fantroll crit thread: thread now full, please post in the new one

[Thunder Reign]

I had a bit of fun with this one, what do you guys think.

Your name is IRRUMA IRATUS and GOD DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD. You are 12 sweeps old and you are out in the universe FUCKING SHIT UP. When you aren’t busy fucking shit up you LIFT WEIGHTS and work on your BOW and SPEAR skills. If you aren’t lifting weights or bettering your skills you are out HUNTING THE LADIES, oh yes the sweet sweet ladies, you like them A LOT.

Unfortunately you come on kinda STRONG and the ladies can’t handle it thus resulting in those CRACKS in your HORNS but it’s ok, they’ll COME AROUND eventually and SURRENDER to you CHARMS. You use your lusus as a wingman, winglusus? Any way you use him to help you get the ladies. He might be a big MINOTAUR but he’s a GENTEL GIANT and the ladies love him.

Since your a BLUE BLOOD you tend to get COCKY about it, after all you’re BETTER than all the colors below you. But you don’t care what color blood ladies have, they’re all the same on the outside, oh yes. Being a blue blood does have a bit of a DRAWBACK. You seem to be a little TESTIER than others, so you PUMP IRON hell yeah. Your lusus loves to PUMP IRON with you, it’s great bonding time for you two.

Your trolltag is eroticMarksman and you }--skew-sentances-with-erotic-arrows-and--speak--in--a--soft--manner--UNTILL--PROVOKED--8>

Trolls are bisexual, dude. He'd be pursuing the gentlemen too, not just the ladies.

[Monkeysky]

Trolls are bisexual, dude. He'd be pursuing the gentlemen too, not just the ladies.

They can have preference, Hussie confirmed that monosexuality isn't too uncommon in troll culture, didn't he?

[probableWizardry]

That and it can come down to individual preference.

Trolls are weird.

[BewareOfNerd]

Monosexuality is okay, but it's a little weird in troll society.

[Zwitter]

I'm a newb to homestuck I didn't know fail on my part. I'll fix it.

[probableWizardry]

To be fair, he himself could prefer female trolls, but still go after both.

[asclepiosUmbrage]

Still an obvious WIP but I was curious on how my progress thus far was going. ^_^

[probableWizardry]

Still an obvious WIP but I was curious on how my progress thus far was going. ^_^

Lookin' good so far. Uh, I'm not sure if the neck is too thin, it'll be easier to talk about when all of the things are added, but thus far, kickass.

[asclepiosUmbrage]

Lookin' good so far. Uh, I'm not sure if the neck is too thin, it'll be easier to talk about when all of the things are added, but thus far, kickass.

I might just be cause of the scarf's size that his neck seems thin but that's how wide it was on the base, but either way I may alter it a bit. Right now all I can think is how much like Jack Nickolson he looks right now without hair and horns. xD

[Tataudu]

I'd give the arm on our left (his right) a little more substance, unless he is supposed to be on the skinny-but-flabby side. It otherwise looks quite good. The neck is fine with the rest of the body, the scarf just makes it look small.

[Doodleniks]

I like your troll, Zwitter. :3

Um, on mine, would it be all right if she still retained most aspects of her design, but lost the pacifism aspect? She could still run around and meditate and write stupid stories and have weird personal beliefs (for a troll), but she wouldn't care about the violence of her race.

[Captain Whosit]

It all depends on how well you write it, Doodleniks.

[Zwitter]

@probableWizardry
I'll probably do that then.

[goldenChevalier]

I'm working on a fankid. I don't have a sprite of it yet, but I have the profile at ready and I'd like some feedback if none of you guys mind.

