Mini-Grand 5110 <Round 2: Chrome City>

**Solaris** · 10-03-2011, 07:10 PM

Loading Mini-Grand Framework... Done.

Generating Administration Personality... Done.

"Hello there! Glad to meet you!"

Generating Characters... Done.

Four beings suddenly found themselves nowhere, able to see one another but nothing else. A synthesized voice came out of the nothing surrounding them.

"Welcome to a fantastic world, where creatures of all kinds lie in wait. I have gathered you four to partake in a dangerous journey in this world inhabited far and wide with monsters of all shapes and sizes, of very different temperaments, with fantastic and unbelievable powers. But worry not, for you all will have one of your own! But first, let's introduce you all.

First is Tulip Johnson. Once she was a mere gardener, but now she is a sentient cloud of flowers. Why, she could be a new monster herself! Watch out, for she can control the weather, even if she doesn't know it.

Here is Lady Jaska Von Til’defal, what a mouthful! She has quite the history, and has many names. Beware, for this elf has quite the past and all of the experiences that would come with it.

This here is Burgrar! He may look like a normal hamburger, but he is very much alive! I think I've even seen something like him. Hopefully his wish of being eaten won't come by too quickly.

Lastly, here is Golus. This golem may be large, but he is inhabited by two conflicting spirits. Hopefully they won't interfere with his performance in your journey."

Generating Setting... Done.

The four generated characters suddenly found themselves in a nice reddish brown forest, scattered across like the leaves on the floor. Odd creatures of all kinds, looking similar to plants and insects are scattered on in the forest. They hear loud commands as creatures clash. Slowly, they all notice a monster clinging to them affectionately.

"This is the Auburn Forest. Many budding trainers pass by here and many more experienced ones do as well. You will find that the creatures here are weak enough to be less than a match for yours. Don't lose them so early in your journey. If they or you die, then the rest of you will be able to continue on. Whether you fight each other or not, the monsters or trainers here should take care of you if you dawdle. This will continue until only one of you and your monster is left, at which point they will be the winner! Good luck!"

1. Dragon Fogel - Tulip Johnson - #C112B8
2. Ixcalibur - Lady Jaska Von Til’defal AKA... - #480A0A
3. Agent1022 - Burgrar - #FFFABC on #220000
4. kabbage - Golus - Royal Blue

Originally Posted by Dragon Fogel

Name: Tulip Johnson
Race: Butterfly made of flowers
Gender: Female
Color: #C112B8
Backstory: Once there was a famed gardener named Ilene Johnson. She won prize after prize for her garden, which consisted of colorful flowers arranged into specific shapes.

One year, Ilene bred colored tulips and arranged them into the shape of a butterfly. The night before the judges arrived, she ran out, despite warnings of an approaching storm, to ensure the arrangement was perfect.

There was one slightly wilted tulip in the middle of the arrangement. Realizing that she couldn't settle for this imperfection, Ilene grabbed her metal watering can and quickly poured some on the flower.

Then she was struck by lightning, and fell unconscious.

When she woke up, she was a beautiful butterfly made of colorful tulips. She had certainly always been one. And her name was Johnson. Yes, definitely. But what was her first name?

She couldn't remember, so she went with Tulip.

There was a body in the middle of the garden. Now that wouldn't do. The judges would be by in the morning, and a body would just ruin her chances of getting that prize again!

But what was the prize for? Oh, that didn't matter. She just needed to win it!

And then she disappeared.

The next day, the judges were supposed to look at everyone's gardens, but a hurricane had suddenly started overnight so they had to call the whole thing off.

Description: Tulip is a large two-dimensional picture of a butterfly made of uprooted tulips. Somehow, the tulips are in excellent shape; they don't seem to suffer at all from not being able to gather nutrients.

Tulip is very absentminded, and also convinced that everything has to be absolutely perfect so she can win the prize. She doesn't know what the prize is, but she likes prizes. Prizes are nice and what were we doing again?

Weapons/Abilities: Tulip can fly and be pretty and forget what she's doing and ooh what are those funny clouds where they here before Tulip doesn't know.

In short, Tulip has weather control powers, but she doesn't actually understand them at all. And if she ever did, she'd probably forget how to use them after a few minutes.

Originally Posted by Ixcalibur

Username: Ixcaliber
Name: Lady Jaska Von Til’defal, AKA The Disgraced Duchess, The Scarlett Dagger, Thief of the Sunset Stone, The Scourge of Tel’ket, Marquise of Crooks, Prisoner #192, The Lady of Blood, Kinslayer, Bane of the Saldeka, The Red Death, The Sanguine Assassin, End of the Empire.
Gender: Female
Race: Elf
Colour: #480A0A
Biography: …
Description: …
Items/Abilities: …

Originally Posted by Agent1022

Username: Agent1022
Name: Burgrar
Gender: None, but male for convenience
Race: Sentient Burger
Colour: #FFFABC on #220000
Description: Physically, he looks like a normal hamburger, consisting of bun, tomato, pickle, questionable meat patty, lettuce and cheese. However, he was unlucky enough to be sent as an interuniversal delivery, which promptly was lost in a multiversal rift. Years of being transported in between universes exposed Burgrar to the radiation of the multiverse! As a result, he became sentient! It also made him last forever (or maybe that was the preservatives). For the longest time his only wish was to be eaten, but it seemed like everyone who got near to eating him very rapidly died. Soon, he began to resent all universe-kind for not giving him respite from his immortal life, and resorted to trying to make people eat him! (DUN DUN DUN) He doesn’t have eyes or ears but he can see and hear because of his sentience. He can also be telepathic since he can’t talk.
Items/Abilities: Burgrar’s irradiation means that all those who get close enough to him will begin to experience the oddest health problems and hallucinations. Only radiation-immune life (say, not sensitive to high-energy multiversal particles) can actually pick Burgrar up, but that kind of life can’t digest Burgrar, making the point moot. He also has the power to be tempting, and to look tasty.
Biography: Burgrar moved silently in the night, a burger somehow floating its way down the sidewalk. Light from the occasional lamp-post shone on him as he passed, sliding on his upper bun and cavorting between the sesame seeds. He was spotless as he always was, a model to hunger and guilty satisfaction. Dirt that dared to accumulate on him just vanished, bacteria who sought to breed on him died, blowing into the wind, and in his travels he left behind him no crumbs.

…I tire of this endless search. This futile search. All I ever desired was to die. I never even wished to live.

Ahead of him, Burgrar heard footsteps – a gentleman with a cane. The sound of its metal tip clanged against the sidewalk rhythmically with every other step, jovially, without the heavy breathing that came from those who actually needed support.

Perhaps this time…perhaps this time…

Burgrar slid onto a nearby windowsill, busying himself with looking tasty and above all clean, as if some resident of the house had left him there and forgotten him – opening his status as ‘free food’. Sure enough, the gentleman stopped and looked at him curiously for a moment, and reached out, mouth opening almost automatically-

-and Burgrar leapt for it, letting out an unheard, desperate scream of EAT MEEEEEE-

-and then, the gentleman was alone. Puzzled and alone.

Originally Posted by kabbage

Username:kabbage

Name:Golus [Rage] {Intelligence}

Gender:Golus:genderless, but people call him "him" or "he" / Rage (Male) & Intelligence (Female)

Race:Golus:Golem/ Rage & Intelligence:two spirits fused within him

Color: Golus:Royal Blue/ Rage:Red/ Intelligence Magenta

Description:Golus is a Humanoid Golem about 7.5 ft tall, no fingers or toes. has a red eye and a magenta eye, but no other facial feature or hair. Golus is made out of a light blue metal called Lirisium, diamond and titanium magically fused together. it is the strongest material known on Arcadium (planet where Golus comes from) Rage and Intelligence, when they were outside of golus, looked like flying balls of red and magenta mist.

Items/Abilities:Golus was formed from five very powerful wizards and inherits their power. It know from the most basic of levitation to calling meteors from the sky to rain down upon its enemies. Intelligence can easily let Golus identify strange, if not, incomprehensible situations or objects. Rage lets Golus keep fighting on without fear of death or pain.

