Sex Ed Processing Station #5. (Sex, Gender, and Relationship Q&A)

[egregiousBass]

Probably because masturbation is an expression of emotional weakness in the face of reality.

gay sex counts as masturbation.

oh i see what you did there

[Oroborobo]

technically if you want to get grammatical there's more than 5 minutes between those two points so they should contradict each other

[NotASenator]

Stop.

[Drillgorg]

Oroborobo you are no longer allowed to post in the Sex Ed Thread. Any posts made here will be infracted and probably edited blank.

The rest of you, carry on as you were two pages ago please.

[Almost Human]

Uhh...
Ooookay then. Ignoring all that...stuff...

Anyway, let's get to the point. We're still really great friends, but I just haven't been able to come out to him. He's nothing like his parents but I have no idea what his opinions on homosexuality are, and no matter how subtly I try to pry the information out of him he always wrote me off with a joke. I mean, he may be completely unlike his parents and not care, or it could be the one thing that did rub off on him and it will just end the friendship right there.

The simplest answer is to just not say anything, but if he asks me if I have a girlfriend yet one more time I swear to god I might just vomit right there. What is everyone else's thoughts?

If hiding your sexuality from him puts a strain on your friendship or stresses you out in any way, then I would just be honest with him. Maintaining this friendship this way is, in itself, straining your relationship. If honesty completely breaks it apart it may actually be for the best, but if he's any kind of friend the honesty should only bring you closer together and allow you to relax and really be yourself.
Unless this friendship is way more important to you than your own personal comfort, in which case I can only make sad eyebrows and pat you on the back while wishing you good luck. I could never do it, and knowing a friend may be uncomfortable with who I am and what I do would make me very sad.

[Varkarrus]

kiss him
kiss him right now

[pirrou]

Well, the discussion about asexuality a few pages back was just the catalyst for me announcing to some of my friends that I don't like identifying as asexual. I don't like policing my language and what jokes I can make to avoid "confusing" my friends, I don't like the speculation about its validity, and I don't like it being one of the first things people learn about me when I meet them in my university's queer group, because I don't like worrying that they're assuming before they get to know me that I'm humorless or morally superior.

I guess when I move later this year, that'll be my chance to let that fall by the wayside. The fact is that I still meet people the easiest in queer meeting places, and sexuality is a topic that comes up in discussion and that I have to explain sometimes. The best short answer is "I'm not really anything" or "I don't want to label myself" (and the latter sounds like a thing a raving douche would say, so I don't really want to say that.) The truth is that I have tendencies in various directions, but since it's all non-sexual and only dubiously romantic, it's not super relevant. If I explained that, more terminology-savvy people might encourage me to say I'm asexual anyway.

Is this just cowardice? I know my reasons for not wanting to identify as asexual, which are that I don't like how it affects other people's expectations of me, are born from a lack of understanding or reliance on stereotypes of asexuality. I used to be very involved in the asexual community, and asexual education will remain close to me, because of course I think it's important for people who identify as asexual to be respected and understood. I feel hypocritical for not wanting it as a prominent part of my identity anymore, but I'm tired of being An Asexual, I just want to be a person who tangentially doesn't seem to be interested in sexual or romantic relationships.

[DecidedlyDevious]

@AH: Yeah you're right and it's like intellectually I know that but... it's weird we've been friends for so long and we've been such a great support for each other, it's just so scary knowing that it could just be over. And that might be an over-exaggeration. In all likelihood at worst he'll get a little uncomfortable but we'll talk it through and everything will be fine. But my brain won't be reasonable, it's annoying. I almost told him this weekend when he came by but I got all... panic attack-y.

kiss him
kiss him right now

It's funny I had contemplated doing this just because it made the most hilarious image in my head.

@pirrou: it sounds to me like you're trying to mind-read people (kind of like me in my situation, in a way). You're trying to guess how people feel about certain things and then worrying about what you assume the answer is. It's a bit of a dangerous road, because often we are wrong about what they actually think. And plus, have you ever considered that the people who judge you for being asexual are the douchebags, not you for just being honest about how you feel? Regardless of how feel you have to put it, do it the way that's right for you. If people write you off as an asshole for being honest with yourself then those aren't people you want to be friends with anyway.

