fantroll crit thread: thread now full, please post in the new one

[Mibbs]

>Be the Absolute worst person possible




>be the uuhhh
raging asshole?








Woah okay no sorry



Your name is Jerrks Idgaf and you do NOT GIVE A FUCK.
You have taken this mantra to heart since you were young. Alternia's a shithouse of hormones and idiots about to be culled. You plan on finishing up your fucking prison sentence here, then joining the navy, blowing up some inferior species and dying amidst a hail of gunfire. Like any reasonable Sea Dweller, you live in an UNDERWATER FORTRESS you found. You live out in the bay of a very busy city, from which you terrorize with a fist of DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
Much to your chagrin this has made you quite popular among the citygoers as you are NOTORIOUS for standing up against fellow seadwellers that try and muscle in on YOUR TERRITORY. And since you don't give that much of a shit to YOUR TERRITORY the locals are generally left alone.

You are a very active flarper and a die-hard SUBMARAUDER. While you can hold your own on land, your specialty is sinking ships of unwary noblemen. While this nets you a lot of EXP it also nets you a lot of USELESS TREASURE that you leave at the bottom of your bay for anyone to find. This also adds to the idea among the populace that you are a kind and fair guardian of the city, which would drive you BATSHIT UP THE BELFRY if you actually cared.

Your lusus is a Sicklehead Shark that you just call dad and not Sharkdad or some other silly portmanteau because you aren't TWO.

If you were ever to play Sgrub which you probably wouldn't because it's about houses or some crap? And whatever it sounds wicked boring, but if someone roped you into it you would be the Rogue of Space (her house is the standard Space player house she found by an inactive underwater volcano).

You use the Array modus because dealing with fucking inventories muckups is too much of a HASSLE to worry about.

You do not use any chat clients with frequency but you have been known to occasionally sign on to the account DuchessoftheBay
and you odnt have a lame ass quirk and you dont giv a shit abiut errors and crap

this is jerrks, she does not give a fuck

[BewareOfNerd]

1. Does she have friends? Quadrants? Any relationships at all?
2. Did she once, perhaps in her younger days, actually give a fuck? What prompted her to stop?
3. Is there anything she cares about? Perhaps a little hobby?
4. What is her relationship with her lusus like?
5. Trolltags are generally two words. Perhaps bayDuchess?

Overall, this would look a bit better if you separated it into paragraphs like a canon troll profile instead of hitting enter after every sentence.

[Mibbs]

1. Does she have friends? Quadrants? Any relationships at all?
2. Did she once, perhaps in her younger days, actually give a fuck? What prompted her to stop?
3. Is there anything she cares about? Perhaps a little hobby?
4. What is her relationship with her lusus like?
5. Trolltags are generally two words. Perhaps bayDuchess?

Overall, this would look a bit better if you separated it into paragraphs like a canon troll profile instead of hitting enter after every sentence.

She doesn't have quadrants because she doesn't care
she's just trying to survive man. I honestly expect the average troll to behave something like this. Sure the drones are scary but there's about a million other ways to die on alternia.
She has a hobby, she Flarps
nothing special. He provides food and protection from creatures, she provides protection from trolls
she didnt care enough to figure out the standard nomenclature for trolltags

and she does not give a fuck about how her introduction is formatted

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This is about the most serious I will get about any sort of comic thing. I made her as a joke at first, but I am playing it completely straight here. She just does not give a fuck.

[ashdenej]

She doesn't have quadrants because she doesn't care / she's just trying to survive man

If she was just trying to survive? She would have quadrants. They're necessary for living - at least when the Drones come a-knocking.

[Mibbs]

If she was just trying to survive? She would have quadrants. They're necessary for living - at least when the Drones come a-knocking.

She has enough black suitors that she could probably deal with them in a pinch, but there's a lot we don't know about the drones. What age they collect, how often they collect, if they even bother trying to kill of the nautical aristocracy, etc...
So I guess I am going off my own interpretation of troll reproduction which is something I hoped i'd never have to say, but quadrants aren't supposed to be an important facet of her character anyway. Hell, she realistically could be killed by drones if they do show up. She just does what she wants when she wants, partially because she just does not give a fuck, and second she is very high on the hemospectrum and thus nobility.

