Skaia Garden (Kindergarten AU)

[martia]

Your name is JOHN EGBERT, you are 22 years old and you are the PRANKING MASTER. Though, that is just your secondary job now. You have just finished your Diploma in EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION, and your FULL-TIME JOB is being a KINDERGARTEN TEACHER. Because of your EXCEPTIONAL SKILLS AND ATTITUDE, you were posted to a TROLL KINDERGARTEN.

Today, you begin your FIRST DAY of school.





SKAIA GARDEN is one of the few kindergartens build to INTEGRATE TROLL CHILDREN in this planet called EARTH. Sharing a planet with a new alien species is always challenging, and much more so when this species is one that had ONLY KNOWN VIOLENCE through all of their lives.

While most of the adult trolls don't care much for CULTURAL SENSITIVITY and prefer to just ARGUE with humans all the time, they do not mind having their CHILDREN TROLLS schoolfed through this HOOFBEASTEXCREMENT known as EDUCATION. It is not what's happening to them, after all.

And the humans most definitely DO NOT MIND schoolfeeding little grubs to in hope that they will face less of these ARGUMENTS with the troll species in 20 years time. Arguement being a word that is an UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR/SWEEP used to describe current adult human-troll interactions.





You arrive at work half-an-hour early. You greet your colleagues and start preparing for your class, which will be made up of wigglers about TWO SWEEPS OLD. Your class is called the CLASS OF WIND AND SHADE or simply, COWAS. Today will be their first time at a kindergarten, and you hope it will be a good experience for them.

When everything is in order, you hear the DOORBELL ring. It is definitely one of your charges, because first-timers are supposed to report a good half-an-hour before the regulars, who are in the Class of Heat and Clockwork.

You hurry to the kindergarten FRONT DOOR, excited to meet the troll toddler who will be your very FIRST STUDENT.

Now, who is it?

[martia]

okay, my very first adventure. with crappy art of course. and foreseeable extra-slow updates. (i am trying to get out of my dry spell here.) i have never written any sort of fanfic before, so please be patient with me. and pardon me for my lack of funny or wit, i will learn to do that soon, hopefully.

another thing to note is, that i may not get some cultural references or words or systems, because i am basing this setting on how kindergarten is like in my country, which is not america.

this is totally inspired by hanamaru youchien and sket dance chapter 127.

[Nayeli]

Adult Trolls? Silly, don't you mean their lusii? I'll take it that you're trying to set this in a totally different dimension. Like WAY WAY WAY FAR away from the canon world. Anyway, continuing on:

> Be greeted by a troll with extravagantly colorful insults.

[Brickman]

That's probably why they're ok with it--earth doesn't seem to be rich in animals intelligent enough (or well-trained enough, or evolved for the purpose of) to be lusii. So if any trolls are stuck here, somehow, they're going to need a new way of raising kids--why not just let the eager humans who already have a system do it for you?

[Holly]

Hi, martia! : D I like your art and Kindergarten AUs are the best so I'll follow this thread now. C:
I have never been in the Cradle and commented on fresh Fanventures before, but I hope I can be useful and get you on your way out of here!
Oh and I've never gone to kindergarten at all so uhhh I'm not sure how things work. xD

Oh god, 4 year olds, huh? God bless any interns or trainees...They'll be ripped apart by the seams.
play with me!!
no, play with ME!
it's MY time to play with Dualscar!!

Yeah, so the ancestors are the interns, you know it.



> John: Be almost pushed over by a bundle of energy rushing past you
> Bundle of energy: Be super --EXCIT------ED about your first day in kindergarten!!

[cautiousCapricorn]

> Signless: Take your offspring to school

>Karkat: SQUIRM DAMNITT!

[martia]

> Be the Signless.
> Be the Guardian of the troll with extravagantly colourful language.

You are CRABDAD and you are CRABBY tonight. You are actually crabby everynight, but the amount of crabby you feel TODAY TAKES THE CAKE, eats the cardboard box it is packaged in and digests the whole plastic bag together in gastric juice. Because tonight, is your troll's first night at school.

NO! FUCK YOU, DAD! PUT ME DOWN YOU NOOKSNIFFING QUADROPOD! I AM NOT GETTING SCHOOLFED BY HORNLESS TENDERSKINNED MONKEYS! FUCKING GRUBSUCKER! YOU JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO BE WITH ME--

Would you look at that impudence? How dare he, spouting out such foul language in public? (He learnt that from you.) How dare he imply that you are a bad lusus? (You don't think he is a good troll either.) He totally doesn't understand how much you have done for him.

Crabdad: Exposit on what you have done for your troll.

Sweeps ago (but not many), you come across this CANDY-RED GRUB in the Earth BROODING CAVERNS. Such a terrible colour is considered a MUTATION, and no sane lusus will ever choose him. In fact, he would be left there until a drone discovers him and CULLS HIM on the spot.