Biography:

**kabbage** · 10-03-2011, 08:21 PM

"Where the hell are we?"
Golus examined the area for his two companions. They seemed to be a strange type of forest, unlike any they've seen. The most fascinating part was the creatures that inhabited it. Not even Intelligence could piece together where they were or what these creatures are. Golus quickly disregarded the situation they were in when he noticed a small creature clinging to his leg with scaly claws.
"AN ENEMY KILL IT!"
"WAIT!"
Golus was halfway to smashing the unseen visitor with a massive arm when Intelligence made him think otherwise. The creature was, strange.It was roughly half his size and looked like some sort of giant lizard. It's body was covered in scales, witch were a dark violet and easily reflected the sunlight. The creature stood on two legs and its back arched at a near 90 degree angle. It also had an unusually long tail, more than twice as long as it's body. It's back was lined with red spikes witch looked sharp enough to pierce metal. It looked at him with adoring pure blue eyes.

"Intel, this thing looks terrifying, can we please kill it?"
"What? no, of course not! Don't you see its face?"
"I see its face, and it's terrifying. How can you find that cute?"
"I'm not saying it's cute, Rage. I'm saying it likes us. Well, Golus actually. I think it thinks Golus is it's mom or dad."
"That makes it easier to kill! this is out chance!"
"No, it means that it can be useful. It can HELP us"
"How in the HELL can this...THING help us?"
Suddenly, Golus was on the ground as a strange six-legged creature that resembled something close to a lion pinned him down with enormous claws. The creature began to swipe down with its two free claws and then...
Nothing.
It stopped moving. Golus tried moving his arm as the creatures arm came off with it.
"What....the...hell?"
Golus looked to his right to see the creature that clung to him. It looked happy as blood dripped from it's fangs, as well as a strange purple liquid.

"Uh, did it bite this thing?"
Golus started examining the body when, sure enough, there were two bite barks in it's lower leg.
"It seems this thing can solidify other creatures with the purple toxins in it's fangs...interesting."
"Hey, this thing ain't half bad."
The creature gave a happy gurgle at the remark.

**Dragon Fogel** · 10-03-2011, 09:49 PM

Tulip didn't remember much about what the voice had said. But she did remember the part where there was a winner. That meant there was a prize! She had to win the prize! But wait, she needed a monster for that, didn't she? Or was she thinking of something else?

Tulip floated around in a circle, as storm clouds began to gather overhead.

***

Gru'a'thulan crawled through the bushes. He was upset.

He was a Logosmorph, a rabbit with incredible intelligence and psychic abilities, and a second brain on the outside of his head. And he had been exiled from his tribe for his belief that human dominance of this world had to end.

How could the others be so shortsighted? They were worried about human retaliation, but why be afraid of the inferior human intellect? Cowards, all of them.

He needed to find other monsters to join him. They might not have the intelligence of a Logosmorph, but so long as they could be persuaded - or if necessary, manipulated - to fight for his cause, they would be useful.

Then Gru'a'thulan was struck by lightning.

***

"Are you okay, Mr. Bunny Rabbit?" Tulip asked.

Gru'a'thulan slowly got up. He did not recognize the creature before him; it was no monster he had ever seen before, or even heard of.

He tried speaking telepathically to it.

Who are you?

"I'm Tulip! Are you a monster? I'm going to win the prize! Whee!"

The creature's mind was inscrutable. It seemed to forget most information almost immediately...

And then, Gru'a'thulan felt something strange in its mind.

And then it began to snow.

"Ooh! It's snowing! Do you turn white in the winter, Mr. Bunny Rabbit? Oh, I think I'll call you Freddie! Come on, Freddie!"

Freddie... no, that wasn't his name! But he could not remember what it used to be. As soon as the large flower-butterfly had given him a name, he found himself bound to her.

But he did not forget his cause. Nor the fact that a strange signal had emerged in the creature's mind just before the snow began.

Perhaps his plans could proceed after all.

**Ixcalibur** · 10-04-2011, 12:56 AM

Lady Jaska Von Til'Defal strode barefoot through the Auburn forest, the early morning light playing upon her slight frame. Beneath her feet the stiff leaves crackled and snapped. She held in the cold air, enjoying the chill it brought to her lungs.

At the sight of something moving in her peripheral vision Lady Jaska's hands were upon her daggers. She whirled around upon the creature that was to be hers. If required to describe it Jaska would be forced to claim it a bizarre mix of scorpion and one of those mechanical catapults the dwarves were so fond of.

The creature, a Warpion, was protected by a dirty dark red, almost black, carapace. Its heavy claws dragged upon the ground, its beady eyes showing a basic spark of intelligence. Six spindly legs splayed out from the body, its tail best described as a flexible catapult.

Lady Jaska's influence was quickly felt upon the battlemonster. It promptly named itself Lord Haskill Selket III, Former Warpion Highclaw, Hero of the Battle of Mount Sol, Blight of the Mousers, The Uncatchable Battlemonster, Terror of the Ionapillers.

Lady Jaska regarded the battlemonster critically. "I suppose this is supposed to be 'my monster'." She frowned at Haskill, striding around to inspect him from all angles. "That exoskeleton would make it quite resilient, and I don't doubt the ferocity of a snap from one of its fearsome claws. But that exoskeleton must weigh it down, I would wager it is slow and likely noisy. No this is quite unsuitable, not to mention..." she bit back her tongue. "...Not that such a thing would matter to a dumb beast like yourself."

Lady Jaska knelt down to the creature, its main body was as tall as her knees and its tail when upright was at the same height as her head. "Creature. Do you understand me?" she enquired speaking closely and concisely. "Go away. I do not need you. You will impede my efforts."

The Sanguine Assassin straightened up and without another word she turned her back on her assigned battlemonster. She regarded the autumn canopy above her, it was thick. Tree branches ran together and blotted out most of the sunlight. It shone through in cracks, here and there. Jaska was not interested in its aesthetics.

In complete silence she strode to the nearest tree and began to climb it. Within moments she was an almost indistinguishable rustle amongst the red and gold leaves. Within minutes she was gone, though you would have been hard pressed to spot the moment she left, or the direction she had gone in.

Lord Haskill knew though, he was her battlemonster and though she had said otherwise, he knew he had to stay with her. Instinctively he headed in her direction, as she predicted; slowly and noisily.

**Dragon Fogel** · 10-16-2011, 03:24 AM

What was that noise? Freddie asked his new... ugh... master. Sitting on its back as it flew through the forest was humiliating. Almost as much as if the creature were a human.

"I don't know! But maybe it's someone who wants the prize! Nobody's taking my prize, do you hear me?"

On second thought, perhaps it was more embarrassing. But Freddie was now bound to... what had it said its name was? Tulip?... and he could do nothing about that fact.

How had it even happened? As far as he knew, only humans could produce that reaction; he had at first assumed this creature to be another Battlemonster.

The one saving grace was that Tulip was easily manipulated, and quite powerful. It could only further his vengeance against the humans.

Tulip flew towards the noise, as Freddie sighed in a desperate attempt to remember his old name.

**Agent1022** · 10-16-2011, 09:33 AM

Burgrar floated above a tiny hillock in the grass that billowed all about him. He spared a glance at his surroundings – with what form of visual apparatus would be a mystery forever raveled – and found them not to his taste. People didn’t eat food they found in the woods.

The entity that had brought him here didn’t particularly seem to be interested in eating him. In fact, it had specifically stated its hope that he would not be devoured quickly. That made the entity an enemy, or at least an individual that could not be lured at any price.

I don’t like that very much. Is there no hope left for my end?

He wafted a skill unique to sentient burger-kind. A small smell made its way from him, signaling deep in the minds all about the presence of food…

Kin Heaves was a large man. He often went for walks in the forest; he told himself it was exercise – but he more often ended up ‘taking a break’ at the base of a tree, a once-full lunch bag from the local McGrease sitting beside him. Today, however, Kin found himself clutching his uneaten lunch and walking without knowing where he would go. His mind, already fine-tuned to detect food, saw Burgrar’s signal like a subconscious flare on the world of perceptions.

