(IC) WorldMerged: If The Cake Is A Lie, We're All Gonna Die!

[Sandvich King]

This is the IC Thread for WorldMerged.
Click Here for the OOC Thread!



> Prologue


Out in the Farthest Ring, a ship sails. One of its passengers keeps a journal.

==>


I cannot believe that my companion and I escaped the destruction of the universe we were in. After months of wandering through space, we decided to return to the site of our old universe, a new one is in its place. We still have a while to go before we reach this new world, yet it is within our sights. My blue companion is as eager as ever to finally get off of the ship, I share his sentiments.

==>


While I am thankful that I am not making this journey alone, I do wish that the rogue and his companions had survived. Not a day goes by that I wish I could see the rogue again, but alas he is gone. Hopefully this universe will contain another heroic young man, one who will prevent this tragedy from repeating itself. All I want out of this new world is some peace and quiet.

> [S]WorldMerged


Please disregard Rongar posts. He has been retconned out of the story.

[Edo Nagori]

>Boy, quickly hurry inside, it is cold out there!
You do so.

>enter name


Your name is Tom Leonard, the nephew of a terrible movie director. You have to put up with his lame fantasy movies since a young age. Because of this, you have grown a distaste for the fantasy genre. Instead, you have a fascination with the more tolerable science fiction movies. You enjoy hearing tales of of badass captains such as Captain Kirk. Or prehaps a story that involves HEIRs to unimaginable powers, such as Luke Skywalker. You just enjoy the prospect of such characters traveling through space, meeting such strange on odd aliens. At least it's more entertaining than a bunch of smelly guys going on homo-erotic adventures in order to dispose of some silly ring.

You have also taken an interest in underworld fantasy. However this is more for the badasses who hunt those monsters down. You actually have a crippling fear of the undead, dreading the night one comes into your household and sucks the life our of you. However, you HOPE to be come an awesome monster hunter, and take on the agents of the night. At the very least, if the undead happened to be fake, you aim to be some type of badass. People say you tend to come off as arrogant or cocky, but you don't think that's true. You just think that you are pretty awesome, and are better than everybody else.

What will you do?

>Pester sciencey friend.

Pesterlog:

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[12:48] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] began pestering aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] at 12:48 --
[12:48] RA: Yo Dian hows it going?
[12:48] AB: Hello Tom.
[12:48] RA: Still experimenting on those creepy dead rabbit things?
[12:48] RA: What has it you called that again?
[12:49] RA: ^was
[12:49] AB: No, of course not.
[12:49] AB: They are very much alive.
[12:49] AB: I just keep the dead ones as reminders of what not to do in the future.
[12:50] AB: And they are giant rabbits. Rabitae Humongus.
[12:50] RA: Yeah whatever, still pretty freaking creepy.
[12:50] RA: Like some weird shit on star Trek.
[12:51] RA: This would make you the episode's villain.
[12:51] AB: I disagree.
[12:51] RA: Because you are acting like a mad scinentist and shit.
[12:51] AB: The science is never evil, its how its used.
[12:52] AB: Im not planning world domination.
[12:52] AB: But on this topic, how are your space-age soap operas?
[12:53] AB: Did they kill off anyone with a significant roll in the crew yet?
[12:54] RA: Like they would ever do that.
[12:54] RA: Jsut a bunch of red shirts.
[12:54] RA: ^jsut
[12:54] RA: ^just
[12:54] RA: Unless your talking about Starwars.
[12:54] RA: I cried over Obi Wan's death.
[12:54] RA: Again.
[12:54] RA: For the billionth time.
[12:55] RA: Manly tears of course.
[12:55] AB: Im sorry for your loss.
[12:55] RA: Because awesome badasses don't cry womanly tears.
[12:55] RA: Alright thanks.
[12:55] RA: Yeah poor Obi Wan's loss was tragic.
[12:55] RA: But we'll move on.
[12:55] RA: Luke will move on.
[12:55] AB: In any case, those shows are all the same to me.
[12:55] AB: So few hours, so many laws of science broken.
[12:57] AB: Name any one "technology" within ad I could quote several reasons why it would never work.
[12:57] RA: PSh, they aren't the same at all.
[12:57] RA: Star wars is a scince fantasy, Star Trek is scince fiction, get it right.
[12:58] AB: I could point out several ways that statement conradicts itself.
[12:58] AB: I shall instead reccoment you a Thesaurus for use at your own liesure.
[12:59] RA: Yeah right, I don't need any lousy thesaurus.
[12:59] RA: The only reading material I need are my Van helsing Novels.
[12:59] RA: But yeah.
[12:59] RA: Those are there Gernres.
[12:59] RA: Don't blacme me for calling them that.
[01:00] AB: I do not blame you for naming them.
[01:00] AB: I blame you for following them blindly.
[01:01] RA: Oh come off it.
[01:01] RA: Any way, my aim is getting much better.
[01:01] RA: I didn't accidently kill a squirrel this time.
[01:01] RA: So that's good.
[01:01] RA: Makes me...
[01:01] RA: ... So much more awesome.
[01:02] RA: So awesome you can't deny it.
[01:03] RA: Those undead assholes won't know what got them.
[01:03] RA: They are like, stalking some transelvanian town.
[01:03] RA: Minding their own buisness.
[01:04] AB: Is this a game or imagination cast upon a squirrel?
[01:04] RA: When bam, out of nowhere Tom Leonard, Monster hunter, shows them whos boss.
[01:04] RA: Shut up.
[01:04] RA: It's totally going to be real.
[01:05] AB: Oh good.
[01:06] AB: Because I haven't heard from Sir Armorbritches about a game like that
[01:06] AB: And I am aware you are in posession of a revolver.
[01:06] AB: Those two facts alone would be quite vexxing to an ordinary individual
[01:06] AB: Lucky for you, I am a "mad scientist" that would care less.
[01:07] RA: Yeah, but I'm Tom Leonard, no need to be worried sweet heart.
[01:07] RA: Wait are you still callnig your dad "Sir" again?
[01:07] RA: Christ you would have thought he'd start letting you call him dad.
[01:08] AB: On the contrary, he implores it.
[01:08] AB: He always had.
[01:09] AB: However, I am against dissolving the professional relationship I have worked so hard to maintain.
[01:10] RA: But he's like your Dad, no need to keep up that professional BS.
[01:10] RA: Just call him dad or something.
[01:10] RA: I mean I don't call Uncle Al sir or anything.
[01:11] AB: I'm quite confident you wouldnt understand.
[01:12] RA: Yeah probably not.
[01:12] RA: Your family is all sorts of weird.
[01:12] AB: There is a bright side to it though.
[01:12] AB: His sucess has given me the tools to fund my own.
[01:13] AB: And when I suceed in my various researches, I should even have enough for my own dedicated lab.
[01:13] AB: Compared with the current situation where I must share it with mindless gaming innitiatives.
[01:14] RA: So instead of having a mini mad scientist labitory
[01:14] RA: your going to have a big one.
[01:14] AB: A very big one.
[01:15] RA: Better not go all Frankenstein up in here.
[01:15] AB: One worthy of a true researcher.
[01:15] RA: If so.
[01:15] RA: Bang bang.
[01:15] RA: -Blows smoke away from gun.-
[01:15] AB: Dont be so naive.
[01:16] AB: Frankenstein was fueled by emotion and lack of foresight that ended in his downfall.
[01:17] AB: If I were to go down the path you suggest, I would have the sense to create defences to take out a small army.
[01:17] AB: And more than enough to blow holes in a single vigilante.
[01:17] RA: Yeah any normal vigilante.
[01:18] RA: Did you forget who we're walknig about here?
[01:18] RA: ^talking
[01:18] AB: Indeed I did.
[01:18] RA: Besides I'm your freind.
[01:18] AB: Perhaps a refreshments stand for when you get tired.
[01:18] RA: I'd just take out that rampaging monster.
[01:19] RA: Hey, are you trying to insinuate something?
[01:19] RA: That I can't take out any high tech defences that you make?
[01:19] RA: This is what I live for.
[01:19] AB: That your siege would be both innefective and persistent, and it would be curtious to leave a snack for when you take a break.
[01:20] RA: Um... Alright...
[01:21] RA: Whatever that means.
[01:21] AB: Sleep on it. You might figure it out in the morning.
[01:23] RA: Alright fine whatever.
[01:23] RA: see ya, don't let anything explode in your face!
[01:23] AB: And dont let anything explode in yours.
[01:24] RA: Alright, glad we are at an understanding.
[01:24] RA: See ya' later.
[01:24] -- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] ceased pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 01:24 --

[Ario]

You are now RONGAR KWARDOS, and you are a POET. Your interests include exploring, writing fanfiction, reading, and writing poems that aren't slam poetry. You aren't very musically gifted in the regard, but you love rock and roll. Other interests of yours include LEGEND OF ZELDZA games, talking to friends, and practicing your sword techniques. You use a sword obviously, as it seems like the most honorable weapon choice, and you put honor before reason more often than you should, but you know when to put reason before honor. Your real reasoning, though, so that you can understand being a swordsman better when you write fanfiction. Online, you are known as wordySwordsman and []--]Your-words-make-your-sword> though you don't put proper punctuation in, as it would make the sword look odd. You don't really have a biased view on the hemospectrum as other bluebloods have told you you should, but you have noticed that the farther away from your hue they are the less respectful they are. To you, at least. You can't say that experiences with those of a lower blood hue of yours have been...pleasant overall, but you still have some friends that low. Oddly enough, it's only seadwellers that will insult you for having a lower blood color than them, none of the indigo or higher blue bloods do that.

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Name: Rongar Kwardo. (everyone calls him Kwardos)
Age: 7 sweeps.
Lusus: Over-sized centipede with re-growing legs.
Trolltag: wordySwordsman
Text/Blood color: something close to this blue
Modus: Poetry (say a quick poem/phrase to retrieve the item. bigger item = bigger phrase requirement)
Specibus: Sword-kind (only one sword, imma limit myself here.)
Title: Knight of Doom
Land: Trees and Sand
Dream moon preference: Derse.

>Rongar: Examine room
[WARNIN: PAGE STRETCHER]

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You look around your room.
You see that your books are in order, your swords are where they should be, and your recent fanfiction pages are on your desk.
What shall ye do-eth now?

[retroScavenger]

> Be the cinephiliac rich girl.



You are now Annie Lawyer. Despite your name, you are not a lawyer. Bigass surprise. You are almost 16, your birthday in a few weeks. You pick up things using the dimensionally transcendental pockets modus your mother gave you as a gift for your third birthday through the mail. Your mother is rich, however you have never met her. She is always off at her work, being a computer scientest or some shit. Your nanny raised you, giving you everything you wanted, except your mother. She is sometimes strict and kind of crazy, which is why you don't really like her, but she has always provided for you, other than the money from your mother. Your mother's room is in your house, but you've never dared to enter. You LOVE every single Television show. You have never really loved a proper human being other than on TV. Lost, Heroes, Doctor Who, The 4400, Psych, CSI: Miami, Law & Order, Misfits, anything! Alright, you take that back. You HATE reality shows. HATE HATE HATE. You will never watch a reality show for all of the money in the world. All of it. You are sometimes called DRAMATIC or told that you are OVERREACTING. Fuck that noise. You don't overreact about anything! Or at least you think you don't? You often think you're more important than you actually are. You even once acted like you got kidnapped just to meet your mom, but your nanny found you before you were able to meet her. You don't even know why she provides for you, if she doesn't even care to talk to you, or see you! It's almost kind of creepy, you think, that your mother is some world renowned computer scientest or something and somehow you have never even seen a picture of her? Your chumhandle is briodeNebuliser [BN] and you kinda go with the flow yo.

> Now get to the good part.



You are indeed ANNIE LAWYER, and you aren't having the best day. You'll get back to THAT story later, but for now, you get on your computer to get your mind off of it. You check to see if any of your friends are online, and then slowly get sidetracked by the previously (and currently) open MUSIC PLAYER. You open it and see all of your favorite soundtracks, from I AM THE DOCTOR, to CHRISTMAS INFILTRATION. From LIFE AND DEATH to ECHOES. From A TALE BEGINS to THE REICHENBACH BALLAD. This is too much, you need a break from it. What were you going to do again? Who even knows. Maybe INSPECT YOUR POSTERS? Maybe RETRIEVE YOUR ARMS? Put your imprints on the TARDIS' internal briode nebuliser? Fly through the MEDUSA CASCADE using six pilots who were obviously untrained and could have killed you, themselves, and everyone on earth? Defeating the daleks, finding The Others, arresting moriarty, finding whoever killed your wife with a car bomb, and-- fuck. You remember. You're going to pester someone! But who to pester. Hmmm... you haven't spoken to Dian in a bit of time, might not give that a try!



