TROLLSLUM CAFE LVII: Early Bird Special: Half off!*

[Fexxos Vyront]

*Void where prohibited, prohibited everywhere.

Just to be perfectly clear, the cafe is not mine. We just ran out of posts.

Welcome the Trollslum Café!
Our Guiding Principle: We are all fans of Homestuck in general, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and if we like to make fantrolls, we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to bring new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. The primary purpose of the Café is to provide a vague social setting in which characters can meet, mingle, and talk. It is a good way to get introduced to other characters that you can then troll on trollian/pesterchum, or get involved with in a more specific RP. It can also be a decent place to hang out.
Below are some rules that I would like you to follow when you are posting in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!
1: Characters and Setting
The Café is located somewhere on Alternia. Where exactly? Who knows, and it doesn't particularly matter. For some reason, it is somehow easily accessible by nearly every troll on the planet. Keep in mind that this place is located on Alternia (the troll homeworld which is populated by the troll young only*, more details on this later on) when you are developing a character for the Café. Aliens, freaks, and mutants will not last long on Alternia*. Undead creatures are also not likely to be treated with compassion by the living trolls. Specifically, no aliens (this means humans), no freaks*, abominations, undead, ghosts, or crazy mutants*. Take into account that the accepted fandom age for being an adult is 10 sweeps or older, based on what is the prevailing headcanon at the moment. That is the age when your troll is either culled for not adding to the incestuous slurry, or if they've met the requirements, are whisked off to join the Fleet.
* <= This little asterik means that there can be exceptions, with probable cause. Don't throw your adult troll in with the excuse that they never got picked up by the fleet. Think it over. Adults were banned from Alternia, as in it's probably completely populated by younger trolls. In this case scenario, exceptions can be made, just as long as you take the time to think over why your character is on Alternia. As for freaks and mutants, they're allowed in the cafe, just as long as they, too, have a legitimate reason why they're not dead yet. Again, take into account that Alternia is a rough place. Mutations are not commonly accepted, and said troll will probably have a problem with other trolls if they're flaunting it around like a new piece of jewelry.
The Cafe is also set outside any sort of Sgrub or S***b continuity. No troll should know about the game, Skaia, the moons, meteors, or humans. Save that for an actual session roleplay. This also means that aspects and characters from what would be from a sGRUB or s**** session are banned.
Notice to newer players!: I highly encourage you to post a profile in the trollslum thread or in the new critique thread before starting your roleplaying experience in the Cafe. Getting some feedback on your character before you start playing them can help you make an even better character and avoid some common pitfalls newer players make!
2: Joining the Café
How do you join? Just post! There are no pre-requisites and no screening (for better or for worse). Just jump in, find someone who isn’t already in a scene, and start a conversation.
3: Posting in the Café
A few guidelines for how to post here:
*It is generally helpful if you clearly indicate which character you are speaking to if you are initiating a conversation. If a name isn't listed, please be as specific as possible.
*You can quote a previous post to enhance the clarity of your response, but please spoiler images, and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.
*Indicate OOC conversation by double paranthesis (()), or double brackets [[]] if you prefer, or by some other method that clearly indicates you are speaking OOC.
*Do not post only OOC chatter. Go to the Trollslum GenChat for that.
4: Joining a Conversation
Before you have your character wander up to someone and start chatting, check to see if the other character is already talking, and to whom. Sometimes two characters are having a light chat and you may be able to get away with approaching them. Other times, they may be having a serious discussion and would not appreciate the intrusion. Like real-life, think carefully before you walk up to someone and interrupt them, and if they ignore you or tell you to go away, respect that!
5: Fights
Fights are going to need a list of rules all its own. This may very well be one of the most important sections, so please read it carefully!
1) Avoid fights whenever possible! If there are any other viable options for your character besides “pull out a weapon,” do that instead! Yes, I’m sure you want to show off how “badass” your character is, but ultimately getting in a fight is just going to make you look silly and probably like kind of a jerk. Yes, you may be thinking that “trolls are violent pricks,” but remember that the primary purpose of the Café is to develop your character, and fights are not the best way to do that. This doesn't mean that you can't play a mean, provocative character, just know your limits!
2) If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other player(s) by PM or your preferred chat client to try and work things out before you both start throwing posts at each other. If you have an end result you are working towards, it is less likely that your fight will completely devolve into a “show them up” contest.
3) Follow proper etiquette! What do I mean? If you do end up in a fight, the way you describe your character acting is what may separate you from a God Moder and someone with class. Here are some dos and don’ts:
”I cut your character’s arm off with my sword.” Very bad! If you do something like this, you are inflicting an injury on another character without giving them a chance to respond or avoid. Basically, you’re an asshole.
“I shoot your character in the face.” Bad. It is worded in such a way that it suggests the blow already landed.
“I aim at your character’s face and fire.” Probably the best you can do. It explains your action and gives the other player an opportunity to dodge the attack, or not, as they wish.
4) Don’t get involved in someone else’s fight! Unless your troll is good friends with one of the participants, it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved in someone else’s battle. On the whole, trolls are not very charitable. Group fights are just a mess and a bad idea.
5) Don’t fight at all if you can help it! Yes, this rule warrants repeating. It is entirely possible to play a mean, jackass character without provoking a fight every time you talk to someone. BE THE BIGGER MAN (OR WOMAN)! If it looks like you’re going to start a fight, back off! Contrary to what you might think, you’ll earn more respect from your peers than if you start trying to beat the other character up.
6: Romance
Trolls have quadrants. Romance is gonna happen. Now, it’s not my place to tell you how to live your love (or hate) lives. However, I ask that you all keep things clean. If your characters are going to go beyond snuggling and smooching, take it to PMs, an IRC, or a private chat. I’m trying to run a respectable establishment, here.
Addendum:
Due to events both past and present, I am revising the rules on what should and should not be posted in the Cafe thread regarding romantic matters. Please remember that this Cafe is a public space. Think about what a person might or might not do in public: Hand holding, a light kiss, maybe a brief makeout if the couple is feeling rowdy. Trolls would not go the the Cafe solely for the purpose of making out with their significant other(s). Would you go to a restaurant or other public venue just to start eating face with someone else? If the answer is "yes," you kind of have a problem.
Also note that, according to this log, trolls are a bit shy about their flushed feelings. Yes, it's Nepeta's perspective, but also note that Karkat has been shy about his relationship with Terezi, as well. This is the canon we have to refer to.
So, practically speaking, what does this mean? I'll tell you.
*If you bring a character in solely to grab a booth and make-out, I will tell you to leave. You can do that over Private Messages, Pesterchum, Typewith.me, or anything else.
*If any spontaneous make-outs that do crop up go on for more than a few posts, I will tell you to stop.
*Any kind of fondling, groping, lewd, sexual, or otherwise questionable behavior is expressly forbidden. We don't want to see it. Take it elsewhere. This also includes excessively detailed descriptions of a make-out.
Don't get me wrong. I fully understand that romance is a fun part of RP in general, and trollplay in particular. Yet it is also important to consider the context of where this is happening, and the Cafe thread is also supposed to be for character development. "Oh, but faithful cafe owner! This romantic relationship is development for my character!" you might say. Well, yes. How a relationship grows and develops is very important to development. Sloppy make-outs, however, do not really develop anything. They are just sloppy.
7: Problems
Gotta face facts: Problems are gonna crop up. Maybe it’s another player, maybe a fight broke out and someone is god moding, maybe someone decided that it would be awesome to bring in the rainbow-drinker rainbowblood who’s gonna be the next empress and who is secretly the lover of all the canon trolls. All of them. If you have a problem with someone, contact them. Privately and politely. It is not good to make a scene in public. If you are particularly adverse to conflict, you can contact me and I’ll see what I can do.
Likewise, if I see something I think is a problem, I will PM you and try to straighten things out to everyone’s benefit. Note that I will ask you to withdraw or revise a character if I think they will remain problematic as they are. I want everyone to have fun, but I also believe that the fun of the many outweighs the fun of the few.
8: Rules Change
I reserve the right to change or revise these rules at any time with or without notification. So remember to check back occasionally to refresh yourself!
9: Fun
Have fun!
Or else!
Also, be polite, kids!
FAQ
(Okay, I don't really get many questions, but this seemed like the best label for this section.)
Q: What if I want to roleplay something that isn't allowed in the Cafe?
A: There are several other mediums for roleplaying: Instant messengers, including the fan-made Pesterchum client; typewith.me or sync.in collaborative documents; private messages. In theory, after characters meet in the Cafe, they can continue roleplaying elsewhere.
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The Precursor

