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Thread: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

  1. #1
    codingTornado's Avatar
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    D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf



    You are now BEMBUL KOGANRIMTAR, you are a seasoned adventurer! No you are not, you have just left your fortress out of spite; You were in the main hall taking a break from your duties as a HAULER and enjoying some fine SEWER BREW, which is probably the most caustic and cheap alcohol ever brewed by any dwarf, when one drunk ass came and started insulting your honour... well, not really but he was very insulting how he mentioned all your ancestors were haulers... well, not really but you leashed back at him and now you left having sworn you would find the LOST KIMBERLITE EARING CUGGANTOSED ZIMKEL DIMOL(Which is dwarven for Sandstopped the Plain of Lurking).
    You ponder a moment on why all artefacts are so dumbly named.

    You are now in the entrance room to CEROL AMEM, the Lenses of Curling, behind you is a heavy steel door. White alabaster tiles pave the room, and lined by granite columns the path into the bowels of the fortress is made clear.

    What do you do Bembul?
    >_

  2. #2
    yes. of course sp39's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    >acquire carp

    or

    >review the items you have packed for the upcoming journey

  3. #3
    codingTornado's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf



    Quote Originally Posted by sp39 View Post
    >acquire carp
    OH NO, NOT THOSE FINNED DEVILS NO. Last week Steve was eaten by one of those monsters... Poor Steve... You feel like going into a tantrum just from the mere thought... The only thing nagging you is the uncomfortable truth that CARPS ARE TASTY AND YOU LOVE THEIR MEAT, dwarf souls makes it soft and tasty you guess?

    Quote Originally Posted by sp39 View Post
    >review the items you have packed for the upcoming journey
    You prepared well for the journey, you packed... wait a second, this is not the things you stole from the stockpiles!
    You are currently carrying:
    • Backpack
      • Pigtail Rope(10 metres long)
      • A bauxite mechanism
    • Bronze War Hammer [Wielded - Left hand]
    • Iron Buckler [Wielded - Right hand]
    • Bronze Armour [Worn]
    • Bronze Greaves [Worn]
    • Brass Gauntlets(Artefact: The Baby of Doom) [Worn]
    • 4 days worth of food and... ugh, water...


    Uhhhh... You guess someone was going to run off with The Baby of Doom?

    Ok, what now? You are still by the entrance... Are you such a coward you will go back?

  4. #4
    Detracts from the brand. McBearson's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > unequip everything and look for a fight. You shall be knuckle king.


    RPG QUEST ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Nucklechuts's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    Go NORTH.

    Also, I tried making a nethackquest thread a while ago and it didn't work out. Good luck with this one!
    Last edited by Nucklechuts; 09-27-2011 at 04:15 PM.
    I used to be lupinePugilist, until I saw how retarded that name was, even as a chumhandle.
    Now I'm Nucklechuts, and my chumhandle is lordPirão.

  6. #6
    codingTornado's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf



    Quote Originally Posted by McBearson View Post
    > unequip everything and look for a fight. You shall be knuckle king.
    Okay, but the armour stays... Who knows what kind of sadistic sociopath with a pointy stick might be hiding in this place. You are now ready to wrestle the shit out of this place.
    Bembul: -RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-

    Quote Originally Posted by Nucklechuts View Post
    Go NORTH.
    Despite your incredibly crappy sense of direction you stride full of confidence on yourself though the hall right into the corridor leading inside; You decide that you can't go back on your words, you have to take it like a DWARF and face this head on



    Orangey red petrified wood statues greet you. Two statues of strong armoured dwarves, each carrying a spear, flank the entrance, at the center of the room, surrounded by 4 statues of... a carp arched over some cheese? Wow shit, this fortress must have had some insanely crazy people... You are starting to consider you might be the only sane dwarf out there, those statues would have been much better if they were of COWS and PLUMP HELMETS, the cows should be embracing the plump helmets.
    Ok, you kind of drifted a bit there... in the centre of the room a really big stairway leads up and down. Where do you want to go?








  7. #7
    Detracts from the brand. McBearson's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Bembul: Descend.


    RPG QUEST ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!

  8. #8
    This Immortal GenetiXientist's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    Oh my god dorf fortress adventure

    >Bembul: Review pantheon.

  9. #9

    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Bembul: Train [S]neaking.

  10. #10
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    Train Comedian. Get attacked by Batmen.

    Also, check inventory.
    Last edited by Nucklechuts; 09-28-2011 at 04:00 PM.
    I used to be lupinePugilist, until I saw how retarded that name was, even as a chumhandle.
    Now I'm Nucklechuts, and my chumhandle is lordPirão.