I'm not trying to justify all this stuff to myself and everybody, I had just already thought about her stance on romance and thought it would be pointless to put in her actual introduction.

[Quincunx]

To make a character interesting they have to have things that matter to them. If your character doesn't care about anything how can we be expected to care about her? Why bother posting in here if you're not going to change anything about her and wave it off as "she doesn't care enough." Especially for things like her trolltag because it takes literally no effort to throw two words together. And if she is going to be apathetic, give her an interesting reason for this, and realistic consequences.

Spritewise her hair streaks are extremely sloppy. Try to smooth them out a bit, or better yet, cut it down to only one or two streaks. It looks very busy as it is.

[Mibbs]

To make a character interesting they have to have things that matter to them. If your character doesn't care about anything how can we be expected to care about her? Why bother posting in here if you're not going to change anything about her and wave it off as "she doesn't care enough." Especially for things like her trolltag because it takes literally no effort to throw two words together. And if she is going to be apathetic, give her an interesting reason for this, and realistic consequences.

Spritewise her hair streaks are extremely sloppy. Try to smooth them out a bit, or better yet, cut it down to only one or two streaks. It looks very busy as it is.

I guess you have a point. I posted her because I had the idea kicking around and I had already made the sprite (the hair is supposed to look dreadful, I tried to make her look like she has never Seen a comb). She wasn't ever going to interact in a roleplay so you don't need to worry about me just shoving her all over the place, I just wanted to try and make what i considered as close to a standard boring alternian citizen would be. Someone who could live with death and backstabbing and fairly casual murder and take it all in stride. Perhaps this was as dumb of an idea as the name Jerrks Idgaf is but i had fun making her, and I'll keep you alls advice in mind if i ever try this again.

[BewareOfNerd]

Well, many of the canon trolls are looking to form serious, long-term relationships at about 13 years of age, so I'm assuming drones come early enough for her to give a fuck.

[Quincunx]

It's not necessarily a bad idea but just... one I don't understand. Why would you make an intentionally dull character?

And there's a difference between having her hair look sloppy but well-drawn, and just having it poorly-drawn.

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

Well, many of the canon trolls are looking to form serious, long-term relationships at about 13 years of age, so I'm assuming drones come early enough for her to give a fuck.

Plus, the only image we have of the drones ask for one Black, one Red. So... in order to survive, she needs a Red.

[Thunder Reign]

Please don't post in this thread if you aren't willing to listen to our advice. Don't make us waste our time.

[Quincunx]

@Sheepy: So he's mad because he has what I guess I'd call an inferiority complex? Why does the fact that he's not as good as everyone at doing things keep him from doing them, especially because as you've said, he lives alone so there wouldn't really be anybody to compare himself too.

"Goreish" isn't a word. Try "gory."

If his lusus kills other trolls all the time, why doesn't Kilian sleep in their cocoons?


I'm still looking for some fanrace feedback if anybody feels like giving it! It's posted on the page before this one.

If not I guess I should put Caz up here. I've been hesitant in posting him since he was made a long time ago (he's my second troll actually) and has gone through a lot of development. Unfortunately that also means the traits I probably would not have given him had I made him later are now too integrated into his character for me to remove them, his little gills in particular. I've tried my best to have him deal with the consequences a mutation like that would bring, but I'm open to suggestions. I'm not happy at all with how his profile is written at the moment.

Your name is CAZIMI VERNIER and you stand as proof that nature sometimes makes mistakes. Since you’ve been allowed to reach 7 sweeps, it’s apparent you don’t even stand out enough to get culled.

You possess a pair of tiny, feathery GILLS just below your ears, as well as a small amount of webbing between your toes and fingers. Your gills are completely useless, and you probably would have chopped them off a long time ago if you weren’t sure your mediocre medical knowledge would lead to you BLEEDING to death. They neither help nor hinder, and you guess you should feel LUCKY you weren’t saddled with anything worse. You’ve tried to see them as features that elevate you above your blood class, but in truth all they manage to do is remind you that you’re nothing more than a shitty KNOCK-OFF of your noble rulers.

