EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!(say like kahn))

[OrangeAipom]

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006847

omg void invisibility is canon

[wolftamer9]

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006847

omg void invisibility is canon

Do those even count as void powers? And more importantly, is Hussie reading this? It's not exactly great evidence, but if it were that would be really exciting.

[OrangeAipom]

Do those even count as void powers? And more importantly, is Hussie reading this? It's not exactly great evidence, but if it were that would be really exciting.

He's probably not, but if void powers can make you undetectable in a less literal manner, real invisibility would seem logical.

It's probably a reference to Lord of the Rings, if anything. A kind of obvious one.

[Weather Report]

He's probably not, but if void powers can make you undetectable in a less literal manner, real invisibility would seem logical.

It's probably a reference to Lord of the Rings, if anything. A kind of obvious one.

Well I do suppose it would be mildly excruciatingly exciting if he was, but I was going with Void->Invisi since it's supposed to obscure the vision of others. Then again the goats do see him and get angry after a good minute. Then then again, it makes for a good sight gag, and we can count this as him getting a little bit of a hang on his natural powers??

Also, because I've been urged by friends (no, just one friend, and plus I'm a push-over) I've got a tumblr now (well had one, but I'm being PRESSURED REALLY HARD into using it (<- okay not that hard)) for Equiquest stuff.

Excuse the name, it shares half of my own. Trish and I will just start posting little things when we do an update, just so people can notice it, if they miss the renamed topic title and the thread bumping. Plus, it might be fun?? Anywho, the official Equiquest tumblr is a-go! Let's see where this goes.

[Trish]

Today we have a very short update. But watch out, 'cause we're lining up a bunch of pictures for some upcoming fleshy action. And after tomorrow's update, we have little idea of what will happen next, so even if you don't feel you have much to contribute, or if you've only read the latest update, please don't hesitate to drop us a command, y'all.

> Nepeta: Wake up.



You do so.

You ran all across the Alternian countryside, saved your dying best friend, and woke up...only to find yourself in the middle of a big purple Equius nightmare.

And now you're...you're in, uh.....um.

========>



Huh.

So this is what you get for going through all that shit.

> Nepeta: Look closer.



What the hell? Is that the twisted story version of your principal having tea time with your stupid snarky friend?

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NEPETA: wha...uh...
KANAYA: There Was A Cave-In
NEPETA: :||
KANAYA: Syour Hive Nepeta
KANAYA: Or Mayhaps I Should Say
KANAYA: House
NEPETA: JJ: ...
KANAYA: Pfft You Are Really Quite A Catch Miss Leijon
KANAYA: Come On Up To Our Little Tea Time Table
KANAYA: I Only Brought Two Chairs So I Hope You Dont Mind Standing

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NEPETA: but shouldn't I be...
KANAYA: Now Now Nep Lets Slow Down A Little
KANAYA: You Just Went Through A Huge Rebellious "Finding Yourself" Phase
KANAYA: Would Not Want To Get You Worked Up In This Delicate State
NEPETA: but the game!
KANAYA: Scratch And I Have Got It Covered
KANAYA: Everything Is Deployed
KANAYA: As For The Sprite I Decided To Insert The Least Threatening Thing I Could Think Of
KANAYA: Leaves
KANAYA: Ergo
KANAYA: Meet Leafsprite
NEPETA: thats stupid but thanks?
KANAYA: Well I Might Have Used Your Deceased Lusus
KANAYA: If I Could Find It
KANAYA: And Troll Lord Knows You Would Not Want To Go Trotting Around With Solluxs Rotting Lusus Thing
NEPETA: ihh. please don't remind me of that, I'm gonna be sick.
KANAYA: We Can Roast It Later
NEPETA: who's that short guy?
KANAYA: Thats Just My Honorary Uncle Doc Scratch
Salutations.
NEPETA: ummmmmmmmmm

NEPETA: AAAAAAAAAAH
KANAYA: Even Though There Was Just A Cave-In The Meteors Are Not Even Close To Hitting Here
KANAYA: So I Have Some Things To Keep Us Entertained
NEPETA: shouldn't we be doing something...more important?
NEPETA: anything besides just playing around?

[Flairina]

Leafsprite: Decide you'd like to cuddle with the big white ball man.

Doc Scratch (whom we cannot control but can suggest things too): Sense a disturbance in the force.

Also-

Kanaya: Whip out them troll board games. Also, ask Nepeta how and why she changed her hair to that unnaturally bright yellow.

Another also-

Nepeta: Wonder how you ended up in a canyon when you distinctly remember crashing in to a forest. Also celebrate your luck at not having broken any bones in the fall.

[Trish]

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Even though I doubt we'll receive any help for it from asking about it here, on the Equiquest tumblr thing we tried posting a .gif but (at least on the preview) it appears as the first .gif we posted on the account. Luckily this doesn't happen with still images, but it meant that we couldn't use the animated Block Rave! Any help and/or advice?

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Why of course not, Ms. Leijon.
As a healthy, growing young woman you should be constantly showered with excitement.
A healthy state of mind can lead to a bountiful harvest of wonderful proclivities.
Or in other terms, a day of happy funtimes makes a girl happy, healthy and wise.
NEPETA: this doesn't seem to be headed in a healthful or beneful direction <:BB
NEPETA: and sorta speaking of direction what happened to where we are
NEPETA: this used to be a cave
NEPETA: and um
NEPETA: didnt I land in a...
NEPETA: forest or something?
KANAYA: Look Over There
KANAYA: Trees See
NEPETA: but this is a canyon
KANAYA: Cave-In Nepeta
KANAYA: Cave-In
You fell from the sky atop that burning Bicyclops there from your friend Mr. Huss-I mean Captor's hive. The shock knocked you senseless for a few moments but I had good sense enough to extricate you from that situation before it descended into tragedy.
NEPETA: it landed me in a whole other tragedy full of equiuses though
NEPETA: i dont like him
NEPETA: and this is sorta a tragedy in a different way
KANAYA: Oh Look Out Unckie Scratch
KANAYA: Leafsprite Wants A Big Hug
Oh he does, does he?

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NEPETA: oh wait!! if he touches the leaf wont he get pulled into it
NEPETA: that would be really bad
NEPETA: like "hes right next to me every second of the day yuck" bad
Of course I would be overjoyed to stay by your side, Ms. Leijon.
You just seem to have that sort of aura about yourself.
NEPETA: you do too and its disgusting <:U
Now where's that leaf sprite of yours? It is beginning to be a bother.
KANAYA: Dont Worry About Him Nepeta

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KANAYA: Hes Special
KANAYA: He Like Cant Screw Up Anything
KANAYA: That Leaf Can Touch Him All It Wants But He Wont Let Anything Bad Happen
NEPETA: how
KANAYA: Because Magic
GET THIS BLASTED THING AWAY FROM ME I CAN'T SEE KANAYA WHERE IS IT
KANAYA: Two O Tlock Unck Scratch
KANAYA: I Mean At Ten
KANAYA: Wait What Direction Does A Tlock Go In Again
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHH
NEPETA: can i go play my game now
KANAYA: Oh I See Your New Style
KANAYA: Hair Style That Is
NEPETA: thanks i got a troll token for it

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KANAYA: You Found Troll Token Number One Nice
KANAYA: I Got Numbers Three And Five
KANAYA: I Unlocked Eighteen Troll Decals We Can All Use
KANAYA: Do You Want The Pink Flower Nep It Looks Wonderful And Comes Off With Water And Rubbing
NEPETA: uhm no thanks

> Kanaya: Put the decal on Doc Scratch.

