I heard the lock moving and I thought it was my roommate coming back, and I was like yay because I missed him and I was bored. Nope, it was my suitemate locking the door to the shared bathroom from the other side.
Soul crushing boredom is boring and soul crushing.
I think I should probably seek psychological counseling or a rehabilitation program or something. Like, some kind of brain-version of physical therapy. But having a (sort of) invisible disability, all of my previous experience with medical professionals makes me think the moment I suggest my problems aren't strictly physical, they'll go back to ignoring empirical evidence and throwing anti-depressants at me.
Which also sort of sucks, because what I've read suggests anti-depressants might help my symptoms in the short term.
So the downstairs shower has been clogged (thanks for installing a wide-vent drain cover dad :I) with standing water for the last two days. Dad leaves a bottle of liquid plumber sitting on the toilet next to it for a day and a half and otherwise ignores it while I keep trying to plunge it. So getting tired of him doing nothing about it, I use the liquid plumber, only for him to come by 20 minutes later and say he's going to fix it. Which upon me asking if it had drained at all yet and explaining, he states its a product that he "literally CAN. NOT. use with liquid plumber, because they react. EXPLOSIVELY."
GEE THANKS WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD SAID NOT TO USE IT OR THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GET SOMETHING ELSE KTHANKS.
This is why I don't try to help with stuff around the house.
angry, disorganized rant time
I am tired of being treated like I am some special snowflake, rare, magical unicorn of WONDERFUL BLESSED TALENT because I am an artist.
Art is a skill. It's a skill just like anything else. I don't just do art by sitting and farting around with a pencil with rainbows shooting around in my head and singing to the birds. I have worked for years to get where I am. And I am still quite far behind. Art takes a lot of learning. A ridiculous amount of learning, and training, and understanding, and patience. It's not just some lovely little thing I do for fun. Don't get mad at me because I have greater skills than you do. I wasn't just handed them. I worked for them. And I am still not content with them. I have much further to go. I don't want to hear bullshit about how I should just shut up and be happy with where I'm at. Fuck you. I want to be better. I am taking this more seriously than you are. THIS IS ALL I HAVE. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE FOCUSED ON.
Please don't take my only skill, my only passion, lightly. Just because you think it's not important, or it's a novelty, or just some cutesy bullshit. I don't even know. I have no idea what's going through your goddamn head. I'm not special. Don't act like I am. Nobody wants what I do. Because it's useless. I'm losing money on this. Losing my life. I don't talk to people, I don't go out, I don't enjoy things because I'm focused on work. I'm focused on becoming a better artist. I don't want to go dick around because I WANT TO DO MY WORK AND GET BETTER AT IT. Practically nobody wants to pay me money for the only skill I have because they don't think it's pretty enough. Since I can't make money on my only goddamn skill, I have to spend my time doing other things. Other things that I'll hate. Things that will go nowhere. And I'll just be even more miserable. Because I'm not possibly unhappy enough.
And I am SO SICK of the fucking catty, competitive bullshit of the art world. Just, fuck off, everyone. I am tired of this. Stop picking fights, spreading gossip, acting like CHILDREN, playing favorites, trying to make your fucking philosophies about what IS and ISN'T art the fucking guide to whatever it is I want to or don't want to do. There's a difference between knowledge and opinion. Quit shoving your bullshit down people's throats because you're just MAD and won't be honest about how you feel and just want to pick fights rather than ACTUALLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO TURN THAT ENERGY INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE OR USEFUL.
whatever i'm just an idiot with a bad temper who turns everything into self-loathing eventually
TIME TO GO CRY TO PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET ABOUT HOW I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE SIMPLE THINGS LIKE DRAWING A FUCKING PICTURE FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN DOLLARS BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF AND EVERYTHING I DO AND I DON'T ENJOY ANYTHING ANYMORE
that's what all this is always about anyways.
Maybe I should kill myself so I can just shut up about this shit already
For what it's worth, I think your art is really nice. I'm sorry society is so terrible to artists. I wish more people would get off their high horses and realize how hard you guys have to work and how much you actually contribute to the world.