Your raylike LUSUS had just barely wiggled out of his egg sack when he adopted you, and his inexperience as a guardian left you without much GUIDENCE during your childhood. He’s not good for much more than transportation. You hide your ineptitude at social interaction behind a lot of bluster and rudeness, and tend to take out your FRUSTRATION on the lower classes. It’s rare that you actually get into a physical fight, since any lowblood with an ounce of sense would take one look at you and realize you were full of shit. This doesn’t stop you from hurling SLURS at them over trollian until you are inevitably blocked. Not that it matters to you. Who gives a crap if some pissblood blocks you? Not you, for sure.

As much as you admire and envy the upper classes, especially the seadwelling aristocracy, the thought of speaking to one of them terrifies you. They’d hate you instantly. If only the Mother Grub hadn’t fucked up and given you this ugly shade of dark blue, you could’ve been one of them. Instead you’re just a freak who doesn’t know where to go or what to do. You’re grateful for your place on the spectrum, as it means all your physical needs and wants are easily met, but that’s about all it does for you. Having someone to listen to and follow for once would be a relief, no matter who they were, but so far you haven’t been that lucky.

You have few real talents, one of which is CARTOGRAPHY. You’ve mapped miles of the ocean floor near your hive, marking the locations of ancient WRECKS that you regularly explore. Your weapon of choice is a FISHING SPEAR you found in an old whaling boat, and though it’s not amazing for combat you’re too attached to it to switch. Down there, under all that pressure and darkness, you can almost forget you’re not the real thing.
Maybe when you get older things will change, but for now, you’re more than a little lost.

Your trolltag is cobaltCoarctation and ∑ ^ owo you like sharks.

Here's a sketch showing what his gills look like with more accuracy:

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[nickelangelo]

Your name is Areola Halysi, and you are an eight sweep old enthusiastic yellowblood.
You are a devoted SEMI-HEMOLOYALIST, giving your betters GENUINE RESPECT, but also being a FRIENDLY and more often than not MEDDLESOME to the ones of lower blood castes, which are surprisingly few, considering your own blood color. You are a potent PSIONIC, abilities which could easily get you the job of a helmsman (or in your case a helmswoman), if it weren't for your current job as an ATTENDANT to the highbloods of the Church of Honk. Your lusus, a giant female SPARROW, made sure you grew up well behaved and ready to take on any assignment one of a higher blood caste may give you.

Your INTERESTS are not very varied, since you spend a lot of your time working, but now and then you find a little free time for yourself. You are considered to be an expert DEMONOLOGYST, especially in the field of the dreaded "angels", mythological creatures which fascinate you. You also believe in the foretold VAST HONK, and you often pray to the MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS, you being a very religious individual. These interests occupy most of your time, of course except your love for SEWING AND KNITTING. Yes, you love sewing and knitting, and you are so HORRIBLE at it you can't possibly get worse. You possess a vast COLLECTION of NEEDLES, SHITTY SEWING PROJECTS and DEMONOLOGY BOOKS, all of which you keep to yourself.

Your WORK, which, as previously mentioned, occupies you most of the time, consists of you working as a HONK PRIESTESS. You are one of the few lowblooded attendants to the highbloods who embrace the art and religion of subjugglators, who one day will become members of this highly honored party themselves. Initially, your role was to auspisticize between highbloods, but you have recently been PROMOTED due to stopping one of them from CULLING half of the other lowblood honk priests with minimal, but acceptable casualties. As a REWARD, you received a UNIFORM which you wear proudly. Your role now consists of acting as a MOIRAIL to the highblood you stopped, both in order to further keep him CALM and LEVELHEADED and in order not to get KILLED BY HIM. Possible murderous outcomes notwithstanding, you consider your job highly IMPORTANT and a great HONOR.

(you in your honk priestess uniform)

Your own a miracle modus, which you still have NO IDEA about how it works, despite your best efforts to UNDERSTAND IT. Your strife specibus is STAFFKIND, and a friend of yours, who happens to be a NERD skilled TECHNO-MANIAC, made you a SPECIAL STAFF which can handle your PSIONIC ABILITIES, in a way in which you can create a BUBBLE around yourself both for PROTECTION and OFFENSE, as you can LEVITATE around with it, RAMMING people when necessary. You are thankful for this gift, because otherwise your abilities become UNSTABLE and you CAN'T USE THEM ANYWAY, because you haven't yet found a way to manifest them without TECHNOLOGICAL AID..