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KANAYA: Tee Hee--
YOUNG LADY TAKE THAT FLOWER OFF OF MY FACE THIS INSTANT!
YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO IT MYSELF! I CAN'T SEE MY FACE!!
KANAYA: How Do You Know If There Even Is A Flower
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: Sorry Sir

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KANAYA: I Made You Bunches Of New Duds
NEPETA: duds
NEPETA: why duds?
KANAYA: Youre A New Nep Now
KANAYA: New Nep New Clothes
NEPETA: thank you for going through all the effurt???
KANAYA: Try Them I Insist
KANAYA: Choose From The Ken Outfit
KANAYA: The Balrog Outfit
KANAYA: The T-Hawk Outfit
KANAYA: Oh The Chun-Li Outfit
NEPETA: YOU PLAY STREET FIGHTER!?!?
KANAYA: Scratch Took Me To A Prospitian Arcade Once
KANAYA: Its Called Super Treet Fighter Though
KANAYA: Troll Streets Are Treets
KANAYA: You Dig

> Nepeta: Grab it. You deserve it.

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NEPETA; AW YEAH, YOU KNOW I'M GOIN' FOR THE T-HAWK!
NEPETA: 833< YOU ARE NOW MY FAVORITE TROLL.
NEPETA: WE NEED TO GO PLAY STREET TREET FIGHTER SOME TIME.
NEPETA: THANK YOU SO MUCH. GOD, SO THERE'S ONE BRIGHT SPOT IN THIS HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE.
KANAYA: Nepeta You Are Just The Queen Of New Outfits
KANAYA: Youve Worn Like Three Different Things Today Counting With And Without Tail
KANAYA: Your Inexplicable Interest In Fashion Pleases Me
Gamzee will obtain a new outfit in the future.
In truth, most trolls will.
KANAYA: Oh Scratch
KANAYA: You Give Away The Most Useless Future Information
NEPETA: seriously, whys your "uncle" here?
KANAYA: Dont Be Rude To Him
KANAYA: He Will Be Playing With Us Today
NEPETA: playing some treet fighter i hope!?
KANAYA: Mmmm Perhaps
KANAYA: But First I Would Like To Play

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KANAYA: Blocks
KANAYA: We Should Play With Blocks
KANAYA: I Brought Some Blocks
NEPETA: why blocks
KANAYA: You Can Stack Them
KANAYA: You Can Build With Them
KANAYA: But Personally
KANAYA: I Like To Throw Em
NEPETA: is this what all trolls do in their spare time?
KANAYA: Its What The Cool Ones Do
Or those with the intelligence and attention span of a child of three sweeps.
KANAYA: WHAT
KANAYA: What
KANAYA: SAY That To My Face
Old Uncle Scratch didn't mean a thing, baby. Only that, while you may be an excellent hostess, I can do you one better.
Respectfully, of course.
KANAYA: Hes The Master Of Hosting
KANAYA: I Guess I Will Set My Blocks Aside And See How The Master Does It
NEPETA: poor, pitiful idiot troll kanaya

[o] ========>

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We are about to play a card game.
One which may affect universes far beyond our own.
If you keep a sound mind and a level head, you might just win this game.
However, if you misuse this medium, there are dire consequ--
NEPETA: MY GOD YOU SOUND LIKE ANDREW AFTER A HOT BATH
.
KANAYA: Pfffffffffft
NEPETA: sorry, that was just a meaningless non-sequitur
NEPETA: let me warm up for the REAL insu-
KANAYA: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
NEPETA: it wasn't that funny, kanaya.
NEPETA: it wasn't funny just stop it.
KANAYA: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaaaaaaaaaaa
NEPETA: .....
.....
KANAYA: Classic
NEPETA: ...
KANAYA: Continue

Begin DEATHSTUCK: THE GAME.



Welcome to DEATHSTUCK: THE GAME. In this game, players have the ability to choose HEADS on the GAME BOARD, and through choosing them can BECOME THE OWNER OF SAID HEAD, but only TEMPORARILY. After you have been ones of these HEADS, they will become MARKED OUT and you will be UNABLE TO BE THEM (FOR THE TIME BEING).

The rectangle near the bottom is a pile of FRIEND CARDS. You may use one of your FRIEND CARDS to become PRETTY MUCH LITERALLY ANYONE IN ANY UNIVERSE, EVEN IF THEIR HEAD HAS BEEN MARKED OUT. You may be barred from using a FRIEND CARD to be a SPECIFIC CHARACTER if becoming said CHARACTER is JUST TOO SUPERFLUOUS AND STUPID AN IDEA. You have FIVE FRIEND CARDS.

By selecting the SHOP option, you can go to the SHOP, where you can buy things such as additional FRIEND CARDS. By selecting the BREAK ROOM option, you will be sent to the BREAK ROOM. Going to the BREAK ROOM costs A MILLION POINTS. It DOES NOT COST ANYTHING to go to the SHOP.

You have earned ONE MILLION AND SEVEN POINTS, but WE DON'T KNOW WHY.

The goal of the game is to determine the identities of the FRIEND OF SILVER and the FRIEND OF GOLD. Through becoming the OWNERS OF THESE FLOATING HEADS and/or EFFICIENT USAGE OF FRIEND CARDS, you must USE CONTEXT CLUES and APPROXIMATE KNOWLEDGE to FIND THE ANSWER.

[o] ========>

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KANAYA: I Think That Would Be Us
KANAYA: I Think I Would Be The Silver Friend And Nepeta Would Be The Golden Friend
Sakes alive, Kanaya, the game has not even begun to begin. Let me finish.
KANAYA: Well Whaddaya Want Me To Do
KANAYA: NOT Interrupt
NEPETA: you're a lot more than the real kanaya than I'd like you to be...
NEPETA: and yet there's no hint of sarcasm at all!
Please excuse my darling Kanaya.
NEPETA: oh, no no no, it's cool.
NEPETA: but...what the heck
NEPETA: "uncle scratch", where did you get this game board from?
Why? Should the faces therein happen to be familiar to you?

Okay. WHO do you wanna be first, guys.

We need some mad user input on this thing. It would also help and/or be exciting if you mentioned what said character might be doing at that time.

[Catstorm]

>Be Real Life Terezi who is at home doing SOMETHING

edit: i apologize i can't think of anything

[wolftamer9]

Okay, let me see if I understand this game correctly. This stuff takes place, right? It's not just an imaginary game?

> Hussie: Scheme with Professor Honeybee and Rufio.

> Eridan: Tell Treridan about the cartoons, whether he wants to hear it or not.

> Future Troll Karkat: Unwittingly set up a memo.

> John: Take advantage of this memo to contact a troll who is or will be in the game. Have them alchemize together your cellphone with a fourth wall and a door, and also make the same combination but replacing the door with your glasses. Finally, get them to send you this sweet pair of HOMESTUCK-GLASSES through your phone. You now have a way to see the parts of Homestuck that Andrew might not want you to see. Of course this plan is ridiculously convoluted and probably won't work, but hey, how bad can the consequences be?

> Jack Vantas: Accidentally phone up Spades Slick, have no idea how this happened.

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Too much? Too much. Sorry.

[Weather Report]

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Oh, a few posts back (maybe a week ago) we said we were doing a tumblr thing. Anybody think it's important enough to put it on the front page? I mean I guess we can take suggestions or questions on it, which could become nice...

> Nepeta: Deliberate.



You humbly request to take the first turn.

Really, you'd rather not be playing such an idiotsdumbgame - but hey, what if somehow Andrew is giving you unlimited sway over the lives of others? What advantage could that possibly give anyone besides yourself? And exactly how suspicious should you be?

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KANAYA: I Pick The Fat Honeybee
NEPETA: kanayaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Very well.
NEPETA: are you fucking kidding me!?
NEPETA: its my turn, i thought we all agreed!
We did.
You simply took too long, Miss Leijon.
The turn was relinquished, and Kanaya has wrested control thereof.
KANAYA: Reeead The Ruuuuules
NEPETA: that wasnt a rule at all...
NEPETA: so...
NEPETA: so fuck you i guess...
NEPETA: bet you guys cheat at treet fighter too...jerkss.
LET THE GAME BEGIN!!

