WE'VE GOT TROPES (feel free to add some!)
Welcome and apologies in advance for this monstrosity! My sister (the grand originator of this project) and I would both love to introduce our want of a tablet... and probably a photoshop class... but either way! Here! Is! An! Introductory segmeeeeent! We are ready for suggestions!!
(NOTE: Updates will probably be once a day, combining suggestions from the previous night)
EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST
(click the picture for a slightly different full-size version!)
Amazing note: there's already a mirror! Thank you very much OrangeAipom!
Several character designs (Karkat, Rose, Feferi, Terezi and Kanaya) assisted with or outright created by friend pavlove
Some artwork done by OrangeAipom
Entire thing created by Trish and worked on by Trish and me sort of
I don't remember to update this
Actual, Non-Ironic Fan Art
CURRENT GATE/LAND PROGRESSION
You are EQUIUS ZAHHAK. You are currently attending a morning homeroom session at DOC HOLIDAY MIDDLE SCHOOL in HOUSTON, TEXAS. Your teacher MR. CAL is talking to your classmates FEFERI and JADE about the LATEST HOT TV DRAMA.
What will you do?
> Equius: Inspect attire.
You put in a conscious effort to look your best wherever you go. Tied to your neck is a freshly laundered BOWTIE purchased for you by your loving father, AURTHOUR ZAHHAK. It cost him quite a pretty penny, too. You also own and wear a fine set of FANCY TWEED COATS, such as the famous scientists do. Wearing one of these babies makes you feel like Einstein. God knows you're not! Ha ha ha UGH...
> Equius: Survey classroom.
This classroom, class 7-C to be exact, is a small cog in the wonderful machine that is one of the best private schools in the area. Class sizes usually round out at about SIXTEEN, and yours is no different. This allows all of the students to spend a lot of one-on-one time with Mr. Cal, who is, as everyone has to agree, the COOLEST TEACHER IN THE WORLD. Aside from his voluptuous jokes and witty quips, and the magic that flows freely about his glistening hundred-meter deep eyes, he practically gives out the answers to every test, giving your entire class a collective average of 100.
There simply is no one cooler. Especially not you. See, you're not one of the cool kids - in fact, you're one of the few nerds in this class. And that would be okay, if you were actually SMART.
But at least your friends JOHN EGBERT, in his prized Bill Cosby sweater, and TAVROS NITRAM don't see you as a COMPLETE FAILURE and a WASTE OF PRECIOUS TIME. (Well, John doesn't anyway. You can never tell what that demented cackling pyro Tavros is thinking.) You got to know them during your brief stint as a member of the ROBOTICS CLUB, during which time you hardly even learned how to make an operational motor!
Presently you spot them in the back of the classroom huddled over what appears to be an inexpensive PDA. And now John is waving you over urgently with a funny grin. What could they be looking at?
> Equius: Go look.
You cannot resist the urge to regroup and inspect. You mosey on over and greet the fellas. However, just as you approach them, you find that Tavros has backed away into the corner and is now bouncing a lighter wildly around in the air. He is kind of a creepy kid but you love him. Wait, no you don't.
...Oh, you know that grin. That's John's Homestuck grin. It's the grin that means he wants to share with you some HOMEstuck. UGH...
Just before Tavros manages to set a desk aflame, John splapps the lit lighter away! It rotates through the air and sticks itself directly in the worm-cultivating mulch, successfully quenching the flames. Tavros stares at John for a moment, aghast. Then they get into an argument about 'fire safety' and 'fuck fire safety'.
You facepalm. Damn pyro.
> Equius: Look at the PDA already.
Well, if you HAVE to...
As John and Tavros cry together in a RECONCILLIATION HUG, you furtively glance around, then snatch the PDA up off the desk. You read the update.
> Equius: Succumb to infathomable rage!
> Equius: That's enough, man.
> Equius: I think the other kids can hear you
> Equius: THAT'S ENOUGH
Everyone looks at you awkwardly. You probably shouldn't have said that.