-- briodeNebuliser [BN] began pestering aphoristicBloodbanker [AB]--

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BN: sup dian
AB: Oh hello Annie
BN: whats up
AB: Not much.
AB: Im trying to think of a present for Tom's birthday.
BN: oh
BN: oh wait
BN: shit when is that
AB: On the 31st.
BN: that
BN: thats tomorrow
BN: shit shit shit
AB: We can panic together.
BN: i need to concoct something soon
AB: Except I can get him a present almost instantly
AB: And send almost instantly.
AB: All I'm waiting on is an idea.
BN: how exactly do you do that stuff
BN: magicks?
AB: Science.
BN: oh cool i guess
AB: Reguardless, I was considering asking you about televised shows that Tom may like.
BN: hmm
AB: Perhaps Sir Useful Every Now And Then has a game based on said show.
BN: lemme think about it
BN: i personally think he would like The Walking Dead but he said he doesnt want to watch it
AB: It sounds like a cheaply done production with its own plethora of unrealistic science.
AB: Does it have guns?
BN: yes
BN: lots of guns
AB: Its perfect.
BN: maybe you could get him xena or buffy
BN: with all his underworld fantasy shiyet
AB: More zombies?
BN: noo
BN: xena is some amazon woman with fantasy elements
BN: buffy is like vampires and ghosts and werewolves
BN: idk i never got into those two
BN: but ive heard theyre good
BN: both 90s shows tho
AB: I was wondering why the name doesnt sound as grizzled as Tom's other collections
BN: yep yep yep
AB: He might appreciate the moster fiction however.
BN: hmm
AB: I guess I will just have to get him all three.
BN: maybe you could ploop him up some sort of a monster thingy with yer science magicks
AB: I would, but he's made threats of turning should I follow the exploits of his genre's mad scientists.
AB: Not a very pleasing birthday present.
AB: Plus it would involve having him more close to my abode than im comfortable with.
BN: ah got it dog
BN: hmm
BN: in my garage
BN: i found a really great set for making rc shit that my mom had from years ago
BN: maybe i could make him like an rc monster??? i made an rc tardis
AB: That wouldn't be too bad an idea.
AB: Would you like me to send you additional components from my lab for your endeavor?
AB: I might have some spare lazer optics you could use for the eyes.
AB: Low yield; should only lightly singe but not desintigrate.
BN: hell
BN: fuckin
BN: yse
BN: <yes
BN: yes* FUCK
AB: Ill just send them to the box, along with instructions on how to wire them.
BN: awesome
BN: thanks
AB: No problem.
BN: also
BN: any shows you would like to see?
BN: i can hook you up with anything really
AB: No thank you.
BN: oh well
AB: Why fantasize about technology when it is already in front of your hands.
BN: true true true
AB: And I thank you for your consultation for my gift.
BN: no probs dian
AB: May you find luck with your work.
BN: ill try
-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] ceased pestering briodeNebuliser [BN] at 00:36 --

>What do you do now?

That was good, you guess. You need to work on your social skills, though. Hmm.
You'll go put together his present in a minute.

>Be the yellowblood, even though you have no idea what that is.

[CoffeePerson]

==> be the koonducktor



You are now COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE. And you don't feel like introducing yourself yet!!!! You're just going to have to DEAL WITH IT.

What? You want to know what you're doing? It's a concert, shit for brains! And you're the COMPOSER! Well, not really. You conduct an IMAGINARY orchestra. You have these all the time, whenever the MOOD STRIKES YOU. Attendance is at an all time low. No troll has volunteered, partly because the music you write is INCOMPREHENSIBLE. This really hurts your trollish feelings. You just do not see the appeal in concepts like HARMONY or RHYTHM. You used to KIDNAP lots of trolls and force them to play for you. That's in the PAST NOW. Instead you play ALL THE PARTS YOURSELF.

By any standards BUT YOURS, you are TERRIBLE AT IT. Whatever, not like it matters! You put down your baton and pester Raeoch instead.

-- musicalMobocracy [MM] began pestering ragnarokValiant [RV]--

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MM: (@) are yew riting your sexy viking fanfikshun again??? >:o
RV: Oh, hey Aevι
RV: nαh, I'm drαwιng rιghτ nσw
RV: dσn'τ αsk
RV: whατ's up?
MM: (@) you kan't tell me two not ask!
RV: reαlly τhσugh, I dσn'τ even knσw /whατ/ I'm drαwιng
MM: (@) pffahahahahah!!! >:D
MM: (@) yew don't even know?
MM: (@) now that iz RANDUM
RV: ...ιτ's frσm τhe dreαms
RV: :P
RV: ι've τσld yσu αbσuτ τhe dreαms, rιghτ?
MM: (@) im in thee middul uf a concert but nobudy fucking showed up again!!
MM: (@) yea i know abowt those
MM: (@) so tell mi again >:)
RV: σh rιghτ yσur cσncerτs... um, where dιd ι sταrτ lαsτ τιme
MM: (@) my beeyootifull KAYOTIC masturpeeses!!
MM: (@) oh, yew wur at the clowds
RV: sσme peσple cαn'τ αpprecιατe beαuτy, ι guess. rιghτ, τhe clσuds
RV: τhατ's whατ ι'm drαwιng
MM: (@) there are a lot of 'sum' peeple, hmppppppfff
RV: ι guess ιτ wαs sιnce lαsτ sweep- lσng τιme αgσ nσw. dσn'τ reαlly knσw whατ hαppened buτ ι sτσpped hαvιng nσrmαl dreαms
RV: ιτ wαs jusτ α brιghτ cιτy σf gσld
RV: fιlled wιτh σdd whιτe peσple- wαsn'τ reαlly dαy, persαy, jusτ brιghτ
MM: (@) gold!? why didnt yew say sow? then i wud half been moar interusted
RV: hαhα yσu αnd gσld. τell me αgαιn αbσuτ gσld, MM
MM: (@) ey'm an expert at gould!
MM: (@) gold is the wunderous thing that the highbluds are all hogging like nooksuckers!
MM: (@) i don't need to own enny two know et's power
MM: (@) the kause of all the stupideety in alterneeya!!!
RV: whατ's τhe deαl wιτh τhe gσlden αpples, τhσugh?
MM: (@) ohhhhhhhh
MM: (@) well i gess i kud tell yew
MM: (@) shhh, now kwiet down!!!
RV: crescendσ?
MM: (@) *taps kunductoors baton*
MM: (@) calandow!! >:o
RV: heh, I'll be gσσd
MM: (@) gud, gud

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MM: (@) the opening akt is my ancestor, she sweeps en lyke a balerrinah
MM: (@) CHAOS! DISCORD! MAYHEM!
MM: (@) et's anarchik goldfate!!
MM: (@) the highbluds run skreeming because she haz apeered with gold!! such gliterring prettie bright goooold
MM: (@) shure enuff, whenevr sumwun accepts her riches they wind up ded!!
MM: (@) nobudy knows her sekrit
MM: (@) but she spread her KAOS with goldin apples ----> (@)
RV: ι guess τhατ fιτs, hm?
MM: (@) if yew are greedy and dont oonderstand that MAYHEM rules the univurse, yew die in yore piles of preshus gold >:(
RV: nσ gσld fσr me, τhσugh
RV: ι dσn'τ need ιτ
MM: (@) duh, rae you are way two smart four that!!!!
RV: whατ?
RV: why wσuld ι wαnτ 'αll τhe gσld ιn τhe wσrld'?
MM: (@) yur my moiyrail, uf course yew aren't that dumb >:)
MM: (@) it's obbvius you don't want it
RV: hαhα, I'm nστ sαyιng τhατ yσu're wrσng ,:P
MM: (@) all the gold en the wurld doesn't keep yew from the grips of CHAOS
RV: chασs jusτ τends τσ keep ιτ σuτ σf my hαnds, τσ be hσnesτ, MM
MM: (@) it wud be kind of nice two have an ablooshun chambur that doesn't plug up though... >:?
RV: bluh, I cαn ιmαgιne
MM: (@) the lowbud gutturs are the wurst!!!!
MM: (@) tell me moar abowt your goldin sitty of white trolls, ferst
RV: τhατ's τhe τhιng
RV: ι hαve nσ ιdeα whσ σr whατ τhey αre
MM: (@) no!!
MM: (@) mayk it up
RV: hαhαhα
RV: ι guess τhατ's my jσb αs τhe wrιτer, huh
MM: (@) is it?!? i'm in the mood for wun of yore silly tales
MM: (@) hurrey, keep riting slave!! >:D
RV: αbσuτ τhe cιτy... hmm
RV: ιτ's α prσper cιτy fσr τhατ mαττer. shιnes lιke α sταr wιτh α deep glσw yσu cαn feel everywhere. αll τhe ιnhαbιταnτs αre whιτe- nστ lιke rαιnbσw drιnkers σr αnyτhιng, τhey're jusτ whιτe, αlmσsτ lιke α lusus
RV: ιτ's seτ αbσve α whσle ιn τhe sky, where τhe clσuds cσme frσm
RV: τhατ τhιng feels τσ me lιke everyσne's dreαms αll ατ σnce- τhe peσple τhere cαll ιτ skαια
RV: τhere's sσme prσphecy σr sσmeτhιng αbσuτ ιτ... αnd ι keep seeιng sτuff αbσuτ me ιn τhe clσuds, memσrιes, ι guess
MM: (@) did yew push any of the whiteys over??? where is the kliymax?
RV: ι τhιnk ι sαw yσu τσσ
MM: (@) me?!? >:o
RV: yeαh yσu
MM: (@) this story all uf a suhden got sixtee tymes more inturresting!!
RV: ι τhιnk... yσu hαd α gσlden αpple. yeαh, τhατ wαs ιτ. yσu were smαshιng ιτ αgαιnsτ sσmeτhιng αnd τhen τhe clσud pαssed
MM: (@) eye will let yew bee the mayne charakter though, so you shud thank me
MM: (@) i am cauzing CHAOS as usual >:)
MM: (@) that iz very liek me
RV: hαhα, wσuldn'τ ιτ be kιnd σf hαrd fσr yσu τσ hιjαck my dreαms τhσugh
RV: buτ τhere's sσ much sτuff ιn τhe clσuds, sweeps wσrτh, ι've fιlled jσurnαls wιτh ιτ
MM: (@) yew are taking these dreems more seriuslee then ushual, rae
RV: ι knσw
RV: τhey jusτ feel... dιfferenτ
MM: (@) i almost beeleeve you!! its amazing
MM: (@) yore getting bettar at this, ahahahaahaha!!!
RV: well τhαnks fσr τhατ, αeιv! ι suppσse τhey'll pαss ιn τιme, buτ ατ leαsτ ι cαn geτ α few sτσrιes σuτ σf τhem
MM: (@) well they aur juhst dreams
MM: (@) it is not liek they will come reel anytym soon
RV: hm
RV: yeαh
MM: (@) buuuuuuuut i guess being delusional is bettur then nothin!! you are nevur boring at leazt, not lyke swordsdouche
MM: (@) suhwordz swords swourdss sords swwords
MM: (@) it's the sayme thing always
RV: hαh, calhad's fιne, reαlly. yσu jusτ geτ bσred wιτh hιm τσσ eαsιly
RV: ι'm prσbαbly dιsτrαcτιng yσu frσm yσur cσncerτ τhσugh
MM: (@) but he dusnt evin spell swordds more then wun way! >:o
MM: (@) for sumthing he luvs that is a trageh-dy
RV: well nστ everybσdy hαs yσur 'αppuls', αevι
MM: (@) it is stiyl so stupeed and sad
MM: (@) it mayks me so sad that eyme going to play a sonnet of death for him!!!!!!!!!
RV: sσ lσng αs ιτ ιsn'τ α sσrd...
RV: swσrd sσnneτ? hmm
MM: (@) maybe i will play it weth a sord tew
MM: (@) ching clang sweesh
MM: (@) it will be too beauyooteeful for hiz ears!! >:)
RV: yσu'll drιve hιm αwαy ιn frιghτ, yσu wιll
MM: (@) ahahahahaha what a grubby
MM: (@) ta ta sweet dreams
-- musicalMobocracy [MM] ceased pestering ragnarokValiant [RV]--

==> obtain musikaul sword-strument



Your mysteryKind MODUS is frankly a piece of dog crap. Usually it is a LOT OF FUN to use, but in functional terms it is worse then just leaving all your stuff on the floor. Which you do. You are sure you have a sword-shaped object somewhere in this mess. Time to go dumpster diving, bitches!!! This mess is totally part of your CHAOS THEORY and has nothing to do with any of your less savory character traits!!! You like to collect INTERESTING LOOKING JUNK and put it in your hive. Your tell your lusus not to touch ANYTHING. She's a VENEMOUS PLATYBUS (yes she is part transportation vehicle, dumbass!!), who is quite a CONDESCENDING HAG. She's a total KNOW-IT-ALL.


==> rediscover your sanity



Woah!!! It's your LONG LOST SANITY. You were wondering where that went! You toss it, since it's not what you're looking for.



==> okay, who the hell are you?




CHAOS! MAYHEM! DISCORD!

It's your thing. Your name is AEVISS ORTUVI. You go by AEVI though because it's waaay more random! You idolize RANDOMNESS and like to point out that the universe MAKES NO SENSE. You work to bring ENLIGHTENMENT to the masses, and to prove to them how the universe REALLY WORKS. (Purposelessly, duhhhh.) You call this the CHAOS THEORY but really it is your excuse to do whatever the hell you want. You carry on the legacy of your ANCESTOR who was practically a GODDESS when it came to chaos. The story that you were told is that she used GOLDEN APPLES to spread chaos across Alternia.

You are FLIGHTY, COY and you aren't keen to EXPLAINING YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING. You are also kind of SCATTER-BRAINED. You often decide to switch from KISMESIS to MOIRAILS to MATESPRITS with no warning. While your true feelings are not that erratic, you are trying to make a STATEMENT with your act. The quadrant system is TOTALLY BOGUS.

As a LOWBLOOD you were not given ideal real estate. You live in an AREA known for being POOR, DESPERATE, and particularly BLOODTHIRSTY. Yes, the INFAMOUS LOWBLOOD GUTTERS. There is a 97% robbery rate in your neighborhood and the CULL RATE is SKYHIGH. You fit right in. Your LANDLORD charges you an arm and a leg for living there. For some trolls, LITERALLY. You like to FLARP as CHAOTIC NEUTRAL. (Duhhh.) Nobody can guess what you're going to do next!!!! You do not care for the BLOOD CASTE much, really. It is not that you are against the BRUTAL OPPRESSION of the lowbloods. You really do not care. At all. It is just that the SOCIETAL ORDER it provides is all a sham. It creates ORGANIZATION in a random world! It's not NATURAL.