> Be Professor Honeybee.



You are Professor Honeybee, and you are SAD because you just got LAID OFF from your DREAM JOB. Now you have sworn REVENGE against the PRINCIPAL behind it.

okay, this is kind of hilarious. this idiot can't be the teacher I know and love.
Shushushushushush Nepeta
We Will Miss The Matineeeeee
groooooan

What do you do!?

> PH: Scheme with Hussie and Rufio.



I'M HYPED. 8TT

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pHd [PH] created #hivemind.

andrewHussie [AH] and [color=PURE RED]danteBasco [DB][/color] have joined #hivemind.

PH: Hello. I am sure that you are all wondering why you have been invited to this particular assembly but I can assure you to do not worry,
PH: Because I am currently planning a revenge mission specifically to kill Doctor Scratch and, I firmly believe you should all join me.
AH: You want to kill Scratch?
AH: Look, I as governor support that type of mindless violence, but you're too late.
DB: Why are you killing people and what do I have to do with this?[/color]
PH: Rufio, you are my idol and your posters hang all around my house,
PH: And you don't fret because this will be a righteous kill.
DB: My name's not Rufio...that's just a role I used to play.[/color]
PH: Well, to me you will always be Rufio.
DB: I appreciate the thought but really this getting creepy.[/color]
AH: Get over it, Honeybee. We're not part of your secret evil team, and we never will be.
AH: No matter how many times you message me in the middle of the night to discuss your latest lousy cheese-and-bread scheme.
PH: There's nothing "cheese-and-bread" about it but this means I will have to kill the principal all by my lonesome!?
AH: But he's already dead, sir.
PH: Rufio stay with me.
danteBasco[/color] has logged off.
PH: Andrew Hussie.
PH: Help!?
AH: What a loser.
andrewHussie has left the chat.

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So Kanaya, who would you speculate to be the Silver Friend and the Gold Friend?
KANAYA: Who Me
KANAYA: Oh Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
KANAYA: Andrew Is The Gold Friend And Dante Is The Silver
KANAYA: Did I Win Daddy
KANAYA: I Mean Uncster
I apologize in advance. That is as far from the true andwer as one could possibly get.

SMEK!

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KANAYA: AAH
NEPETA: now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!
NEPETA: if I'm gonna get slapped like some victim of domestic abuse every time I get a wrong answer, I don't wanna play this crazy game!
If you don't play I will slap you.
NEPETA: ........
NEPETA: .....
NEPETA: okay fine, you got me
NEPETA: but what was all of that? that scene i mean. we didn't even get to suggest a command for the professor!
NEPETA: i thought this might involve more bodyswapping rather than surveillance?
NEPETA: and we were only him for like two minutes?
NEPETA: not that I'm all that terribly interested in the life and times of professor honeybee but
Yeah, so?
NEPETA: >8//
NEPETA: kanaya, we're hunting for useful information and a fat bee is nowhere near useful. better not pull a stunt like that again.
KANAYA: Okay Sure Whatever You Want Babe
NEPETA: in fact scratch, can we just...take the prof. off the board?
NEPETA: not mark him off, but...just kind reach over and...take him...directly off the board?
You must take your turn, Nepeta Leijon.

> Be Human Eridan.



alright, guess this looks promising. wait, is that a 2012 phone?!?! those dont even exist yet!
I
I Think It Is!!
Wait What The Heck Is A Hummins

You are now Eridan Ampora, just chillin' at home. You decide that now is the PERFECT TIME to test the limits of Troll Eridan's - or, as you like to call him, TRERIDAN'S - personality. You only hope that he enjoys cartoons with as much PASSION and FERVOR as you do.

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hankHill [HH] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].
HH: Hhello is this Eridan
CA: wwho the fuck is thish
HH: It's me...you
HH: I am Eeridan jjust like you
HH: Do yyou bbelieve me?
HH: Oh gosh Ii'm so nervious
CA: quit tryin to tell me im a douchebag cause i ALREADYMONE KNOW THAT

caligulasAquarium has banned hankHill.

hankHill has unbanned hankHill.

CA: step offa my phone
CA: dont keep unbannin yourself thats CHEATING

caligulasAquarium has banned hankHill.

hankHill has unbanned hankHill.

caligulasAquarium has banned hankHill.

hankHill has unbanned hankHill.

caligulasAquarium has banned hankHill.

hankHill has unbanned hankHill.

HH: Do yyou believe me now
CA: fuckin NO
HH: Wwhat if I said I was your
HH: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuum
HH: Kismasis?
CA: yeah jus keep tryin itll nevver wwaterwwork out
HH: Denizen then?
CA: not evven a term
HH: Llet's try ancestor?
CA: holy shit no

caligulasAquarium has banned hankHill.

hankHill has unbanned hankHill.

CA: GOGDAMNIT TOLD YOU STEP OFF!
HH: Two wwords: Ahab's Crosshairs
HH: 6u6 >8] [8< 9u9 *WONK WONK WIONK*
CA; doesnt evven count as proof you uncalled-for undersea ass
HH: I ttype in mmy blood color
CA: DUALSCAR ORPHANER
HH: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
CA: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

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CA: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE
HH: Wwell, I admire yyour efforts...
HH: But you are not carrying on mmy legacy well eenough
CA: no disrespect you knoww but are you messin wwith me
CA: i wwork hard to ensure the evventual destruction of all landdwwellers
HH: It's nnot aabout that
HH: Even though it should bbe obvious bby nnow that your plan was a ddismal failure
CA: HEY
CA: havve it all set up just the wway i wwant it
CA: you got no idea howw much cool shit i do evvery single goddamn day of the wweek
CA: im so cool it makes me sick
CA: sick because it makes me catch a cold or somethin
CA: troll cold
CA: real thing
CA: look it up
HH: Okay
HH: Humor ccould use improvement bbut it's gettin' there
CA: not humor its a stone-cold diss
HH: Well SSTOP DISSIN YER ELDERS TIMMY
CA: im not timmy
HH: THIS IS YOUR FATHER ANCESSTOR TELLIN YYOU TO STEP OFF
CA: yes sir
HH: I wwill put you oon the ROAD TO RECOVERY
HH: First off eever heard of a television
CA: you had those
HH: There's nnothin we DIDN'T used to have back in the AWESOME ACTION-PACKED PAST
CA: i wwatch history channel sometimes
HH: Hhistory won't tell you shit
HH: What you need tto watch is Trollian Cartoon Network
CA: WWHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT
CA: fuckin wwisdom of the ages right here
CA: travelin right into my ears by the powwer of SCIENCE
CA: wwhat showws are on this supposed cartoon netwwork
HH: More than yyour feeble young mind could evver imagine
HH: You must watch Ttroll Chowder
HH: Coming-oof-age story of a young enterprising bbeast who ggrows up into a pro by the end of it
HH: He had MMANY DESENDANTS and HIS SIGN WAS PPASSED TO ALL OF THEM
CA: woah
HH: Hhe's not anything like you
HH: Or so you may think at first
HH: But actually you oought to thick of eevery character as aa thinly-veiled representation of yyou and your other pals
CA: you are blowwing my mind
CA: problem is my hivveboat just got toasted by a meteor
HH: A wwhat
CA: meteors yknoww
HH: No the other tthing
HH: Back in mmy times wwe lived in houses, is tthat what you meant
CA: wwell shits still in my house wwhich just got blowwed up to high troll heavven so i cant wwatch no chowwder
HH: A crying shame

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HH: I'll make a believer out of you

> Eridan: Drop it in.