[Dudemaster47]

UM I WAS JUST UH
HELPING TO SHOW THE RECIPROCATION PART
BETTER I GUESS

You laugh nervously.

This is awkward.

---



and you were uh...ri6h7 in doin 7ha7 cause i couldn7 remem8er 7he las7 9ar7 of 7ha7 lec7ure 7here. 6ood jo8 minion for doin yer 9ar7.

This is really awkward.

[Syvar]

The word minion clicks in Dyanas's head.
Minion? I just remembered Kekereig telling me about red fe-

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As if it wasn't awkward enough.
Err, nevermind. I'm just going to uh... Bye.
He sprints out of the cafe.
((Bluh. Gotta go to school tomorrow. Night.))

[Fexxos Vyront]

You finish your design... and then you have nothing to do.

[Dudemaster47]

Silence between the two of them. They just kind of exchange glances and both walk out because neither of them is sure of exactly what to say to the other. ((Night))

[lightningRecluse]

Rissel walks in, and survey's the cafe. She doesn't really see too much of note, but settles down anyway. She'll be occupied with a book for about twenty minutes, but if anybody is willing to wait that long before absconding, she'll be here to chat with.

[Fexxos Vyront]

As previously mentioned, you are task-less.
You can wait, but you're probably not going to head up to the blueblood yourself.