You haven't figured out your PSYCHIC POWER which is a source of ENDLESS DISAPPOINTMENT for you. You love GOLD and how shiny it is, but all of your piles of gold have been unsurprisingly, and repeatedly stolen. You will find them, just you wait…

[Sandvich King]

> Stop being the crazy troll girl


You are now no longer the crazy troll girl. In fact, you are now this (relatively) sane human boy. What is your name?

> Enter Name


Your name is Will Davis. You live outside of a rural town in southern Illinois. One of your interests is gardening. You like to grow plants, mainly corn, and consider yourself to have a bit of a green thumb. You would be doing that right now if it was not THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING WINTER. God you hate winter. When you are confined inside, you like to watch movies. You have a soft spot for really old ones, but that doesn't mean the newer ones are bad. Any kind of monster movie is cool too, even if it's cheesy. The same goes with video games. You like retro ones, but you'll still play the newer ones every once in a while.

Another one of your major interests is in Dinosaurs. You never really grew out of thinking they were awesome. All kinds of dinosaurs are cool, big and small, carnivores and herbivores. Unfortunately you'll probably never get to see one due to their regrettable extinctness attribute. You wish you could have observed them during their time.

> Will: Cut to the chase and pester a friend


-- rusticRaptor [RR] began pestering briodeNebuliser [BN] at 19:31 --

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RR: What's up Annie?
BN: uhh
BN: nothin much
BN: makin a present for tom
BN: you kno the drill
RR: Yeah.
RR: I really gotta finish mine.
RR: I got till tomorrow though. We live in the same state, so the mail's not a huge issue.
RR: So, learn any sweet facts from your TV-and-everything-else watching lately?
BN: not really
BN: just watching comedies and whatnot
BN: nothing sci-fi or fantasy lately
BN: except the occasional doctor who
BN: but ive already seen them all so
RR: Reruns aren't too bad. Unless they love showing certain episodes over and over and over again.
BN: i watch em on netflix and illegally and the extra ones i saved on my dvr
BN: so i kinda get to choose so thats nice
RR: Sure is.
RR: So, what was it you were getting Tom?
BN: i was going to make him a little rc monster or something
BN: he seems to like dark fantasy monsters so maybe a werewolf or something
RR: Darn. I was thinking of something like that.
RR: Well, it's better that I know.
RR: The worst thing I could do is get him the same thing.
BN: hm yeah
BN: you could get him like a book or something
RR: Maybe. A book doesn't sound cool enough though.
BN: idk
BN: you could write a story for him
RR: I want to get the dude something awesome.
RR: I'll think about it.
RR: So, are you psyched for the big SBURB session?
BN: like totally!!!
BN: and i dont usually use punctuation
BN: so you know im srs
BN: like super srs
RR: For you that means you are totally fucking serious.
BN: yep yep yep
BN: ive even got a huge sticker up on my wall for the game
RR: I got a poster on mine.
BN: awesome bro
RR: Did you get your disks yet?
RR: Preorder's supposed to arrive in the mail today. I got my copy already since my mom works at Skaianet.
BN: i ordered them
BN: i havent checked outside yet but
BN: i intend to soon
RR: Well good luck
BN: yeah B)
RR: So you you know what the hell the game's about?
BN: actually
BN: now that i think about it i dont
BN: im guessing it has something to do with houses
BN: cause of the logo
BN: and its "lifechanging"
BN: i never trust those kinds of reviews though
RR: My mom works for the frickin' company and she's been keeping it secret. Says she's not on the main dev team, but she somehow managed to get me a copy early.
RR: As for reviews, Game Bro called it shit. That just makes me want to play it more though, since Game Bro's simply the worst there is.
BN: my mom is a computer scientest and i would ask her about it but i cant talk to her so
RR: And I thought my mom didn't talk to me much...
BN: eh at least i have my nanny
RR: How long has it been since you saw your mom? Do you even remember the last time?
BN: actually no i dont
RR: weird...
RR: Well, nanny's good. I'm sure she's nice.
BN: yep she is pretty nice
BN: little overprotective
RR: Yeah. Parents and guardians can both be like that sometimes.
BN: i guess
BN: how bout your parents
BN: or parent
BN: how are they him her
RR: Well I've never had a dad. Not one I knew anyway.
BN: oh
BN: how bout a mom
RR: She's... Mostly normal.
RR: Works a lot, kind of secretive about it, but she's not crazy or anything.
RR: So, back to SBURB, are you and Tom starting first?
BN: uhhh i donno
BN: if he wants to
RR: Did you pester him about it yet?
BN: not quite yet
RR: You might want to soon. The big day-before-Tom's-birthday game session is like our second present to him or something.
RR: I hope he remembered to preorder...
BN: cool cool cool
RR: If we can get the game set up, I just hope we can get Dian in on it too.
BN: probably
BN: from the bit ive heard about the game
BN: its really complicated and intricate
BN: she kinda likes those things
RR: I'll pester her about it in a bit.
BN: have fun w/ that
RR: I'll make damn sure she joins us.
BN: lol
RR: I'll get to it asap.
RR: Guess I'll see you when we start playing.
BN: yep yep yep
BN: bye
RR: Later!
-- briodeNebuliser [BN] ceased pestering rusticRaptor [RR] at 20:24 --

> Will: Worry about Tom's present

You would, but you're suddenly too busy being someone else!

[Ross_Varn]

>Be the Greenblooded Dreamer



You are now RAEOCH VASMIT. You have a fascination with ANCIENT TROLLIAN CULTURE. In fact, you don't know anybody else who knows as much about it as you do. Mainly because your friends think that you're MAKING IT ALL UP. They’re actually RIGHT. After all, there were no NORDIC VIKINGS in the history of ALTERNIA, although according to your writings, there totally WERE. As such, you spend a lot of time WRITING fictional stories about these ancient lands, to the point of where you’ve totally confused most of the people you show these pieces to. Besides that, you spend most of most of your time on NICHE WEBSITES where you create vast worlds on which to virtually ROLEPLAY with others. Again, you just really, really like MAKING STUFF UP, although you prefer to call it DEVELOPING WORLDS, thank you very much. Your hive has many a JOURNAL and MAP to back this claim up, and you’re ready and willing to smack down a new PROJECT based on an idea you just had at any given MOMENT of the NIGHT. Although being bugged about it multiple times, you never really went for that FLARP stuff, unless it was to RUN the GAME and make it interesting. You don’t anger easily- more manipulative trolls find it difficult to put you under their MENTAL SWAY, to the point of it being nearly impossible. You have NO IDEA why this is, because it certainly doesn’t reflect on your attitude- you’re NOT STUBBORN and are generally IN A RATHER UPBEAT MODE.

>Examine Room



...yeah, this place is kind of a mess. You'd clean it if anybody ever came up here, but there's never been a reason for that. Most if not all of your friends are from the deepweb, except for one or two of the neighbors. Right now, you've got notes from your dreams scattered all over the floor- most of which seem to correlate with those old ruins outside of your hive that you've been investigating recently. Maybe it's gone deeper into your think pan than you had thought? You don't know, but it doesn't make for good writing material, which is odd for your dreams at least.

Speaking of which...

>Pester the Bard



You boot up your old husktop. It's a model that went out of style when the company making it got culled. What you're wondering is if Aeviss on Trollian... You pull up the window and ask her about the game.

-- ragnarokValiant [RV] began trolling musicalMobocracy [MM] --

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RV: yσu're reαdy wιτh τhe gαme tonιghτ, rιghτ?
MM: (@) what if i'm nawt??? whut then? >:D
RV: well τhen
RV: ιτ's nστ sσ much chασs αs ιτ ιs yσu mιssιng σuτ σn τhe fun
MM: (@) oh
MM: (@) well then eye am reddy!!! duhhhhh
MM: (@) but nobudy is reddy four this gayme
RV: heheh, ι fιgured
RV: hm?
RV: σh, rιghτ, yσu're cσnvιnced ιτ'll αll end ιn τeαrs
MM: (@) eye am naught juhst convinced
MM: (@) evurrything turnz too CHAOS eventualy
RV: αnd yσu're excιτed αbσuτ ιτ
MM: (@) et is the only inevitabul konklushun, rae!!!
RV: Well, ατ leαsτ we knσw yσu're gσιng τσ hαve fun!
MM: (@) oh, all the fun >:)
RV: ιτ shσuld be cσσl τhσugh. hσpefully τhe cσde dσesn'τ mαke σur huskτσps explσde σr sσmeτhιng
MM: (@) while thaht wud bee totally RANDUM and UNEXPEKTED
MM: (@) fuqq that!!!!
RV: τhen whατ's τhe dιsαsτer yσu'd τhιnk wσuld hαppen when we bσσk up τhιs gαme, αevι
MM: (@) all the pawssibilties for KAOS woud be killed off beefour it gawt to really live!!!!
MM: (@) how layme
RV: αw cσme σn, whατ's τhe wσrsτ τhατ cσuld hαppen
MM: (@) eye doen't know!!! that is thee fun uf it
MM: (@) nobudy knows!!
RV: yeαh τhατ's τrue, defιnιτly
MM: (@) if we knew, that wud be thee opposit of KAYOTIC
RV: wιτh σur luck τhe wσrld wιll end fιve mιncατes αfτer we sταrτ τhe gαme, τhσugh
MM: (@) that does seam two be the trend >;)
MM: (@) stawp being such a worry waurt!!!!
MM: (@) we will juhst roll weth it, lyke the bosses we aur
RV: hαhα, yeαh. σh well, we'll hαve fun!
MM: (@) duhhh waht half i bean saying?
MM: (@) i half my grubs, they aur sumwhare in mai room
RV: σh.
RV: um... yeαh, gσσd luck fιndιng τhem τhen
MM: (@) my sylladex iz nawt enny easier to get what i wunt out of
MM: (@) it wud be a huge payne in the ass if i aktually cared!!!
RV: yeαh, I knσw, ιτ seems lιke yσur syllαdex ιs legendαry
RV: seems τσ fιτ τhσugh
MM: (@) i am playing lyfe on HARD MODE
RV: ...ι τhιnk calhad hαs α pσem σr τwσ σn τhατ
MM: (@) who knows when aye loose??? >:o
RV: pssh
RV: yσu're τhe σne τσ hαve α σne up lιfe sτuck sσmewhere ιn yσur rσσm
MM: (@) pahaha, calhad haz a poem four his luzus's belly buttun lint!!
RV: ι'm nστ τσuchιng τhατ σne
RV: lιτerαlly
MM: (@) so et is not liek it evun matturs!! >:D
MM: (@) noooooooo
MM: (@) touch it! touch et!
MM: (@) wimp
RV: ...calhad's lusus's belly buττσn lιnτ?
MM: (@) tendurly
MM: (@) yew know yew wunt two
RV: σh deαr
RV: yσu're ταkιng nστes αren'τ yσu
MM: (@) ore am i???
RV: well, ι'm nστ τhe psychιc σne
MM: (@) gud point!!!
RV: well, ι've gστ sσme sτuff τσ dσ befσre τhe sun gσes dσwn αgαιn
RV: fιnd τhατ gαme, αevιss!
RV: heheh
MM: (@) but evun i doen't know them yet, sow toooo bad, pahahaha!!
MM: (@) it's sumwhere
MM: (@) eye'll find yew, game! >:)
RV: gσσd- ταlk τσ yσu lατer
RV: byeee

-- ragnarokValiant [RV] gave up trolling musicalMobocracy [MM] --

-- musicalMobocracy [MM] began trolling ragnarokValiant [RV] --

MM: (@) if i don't mayke it, tell cawlhaed i think his sord is shiney!!! >:o

-- musicalMobocracy [MM] gave up trolling ragnarokValiant [RV] --

-- ragnarokValiant [RV] began trolling musicalMobocracy [MM] --

RV: ...whατ
MM: (@) juhst say it!!!!
RV: um
RV: yσu meαn calhad?
MM: (@) yus!! yew know i luff embarussing you <>
RV: blαh! αevιss!
MM: (@) i am halping yew on yore soshul skillz
MM: (@) ahahahaha
RV: ι'm nστ τσuchιng τhατ σne eιτher
RV: gσσd dαy!

-- ragnarokValiant [RV] gave up trolling musicalMobocracy [MM] --

bluuuuh your morail is so bad. You're glad she got the grubs, though... If it weren't for what you've been dreaming of, you'd have never picked this crew to go for this game. But the dreams already proved themselves a few times, it seems. Feels weird following scraps of your imagination on wild-goose chases into the future, though. It's like some sort of crazy unintelligible double reacharound or something. Hm. You still need to contact Calhad and Tyranr, see if they got the game as well.

====>

You pull up Thoth to check on your recent piece of worldbuilding literature. There are a few people that keep tabs on your work on the Deepweb webfiction page, maybe you got a few hits on it. Oh, Thoth has an update. The log goes on about "improved access, less ~ath, apocalyptic browser survivability". One of those arcane lengths of agreement term documents is up under it. You just shrug and hit accept. Who expects anybody to read those, anyway? It just covers the stuff that's written into law, and Webfiction United has always been on top of that... wait.



How many views does your submission have?

That can't be right. That's not possible. There is no way that many trolls would decide to read your crappy world-building essay-

You stop yourself. You have a rather common ARTIST'S COMPLEX, as well, at that. It's very, very hard to convince you that your work is any good. But- that's ridiculous. 2,400 views...

You numbly close Thoth and step back from the husktop. The curtain catches your eye as it moves silently, drifting as a draft stirs it.

>Look Outside

You step to the window and draw back the curtain.



