EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (SEX SEX SEX)

**Trish** · 04-23-2012, 06:49 PM

> Sollux: Continue to be ridiculously optimistic and confident also mess with weird green ninja stars.

HA HA HA CONFIDENCE

HA HA HA OW

> Sollux: See if anyone else is awake.

That's a right fair plan. First off, let's check on...

> Sollux: Find Nepeta.

You approach DREAM NEPETA. What an angel, running across the country like that for you. Turns out she's not just good at fighting in the video games. You need to seriously thank her.

**Destruction Dragon 360** · 04-23-2012, 06:56 PM

Sollux: Thank her with your mouth. AWAKEN HER WITH A KISS!!!

**Mibbs** · 04-23-2012, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by Destruction Dragon 360

Sollux: Thank her with your mouth. AWAKEN HER WITH A KISS!!!

no dont do that

**OrangeAipom** · 04-23-2012, 07:56 PM

> Wonder how you can get colored hair like hers.

> Examine your weird alien penis.

**siguard** · 04-23-2012, 08:11 PM

>write a thank you note and plant it on her face

**Trish** · 04-24-2012, 05:38 PM

> Sollux: Wonder how you can get colored hair like hers.

Wow, what a bombshell! For trolls that isn't even genetically possible. Whatever happened to dye it blond, you sure hope it wasn't somehow the blood of a dying forest-beast. Or maybe Troll Tokens really DO exist?!

> Sollux: Write a thank you note and plant it on her face.

Now that is just rude! You can imagine Nepeta getting VERY ANGRY about that in the forseeable future. However, you do not know why you can imagine her screaming your name dramatically, 'STRIIIDEEER'-style.

> Sollux: Thank her with your mouth. AWAKEN HER WITH A KISS!!!

No you can't do that. It would just be too weird. You mean, she did save you from dying and all, and you did play video games together all the time in the real world, but man...THAT would just be TOO MUCH.

...

It would be really awesome if, like, you reached over her and then she thought it was a kiss? Like that would be totally hilarious.

========>

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

> Dream Nepeta: Wake.

You open your eyes on Derse just as you close your eyes on Alternia. And your whole adventure so far has just become worthwhile.

========>

> Nepeta: Engage us with your emotional theatrics.

You...

========>

Really...

========>

DON'T LIKE...

========>

EQUIUUUUUUUUUUUUS!!

========>

========>

Aw man. This was gonna be awesome. Just two kids on the loose, dodging the law at every turn. She won't be waking up anytime soon.

> Sollux: Loot her body.

Sweet! Dream cellphone! You'll use this item later.

> Sollux: Next, visit Equius.

Well sure, why not? Maybe HE'LL go on an adventure with you!

========>

Aw, look at him there. Sleeping like a baby.

> Sollux: Wake him up.

You're trying but it isn't working!

========>

> Sollux: Shake him a little.

OH SHITPICKLES.

> Sollux: After'm, boy!

( if the above image isn't appearing, try viewing it here. )

**Catstorm** · 04-24-2012, 07:00 PM

(I would like to notify you that the two bottom images appear to be broken

EDIT: other people can see them?)

>Sollux: When possible, try to contact Aradia.

**Destruction Dragon 360** · 04-24-2012, 10:08 PM

Why do the buildings in the last panel have DESU written on them and why do I suddenly feel like Aradiabotsprite is somehow responsible for this Equinfestation

**Weather Report** · 04-25-2012, 09:14 AM

The last two pictures are really weird, since they seem to work someplaces and not work in others. We're working them out and stuff right now, and it should be working by about 6:00 or so.

But to those of you who came to the topic before Catstorm and didn't see them (since they always show up on the computer that posted them, and we couldn't test them...), and there were about 100 of you...

PLEASE TELL US WHEN OUR PICTURES BREAK SO WE CAAN FIX IT FOR YOU GUYS.

