TROLLSLUM CAFE LIII: The New Regime

[Captain Whosit]

Announcement:

I will no longer make new Cafe threads, nor will I attempt to regulate what happens in the thread. The Cafe will be continued on by:

*Pootporri
*Monster X

They may designate additional assistants at a future time.

For now, all current rules remain in place, but expect them to be revised by the next thread.

Have fun.

Welcome the Trollslum Café!

Our Guiding Principle: We are all fans of Homestuck in general, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and if we like to make fantrolls, we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to bring new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. The primary purpose of the Café is to provide a vague social setting in which characters can meet, mingle, and talk. It is a good way to get introduced to other characters that you can then troll on trollian/pesterchum, or get involved with in a more specific RP. It can also be a decent place to hang out.

Below are some rules that I would like you to follow when you are posting in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!

1: Characters and Setting

The Café is located somewhere on Alternia. Where exactly? Who knows, and it doesn’t really matter. It is somehow easily accessible by nearly every troll on the planet. Keep in mind that this place is located on Alternia (the troll homeworld which is populated by the troll young only) when you are developing a character for the Café. Aliens, freaks, and mutants will not last long on Alternia! Undead creatures are also not likely to be treated with compassion by living trolls. (If I did not make this clear: No humans, freaks, abominations, undead, ghosts, or crazy mutants!) Also note that adults are not allowed in the Cafe. For the purposes of this thread, a troll is an "adult" when they are 10 sweeps or older (based on what I believe is the prevailing headcanon in the fandom). Remember that there was an Imperial decree that banished all adults from the homeworld. No exceptions.

The Cafe is also set outside any sort of Sgrub or S***b continuity. No troll should know about the game, Skaia, the moons, meteors, or humans. Save that for an actual session roleplay.

Notice to newer players!: I highly encourage you to post a profile in the trollslum thread or in the new critique thread before starting your roleplaying experience in the Cafe. Getting some feedback on your character before you start playing them can help you make an even better character and avoid some common pitfalls newer players make!

2: Joining the Café

How do you join? Just post! There are no pre-requisites and no screening (for better or for worse). Just jump in, find someone who isn’t already in a scene, and start a conversation.

3: Posting in the Café

A few guidelines for how to post here:

*It is generally helpful if you clearly indicate which character you are speaking to if you are initiating a conversation.

*You can quote a previous post to enhance the clarity of your response, but please spoiler images, and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.

*Indicate OOC conversation by double paranthesis (()), or double brackets [[]] if you prefer, or by some other method that clearly indicates you are speaking OOC.

*Do not post only OOC chatter. Go to the Trollslum GenChat for that.

4: Joining a Conversation

Before you have your character wander up to someone and start chatting, check to see if the other character is already talking, and to whom. Sometimes two characters are having a light chat and you may be able to get away with approaching them. Other times, they may be having a serious discussion and would not appreciate the intrusion. Like real-life, think carefully before you walk up to someone and interrupt them, and if they ignore you or tell you to go away, respect that!

5: Fights
Fights are going to need a list of rules all its own. This may very well be one of the most important sections, so please read it carefully!

1) Avoid fights whenever possible! If there are any other viable options for your character besides “pull out a weapon,” do that instead! Yes, I’m sure you want to show off how “badass” your character is, but ultimately getting in a fight is just going to make you look silly and probably like kind of a jerk. Yes, you may be thinking that “trolls are violent pricks,” but remember that the primary purpose of the Café is to develop your character, and fights are not the best way to do that. This doesn't mean that you can't play a mean, provocative character, just know your limits!

2) If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other player(s) by PM or your preferred chat client to try and work things out before you both start throwing posts at each other. If you have an end result you are working towards, it is less likely that your fight will completely devolve into a “show them up” contest.

3) Follow proper etiquette! What do I mean? If you do end up in a fight, the way you describe your character acting is what may separate you from a God Moder and someone with class. Here are some dos and don’ts:

”I cut your character’s arm off with my sword.” Very bad! If you do something like this, you are inflicting an injury on another character without giving them a chance to respond or avoid. Basically, you’re an asshole.

“I shoot your character in the face.” Bad. It is worded in such a way that it suggests the blow already landed.

“I aim at your character’s face and fire.” Probably the best you can do. It explains your action and gives the other player an opportunity to dodge the attack, or not, as they wish.

4) Don’t get involved in someone else’s fight! Unless your troll is good friends with one of the participants, it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved in someone else’s battle. On the whole, trolls are not very charitable. Group fights are just a mess and a bad idea.

5) Don’t fight at all if you can help it! Yes, this rule warrants repeating. It is entirely possible to play a mean, jackass character without provoking a fight every time you talk to someone. BE THE BIGGER MAN (OR WOMAN)! If it looks like you’re going to start a fight, back off! Contrary to what you might think, you’ll earn more respect from your peers than if you start trying to beat the other character up.