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HH: I sent you aa TV by ddropping it into the phone iif that makes any sense
HH: Bblack n white but that's aall wwe have in the past
HH: Hello?
HH: Sspeak to me son?

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NEPETA: WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS MESSED UP!!
NEPETA: WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT
I am not at liberty to say that.
NEPETA: eridan are you still there? speak to me! motherfuckin speak!
He was never listening.
NEPETA: oh, good to know the game doesnt work that way then. didnt hurt to try though.
KANAYA: Just Calm It Down Nep
NEPETA: okaaay. i have no choice anyway. so gold friend is eridan and silver friend is treridan?

SMEK!

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NEPETA: UGYAAAAAAAAAAA!!
OKAY! Kanaya, it is your turn.
KANAYA: Err
KANAYA: Kind Of Feel Sorry For Nepeta
KANAYA: I Stole Her Turn From Directly Under Her Nose
KANAYA: Nepeta Have My Turn
NEPETA: you feel guilt? sweet! let's be the kid john, then, he's always useful

> Be John.



You are now John Egbert. You just got BEAT UP by Roxy Balboa, the self-proclaimed TUFFEST GAL IN TH SCKOOLHAUS, and NOBODY IN THE HOUSE NOTICED. You're feeling pretty horrible right about now!

john? roxy? this raises more questions than it answers.
Sh Nep Sh Nep He Cannot Hear You

But before you put yourself in the INFIRMARY and FILE A LAWSUIT you're going to test out a complex plan by contacting a particular CHARACTER using your state-of-the-art COMPUTER.

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Welcome to: Chatchum version 2.0.0!

Request to chat with: helpMe
Choose version:
Human
Humantroll <
Choose time:
Past
Present
Future <

Request pending...

prettycoolSepulcherdude [PS] began chatting with helpMe [HM].

HM: john! i've been waiting for this chat for so long!
HM: evidently you are about to request a tall order.
PS: you'd be right!
PS: you're a time traveler so i guess you already know this, but...
PS: i think this will be the first and most important step on the road to vanquishing andrew!
PS: tell me, does the plan fail?
HM: if i told you it might cause a doomed timeline!
PS: haha! okay, just wanted to see someone tell me that.
PS: how far in the fame have you progressed?
HM: pretty damn far! 0_0
PS: perfect. now listen carefully...or read thoroughly?
PS: i need you to combine your cell phone, a fourth wall, and a door.
HM: uh-huh...
PS: then a need you to do the same thing, but with glasses instead of a door.
PS: then open the door in the cell phone and give me the high-dangerous homestuck glasses!
PS: if this works, i'll have glasses with the power to transcend the boundary between earth and alternia!
PS: they'll let me see parts of homestuck that the author DOESN'T want me to see!
HM: this is crazy!
PS: so crazy it might just save us all, i hope!
HM: ahaha! i almost forgot how great your ideas were!
PS: haha, thanks!
PS: aradia, you're such a great friend!
HM: oh, you're too kind! haha

========>

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HM: ha
HM: hm
HM:
HM: i believe i just combined a cell phone with a door
HM: and then i
HM: the fourth wall got combined with
HM: a bag of chips
PS: ...
HM: that's the last wall we had
HM: it won't come back out
HM: i...i'm sorry john.
HM: i failed you.
PS: oh...that's too bad.
HM: but...
HM: hey, it was inevitable, right?
HM: if it had worked we'd be DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED! 0u0

prettycoolSepulcherdude has logged off.

HM: 0n0

========>

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NEPETA: damnit scratch, you just like slapping people's faces don't you!
It's getting a bit old.
NEPETA: good
NEPETA: then i guess my guess of john being the...
Yes, it was all completely wrong.
NEPETA: that scene was surprisingly useless
KANAYA: Oh...
KANAYA: This Is Just Heart-Rending
KANAYA: Nepeta You Deserve Another Turn
NEPETA: if it means another slap i'm not sure if i want it
KANAYA: Ihhhh
KANAYA: Just Take It Woman

> Nepeta: Be Terezi in her house doing SOMETHING.

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Nope, sorry, that won't work.
NEPETA: what?! why not??
Because it just wouldn't. That's all you need to know.
KANAYA: Yeah Just WON'T
NEPETA: but that isnt fur!
NEPETA: fair whatever but we already got to be who kanaya wanted and she chose a gosh-darn honeybee guy
NEPETA: and I kinda happen to think terezi is pretty damn entertaining
To be quite candid with you I find her annoying. All she does is make fun of poor Karkat. She's like, say, an internet meme that's become mainstream.
KANAYA: Or A Karkat-Loving Doofgoof Loofgoof
I mean she doesn't even have an arc yet. Are are we completely sure she still likes Karkat? She should hate him for him apparently dumping her or something.
KANAYA: Youve Never Been To Trmiddle School Right
NEPETA: and here we go tittering like schoolgirls
Oh my.
KANAYA: Meeeeh Shit Lets Be Jack Vantas Calling Up Spades Slick
KANAYA: It Might Be Funny
Fine by me.
NEPETA:THAT'S PURE FAVORITISM! UN-FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be him doing that.

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JACK: Hey, you must be that "Spades Slick" fella my son was yackin' about.
SS: THE NAME IS SOVEREIGN SLAYER YOU TREMENDOUS ASS!

END SCENE.

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NEPETA: wooooah! go back
NEPETA: go back to what we were just seeing
Sorry, but that is the end of the scene.
NEPETA: this game cheats, man! I cant stand that!
Then maybe if you would like a longer scene, you should choose a more important character?
KANAYA: I Have An Idea
NEPETA: OHHH no you dont.
NEPETA: I use the first friend card to be jack vantas!
A little hasty, don't you think?
NEPETA: i think you will find this situation to be sufficiently non-absurd.

> Nepeta: Be Jack Vantas doing whatever.



You are now Jack Vantas taking a nap before tonight's big midnight ride.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!
Do you feel sufficiently enlightened?
NEPETA: goddamnit NO.
NEPETA: do i have to do the dumb guessing game thing too?
If you opt for a Friend Card, guessing and slapping is not necessary for the turn.
Who's next?
KANAYA: Ooh Troll Karkat Doing Something Absurd
KANAYA: If It Werent For Him I Wouldnt Be Who I Am Today

> Kanaya: Be Troll Karkat (Tkrarkat????) doing something absurd

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CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] opened memo: ""