> Equius: Be the Captor kid.
What? Who's 'the Captor kid'? Whoever that kid is, you are pretty sure that you do not know him, nor will ever know him.
> Equius: Be the Captor kid.
That is not a valid command. Try again.
> Equius: Be the Serket kid.
Now we're getting somewhere!
You are now VRISKA SERKET, and you have a BODACIOUS APPETITE FOR LIFE. You spend all of the allowance your mom can afford to lose on SKATEBOARDS, SKATEBOARD-APPLICABLE STICKERS and occasionally those little TECH DECK finger skateboard things. You especially like the little TECH DECK DUDES that they used to come out, probably because of the PROMINENCE OF THE WORD 'DUDE' IN THEIR NAMES.
One thing that you are very mad thankful for is the opportunity to attend such a great school, even in your current financial situation, and meet so many nice people and have so many good times with them and have so many new experiences. It's also nice that even though you're all STREET SMARTS and way too many SCHOOL DUMBS, Mr. Cal gives you an easy A every time. You must be totally blessed, dude!
You are currently sitting at your desk, absent-mindedly playing the good old air guitar.
> Vriska: Be the Captor kid.
What? There's no Captor kid. What have you been thinkin' dude? Who the blessed Bessie is freakin' CAPTOR?
> Vriska: Okay, fine, be the Zahhak kid.
You are now Equius.
You feel as though something very illogical has just transpired.
Also, John continues to blabber on about how great Homestuck is no matter what anyone says.
> Now be the Captor kid.
> Equius: Be Sollux.
You cannot be Sollux, because this is real life. You're supposed to know this.
Either way, one of the cooler kids in the class, named SOLLUX HUSSIE, approaches and cuts into the conversation. He’d been known for his NOTORIOUS LI2P, but he’s made great strides in taking care of it as of recent years. His STUPID LAME 3-D GLASSES shine vigorous morning sunlight directly into Tavros's eyes, and he shrieks and cowers. You think he's an alright guy...just a little careless. It's not his fault.
You wish they would stop acting like they were the actual characters from the story. It really gets on your nerves sometimes.
> Equius: Glance!
At Tav's urging, you all glance toward the window. Holy crap! It appears to be ANDREW HUSSIE, resident creeper, tormentor of Sollux and Aradia, and all-around unholy terror! Seriously, look at him. Closer. His skin is an otherworldly shade of mac-and-cheese orange, his eyes white and soulless as eggs, and the vast, unexplored frontier which was his face - no mouth to be spoken of whatsoever.
He notes your gazes, snaps a quick picture, and disappears into the bushes.
> Everyone: Be afraid.
You and Sollux proceed to do a 2x Facepalm combo. You also feel sick to your stomach. You can still barely process your thoughts of all the pornographic images there will surely be of you in a few minutes.
Then again, Andrew is a wily one. Just look at what he did to Aradia, who sits in the corner most of the time - and unlike Tavros, she doesn't even have a lighter to bounce around. You're sure Sollux could attest, too. Some people just shouldn't be messed with.
Ding goes the bell. Class begins. You think about Homestuck much longer and harder than usually allowed.
========> Skip the boring part.
What? School, boring? Why, that's preposterous! The land of scholastic knowledge! A world of books and learning! You take pride in even being able to ATTEND such a place of high learning! You also realize that you are kind of a HUGE NERD.
Nevertheless you decide to skip past the 'boring' part for the nice little imaginary people in your head, and are now homeward bound. After a post-school snack of granola and ham - both of which you love - you go to greet your dad, AURTHOUR, in his study. He seems to be ghost-writing another ogle-worthy article for the SADDLE LOVER'S CLUB EDITORIAL, a rather popular horse management magazine.
Then, you head up to your room, which you must assure yourself contains no manner of horse pornography whatsoever, I mean seriously, who would even have that.