The wind picks up a notch- not hard enough to strip the hills of their hidden mists, but with the touch it takes to keep the blinds billowing out to shield your room from the oncoming sun. The breeze and the lightening mist on the horizon signal that blazing beacon's arrival, as if they march as heralds to the one true king's oncoming caravan, and yet the stars still shine forth in the vault of space, as if defying the omen of their faded brilliance. The wind is simply a reminder of that call. It's been a few lonely days since you last saw the sunrise, and for what danger it brings, it's dawning spectacle is not one to leave sight unseen. But duty beckons, it's lonely way turning yet again with the tides and the moons, and what they call this odd token of friendship has does set its' sights on your time. You are not tired. You have not been tired for a long time. But you still have that feeling, as if it was on the forefront of your vision, barely stepping out of view into the corner of your imagination when you turn your gaze upon it- you have the feeling that it's going to be a long-winded day.

"Spirit of the lake and seas and rivers,
Bear only perfumes and the scent
Of healing herbs to just men's fields!" - Troll David Thoreau

There's your lusus- she's flying home, probably from chasing some wild dragon lusus off. You should probably do like you told Aeviss and go plug that grub in. Tyranr will be waiting. Eventually.

[MasterBlade]

====> Don't be the last but not least person.



A young girl stands in her... oh, wait a second.



Much better! A young girl stands in her room/ laboratory. She is currently 16 years old, and as a requirement for any adventure, needs a name. What shall we call her?


====> Dwarf Mc...



...right, onto the real name then? Please don't hurt me...



It seems as though your name doesn't fit into the size constraints. Would you like to extend them?

AB: Its fine. Professionalism is top priority.


Very well.



Your name is DIAN MARTIN, daughter of a successful video game designer and tycoon. You were born with EXTREME DWARFISM and are shorter than most of your friends. This GENETIC FLAW has inspired you to pursue the studies of ESOTHERIC SCIENCES. You hope to someday figure out what makes you SO GOGDAMN SHORT and DISSAPEARIFY the gene codes responsible. In the meantime, you practice ECOBIOLOGY on bunnies to figure out how to MAKE THEM LARGER. This has nothing to do with your scientific goal and you in fact do it for fun.


====> Examine shelved experiments.



You've preserved several of your earlier experiments in ectobiology as reminders of how far you've come, as well as the mistakes that got you there. The two on the top shelf were deformed beyond recognition, and in no way resembled the host bunny you appearified paradox slime from. However, after months of perfecting the process, you ended up with the third. He was an exact copy of your dear Aunt's pet rabbit... down to its time of expiration. All of your newer subjects have longevity matching up to your own so you'll no longer have to deal with loss.


====> Examine the 4th experiment



THIS IS WHY WE DO NOT APPLY GIANT BUNNY GENES TO OURSELVES IN AN ATTEMPT TO FIX OUR HEIGHTS! It was a good thing you thought to make a paradox clone instead of applying the procedure directly to yourself, else who knows what would have happened. You keep it by your bed as a reminder of what not to do in hopes that it will sink into your subconscious and never do something like it again.

...and it STILL ended up short!


====> Examine lab station



This is the place where you plan out many of your ectobiology experiments, as well as partake in other fields of research. In particular, you've been messing with samples of blood to gather gene sequences of normal people to compare with your own. The samples in the smaller vials are from your various internet chums which you were able to gather in small amounts with your appearifier while they slept (what they don't know wont hurt them). The large beakers are samples from your dad, whom is more than large enough to "donate" more than the recommended amount. These too were taken during sleep, though that was because he was too afraid to get pricked by a needle.



You are interrupted from your thoughts by a person you had been meaning to talk to. This saves the trouble of seeking him out later.

[10:44] -- rusticRaptor [RR] began pestering aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] at 22:44 --

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[10:45] RR: What's up Dian? How are those freaky science rabbits doing?
[10:46] AB: Growing bigger by the generation.
[10:46] AB: This latest one is practically as big as the rug in the foyer.
[10:46] AB: Ive named him Nibbler.
[10:47] RR: Sounds like something my mom would name a bunny if we had one.
[10:47] RR: Heh.
[10:47] AB: And how's your mother's research going?
[10:47] AB: Does she give you any details of the project she moved you over there for?
[10:48] RR: I think it's going fine. Not really any of my business.
[10:48] AB: Wish I could find out what she did. She could give me pointers on my own.
[10:48] AB: Or maybe me to her.
[10:49] RR: All I know is that it has to do with that sort of slime biochemistry do do with the rabbits.
[10:49] RR: And something else about windows...
[10:49] RR: Hell if I know.
[10:49] AB: Ectobiology dear.
[10:49] AB: And the other sounds like Fenestrated Planes.
[10:50] AB: Not my kind of work. Nothing fun with fixed portals between locations.
[10:50] AB: Too predictable.
[10:51] AB: Though I am interested in her implications if she intends to combine the two.
[10:52] RR: That ectobiology stuff you do sounds real tricky.
[10:52] RR: Not up my alley
[10:52] RR: Unless there was a way to clone a dinosaur with it.
[10:52] RR: That'd be sweet!
[10:52] AB: Oh dont be silly.
[10:52] AB: Of course there is.
[10:53] AB: No harder than cloning a bunny.
[10:53] AB: Just got to appearify from a time gap of several million years.
[10:54] RR: Appearify? What is that? Some kind of time teleporter?
[10:54] AB: Time and space.
[10:55] AB: Its very advanced. Could never have afforded it without Sir Game Maker's investments.
[10:55] RR: Those kinds of things exist? Holy shit! Why hasn't everyone heard about them?
[10:55] RR: It is some top-secret technology that only Skaianet has?
[10:56] AB: Again. Very advanced, very expensive.
[10:56] AB: And yes, partially exclusive.
[10:57] RR: Welp. You just got me interested.
[10:57] AB: He managed to get an in with Skaianet by helping them develop a game simulator.
[10:57] AB: He's hosting their servers in the eastern wing.
[10:57] RR: Ah.
[10:57] RR: And by game are you talking about SBURB?
[10:58] AB: Oh yes. Sir Overzealous hasn't shut up about it since he finished it.
[10:58] AB: Honestly. I fail to see the appeal.
[10:58] AB: I can send you a copy if you want.
[10:59] RR: I know Game Bro is slamming it, but that's practically a GOOD sign.
[10:59] RR: Nah. I got my own copy already.
[10:59] RR: Nice thing about having a parent working at skaianet is that you don't need to order by mail.
[11:00] RR: Mail never comes on time around here.
[11:00] AB: I can imagine.
[11:00] RR: It'd be nice if mailmen were a bit more dedicated.
[11:00] AB: Mail is a rustic service that is soon to be outdated after appearifiers catch on in major institutions.
[11:01] AB: Until then we shall hold our patience.
[11:01] RR: On some planet, somewhere, I'm sure there are mailmen who would work through the apocalypse to deliver stuff.
[11:01] RR: But yeah
[11:01] RR: Till your tech catches on we gotta rely on ol' fashoined snailmail.
[11:02] AB: Tis a shame, but it could be worse.
[11:02] RR: Yup.
[11:02] AB: So did you want to see how this appearifier worked?
[11:02] RR: Uhh
[11:03] RR: Sure. Can you test it now or something?
[11:03] AB: Look at your desk.
[11:03] AB: See the film reel?
[11:03] RR: Yeah...
[11:03] RR: But how do YOU see it?
[11:03] -- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] dissapearifies it from the desk --
[11:04] RR: Holy...
[11:04] RR: How the hell? Was that you who did that?
[11:04] AB: It is science that did that.
[11:04] RR: Damn...
[11:05] RR: I really gott ask my mom about that stuff.
[11:05] RR: Consider me interested.
[11:05] AB: Its an interesting science to be sure
[11:05] AB: Glad to see some people intrigued by it
[11:05] RR: You just teleported smething out of my room!
[11:06] AB: Oh yes, you'll probably want that back...
[11:06] RR: I don't know anyone who would just say "meh" to that.
[11:06] AB: Those that read too much fiction and not enough fact.
[11:07] -- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] appearifies the reel onto the side table --
[11:08] AB: But of course, that would only be the easy part of the science.
[11:08] AB: Things get a lot more complex into things that are much more alive.
[11:08] AB: But that falls into the boundaries of ectobiology and not appearification.
[11:09] RR: So It'd be harder to bring ME to there?
[11:09] AB: Impossible actually
[11:09] RR: How's that?
[11:09] AB: It would cause a paradox in the timeline to move someone who can interact with time and space.
[11:09] AB: The machine takes precautions against it.
[11:10] RR: So what does it do instead?
[11:10] AB: As a backup precaution it appearifies a paradoxial clone instead
[11:10] AB: Which is immediately decintigrated into slime.
[11:11] RR: Weird.
[11:11] AB: Would be extremely painful if it were a living creature.
[11:12] AB: However, it is from this paradoxial technology that I could create a dinosair in this era of time.
[11:12] RR: Sweet.
[11:12] AB: Which I believe you are more interested in hearing, yes?
[11:13] RR: I think I'll just ask my mom about the rest, actually. She can actually show me, whereas you can't bring me there to show me.
[11:13] RR: That is, if she diesn't have to keep it secret.
[11:13] RR: doesn't*
[11:13] RR: whatever
[11:13] AB: Tis better to see the machines than the result.
[11:14] AB: So much potential when used in the right hands.
[11:14] AB: Unlimited.
[11:14] AB: Just need to find the right person.
[11:14] RR: Good to know.
[11:15] AB: It seems our conversation will have to end here. Nibbler is getting hungry.
[11:15] RR: My mom's in the lab atm, so I'll ask when she's done.
[11:15] RR: Alright.
[11:15] AB: Its a priorety when your pet can eat more than mere wires when unfed...
[11:16] RR: Right. Go feed your mutant rabbit. I'll go do something else till I can start SBURB with Tom and Annie
[11:16] -- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] ceased pestering rusticRaptor [RR] at 23:16 --

That conversation didnt end a moment too soon. Its just about time to feed your latest experiment, and you wouldn't want him to get hungry.



Nibbler gets a bit destructive when he's hungry...

[Ario]

> Kwardos: Go outside.
You were just planning on doing that anyway, you are expecting a package from Rae to be arriving soon.
You have to be there to get the package, blood messengers are VERY serious about this point.
Not like you'd be somewhere else, anyway.
You swear these guys would deliver packages even if meteors came coming down...
Hey, there's a dragon!
That's probably the blood messenger!

==>
He lands his dragon and walks up to you with a package.
You then converse with him.
BM: RONGAR KWARDO. PACKAGE FOR YOU.
WS: []--]Okay>
WS: []--]Here-is-my-signature-since-I-assume-you-need-it>
You sign the paper he hands to you.
BM: I NEED A VERIFICATION, YES. CAN YOU VALIDATE THE SENDER.
WS: []--]Yes>
BM: IT SAYS RAEOCH VASMIT HERE. ARE YOU EXPECTING A PACKAGE FROM THIS TROLL.
WS: []--]Yes>
BM: EXCELLENT.
WS: []--]And-I-know-the-package-contains-a-game>
BM: THAT WILL BE ALL, THEN.
WS: []--]Pleasure-doing-business-with-you>
He puts the package down and puts the paperwork in his bag.
BM: DO CONSIDER THE BLOOD MESSENGERS THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A DELIVERY, RONGAR KWARDO.
WS: []--]I-shall>
He then casually mounts his dragon and flies off into the night.
You pick up the package and return to your hive.

> Open it!
You see no reason to do this yet, for the game has not started!

[Edo Nagori]

>Tom: get pestered by freind

Oh it looks like another chum is bugging you. You GUESS you should go talk to them.