CCG: WOAH, THE FUCK IS THIS?
CCG: OH A BOARD TOPIC. SGRUB TRULY HAS IT ALL.
CCG: NO CLUE WHY THEY'D HIDE THIS LITTLE FEATURE SO DOWN IN THE GAME MENUS.
CCG: MAKES ME WONDER WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS THING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] :22 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo "".
FTA: hiiiiii, karkaaaat...
CCG: HEY SOLLUX, ARE YOU STILL DOING ALRIGHT OUT THERE?
CCG: WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN LIKE HOURS NOW.
CCG: WAIT A SEC, WHAT'S WITH THAT TIMESTAMP UP TOP?
FTA: oh, we're ju2t 2peakiing through tiime...
CCG: THAT'S FUCKING GARBAGE. YOU CAN CREATE NEW WORLDS, YOU CAN KILL THOUSANDS OF IMPS AND ORCS OR WHATEVER FANTASY SHIT THEY DREGGED OUT, YOU CAN BUILD HIVES WITH HUSKTOPS AND WHATNOT, BUT I THOUGHT THAT WE ALL AGREED TIME TRAVEL IS AS REAL AS TAVROS' FAIRIES' TITS.
FTA: naw, iit'2 ok iif you don't beliieve...
CCG: YOU SOUND REALLY DOWN MAN.
CCG: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? SOME OF YOUR BLUE TEAM WRIGGLERS DIE ON YOU?
CCG: BY THE WAY WHO'S ON THE BLUE TEAM.
FTA: iit'2 not thaaaaaat...
FTA: ii ju2t 2crewed everythiing up...
FTA: maaaaaaaaaaaaan...
CCG: EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR WHATEVER LAND OF SHIT AND ASS AND HOW TO GET THERE SO WE CAN IRON OUT THIS WHATEVER'S GOING ON AND STOP TALKING OUT YOUR TROLL NOSE OR SOMETHING. I'M OVER AT THE PARTHAMOM OR SOMETHING SO I'M LIKE HALFWAY OVER ALREADY.
CCG: C'MON, YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME OR ELSE IT'S BORING AS TOSS-DONUT AND DON'T THINK I WON'T KICK YOU IN THE FACE JUST TO GET THAT HEAD IN THAT GAME.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 1:36 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo "".
FCG: BEEP BEEP SMARTER FUTURE KARKAT COMIN' THROUGH.
FCG: CCG BAN THIS GUY NOW
CCG: OKAY WHO'S THE WISE-ASS.
FTA: heeeeey, karkaaaaat...
FCG: DON'T YOU SEE HE'S AN IMPOSTOR LIKE ALL THE OTHERS!
CCG: IMPOSTORS? STOP PULLING MY TINY BABYNUBS HERE, PUNK. YOU'RE THE ONLY FAKE HERE.
FCG has banned FTA from responding to memo "".
FCG has renamed memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FCG: THERE WE GO.
CCG: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?
FCG: IF I WASN'T YOU THEN COULD I BAN HIM? IS THAT PROOF ENOUGH YET?
FCG: WAIT, IT TOOK ME A LITTLE LONGER THAN THIS TO GET IT I THINK.
CCG has banned FCG from responding to memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FCG has unbanned FCG.
FCG: THERE! IF I DIDN'T MAKE THIS HOURS AGO THEN I COULDN'T PULL ALL THESE TRICKS OR WHATEVER.
CCG: FINE. YOU GOT A FUTURE MESSAGE OR SOMETHING?
FCG: YES.
FCG: YOU CAN'T TALK TO ANY OF THE OTHER PLAYERS FROM HERE ON OUT.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK NOT MISTER EMPEROR SHITTROUSERS?
FCG: BECAUSE! THEY AREN'T THE FRIENDS, OR FUCKBALLS, OR WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL THEM BACK THEN IN THE PAST, THAT YOU KNOW.
FCG: THEY'RE ALL GETTING REPLACED.
FCG: REMEMBER WHEN YOU TALKED TO EQUIUS BEFORE? THAT WASN'T HIM, MAN.
CCG: OH HOLY EXPLETIVE MAN, HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS.
FCG: BECAUSE I TOLD MYSELF EARLIER, DUMBASS!
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FCG unbanned FCG.
CCG: GODDAMMIT.
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 1:40 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FCT: D--> Hey is anybody else on the sugar planet yet
FCG: ALSO THIS.
CCG: HELL EQUIUS, HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW THIS THING EXISTED?
FCT: D--> John told me about them
FCG: HE MEANS JOHN THE HUMAN BOY.
FCT: D--> Wow how'd you know that one already
FCT: D--> Maybe I told you before and it just %d my mind ha ha ha hoo
FCT: D--> Anyways I'm on the sugary desert place (sh001d I say dessert?) with a few other trolls and we're about to have a gigantic brawl of epic proportions, maybe if any of you are standing around nearby you w001d want to join us
CCG: MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT.
CCG has banned FCT from responding to memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FCG: SEE WHAT I MEAN? THEY KEEP TALKING ABOUT HUMAN THINGS AND SMALL TALK NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR AND THINGS THEY WOULD NEVER EVER SAY.
FCG: SOMEHOW THEY ARE GETTING TROLLKIDNAPPED AND SOME SORT OF HUGE ENEMY IS USING THEM TO TRY AND GET US.
CCG: US AS IN ME?
FCG: YOU BET OUR ASS.
CCG: DID THEY GET TEREZI?
CCG: NO, I MEAN DID THEY GET TAVROS? PLEASE SAY THEY DIDN'T GET TAVROS.
FCG: I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO ASK HIM BECAUSE I'M TERRIFIED OF THE LOOMING DISAPPOINTMENT. LIKE IF IT'S NOT HIM I WOULD KILL MYSELF. I JUST WANT HIM TO BE OKAY BUT...
CCG: IT'S OKAY. JUST LET HIM STAY AS "SCHRODINGER'S NITRAM" FOR NOW, WE'LL ALL FIND THIS OUT IN THE FUTURE.
CCG: HE'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT.
FCG: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT EARLIER, BUT NOW I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!
FUTURE FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FFCG] 3:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FFCG: NEWSFLASH: YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.
FCG: AUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUUUUUCK
FFCG: JOHN WAS SO RIGHT, I HIT THE HONKIN' JACKPOT ON THIS ONE.
FFCG: I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU KARKATS, YOU ARE BLOODY HILARIOUS.
FFCG: PUN INTENDED.
CCG: THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN
FCG: THIS CAN'T HAPPEN IT JUST CAN'T BE HOW IT ALL ENDS
FCG: QUICK KARKAT, I'LL GO FIND TEREZI AND MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY.
FFCG: SHE'S OKAY, SHE'S RIGHT HERE BUT SHE'S BLIND.
FCG: SHUT YOUR FACE WE AREN'T TALKING TO YOU.
FCG: NOW KARKAT YOU SIT THERE AND WAIT UNTIL YOU BECOME ME AND WARN ME ABOUT THIS IMPENDING DOOM THING OKAY?
CCG: BUT WHAT ABOUT JACK? HE GETS BORED SO EASILY AND I DON'T WANT TO PUT THAT ON HIM.
FFCG: ASK HIM WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT: BEING BORED FOR ONE HOUR OR LOSING EVERYTHING YOU LOVE?
CCG: OKAY HE SAYS HE UNDERSTANDS AND IT'S WHAT A MAN HAS TO DO. I'LL SEE YOU LATER I THINK.
CCG ceased responding to memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".
FCG: YOU ASS! YOU INCREDIBLE ASS!
FFCG: THAT IS HOW YOU GET BACK AT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. TAKE NOTE KIDS AT HOME.
FFCG: STAY TUNED FOR MORE HOMESTUCK ACTION OR WHATEVER.
FCG: SHUT UP SHUT UP I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU ANYMORE!!
FCG has left memo "Everybody Else Is Insane Except Karkat".

[OrangeAipom]

> Lord English: Attempt to come out of Doc Scratch, killing him.
> Sprite: Noticing that Scratch's death is near, save him.

[Weather Report]

> Lord English: Attempt to come out of Doc Scratch, killing him.



Oh dear reader, you aren’t playing the Deathstuck board game with us, are you? You aren’t allowed to choose characters that aren’t on the game board. Besides, you can’t use a Friend Card because you don’t own any.

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NEPETA: um who are you talking to
The dear readers of course, Ms. Leijon.
My duties and jurisdiction toward hostdom stretch past all conventional boundaries, such as universes.
NEPETA: thats weird

> Leafsprite: Notice that your turn is near, choose Dr. Scratch in order to save him.

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KANAYA: Look Out Everyone
KANAYA: Leafsprite Wants To Be Timmy Turners Dad
NEPETA: you know that franchise too
KANAYA: Yeah Havent You Ever Watched The Troll Version Of The Fairly Oddparents
Well any excellent host out there would of course let the guest do as he, she or it pleases.

> Dr. Scratch: Are you okay?



You are trapped within the endless void that is DOC SCRATCH’S ENORMOUS HEAD.

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DR. SCRATCH: Neeeeeeeeeh...
DR. SCRATCH: Is anyone in here?
DR. SCRATCH: I won’t let anybody harm my studeeeeeeeeeeeents...
DR. SCRATCH: ............................................
DR. SCRATCH: Alright Mister Andrew you can let me go now.......