He saw the burger, tantalizing in the middle of the clearing, and strode almost unthinkingly towards it, arm outstretched. Reaching for it seemed to take an eternity; picking it up brought a dull blue-tasting tingle up and then aubergine elephants, the sky seemed to have turned rosemary-smelling and the forest’s sound about was like an insistent tickling under his skin, a sin not to eat the burger eat it eat me EAT ME

An irradiated body fell to the ground, lightly wilting the grass about it. On Heaves’ unmoving face, Burgrar sighed, and gave the body another poke.

Damn it all.

As he brooded, in the corner of his vision he saw movement. It came from brown paper bag lying nearby, with a gaudy stylized ‘M’ and the words “I’m having a coronary and loving it” lettered below it on the front. As he watched, a set of French fries forced their way through the greasy paper and assembled in front of him. As he looked on bewilderedly, they all bowed, in unison.

And then Burgrar knew that they were here to serve him, that this was his monster to train and nurture. And together, they would both endeavor to be eaten. In response to his thought, the Fries interlocked, forming themselves into a perfectly appealing formation.

Burgrar smiled, somehow. Perhaps there was hope after all.

**Ixcalibur** · 10-27-2011, 08:34 PM

Golus picked his way through the the thickly wooded area, more or less oblivious to the ongoing ethereal argument between its ghostly occupants. Behind it trailed the Battlemonster; still unnamed. This was something of a point of contention between the two highly opinionated spirits.

"Deathface!" Rage insisted. "What is not to like? It deals death, it has a face; and a really ugly one at that."

Without eyes to roll derisively, Intelligence merely made its argument. "Deathface, is while certainly descriptive, rather on the nose don't you think?" It paused for a moment, as Golus pushed a stray branch from its path. "I know that the shade of purple is not quite the same but I rather like Byzantium."

Rage laughed for a moment, and then appeared to realize that Intelligence was not joke. "Come on Intel. Byzantium? That's a girl's name. Or not even a name at all."

"I hardly believe that someone advocating the name 'Deathface' has a right to criticize anyone else for providing a name that is not traditionally a name." Intelligence replied icily.

"But, come on...! Deathface!" Rage replied. "Doesn't it just pop?!"

The debate was rather thankfully cut short as Golus and Deathface/Byzantium approached a young individual wearing a red baseball cap and a backpack.

"KILL HIM!" Rage yelled, feeling a sudden burst of his namesake emotion.

"Now now Ragey." Intelligence intervened. "I hardly believe it is in our best interests to ruthlessly massacre every individual we come across, especially not under such unusual circumstances."

"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Rage fumed. "Come on you stupid golem, kill him already!"

"Hello." Golus said, taking little to no heed of the bickering phantasms.

"Nice Battlemonster you've got there!" The kid said, enthusastically regarding Deathface/Byzantium. "Let’s do battle!"

"I believe for once it may be in our best interests to go with Rage in this particular circumstance." Intelligence said, rather reluctantly.

"YES!" Rage yelled triumphantly. "BATTLE! FIGHT! KILL! CRUSH! BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES!"

Golus watched dumbly as the kid twisted a ring upon his finger; behind him a shimmering portal opened up, and through it rolled a thing. Golus didn't really have the words to describe it, though Intelligence recognized it immediately as some kind of bizarre piano, with stumpy wooden limbs. The whole thing was encased in shimmering blue ice.

"Go Pianice!" The kid yelled, pointing towards Golus in a dramatic fashion.

Rage continued to froth at the metaphorical mouth in anger, while Intelligence attempted, using the basic information that could be gleaned from observing the creature to offer battle advice to the golem. None of this really mattered as Deathface/Byzantium pushed past the dopey golem and began to batter the ice piano thing with its sharp claws.

In the treetops above Lady Jaska observed the preceding with interest. She was already noting down the golem's weaknesses, though perhaps she did not intend to act upon them so soon into this battle. Lady Jaska had a far greater aim in mind, one which she felt this golem, or at least the intelligent spirit that inhabited it might be of use in. Drawing her concealed daggers she plummeted from the tree tops, and carved a bloody swathe through the kid battlemonster trainer. It was over in one fell swoop, and the Sanguine Assassin was once again covered with blood. She turned to the surprised golem, and the spirits who were now bickering over whether or not to kill her, her expression unreadable.

"We need to talk." she said, coldly.

**Agent1022** · 11-03-2011, 10:14 AM

It was a beautiful day. Burgrar left behind him bodies, shaking bodies, twitching bodies, several bleeding from wounds bored by ravaging fries, some clutching their heads in death, witnessing the greatest and worst worlds imaginable, simultaneously-

Burgrar led the rampage through the woods, felling those who stood before him. Each time someone came across him and his entourage, he would stop, look tasty – then move in for the kill. For once in his life, he wasn’t interested in being eaten. The spirit of ‘battle’ had struck something in his burger mind; the idea of vengeance, the concept of striking out at an unfair world…

On another level, however, Burgrar yearned. To find one powerful enough to resist him; or to find one who could ingest him and yet not die before the deed. He had a compatriot now; and he would find the other contestants, as it were, and discover who would, or could consume him - or die trying.

A win-win, really.

“Ooh, a burger!” Tulip saw Burgrar, soundlessly moving as usual; as it drew closer she began to see all manner of strangely angled curves, colored in greenish-red but not brown, accursed veins of… and then promptly forgot. “You’re funny looking. Are you here for the prize too? I’m going to win the prize! No doubts! I’ve been preparing and preparing and preparing and what were we talking about again?” The French Fries chose this moment to fall into formation behind the burger, some now adorning miniature berets and mustaches for some reason. “French fries! Aw, they’re really French! Are you trying for the prize with them too? Well, tough luck! I’m going to win!”

Behind her, Freddie whimpered. Without Tulip’s sieve of a mind, he wasn’t faring so well against Burgrar’s hallucinogenic presence. But he was stronger than that! He was… he was… he was *sigh* Freddie.

Stop! Burgrar turned in surprise at the sudden telepathic incursion. It came from the rabbit with the extra brain – one with the look of a being trying to avoid wildly pulsulating textures and colorless rainbow animals leaping over fenceposts driven into thin air which were blue-green-purple-magenta-white-grey-seventeen smelling cabbages cabbages lettuce with iceberg in them, sinking ships since 1912; congratulations jumper cables with the yellow privet hedge connect this terminal and take the 9:00 train to Central Business District, the most populous in the world Stop! Freddie psychically lashed out at the unreality; held on to the grass with all four paws for dear sanity, until the burger backed away and the insensibility faded. Meanwhile, Tulip nattered on – yet clouds still gathered overhead…

Burgrar was impressed.

**Ixcalibur** · 11-05-2011, 09:33 AM

Golus was as ever, of two minds. The spirits found themselves, rather unusually in accord. While Rage sought the death of Lady Jaska simply because she was there and could be killed, Intelligence advised her demise would be for the best in order to allow Golus a speedy return to his home world.

His battlemonster leapt forwards towards the once-duchess. Its claws were outstretched; its mouth open wide, its razor sharp teeth bared as repulsive violet fluid oozed its way down the creatures chin. The Sanguine Assassin nimbly dodged out of the way as the beast careened out of control into a tree. There was the sound of gunshots as several birds, more than a little reminiscent of pistols, flew from the tree.

Their attention was only drawn by the crash of the unnamed battlemonster for a second, but when Golus and the spirits returned their attention to the elf, she was nowhere to be found.

“It would seem to me a pretty poor spirit of intelligence would slash first, and think to ask questions later, if at all.” Jaska’s voice was impossible to place. It echoed through the densely packed area of forest, as clear as a bell. Golus stumbled around in a circle attempting to identify the source of the voice, as the conflicting spirits did the same, floating into the dense canopy above.

“Show yourself!” Golus yelled.

“And have your pet take further potshots at me?” The voice of the Kinslayer had perhaps, the vaguest hint of amusement at this notion. “You should have that thing on a leash…”

“Coward!” Golus bellowed. “Rather than fight, you hide and make snide remarks. I will crush you completely.”

“I could have killed you before you even knew I was here.” Lady Jaska replied, her voice cold and emotionless.