6: Romance

Trolls have quadrants. Romance is gonna happen. Now, it’s not my place to tell you how to live your love (or hate) lives. However, I ask that you all keep things clean. If your characters are going to go beyond snuggling and smooching, take it to PMs, an IRC, or a private chat. I’m trying to run a respectable establishment, here.

Addendum:
Due to events both past and present, I am revising the rules on what should and should not be posted in the Cafe thread regarding romantic matters. Please remember that this Cafe is a public space. Think about what a person might or might not do in public: Hand holding, a light kiss, maybe a brief makeout if the couple is feeling rowdy. Trolls would not go the the Cafe solely for the purpose of making out with their significant other(s). Would you go to a restaurant or other public venue just to start eating face with someone else? If the answer is "yes," you kind of have a problem.

Also note that, according to this log, trolls are a bit shy about their flushed feelings. Yes, it's Nepeta's perspective, but also note that Karkat has been shy about his relationship with Terezi, as well. This is the canon we have to refer to.

So, practically speaking, what does this mean? I'll tell you.

*If you bring a character in solely to grab a booth and make-out, I will tell you to leave. You can do that over Private Messages, Pesterchum, Typewith.me, or anything else.

*If any spontaneous make-outs that do crop up go on for more than a few posts, I will tell you to stop.

*Any kind of fondling, groping, lewd, sexual, or otherwise questionable behavior is expressly forbidden. We don't want to see it. Take it elsewhere. This also includes excessively detailed descriptions of a make-out.

Don't get me wrong. I fully understand that romance is a fun part of RP in general, and trollplay in particular. Yet it is also important to consider the context of where this is happening, and the Cafe thread is also supposed to be for character development. "But Whosit! This romantic relationship is development for my character!" you might say. Well, yes. How a relationship grows and develops is very important to development. Sloppy make-outs, however, do not really develop anything. They are just sloppy.

7: Problems

Gotta face facts: Problems are gonna crop up. Maybe it’s another player, maybe a fight broke out and someone is god moding, maybe someone decided that it would be awesome to bring in the rainbow-drinker rainbowblood who’s gonna be the next empress and who is secretly the lover of all the canon trolls. All of them. If you have a problem with someone, contact them. Privately and politely. It is not good to make a scene in public. If you are particularly adverse to conflict, you can contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

Likewise, if I see something I think is a problem, I will PM you and try to straighten things out to everyone’s benefit. Note that I will ask you to withdraw or revise a character if I think they will remain problematic as they are. I want everyone to have fun, but I also believe that the fun of the many outweighs the fun of the few.

8: Rules Change

I reserve the right to change or revise these rules at any time with or without notification. So remember to check back occasionally to refresh yourself!

9: Fun

Have fun!

Or else!

Also, be polite, kids!

FAQ
(Okay, I don't really get many questions, but this seemed like the best label for this section.)

Q: What if I want to roleplay something that isn't allowed in the Cafe?

A: There are several other mediums for roleplaying: Instant messengers, including the fan-made Pesterchum client; typewith.me or sync.in collaborative documents; private messages. In theory, after characters meet in the Cafe, they can continue roleplaying elsewhere.

Archives

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The First
The Second
The Third
The Fourth
The Fifth
The Sixth
The Seventh
The Eighth
The Ninth
The Tenth
The Eleventh
The Twelfth
The Thirteenth
The Fourteenth
The Fifteenth
The Sixteenth
The Seventeenth
The Eighteenth
The Nineteenth
The Twentieth!
The Twenty-first
The Twenty-second
The Twenty-third
The Twenty-fourth
The Twenty-fifth
The Twenty-sixth
The Twenty-seventh
The Twenty-eighth
The Twenty-ninth
The Thirtieth
The Thirty-first
The Thirty-second
The Thirty-third
The Thirty-fourth
The Thirty-fifth
The Thirty-sixth
The Thirty-seventh
The Thirty-eighth
The Thirty-ninth
The Fortieth!
The Forty-first
The Forty-second
The Forty-third
The Forty-fourth
The Forty-fifth
The Forty-sixth
The Forty-seventh
The Forty-eighth
The Forty-ninth
The Fiftieth
The Fifty-first
The Fifty-second

The Precursor

[amnesiaDinosaur]

The scythe is indeed broken, although Mureta manages to keep her hand on the bladed end. She's pretty much behind him at this point, bringing the blade to his neck again.

}EXECUTE(try thaaat agaaain motherfuuucker){

A grin flashes across his face as he grabs the blade, his thick leather gloves wrapping around it. He pushes it to the side and spins around, greataxe in one hand.

[Fexxos Vyront]

................
....................
.................................
If there's anything you've learned, it's BRING NOBODY TO YOUR REAL HIVE.
Sadly, you have no choice. In your condition, you could only remember the directions to your hive on the phone, and you have no backups.
You struggle with this for a while.

[Syvar]

Varnus taps his foot, and puts the top back on the vial.
Jusst let me know when you want me to brreak him.
"JUSST DO IT NOW!"

[Monster X]

Coffin walks into the cafe, smirking, and leans against a wall. He quietly watches the rather rowdy cafe, and grimaces. He spends enough time working with drunkards that fights are rather... bad for him.