Your view on the quadrants is mixed, as you are positive about being completely INCAPABLE of finding a kismesis, your only hope of black romance being the occasional AUSPISTICIZING you do between the future subjugglators. Your hope for red romance is almost as lost, being in a MOIRALLEGIANCE with a highly dangerous highblood and without enough time to consider a viable MATESPRIT.

You are regarded as a very WEIRD troll to be around, mainly because of your OPTIMISTIC and CHEERFUL nature, and of course because of your PITY and CARE for the rustbloods, but these traits are TOLERATED due to your so far UNQUESTIONABLE LOYALTY to the higher castes. You are not bent on killing other trolls, and even if you do have to defend yourself from time to time, you don't let that interfere with your fondness for troll society and culture.

Your trolltag is maidofMessiahs, and you (.) Speak replacing the letter o with (), als() replacing punctuati()n marks "." "!" and "?" with (.),(!) and (?) b()th at the end and beginning of the sentence (.)

TL;DR

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Name: Areola Halysi
Name origin: both names mean "halo" in Latin, at least that's what google translate says
Trollian handle: maidofMessiahs
Blood color: yellow (#efd466)
Lusus: giant sparrow
Symbol: A small circle intersected by a bigger one, symbolizing your horns
Age: 8 sweeps
Fetch modus: miracle modus
Strife specibus: staffKind
Job: Honk Priestess
Quirk: punctuation marks . ? and ! between () both at beginning and end of sentence, replacing "o" with "()"
Mythological role: Maid of Mind
Planet: Land of Prayer and Honk

((Critique please, if you have the time, I am very unsure about this troll. Constructive criticism ans ideas will be fondly considered))

[CraftyJongleur]

My critique:
You named your troll after a part of a nipple.

[Mooeena]

Would someone mind critiquing my troll on the last page please? Or should I take the silence as there's nothing wrong with her?

[ticktockCurator]

@Quincunx
1. I'd like to point out that I really like these type of trolls, the ones with underdeveloped fins. They make me happy
2. His blood color is really, really dark, as in I can't even tell it's supposed to be blue. Might just be me, though. His text looks indigo, though.
3. As a combination of the above two points, I generally believe that trolls with underdeveloped fins should be just above Gamzee, with obvious purple but of course no where near Eridan. It's up to you to decide where you'd like to go with his blood color, though.
4. Why does he like sharks? On that topic, what is the significance of his quirk? .....is it a shark?


@nickelangelo
1. Horns don't merge at the tips like that, I'm pretty sure. You could make them almost touching, though
2. Her blood seems a bit bright. I haven't actually checked it out, but it makes her text a bit hard to read, and in her uniform it's pretty hard to see on her...skin, I think?
3. Why are her psychic powers unstable without the staff her friend made?
4. I don't generally approve of trolls that can't get themselves a red/black quadrant, mostly because drones wouldn't care if she was of this and this importance, she's gotta fill buckets to avoid getting culled by them. Even just having one or the other filled would be good enough
5. Why is she so fond of troll society?
6. Explain how making a bubble of psionic power can be used offensively. Does she ram people with it while she's levitating?
7. How did she live long enough to not be straight out culled by the highbloods? I mean, they could probably get auspistices of a higher blood color, so why did they decide to use her instead of a blue blood (who are supposedly on the super loyal side) or even teal/green bloods? How did they find her in the first place, or vice versa?

@Mooeena
1. "OstrichMom" - In canon, I don't think trolls actually call their Lususes/Lusi like this. *shrug* I might be wrong
2. Her quirk is kinda....bland?
3. In the introductory-style profile itself, I wouldn't recommend putting information about her Ancestor (unless she actually knows her/they are relevant) or S___B. On the other hand, if you just put it there as trivia for us to see, then I guess that's fine.
4. You mentioned that she and some other people have somewhat of a "cult" about winter. Perhaps you could provide more information about that? Is she actively a part of it, and if so, what does she do in it?