Pesterlog:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[05:30] -- briodeNebuliser [BN] began pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 17:30 --
[05:30] BN: sup tom
[05:30] RA: Oh hey, nothing much.
[05:30] RA: Just delt with wil Dian.
[05:30] RA: Christ can she get hard to talk to sometimes.
[05:31] BN: yep with all that cryptic sciency wiency stuff
[05:31] RA: Pretty much.
[05:31] RA: She creeps me out with that bullshit.
[05:31] RA: Any way what's been going on with you?
[05:32] BN: a lot actually
[05:32] BN: oop i forgot to tell will about what happened in my house
[05:33] RA: Oh what happeend?
[05:33] RA: You can tell me if you want.
[05:33] RA: If it's anything undead I'll be right there.
[05:33] RA: Bang bang
[05:33] BN: its kinda a long story but ill tell you and its not undead
[05:33] RA: Alright, sure.
[05:33] RA: Go ahead.
[05:33] BN: okay it all started last night
[05:34] BN: my sburb copy was supposed to be here then and it probably was
[05:34] BN: i went down to get it and my nanny stopped me and told me to go to bed
[05:34] BN: idek why the mail was delivered so late last night
[05:34] BN: but anyways
[05:34] BN: i went to bed
[05:34] BN:
[05:34] BN:
[05:34] BN:
[05:34] BN: or so she thought
[05:35] BN: i opened up my window and climbed down the ladder some landscaper left outside my house
[05:35] BN: i was ready to get it and everything
[05:35] BN: down at the mailbox
[05:35] BN: when suddenly a car shoo-d by and hit something
[05:36] BN: i was distracted and went to check on the driver
[05:36] BN: and when i got there
[05:36] BN: there was no driver
[05:36] BN: only
[05:36] BN: ZOMBIES
[05:36] BN: jk
[05:36] BN: a huge ass dog
[05:36] BN: and i ran inside quick and went to my nanny because that mothafucka was rabbid
[05:36] BN: and she started to call animal control but the phone was kinda broken so
[05:37] BN: after that we both ran to my room and the dog kinda scratched through my door
[05:37] BN: after it left my nanny locked my window kinda permanantly i guess
[05:37] BN: and now i have a huge scratch on my door
[05:37] BN: and she doesnt trust me
[05:37] BN: poof that was a long story
[05:38] RA: Juesus chist!
[05:38] RA: ^Jesus.
[05:38] BN: yupp yupp yupp
[05:38] RA: Whot the hell leaves a fucking rabid dog in their car?
[05:38] RA: Seriously, that's messed up!
[05:39] BN: thats my question
[05:39] RA: well i guess it's good that your alright...
[05:39] BN: what im guessing is they picked up the dog to look for its owner and it made the driver crash
[05:39] BN: but idek where the driver went
[05:40] RA: Shouldn't be too hard to find the driver.
[05:40] RA: I mean seriously.
[05:40] BN: i looked all around the car
[05:40] RA: Guy was probably bleeding all over the place or something.
[05:40] RA: Really?
[05:40] BN: yep
[05:40] BN: and he couldnt have gotten that far
[05:41] RA: Probably not, unless...
[05:41] RA: You know a vampire could have escaped with no problem at all.
[05:41] RA: Those fuckers are slippery.
[05:41] RA: Yup I'm pretty sure that we are dealing with one of those undead blood suckers.
[05:42] RA: No need to fear Annie sweetie, I'll be on the job.
[05:42] BN: my hero
[05:43] RA: Ha ha you bet.
[05:43] RA: Any way speaking of Surb...
[05:43] RA: I'm guessing you dont have your copy?
[05:43] BN: not quite
[05:44] RA: Christ that sucks.
[05:44] RA: I think mine might be coming in the mail today.
[05:44] RA: Maybe...
[05:45] BN: you should be if you preordered it
[05:45] RA: Yeah I preordered it a while ago...
[05:46] RA: When was the release date again?
[05:46] BN: uhhh
[05:46] BN: today
[05:46] BN: for preorderers
[05:46] RA: Alright, cool, I thought that it came out a few days ago, and mine was lost in the mail.
[05:46] RA: Kinda' weird you got yours last night.
[05:46] BN: it was like 12:00 am
[05:47] BN: i shouldve said this morning
[05:47] RA: Bluh don't be technical about that shit.
[05:47] RA: Still night if you ask me!
[05:48] RA: Those blood suckers and werewolves dont care.
[05:48] RA: Do you think you'll be able to sneak out and get it?
[05:49] RA: It's kinda' boring playing games by myself.
[05:49] RA: I mean seriously!
[05:49] BN: ill try but no guarantees
[05:49] BN: i really want to play it though
[05:50] RA: I see, I'm sure you'll be able to sneak past that broad and get the game.
[05:50] RA: Hey you said you talked to Will, right?
[05:51] RA: Or something about not telling him about that fucking dog.
[05:53] RA: Hey, are you there?
[05:54] RA: Hellooooo?
[05:54] BN: yeppers
[05:54] BN: checking outside the window to see if my nanny is here
[05:54] RA: I see, is she there?
[05:54] BN: not that i can tell
[05:54] BN: but also yeah i did talk to will
[05:54] BN: i forgot to tell him about the dog tho
[05:57] RA: Oh sweet, did get get Sburb too?
[05:58] RA: ^he get
[05:59] RA: Just kinda' want to know, if you talked about that shit.
[06:01] RA: Still checking for your nanny?
[06:02] BN: actually no I was attempting to fix the scratch
[06:02] BN: i failed
[06:02] BN: i know he ordered sburb but im not sure if he has gotten it ye
[06:02] BN: t
[06:04] RA: Oh really?
[06:04] RA: I guess it would be cool playing with te guy.
[06:04] RA: Oh shit.
[06:04] RA: Sorry I have to go now.
[06:04] RA: The cat is being needy again.
[06:04] RA: Fucknig Romana!
[06:06] BN: ah
[06:06] BN: cats
[06:06] BN: they get hungry pretty easily from what ive heard
[06:07] RA: YEah you bet they do.
[06:07] RA: Alright, I gotta' go.
[06:07] BN: oh
[06:07] RA: Talk to you later.
[06:07] BN: go it bro
[06:07] BN: bot it
[06:07] BN: GOT IT
[06:07] BN: SEEYA
[06:07] BN: caps
[06:07] -- briodeNebuliser [BN] ceased pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 18:07 --

> Tom: go feed this stupid cat.


Oh but she isn't stupid, she's just dumb, there's a difference. This adorable little kitty is named Romana, and she belongs to your uncle. He's really fond of her, and takes great care of her, but sometimes the little rascal finds her way into your room. Not that you mind at all, she's sort of become your side kick. You couldn't imagine kicking undead butt with out her around! She's probably hungry right now, you should go get her some food, and maybe check if Sburb came in the mail. But first you'll need some protection, in case shit gets reals.

>Tom: Grab revolver.

Oh yeah, you feel like you can take on the entire world with this baby. The entire, fucking, world.

>Tom: Fire gun in random direction like a badass

BANG BANG

====>


====>

Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

[Plush Von Plush]

>Be the EMPEROR.

What? No.

No. Fuck no. One of the reasons you are the emperor is that you take orders from NO ONE. You decide your own destiny. You have the power to shape it. You will be the emperor when you fucking feel like it—no sooner, no later. Because it is your choice.

>C’mon man, you’re late already.

Being late is fashionable, I am led to believe. Also, that is not the proper way to address me. I suggest that you accept your vastly inferior status, otherwise it may end badly for you.

>…Emperor: FEEL like being the Emperor.

You now feel like being the Emperor. This is perfectly acceptable, as you are the Emperor. Duh.



Hold on, you also need to turn on your theme song.

Your name is TYRANR KAEZAR, a troll of around 7 sweeps, and you are the FUCKING EMPEROR. Unlike many of the pathetic, insecure females that preceded you, you are BORN TO LEAD. Your natural INTELLIGENCE and SUPREME TACTICAL MIND are only one of the many parts that make you the greatest leader to ever grace the PATHETIC PLANET of ALTERNIA.

As soon as you came into office, you TOOK CONTROL OF YOUR EMPIRE, by no longer delegating all of your paperwork to lower trolls. You do it all YOURSELF. And you FUCKING LIKE IT. Really. Stop staring. You hate that.

AMBITION is firmly STAMPED OUT among all who follow you. This has caused some of the seadwellers to get quite nervous, and you have recently thwarted several ASSASINATION ATTEMPTS. It was easy, with your web of contacts, spies, and in that one case with the toaster, DUMB LUCK. Not that you would ever admit it.

You FIRMLY BELIEVE in the concept of AUTHORITARIANISM , and enforce it with your iron fist. Your armies march across the lands, swarm across the seas, and have even began to set up a MOON COLONY. Well, tried. Something WEIRD happened. You’re still not quite sure. It sometimes bugs you.

Anyways, you are the GREATEST CONQUERER EVER, so it is a shame there is nothing to conquer. Sweeps before, there was BLOOD, AND IRON! You long to live in the distant past, if only so you can SMITE IT. SMITE IT, AND LAUGH.

Your LUSUS is, of course, GL’BGOLB. She’s OKAY. To be honest, you really don’t give a SHIT about the Empress, other than ENVYING her. Able to explore new lands and make them submit. But even though you do have a PSYCHIC CONNECTION with Gl’bgolb, you obviously don’t have any others. You’re a FUCKING TYRIAN BLOOD. Idiot.

>Tyranr: Look around room.

Ahem.

>Emperor: FEEL like looking around room.

It is your will, and it shall be so!



Oh yes. A room fit for an Emperor. It is of course, dominated by a large throne that doubles as a control center for your Empire. This is because it faces a giant computer screen on the opposite wall. You keep everything on that computer. Everything.

Well, everything except your FLARP character, who by the way, is the most badass troll ever. You based him off of an old book you found detailing the lives of the greatest conquerors. Natrollian, Trollius Caesar, Trollixander the Great… but the one that stuck out the most had one of the shortest entries. Simply listed as “The Autocrat,” it appeared he almost dominated the globe before a mysterious death. After this, Her Imperial Condensation seemed to become dominant.

Anyways, he’s a class called a Fightmeister, and he beats the shit out of everyone. One corner of your room is dedicated to a massive spreadsheet you use to keep track of all his stuff. All of it. You spare no expense when it comes to FLARPing. If you can’t do any actual warfare, this is the next best thing.

You also enjoy such strategy games like Trollhammer 40k. Another part of your room is a large table where you keep all of your miniatures. Despite buying everything available, you don’t really have anyone to play with. Not that you care.

>Emperor: Feel like ending this long winded description, and get to some fucking paperwork.

You would do that, but right now you are admiring your statue. It is so shiny. It glitters. It is gold, which for some reason is a restricted substance. You ignore the SHIT out of this rule. You love gold. Glittery.

…Anyways, some fucktard is pestering you. You might as well do this while you do the paperwork. Efficiency, efficiency. Good god, you are so awesome.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- musicalMobocracy [MM] began trolling chargingCrusader [CC] at 18:38 --
CC: <[Who^the^fuck^is^this?]>
MM: (@) aur you reddy to be trooooololololollled?!?!?
CC: <[Ah,^a^test^of^my^courage,^FUCKTARD.^I^see.]>
CC: <[Go^ahead,^FUCKTARD.^]>
MM: (@) yew don't sound lyke it!!!
CC: <[What?]>
MM: (@) maybe ill cum back laytur when yoo aktually are!! >:o
CC: <[Seriously,^who^the^fuck^are^you?]>
CC: <[I^am^almost^positive^that^I^never^met^you^before.]>
MM: (@) it dusn't take enny courage two be trowlled, dumbass
MM: (@) and we have meht
CC: <[I'm^the^Emperor.^I^am^immune,^STUPIDHEAD.]>
CC: <[And^I^doubt^that,^IDIOT.]>
MM: (@) durhhhhhhh, that iz such a laeeeme ex-kyoose!
CC: <[No,^it's^true,^IDIOT.]>
CC: <[And^seriously,^what^do^you^want?]>
MM: (@) cutting two thee chayse, aur we?? >:)
CC: <[Apparently,^MOTHERFUCKER.^It^does^not^behove^an^Em peror^to^be^sidetracked.]>
MM: (@) B-hoove is a fun wurd
MM: (@) such stoopid silly highblud vocaboolarry
CC: <[Huh?^Oh,^you're^still^here?]>
MM: (@) just say it!!
CC: <[I^was^pretty^sure^you'd^left^by^now.^Whoever^you^a re.]>
MM: (@) just admit yew have nuthing two do bettar then to taulk to me
CC: <[I'm^actually^doing^a^lot^of^paperwork^right^now^wh en^I^chat^with^you.^It^helps^me^concentrate,^WORM.]>
MM: (@) its Aevi, by the waaaay >:)
CC: <[Nope,^MORON.^Not^ringing^a^bell,^OH^STUPID^ONE.]>
MM: (@) not a seengle?????
CC: <[Wait,^MOTHERFUCKER.]>
CC: <[Is^your^name^Raeoch?]>
MM: (@) geez, yore memory iz barkbeast shit!
MM: (@) wrong, fucko!
CC: <[No^idea^then.]>
CC: <[Whatever.]>
MM: (@) nise gess though, ahahahahaha
CC: <[Why^are^you^bothering^me^again?]>
MM: (@) bekause im so flushed four yew!!
MM: (@) ohhhh snap
MM: (@) pay attenshun and pity mi allreddy >:(
CC: <[Why^would^I^do^that?]>
CC: <[You're^really^boring,^WORM.]>
MM: (@) no yew
CC: <[I^suppose^I'm^beyond^your^comprehension,^MORON.]>
CC: <[I^mean,^I'm^not^exactly^expecting^intelligence^fro m^a^lowblood.]>
MM: (@) aur you going to reesort to luzus jowks?????
CC: <[I^don't^really^do^jokes,^MORON.]>
CC: <[No^time.]>
MM: (@) i think yuu are! i think yew aur!
MM: (@) let's heer wun
CC: <[An^Emperor^walks^into^a^bar,^OH^STUPID^ONE.]>
CC: <[And^then^he^burns^it^to^the^ground,^being^the^Empe ror,^MORON.]>
MM: (@) did the baur mayke aye BANG?
CC: <[No.^He^burned^it,^OH^STUPID^ONE.]>
MM: (@) pahahaha, that wusn't funney at aul
CC: <[Wait,^MOTHERFUCKER.]>
MM: (@) im reely disuhpoyn-ted yew know >:D
CC: <[Who^are^you?]>
MM: (@) screw you!!!!
MM: (@) the sayme kweshtun ovar and ovar
CC: <[No,^really.]>
CC: <[I^don't^know^who^you^are.]>
MM: (@) viva la KAOS, fish fucker!
MM: (@) see yew at LARP >;)
CC: <[Goodbye.^Whoever^you^are.]>
MM: (@) haw haw! vvvvery funneey
-- musicalMobocracy [MM] gave up trolling chargingCrusader [CC] at 19:03 --

…Yeah. You know, it would be really funny if you were just messing with this chick, but you aren’t. You really have no idea who she is.

Actually, she’s already fading from your memory.
Fading…
Fading…
Fading…
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand gone.

>Emperor: Feel like being pestered by another asshole.

You would never feel like that, numnuts! You have no TIME for that!

But sometimes it happens anyways. Fucking machines. You order them, and you order them, yet they never do what you say. Unless you like, learn computer programming, you figure this is going to happen forever.

…Due to the rage these thoughts bring, you try not to think them too much. It's not good for your remarkably high blood pressure.

>Emperor: Feel like PESTERING another asshole.

That, you will do gladly. You needed something from this asshole anyways. He’s the Knight in your FLARP party, and you are pretty sure he makes all his own weapons and stuff. You buy yours. They are so much better.

...You sort of envy him because he made the stuff himself. But you would rather chop off your bone bulge than admit it.