You are not a sane lusus, but a clever one. You take out your HUSKPHONE and SNAP A PICTURE of him. Then you uploaded it on TUMBLR, slapping as many TAGS on your post as you can, and YOU WAIT. Very soon, trolls and humans started a BIG ARGUMENT on whether the candy-blooded troll grub should be culled or not. When your photo reached OVER 9000 REBLOGS, you decided that it should be safe, so you carried your CANDY-RED GRUB out proudly. The JADEBLOOD MATRON looked FAIRLY DISGRUNTLED, but did not stop you. He grudgingly gave your troll his name and symbol.

Humans sure are effective!

> Be the squirmy wiggler.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and tonight your CRABBY LUSUS is bringing you to a place run by INFERIOR HUMANS so he can GET RID OF YOU for the whole night while he goes off and and do whatever it is lusii do when there is no ANNOYING WIGGLERS to look after. You are in no way EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to this CRAB MONSTER CUSTODIAN. You just HATE him so much, you want to BE WITH HIM ALL NIGHT reminding him of how much of a sucker he is for picking THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT for a troll and GRIEFING him endlessly with your EQUALLY CRABBY TEMPER.

You see a human through the glass doors of the kindergarten come and open it to greet you. Gog, you hate his derpy, smiling face. This earns him THIRD PLACE in your list of THINGS YOU HATE, the first being roe and the second the owner of the pincers grabbing you by the heels now.

hi, welcome! what's your name?
FUCK YOU TOO, FUCKASS. THERE IS NO WAY IN THAT PLACE FILLED WITH ANGELS THAT YOU HUMANS CALL PARADISE I AM GOING INSIDE YOUR INANE ESTABLISHMENT.
GOOD EVENING. THIS FUCKER'S NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, AND HE IS GOING THROUGH THIS HUMAN DISEASE CALLED SEPARATION ANXIETY.
DAD! WHAT THE IN THE BRIGHT YELLOW SUN ARE YOU SAYING. YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!
ummm, sorry, i don't think i understand lusus? but hold on...

The human looks at the symbol on your shirt and at a board mounted on the wall.

hi karkat!

-- -- -- -- --

what shld john do? and karkat? which wiggler comes next?

you can tell, i have a thing for crabdad. and boooo, writing is actually harder than drawing. it is especially hard to imitate karkat's speech.

Hi, martia! : D I like your art and Kindergarten AUs are the best so I'll follow this thread now. C:
I have never been in the Cradle and commented on fresh Fanventures before, but I hope I can be useful and get you on your way out of here!
Oh and I've never gone to kindergarten at all so uhhh I'm not sure how things work. xD

waaahh it's the patron human of commenting!! glad to have you following this =3

[Bohandas]

[s]

That's probably why they're ok with it--earth doesn't seem to be rich in animals intelligent enough (or well-trained enough, or evolved for the purpose of) to be lusii. So if any trolls are stuck here, somehow, they're going to need a new way of raising kids--why not just let the eager humans who already have a system do it for you?

Yeah, I pretty much agree.,

EDIT: OOps, didn't see the update

[martia]

mmmhh, i'm not double-posting so i guess this shld be fine? bumpity bumpy bump. i would like some suggestions or comments, those would be nice

[Bluesunnyday]

THIS MUST CONTINUE. NAO.

[Bohandas]

I think either Vriska, Nepeta, Feferi, Terezi, or Tavros should arrive next. (How would Terezi even get dropped off though? Her Lusus is an egg. maybe it would roll along behind her...)

[The One Guy]

> John: Be almost pushed over by a bundle of energy rushing past you
> Bundle of energy: Be super --EXCIT------ED about your first day in kindergarten!!

This.

[KawaiiMelon]

Nepeta: Arrive next.

[Holly]

Hehe wow you drew Crabdad really good! O:
"first night at school." - Nice detail! I tend to forget they are nocturnal.
And haha oh my god, that was VERY smart of Cradad! Tumblr hahaha
Goodness this is so adorable! Especially little Karkat hanging upside down! 8D
"GOOD EVENING. THIS FUCKER'S NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, AND HE IS GOING THROUGH THIS HUMAN DISEASE CALLED SEPARATION ANXIETY." - I love your Crabdad. ;__; It is sooo nice to see the luses get a personality!

And it's good to be onboard!

I'm going to be boring and third myself on

> John: Be almost pushed over by a bundle of energy rushing past you
> Bundle of energy: Be super --EXCIT------ED about your first day in kindergarten!!

But maybe we should focus on John and Karkat for a bit first? Hmm...

>John: Thank Crabdad, take Karkat inside and show him to the play room.
>Karkat: Continue to be unbelievably crabby.

[martia]

> Be the next to arrive.