And on that note I'm sure some of our older pictures are like Tinypic timebombs, so if they go down please PM us to the exact post. I fixed two of those in the first Equius Flesh, but you never know... unless you do... so if you don't see something say something. K thanx bye.

**Trish** · 04-25-2012, 05:48 PM

> Sollux: When possible, try to contact Aradia.

> Sollux: AAAAH, EQUIUuUuUuUS!

You're too stunned by this revelation that you can't do anything but look downward, slack-jawed.

Meanwhile, on the streets of Derse...

You are the HEGEMONIC BRUTE, doing some POLICE WORK on the MELON SALESMAN. You keep telling him that it's against the damn regulations to sell SALTED MELONS this close to one of the ROYAL'S TOWERS, but NOOOO, he doesn't wanna listen. He says he wants to see the hero of voiiid. So you say listen buster, if you don't get your kiester outta here in ten seconds, you'll be smashin' more than just melons. You'll smash his cart's wheels, too.

> HB: Avoid falling child.

Alack, it is too late. You are dead. The PRINCE breaks almost every bone in his body. The melon-seller escapes in the confusion. Your only regret is not yelling at him more.

Your life...was worthless.

> Sollux: Deal with it.

You're too scared to deal with the dreamdeath of your friend. It was simply too stupid an accident not to happen.

> Sollux: Call up Aradia.

MAGE.

Aw damn an exile intruding upon your thoughts. What does this guy want.

FORGET THE UGLY BOY.

That's unfair, don't you think? You mean, you are a healthy heterosexual young man, but Equius could be quite the looker if he took more care of that hair.

WHO CARES JUST TALK TO YOUR JADE FRIEND MAGE.

You mean Kanaya?

NO THE JADE FRIEND!

OH JADE WHY DIIDN'T YOU 2AY THAT DUMBA22?

I'M NO DUMBASS I'M FLOTHERS. BUT JADE WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO NEXT I'M SURE OF IT.

Oh great, so Andrew's got the BARD QUEST characters in on this story.

I'M FLOTHERS.

> Sollux: Chat with Jade.

Yeah, this could easily be some trap set up by Andrew, but you can't think of a way that Jade girl could really trip you up, so meeeh who cares.

========>

(note: jade just drew this)

[S] > Sollux: Look around and then do something awesome.

What? We don't think this is amazing? Well, you just accomplished the most important thing of all: you made a new friend.

Oh, and Dream Equius is dead. So you technically lost an old friend too!

Make new friends, but lose the old. One is silver and the other gold. That is the motto of DEATHSTUCK.

**wolftamer9** · 04-25-2012, 06:12 PM

Oh god I just realized why they have all those posters and costumes *shudders*

> Take the corpse with you. It can be used to your advantage, for reasons.

**OrangeAipom** · 04-25-2012, 07:21 PM

The Aradiabot prototyping means that the Queen orders people to wear Equius clothes instead of Aradiabot clothes?

That is fucking fantastic.

> Ask where you can get a headband with horns.

**Kaynato** · 04-25-2012, 08:25 PM

Your second last image in the first update on this page almost made me choke while drinking my tea

> SURE GO STEAL IT also get hornband. Triple is better than Duple.

**Weather Report** · 04-26-2012, 05:49 PM

> Sollux: Take the corpse with you.

Oh, that might be a good plan - wha - uh - oh shit, now it looks like that jerk ERIDAN just died instead. Or...maybe Equius was never really there. Yeah...Eridan just woke up, reached out his window, vomited blood twenty stories down on this poor soul, and it flew so fast that the brute died.

Really, you just don't want to believe that your dream classmate just died.

Meanwhile, in the real world...

You are now John Egbert, but for some reason you DON'T GET YOUR BIO YET. And you're a BIT UPSET, but NOT ABOUT THAT.

> John: Talk to your father.

You approach Mr. Egbert, your LEGAL GUARDIAN and FATHER.