Well, time to dive into the dank depths of disrespect and annoyance. This troll should have been culled long ago.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- chargingCrusader [CC] began trolling wordySwordsman [WS] at 16:27 --
CC: <[I^have^need^of^you.]>
WS: []--]What-is-it>
CC: <[I^have^recently^become^aware^of^the^existance^of^a ^+3^trident^of^smiting^at^the^FLARP^shop.]>
CC: <[My^gold^is^sufficent^to^buy^it,^WORM.]>
WS: []--]Then-why-bother-me>
CC: <[However,^I^need^something^to^actually^use.^You^cre ate^weapons,^correct?]>
WS: []--]I-do-not-make-spears>
WS: []--]I-make-swords>
CC: <[Damn.]>
CC: <[Your^lack^of^skills^disgusts^me,^FUCKTARD.]>
WS: []--]Honorable-swords>
WS: []--]You-would-never-understand-honor>
WS: []--]Oh-insulting-one>
CC: <[Well,^perhaps^you^could^direct^me^to^someone^moder ately^more^useful.]>
CC: <[And^honor^is^of^no^use^to^an^Emperor,^STUPIDHEAD.]>
WS: []--]An-emporer-the-people-will-agree-with-would-have-honor>
WS: []--]But-i-do-not-know-of-anyone-who-make-spears>
CC: <[Why^do^the^people^matter?^They^did^not^spend^most^ of^their^life^studying^tactical^manuvers^and^how^t o^crush^their^enemies,^FUCKTARD.]>
CC: <[Also,^you^really^are^useless.]>
WS: []--]You-just-wait>
WS: []--]When-you-implae-yourself-with-your-spikes>
WS: []--]I-shall-laugh-and-dance-on-your-grave>
CC: <[One^more^remark^like^that,^and^you^will^be^getting ^a^visit^from^the^imperial^drones.]>
WS: []--]Unless-they-bury-you-at-sea>

…You know, you aren’t really sure what that means, but you think it’s an insult.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

CC: <[Very^well,^IDIOT.]>
CC: <[I^shall^fill^out^the^required^paperwork.]>
CC: <[I^look^forwards^to^your^imminent^demise.]>
WS: []--]And-I-shall-look-foward-to-yours>
WS: []--]As-well>
-- chargingCrusader [CC] gave up trolling wordySwordsman [WS] at 16:33 --

Wait. Hold on.

>Emperor: Feel like pondering meanings of cryptic insult.

…
…
…
…
…
Oh.

He was just referring to the fact that you’re a seadweller. How silly of you. Not that you like to be reminded. I mean, all the other seadwellers you met are ungrateful, scheming bastards with no other motivation than a giant ego. Unlike you.

Anyways, you actually had the paperwork filled out to cull this sucker for years. All the members of your FLARP party, actually. They are so annoying. Killing them would be beneficial to troll society.

So, why don’t you?

…Hmm.

>Emperor: Feel like being alone now.

Damn straight. Be someone else, who is probably MUCH less awesome than you.

[Ross_Varn]

>Gather your Gear

Usually your Guesture Modus is pretty much empty, but there are a few things you carry when you decide to start venturing about the hive.



There's your SABER, of course. You don't usually sleep with it, unlike some trolls you know. It's more of a matter of having more than ample time to prepare if someone decides to attack your hive than it is naivety, though. You walk back over to your desk and pull it out of it's corner, assigning it to your Strife deck.

====>



Hmm, your journal and pencil, the pendant, the azimuth that you pulled out of the ruins what feels like an age ago, and your husktop. You have one more spot, although you place the husktop in the most convenient position. It's best for today, the crew is probably going to keep trying to talk to you.

>The Pendant

You switch over to the pendant and pull it out of your inventory with a few deft strokes.



...yes. The pendant. It's scribed with a strange circular pattern. And it was from an... old friend.

You guess this is a weak feeling, as they say. But you don't really care. For what it matters, after all, sadness doesn't seem to fade with this kind of memory, and you're not dragging it to the surface now.

>What of the King



You should probably talk to Tyranr. He's most likely lost in his paperwork again. You stash the pendant and pull your husktop out, forgoing the three steps it would take to get back to your desk in order to lean against your recuperacoon.

-- ragnarokValiant [RV] began trolling chargingCrusader [CC] --

show spoiler

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RV: hey τyr. yσu reαdy fσr τhe gαme?
CC: <[Yes,^MOTHERFUCKER.^Absolutely.]>
CC: <[By^the^way,^I^have^a^question.]>
RV: fιgured sσ, cσσl
RV: gσ αheαd
CC: <[Do^you^have^the^core^rulebook^suppliment^Demons^an d^Demigods?]>
RV: σh nστ τhατ gαme, ι meαnτ τhe σne ι senτ yσu
CC: <[The^one^that^was^supposed^to^challenge^me?]>
CC: <[And^you^really^should^get^the^suppliment.]>
RV: τhe σne τhατ we're gσιng τσ plαy αs α grσup
CC: <[It^has^an^optional^quest^available^where^you^can^g et^a^+4^Ensnaring^Net^of^Smiting,^WORM.]>
RV: αnd yeαh ι hαve τhe supplιmenτ, ι fιgured I cσuld chuck Lσrd Thαnατrσαch ατ yσu guys ιf yσu decιded τσ sταrτ αcτιng up
RV: :D
CC: <[Excellent.]>
CC: <[I^will^attempt^to^install^the^game^posthaste.]>
RV: buτ yeαh ι τhιnk ι τσld yσu ιτ wαs suppσsed τσ be chαllengιng
CC: <[Just^let^me^check^my^mailbox,^OH^STUPID^ONE.]>
CC: <[I'm^sure^its^in^there.]>
RV: σf cσurse
CC: <[I^look^forwards^to^a^further^increase^in^my^power.]>
CC: <[Good^day.]>

-- chargingCrusader [CC] gave up trolling ragnarokValiant [RV] --

Well, at least he has it. This really could go either way- you guess it'll depend on how those two are feeling today.

>And the Courier?

Calhad, on the other hand...

====>


====>

show spoiler

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-- gallantHidalgo [GH] began trolling ragnarokValiant [RV] --
GH: ---- What ho and good eventides to thee My Lady!
GH: ---- I am returned from lands yonder!
RV: Cαlhαd! Hσw gσes ιτ?
GH: ---- Splendid!
GH: ---- I could recount to thee many tales of my journeys around these fair lands
RV: yσu knσw I'm αlwαys wιllιng τσ heαr τhem!
RV: ιτ's gσσd τhατ yσu've gσττen bαck when yσu hαve- we're αbσuτ reαdy τσ geτ σn wιτh τhe gαme
RV: speαkιng σf whιch, dιd yσur pαckαge αrrιve yeτ?

====>

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GH: ---- Game? Is this another one of thy merriments of make believe?
GH: ---- I'll say it again I am terribly sorry about what happened that other time
GH: ---- I just assumed thy actions were in full earnest
RV: αny clσuder wσrτh her seαsσnιng knσws hσw τσ bluff her wαy τhrσugh αn upseτ, αnd ι'll be hσnesτ τhe lσσk σn τyrαnr's fαce when yσu knσcked hιm σff τhe sτατue wαs τσταlly wσrτh ιτ
RV: buτ nσ, τhιs σne ιs σn yσur cσmpuτer
RV: dιd yσur grub mαke ιτ τσ yσu? I wαs αssured τhατ τhe messenger wσuld geτ ιτ τhere, buτ-
GH: ---- Aye, a most fiersome messanger
GH: ---- He assailed me riding a dragon with giant wings that blotted out the two moons
RV: ...σh deαr
GH: ---- Fear not, twas a bloody battle but it ended with me claiming thy gift victoriously and unharmed
RV: ι guess τhey deαl wιτh τhατ σfτen enσugh, αs lσng αs yσu've gστ τhe grub
RV: seems lιke ταkιng dσwn τhe blσσdy blσσd messenger ιs α bιτ σverkιll, buτ whατ αm ι sαyιng

====>

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GH: ---- Ah, well, I was not able to get a dragon head to mount upon my wall
GH: ---- The foe did abscond
RV: Ah, rιghτ
RV: Well enσugh, hαve yσu τrιed τσ run τhe grubs?
GH: ---- Nay, I merely assume the critters will do what is asked of it when the time comes
RV: σkαy, σkαy
RV: ι'm suddenly αll wσrrιed αbσuτ αll τhιs fσr sσme reαsσn, buτ ιτ'll gσ well
GH: ---- Ha, what real danger could such a game pose?
RV: nαh, nστhιng, ι'm jusτ geττιng αnxισus
GH: ---- Fate favours the body my Lady
GH: ---- Bold I meant to say
GH: ---- Thy hath my word that I will undertake this game with the same fervour I would if I were say
GH: ---- to brave an abandoned hive and slay a lost lusus guarding his dead masters belongings
RV: lσsτhιves αnd lususes, τhατ's α gσσd gαme
RV: αlrιghτ, ι'm gσιng τσ geτ everyσne else reαdy, keep α flαp σpen αnd we'll geτ τhιs gαme σn τhe rσαd
GH: ---- Very well
GH: ---- And later we must exchange tales of my exploits and thy stories of these kings of vie
RV: verιly! ι'll lσσk fσrwαrd τσ ιτ
GH: ---- Fare thee well Raeoch
-- gallantHidalgo [GH] gave up trolling ragnarokValiant [RV] --

>Be the out of touch noble


You are now CALHAD CELLOT, a member of the blueblooded GENTRY. You have just returned from adventuring across the lands of Alternia plundering abandonded lairs, slaying FOUL BEASTS, and rescuing damsels and dons in DISTRESS. Or at least that's how you see it. Granted OCCASIONALLY a lair tuns out to be someones hive, a beast a lusus, and a distress more of a minor kerfuffle. You don't let that get in the way of a good TALE and know that it's the journey that's important. After all your exploits are heavily inspired by CHIVALRIC ROMANCE NOVELS which you know almost by HEART. They are full of STAUNCH knights proving themselves worthy of the QUADRATIC LOVE of more dainty trolls who they know only at a distance.

They are slightly OLD FASHIONED but frankly you think good old values are what the world needs. Your hive, for example, you light with PRIMAL FIRES not electricity. You like to hunt your own meat and throw large feasts for special occasions. Your hive is in no state to host such an event right now though. You've been away for too long and creatures have gotten in to make a mess. And it wasn't exactly the most structurally sound castle when you first designed it for the builder droids. That rickety rope bridge earlier was a later addition.

You have no interest in these humdrum chores of maintaining your hive.

You're sure any exciting story would simply skip them and come back when you're finished.

[Sandvich King]

> Will: Pester Tom


-- rusticRaptor [RR] began pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] --

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RR: What's up Tom?
RR: Kill any monsters lately?
RA: I killed something....
RR: What was it???
RA: She wasn't a monster though.
RR: ...
RA: She was a dear companion and a close freind.
RA: Don't worry, it wasn't Dian.
RA: ... Yet.
RR: shit...
RR: what happened?
RA: Well I sort of picked up my revolver, and fired in a random direction, killing Romana.
RA: Dian was kind of a bitch about it though.
RA: Saying that it was her time or something.
RR: seriously?
RR: that's no way to talk about the death of a cat.
RA: No it isn't.
RA: Especialyl since I'm kind fo fucked when Uncle Al finds out about this.
RR: Oh god. I sorta remember when my mom's old rabbit died.
RR: I was little
RA: Oh really? You never told me about that.
RR: And it was old and died of natural causes
RR: But mom was still sulky for over a week...
RR: Wait, that doesn't help...
RA: no.. It kind of doesn't...
RA: Can we just not talk about this!
RR: sure dude
RA: I remember Annie said something about you pre-ordering Sburb or something.
RR: I got my copies already.
RR: What about you?
RA: I haven't checked the mail.
RA: I was planning on checking that shit out soon though.
RA: Before... You know...
RR: Well I hope you got it. I know if I had to wait for the mail to get mine it would be all day. Luckily my mom works at skaianet.
RR: Mail's fuckin slow out here...
RA: I see, thank god she works for it then.
RA: I really should check that shit out.
RA: But before hand, Dian reminded me that it's my birthday tomarrow.
RA: So, did you get me anything dude?
RR: Don't worry. I got you covered.
RA: Alright good, thanks man.
RA: Any way I have to go.
RA: You're gonna' play Sburb with me, right?
RR: Sure am!
RA: Alright, see ya'
RR: Didn't you and Annie agree to start first?
RA: Yeah, I think we talked about something like that....
RA: Shit I can't remember.
RR: It's fine. I'll join once you start.
RR: Just let me know when the session's going.
RA: Alright.
RR: Well, good luck getting your game.
RA: I really need to get going now though.
RR: Later dude!
RA: See ya!
-- rusticRaptor [RR] ceased pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] --

====>


Well that didn't go well. And you sort of lied there. You DON'T have his present. You must have screwed up the dates and thought his birthday was in two days instead of one. You'll have to send it today, and you don't even have something ready yet! Or maybe you do...

====>


You open up the closet and sure enough the GREEN BOX is still there. This thing was a birthday gift from one of your friends at school who knew your interest in monster stuff. This thing in particular isn't up your alley, so you never bothered opening the thing inside. Tom, on the other hand, would love this kind of thing.

====>


It kind of seems like cheating as far as birthday presents go, but a gift is a gift. You ARE sending him something that belongs to you that he would like. You reseal the box and make a new label. He will never know.

> Captchalogue the box


You stow the box in your sylladex using your EGG modus. You also take a HAT from the closet for no reason in particular.

Your modus works by encasing captchalogued items in "eggs" on the cards. You cannot access the item or its captcha code until it "hatches." Lighter items will hatch much sooner than heavier ones. This means that the HAT will become available before the BOX does.

> Head out


You grab your phone first. You can't just leave yourself un-pesterable.

> To the lab!