[Quincunx]

His blood is meant to be darker than normal but I've had people say it looks black on their screen so I'll try to lighten it. He's meant to be just barely bordering on indigo, and while I'd like to keep him still a blueblood so the mutation is even more alarming, if you think it would be best to change to that I'll consider it.

He has a shark theme going on, appearance-wise plus his lusus is a sharklike creature, but I wanted to make it more subtle. I could add that in his profile though I guess and say he likes how they're apex predators or something.

His quirk is supposed to be a shark emoticon with the tail, dorsal fin, and face.

[creatorGirl]

I'm relatively new to the forums, but I have made a few fantrolls and would love to get feed back on them and tips on how to improve them.

This one is my first one and the most fleshed out.

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http://thecreatorgirl.deviantart.com/gallery/?catpath=scraps

Your name is BRITTA SCUTUM and you are a 6 and a half sweeps old rustblood.

Due to your status of being in the lowest castes, you treat everyone with some amount of RESPECT depending on how high their blood is. You also believe that your friends' and moirail's HAPPINESS and WELL-BEING come before your own, no matter the sacrifice. This tends to get on your moirail's nerves because you often get hurt do to his RASHNESS.

You love PUZZLES and are very affectionate of CLASSICAL LITERATURE. Because of this you mutt LUSUS will often bring you BOOKS and PUZZLE PIECES back from her exploring, though, you have NO IDEA where she gets them.

You are not that skilled at HACKING and are not very STRONG, you also do not posses any PISONIC POWERS; you are, however, rather FAST. This is what makes your shieldKind Strife Specibus so effective.

Your trolltag is snagledtoothPeasant and YOu talk rathEr prOpErly aND try NOt tO uSe CONjuNCtiONS if pOSSiblE.

Other facts:
Her hive is on a hill that over looks a forest.
Her moirail is Molaen Adutio, a greenblood.
She has a flushcrush on a brownblood who's name has yet to be decided.
She often uses her shield as a means of transportation.

Short Bio:
Name: Britta Scutum
Age: 6.5 Solar Sweeps
Gender: Female
trollTag: snagledtoothPeasant(not final)
Blood Color: Maroon
Quirk: Capitalizes all letters in the word 'second'
Lusus: Two tailed mutt dog
Land: Land of Dye and Pollution
Title: Maid of Oath
Fetch Modus: Card Catalog- This modus 'files' each captchalogued item alphabetically, but to retrieve anything, one must think of a book that starts with the same letter.
Strife Specibus: shieldKind
Planet: Prospit

Please tell me what you think of her and how I could improve/flesh her out more. Also, I apologize for the awful sprite. I'm rather new to sprite making. I'm also welcome to better trolltag suggestions.

[dragonLights]

My critique:
You named your troll after a part of a nipple.

They were going for the latin for "halo," as noted in the tl;dr.

By the by, I can't seem to find the word "halysi" in any latin dictionary I own or can find online. You're welcome to keep the name, of course, but if you want another latin word for halo, corona would work.

[AlosBothe]

==> Be the crazy vegetarian hermit troll.

HEY!!! i am NOT A herMIT!!! i'm A NOmad

==> Fine, be the crazy vegetarian nomad troll.

Your named is SEPHON TARRAX, and you are SIX SOLAR SWEEPS OLD. You actually are rather CRAZY, if by crazy you mean EXTREMELY ECCENTRIC. Your FOUR-EYED LONG-NECK LUSUS taught you not to eat MEAT, and instead you eat PLANTS and OTHER FAUNA. She also taught you how to CAMOUFLAGE YOURSELF, as being a VEGETARIAN and NON-VIOLENT on such a hostile planet as ALTERNIA can put you in much danger of BEING KILLED. So, you wear GREEN FACEPAINT to help you blend into your FOREST HOME. You really LOVE WEARING IT, but this has only kept other trolls away.

You do not have much FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION with other trolls, so you never really learned what is SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE when speaking. Because your lusus only makes GRUNTS AND ROARS in VARYING VOLUMES, you have learned to do the same WHEN YOU SPEAK. To be honest, your lusus has not been much help with your SOCIAL LIFE. But you do NOT REALLY KNOW THIS.

