of busiNEss thiNG?

[Fexxos Vyront]

It takes you all of five seconds to realize you're being stupid.
uh... Sorry. i'm Just worried I won't Impress a Potential matesprit...

[Flamerider64]

Ah-, right-. My^ bad-.
It's- an- aquired- taste^ I^ guess-.
Either- that- or- the^ cake^ they^ serve^ here^ really^ is- that- bad-.

But- I^ digress-.

Okay. Now what?

My^ name^ is- Litmen-, if- you^ wanted- to^ know- that-.

That's almost the most I-don't-care way of saying your name, of course, because she said it, it's not so bad. It is justified by this point infact.

[Steev]

There appears to be an orangeblooded gent sitting all by his lonesome at a table, sipping... tea? Boring. That won't do.
Czapra shouts at Daemic:

Hey TEA BOY! Ever thoughta SPIKIN' that bland shit with somethin' that hahs some REAL KICK?? »;3

Then she just throws a can of Red Chargebeast at his head.

[InsanicAsu]

oh... i'm ssure it will be okay... i know the feeling though... itss not pleassant...
He frowns a bit.
but i'm ssure... if thiss troll already... likess you... it'll be fine...


Daemic sets his tea down and barely manages to catch the Red Chargebeast that's been thrown at him.
tea definitely has a kick if you get the right kind~
He gets up and walks over to Czapra, reading the ingredients to the drink.
this stuff sounds pretty packed with energy though a lot more than the tea~

[arsenicCatswag]

Shrugging, you place your hands in your lap. You really hope that cake didn't hit anyone. You don't even know what manners ARE....

it not like i want try cake, but at same time, i want try cake!! anyway...

i bislia cleric!! it nice meet you! where you from? how many sweep you be?? i not ask too many question, right?

[Fexxos Vyront]

You dwell on this.

Yeah! you're Right. i Have nothing To worry About! i Think.

[Dudemaster47]

huh? oh hey.

Suddenly your phone beeps.

...fuck, i 6o77a 6o. well wha7ever low8lood ill see ya la7er if yer s7ill around.

You abscond.

((Sorry, I actually have to head out))

[InsanicAsu]

yess... oh... um... im ellair by the way...
He considers extending a hand for a handshake, but decides against it, though that didn't stop the awkward twitch of almost going through with a motion.

[Steev]

Silly orangeblood with his tea. Czapra had better set him straight. She hops up on the bar and puts on her best product-pitch voice.

PACKED??? Bahaha! It ain't JUST PACKED, this shit's MADE OF LIGHTNING!! Just like ME!
Whaht kinda TEA could kick you in the ass NEARLY as hahrd as a CAN AH CHARGEBEAST, AH?????

Turns out her best product pitch makes her sound like a drug addict. Which, essentially, she is.

[Captain Whosit]

=|==> ...Meh. 5crew th15. Altaia leaves because she doesn't feel like tracking down another conversation partner.

[InsanicAsu]

Daemic suddenly regrets coming over here and begins to look for a way to escape.
uhh thats good for you i dont think my stomach would be very happy if i drank one of these you know i try to stick with the natural stuff~
He slowly edges away, trying and failing to not look utterly freaked out.