Your name is NEPETA LEIJON and tonight will be your FIRST TIME going to school. Unlike a certain grumpy wiggler, you are VERY LOOKING FORWARD to school. Your FELINE lusus has explained to you that school will be a place where you can meet with OTHER LITTLE TROLLS like you and make LOTS OF FRIENDS. Of course she is right. Because POUNCE DE LEON is simply the CUTEST AND BESTEST lusus any troll can ask for. You will be schoolfed by ADULT HUMANS, who are NOT IN THE LEAST BIT SCARY like adult trolls are, and they will TEACH YOU GAMES, and READ YOU STORIE---

Miiiaaaaaooooorrr--!!
MmeeeeoooowwwrrrRRRR!!!!!!!

)(---ELLO!!

-- -- -- -- --

srsly, guys. asking for feferi when you all know what her lusus is like? you must enjoy traumatising karkat and crabdad (and nepeta and pounce) right?

[Holly]

....
........
PFFFFFAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
That is amazing and I love it!!
I WAS wondering how Fef's lusus would take her to school. This is the best answer.


Ahahaha just noticing "SHOCK DROP". XD Poor Karkat. Poor John. Poor everyone!
Ha! I love how John's jaw drops right before he is hit by a giant tentacle!


John: Get up and ask who this young lady may be.
John: Quickly retrieve the two kids and take them inside to show them the play room/all the rooms. Get ready to meet the kitty cat and her lusus.
:b

[youdont12know]

This is the cutest FA I´ve ever read and you should be proud.
Also voting no more wigglers for the next update, first let John recover.

[The One Guy]

> Nepeta: YOU WILL NOT BE OUTDONE! Show them how a glomp really works!

[LupusArgentea]

This is perhaps the most adorable fan adventure in the history of fan adventure and I want to hug everything you draw please.

>Karkat: Complain.

[Copygoo]

SHOCK DROP

>Karkat: DAAAAAAD!
>Crabdad: Already have hightailed it the fuck out of there.

[Namboto]

>John: be completely unfazed

[Grand Mal]

Feferi's Lusus: have packed a healthy lunch of the TORTURED SOULS OF A THOUSAND SCREAMING WRATIHLIKE CUTTLEFISH

[Aetrop]

>Let's find out how Gamzee is going to get there!

[martia]

> Be the super excited one.

Your name is FEFERI PEIXES and you are VERY EARLY for school. It is NOT YOUR FIRST NIGHT at school, that was HALF A SWEEP AGO. However, it has indeed been ALMOST A PERIGEE since you went to school, and you CANNOT WAIT to be back. Due to the SIZE OF YOUR LUSUS, she has been instructed to BRING YOU TO SCHOOL EARLIER to prevent SCARING THE SHIT OUT OUT OF the other wigglers and their lusii.

What GL'BGOLYB did not know was the fact that FIRST-YEAR WIGGLERS would be reporting HALF-AN-HOUR EARLIER, so even though you reach school SUPER EARLY, your HORRORTERROR lusus still manages to successfully scare one (or two) wigglers and their lusii.

But you do not see WHAT IS SO SCARY about Gl'bgolyb. She is CONSIDERATE and NEVER RAISES HER VOICE ABOVE A WHISPER, even when she is upset. You know that she used to EAT LUSII before you were hatched. But now, Gl'bgolyb EATS ALIEN SPACESHIPS. It is because of her that no ALIEN INVADERS within the SOLAR SYSTEM can ever get close to Earth. She is a DEFENDER OF EARTH!

)(-EY!
You are a new schoolfeeder! I )(ave not seen you before! Are you my teac)(er now?
Glub glub!
NIC---E M-E-ETING YOU!

Before the new schoolfeeder gets to answer you, you are picked up by A FAMILIAR PAIR OF ARMS belonging to one DONNING A PAIR OF COOL SHADES.

hey peixes
youre here
MIST-ER STRID--ER!
in the flesh babe
cmon lets go in

> John: Be pushed over by bundle of energy.

Your colleague had ALREADY WARNED you about his toddlers. Still, words alone are NOT ENOUGH TO PREPARE YOU for what JUST HIT YOU in the face, literally. Well, start preparing. SOMETHING WORSE IS COMING.

That's right. In the MIDST OF THE CONFUSION, it would appear that Karkat's lusus HAS ABSCONDED. Either he must have realised that a GIANT TENTACLE makes for a PERFECT DISTRACTION to leave without his troll noticing, or was truly TERRIFIED FOR HIS LIFE and decided to MAKE A RUN FOR IT. Based on how hard YOUR OWN HEART is pumping, you suspect it is the latter.





Uh oh.

-- -- -- -- --

surprise character!

yea, c'mon. don't expect john to deal with 12 troll wigglers by himself. no amount of mangrit can prepare him for that.

[makuta]

I just realized that Spidermom is a thing that will happen.

That may be a problem.