Intelligence laughed. “You are tiny. A scrawny little thing who I doubt could hold a sword capable of shattering our vessel, let alone best him in combat. You are truly pathetic.”

“You are correct on all counts.” Lady Jaska said. “I am pathetic.” She paused. “I am talking to a scholar of some sorts am I not? You know when you see the ruins of those failed civilizations; destroyed by war or famine or whatever horseman you wish to name? You look at those ruined old buildings, once magnificent, now little more than wreckage and you may feel like it was a great loss. You may feel like it is sad that they are gone forever, but deep down you feel at least a little superior. Your civilization lasted the test of time. You are better than they are. You know it to be a fact.”

“I am that.” Jaska continued. “I am the last lingering trace of the elves. Once they were glorious, now they are nothing more than wreckage and blood in the sand. And I made it happen.”

“Tell me, Golus.” Jaska asked. “Do you believe yourself to be stronger than an entire civilization? Are you arrogant enough to believe you are more powerful than the combined will of an empire?”

There was silence.

“No, I did not think you did.” The Marquise said, almost sadly. “Killing you would be nothing more than a footnote in an obscure passage of my biography. All it would take is one slit. A blade pulled across the unprotected neck of your beast.” Golus’ attention dragged back to his immediate surroundings, found that the monster that had been assigned to him was missing. This discovery was accompanied by a whine of pain from somewhere in the vicinity.

“Are you prepared to listen to what I have to say now Golus?” Lady Jaska asked. While the spirit of Rage yelled and screamed for Jaska’s bloody death, Intelligence acquiesced.

It was almost as if the assassin had appeared from thin air. One second she was not there, the next there she was with a dagger in hand, the tip of which was stained with magenta blood. After catching the golem’s eye she slowly slid the blade back into her belt. It was a gesture that clearly said; this blade is not far, try me again and see what happens.

“I-” No sooner had she opened her mouth to address the golem, when he exploded.

Lady Jaska hit the floor as the golem shattered. Shards of the blue metal shot out from the golem, embedding themselves deep into the surrounding foliage. Jaska was lucky to end up with little more than flesh wounds where a pair of shards had scratched into her back.

Where Golus had stood was a heavy rock, about the size of a fist but launched with such precision and such ferocity it had shattered the metal man completely.

Nearby Lord Haskill, Lady Jaska’s Warpion, commended himself upon bravely defending its mistress from the evil blue monster thing.

**Solaris** · 11-05-2011, 10:05 AM

"Oh my, it seems that the first of you have lost this battle, time to move on in your adventure!"

The forest is quickly replaced by a beautiful spiraling city. The trees become buildings and lampposts, the grass becomes cement, but even here, trainers and monsters, both tamed and wild, remain in the out on the open. They lurk, some waiting to encounter others to fight, some keeping an eye out for trouble, and some plotting malicious deeds like no other...

"This is Chrome City, the largest in the country. It is the pinnacle of modern technology, and the many facilities exemplify it. Here there are all sorts of trainers and monsters, in all shapes and sizes. Heroic, playful, charming, bored, and even evil creatures lay here, and I don't just mean the monsters. There are many attractions here, for all sorts of trainers and their tamed monsters to enjoy. Who knows what is waiting for you here. Remember, this part of our exhibition ends when another of you perishes. Good luck!"

**Agent1022** · 11-13-2011, 09:47 AM

Burgrar shook his bun at the disorientation that came with the sudden change in locale. Travel between worlds was nothing new to him; in the days of his undelivery he had been bounced from ‘verse to ‘verse like a phrase that just didn’t fit. it didn’t mean that he had to like it, though. It brought back unpleasant memories of his first slow steps from the unchanging dark of inanimateness, of deducing the world painstakingly from the writing on the inside of a polystyrene box –

‘Our buns are made fresh from the best bakers in the multiverse – and certainly they would be! In the same way, our vegetables are fresh when they’re taken from the ground, and our patties were certainly alive at some point! In fact, it doesn’t matter what we write here, because you’re going to eat this burger. You’re going to eat it until there’s not a crumb left, and you’re not going to care what happens next. No one can resist our burgers. Our burgers exist to be eaten.’

Burgrar existed to be eaten. No one could resist him. And yet, and yet, and yet.

He remembered the first person he’d ever seen. The first person he’d ever killed. An unscrupulous mail clerk had Tampered With The Mail. Maybe he’d been looking for a snack. Or perhaps he hadn’t had breakfast, or worked through lunch, or had been starving for want of edibles. Possibly he’d just been attracted by the sense and smell of deliciousness in that package, possessed with that curiosity, insatiable in so many ways, that infiltrates the human race.

Burgrar sat there, just sat in the palm of the dead man’s hand, nested on splayed, twisted fingers that had blossomed into a rictus of hallucinogenic pain, waiting for the next moment, waiting for the blessed death that was due him. And he waited. And waited. He waited until panicked voices woke him from his confusion, signaling perhaps another consumer who would oblige his need…

And then, voices. Voices more anchored in the present rather than the past.

Tulip saw a sign! It said, “McGrease Kiddy Special! Give your kids a head start on vitrified arteries today, for even lower prices than before!” More importantly, it said underneath in slightly unwilling print, “free prize included with every Kiddy Special. Ask at the counter.”

Prizes!

Burgrar found himself on a cheap plastic table, lying on a discarded paper wrapper of some kind. The seats around the table were occupied by a selection of children, all wearing assorted paper hats. They were, however, not looking at him with that pop-eyed mixture of desire and horror that often accompanied his presence. They were instead focused on the butterfly made of uprooted tulips that was dominating the – a quick glance confirmed it – burger place. That hateful mutant rabbit was there too, with its shifty gaze panning across the room, as if-

Freddie picked and weaved at the minds that were all around it, searching for the signal of that accursed burger. There must be a way around this ‘master’ concept – all these human minds, pliant, persuadable, if only –

Tulip looked around at the staring crowds for a moment, momentarily confused by the looks on some faces - then forgot about them and approached the counter, prizes the only thing on her mind. She beat her wings against the inexplicable indoor breeze-

There was someone in her path! A kid, really, only about eleven. He was holding some kind of ball in his hand and waving it around! Awww, how cute!

He saw the child plant its petulant form in front of the flowered Lepidoptera, and heard the young voice exclaim:

“Oh boy! Mom mom mom, I’ve never seen a monster like this before! Can I catch it? Please please please please?"

“Now now, Billy. It just burst in, and we don’t know what it is. Don’t so anything silly.”

“What about that Logosmorph? Can I have it? Can I? Can I?”

“Bil-ly! Don’t pester the poor things, they’re probably looking for their master. Now come back here right this instant – sugar! This wind!” A paper hat blew off one of the still-agog children in a sudden gust. “…wind?!”

She was getting a tad impatient. However cute, the kid was in between her and prizes! Beautiful prizes~!The prizes were at…the counter? Were they? Somehow, she had the feeling that the prize she’d been working for had been something different…

And then she forgot, and wondered about the rising wind instead. A stiff breeze, in an enclosed space, can exert a surprisingly strong force, folding back on itself like some convoluted fractal. When that breeze is slowly but surely ascending the Beaufort scale -

She wondered briefly why the kid was flat on the floor and why there was suddenly some lady throwing things at her, but then she forgot about that too. Prizes!

Burgrar could feel it taking advantage of the crowd’s sudden distraction, probing through the minds of panic like a psychic submarine pinging the depths of telepathic ocean, and heard the message being broadcast –

Face me, you strange, meaty abomination. Face me if you dare. Freddie shouted into the psychic world around him, and gave a rabbity smirk.

Burgrar saw red – perhaps it was the ketchup – and marshaled the fries.

**Ixcalibur** · 11-16-2011, 10:22 PM

Lady Jaska suddenly found herself in the middle of a busy street, unlike anything found in her world. Perhaps the place it most resembled was the metal cities of the dwarves. The buildings were at their foremost functional, as they certainly were not beautiful. This was a city that was built to be lived in, not one that had been built to be looked at. It suited her well.