Your name is KATE FALCON. You were born on a New Year’s Day thirteen years ago. You live with your UNCLE in a townhouse in the sunny city of SAN DIEGO. You have plenty of interests. You have a passion for stories of VALIANT HEROISM and EPIC FANTASY with your favorite characters being of the FORTUITOUS, VALIANT, AND CHIVALRIC NATURE and your shelves are stacked full of said stories. You are a closet fan of POWER RANGER SHOWS. No, not the stupid cheesy cliché-ridden American rendition; rather the ORIGINAL JAPANESE version with ENGLISH SUBTITLES, which you watch with near religious fervor on the internet. However, the fantastical exploits of said characters have inspired you to take on a sense of JUSTICE AND RIGHTEOUSNESS that borders on a HERO COMPLEX that sometimes annoy your friends (real life or otherwise). Your UNCLE thinks you’ll make a fine SOLDIER or POLICEWOMAN someday if you maintain that kind of attitude—something which you’ll probably consider sometime in the future.

You really like ORNITHOLOGY and thus have your walls filled with pictures and posters of many different birds (your name practically screams it). And like many other young impressionable people your age, you have an interest for ANCIENT MYTHOLOGIES and anything PARANORMAL and SUPERNATURAL. Though unlike someone you know who leans more on the zoologically dubious and rather dark sort, your otherworldly preferences fall more on the EXALTED and DIVINE. You also like to DRAW from time to time even though you’re not very good at it. And when you’re not at home talking to your friends via PESTERCHUM, playing VIDEO GAMES, or making up random chipper tunes on your XYLOPHONE, you’re at your Uncle’s place of employment, the local ZOO, just chilling out at the AVIAN SECTION.

Your chumhandle is goldenChevalier and for some weird reason, thou often hast the tendency to speak and type in an archaic manner and you couldn’t care less if anyone finds it weird—something which puts you on good terms with an internet friend who has a thing for IRONY. Your favorite shirt was a white one with a YELLOW FLEUR-DE-LIS decal smack-dab in the center. Your computer and emergency back-up laptop’s web browser is SRAOSHA. For your sylladex, you have your Uncle’s old VOICE COMMAND type modus from when he served in the MILITARY. It’s easy enough to use…if you can remember all the voice commands you assign for each card you put an item in; the more cards you use, the more you have to assign and remember, which can be quite frustrating when you forget. Your allocated STRIFE ABSTRATA is GLAIVEKIND though you haven’t got a reason to use it since it doesn’t exist as of yet.

SUMMARY:
NAME: KATHERINE “KATE” FALCON
AGE: THIRTEEN
BIRTHDAY: JANUARY 01, 1996
RESIDENCE: SAN DIEGO, CA
GUARDIAN: UNCLE
SHIRT SYMBOL: YELLOW FLEUR-DE-LIS
PESTERCHUM HANDLE: goldenChevalier
COLOR: #FFE303/ 255, 227, 3
TYPING STYLE: Proper grammar, syntax, and punctuation. Likes to use archaic/Shakespearean English. Doesn’t use contractions. Switches to modern language with strong emotions.
WEB BROWSER: SRAOSHA (Judeo-Christian angel of obedience)
TITLE: KNIGHT OF HOPE
DREAMWORLD: PROSPIT
LAND: LOSAF (LAND OF SWORDS AND FORTITUDE [modeled after WORLD 5 in ATERLIER IRIS 3: GRAND FANTASIA])
CONSORTS: WHITE ARMADILLOS
FETCH MODUS: VOICE COMMAND
STRIFE SPECIBUS: BROOMKIND (starter), HANDLEKIND, GLAIVEKIND (final)

[Zwitter]

Sprite take 2

And I added guys to his story.

Your name is IRRUMA IRATUS and GOD DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD. You are 12 sweeps old and you are out in the universe FUCKING SHIT UP. When you aren’t busy fucking shit up you LIFT WEIGHTS and work on your BOW and SPEAR skills. If you aren’t lifting weights or bettering your skills you are out HUNTING THE LADIES, oh yes the sweet sweet ladies, you like them A LOT, you don’t mind the GUYS at all but the ladies are MORE FUN to you.