[lightningRecluse]

She sets her book down gently, before captchalouging it. Two of the other patrons walk out, and only one remains.

Rissel stands up slowly, and walks over to him.

۞~Good evening Jadeblood. My name is Rissel Nevela. Yours?~۞

Sounding a little snippy there Rissel? Yep. Sure are.

[Fexxos Vyront]

You would argue that your blood is closer to Malachite than Jade, but she doesn't seem to care.
[> ... eveNiNG... uh... i'm vuLkis. CAN i heLp you with somethiNG?
You left your designs on the table by accident...

[lightningRecluse]

Rissel glances at the plans on the table. She raises an eyebrow as if impressed.

۞~Yes you can. You can try to entertain me. Which you could do by explaining to me what exactly these intricate blueprints are for. ~۞

[Fexxos Vyront]

[> my work... erm...
You shuffle the pages around to let her get glances at them, but, hopefully not long enough to memorize. Gauntlets, necklaces, armor pieces, etc., most involving some set stones. Each one has various notes and details, composition of each metal alloy used, specific stones and cuts, casting temperatures...

[lightningRecluse]

Rissel has nearly photographic memory, so while she doesn't memorize the words, she does memorize the pictures.
When he's done, she turns to him and looks him in the eyes.

۞~I said explain, not show. Those are two completely different things Vulkis. If you cannot explain, then tell me some hypothetical bullshit like you*d have to kill me if you told me. I understand trade secrets, believe it or not. ~۞

The author apologizes for Rissel's bitchiness. She's rather volatile at the moment as she's lost a lot of things dear. Particularly her kismesis and matesprit.

[Fexxos Vyront]

The pictures are effectively useless without knowing exactly what is composed of what, or having the structural notes.
[> sorry, eh... metAL workiNG. i mAke Armor ANd sometimes jeweLry... i'd rAther Not go iNto muCh detAiL, siNCe... weLL... trAde seCrets ANd ALL.

[lightningRecluse]

Her face brightens up a little at the mention of bright shiny colorful rocks. She's always wanted a necklace to match her blood color.
Regardless, she doesn't look too impressed with the idea of his metal working, though she does seem to be pondering. For the record she can't and wouldn't bother making sense of the pictures. She's a librarian, not a metal worker.


۞~That wasn*t too hard, was it? Now, how about I propose a trade of services?~۞

[Fexxos Vyront]

You're unaware of this concept.
[> A whAt?
If she came out and said what she was after, you'd understand. You're only socially inept when the answer isn't right in front of you.

[lightningRecluse]

Rissel stares at him for a little bit in disbelief, and then begins to break it down.

۞~A trade of services, a process in which I offer something you may or may not want, for something I want, so that we both benefit from the exchange. In essence I will hand you 4 metalworking texts, I have plenty. You can come and view them and pick which four you*d like. In exchange for a Silver Necklace, with a gem the color of my blood~۞

[Fexxos Vyront]

The offer is tempting, but realistically...
You could expand your jewelry skill. That would be beneficial.
[> ... hoLd stiLL pLeAse? ANd try Not to freAk out...
You take a piece of the paper and put it behind her, and carefully trace the edge of her neck with a pencil, trying to get an accurate shape.

[lightningRecluse]

She holds still.
She couldn't possible be more still. Well physically anyway.

۞~So is that deal a yes then? I am sure I am in possession of some books that will grant you new knowledge in your own field.~۞

[Fexxos Vyront]

Once you have an outline of both sides you pull it back and connect them to look like a necklace display stand.
[> sure, sure. just stArt teLLiNG me whAt you wAnt.

[lightningRecluse]

Because the author is terrible at describing things, she wants one of these:

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but with her symbol in her blood color in the middle, along with a carved version of Nanara's symbol on the back of it.
She doesn't have anything to remember Nan by, spare her eyepatch, and thats hardly a good hatememory at all. Although it does make her remember how much sheu hated that bitch.

Rissel sighs in memory. Perhaps this is a good idea. Perhaps not.

[Skvira]

Dragun enters the cafe and sits down on a table. Looking around

[Fexxos Vyront]

You draw out the order, and begin planning it out.
[> ... anything else special that you want...?

[lightningRecluse]

Rissel snaps out of her kismetic day dreams long enough to respond to his question.
۞~...No. That*s fine.~۞


She then stands up.

۞~We*ll have to discuss my end of the deal the next time I see you. I have... Business, to attend to.~۞

abscond.

[Fexxos Vyront]

You shrug and continue sketching, but do so so intently that you are no longer available to talk to while I take a nap. A long nap.

And then of course, you finish. And are left once again with nothing to do.

[Rai-CH]

Skathi limps out of the backrooms. She at least had the sense to bandage up her wound and change out of her blood-stained clothes. Her glasses are still destroyed; one lens completely gone, while the other is cracked.
She takes a seat in a booth, bumping into a few tables along the way. Having shitty vision really sucks.