Today is your day. [Semi-Aisleventure]

[Brickman]

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This started out as an aisleventure, which would be very similar in tone to Make a contract with me and become a magical girl! Which is to say, humorous, adversarial and meta.

However, it's somewhat diverged from the Aisleventure formula in that there are running plot points. It's actually more of a free-for-all now--you can suggest silly one-off endings, continue an existing plot thread, or even spawn off a new plot thread from what normally would've been a silly one-off ending. Plot threads are many and many are confusingly meta, such as a thread in which one player tries to "kill" the other players and anyone he gets starts suggesting as some form of undead.

As an aisleventure, all suggestions lead to an "ending". These endings can be completely distinct, not having to fit into any kind of continuity with each other, but a sort of meta-continuity has been formed by many anyways. As a general rule I respond to every suggestion, as long as you only post one suggestion per round of endings. That's the only rule you, the audience, are expected to obey. Not counting, like, forum rules and school filters and stuff I don't control.

So the big man upstairs thinks he can just push people like you around, huh? We're all just bugs under his mighty heel? Well not anymore!

Today is your day. Today is the day you're going to get the last laugh. You'll show him!

Umm, what were you going to do again?

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Current Abilities:
You may invoke Controlled Lightning via Lightning Machine
You may invoke Controlled Flight via hacking reality
You may invoke Controlled Weather via Weather Control Machine
Someone else may invoke Controlled Weather via Weather Control Machine
You are supernaturally bad at videogames.
You are the head of a new religion, based on your control over the weather.
You are the head of another new religion, based on your acts as a benevolent spirit.

And more??? (Yes)

The above powers have been earned for use in all endings, anytime you want them. Heck, you even have them if they weren't mentioned in your post! Other powers, of course, come and go as appropriate for each ending. But in general you don't have them*.
*Unless it's funny.

[Neopie]

Punch God in the snout to establish superiority.

[Dermonster]

Plant a swarm of flesh eating locusts in his desk drawer.

[JRCrusher]

Use your Enchanted Pocketwatch to wreak mayhem on all of those to your left.

[Fengar]

>Finish your teleporter.

[EnigmaticD]

Just generally mess up the big man's day.

[Brickman]

Punch God in the snout to establish superiority.

You attempt to do this. In response, God smites you with lightning to establish superiority. His is slightly more successful.

***Huh, lightning. There's GOTTA be something you can do about that, right?***

Plant a swarm of flesh eating locusts in his desk drawer.

Unfortunately you realize halfway there that the bag you're carrying the locusts in is not actually any less edible than human flesh. Luckily, the number of locusts who easily fit in a desk drawer or bag is not enough to eat all your flesh...

***Now you need to come up with a plan that doesn't require your right arm. Or your left arm. Or your right shoulder. Or the lower half of your face.***

Use your Enchanted Pocketwatch to wreak mayhem on all of those to your left.

You're right in the middle of pulling down your nemesis's pants when the watch grinds to a halt. You really should have wound up your time stopper at regular increments while time was stopped.

His bodyguard is not amused.

***At least he doesn't confiscate the pocketwatch! Or should I say, the pocket full of broken springs and cogs that managed to hurt the guy's fist just enough to make him really angry.***

>Finish your teleporter.

Finally, after years... no, a lifetime of work, it is time to test your teleporter. If this succeeds... to your immediate relief, the phone rings as soon as you've sent the cat off towards your assistant's abode.

"Well? Did the cat make it there in one piece?"

"So that was you. Yes, the cat is here and is in perfectly good health. It's lapping up a bowl of milk right now. But professor..."

"Finally! He didn't think it would work, he told me it was a waste of funding and a mockery of science, but I showed him, didn't I?"

"Professor, he finished his own teleporter last week."

"WHAT?"

"Have you not left your lab all week? It's been all over the news! A working eco-friendly teleporter. He's already been given tenure at seven different universities and the Nobel Prize in two categories."

God damn it, not again!

***Wait, did he say eco-friendly? Because the one you used drained an entire city's power grid. Crap, how are you going to afford that electric bill?***

Just generally mess up the big man's day.

When he asks you for his daily double-expresso, you bring him a decaff. When the client calls in with an astounding new bid you tell him you've already gone with another offer. While he's at lunch with another important client a computer worm just "happens" to find its way onto his server, forcing him to run out on the bill. On his way home he mysteriously runs out of gas on the interstate.

He cannot hope to beat you at a prank-off. You are simply the best there is.

***You soon find yourself unemployed and the company bankrupt, but you never are caught.***

(Ending count: 5)

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So the big man upstairs thinks he can just push people like you around, huh? We're all just bugs under his mighty heel? Well not anymore!

Today is your day. Today is the day you're going to get the last laugh. You'll show him!

Umm, what were you going to do again?

[Dermonster]

Quit in an awesome manner to the theme of Bohemian Rasphody.

[Fengar]

>Retrieve the magic sword and kill the boss.

[EnigmaticD]

>Become Charlie Sheen. Start Winning.
Alternately:
>Become Nicholas Cage. Start being angry.

[JRCrusher]

>Walk right up those steps, cast a stasis field on the guy, shove him in a bag of holding that you then drop in a volcano and take over daily operation of the guild.

[WateryHell]

>Eat the boss' Doritos.

ALTERNATIVELY:

>Drink Powerthirst.

[SonicLover]

>Leave a banana peel at the top of the stairs. Watch out for it when you leave.