Now it's time to get this thing sent. If your mom really works with the same transportation technology as Dian just demonstrated, it might mean a trip to the lab is all it will take to get it to Tom instantly. You can even be back in time to join the SBURB game.

Your mom's lab is a short walk down the road, so you'd better get moving. You don't feel like walking through the house, so you are taking this other door. It leads directly outside onto the BALCONY over the porch.

[CoffeePerson]

==> ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar



Hell no!!!!!!!!! You live on HELL MURDER STREET. TROLLSLUM GHETTOS, remember? And when trolls are calling a place a ghetto, you know it's bad. This time of night is particularly bloodthirsty. Actually, all the hours are bloodthirsty. Did you mention bloodthirsty? You've got no time to trade death threats with your neighbors. You all greet each other with stabs. It's just a neighborhood tradition. Most of the LUSCII act as GUARD DOGS and protect their troll's TERRITORY.

You hear a SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM in the distance. Ugh, it is so noisy where you live! Can't all these trolls die a little quieter? The empire has totally given up on maintaining your neighborhood, and as a result it's gotten even shittier lately. Sucks to be you!


==> RETRIEVE ARMS



Oh what, THESE? These are your NEIGHBOR'S ARMS. He tried to SLIT YOUR THROAT while you were in your RECUPERACOON. Sneaky bastard. You got him though. You're not sure if he's still alive or not, but he's probably missing these!!!! Bah, he didn't need them. That's what he gets.


==> get bored enough to message the other players

Nope, you don't feel like it, narrative voice! But you have a plan in motion to throw a wrench in the connection chain. Not because you're feeling malicious towards your moirail who organized it all, but you have a bone to pick with TYRANR. He's in your FLARPING group, and he completely blows you off EVERY TIME you interact. He's so CONFIDENT that his little MONARCHY will keep him at the top!!! AS IF!!!! You are definitely not playing the way he wants it!!!

You have decided that you and the fancy pancy blueblood KALHUD are going to get this show on the road. The idiot is known for terrorizing any FLARP session he finds because he keeps mistaking them for the REAL DEAL. You totally support his misguided quests for these reasons.


==> keep searching for SGRUB grub




Oh, BLUHHHH. You can't believe you left this just lying around, even though it was underneath a bunch of other stuff. Embarasssssssiiiiing.

[MasterBlade]

====> Do sciency things



You have been working on sciency things for the past few hours actually. In particular, you have been crafting a present for Tom using your knowledge of ectobiology. That is in the box. The egg next to you is an extra from your recent ectobiology shenanigans. As you can't sendificate a living creature, you had to create an embriotic state in its life cycle so you could send the egg. That required making a paradox clone of a several million year old dinosaur. But you feel the end result will be more than worth it to Tom.



Pastlog:

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-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] began pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 22:46 --
AB: Tom. I require your knowledge of the differences between Star Treks.
AB: I will not tell you the reasons for this, but I can assure you it is not for myself.
RA: U-um alright...
RA: I-i kinda just killed romana cat.
AB: Im sorry for your loss.
AB: Do not blame yourself. Death is a natural thing.
AB: Ive had my fair share of experiments die. The pain will fade in time.
AB: How did she go?
RA: I shot her with me revolver...
RA: By accident of course!
AB: Im not sure whether to mourn your unfortunate accident or amuse myself with the irony of it.
AB: For your sake, let us assume mourning.
AB: You followed your path of grit and glory only to find the loss associated with such an undertaking.
AB: And for that, we mourn.
AB: At the same time, we see the hero's true threat isnt his foe but instead himself.
AB: And therein lies the irony that both of us can wreck the same havoc on the world.
RA: Yeah... yeah whatever you say.
RA: I'm still kind of upset about it.
RA: Fine what did you want to know?
AB: That can wait. I think you need to talk this matter first if you are to be of suitable mental condition for your birthday.
RA: Oh yeah, that's tomarrow, isn't it?
RA: Fine we can talk about this all you want!
RA: You and your psycho BS.
AB: Now I know you are feeling upset but thats no excuse to confuse my field of study.
AB: Psychology isnt even a real science.
AB: Yet at the same time I find myself wishing I had paid more mind to it earlier
RA: Alright, so then what is it your trying to do here?
AB: At the moment, try to use my knowledge to console your loss.
AB: So what is it that hurts you so much about the sudden passing, besides the innitial shock?
RA: Well, I guess she was a nice cat...
RA: Also, Al really liked her.
RA: He loved that damn thing.
AB: How long did you have the cat?
RA: About ten years I guess.
AB: Then she has clearly lived the golden years of her life.
RA: I guess...
RA: I still feel kinda shitt about doing it.
AB: Past the age of 10, your cat would have slowly faced several bodily lailments from failing vital organs to mental instability.
RA: But whatever I guess.
AB: She died with all of her facilities in tact, which can be seen as a blessing.
AB: Does that help at all?
RA: ... No not really...
RA: Actually, it sort of makes me feel worse..
RA: Whatever!
RA: So yeah, that startrk stuff.
RA: Which generations did you want to know about?
RA: There are a shit ton.
AB: Actually, I find that information is no longer required.
RA: Um alright....
AB: I thank you for your consultation.
RA: Alright, your welcome I guess...
AB: May you find peace with your current situation.
-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] ceased pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 23:08 --

====>Captchalogue the Box



You cannot captchalogue the box because your modus cannot tell what is in the box. Nor do you wish to open it so that it may reveal the birthday surprise a day early.



Your periodic Table modus captchalogues things by their atomic makeup. It then places the object in the slot on the table where it belongs. You use this modus mostly to store your chemical solutions so that Sir Killjoy doesn't take them away "for your safety". Its a scientific solution to frustrating item storage.


====> Demonstrate the Modus



You captchalogue one of your vials of blood to demonstrate. Upon captchaloguing an item, the card is placed on a square in the grid based what element is greatest in the object. As human blood is iron-based, it places it under Iron. The downside to this is that you have to remember what items are where, which isnt a problem for you. its actually rather convenient, as the readers are eluded to all the dangerous chemicals and devices stored within.


====> Captchalogue laptop



The modus sorts your solid gold Boontop under the gold slot. You had your father buy this laptop specifically so it wouldnt waste one of your precious iton or silicon slots in your modus. This is perhaps the only moneysink Sir Wasteful has put his money into.


====> Captchalogue Power Station



Your modus sorts it under Uranium. This surprises noone.


====> Captchalogue Blaster.



Since you're already captchaloguing the contents of your lab table, you decide to take the lazer. Your modus detects a large ammount of Iron in the casing and assigns it to iron. However, this causes a collision...



...and ejects the item onto your bed, where it promptly shatters.

DEAR GOD THE BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE!!!

[retroScavenger]

Phew! You're finally done with Tom's present! You would fondly regard it, but alas, you have already sent it to him through the mail. Of course it will show up late, but hopefully not TOO late. Whilst checking one of your favorite websites, you notice that one of your chums is pestering you! Who could it be?



====>




-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] began pestering briodeNebuliser [BN] --

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AB: Annie, terreble news.
BN: whats that
AB: It would appear as though our birthday boy has suffered a loss of family.
AB: This will do us no good if he's mourning on his birthday.
BN: What?!?!
BN: What happened?!
AB: Let us say "Tom in the Bedroom with the Gun" and leave it at that.
AB: We all knew it would happen someday.
BN: Oh fuck was it his cat?!
AB: Unfortunately so.
BN: fuck jesus
BN: ive told him before!!!
BN: i told him not to play around with weapons
AB: You warned him Anne.
AB: And yet he refused to listen.
BN: i told him dog
AB: When did we brin dogs into this?
BN: last night
BN: long story
AB: I fail to understand the context.
AB: In any case, my own attempts at condolences have gone less than well.
BN: just umm
BN: just
BN: just
BN: uh
BN: hmm
BN: just dont be all technical and sciency
AB: Its well too late for that road.
BN: oh fuckles
BN: when people get mad i try as hard as i can not to geek out on them unless its appropriate
AB: In any case, I was hoping you could distract him with one of those mindless games.
AB: Since apparently this is a matter in which intelligence is not the strongest fighter.
BN: wait a minute one of what mindless games
BN: i have um
BN: quite a few mindless games
BN: if i do say so
AB: I would reccomend against anything involving direct violence.
AB: Or guns.
AB: Or cats.
BN: hmm
BN: how about
BN: a nice
BN: session
BN: of
BN: sburb
AB: Was it really nessesary to type it in black text?
BN: coulda said sburb
BN: but black seemed more intense
AB: I fail to see the intensity in inconsistency.
AB: However, if you thing Sir Suddenly Relevant's game will cure Tom of his onset of sadness, I will have no qualms against its use.
AB: Do you need me to send you a copy?
BN: hmm
BN: actually
BN: can you send something from a remote location
BN: like could you send
BN: something from my mailbox
BN: to me
AB: Of course I can.
BN: that would be so awesome if you could for me
BN: 8^)
-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] appearifies the copy of Sburb onto Annie's desk --

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>Annie: wat da faq

Woah! What the heck? You wonder how she even did that! Hot damn! Sometimes Dian really does come through with that awesome science shit. Of course, Dian isn't your BEST friend, but she sure is a good friend. You will be sure to pay her back later, but for now, you should worry about thanking her!

BN: thanks a lot bro
BN: er
BN: sis
BN: figuratively
BN: not literally
AB: Of course.
AB: Figuratively.
BN: imma install it and then get tom to play
BN: seeya later
AB: Good luck.
-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] ceased pestering briodeNebuliser [BN] --

>Annie: What will you do?

You ponder what exactly you plan to do next, but are interupted by being somebody else!

[Plush Von Plush]

>Once again, feel like being the Emperor.

You are now once again the Emperor, and have gotten over your temporary crisis of self-realization. Specifically, you have stopped thinking about it. Ignorance is the best shield against reality, after all. If only that shield was spiked, than most of your problems would solve themselves.

Now, it appears there is some paperwork that requires your attention. As always. You sign it without even looking at it. Usually you read through it, but today you just do not give a shit. The strain of purposeful ignorance is a burden that only a true Emperor should bear. You wouldn’t wish it on anyone, because then they would have way too much power, and you would have to eliminate them.

Speaking of which, the next assassination attempt is long overdue. The last one was a couple of weeks ago. That one with the toaster. You still aren’t entirely sure how you managed to get out of that one. Most probably, your awesomeness blinded the would-be assassin masquerading as a kitchen appliance, and caused him to fall prone at your feet. Either that, or your attempts to shove buttered bread in his ears caused him to pass out. Somehow.

Maybe they learned their lesson, and realized that the Emperor that they have now is the best possible Emperor. Or they’re just lazy. Naaaaaaaaah.

…And now you are getting pestered. Who DARES disturb you?!

Oh, right, the GM of your FLARP session. She’s alright, for a lowblood. At least she knows her place. And is high enough for you to actually acknowledge her existence.

>Have conver—FEEL LIKE having conversation.

You already SAW this one, dumbass. Jeez.

Well, at least you know what to do now. Time to go to your mailbox. But first, you need to captchalogue some shit in your DICTATOR MODUS, which works like this. You yell at it to put stuff in. And you yell at it to get stuff back. Punching it also works.

>Feel like flipping out on modus in a humorous manner.

You are never humorous. Now, PAPERWORK SHIT, GET INTO THAT CAPTCHLOUGE DECK THIS INSTANT. TROLLHAMMER FIGURINES, I AM FUCKING WARNING YOU. DO NOT FUCK AROUND. I AM THE EMPEROR, AND GOD HELP ME I WILL MELT YOUR LEAD AND GOLDEN ASS INTO SLUDGE IF YOU DO NOT JUMP INTO THIS DECK. THERE WE FUCKING GO. AND YOU WILL ALL FUCKING LIKE IT.

You also make sure to properly equip your strife deck, with the four strife types you use, spikeKind, shieldKind, tridentKind, and netKind. You figure that you are at least four times more awesome than your average troll, so it works. The fighting style that you use is INVINCIBLE. Well, when FLARPing. In real life, all it actually does is make you fall over for having so much shit to use at once.

>Exit room.

You exit your room, and come out into the grand ballroom of the palace, where great parties and dances were once held. You stopped all of that, and converted it into a room for storing massive amounts of FLARP shit. Because you are that much of a killjoy. You mean awesome. Fuck.

Anyways, it appears as if Gl'bgolyb is sleeping or something, from what you can see through the giant glass dome. You keep the rooms here high and dry, because it would make all of your paper soggy. Anyways, you’re glad she’s asleep because now you don’t have to talk. You’ve ordered a constant train of sedated food fed to her, because that’s more shit you do not need to deal with.

Whatever. Anyways, you figure you might as well go and get that mail. The mailbox is on land, because Blood Messengers aren’t that happy going underwater. You have a long climb ahead of you.

>Tyranr: Ascend, or feel like ascending, or some shit.

Fuck that. You are going in the elevator. For some reason, the people who installed it were sniggering. You wondered why. Ehhhhh, whatev—

>Find out reason for sniggers.

OH MY GOD.
THIS MUSIC.
IT.
BURNS.
This is the most horrifying assassination attempt ever.

>Wait for a goddamn hour for the fucking music to end.

Normally you would fly into a rage, due to this utter disrespect, but you are in way too much pain to do it, as the elevator rises agonizingly slowly to the surface. You amuse yourself by thinking about how you are going to murder the people who installed this elevator.

You figure you could first skin them alive, and then drop them into a pit of searing lemon juice. Then, when the screaming stopped, you would find a way to stimulate the part of their brain that controls pain. You would then do that to such an intensity that they would attempt to kill themselves, only to realize that they have been purposefully placed into a room where there is no object able to—

Oh, you’ve arrived. If you bothered to check the time, you would have realized that it has only been, like, a minute. But it felt like an ENTERNITY.