========>

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NEPETA: hold on guys i gotta take a message
KANAYA: Hahaheehee Youre Slapping My Face Docky
Yes, quite, eheheheh...

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proirotInvestigator began chatting with superstreetFighter.

PI: Nepeta, are you there? I see you’re playing that weirdo board game.
PI: First off you need to know that the weird doctor guy is molesting you. Both of you.
PI: All three of you, really.
PI: Second, according to the boards, he seems to have infinite power so if you’re going to get out of his clutches, you’ll need to beat that board game.
PI: Start by choosing people you think have to do with the name “Deathstuck”. For instance, Equius is trying to find Aradia, who is dead, and Sollux is currently STILL dead, if yet also alive at the same time.
PI: Also, “Deathstuck” is the name of Gamzee’s horrible fan fiction.
PI: We can strategize over this together if you want.
PI: Can you answer me? I can’t really see this stuff posted on the site until the next page goes up. So if something’s wrong with your phone perchance, I don’t know what to do but wait.

> Nepeta: Answer.



You can’t. Your fingers go right through the phone! It seems somebody went ahead and stole your phone’s FUNCTIONAL DREAMS! That BASTARD! Goddamn ghostphone is completely useless. Guess normal replies are out from now on.

EDIT:

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J.BROSHIPPING (TerezixDave)

There you go, a picture of a young starlet's dreams and hopes getting crushed by an alien. Thanks for 50,000 views! Stop looking at this thing, guys! You're gonna make me get a huge ego and act like an unrepentant douchebag!

[Weather Report]

> Nepeta: Rose has given you inspiration. Let's be bold.

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NEPETA: guess its my turn...
NEPETA: okay! this time I want to be kanaya...
NEPETA: OF THE PAST.
As you wish.

> Nepeta: Be Past Kanaya. Like, approximately during the time when Nepeta was fighting a Drone. Remember that? Yeah.

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KANAYA: Is That Really The Reason You Came All The Way Down Here
That wouldn't be completely true, I'm afraid.
I also needed to see you face-to-face in order to deliver a pressing piece of news with my full sincerity.
KANAYA: If You Know Everything Then How Is It News
Precisely the issue at hand.
You will be recieving another group of visitors very soon. Within the next few hours, I'd gather.
If I had known of this sooner, you know that I would have told you.
KANAYA: I Thought Youd Dropped The Doting Creepy Uncle Act Sweeps Ago
What's then is then, what's now is now.
All I'm sure of at this point is that it will be your duty to attend to these guests of yours and take them with you into your game's session.
KANAYA: People Can Enter The Game In Pairs
Yes, sure, as long as they are all in the same home as it leaves this universe.
And that includes co-players.
But that is all I can tell you about them.
KANAYA: So This Is Why I Cant Cut These Legs Just Yet
Precisely.
You have almost six hundred and seventy hours until a meteor marks this location for destruction. I would not believe that time is an issue for you.
Which is sort of humorous when you factor in that you are a Hero of Space.
KANAYA: Fine Then
KANAYA: But Cant You Tell Me Whos Coming
That would ruin the suprise, wouldn't it?
You won't be disappointed though, that much I can assure you.
Even in my weakened state of mind, at least.
Now come. Let us go shopping.
KANAYA: Yaaaaaaaay

========>



And since then, her intelligence has decreased tenfold.

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NEPETA: where'd you go shopping after that, kanaya?
KANAYA: Prospit Fabric Shop
KANAYA: My Absolute Favorite Of All The Fabric Shops
8^y
NEPETA: whyd you make me hafta highlight that
NEPETA: you...youre just the worst like uncle ever
NEPETA: 3:`((
KANAYA: For My Turn I Demand That We All Be Equius
KANAYA: I Am Eager To See Where His Quest May Be Leading Him
KANAYA: I Mean I Heard Hes Got A Robotic Aradia Sprite So That Should Be Interesting Right

> Equius: Finish -alizing.



You have been teleportalied near a great basin of fried rice! It seems that you've gotten yourself chin-deep in GOAT TERRITORY. The morning sun is fast approaching.

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TT: r u there now -~L~-
EZ: Yes I am in goat HQ as we speak
EZ: The eagle is in the goat pasture, I repeat
TT: waite one moment!! >~u~<

> Equius: Spot your ally.

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TT: alrit the next pagg is heur -~_~-
TT: woe man as a italeen sheff wuld say thass a spicey number o gote-ballz -~p~-
EZ: Ro% nasty there are some girl goats out there
EZ: Besides I can see Robo-Radia from here
EZ: She's all tied up
EZ: I think they're doing something fishy
TT: luk their gonna sacrifize her to the greap gote godz -~m~-
EZ: Oh my god
EZ: Geddit
TT: totes bitchin weak yo -~k~-
EZ: Fair enough
EZ: There's no time to 100se but how do I get all the way over there undetected
TT: beit up a gote -~u~-

> Equius: Beit up a gote.

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TT: now wear it they wont notiss a thing -~U~-
EZ: So warm
TT: ok now then sneak up to the hed gote and araidya -~_~-
TT: call yerself jeffy gote and they wont notice you -~_~-
EZ: Well let's try that out

> Equius: Be Jeffy Goat.



You are JEFFY GOAT, AGE 29. You spend your days working at the WATCH FACTORY and watch your nights circle the drain at the GAMBLING HALLS. You just haven't been the same after PAULA-ANNE, the love of your life, PASSED AWAY a few summers back.

Ever since that night you've just been spinning your wheels, you feel, JUST AMBLING THROUGH LIKE SOME OLD GOAT. On the weekends you think about your late girlfriend and your UNBORN KID IN HER STOMACH. You were going to call him GEORGY GOAT. Often on these sorts of days you drift into thought of Paula-Anne's HOT SISTER DORIS, who only pays mind to the RICH GOATS. That's when you feel it. All the luck, all the scum, and everything else between you and a woman you know you'll never truly love.

How much longer can all this spinning continue?

> Jeffy Goat: Face the biggest shock of your life.



HEY! THAT'S NOT JEFFY GOAT; I'M JEFFY GOAT!!



This sure is uncanny eh?

[Catstorm]

You're not Jeffy Goat, you're Jeffy C. Goat.

[Flairina]

Wait, alchemy doesn't work like that. She wouldn't need to literally combine the fourth wall with anything, she'd just have gotten its code punched into a card and then punched it again with whatever she's combining it with. 0_0

Anyways, let's see...

Roboradia: You're a robot and they tied you up with ropes. You were strong enough to punch through your own metal in canon, I think you're strong enough to tear apart a few ropes. Do so.

[OrangeAipom]

Wait, alchemy doesn't work like that. She wouldn't need to literally combine the fourth wall with anything, she'd just have gotten its code punched into a card and then punched it again with whatever she's combining it with. 0_0

She had to gristify the fourth wall to make anything involving a fourth wall. They're expensive.

[Weather Report]

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Wait, alchemy doesn't work like that. She wouldn't need to literally combine the fourth wall with anything, she'd just have gotten its code punched into a card and then punched it again with whatever she's combining it with. 0_0

Response from Trish: Here, here's the excuse I've been working on all day since I read your post. Ready? Okay, here it is: Aradia Hussie wasn't using punch-card alchemy, she was using

which means she was combining the actual objects and doing a horrible job of it.

Actually she's been under the tutelage of THE MASTER who NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE HECK HE IS.

By the time she received that call from John Egbert, she was ready to test her newfound alchemic knowledge for the very first time. But, like most first times, it did not go well.

I'M SORRY MY MASTER! TRISH AND I ARE BOTH FAILURES AT ALCHEMY! WE'LL GET BETTER FOR YOU, I PROMISE!!!