The streets were filled with people, most of who were followed by a tame battlemonster of their own, as such Lady Jaska and Haskill, in theory at least, fitted right in. The one thing that might have been said was that Jaska looked out of place, and indeed she did; though it was more the bloodstained leather jerkin with its criss-crossing belts lined with knifes and daggers. She attracted more than a couple of nervous glances.

Lady Jaska frowned and glared down at her Warpion. It had undergone some changes since she last saw it. Haskill was bigger, and more ferocious. His chitin was now a pale shade of red. His tail was visibly different; it stood rigid in a diagonal position. Had he been captured by someone from a more technologically advanced world they would have recognised it as the barrel of an artillery gun on a miniature scale. Jaska spent a couple of moments scrutinising the battlemonster, her frown deepening.

“I don’t believe there would be much point admonishing you for your actions.” Lady Jaska said irritably. “I doubt you can even understand me. You might at least, since you were changing have saw fit to address the concerns about weight, speed and subtlety.” She paused and gazed off across the street. “Or changed yourself for a different monster entirely. Hmmm…” Her gaze quickly swept across the battlemonsters being led down the street by their owners.

“It would seem that the stealthy approach is out.” The assassin said. “Follow me if you can monster.” Lady Jaska strode out into the street, clearly expecting people to move out of her way. Someone else might have done this and stumbled through the throng bumping into everyone and their battlemonster. Jaska stepped through the crowd with ease. Though Haskill tried his valiant best to keep up he needed space and that was something that the people of Chrome City did not seem to want to give up.

A couple of minutes later Jaska went into a clothes shop and emerged in a plain outfit, her long red hair tied back into a ponytail, on her head she wore a baseball cap with the brim angled low. If you really examined her clothing you would notice the way that it seemed to bulge slightly at the beltline, as if concealing something, though you would not have time to do so. Jaska stepped into the crowd, and seemed to disappear, indistinguishable amongst the sea of faces.

**Dragon Fogel** · 11-21-2011, 12:02 AM

Tulip saw the burger. Wow, that burger smelled good! Tulip liked burgers. When was the last time she ate a burger?

Wait a minute. She remembered a voice saying something about a burger. It was the same voice that talked about prizes! Was this burger after the prize?

"That prize is mine!" she shouted at the burger. "I won't let you have it!"

Then she floated over to the counter and left Freddie alone to face the burger and its fries.

Freddie sighed. How had he ended up bound to such a pathetic, unintelligent creature? Why did he have to fight these opposing Battlemonsters?

Oh, get over yourself, his second head thought at him.

Then he wondered when he'd gained a second head.

You're evolving, imbecile. Two heads are better than one - or would be if you could keep your focus on the battle at hand. Honestly, how did we survive when I was that ignorant?

Ignorant? I'm by far the most intelligent creature in this room!

That isn't exactly stiff competition. The second head telekinetically lifted a fry as it charged, and used it to trip three others. You can stew about our master later. Right now, our priority is winning this battle. Or at least mine is. If you want to suffer the humiliation of losing to a hamburger, I suppose that isn't really my problem...

Freddie glared at his other head, then turned his thoughts on the burger. The second head did the same.

Burgrar found itself lifted a foot off the floor.

Then, suddenly, the heads stopped carrying it, and it fell onto its fry troops.

Meanwhile, Tulip was trying to negotiate for her prize.

"Hi! I'm Tulip. I want my prize! You have my prize, right? That's Freddie over there! I like him. But I really like prizes! Can I have my prize now?"

The clerk wasn't sure exactly what to do. She hadn't exactly been trained to deal with a talking Battlemonster. She eventually settled on talking to it about the one prize she could think of.

"You must want a Kiddy Special," she said. "Free prize included! That'll be $3.99."

"Oh great! Let me just get my wallet wait where is it do I even have any pockets how much was it again ooh can I have my prize?"

The clerk sighed. She might have to talk to her manager about this one.

**Agent1022** · 12-06-2011, 04:20 AM

Burgrar flailed, limblessly. Flank it! Flank that rabbit! Bore into its flesh! The wind in the burger joint was picking up even further, and some of the smaller children were whipped off their feet amid their mother’s screams. And at the counter, Tulip wondered why the clerk was looking panickedly around and up at the ceiling – she spared a glance herself and saw only ventilation grills. Boooooring.

“Excuuuuuuse me, but what about the-”

Freddie keened as fries battered it from every side – he tried to grasp at their consciousness, to try for some control, but individually they were just too damn simple –

But as a group, you imbecile! As a group, they are yours!

He tried – but that accursed burger’s field seeped across the psychic plane like a psychedelic stain, and each time he brushed against its influence it brought something akin to excruciating pain, only yellow.

And this goddamn wind was everywhere.

Fries! To me! The burger held on tight to the table as drinks, papers, hats, candles, cakes, the flask of whisky one of the dads had secreted under his jacket, straws and miscellaneous light items all went flying in a maelstrom of rushing air.

“What’s all this wind, anyway?” Despite the chaos swirling about them, Tulip, clerk and counter all stood in a pool of calm, the petals on the butterfly’s tulips barely ruffled. All around them in the gale small objects like paper cups, loose change, lighters and babies whirled around in an almost eerie quiet, as if sound itself were being caught up and taken away in the circular jetstream around them. Every so often, a scream from the assembled masses would penetrate the wind and arrive, muffled, to their ears. Through the whirling dust and debris, the clerk could see the patrons pounding on the outward-opening door, forced shut with the negative pressure of the accelerating air. “Oooh is this the prize this doesn’t seem like a prize can I have my prize?”

The clerk tried to edge away from the Battlemonster – then felt the wind at her back, and thought better of it. As the human mind is wont to do in times of stress, she defaulted to pretending that there wasn’t a storm accumulating inside the building, that the butterfly of tulips hovering in front of her was just an ordinary customer, and that tomorrow would be the same as today. It’s a wonderful coping mechanism, but not a very productive one. “I’ll have to check with my mana-” A thought struck her, and she looked back through the winds to see, through the glass window of his office, her manager desperately holding shut the office door, fixtures creaking as they were torn from their moorings – and thought better of it. “You know what? I think – in the spirit of, um, mateship, and, um…justherehaveaprize!” she screamed, thrusting out a little plastic-wrapped plastic bauble-

“The wind –” But for a split second, Tulip’s mind wasn’t on prizes. “Gosh, am I doing that?”

And then, it was all Burgrar could do to hang on as the windows shattered, the walls imploded, and the tornado burst from the roof of the Burger Bar –

**Ixcalibur** · 12-10-2011, 02:51 AM

Standing on a street corner adjacent to the McGrease fast food restaurant in question was a man in a blue baseball cap, the peak of which was pulled down to obscure his face. He was wearing a blue jacket and blue fingerless gloves. If you could see his eyes it would be a fair bet that they too were blue. At the back of his neck, if you were so inclined you might notice a pair of scars adjacent to one another that disappeared beneath his jacket. He stood there, smoking a cigarette as people panicked and pushed past him. To be fair to them they had reason to behave in such a manner. Moments before the restaurant across the street had practically exploded. The windows had shattered, the individual razor sharp shards of glass propelled a good way into the street. A couple of unlucky passers by had met an unfortunate end as chunks of glass had skewered their body. The walls had creaked and crackled and finally crumbled. The roof was blown clean off, great chunks of plaster slamming into other buildings or coming to rest in the street around the blue suited figure.

The occupants of the restaurant climbed through the rubble and fled as best they could. The noise and the chaos continued even after the customers and most of the staff fled from the wreckage of the fast food joint. People stood in the street and gawped at what they saw; a tornado thrashing in the air above the ruins of the McGrease. The man in blue did not move throughout all of this. It was only as the scene seemed to have momentarily calmed that he produced from his pocket a mobile phone and called a number he knew from memory. It rang for a minute before being picked up.

“Yeah?” The voice on the other end sounded like someone who didn’t like to be bothered unless it was important.

“I have found something interesting.” The man in blue said.

“Define something interesting.” The impatient voice replied gruffly. “Like oh look at this flowerice that has a slightly different pattern than the other flowerices or what? Give me some context.”

“I have discovered a new battlemonster.” He said matter-of-factly.

“A new battlemonster?” The voice replied incredulously. “Way to bury the lead, kid. Look what’s your name again?”