> Vriska: Walk by the EMBARRASSING FATHER.

========>

> John: Check out the sister Jade.

========>

You are now Sollux Hussie again.

> CD: Still be there.

Oh, that little guy hasn't gone anywhere just yet. He's totally your partner in crime. For the betterment of mankind. Like a criminal plan to save the world! OR THE UNIVERSE, EVEN? Nothing will side-track you from your goal.

========>

However Courtyard Droll's heart is more easily swayed toward snacks.

Enter confectionarium.

You enter. You think they might sell BEAR CLAWS in here. If they do, Droll's in luck!

**Mibbs** · 04-26-2012, 06:55 PM

Mobster Kingpin: dont have bear claws

**Weather Report** · 04-27-2012, 05:43 PM

Be SMK; don't have bear claws.

You are now the SUGARY MASTER CONFECTIONEDERATE, and don't be silly. You don't have bear claws. You only have BEAR CLAWS.

> Sollux: Look out, they got horns.

Woa. So cool. Equius horns. You want some.

> SMK: Don't let him take them!

You wouldn't even think of letting this kid just place his grubby lil' mitts all over these swanky babes.

========>

The chap seems a little put off by your reception. Maybe you're being a little too rough n' tumble with the boy.

You tell'm that these horns'll be a boondollar a pair. He asks you why you're selling those things in a bakery, it's like selling Magic: The Gathering goods at a Pre-K. Shit won't sell there, he rambles on. You cut him off and tell him it's all about Equius appreciation. He asks what you mean by that.

> SMK: Explain in painful detail.

So you tell'm. Near a few hours ago the Queen of Derse issued an edict that we would all hafta love Equius like we love our wives. But I don't have a wife. But if I did I wish she were Equius. Mmm, that boy. Every building with an Equius banner on it sells Equius horns and other Equius-related goods. But every building has a banner. That wasn't an order though, we citizens decided it ourselves. We love it. We are in love with loving him. Did you see the Pooh bear in his room? That was me. I put it there. I even sell a cake shaped like his lower body. I love him the most. Mmmmm... that boy.

So anyway if you want you can take a pair on the house, you tell the chap. You like the cut of his jib. Anyone who wants to learn about Equius appreciation has to be a good fella.

He says he doesn't want any. Not if you touched it.

But we all touched them. We touched them all.

> CD: Ask if he's got licorice.

You ask the big chin guy if he's got licorice, but he says sorry, he's all out Courtyard Droll. But then he remembers he had one last batch of licorice cooling off in his oven and we could eat it. The Princey boy says that licorice isn't made in ovens though.

========>

That chin guy takes out some fresh cookies that smell nice. Sollux the prince yells, THAT'S COOKIES! THAT'S NO LICORICE! The big head guy lets us take a free sample.

> Sollux: React startlingly.

EW! THESE ARE HONEY COOKIES WITH LICORICE CHIPS ON THEM! WHO WOULD EVEN DO SUCH A THING?!

> CD: Take a cookie.

You don't actually like to eat licorice so you take some bear claws instead.

**OrangeAipom** · 04-27-2012, 05:56 PM

FEELS.

that's all.

**Destruction Dragon 360** · 04-27-2012, 08:36 PM

So by order of the Black Queen, the Dersites are pretty much required to get in touch with their inner Pedo Bear and worship Equius like an Internet Sex Icon?

Since when did Derse become the Homestuck Fandom and Equius become Dave?

**OrangeAipom** · 04-27-2012, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by Destruction Dragon 360

Since when did Derse become the Homestuck Fandom and Equius become Dave?

since equius started having a fashion sense

**Destruction Dragon 360** · 04-27-2012, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by OrangeAipom

since equius started having a fashion sense

This is the best explanation. It also adds to the Equius ==> Dave analogy! Nothin' suits him like a suit!

**Weather Report** · 04-28-2012, 04:54 PM

> SMK: Don't let him eat your bear claws!