It was all an excuse for John not to get the Homestuck glasses. Cellphone with door is still an option, though.

(holy shit i should have gone with orangeaipom's excuse though)

========>

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JEFFYGOAT: Um no
JEFFYGOAT: I am Jeffy C. Goat
JEFFYGOAT: That is my middle initial
JEFFY C. GOAT: THAT'S STILL MY NAME!

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TT: equius -~!~-
TT: just back away slowly -~s~-
TT: then pump im bitches fulla arrowez +~u~+
EZ: At this point
EZ: Violence may just be the correct answer
TT: whatre you sayin of course it is -~fact~-
EZ: Wait no I thought I was still invisible who the hell gives a damn about Jeffygoat?

> Equius: Shed your goat exterior.

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GOAT: What are you retarded we still see you MEH!
GOAT: In fact youre the most noticable thing in here MEEEEH!
GOAT: Plus you're holding that gigantic 80's phone loser.
EQUIUS: DAMN
EQUIUS: I'll just go back to violence is the answer

> Equius: Charge your shadowy arrows.





========>



Meanwhile, upon the fried rice cliff...



A young lady is teetering dangerously over the precipice of millions of gallons of fried rice.

> Aradiabotsprite: Break out of the ropes. You're super-strong, remember?



Kyaaaaah! Goatsy is no happy of this! You wa unable to escape. Waaaaaa, what horror!

========>

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HIGHGOAT: Alright! Now its nearly time to begin the ceremony of summoning!
ARADIABOTSPRITE: hai.
HIGHGOAT: Hello. In another scant moment, it will be the moment prophesized to eliminate this monster!
ARADIABOTSPRITE: hai.
HIGHGOAT: Quiet you murderer!

Wait, murderer? How would they...



No, stop that question right now missy. To understand their understanding of the robot, first we must go back thousands of years...

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ARADIA: hey goats its me your heavenly leader
GOATS: Yay MEHHHH
ARADIA: so get this and somebody write it on a wall or something so you dont forget okay?
GOATS: We filled a lake with your favorite food because we love you MEH
ARADIA: thanx so in thousands of years there is gonna be a blue robot that ruined a whole other culture of orange guys like you sorta by killing their leader
ARADIA: she might kill some goats too idk
GOATS: We almost finished the statue of you MEH
ARADIA: thanx well remember to do a human sacrifice thing at dawn since it will be suitably dramatic and if youre nice i could even say a few words of commemoration
GOATS: YAY!

Okay, I guess we're good now.



Yes. She was prophesized as a great murderer of consorts. I hope you're happy now.

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HIGHGOAT: AND WHEN THE SKAIAN LIGHT TOUCHES HER, WE SHALL--
HIGHGOAT: Damn we missed the timing.
EQUIUS: Robo-Radiaaaaaaaa
ARADIABOTSPRITE: moshi-moshi?

> Equius: Begin dashing rescue.

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EQUIUS: I am here to rescue you
EQUIUS: Wait I gotta reload
EQUIUS: Shit I used up all the shadows
EQUIUS: How does that even happen
ARADIABOTSPRITE: Eqiussu! Yu aru labu mai laife!
HIGHGOAT: Well you sure screwed up everything. Thanks a lot jerk.
HIGHGOAT: We were all set to summon her n' junk.
HIGHGOAT: Now well have to go to her house and apologize to her like jerks.

> Aradia: Appear anyway.

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ARADIA: wait!!
ARADIA: dont kill that oh too late huh
ARADIA: i was hoping it would be more exciting
EQUIUS: Aradia
EQUIUS: Again
ARADIABOTSPRITE: she so beauty equisu
EQUIUS: Quiet honey the adults are talking
ARADIA: well yeah hi equius i set this whole thing up
HIGHGOAT: WE LOVE YA GIRL! WOO!
GOATS: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
ARADIA: ok thanx quiet now please
GOATS: It's cool.
ARADIA: i bey youre confused huh
EQUIUS: For several reasons of course
EQUIUS: Like why kidnap her only to save her
EQUIUS: And why do you keep teleporting around
EQUIUS: Can't you stay with us or Sollux or Nepeta I bet she sure needs some help
ARADIA: i will later but for now i have to keep helping out everybody
EQUIUS: why
ARADIA: because its already happened

========>

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ARADIA: time loops are just tracks of time that play out through time travel
ARADIA: some future aradias told me what they did and now i have to do it
ARADIA: its fun and helpful
ARADIA: so this event happened for two main reasons
ARADIA: because it already happened and...

========>

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ARADIA: now youre so much closer to trollaradia!
EQUIUS: Wow
EQUIUS: Time travel is a huge responsibility
ARADIA: yes but now its almost time for some events that dont make much sense but are sort of important!
ARADIA: you must hurry to trollaradia at the top of that minor mountain
ARADIA: go to her with the robot girl
HIGHGOAT: Yeah go to her MEH

> Equius: Reflect a little bit.

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EQUIUS: Aw, but I am going to miss you Robo-Radia
ARADIABOTSPRITE: ha ha i do no get it
ARADIA: daww so adorable now hurry onward!
ARADIA: see you soon in more ways than one wink wink nudge go
EQUIUS: Thanks for the help

========>

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GK: So You SeNT HiM oN HiS Way?
HM: yep just as you told me
HM: this way things will work out just fine right
HM: since you know these things
GK: eXaCTLy! aND You DiD a WoNDeRFuL JoB oF iT aRaDia!
GK: i'LL CaLL You LaTeR iF aNY oTHeR BiG eVeNTS NeeD CHaNGiNG.
GK: See Ya SooN?
HM: ha ha ha time travel joke i know what youre talking about

[OrangeAipom]

actually you can't go with my excuse because then you could degristify the new combinations

[Flairina]

Okay, excuse accepted. *shrug* I'll buy it.

No commands right now, I've got limited time here. Sorry!

[Weather Report]

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actually you can't go with my excuse because then you could degristify the new combinations

You know what? We're done here. We're finished with you and your thinking something and then saying it's wrong later. Nobody wants to see that stuff. You get the heck out of here. Then get the heck back in here because we got a story to tell and we value your imput. You're our Fireside Girl, if Mibbs is our Koolduck [sic].

Okay, excuse accepted. *shrug* I'll buy it.

Well good, but I'm gonna say something a little terrifying here: this is a mainly comedy story which means that we aren't going to pay attention to the aspects that don't matter as much. I mean, it's just us not paying enough attention to the physics of Homestuck, but unless emphasis is placed on stuff, it's gonna be played as a bad joke. Don't worry about every logical fallacy you see, odds are they won't matter much, so kick back and relax! Stay a while! Get some cocoa and enjoy yourself! MST3K mantra? No? That doesn't apply here? D'aw.

Reverse that suggestion. Ask us all the questions you can! Making the creators think is a good thing and you're on a roll here!

> Nepeta, Kanaya and Doc Scratch: Reap spoils.



For viewing Equius' heart-racingly insightful rescue, your DEATHSTUCK TEAM has earned ONE MORE POINT.

This point has unlocked an achievement: [S] Page 1! Now you can see a SEEMINGLY-UNSPECIFIED [S] PAGE!

> Rose: Share your thoughts.



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OH SHADDAP!

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What could work, Rose (you) mean(s)? This?

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But you'll embarrass yourself in front of the guys!

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He's probably venting over the fact that he has no face to call his own.

DO I DISGUST YOU, ROSE LALONDE?
I Wanna Scream Too

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Sure but what did Rose have in mind?

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Okay, you get her. You'll spend that [S] on something useful, don't Rose worry.

> Nepeta: Use the [S] command.

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NEPETA: scuse me scratch id like to use that s
Alright, sounds like a good plan of action.
KANAYA: Stop Squeezing My Cheeks
NEPETA: really stop it
NEPETA: and can I use the thing on a particular head?
Unfortunately...