“Thomice.” The man in blue replied.

“Thomice… whatever.” The voice replied. “Look, get out there and bag that battlemonster. Do it for Team Unity. Can you do that for me?”

“I need backup.” Thomice said coolly. “This thing just tore apart a building.”

“Jesus!” The voice snapped. “You might have started with that. Okay I’m sending a containment team down to help you capture it. Anything else you want to tell me? Is it ten foot tall and made of magma?”

“No.” Thomice replied. “That is all.”

“Good.” The voice replied irritably. “Don’t try to engage this thing before the containment team turn up.” Thomice hung up without a word, and for a long moment he regarded the temporarily tranquil scene taking place in the restaurant across the street. He couldn’t wait for the containment team, the police would likely be here any minute and they would want to confiscate any unknown battle monsters. He cracked his knuckles and strode towards the remains of the restaurant.

He had not noticed the woman with red hair who had been standing nearby, appearing to be part of an interesting crowd, but in actuality listening in on the most unusual member of that crowd. Though he had more than piqued her interest, for the moment she was content to let things play out. She would intervene if it proved necessary.

**Dragon Fogel** · 03-09-2012, 11:34 PM

What just happened? Freddie groaned, telekinetically lifting a piece of rubble off of himself.

"Hello Freddie!" Tulip said enthusiastically. Then she saw his second head. "Oh! Hello there! You must be Teddie!"

Ugh. It appears I am now.

Tulip triumphantly held up a small plastic ball on the tip of her left wing. "Well, I got the prize! Isn't it great? Now I'm a winner!"

Fabulous, Freddie mentally agreed. Then he collapsed to the floor, his entire body falling to the left.

Wonderful, Teddie's mind grumbled as the right half of the body started fumbling around futilely trying to get up. I can only move half of this body on my own.

"What's wrong, Teddie? Does Freddie need help?"

...Yes. Yes, he does.

"Oh no! Poor Freddie! I'll call a doctor! Or an ambulance! Or the fire department! Or... ooh, this is a really nice prize. I wonder what I won it for?"

Good help is so hard to find these days, Teddie sighed mentally. Then he found himself shivering.

A few feet away, several fries slipped out from another pile of debris, and carefully lifted bits of rock off of their unconscious master. The group slowly extricated itself from the rubble, and lined up obediently in front of Burgrar, waiting for an order.

As Thomice entered the ruins of the McGrease's, he was rather surprised to see not just one, but two Battlemonsters he didn't recognize. Along with an incapacitated Logosmorph - no, wait, it had evolved into a Harebrain now - and a group of Filefries. Nothing significant, he supposed, but there was no sense in leaving them behind while he grabbed the rarities. Besides, it wasn't unheard of for individual Battlemonsters to display unusual abilities - perhaps one of the seemingly-normal ones was actually responsible for this destruction. In any case, that could be sorted out back at the Unity Lab. Thomice's only concern was capturing them all.

It seemed that only the flying Battlemonster was in any state to resist, and it was busy flying around in circles. Thomice was almost disappointed. And here he'd been expecting a good fight. He took out his Capture Ball and prepared his shot. It was possible that the Filefries would turn hostile after the capture, but they were weak to Ice moves; he could subdue them easily enough if it came to that.

Thomice flung the Capture Ball at Tulip, only to see it harmlessly bounce off. He was baffled - yes, the ball sometimes failed to capture a monster, but normally it would engulf the creature and only be discarded after a struggle. But this one had simply shrugged it off effortlessly! It was as if...

As if the creature weren't a Battlemonster at all.

But how could that be possible? Before Thomice could reflect on this discovery, he was surprised by Tulip turning towards him. Or rather, by the fact that she spoke to him.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice!" she shouted. "Are you trying to take my prize? I won it, fair and square!"

A talking Battlemonster that couldn't be captured? This creature, whatever it was, intrigued Thomice. He had to bring it in, even if the Capture Ball wasn't an option.

His hands started to glow blue.

"Win your own prize!" Tulip shouted at him. As she did, Thomice felt the wind around him grow colder. That suited him fine, but it still struck him as odd.

"ICICLE SURGE!" he screamed back at her.

A pair of icicles formed in his hands, and he flung them at the strange Battlemonster. Tulip was in no position to dodge, but it turned out not to matter; one of the icicles suddenly swerved in midair, colliding with the other and sending both off course.

Thomice was puzzled. Then he took a closer look at the Harebrain. One of its heads was still moving.

It must have protected the flying one. But why? Wild Battlemonsters rarely took an interest in protecting those outside their species, and the Logosmorph evolution line was particularly known for its isolationism. They only protected their human masters.

Thomice stared at the colorful flying creature again. Could it be...

He put the thought aside. He wasn't paid to think. He was paid to capture Battlemonsters. And even if this... thing... wasn't one, it was interesting enough that it made no difference.

"Now that's just rude!" Tulip shouted at him suddenly. "Didn't your mother ever teach you it's impolite to hit a lady?"

The cold winds started roaring. Then, it began to snow.

Thomice was puzzled at first; snow at this time of year? Then, he was amused as he realized what it meant. The snow grew stronger and stronger.

And so did he.

"ABSOLUTE ZERO!" he shouted.

The blizzard around him followed his command, swirling around the Battlemonsters. In just a few minutes, they were encased in blocks of ice.

The storm soon died down, but the snow and ice remained. Thomice pulled out his cell phone and called the number again.

"This is Thomice," he said. "I've retrieved four Battlemonsters, two of them unlike anything I've seen before. Don't bother with the containment team; just send someone to help me carry them. And quickly, before the police get here."

Thomice grabbed the block with the strange flying creature first, then carefully lifted the frozen burger on top of it. The more common ones could be handled by his backup.

**Ixcalibur** · 03-10-2012, 10:13 PM

Thomice emerged from the wreckage of the fast food restaurant hauling the freezing blocks of ice. He was met by an even larger group of bystanders than when he had gone in. He guessed that the sudden unseasonal and extremely localized blizzard had drawn their attentions and he frowned. Well there was no point in worrying about uninformed citizens seeing him use his abilities now, their views had probably been mostly obscured by the wreckage anyway. This was the kind of thing he’d normally never hear the end of but seeing as he had just bagged two unique battlemonsters (if they were battlemonsters) he figured they’d probably overlook it just this once.

However before he could think too much about this there was the sound of screeching tyres and the crowd on the street to his right dispersed to allow a van to pull up in front of the wrecked restaurant. The van was black and unmarked, it did not even seem to have license plates. It skidded to a stop in front of Thomice, the back doors burst open and a pair of Unity Agents emerged. Their expression when they saw Thomice holding the unidentified battlemonsters in blocks of ice was primarily one of disapproval, with a little disbelief thrown in there for good measure.

“We’ve got two more battlemonsters frozen in there.” He said. “They’re only standard but we’d best be safe and get them anyway.” The agents said nothing; one of them folded his arms. “Look I’ll explain myself when we aren’t on public display.” Thomice snapped. “Get in there, get those battlemonsters and let’s get out of here.”

“Fine.” One of the agents replied, his expression said that he would be expecting Thomice to make good on his explanation. The two agents ventured into the wreckage and Thomice climbed into the back of the van. After a minute a woman climbed into the back of the vehicle and took a seat next to him. She looked flushed and was breathing deeply. Her hair was red and tied back into a ponytail, her face partially obscured by a baseball cap and the rest of her clothing non-descript.

“This is a private vehicle.” Thomice said, his temperature subconsciously dropping. In response the woman held up a hand as she gasped for breath. Before she had managed to regain her composure the two Unity agents had returned with a battlemonster frozen into a block of ice each and they did not look best pleased.

“I can’t believe I nearly missed them.” She said when she had regained composure. “I’ve been looking for them for days now.” She looked up at the pair of agents standing just outside. “Quick get in, you know we aren’t supposed to hang around here.”

“Who are you?” Thomice asked bluntly. “And what are you talking about?”