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There aren't enough Aisleventures around. I'm always glad to see another one.

[Chwoka]

Wait, you're the big man upstairs! What happened to us, man, what happened to our dreams. we were gonna buck the system.

[Brickman]

Quit in an awesome manner to the theme of Bohemian Rasphody.

Your timing is top-notch. You get about three lines in before he calls security, but by the time they get there you're already to the part of the song where you should be getting dragged away by the guards. Your string of perfect timing continues and you are dumped out on the street juuuuuust as you reach the last line.

***Totally worth it.***

>Retrieve the magic sword and kill the boss.

Alright, after weeks of work you've retrieved the secret sword from the secret cave. Everything in the game falls like flies before this sword and its obscure Ether element, since virtually nothing resists it. Surely you'll be able to kill the final boss.

***I think you see where this one's going.***

>Become Nicholas Cage. Start being angry.

You are now a street tough renegade who did hard time behind bars, and want nothing more in the world than to reunite with your loving wife and daughter. But not so fast! You have to go on crazy and dangerous escapades through the sky with a motley assortment of rogues led by John Malkovich, who is wise to your heroic nature and pure heart. They tether a grumpy police man's awesome car to the plane and smash it, and then later they crash into some casinos. You get out of the wreckage and hug your family.

***Somewhere within that mess of a film I believe you also kill at least half of the villains on that plane, but John didn't seem to think that was worth mentioning.***

>Walk right up those steps, cast a stasis field on the guy, shove him in a bag of holding that you then drop in a volcano and take over daily operation of the guild.

Sadly the boss has massive Spell Resistance and your stasis spell fails to take hold. You have comparatively little Physical Resistance and his boot-up-the-ass non-spell works just fine.

***Next time get a strategy guide.***

>Eat the boss' Doritos.

A few weeks later you notice an amount missing from your paycheck which you quickly notice to be the price of a bag of Doritos.

How did he know?

***You really don't want to know all the places he has cameras set up.***

>Leave a banana peel at the top of the stairs. Watch out for it when you leave.

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There aren't enough Aisleventures around. I'm always glad to see another one.

Having seen this gag before, you are very careful not to slip on your own banana peel. Unfortunately, when the boss comes out and slips on it you're still standing at the bottom of the stairs.

***Although it is statistically probable that you would still hurt him more than you hurt yourself, probability is a funny thing and he just happened to permanently shatter numerous key bones within your body.***

(Ending count: 11)

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So the big man upstairs thinks he can just push people like you around, huh? We're all just bugs under his mighty heel? Well not anymore!

Today is your day. Today is the day you're going to get the last laugh. You'll show him!

Umm, what were you going to do again?

[Dermonster]

Knock over the domino and set off the contraption that would make the combined might of Escher and Rube Goldberg cry out in gibbering terror.

[hero122]

Tell him that he hasn't paid his rent this month! while secretly you've taken his payments!

[Chwoka]

My chick bad, my chick hood, my chick does things that you wish yours would.

[Fengar]

>Blow up his house.

[WateryHell]

>Program a virus to wipe out the boss' electronic devices.

[epoxy]

Push him down the stairs.

[Brickman]

Knock over the domino and set off the contraption that would make the combined might of Escher and Rube Goldberg cry out in gibbering terror.

Just as the row of dominos are nearing the tripwire to set the ball rolling, someone slams a door somewhere else in the building and five different parts of the contraption go off by themselves. You thus have significantly less time to evacuate the area than you planned for and are caught in the blast radius.

***This always happens.***

Tell him that he hasn't paid his rent this month! while secretly you've taken his payments!

He notes that SOMEONE has certainly been cashing the checks he's been making out, and either that somebody is the landlady or that somebody is about to get sued to kingdom come for identity fraud. That someone then very discreetly returns the money.

***Seriously, does anybody pay for things in cash anymore? Any hands at all?***

My chick bad, my chick hood, my chick does things that you wish yours would.

He quite quickly and efficiently steals your chick.

***That's in the Casanova sense, not the Bowser sense. Just so we're clear on that.***

>Blow up his house.

You realize later that you blew up the wrong house. Luckily it wasn't anyone you knew so you don't particularly care.

***If it was somebody you knew you probably would have known it was their house.***

>Program a virus to wipe out the boss' electronic devices.

Unfortunately, when you go online to obtain the virus which you will put on your boss's computer, you make the amateur mistake of actually obtaining a copy of that virus to give him. Ironically it renders your electronic devices incapable of being used to transfer any files.

***Leave the cyberwarfare to the professionals. Or, failing that, to the amateurs who've been doing it long enough that they should be professionals.***

Push him down the stairs.

He bends down to tie his shoe at just the right moment, making you miss and topple down the stairs. Luckily the laws of cartoonish slapstick prevent you from receiving any serious injury from such a comical display of uncoordination.

***Even though the stairs were a rather improbable forty-two stories high and you managed to fall down the entire staircase, bouncing at regular intervals.***

(Ending count: 17)

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So the big man upstairs thinks he can just push people like you around, huh? We're all just bugs under his mighty heel? Well not anymore!

Today is your day. Today is the day you're going to get the last laugh. You'll show him!

Umm, what were you going to do again?

[The One Guy]

> Trick him into being trapped in a video game of your creation.

[Dermonster]

Call the apartment manager/police on his stoned biker ass!

[Bamoehn]

Become a zombie in the apocalypse that is obviously going on and eat his brains.