Class Warfare

[LaserShark]

Ugh... never again. You told everyone the rocket fuel wasn't booze, but would they listen?



...and now the loudspeaker's blaring... ugh. Turn. It. Off.

Wha... it's saying something about... deployment?



"ALERT! PREPARE FOR IMMEDIATE DEPLOYMENT! PREPARE FOR IMMEDIATE DEPLOYMENT!"

...yeah, whatever. You're not going anywhere like this. You've got time enough to take stock, get dressed and let this hangover fade a bit. Ugh, you feel really foul. Did they mix the fuel with pepper spray? Again?

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First adventure! And my first real attempt to do anything even vaguely resembling graphics, so responses aren't likely to be... fast. At all. I'm gonna be kinda scrabbling in a desperate attempt to make anything that doesn't look like ass.

[LaserShark]

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>Author: Stumble at the gate by failing to provide for any real audience participation!

...yeah, I'm kinda dumb.

First things first. You rifle through the first aid cabinet and down a bottle of PillsHere brand pills. It helps, to an extent. The supplies in the cabinet can heal any wound in an instant, but aren't so good for hangovers.

Wait a minute... what's this?



Oh, right. Some bureaucratic gibberish. Anyone who uses the cabinet has to sign off with their primary battle function; they're doing a study on who needs healing most or some nonsense. You doubt what you're doing now really qualifies, but better safe than sorry. At least someone left you a nice clean sheet to work with.

Grabbing the attached pen, you prepare to make your mark. The three categories are AGRESS (offensive, high-damage classes), AEGIS (defense or area denial), and BOLSTER (team support). Without hesitation, you reach up and mark...

[Roselalonde]

> Wonder why you are a triangle.

[wlzrobert]

Aegis

[SkyKat]

Agress.

[Airedar]

> Don't Remember.

[LaserShark]

Aegis
Aggress.
> Don't Remember.

...of course you mark AEGIS. Or... wait. Crap. AGGRESS? You always get those two mixed up, and this hangover isn't helping. Well... you do sort of defensive stuff and sort of offensive stuff at the same time, so... really, you're... uh... UM...



...CLOSE ENOUGH. Probably nobody reads those anyway.

> Wonder why you are a triangle.



That's an interesting question. You've never really given it a lot of thought. Nobody can really help how they're made, but is it just genetics, or does religion play into the whole thing? Why weren't you born a square, or an ellipse? Just fate, probably. Questions like that are outside your field; that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of... stuff.

The important thing is, you're not just a triangle. You're a downwards-pointing triangle. That's vital.

Actually, that's the second-most important thing. The most important thing is...



Guns! You like guns. Everyone likes guns. And, frankly, you're feeling a bit naked without some. You'll just grab some gear from the base 'armory'...



...oh, what the bitch. Someone dumped a load of badly-drawn weapons and other gear in here. It'll take hours to find all of your stuff. This is just the first layer, too; there's plenty of things in here that you can't identify with a quick look. Some of these aren't even weapons... are they? You can never really be too sure.

Well, crap. You don't want to waste too much time here, but you really do need to grab something... you're sure you can find your signature weapon in here without too much trouble. You hate being without it; it's the kind of thing, like, if it were a toaster and people said 'we need a guy who really knows how to use a toaster', they'd immediately think of you. But it's not a toaster; nobody uses a toaster. Your signature weapon is...

[wlzrobert]

Use the wrench, combine the goatbat, the rocket launcher, and the shield to create: THE BLEATING CHARGE'N TARGE. Then explore armor possibilities.

[LaserShark]

Use the wrench, combine the goatbat, the rocket launcher, and the shield to create: THE BLEATING CHARGE'N TARGE. Then explore armor possibilities.

You combine the BALSA BLADETURNER with the LOOT PIÑATA and receive DISCARDED RUSTING SLAG.

You... don't think this was how you wanted this to work. You're not even sure how you got metal from those two things. Well, there's probably duplicates in the crate, so no harm done.

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Just a note: the things in the picture aren't an exhaustive list of what's in the crate. Anything reasonable can be picked, mistreated and ultimately discarded.