Unfortunately you come on kinda STRONG and the ladies can’t handle it thus resulting in those CRACKS in your HORNS but it’s ok, they’ll COME AROUND eventually and SURRENDER to you CHARMS, but the guys put up NO FIGHT, they’re just too easy. You use your lusus as a wingman, winglusus? Any way you use him to help you get the ladies. He might be a big MINOTAUR but he’s a GENTEL GIANT and the ladies love him.

Since your a BLUE BLOOD you tend to get COCKY about it, after all you’re BETTER than all the colors below you. But you don’t care what color blood ladies have, they’re all the same on the outside, oh yes, but the guys have to be HIGH UP on the hemospectrum, you have some standards. Being a blue blood does have a bit of a DRAWBACK. You seem to be a little TESTIER than others, so you PUMP IRON hell yeah. Your lusus loves to PUMP IRON with you, it’s great bonding time for you two.

[Sandvich King]

@golden: I don't see any major problems with Kate's profile, but that shade of yellow is awfully bright. I'd recommend turning it down a bit. Also, before you make her sprite, I'll just let you know that I've seen a few fankids here and there that have a fleur de lis as a symbol. It's often attributed to hipsters.

Quick forum tip too: You might want to turn off smilies if you're going to use a lot of caps. It'll interpret any "D" followed by a ":" as a "" even if it's in something like "Land:" or "Dreamworld." You can fix that in your above post by going to Edit ==> Advanced ==> Disable Smilies ==> Submit

[Quincunx]

@Zwitter: His sprite looks good but I still don't care for his horns. They're too obviously Tavros's with arrow shapes, which don't look rounded enough. I think thicker, blunter horns would suit him better.

So what are his habits like after a successful flirting? Does he take a lot of them home? Do they go on romantic dates? What does he like to do with them?

Does he look to the future at all when it comes to the fleet?

[volcanicRage]

Give the horns muscles

[Zwitter]

I'll mess around with the horns some more.
He takes them home, or any secluded area. He's hoping to find a matesprit but along the way having fun.
To the second question, I haven't put a lot of thought into it, but he's out on other planets trying to conquer them, or as he would put it fucking shit up.

[Evil Argonian]

Ok, no sprite yet because I have no idea how to do one, but I'm gonna post a profile. This is still a WIP though.

Your name is ERIZON PELORI. You are a BLUE-BLOOD (of slightly lower/lighter than Equius's, will find out code-thingy later).You have a variety of interests such as VIDEO GAMES, FLARPING, BLACK-SMITHING, ROBOTICS (although you're no good at building them), and, strangely, SEA-DWELLERS. By that you mean that you respect and envy the traits of a sea-dweller, and tend to make more sea-dweller friends than many other land-dwellers. The reason for this relates to another one of your interests, VIDEO GAMES. You played a game called "The Elder Trolls IV: Grublivion", which featured a race known as Argonian, which was very similar to sea-dwellers. You have since found a new appreciation for them.
Around your MAZE OF A HIVE, your lusus, MILLI-DAD, a millipede, crawls. He is a good lusus, but because of his vast size, it's hard to actually see him around your hive, exluding when you're waiting for him to move past an intersection in the corridors so you can pass. In your RESPITEBLOCK, you can find manifestations of your interests. This means that you can find anvils, hammers, various metal ingots, and home-made weaponry (often based off video game weapons) scattered around along with Flarp manuals, game-grubs, some of your friend's robots that you experiment with,and some posters as well.
You are of slightly above average STRONGNESS, but not much, and you are 6 SWEEPS OLD. You have pair of ROBOTIC GILLS attached to your lower head, but they, like many others, will likely stop working after fifteen to thirty minutes of being under water. You have yet to fill any quadrants, but you're okay with that. Your thoughts on the hemospectrum are that it is usually fitting, but you are not unfair or cruel to lowbloods. You do have a PSYCHIC ABILITY, but it's mostly useless. All it does is allow you to make a low-blood suddenly hug the nearest troll. It's mentally stressful, but possibe, to use it more than once on the same low-blood. It has only proven useful once, when a yellow-blood and a teal-blood had very obvious flushed feelings for each other, but were both very shy. You "nudged" their relationship along by getting the yellow-blood to hug the other, which ended up being a very successful flushed relationship. Otherwise, it's primarily used for laughs.