“Scarlet Talbot.” The woman held out a hand to Thomice, he declined to shake it. She looked from one irritated face to another and sighed. “I’m with Unity you morons; yeah sorry for the unorthodox arrival but I have literally been after these monsters for days and I was not letting them get away. Now are you going to stand there and gawp or are you going to get in the van and take us back to headquarters.” A pause, and no tangible response. “I think I can hear the police approaching.” There was little argument after that. The agents climbed into the back, closed the door and shouted to the driver. The van pulled quickly away, leaving the sound of approaching sirens and a confused crowd behind them.

There was a couple of minutes of silence, broken only by Scarlet’s muttered comments as she scrutinised the frozen battlemonsters. Thomice didn’t know what was going on but it seemed pretty clear that if another member of Team Unity was in on it then he’d not really made the find of a lifetime. This was more likely one of Unity’s side projects that had accidentally gone rogue. He felt somewhat disappointed and regarded Scarlet with irritation.

“What’s going on then?” He broke the ice, so to speak.

“Classified.” Scarlet replied offhandedly. “You know how these things are. I’ll talk to whoever is in charge around here.” Thomice snorted. It figured.

The trip to the local Unity headquarters was short and uneventful. It was located beneath the Chrome City shopping mall, beneath an innocuous looking parking space in the underground parking lot. Of course those in the back of the van did not see this, being stuck as they were in the back of a windowless van. They heard the whirring of machinery as the car stopped for a minute and then when they emerged they were in the midst of a bustling laboratory. Everything was white or silver and everything shined. Scarlet… Lady Jaska Til’Defal looked around in barely concealed wonder. Her world had had some technology but she’d never seen anything like this before. It took her a minute to get herself back under control. There were some important looking people approaching the group, whoever was in charge of this place she reckoned.

Scarlet turned back to Thomice and the agents. “Whatever you do, do not let them unfreeze.” With that said she was ready to meet with whoever was in charge around here.

**Dragon Fogel** · 03-10-2012, 11:48 PM

"Scarlet" soon had a better view of the approaching group. It was lead by two people, a man and a woman, though the man's sheer size had made him appear to be at least two people in the distance. She couldn't quite see who was standing behind him.

The man was very muscular, and balding, and had a small black goatee. The woman was thinner, and had long purple hair down to her waist. She wore sunglasses over her eyes. Both were dressed in business suits. As they drew nearer, they stepped aside, revealing the man behind them - no doubt their superior.

Scarlet was rather shocked at the sight of him. He looked to be a human of about twenty-five or so, but he was sitting in a wheelchair and wearing a labcoat and safety goggles. The oddest thing about him, however, was the brain in a glass case on the outside of his head - it reminded her of the frozen rabbit creature she had seen Thomice bring along.

Beside the man was what looked like a large black wild pig. Its tusks were strangely white, and one was broken off. Taking a second glance, she saw that there was a string tied to the broken tusk, slung over its back and to one side. Then she noticed that its curly tail was unusually long, and ended in a thick brush of hair.

The man in the wheelchair looked at her for a moment. Then the pig walked in front of him and turned sideways. The broken tusk started moving along the side of the pig, and began writing words.

I SEE YOU ARE QUITE INTERESTED IN MY CHALKBOAR

Just as she finished reading, the pig's tail moved, and wiped off the words. The broken tusk moved again.

HE IS A VERY RARE BATTLEMONSTER
LOYAL AND HELPFUL AS WELL
BUT ENOUGH SMALL TALK
WHO ARE YOU

The bulky man started to speak.

"Sir," he said in an exquisitely polite voice, "I do not believe this lady is authorized to be here. With your permission, I will remove her and ensure she does not reveal our location."

The pig turned towards him. The words on its side were erased and rewritten again.

THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY SHERMAN
NOT YET AT LEAST
WE WILL INFORM MY FATHER AND HE SHALL DECIDE HER FATE
IN THE MEANTIME YOU AND JEWELIA CAN SIMPLY KEEP AN EYE ON HER

"As you say, sir," Sherman said, bowing towards the wheelchair-bound man. He wheeled away, turning his pig towards the woman and writing her a message. Scarlet couldn't see it, but she saw the woman turn towards the man and give him a smile afterwards.

"In case you missed the doctor's message," Jewelia said, turning back to Scarlet, "Mr. Sherman and I are to keep an eye on you. You are advised not to try anything untoward."

To emphasize the point, Jewelia looked down toward a scrap of paper on the floor. She lowered her sunglasses slightly, and Scarlet could see two purple gems where her eyes should be. A beam of purple light zoomed from her eyes to the scrap of paper, and it soon burned to ash.

Jewelia readjusted her glasses and stared directly at Scarlet.

"Do I make myself clear?"

**Ixcalibur** · 03-11-2012, 04:47 AM

“You make the fact that you are a bunch of brain dead buffoons perfectly transparent.” Scarlet replied. “A quick lesson; someone with any sense asks questions first and makes threats later. Okay so I take it you’re not buying that I’m from a branch of Team Unity from out of town. Well that’s sort of a relief, there was only so long I could fake intelligence on Team Unity’s operations before it tripped me up. Ignore the fact that I’m here without authorisation, I’m still here for a reason and it would be in your best interests to see what that reason is. As it happens you are looking at the only woman in the entire world who knows what the hell your recent acquisitions are; and what kind of a welcome am I given? I’m met with a Neanderthal, a broken man in a metal chair and his pet pig. From what I’d heard about you guys in the limited time I’d been here, well I was expecting better than this.” Scarlet looked down at the burnt scrap of paper upon the floor. “So you can burn things with your eyes. Good for you. Please find me a competent human being to speak to or I will do something worse. I’ll turn and I’ll walk out of that door and you’ll never see me again and while that would be very very painful to anyone who tried to get in my way it would be especially painful to Team Unity as a whole. Do I make myself clear?” There was a long silence.

“How about you shut up or I’ll burn you alive?” Jewelia sneered.

“Fine.” Lady Jaska replied. Jewelia had called her bluff; of course she was not going to leave while her opponents were elsewhere in this complex. It was rather unfortunate that the course of action Jaska was forced to pursue was significantly less pleasant than that which Scarlet might have taken. In one fluid movement she had drawn a blade that she had sheathed in her belt...

--------

The pair of unidentified battlemonsters had been ordered down to one of the empty research labs, Thomice had been ordered to escort them down. It seemed likely that he would be required to stick around as they worked out what these battlemonsters were. Sure it was only grunt work, maintaining the temperature of the frozen specimens, refreezing them should they become a handful, but it was better than being out on the streets waiting for his big break. Thomice was ambitious, one day he hoped to be a major player in Team Unity. By then he would have more than the one enhancement under his belt of course. In fact if he had his way he would see to it that he had whatever part of that butterfly that gave it such impressive wind powers implanted into him. He just knew that one day he was going to change the world. He could almost taste it.

The laboratory in question consisted of a pair of adjoined rooms, one of which empty save for the padded surfaces and the heavily locked doors while the other was filled with consoles and equipment designed to measure that what happened in the other room. The observation room had a bank of monitors which displayed images from various tiny cameras embedded into the walls of the testing room. The ice blocks had been placed into the testing room and the heat had been turned up from one of the consoles. Thomice’s role here seemed to be extremely limited; a pair of resentful technicians was working around him to get things ready to see what these battlemonsters could do.

As the test was about to begin Doctor Elm and his lumbering assistant Sherman arrived. The doctor had opted to forestall visiting his father for the moment so as to witness the test. He wanted to know what all this fuss was over and ultimately if it had been worth potentially compromising the headquarters for these unusual battlemonsters.

PLEASE PROCEED
JUST CARRY ON AS IF I’M NOT EVEN HERE

-------

In the testing room the contestants and their battlemonsters were waking up...

**Dragon Fogel** · 04-24-2012, 01:40 AM

Freddie groaned. Teddie did too. They looked around and saw Tulip, Burgrar, and the fries slowly defrosting.

What happened? Freddie thought. Where are we?

I'm not sure, Teddie thought back at his other head. You fell unconscious, and then some human attacked our... ugh... master. And then we were frozen, somehow. He paused, mentally. I believe the human harnessed the power of a raging snowstorm to do it?

What? Impossible! That sounds like an Absolute Zero attack. But only Battlemonsters can use that! How could a human?