But Coffin watches all the same, leaning again.

[Weeaboo]

SomEthinG thE mattEr, Avi?

[Dudemaster47]

As he spins, she moves with him, the length and curved shape of the scythe blade allowing her to keep it against his neck despite it being pushed away.

}EXECUTE(as i saaaid before){
}EXECUTE(move and you diiie){
}EXECUTE(you haaave one second to drop your weeeapon and your hands or youll be missing a head){

[Fexxos Vyront]

You blink.
You're asking A... yeah... To bring You to His hive. I realize We're moirails, Shyama, but Please understand I'm having A serious Moral debate Here...

[Pootporri]

And then for once in a very long time, Pootporri threw another troll in. This one happens to actually have a profile, happen anyone get confused as to what her name is or what ridiculous outfit that she's wearing. But as per usual, she has an AB like everyone else. But don't tell her that, that would be meta. And we all know how bad that is.


W--ow, pe--ople are like... Fighting! C--o--ol!

She goes and sits down at a table, ordering herself a cup of coffee, as per custom at a cafe.

[mr_19]

It's like watching one of his favorite dances in a theater.
She wont do it, she doesn't the stomach for it. he thinks in his head.

[Weeaboo]

Is it dUE to yoUr cUrrEnt job? Why not tELL yoUr sUppliEr to sEnd it to Shyama's hivE instEad? WoULdn't it bE simplEr that way?

[amnesiaDinosaur]

Kaspar drops his axe and steps on it, only to shoot his other hand up and grab the small amount of shaft the he can, his other hand still on the blade. He attempts to push the scythe out of her hands and onto the ground.

[Dudemaster47]

}EXECUTE(VARNUUUS NOW){
}THIS.DIE(!!!);

While you wait for Varnus to back you up, you fight his strength as much as you possibly can in order to keep him occupied.

[Captain Whosit]

This twerp wanders in, grabs a seat, and orders some tea. He pulls out a book to read while he waits.

[Fexxos Vyront]

....
That would have been simpler. But that puts Shyama at risk.
So does the Moiralegiance.
Your potential Matespritship puts Terott at risk...
You are OVERWHELMED WITH POTENTIAL RISKS.
I... uh... But... no. Risks and... Fatalities... numbers Are too High...

[Weeaboo]

FataLitiEs......? JUst what kind of bUsinEss arE yoU in, Avi?

Some have to question it...

[Fexxos Vyront]

You're certain you told her about your job...
That was when Polair found out.
You bite your thumb and squirm...
.... help Me up... Directions... uh... Yeah...

[Syvar]

Ok.
He downs the vial and his mind explodes with rage.

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((You can practically feel the rage. Just look at that change in expression. JK, of course. Little bit of Eskies's blood on his mouth there.))

"HAHAHA, WE WILL RRELISSH YOURR SSCRREAMSS!"
And he grabs Kaspar by the back of his neck, forcing every negative emotion of his entire life into the tealblood.
Omaley's laughter fills their minds.
Varnus's remembers Octana's screams, and Omaley laughs even harder.
The two souls housed in Varnus's head were one, with one single goal:
Fuck up this tealblooded asshat.

[Pootporri]

Saidey finds Salom. She's instantly drawn in, and runs over to him.


Oh my g--od, I didn't kn--ow they made eyepatches that shape! Hi! Can I t--ouch it? What's y--our name, I'm Saidey!

She plops into a seat next to Salom, eagerly smiling at him. Apparently right now, oval-shaped eyepatches are leagues more interesting than fights.

As promised before, she sticks her hand out, eager to touch a complete stranger's eyepatchglasses.

[amnesiaDinosaur]

A choked noise escapes his lips before he lifts up one of his black steel boots and tries to kick Varnus in the bulge.

[mr_19]

He is both amused by the torture and confused by it at the same time. How is varnus managing to do that to one of such higher blood?

[Syvar]

((Drugs, Mr_19, drugs explain everything. Namely Eskies's blood. Has a similar effect on Varnus's horrible depression as mind honey has on Sollux's whatever. It's a lifetime of misery.))

Varnus/Omaley puts his thigh between said boot and bulge.
"RREALLY, ISS THAT ALL?!"
He unsheathes Fear's Grip and runs it along Kaspar's back, teal blood dripping down it's edge.
"WE WERRE HOPING FORR MORRE FRROM YOU, TEALBLOOD."

[Dudemaster47]

Your grip on your scythe blade weakens as you start feeling the effects of the accumulation as well. You use every ounce of strength you have to keep conscious and keep the blade firmly against Kaspar's neck.

[Weeaboo]

Not UntiL yoU tELL Shyama why yoU cannot aLLow thE packagE to bE dELivErEd to Shyama's hivE.

[amnesiaDinosaur]

Kaspar is still holding onto the scythe, and uses all the strength he can muster to pull it away from his neck and onto the ground. "I didnn't expect... such unnderhannded tactics..."