You're trollian handle is evilArgonian ~{and you tend to sspeak in a zlippery and sslightly reptilian sstyle, az well as sshow off your Argonian-like finss and hornz. }:^) }~

[Quincunx]

Just go ahead and say he's a blueblood. No need to refer to Equius.

Robotic gills? Why doesn't he just wear a rebreather of some kind. Those actually exist and can work for hours.

I... think the TES reference here is a little heavy-handed, especially referencing Argonians with no name change. Honestly you'd be better off trying to make him a blueblood who wanted to be a seadweller, since that could work out in an interesting way, and focusing on that.

Bluebloods are too high on the spectrum to receive psychic powers. What does having this hug power contribute to his character? Why is it only hugs? I'm gonna suggest you do without it.

[Evil Argonian]

Just go ahead and say he's a blueblood. No need to refer to Equius.

Robotic gills? Why doesn't he just wear a rebreather of some kind. Those actually exist and can work for hours.

I... think the TES reference here is a little heavy-handed, especially referencing Argonians with no name change. Honestly you'd be better off trying to make him a blueblood who wanted to be a seadweller, since that could work out in an interesting way, and focusing on that.

Bluebloods are too high on the spectrum to receive psychic powers. What does having this hug power contribute to his character? Why is it only hugs? I'm gonna suggest you do without it.

The Argonian thing was actually decided well before I wanted a fantroll, and I wanted to keep the pesterchum/trollian handle. Plus I'm too big a TES fan to not reference it. The psychic hugging thing was for laughs, but I'll consider changing it or getting rid of it.

[virtuallyGazing]

Alternia Argonians = Trollgonians.

Best name ever.

[Captain Whosit]

Traits your including solely for laughs should not be included in a character you want people to take seriously

Traits included solely for laughs are also probably bad in a joke character because they're unlikely to make a worthwhile contribution to the main joke.

Also, please, please, please do better than "The Elder Trolls IV: Grublivion." You shouldn't shove "troll" or "grub" in there like that. I know people have done "Troll Calibur" but that's also pretty awful. ("Trollgonians" is pretty shitty, too. Does "Humangians" sound like a good name to you?) Hussie didn't do the "Troll Prince of Bel-Air," he did the "Thresh Prince of Bel-Air." Lastly, I'm not really a fan of characters that are basically just rips from video games because that shows about zero creativity, but it's your character, so whatever. (I have not played any of the Elder Scroll games so that comment is based on Quincunx's assessment."

[Evil Argonian]

Traits your including solely for laughs should not be included in a character you want people to take seriously

Traits included solely for laughs are also probably bad in a joke character because they're unlikely to make a worthwhile contribution to the main joke.

Also, please, please, please do better than "The Elder Trolls IV: Grublivion." You shouldn't shove "troll" or "grub" in there like that. I know people have done "Troll Calibur" but that's also pretty awful. ("Trollgonians" is pretty shitty, too. Does "Humangians" sound like a good name to you?) Hussie didn't do the "Troll Prince of Bel-Air," he did the "Thresh Prince of Bel-Air." Lastly, I'm not really a fan of characters that are basically just rips from video games because that shows about zero creativity, but it's your character, so whatever. (I have not played any of the Elder Scroll games so that comment is based on Quincunx's assessment."

I admit the names were bad, but it seemed wrong to just put the real names. But he's not ripped from Oblivion/Skyrim (which wouldn't be a problem even if he was because you create your own character), he's based off of me and my obsession for all things Elder Scrolls. But yeah, I'll change the names. Any suggestions as to what? Or should I just leave them the same as on Earth?

(Also Trollgonian was not used nor will be, that was VG's idea)