EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (Ha ha, don't ever be a Tavros, be a tactful human)

[Weather Report]

Kanaya: Cut off the tip of the bags that stray.

Kanaya cannot perform that action because the author does not understand what that means!

[greenMachine]

I think OrangeAipom might have meant bangs instead of bags...so in other words the horn thingies. I could be wrong though.

[OrangeAipom]

I think OrangeAipom might have meant bangs instead of bags...so in other words the horn thingies. I could be wrong though.

I did.

[Dantmotckc]

>Anybody: meet Cal.

[Weather Report]

>Kanaya: Cut off the tip of the bangs the stray.



Sure, while you're at this worrying thing you could use a breather.

Okayyyy, slowly now... DAMMIT!!

> Thunder and Lightning: Happen



Elsewhere, a clap of thunder is heard. A man responds in kind. A dog will be walked. Some beloved children will be met up with. And revelations will follow.

But anyways you aren't him.

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And a piano will be played. But you aren't that thing either.

> Be literally anyone else.



You are now SNAFFY O'MANNY.

Um...

To be honest you probably don't need your own "you are" page. This stereotype is pretty self-explanatory.

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You can't believe how things are turnin' out tonight! According to DIE, Jack, his buddies and that poor, poor laddie of his were last spotted having a nice family outing at the OLIVE GARDEN. The nerve of those guys! You were so looking forward to gunning them all down with your brand-new CAR-MOUNTED MACHINE GUN.

> Snaffy: Enter home.



Ah, 'tis always nice to have a wee nap at t'end of the day, a'safe in yer home.

...What accent is this again?

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Oh...OH. Who's that on the SOfa?

> Snaffy: Meet Cal.



>Equius: Status report.



Nothing much to report on over here, except that you've decoded PUNCHCARD ALCHEMY! You sure can be smart sometimes, you'll admit.

[Naristar]

make some loot

[Weather Report]

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I have now finished my own 200th picture for this story!!!!!!!!!! I need to celebrate. Somebody give me a pairing to illustrate. We need more pairing pics for this story. It's important.

> Equius: Make some loot.









Well of course, you already have. Granted some of these things creep you out. After making a couple other robot-related items, they turned into... sylladex cards, they're called? Anyways they shattered. It took you SO MANY MINUTES to put a couple of them back together, so you've swept the rest of the failures into a neat pile.

Who would even want to deal with such a game mechanic?

> Equius: Examine sylladex.





You summon up some sort of card for it, which explains a total of jack shit, homes.

> Equius: Examine attire.



You've been able to construct for yourself a set of SWEET DUDS.

You successfully combined the fashions of two worlds. You have now won the game. Fuck yeah tweed jackets!!

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You also made the lady a nice sunhat because just face it, she deserves it. It's truly a stunning transformation.

[Mibbs]

check out crazy glove thing

[wolftamer9]

Lower the number down to 2 pcs, change the shape to square.

[Naristar]

I love the fact that the sprite looks happy!!
While adjusting his jacket He should accidently rip it!!(but have spares of course)

pairing......let me thing on this....

[Weather Report]

This one is called Actionshipping. I hope you all love it.


Please don't love it. The more of these I make the blacker my soul becomes. But hey, on the bright side it could've been NSFW in a different way! In all seriousness another update tonight.

[OrangeAipom]

I still want more somehow.

[Weather Report]

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I still want more somehow.

Well, the 1-month anniversary is just around the corner! You NEVER KNOW... I guess if people want they can send in suggestions and I'll make a folder in the first post for my art shit.

> Equius: Lower the Crash Sylladex number to two, change the shape to square.



The number only goes down to 37. Really. Troll Equius was a sick bastard for choosing this system, wasn't he. Wait how do you get 37 squares out of a rectangle??

> Equius: Check out crazy glove thing.



Do you mean THIS crazy glove thing? Oh ho, it is MUCH more than a crazy glove thing. It is the only weapon you will EVER need.

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First you took that robot printer sitting over there and hooked it up to your computer.

Then you edited a stock photo on GS Paint through color inversion and printed it out.

You took it, put its card together, stacked it with a bow and a robot arm card, punched them, scanned the cobalt crystally thing...

> Equius: WHAT IS IT I AM SO EXCITED



You have crafted a SHADOW-POWERED BEAM ARCHERY GLOVE, HARNESSING ALL SHADES OF DARKNESS AROUND YOU TO FIRE LASER ARROWS.

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Oh no! While you get busy posing, a Cobalt Seagoatrobotaradiafrogdragoncrab Imp appears! What will you do?