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It was an Aradia [S] this whole time.

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NEPETA: cool!
KANAYA: Shes Still The Boring Troll Right

NEXT TIME: [S] COMMAND. Give us a day and we'll have it finished. We've had this one on the back-burner for a few weeks and it's ready to go into your mouths.

[Weather Report]

FLESH PEDGE 5 I THINK

This was a flesh that I'd wanted to do for about two months or so. I can't give a difinitive reason why, exactly, but it was very fun in the end. We were actually stockpiling stuff for it for the last two weeks, so we only had to finish stuff up before posting it tonight.

Credits for the song go to Eric "Jit" Scheele.

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[S] Aradia: Go home.

[Weather Report]

CONTINUATION

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[Flairina]

Okay, so as far as I can understand Aradia was sucked in too the comic (in the future), the police and Handmaid are outside Rose's house (which apparently Aradia and Terezi are visiting), and some... brown... THING is up on a tree.

Now, what is really plaguing my mind is this- did the sprites just combine, or did frog-Aradia prototype the robo-Aradia? Is prototyping a sprite with a sprite even possible?

Also it should be purple. Blue+Red=purple.

[Trish]

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Okay, so as far as I can understand Aradia was sucked in too the comic (in the future), the police and Handmaid are outside Rose's house (which apparently Aradia and Terezi are visiting), and some... brown... THING is up on a tree.

Now, what is really plaguing my mind is this- did the sprites just combine, or did frog-Aradia prototype the robo-Aradia? Is prototyping a sprite with a sprite even possible?

Also it should be purple. Blue+Red=purple.

Weather Report sez: Terezi and Aradia went with Rose after the the Find Your Own Lawn Club so that Rose's mom could try and "fix" Aradia, and yes, they are apparently being stalked by the Felt Police, the Handmaid, and some Brown Guy. This is all SOUPER-TRUE.

And, yes, she is taken away INTO THE FUTURE at some point LATER ON! Now, when Aradia combined with Roboradia, since Aradia was already 2x prototyped she acted as the overwrite upon Roboradia's form (like Nanna>Harlequin, Jade>Bec or Dave>Crow). I don't know if there are any barriers around prototypings, and even so, it's fun to screw around with this kind of mechanic stuff! Hey, we can even combine a kernel with a kernel! THEN EVERYONE DIES!!

I decided to make her still red since it makes it easier to pick her out as herself, pretty much only because of convenience and style. She can't be purple, because what would happen if she was with Gamzee?! THEY WOULD LOOK EXACTLY LIKE EACH OTHER!! Not Eridan, though; he's got glasses so he's safe.

(nah theme colors are just really really fun)

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TEREZI: Wow th3 4rt 1n th1s story 1s r34lly go1ng downh1ll!
ROSE: TEREZI!!
TEREZI: SOM3BODY h4d to s4y 1t! |:[
ARADIA: doesnt it concern you in the slightest that andrew is somehow recording fragments of our daily lives on his website for personal gain?
TEREZI: You'r3 not st1ll p4r4no1d, are you?
ARADIA: think of it this way:
ARADIA: OuO
TEREZI: HUH? 4ll you'r3 do1ng 1s sm1l1ng 4t m3!
ROSE: Alright, alright...

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ARADIA: everything is so clear to me now...
ARADIA: long-lost memories are surfacing...
ARADIA: even my senses have been freed!
TEREZI: 1 would c4ll th1s 4 b1g ol' v1ctory for T34m Ros3!
ROSE: Aw shucks. Don't thank me, thank my mother, Lelache Lalonde!
ARADIA: no, i am thanking both of you
ARADIA: and terezi too, even though you didn't actually do anything!
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 COM3 SO F4R M1SS HUSS13!!!
ARADIA: QuQ
ROSE: Of course, we're definitely not out of the metaphoricl woods just yet. In fact, we're in deeper backwoods bear shit than ever before.
ROSE: I mean, who's the brown kid?
TEREZI: KID?? Y34h r1ght! Mor3 l1k3 h3's 4 tw3lv3-story t4ll HUNKS1CL3!!
ROSE: Um. He?
ARADIA: as much i would love to call you an un-smart goof-like person...
TEREZI: H33H33H33H33H33
ARADIA: he-she-it may be a mysterious ally?
ARADIA: ill keep my mind open. after all, i will be chatting with him in the future or something.
TEREZI: You s33m to h4v3 com3 to t3rms w1th 4ll th1s v3ry f4st. Fr4nkly 1 4m 1mpr3ss3d!

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ARADIA: things may not look good but, well, there is always something worth fighting for, we have to be prepared to die a thousand deaths and...
ARADIA: whats this website?
TEREZI: 1'V3 B33N ON TH4T S1T3 B3FOR3!!
ROSE: I set this thing up in the hopes of gaining a few allies.
ROSE: I hope you don't mind if I used your personal information...
TEREZI: oh, th4t's 4lr1g--
TEREZI: W41T D1D YOU S4Y 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT MY JON4S BROTH3RS OBS3SS1ON!?!?
ROSE: No. Should I have?
TEREZI: Of cours3! 3:[
ARADIA: good effort, rose! and good luck and stuff
ARADIA: boy i sure feel refreshed
ARADIA: wait the banner looks pretty... cheap and rushed?
ROSE: Oh, phooey on you!
ROSE: And that lazy ass Patty Mayonaise, by the way.
TEREZI: 1 LOV3 TH4T SHOOOOOOOOW!!
ROSE: Ahem.
TEREZI: NO BUT WHY 4R3 W3--
ROSE: Ahem ahem ahem!
TEREZI: NOOOP3 TH1S 1S 4 S3R1OUS QU3ST1ON FOR ONC3!!
ARADIA: its okay terezi well hear you out
TEREZI: W3ll why th3 fuck 4r3 w3 ch3ck1ng out your h1l4r1ous forum 1nst34d of pr3p4r1ng to f1ght th3 b1g b4d 1d1ot pol1c3 4nd th4t f4t j3rk bully 41d4r4?
ARADIA: yeah, im in danger or something!
TEREZI: W3 4ll 4r3. *sn1ffl3*
ROSE: Don't worry, Aradia. We won't let anything happen to you.
ROSE: We're going to try our hardest to protect you.
ROSE: We're fighting fate.
ROSE: Fighting it for the sake of not only our classroom, but the world.
TEREZI: TH3N G3T OFF TH3 STUP1D W3BS1T3!
ROSE: Ow, get off the keyboard! Come on, Terezi! At least let me back myself up a little!
ROSE: Besides, I set the thing up because I wanted to amass a stronger band of freedom fate-fighters!
TEREZI: Hmph hmph!
ROSE: Well, according to the big flash that just happened, Aradia is going into the story sometime in the foreseeable future, and it's probably the fault of one to three of the possible threats displayed in said flash, blah blah blah.
ROSE: Lucky for us, I've seen the exact locations from which Snaffy and Aidara made their respective dramatic quotes, and they are actually pretty far away from my house.
ROSE: It's a big-ass cliff. It'll take them forever to get here!
ARADIA: unless they jump
ROSE: Unless they- well.....sure.
ROSE: Jump 'n break all their BONES, maybe.
ROSE: But I have to check my inbox!
TEREZI: G4444444444444444H!!!!!

Yo peeps! We REALLY need some requests. Even the dumbest, most half-assed-est request will do, because our story has always been kind of aimless.

[wolftamer9]

> Aradia: Gather together the things you might want to bring into Homestuck, like maybe a magic seeing-rock or some pruning shears. These are just ideas, you should take what you'll really need. You're short on time though, so Careful What You Pack.

(Extra points if she challenges Hussie to a game)

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Have to leave soon, but a Coraline/TMBG reference is always worth it.