  11. #11
    codingTornado's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf



    Quote Originally Posted by GenetiXientist View Post
    Oh my god dorf fortress adventure

    >Bembul: Review pantheon.
    You are a follower of Lokum the Savage Hatchets. Lokum most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with rainbows and oaths... You've sworn you'd find that earring, your goddess will not be very pleased if you were to break that oath.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zaltys View Post
    > Bembul: Train [S]neaking.
    You are now sneaking. Your speed has greatly decreased since you are a smelly and noisy hauling dwarf... You are convinced you are Otthat Controlkey, deity of silence, made dwarf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nucklechuts View Post
    Train Comedian. Get attacked by Batmen.

    Also, check inventory.
    Bat men? WHERE?! ....... Well, there don't seem to be any batmen around here; Dude, that was scary... Luckily you are the worst comedian ever, there is not way in the world they would target you first... OH MY GODDESS YOU ARE ALONE HERE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

    > Bembul: Flip your shit a bit


    Ok... ok... it's okay, calm down... it's very unlikely that you will find any batmen at all and you are sure you can D0rf of the North Star your way through them anyway... Let's check your inventory again

    You are currently carrying:
    • Backpack
      • Pigtail Rope(10 metres long)
      • A bauxite mechanism
      • Bronze War Hammer [Not weilded]
      • Iron Buckler [Not weilded]
      • Bronze Greaves [Not Worn]
      • Brass Gauntlets(Artefact: The Baby of Doom) [Not Worn]
    • Bronze Armour [Worn]
    • 4 days worth of food and... ugh, water...


    Quote Originally Posted by McBearson View Post
    > Bembul: Descend.
    You will descend into the depths... YOU ARE DOING THIS BRO, YOU ARE MAKING THIS HAPPEN B^y



    ... Is that a bat man sitting by the north eastern statue? OHSHIT IT IS! It doesn't seem to have noticed you yet.

    Status: Very Strong, Healthy, not Tired, not Thirsty, not Hungry. [S]tealthy(Therefore slow)

    >_

  12. #12
    Detracts from the brand. McBearson's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Bembul Koganrimtar's punch-out.


    RPG QUEST ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!

  13. #13
    codingTornado's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf



    You are now SHIHK, the bat man, your day couldn't have been any more horrible. Your tribe expelled you for being an INCOMPETENT FOOL. You have been dubbed as THE UNLUCKIEST CREATURE THIS SIDE OF THE CHASM and you believe them, every hunt you have been to has failed as did everything you took part of.
    Now, exiled you wait by the HOLY FIGURE OF CARP, spirit of food and abundance, for your end to come. What you don't currently know is that there is a dark figure about to assault you.

    Quote Originally Posted by McBearson View Post
    > Bembul Koganrimtar's punch-out.


    A grubby pair of hands pick you up and turn you around, twisting you into some kind of grappling position. Man, you can't believe you are so useless you couldn't even smell this coming because HELL IF THIS GUYS REEKS OF SWEAT. You struggle lightly but you don't even have the will to really fight back... So THIS is the end...

    >_

  14. #14
    Doorhandle's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    >*CRUNCH*
    Can't draw. Can't plot. Can bullshiz a little.
    --------------------------------------
    Tvtropes Migrant. be advised.
    --------------------------
    I am forced to use the greatest surgical instrument of all: insanity!

  15. #15

    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Bembul Koganrimtar spend 4 hours grappling and then systematically break every bone in his body

  16. #16
    Detracts from the brand. McBearson's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Bembul: Ruin it.


    RPG QUEST ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!

  17. #17
    This Immortal GenetiXientist's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    >Bembul: Repeatedly grab the bat man's left front molar.

  18. #18
    codingTornado's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf



    Quote Originally Posted by Doorhandle View Post
    >*CRUNCH*
    Quote Originally Posted by maxicaxi View Post
    > Bembul Koganrimtar spend 4 hours grappling and then systematically break every bone in his body
    Quote Originally Posted by McBearson View Post
    > Bembul: Ruin it.
    Quote Originally Posted by GenetiXientist View Post
    >Bembul: Repeatedly grab the bat man's left front molar.
    [Disclaimer: I'm taking *CRUNCH* as the bat man getting killed, so the following has been decided by a d8 since you are half and half]

    OH GODS WHY? The stinking thing grappling you has decided to put his hands into your mouth!? WRYYYY?

    > Bembul: Be obsessed with taking this motherfucker's teeth first

    > Both: Be silly, don't give a damn.



    After 4 hours of grappling and bluh bluhing Bembul finally gives up trying to get that molar leaving Shihk the uncomfortable sensation that his mouth is at least 3 times bigger

    >_

  19. #19
    Detracts from the brand. McBearson's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Bembul: Get bored and move on. Maybe there are monsters with more pliable molars around.

    > Shihk: Skulk off. That is, if you're concious enough to skulk.


    RPG QUEST ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!

  20. #20
    502 Bad Gateway poiz's Avatar
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    Re: D0rfquest: You are now a d0rf

    > Train throwing. Get some random piece of junk, throw it, get that piece of junk, throw it back, and repeat until you can throw a ball of vomit so hard it breaks bones.
    Wait for it.

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