[Naristar]

((Oh my goodness thats like the quincy glove thing off of bleach))

Shoot it in the eyes

[Mibbs]

>

[Aureate]

((Oh my goodness thats like the quincy glove thing off of bleach))

Shoot it in the eyes

Sanrei glove.
*cough*ttlynotageek*cough*

Uh... if it's a laser, how does it use shadows to fire its arrows? I was pretty sure they worked using photons. >.>;

> Attack its weak point for massive damage. :B
(Or just shoot it in the eyes, that'll do.)

[Weather Report]

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Sanrei glove.
*cough*ttlynotageek*cough*

Uh... if it's a laser, how does it use shadows to fire its arrows? I was pretty sure they worked using photons. >.>;

> Attack its weak point for massive damage. :B
(Or just shoot it in the eyes, that'll do.)

Well to answer this question, I should first bring up that it was made from a printed out picture of a solar panel that was colorreversed, combined with a shitty bow and a robot hand. Take from that what you will. If you want a more faux-sciency explanation, then we'll say "It converts darkness around it into pure dark matter, which it then fires out at the speed of darkness i.e. the speed of the absence of light i.e. however it appears on the page. Also we sprinkled some of Rose's wand dust and Vriska's dice sweat into it. I hope that clears some things up!

Oh and it's not a Quincy glove. I'm gonna make a FISTBOWKIND card and show it off in a panel one of these days when we get back to Eq. I promith.

And on that note, 1ST MONTH ANNIVERSARY!! Today my GIF *heheheheh* to you guys is what I like to call BIGKAHUNASHIPPING, the epic pairing between John and Vriska. Enjoy.

> Equius: Flip the fuck out!



Come now, you wouldn't do that. You're as calm as a cucumber.

> Equius: Shoot it in the eyes.





DIE VIA DEATH YOU IMP VERMIIIIIIIIIN!!

> Equius: Collect spoils of war.



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Oh well now someone's messaging you. Iiiit's... Aradia and Scorpiosymbol! Better check them out.

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apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AA: equius nice j0b killing that last imp
CT: D--> Why thank you leader ma'am
AA: n0w we have just en0ugh build grist t0 c0pypaste 0ne m0re hive
AA: that sh0uld be en0ugh t0 get y0u t0 the gate right
CT: D--> Yeah but before you go possibly cushing me to death
CT: D--...
CT: D--> I gotta go talk to someone
AA: alright then i will take care 0f it when y0u are d0ne with vriska
AA: als0 the r0b0t fix it s00n
AA: seri0usly
CT: D--> Oy vey alright

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased centaursTesticle [CT]

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Dang, you had to pull out the old 'oy vey!' and you aren't even Jewish! Let's see what Vriskatroll has to say.

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arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AG: Equiuuuuuuus!!!!!!!!
CT: D--> Yes
AG: What the hell are you doing with Aradia's present over there?!
CT: D--> Woah how can you see me
AG: Isn't it o8vious? i'm looking through my computer at Aradia's computer!
AG: And what do I find myself seeing here? 8acksta88ing, rampant 8acksta88ing!
CT: D--> Um now don't be so hasty
CT: D--> I can fix this and its not a problem, nor can you blame me
AG: Excuse me?
AG: I can't 8lame YOU for this?
AG: 8re you suggesting I w8s the one who toss8d th8t ro8ot into your kernel?
CT: D--> Watch your eights they're getting rather crazy
CT: D--> Put a rein on them or something
AG: Oh you 8re NOT pulling a hoof8east joke on me.
AG: Who do you think you 8re?!
CT: D--> Uiugh you're scaring me
AG: T8KE IT OUT NOW!
CT: D--?
AG: R88CH IN TH8R8 8ND PULL TH8T 8R8DI8 RO8OT OUTT8 TH8T THING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
CT: D--> It doesn't work that way
CT: D--> Uh hang on a minute

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This chick is really wearing you down. You need help, and fast. It's not as if you can block her or anything! John'd know what to do about this.

You take out your GIANT CELLPHONE and start tapping keys.

[greenMachine]

>Call For Help with Leo Laporte John Egbert!

[Aureate]

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Well to answer this question, I should first bring up that it was made from a printed out picture of a solar panel that was colorreversed, combined with a shitty bow and a robot hand. Take from that what you will. If you want a more faux-sciency explanation, then we'll say "It converts darkness around it into pure dark matter, which it then fires out at the speed of darkness i.e. the speed of the absence of light i.e. however it appears on the page. Also we sprinkled some of Rose's wand dust and Vriska's dice sweat into it. I hope that clears some things up!