[Varkarrus]

btw because of your avatar I totally am the closest to loving you as is physically possible
but it won't work because you are gay and I'm asexual and also I hate pain.

[flutterShy]

I am inexplicably finding I'm hornier when I'm on my period/during the periods right before/right after it.

Is this a normal thing?

/tmi

[Blueberry]

Yes, from what I know it's pretty normal. (it is for me, and i think i remember it coming up in conversation in this or an earlier thread)
as for why: hormones!! yaaaay

[kraine]

Yes, from what I know it's pretty normal. (it is for me, and i think i remember it coming up in conversation in this or an earlier thread)
as for why: hormones!! yaaaay

Whaat. You'd think hormones would work the more efficient way. I've never noticed a spike in horniness on my period, but then again I'm not the most sexual person.

[kyriaki]

hormones

efficient

ahahahaha nope!

[kraine]

ahahahaha nope!

Well.. many rapes result in pregnancy because hormones are able to indicate ovulation. That's one example of hormones being efficient. If they weren't efficient, not many of our bodily processes would work.

[Vare E8]

Hormones are scoremones. Pretend you didn't say rape.

[shavingfoams]

I'll make my triumphant return to this thread to state that my ladyfriend finds it much easier to orgasm in the time around her period. I think it might be nature's way of saying "Still not pregnant? GO OUT THERE AND GET PREGNANT, DAMMIT!"

[DecidedlyDevious]

Hormones do more than tell your body to have sex. They also regulate your body's sexual functions. Horniness just tends to be a side effect of it really since you've got like.. two hormones taking care of a whole bunch of things including arousal. If our body made 10 different sex hormones, then yeah maybe your body could regulate itself without getting horny but that's pretty disadvantageous when you can take care of ovulation AND make babies at the same time. In a way, it IS more efficient, just not for society.

[Bandages]

Hormones are the chemical signals that your brain uses to get your body to feel certain things. They are the postal service for your body's intricate chemical pathways.

Spikes in hormone levels can cause increased behavioral effects. Tis why teens are moody, why periods make women act differently, and why men have a hard time thinking when they gots a boner

[flutterShy]

I suppose I worry a lot since my period is very irregular so if it's supposed to be hormone-regulating/stuff like that, I worry. Yay for no insurance. Also has anyone had any experiences with Planned Parenthood - in terms of getting birth control and stuff there? (TOTALLY not likely, but it can't hurt to ask, 'cause I /really/ kind of need this figured out, while it's nice having a period only like 2 or 3 times a year, I'd like that because my doc told me I would, not for reasons I don't know/understand).

[Blueberry]

so you've talked to your doc about the irregular periods thing?

if not, here are just a few things that can cause irregularity
- changes in diet (especially if you're not eating enough) and weight loss or gain (especially if you're underweight)
- exercise (not getting enough OR getting more than usual; athletes are often irregular)
- stress
- and of course, pregnancy and a variety of illnesses and conditions

(obviously not all of these apply to you, spy)

[Windwaker]

DD : About your friend. Take your own advice. :P

@pirrou: it sounds to me like you're trying to mind-read people (kind of like me in my situation, in a way). You're trying to guess how people feel about certain things and then worrying about what you assume the answer is. It's a bit of a dangerous road, because often we are wrong about what they actually think.

[flutterShy]

I haven't had a reliable doc in nearly 4-5 years, blueberry. I lost my state healthcare at 17, wasn't at my job long enough to get a doctor, and can't afford private healthcare. :/

hm some of those (weight and stress) might be doing it but I've been irregular since I started so....

[Blueberry]

ugh, fuck this country

[DecidedlyDevious]

DD : About your friend. Take your own advice. :P

I know it's a bit funny. But that advice is more intended for meeting new people. This is a 17 year relationship and has been important for me for that length of time. I guess it easier to give advice than to take it, especially when it's your own

[Vare E8]

Regarding healthcare, things are a lot cheaper if you get them fixed earlier rather than later. Plus a hell of a lot healthier and safer. I suggest seeing a doctor as soon as you get proper finances, assuming your situation starts to legitimately worry you.