Your HIVE is PRECARIOUSLY PLACED on top of a TREE. Even the slightest breeze can cause your hive to SHIFT UNCONTROLLABLY. Therefore, you do not visit your hive often and instead TRAVEL EXTENSIVELY while riding the back of your lusus. You only return to your VERY DANGEROUS hive to gather supplies, if needed. And when you do actually enter the hive, your lusus CANNOT ENTER as well since she is EXTREMELY HEAVY and would probably DESTROY THE HIVE. Also she can't CLIMB LADDERS. That would just be SILLY.

FLOWER COLLECTING is something you really enjoy doing. The VARIOUS SPECIES you encounter on you travels genuinely excite you so much that you can't help but GUSH ABOUT THEM to whoever will listen. Which is, of course, NO ONE. Since you know this you instead keep a JOURNAL, where you keep PRESSED FLOWERS and write long descriptions about observations of the plants. You often try to COME UP WITH NAMES for the flowers you find, most of which are very SILLY and NOT CORRECT AT ALL.

You often feel a strange sense of PITY FOR THE DEAD. ...no, not THAT kind of pity, that would be DISGUSTING! Being NON-VIOLENT has also made you more SENSITIVE to the way trolls treat the DECEASED. You believe that the dead would not want to DECOMPOSE IN THE OPEN, as such would be an EMBARRASSING DISPLAY of how they died. This isn't just a SPIRITUAL BELIEF, however. To be honest, your VEGETARIAN HABITS have caused you to be genuinely DISGUSTED at the sight of DEAD BODIES, and you constantly feel the urge to DISPOSE OF THEM PROPERLY. That is, BURY THEM. If you can't SEE IT, then you can't THINK ABOUT IT.

Usually you are rather RELAXED AND QUIET, at least when you are by yourself or with your lusus, as she doesn't like loud noises. But when you are around others, you can literally EXPLODE WITH EXCITEMENT. Your ENTHUSIASM to speak about your VEGETARIANISM and BURYING DEAD BODIES and FACEPAINT and OTHER THINGS NO ONE BUT YOU CARES ABOUT is another reason why you do not have many FRIENDS. Really you are just a LONELY TROLL who only wants someone as interested in the same things as you. Which is, apparently, NO ONE. You are simply VOID of anyone that you could really call a "FRIEND".

You usually try keeping your hair SHORT so it doesn't get in the way while traveling. However, usually there is very little for you to actually use to cut it other than VERY SHARP ROCKS you find, so it ends up looking really CHOPPY and UNFLATTERING. Your extremely BAGGY CLOTHING also hides the rather obvious aspects of your GENDER--that is, FEMALE. You really have no ATTRACTIVE features whatsoever. Oh well, when you are a TRAVELER who LIVES ROUGHLY there is no need to be a SYLPH as well.

As said earlier, you are NON-VIOLENT and try to avoid CONFLICT as much as possible. However, you are not STUPID and know that such sentiments are not shared by everyone of your species. So, you also use your handy SPADE, which you usually keep around anyways to help "TAKE CARE" of the dead, as a WEAPON as well. But you only use it if absolutely necessary--when you are being ATTACKED and are in horrible DANGER of BEING KILLED.

Your trollTag is bloomingNomad and you speak in A manNER THAT is siMIlar to THE sounds OF YOUR luSUS which are UsualLY QUIet BUT someTIMES YOU can GET SUper DUper EXcitED AND end UP YELLing realLY LOUD!!!

Basic Info

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Name: Sephon Tarrax
Age: 6 Solar Sweeps
Gender: Female
trollTag: bloomingNomad
Blood Color: #204635
Quirk: Capitalizes random syllables to show varying volume of voice
Lusus: Four-eyed apatosaurus
Land: Land of Grass and Death
Title: Sylph of Void
Fetch Modus: Pressed Flowers-This modus creates a specific "flower" out of captchalogued objects, and you keep them preserved in a journal. In order to retrieve them, you must name the flower that the object was made into without actually looking at it.
Strife Specibus: Spadekind
Planet: Prospit

It would be really awesome if I could get some critique on Sephon! I've tweaked her a lot since I first made her, and I finally have something I'm pretty proud of. So if there is anything wrong with her, please say so.