Oh and it's not a Quincy glove. I'm gonna make a FISTBOWKIND card and show it off in a panel one of these days when we get back to Eq. I promith.

Awesome. So basically... it works like magnets, more or less. :B

[Naristar]

Yes try John or Dave!!!

[Weather Report]

> Equius: Be John reuniting with your loving father.



Right now you are not John, nor are you, by the way, getting any EQUIUS MESSAGES yet, because you are JADE and you HAVE NOT CAUGHT UP WITH WEBCOMIC TIME YET. Your time and Alternian time are SOMEHOW INCONGRUENT. They ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

> Jade: Transition us.



DAD EGBERT finishes up a lovely walk with the FAMILY DOG, DAVIDSON, plus a YOUNG ADOPTED SON in the LADYBUG CARRIAGE, HEARST. Just as he starts to get worried about this rain that's about to be pourin' down, his two other lovely children come running from down the road! What a lovely, lovely family!

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Yes, you are JADE EGBERT! You have a VARIETY OF INTERESTS. You love making ARTS of any and every kind, several of which are hung along the walls of your home with care. You are an ASPIRING PIANIST as well, and sometimes you can be caught making AMATEUR KIDFILMS with your bro John and best bud Tavros, plus the occasional other classmates. However, you're kind of embarrassed when it comes to your movies, so you don't usually request help for them, even from your buddies.

And you'd like to add that you have a healthy interest in some PATERNAL MYSTERIES. You know for a fact that about two years ago, your father lost his job at the toothpaste factory. Yet, after that, he started pulling in more money than ever! He would soon adopt little Hearst, completely out of left field. There's a good many reasons to believe that your dad may be hiding something NEFARIOUS...or completely innocent! In fact, you've made up your mind to go snooping around in his room tonight, because tonight could be the night you uncover the mystery once and for all!

And what'll John be doing? Oh, PROBABLY just reading HOMESTUCK.

...Oh, right. You totally forgot, Andrew's been pulling some weird shit lately and your classmate's in trouble.

.....Aside from all that stuff, you like WATCHING KIDS PLAY COOL VIDEO GAMES and also watching the hit TV show MY PONY. It's a public access show in which people show off their amazing horses in a live studio, and it's sooo interesting! You wish you knew more fans who loved it as much as you do.

When you talk online you go by the name appleDarling and tend to speak in an excited way!

What will you do?

...Ah heck, you already know what you're gonna do!

> Jade: Play with Hearst.

[Mibbs]

papa egbert: be a drug dealer

[Naristar]

Teach herst the wonders of art

[Weather Report]

> Jade: Teach Hearst the wonders of art.



You figure it's been too long since you last inundated your brother with the wonder of ARTS. You do it every so often to try to push him toward life's righteous path. The good one. The colorful one. The ONLY one.

You bring him 'round to the frame hung over the kitchen entrance, 'Darlings for Apples'. It was meant to show how a balanced diet of healthy foods in the food pyramid can positively impact your life and maybe make you a better person?

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Then you go on to 'Horse on the Course', a stunning portrait of a horse you've never met. You purposely juxtaposed the horse' wild, untamed mane with the stunning all-American backdrop to evoke emotional response within the three or four people who would ever see it. The eyes of the horse speak tragedy. Do you respond?

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The next piece is titled 'Great Job Jade! A+!' and is really a framed test you got in first grade. If someone out there can get commissioned to make 'Artist's Shit' or hang a shovel from the ceiling, people will handily fork over dough for a little girl's test scores. You gotta teach Hearst to sometimes be a shrewd businessman if he's gonna make it out there.

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Lastly is a wonderful image simply titled 'Davidson'. Your pet doggie, the eponymous Davidson himself, posed wonderfully for this stunning recreation of his face. It just screams out to you, "Oh! Love me". You would never sell this one for even a million bucks. It's a much better alternative to stuffing and mounting his corpse in a couple of years! Heh heh heh, Chuck Testa popped up in your head. He's so funny.

> Dad Egbert: Be a drug dealer.



You could never be a drug dealer! You're just a hard-working individual with a family to support. This is real life and in real life there are real people doing real good things to raise some actual kids!

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... Is what you want your dad to say, but you're really not sure! You've GOT to decode this conspiracy before things get too dicey and a cap goes up somebody's OH NO!

This crazy train of thought has caused you to drop baby Hearst!

> Jade: Escape into your dad's room.



Though it pains you to do so, you decide to use this as a diversion to sneak into your dad's private room. You've gotta put all this mystery shit to rest before it starts to REALLY bother you--

You are now Feferi Peixes, abdicated empress to be.

[Mibbs]

feferi: render yourself in an even more scribbly manner