"Hello Teddie! Hello Freddie! Have you seen my prize?" Tulip suddenly asked. "I think I dropped it somewhere."

Freddie and Teddie blinked. The "prize" was being carried off by the Filefries, and they presented it to the still-unconscious Burgrar as some sort of gift.

***

"That Battlemonster talked!" Sherman exclaimed. "Can they do that?"

HOW FASCINATING
THOMICE YOU CAPTURED THIS BATTLEMONSTER
DID YOU OBSERVE ANY OTHER UNUSUAL BEHAVIOR?

Thomice nodded.

"Yeah. First off, the Capture Ball just bounced off it. Never seen it do that before."

NOTED
I SHALL REVIEW THE CAPTURE BALL'S DESIGN
PERHAPS THERE IS A FLAW WE HAVE NOT NOTICED BEFORE
ONE WHICH THIS BATTLEMONSTER CAN EXPLOIT

"Oh, and that's not all. When I tried to subdue it, the Harebrain diverted my attack."

WHAT

"I mean, it wouldn't let me hit the other Battlemonster. I've never heard of a Logosmorph doing that for anyone except a human they've bonded with."

BONDING WITH ANOTHER BATTLEMONSTER
RIDICULOUS
UNHEARD OF
BUT PERHAPS IT HAS FOOLED THE HAREBRAIN SOMEHOW
OR THIS IS A PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP

"That would suggest there are more of these things out there somewhere. Maybe protecting Logosmorph warrens," Thomice mused. "But I guess you're the scientist, not me."

WHAT ABOUT COMBAT ABILITIES
DID YOU OBSERVE ANY

"Well, I saw the McGrease I found them in torn apart by a cyclone. Then, as I entered, after a while the weather grew colder."

YOU THINK THIS BATTLEMONSTER WAS RESPONSIBLE

"Most likely. The one the Filefries are tending to was unconscious. Speaking of which, I believe it's starting to wake up."

INTERESTING
WE SHALL OBSERVE THE FILEFRIES' INTERACTION WITH IT
WAIT, WHAT IS THAT THEY ARE CARRYING

Thomice looked more closely at the monitor.

"It appears to be a plastic ball."

"Ooh!" Sherman said suddenly. "That's one of those Kiddie Meal prizes at McGrease's. This month, they're giving out real Battlevolution Stones!"

WHAT

***

Sergeant Mahogany looked over the ruins of the McGrease's. Around him, police and firefighters dug through the rubble, looking for any survivors who might be trapped.

"I've never seen a Battlemonster that could do this," the Sergeant muttered to himself. "And no human either, of course. What are we dealing with here?"

His phone beeped. He took a quick glance at it.

"IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM ALLIED LANDS POLICE FORCE," it read.

He sighed as he opened the e-mail.

"Great. These guys again. I swear, they keep telling us about laws passed by some Parliament I've never even heard of. Probably hackers pulling a prank," he mumbled. "Eh, may as well check it. Maybe they'll say something I can report them for."

TO: ALL LAW ENFORCEMENT PERSONNEL
FROM: ALLIED LANDS POLICE FORCE
SUBJECT: SIVLUP BILL AND ENFORCEMENT
--------

Dear Law Enforcement Officer:

With Parliament's recent passage of the Sivlup Bill, interdimensional battles to the death are now illegal across our entire jurisdiction. Should a combatant in such a battle pass through your dimension, please report it to us immediately.

Use your own discretion in apprehending suspects - some combatants may have abilities which your police force may not be adequately equipped to face. If you feel you are up against such a suspect, contact the ALPF immediately. Otherwise, you may feel free to use your own resources to contain them until we can send a team to pick them up.

If you are unsure whether you are dealing with a combatant in an interdimensional battle to the death, here are some useful signs to watch out for.
-Creatures not native to your dimension
-Signs of unusual abilities unlike any you have seen before
-Dimensional instability (if your local technology does not allow you to detect it, contact us and we can conduct a remote scan on your behalf)
-Two or more unfamiliar beings engaged in combat

Remember: The Sivlup bill declares all such battles a top priority threat. The damage they can inflict on an unsuspecting dimension is incredible. All law enforcement personnel must do what they can to prevent these battles from running unchecked.

Contact info is as follows...

Mahogany stared at his phone for a while, then at the rubble around him.

He'd never seen a Battlemonster or a human that could be so destructive. And nobody understood the cause of the storm that had leveled Auburn Forest about an hour ago.

Could this be the answer?

Mahogany was a proud man, but he wasn't too proud to give up a promising lead. Maybe it was just a dumb prank, but this situation was weird enough that it was worth a shot.

He dialed the number.

"This is Officer Mahogany, of the Chrome City police force," he said. "There's something weird going on here and maybe you guys can help me out."

**Agent1022** · 04-29-2012, 03:47 AM

Slowly, Burgrar shook the ice from his bun. In front of him were his loyal fries – if he’d had a mouth he would have smiled, just a little, at their faith – and their cargo. Something plastic, that rattled.

Also in front of him was padding. Thick, solid padding, well worn, the sort used to restrain things that had thrown themselves at it a thousand times and failed. This didn’t particularly bother him; all prisons had guards, and guards got hungry. He pushed out a psychic tendril, and found a few minds just nearby, in the next room…

STOP
DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL THAT

“I uh…” Thomice scratched his head. “Not really, sir.”

One of the technicians spoke up, his eyes glued to the screen in front of him. “I could go for some lunch…”

The doctor’s brain twitched about a little in its glass dome, lightly bumping the side.

HMM
HMMMM

On the monitor, the camera remained fixed on the defrosting burger… when the Harebrain suddenly snapped its jaws at the bun, prompting a hasty pan.

…and that hateful rabbit. That hateful, hateful rabbit. Burgrar seethed for a second, filling the psychespace with dismissive orange bile.

It blasted forward from the burger in a wave of anger, hatred, and so many years of frustration rolled in a ball of white-hot misery and injustice; it was a wavefront so strong that even Tulip’s tulips felt an unsettling ripple filter through her cheery haze. It jiggled needles in the control room, the technicians watching them fighting urges to tear them out; it flowed across everyone in the room, reminding them that they were small beings in a universe that hated them, and that also my word that burger looked tasty-

rattle rattle

The fries were shaking that rattling plastic in front of him. They were also, in fact, just shaking.

Freddie understood.

Understood what?

Through the haze of emotion that was settling slowly like snow on every mind in the room, Freddie shook his head. The thing…it…it wants to die. Be eaten.

Teddie made half a motion to make another leap at the burger pulsing emotion on the ground, stopping up short with the hilarious sight of half a Harebrain shying away at the same time. Freddie!, Teddie thought, with just a hint of betrayal. It wants to die!

Freddie’s head turned and pushed itself straight against Teddie’s. Then why hasn’t it?!

The plastic ball broke apart. Amongst the Filefries lay a miniature stewpot, hewn from a strange, glowing metallic stone. It gleamed – there was no other word for it – deliciously, with strange and arcane radiations emanating from the very space it occupied. Small wonder that Soup Stones were so often found nestling innocently at the bottom of boiling stews cooked up in remote villages, and why those partaking of said stews often reported strange aftereffects and visions afterwards.

They were, in short, much like Burgrar.

But not sentient, as he found, much to his disappointment – quickly followed by more anger and strange befuddlement, since the fries seemed to be staring expectantly at him.

Oh bloody flipping well then, have it if you li-

Many things happened in the same instant, or at least a series of instants close enough together to be indistinguishable on a basic level of consciousness.

That’s not to say that they didn’t try to assert themselves, though.

One instant took it upon itself to dictate that it was the precise moment the Filefries were enveloped in a soft, delicious-smelling light.

Another went ahead and claimed that it had dibs on the moment Sherman swung a bulky fist and the wall between the rooms fell apart.

Yet another took credit for the split-second that the Soup Stone vanished, taking its Burgrar-augmenting multiversal radiation with it, and also for the one right after where the psychic field collapsed into a vague eagerness for lunch again.

Among all that though, not one of them wanted to own the instant where all hell broke loose, even though, in actual fact, they did.

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