Please don't kill yourself :<
Shoot, that is some pretty freakin' sweet stuff. And I guess that while I can't understand why you people who do art (I'm using this in the sense of people who have been doing it for most of their lives) are never happy with your work (all of my friends are also artists and they're always criticizing their work despite it being amazing to me), I will admit that I've practiced like a mother myself at it, and though I don't have any drawing talent at all, I have acquired some drawing skill. Though my stuff doesn't turn out like a retarded scribble, it's still nowhere near the level of people with actual talent who have also practiced a whole lot. I'll admit that you've got yourself a skill that most only like to imagine they have. And perhaps one of the reasons that people take it lightly, is that they have such easy access to wonderful pieces of art (of which they needed nothing to ascertain aside from a few keystrokes and clicks), that anything less than Van Gogh's "Starry Night" is relegated to the annals of mediocrity in their view.
But I digress, the point I'm trying to make is that most people (myself included), can't really relate to the stuff you do. I couldn't imagine the work it would take to do what you do, just as I'm sure you'd find it equally hard to be able to explain the socio-economic conditions that would affect the development of modern Europe, and how they developed in the first place (or at least be actually interested in it).
I guess what I'm saying is, if those douchebags aren't in a position to criticize, just ignore them. To the douchebags that are, tell them to fuck off and that you got better things to do then listen to the opinion of some high and mighty prick.
Also, I find lying to myself usually helps me get up in the morning. But I've also discovered that perhaps, believing in it enough makes it slightly less fake (much like magic). So whilst I invite you to completely disregard my rambling, I would keep a lookout for when the world starts burning, and remember that you were a witness to my ambition (as all soon will be)... Oh well, it's sleep time. Planning world conquest sure does take a lot out of you.
Last edited by deltron zero; 09-11-2012 at 12:57 AM.
Sigh. Student guild elections are on at uni, and if the current megalomaniacs aren't voted out, next year is not going to be good. Especially because the Queer Collective will basically be screwed. I used to think university was a place of intelligent thought, people who actually cared about topics of substance. Turns out the only things most people care about is "cheap" meal tickets, booze and toga parties.
Yeah, the whole "people suddenly become beacons of enlightenment" thing doesn't happen, especially not in the way many people on the Internet seem to believe (which I can sum up by saying "people think everyone in college is going to be a stereotypical Redditor: Liberal, PC to an extreme, atheistic with a disdain for people who are religious, etc.") They're still gonna be people, and you're going to have to deal with that.
Also, if social interactions aren't a thing of substance, I don't know what is. Sure, maybe partying isn't your thing, but you can't just dismiss everybody out of hand.
Also also, how the hell do your college elections actually have power? Basically all the student council type organizations at mine are only slightly less figurehead-ish than in high school, and that's only because in college they get a minor budget they can do whatever the hell they want with.
Maybe the student guild at my uni has quite a bit of power/funding? On one hand, they are capable of holding a very, very large official student guild toga party. As in, attempted-world-record-breaking-toga-party-size large. On the other hand, they are capable of withholding funding from whatever collectives, Queer included, that they don't like.
Hell during my entire tenure there were rumors we'd lose our room and accreditation over the stupidest shit. He definitely has a right to be worried but that just means get involved, to be honest. Try to find out what they will do with the funding.
My college doesn't give students the powers to cut funding from other organizations, since almost everything here is funded by the organization itself, and it seemed similar for other universities, so that is really strange.
None of the universities I went to had a system remotely like that, especially because it would go completely against their general policy of advertising the diversity and number of their clubs. They're almost all self-funded.
I mean, I haven't dated at all, so take this with a grain of salt, but generally I find that it's better just to contact people than wait, because oftentimes they'll forget or procrastinate or whatever.
I mean, yeah, it can be awkward, but at least you'll get to talk to them.
To make matters worse, the guy currently running to head the Gender and Sexuality portfolio next year (fun fact, they combined the Women and Queer portfolios, even though they are completely separate entities that have only a very tenuous connection. The two collectives now get a single vote in official matters to share between them) seems to be running for the position simply out of necessity. He doesn't know anything about the Queer Collective, was unable to answer any questions about the issues we've had this year and got incredibly agitated when questions, doesn't even seem to be queer himself ("I agree with the collective and the values of equality they represent" he said, choosing his words very carefully) and, when asked why he had never been involved with the Queer Collective before now, claimed that it was because he wasn't confident enough to participate before now.
In short, you just got shafted on your representative.
I can't really talk about my other unis as I never got involved beyond voting when queried.
Last edited by Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend; 09-14-2012 at 05:31 AM.
So I've come to the realization that I hate pretty much everyone in the world, myself moreso than others.
Dunno what to do with this.
Neither do I.
I HAVE to blow everything up! It's the only way to prove I'm not CRAZY!