You stand in front of the doorway and silently rage. Sweat builds on your brow. You simply cannot be-LIEVE what some fucking idiots will try for a laugh. John's right - you ARE tough! In fact, you might just confront that Hussmeister and give 'im a GOOD SOCK IN THE oh that's right you've never fought before in your life.
You were going to say nose.
> Equius: Enter your room, coward.
Who's a coward!?
No, the voices are right, as you soon decide. You push open the door, but feel a lot of pressure on the other side. You gasp, and break out into a cold sweat of fear.
IS HUSSIE PUSHING ME OUT FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR?!
So you give it your all, full-force against the door, and push away various tools and failed stupid robot limbs, which remind you of your failed dream of becoming a ROBOT ENGINEER FOR THE BIG BLOCKBUSTERS OR WHATEVER, EVEN THOUGH YOU SUCK AT BUILDING THINGS. You nod gravely at the scraps and think, yes, this is definitely your room - A ROOM FULL OF SHATTERED DREAMS.
Right after reminding yourself of this hard fact, you look at the walls. They are COMPLETELY PLASTERED IN MANIMAL HORSE PENIS. You are stunned into silence. Your heart, soul and waking dreams are gone now. All gone.
> Equius: SUCCUMB TO UNFATHOMABLE ADMIRATION
NO. WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT. Instead, you decide to open certain diplomatic relations with big-in-the-britches Mister Hussie. WITH YOUR WORDS.
> Equius: Drop by the Huss House.
Hussie has no house.
He lives in many places.
Recently he's been known to scurry into the Super 8, which you kids have deemed a GRADE 16 HUSSIE ALERT ZONE. So you drop by and enter the seedy establishment.
His room in unmistakable. By the time you see the giant spirograph and the frekay black aura which shrouds the hall like some sort of mad curtain, the HUSSIE DANGER LEVEL escalates to a FULL 100. If there were a bar denoting this sort of level, it would be flashing wildly right now. You steel yourself for what unspeakable horrors could possibly lie beyond the door.
> Equius: Enter.
You ram into the door! However, you forget how strong you really aren't and nurse a bruised shoulder. Then you knock a few times and wait. You do that for several minutes, get sick of it, and try the doorknob. To your surprise, the door is unlocked! You scamper in without a second thought.
The hotel room is covered from head to toe with pictures and pictures of Homestuck fan art, and you think it is all just hideous. The tables and desks are sheathed in a lustrous sheen of Homestuck-related shirts and dolls. In the back, seated in a chair and using the bathroom sink as a desk, sits Andrew, awkwardly scribbling on a tablet which is connected to his laptop.
You think you're just about ready to teach this guy a lesson.
Okay, now you're miffed. You reckon it's time to try out your punching hands.
> Equius: Sock his nose.
“LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE YOU CREEPY...GUY!” you wail, and then you lunge forward, ready to hit his face or whatever!
But, quick as a whip, Hussie unfurls his digital camera, takes a snapshot, plugs the camera into his tablet, and taps the screen with a stylus.
You are frozen in mid-air.
Andrew tip-toes toward you, light and carefree, laughing in an awful parody of 'normalcy'.
He begins whipping his fingers along the tablet's surface like wild! You feel your body mutating, filling out, becoming more cartoonish! Your vision goes darker and cracked as it hides beneath twin shades. Teeth file down and rip violently, yet bloodlessly, from your gums. Your head becomes...heavier? You can't even fathom what's happening to your clothing!
“Welcome to Alternia, stutid! ”
> Andrew: Enter (Key).
He presses a couple of buttons on the keyboard.
Within seconds, you find yourself in a dark, cave-like area. Broken robots litter the floor. Horse porn posters line the walls. More than startled, your hands fly to your eyes and pull away a scratched-up pair of shades. You see that your skin is sickly gray, like a zombie's! You are disgusted beyond belief.
You fall to your knees, raise your head to the heavens and shout, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!”
In frustration, you punch part of a wall with all your might! You successfully smash your hand numb. Fudgesicles.
There's a laptop over there. It seems someone is pestering you.
Commence throwing words at us!