You tear off your TOWEL and whip it at the shortster menacingly. But he just won't stop! You've got to take this matter... INTO THE LAW'S HANDS.

> SMK: Okay. Do that.

The emergency alarm has been tripped! The police will be here any minute!

> Sollux: Wait a sec.

Woah woah woah, this guy's taking things too fast. You shout at him that maybe CD has enough money to cover this. SMK asks him if, well, he's got the money. CD says no, he's just stealing, actually.

========>

You two take your leave.

Aw, well maybe now we'll be on our way, right?

> Sollux and CD: On to the castle!

CD makes a mad dash toward the HABERDASHERY.

Be inside the Haberdashery.

You are now the DOGGED DRIFTER.

**Catstorm** · 04-28-2012, 10:15 PM

>Dogged Drifter: Offer free classes in hatting

**Weather Report** · 04-29-2012, 03:19 PM

> DD: Offer free classes in hatting.

Hell no. The last guy you know who would do that right now is sleeping with the princes. By that you mean he's dead and inside the mini-fridge. It's the best you could do in just what three minutes.

> DD: Take off the Jack Noir mask.

Yeah, that ain't gonna fly. The first rule of disguises is you don't hae time to change up. That's when the people just happen to see you.

> DD: Check Equiustatus.

Eh, the kid's still breathing. Still feels like a sack full of jelly. Like his bones melted or whatever.

> DD: Fail to resist urge to gouge his eyes out.

No, that'd be a wase of a good bargaining chip, or even a pawn. As much as you hate the guts outta this kid's guts, you should at least try to patch'm up a little for later.

> DD: Explain Equiuspite.

Enough with the wordplay already. You don't have much time to waste on self-completing gags.

You can't stand the kid for a couple of reasons, all of which tie back to around to the queen is a fucking bitch.

========>

Both she and the king of the whole damn planet suddenly fell in love with the boy about half a day ago. You and your boss Noir got fed up with that pretty quick. A man can be told to do so much. But you draw the fucking line at pedophilia.

========>

Soon the Queen caught wind of your plans to eject her from power, and soon Noir had to split or die. And you, as his closest confidante, are now next up at the chopping block.

========>

But you got some dirt on her.

========>

You know she got rid of the ring, and where she sealed it.

========>

But to keep up the facade of sovergnity and might she's ordered all of Derse to love the Void Prince as much as she "does". You aren't falling as hard over this dumbass proclamation as everyone else has. Everybody else in the world has validly gone gaga for the guy.

But nobody's ever cared about you. Yep, you're just number two to good ol' Jack Noir. Just that diamond guy. It's just too much to ask for, just a tiny bit of appreciation. But maybe if you can get yourself into a position of power, you can turn this whole mess around.

If this last heist goes off without a hitch, you'll have it all.

> DD: Explain present locale.

You don't wanna cause a panic, now that you're Derse's most wanted. The guard dogs would just litter the streets, not to mention those little monster freaks. No, instead you're laying low until you've got the go-ahead from the Courtyard Droll saying he's done his part first. Until then you're impersonating a hat seller. Makes enough sense.

> Sollux and CD: Enter hat store.

What's THIS douchebag selling?

**Destruction Dragon 360** · 04-29-2012, 03:47 PM

D

How is your mask capable of emoting?

**wolftamer9** · 04-29-2012, 04:27 PM

> DD: You know whoever puts on that ring is going to become just as obsessed with Equius. If you're lucky you may be able to nullify it somehow if you can manage to get one of them troll kids to prototype that other Equius corpse, or maybe the dreamself (or waking self) of the one who hates him. Still, that would require some kind of backdoor or maybe a stray meteor, and that would take weeks to execute unless you can get the staff and start the reckoning early and send someone back on the meteor to make the corpse already be prototyped. This is too complicated, maybe you should just invest all of your time selling hats and forget about the queen.

Thread: EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (SEX SEX SEX)

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