[nickelangelo]

By the by, I can't seem to find the word "halysi" in any latin dictionary I own or can find online. You're welcome to keep the name, of course, but if you want another latin word for halo, corona would work.

It's shortened from 'halysium' or something similar, google translate gave that word to me. Corona sounds nice, but I think I've already sen a fantroll with that name.

My critique:
You named your troll after a part of a nipple.

It was shortened from "aureola" to fit the 6-letter scheme, I had no idea what it actually meant, or that it meant anything. :/

1. Horns don't merge at the tips like that, I'm pretty sure. You could make them almost touching, though
2. Her blood seems a bit bright. I haven't actually checked it out, but it makes her text a bit hard to read, and in her uniform it's pretty hard to see on her...skin, I think?
3. Why are her psychic powers unstable without the staff her friend made?
4. I don't generally approve of trolls that can't get themselves a red/black quadrant, mostly because drones wouldn't care if she was of this and this importance, she's gotta fill buckets to avoid getting culled by them. Even just having one or the other filled would be good enough
5. Why is she so fond of troll society?
6. Explain how making a bubble of psionic power can be used offensively. Does she ram people with it while she's levitating?
7. How did she live long enough to not be straight out culled by the highbloods? I mean, they could probably get auspistices of a higher blood color, so why did they decide to use her instead of a blue blood (who are supposedly on the super loyal side) or even teal/green bloods? How did they find her in the first place, or vice versa?

1. I've seen trolls with much weirder horn designs, mine is pretty harmless, and I wanted to go with the halo-motif.
2. I don't really know within what boundaries should the brightness be, but it's not harder to read than roxy or jane's would be on withe background (since logs usually have gray background) And ugh, that central part of the uniform is not her skin, though it really looks like that X( It's just some different clothing.
3. I haven't actually thought that through yet. Maybe she just can't control them? Or she hasn't found a way to manifest them without technological aid.
4. She will probably get into a quadrant, that's one of the reasons I brought her to trollslum. Instead of simply stating she has all of her quadrants filled, it would be more fun to fill them by RPing.
5. She is a hemoloyalis (at least towards the higher castes), which is pretty hard to come by unless you're either afraid or completely agree with how society works. Since she has no motive to be afraid for her life more than she already should be (cause of the highbloods around her), she rather respects how society works, and when it actually works for the benefit of trolls she grows to admire it. Maybe I should write her more of a background.
6. That's exactly what I thought of. I wanted to write it down, but it seemed somehow... obvious :/ Ramming people while inside a bubble of energy, isn't it nice XD
7. That's because of a certain concept of the Church of Honk, the highbloods take lower bloods in order to hopefully find a good moirail through observing their auspisticizing activities (for example the Gamzee-Karkat moirallegiance, they couldn't be farther away on the hemospectrum without Gamzee becoming a seadweller, or equius and nepeta, though they are much closer) She simply hasn't been culled because of her good work, I guess.
And I have no idea how they would have found her. i really should write that background for her.
Thanks for tthe critique, you made some really good points >)

[creatorGirl]

I also have a question about the kinds of lusii trolls can have. Can only indigobloods or high have water dwelling lusii? Because one of my fantrolls is a greenblood and his lusus is based off a sunfish.

[Mooeena]

@Mooeena
1. "OstrichMom" - In canon, I don't think trolls actually call their Lususes/Lusi like this. *shrug* I might be wrong
2. Her quirk is kinda....bland?
3. In the introductory-style profile itself, I wouldn't recommend putting information about her Ancestor (unless she actually knows her/they are relevant) or S___B. On the other hand, if you just put it there as trivia for us to see, then I guess that's fine.
4. You mentioned that she and some other people have somewhat of a "cult" about winter. Perhaps you could provide more information about that? Is she actively a part of it, and if so, what does she do in it?

Well, I've seen others use names like that for their lusi before, so I kinda figured it was okay.
Do you have any suggestions on how I could make it more interesting? I couldn't really think of a symbol to throw in that would fit.
Yeah, that stuff was just included to exposit.
Um, good point; I hadn't really thought about that. They mostly just get together to trade snow globes and knit sweaters for the snowpocalipse or something. They're a bunch of crazies.

[ticktockCurator]

@Quincunx
Lightening his blood would probably be good, though I don't think you have to change it from blue to something higher. That's up to you

@nickelangelo
Blood color wise, though, it seems bright, since Jane and Roxy's texts aren't their blood color. You should probably get another opinion on that, though

@Mooeena
Uhhh, I'm not too sure
Maybe yo->u co->uld have her talk with her "O's" as her symbo->l instead o->f having it at the beginning, tho->ugh it might no->t be any better

Or you could relate her quirk to her Target Modus? ((o))
Or to her strife specibi, with spears ------> and stuff
OR, you could make it related to winter/her general interests as well. (*) <-- that's supposed to be a snowglobe, but you could probably make something better than my fail attempt XD

[Strider]

>Be the musical idiot


............................
Yea♯...n•, t♯at's n•t g•ing t• w•rk.

>Be the aspiring musical chef?

............................
Yea♯...t♯at can w•rk.

Your name is ZORRON GARSHA. You are APATHETIC most of the time and an ASSHOLE the rest of the time. You are a Psionic, but due to some mutant troll raging all up and down your thinkpan to steal your LASER POWERS, you no longer have those, and you also have lost a large amount of your TELEKINESIS. Or rather, it has suffered a very major shift. You can only exert FIFTY POUNDS OF TELEKINETIC FORCE at once, no more. However, it seems as though the rest of your telekinetic powers have become only accessible by PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT. However, you CAN'T CONTROL the remainder of your TELEKINETIC MIGHT, so you generally don't try to access it. You also have BARDIC MASTERY in that you are able to play ANY INSTRUMENT to a decent extent, but no more. Anything else you have to practice on, such as the Piano, of which you are a master player.

As far as interests go, you cook...a lot. You also hunt your own food. The result of this is that you have become an EXCELLENT CHEF, and can cook anything from the simplest dish to some of the more complicated dishes in the CULINARY ARTS. Of course your food NEVER LASTS FOR VERY LONG because your Lusus ends up EATING MOST OF IT. Fortunately your hive is in the trunk of A RATHER LARGE TREE somewhere in a forest, which means that there are PLENTY OF ANIMALS FOR YOU TO HUNT. You actually made a fairly steady living on it until you built up enough Ceagers to start your business of running a MUSIC STORE. You are currently working on building up a large enough clientele to RUN YOUR OWN CAFE in the currently unused parts of the building that your music store is in.

As previously implied you are AN ASPIRING MUSICIAN as well as AN ASPIRING CHEF. One of your goals in life is to make the two one and the same and make a killing off of it, or at the least what would pass for a killing of one of your Caste. In fact, it was your musical talent with the Piano that helped you to meet your Matesprit Vellyx. It seems that both of you have a PASSION FOR MUSIC, and for a time you were truly happy. Then one night you got a time delayed message from her telling of her death. After coming out of the deepest depression you swore a vendetta against the one that killed her, and that you would one day find the troll responsible and cull them. Personally.

As a result of these past events, you took upon yourself the 2x Tonfakind Strife Specibus, one of many cards that you SALVAGED along with MANY OTHER THINGS that you resold, including instruments that are NOW IN YOUR STORE. Your view on the Hemospectrum was once one of OPEN OPPOSITION in the way that you spoke to and regarded higher bloods if nothing else, which would be basically everyone since you are of the lowest class, a dark redblood. Now it is one of RELUCTANT ACCEPTANCE, mainly to keep yourself from getting culled.

Your Lusus, which eats almost everything you hunt before you even get to cook it, is a GIANT KING COBRA SNAKE name Nagini, and she is very fast. She is also pathetically affectionate, which means that you either have to ORDER HER TO ATTACK or be IN MORTAL DANGER for her to do anything violent.

Your trolltag is ebonApoc, and you speak in a mel•♪ic t•ne wit♯ s•me empty spaces.

Editing for quirk and color. What do you guys think of the application thus far?