As you stumble out of the elevator, dazed, you are suddenly surrounded by FOUR NINJA, SWORDS DRAWN! As your head clears, you realize that there is only one ninja. But still, sword drawn and stuff. To be honest, you are getting really tired of fighting ninja. Even a mobster or something would be a nice change of pace, but nooooo, always fucking ninja dressed in black and shit. I mean, would it kill them? Really?

Actually, it would be sort of nice if it DID kill them, because then you wouldn’t have to deal with all these fucking assassins. Whatever.

>[S] Feel like…STRIFE!!!!

You don’t exactly feel like it right now, but it doesn’t look like you have much of a choice. Head ringing, you activate all of the cards in your strife deck. This causes you to fall over. Looks like the first move goes to the assassin.

>Assassin: Aggrieve!

Looks like your target is down. You draw your appropriately curved sword and attack, slashing off several of the spikes on his armor, but doing no damage. Unfortunately.

>Tyranr: Fight back!

Welp, that was lucky. However, he did just deface about 400,000 Trolldollars of pure gold armor, which in retrospect was NOT the greatest metal to make armor out of. Too soft.

Anyhow, it appears as if it your move. You decide to do the intelligent thing, and attempt to trap the man with your net. It fails. Epically. You then throw the trident, and it misses by a mile. Hot DAMN. Finally, you chuck your shield at him. Nothing. Why you decided to do that, you do not know.

>Assassin: Charge!

You charge the defenseless Emperor, blade raised, and—

You get stabbed in the eye by a Trollhammer 40k miniature.

You die in the one of the least awesome ways possible: being accidentally stabbed by a tiny toy, when you are holding four feet of sharpened, deadly steel.

>Tyranr: Thank Troll Jesus.

You are suddenly feeling a lot more pious. Especially since you only have one figure covered in spikes. You guess that’s why your strife deck grabbed it?

Anyways, you are badly shaken, but are in decent enough shape to check the mailbox. Sure enough, it has a copy of the new game in it. However, there is no way you are going to take it back down that fucking elevator, so it looks like it’s the stairs for you.

>Tyranr: Descend.

This is going to take a while. Also, whatever happened to Emperor?

[CoffeePerson]

==> meanwhile....



Your BELOVED COD PIECE!!!! You were wondering where this went. This is a HIGHLY FASHIONABLE HAT in most troll circles. You are absolutely thrilled.

==> find your game already, you're holding everyone up



Oh, and you guess you found your SGRUB SERVER grub too.



> Calhad: Get accosted by a knave

You had been doing some light reading before you were trolled by Aeviss. How ironic that she would interrupt you while you were in the middle of a chapter. At least you think that's irony. The books that you read aren't heavy on irony. Straight forward adventures of slaying beasts and defeating worthy foes in name of true love. At least you don't think they're being ironic. You put the book down and read what the miscreant has to say. Uncouth heathen peasant she may be, at least she takes your errant quests seriously sometimes.

At least you think she takes them seriously.

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-- musicalMobocracy [MM] began trolling gallantHidalgo [GH] --
MM: (@) hey bitch!!!! <3
MM: (@) change uff planz! yo know wut that meens?
MM: (@) a kwest! yore going 2 get aul the glory tonite
MM: (@) luckey yew
GH: ---- Verily thy speaketh true, wench?
GH: ---- Pray tell what the fates hath set in store for I
MM: (@) thuh faetes? upchuck thee faates! throw them en the fiyr!
MM: (@) the fates down't know thee fue-ture, bekaus nobuddy does! not even yew ore me
MM: (@) those are four fairey tails, nawt real life, sir night
GH: ---- Guard thy tongue lest thy court thy doom
GH: ---- Tis ill luck to tempt the fates which art matched in their capriciousness only by their realness factor
MM: (@) blah blauh blawwwwww
MM: (@) aur yew skared uf yore futeur, kalhad???? >:O
MM: (@) whut et has en store fore yew???
MM: (@) becuz we kud go by rae's bore-ring old plan whare the empurur goes furst
MM: (@) or really show fate whoose boss!
GH: ---- His Grace is best suited to sticking to his paperwork and letting a champion go forth in his stead tis true
GH: ---- Mayhaps it is providence though that provides this opportunity for glory?
MM: (@) eye told yoo, that's naught how the yoonivurse werks at all!!!!!!!!
MM: (@) nuthings desided untill wee do et
MM: (@) NUHTHING
MM: (@) let me beet et into yore hedd, thar is no such thing!!
MM: (@) butt.......?!?!?!
MM: (@) yew are the trowl 4 thes job, that's for shurr!
GH: ---- Bah what would thee know ignorant peasant!
GH: ---- But we hath been down this road oft times before
GH: ---- Anyway I hath my grubs
GH: ---- Wrested from the vicious claws of a might dragon I mighty add!
MM: (@) neithur of us aur changing hour minds on this, which is not verii RANDUM at aul >:(
MM: (@) how lame!!
MM: (@) i finally fownd mai game, so yew know whut happuns next
MM: (@) or do we?!?!?!?! ahahauhauhauhahaa
MM: (@) are yew bugging thee mail trolls again, calhad?? >:D
GH: ---- They flee before me the cowards!
GH: ---- Well, after doing their job first
MM: (@) if yoo ask me, eye think it's hilarius
MM: (@) gihv them a gud fright!
MM: (@) mayk them say, "what the HELL? hoo's dis dooshbag?"
GH: ---- Calhad the Douchebag
GH: ---- I must say there art better epithets
MM: (@) nah!!!
MM: (@) yore dreaming
MM: (@) if i was troo to mai CHAOS THEORY, we wouldnt know ef yoo were playing disc wun or two
MM: (@) i would just pik whutevar!!!!
GH: ---- Actually what doth come next?
GH: ---- I am loath to admit but the technology confounds me
MM: (@) cents i only have the 2nd grub, eye'm going to bee the servur
MM: (@) that meens you get to be a big fat here-row
MM: (@) i aktually dont know wut the servur is, but hoo cares!
GH: ---- Clearly it means thy get to be my serving wench!
GH: ---- Seriously though what is my next move?
GH: ---- I hath attached the grub to my electronic device but it does nothing!
MM: (@) wot?? well.... we ARE playing tewgethar
MM: (@) whoo evur herd of a game that dus nothing?! >:|
-- musicalMobocracy [MM] connected to gallantHidalgo [GH] --
MM: (@) eye juzt did mine! bam! done! APPLAUSE! krescendo!
MM: (@) the audiense waits for the fenally
MM: (@) biting there claws.......
MM: (@) EN SUSPEN-SUH!
GH: ---- I await still

[Edo Nagori]

> Tom: Stop mourning dead cat you have work to do



You decide to stop crying over your dead cat, and get to business. You can weep over Romana cat some more AFTER you get the Sburb disks. You sneak through the hall way, hoping to not catch your uncle's attention. In the hall way you spot two posters your uncle hung up. One being for his rendition for "Lord of the rings". He turned a beloved story about a bunch of travelers trying to destroy an evil ring, into /B/ grade action schlock. When people talk about lord of the rings, they usually refer to his shitty rendition. The other poster is of "Yor: Hunter from the future" Staring Reb Brown. This is no doubt inspiration for your Uncle's films.

>Tom: Open door and peek inside.


There the smug bastard is, admiring the poster for his newest stinker. All of your uncle's movies end up being absolutely dreadful, but for some reason people flock to them. It seems that your uncle intentionally made them bad, which appeals to a certain audience. You feel that it's a shame, he could have probably made some AMAZING films.

>Tom: Get Sburb disks already!

You quickly run outside in the freezing cold, and check your mail box. It seems that your copy of Sburb has arrived! You should probably bug Annie about playing it soon.

[Sandvich King]

> Will: Exit


You exit to your room and head to the BALCONY. This space extends over your house's large PORCH. Wait, aren't you going the wrong way?

====>


Nope. Who said you were taking the stairs?

> Will: Descend


Gutter sliding is the way to g-OH GOD WHY IS IT SO SLIPPERY!

Ow...

===>


Well that didn't go well. There was snow on the ground yesterday. A lot of things are still wet from the melting. Now you have mud on your jacket. Dammit!

Hey, there's your SHOVEL! You were wondering where you last left it. You captchalogue it and make a mental to return it to your STRIFE SPECIBUS as soon as its egg cracks.

Speaking of which, the HAT just became available. The GREEN BOX will be stuck in place for several more minutes, but the SMARTPHONE should be accessible in a few seconds.

> Will: Get going


You start heading up the road to the SKAIANET LAB where your mom and her equipment are. A few seconds later, your phone hatches. You are immediately pestered.

-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] began pestering rusticRaptor [RR] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

AB: Will, I require a dissertation on Dinosaurs.
RR: Wait. Why?
AB: Let us say theoretically I did have that dinosaur egg we talked about.
AB: Let us also say said egg is no longer where I put it.
RR: Well, I had no idea you had a dinosaur egg.
RR: And I sure don't know where it is now.
AB: I doubt you would.
RR: It's not like it hatched. There'd be a mess.
AB: However, I know eggs dont move on their own, and I have a mansion full of precious test subjects of a small, herbavore variety.
AB: So let us assume the worst for the time being.
AB: How exactly does one track down and take out a dinosaur?
RR: Well, it depends on the dinosaur. Do ya know what type you took with that ecto-appearing thing?
AB: I believe it was a tyranisaurous rex. Big nasty fellow.
AB: I would have hated to be the skeleton he was sleeping next to.
RR: What??? Why do you have a T-Rex of all things?
RR: Those are nasty!
AB: Because it had the thickest hide and the thinest cerebral cortext.
RR: So you chose it because it was strong and dumb?
RR: Better than strong and smart I guess...
AB: Exactly.
AB: Well smart wouldnt have been too bad a thing to look for.
AB: Im hoping the project I used its genetic code with doesnt end up with a defficiency in thought.
AB: Reguardless, I need to figure out a way to dispose of the one I have in the present.
AB: Dare I say, how do they do it in the science fiction?
RR: Well...
RR: Hmm
RR: I'm not really sure how baby T-Rexes act
RR: But the adult ones are scavengers.
RR: They'd hunt stuff only if it was slow enough.
RR: So I don't think your rabbits are in danger with such a small dino.
RR: If you're looking for him, check the kitchen.
RR: They've got a good sense of smell.
AB: Thats good to hear, though still poses a problem as to how I explain extinct species running around the estate.
RR: If he's up and about, he might have found his way to the fridge.
RR: Well, I dunno how to explain it...
AB: "No Sir, I did not let the meat-eating menace ravage the kitchen and eat your roast"
RR: My best idea is just keep him from finding out. I don't really know how to explain a dino in the house if he's found.
RR: But...
RR: Any chance he DIDN'T hatch?
AB: The egg was in my room.
AB: Suddenly, the egg was no longer in my room.
RR: ...
RR: That almost sounds like your appearing technology at work...
AB: Considering Rabbits dont have a tendency of hunting eggs, I believe it is the best theory.
RR: Like what you did to that film reel of mine.
AB: Throw in an hour gap of washing bloody laundry
AB: Ablut 10 minutes to the laundry room and back.
AB: And a 5 minute break sneaking past sleeping rabbits.
AB: "Sudden" is not the best context for the situation.
RR: If Sir's gonna freak out over a dino, he's probably gonna ask about a giant egg in your room.
AB: At least as a modifier of time.
RR: As in he already would have
AB: Oh dont be silly. He doesn't visit my room.
AB: At least not after the last time he was there.
AB: It took a week to clean up the mess...
RR: I don't wanna ask
AB: No, you really dont.
RR: Anyway, I don't see how it could have gone.
RR: It didn't hatch on the spot because no mess
RR: It probably wasn't the bunnies
RR: And it wasn't Sir...
AB: This does pose a perplexing mystery.
RR: I'm stumped
AB: I dont like mysteries. I better do a search of the mansion just in case.
AB: A quick trip to the kitchens in case it gets hungry.
RR: Ya know, I'm headed to my mom's lab atm. She has the appearifying technology that you do.
RR: Can it be used on the egg? Either to steal it or to track down and return it?
AB: Oh, can you do me a favor?
AB: Do NOT tell Tom about this.
RR: Why not?
AB: Because I would rather have that thing eat me than give him the satisfaction of being right with experiments going out of control.
AB: Even though we do not know its out of control.
RR: I see
AB: Which it totally isnt.
RR: Okay...
RR: Anyway, I'm almost at my mom's lab
RR: I gotta use that sending tech that you and she both have to deliver my present to Tom.
AB: Well then, wish me the best of luck.
RR: Good luck then.
AB: Oh really?
RR: Yeah
AB: Do me a favor and see what she's working on.
RR: Uhh, okay.
RR: I'll check it out.
AB: Im curious as to what she's using that equipment for
RR: Maybe the same stuff you are.
RR: She HAS mentioned rabbits before.
AB: ...rabbits?
RR: It doesn't sound like the main thing she works on invvolves rabbits, but she does sometimes bring them up in the rare times when she does talk about her work.
AB: Please tell me if she has any rabbits larger than 1 foot in length.
RR: She never mentioned giant ones though.
AB: Ill be damned if she's using appearification to steal my researches.
RR: She does work for the same company as your dad. I'm not surprised she's working on similar stuff.
RR: I don't think she's actually copying you though.
RR: Have you ever heard of a "Miss Davis" except through me?
AB: I dont believe so.
RR: I think she knows your dad though.
RR: I mean Sir
AB: Though Sir Pretender has been known to have anonymous lady coworkers of a scientific persuasion.
RR: wait
RR: what
RR: Oh. I thought you said "Sir Pretenders" like your dad has doppelgangers or something :/
AB: I do not believe there is anyone in the world that could match his height to perform such an act.
RR: heh
AB: I wish you luck with whatever you're doing in your mother's lab.
RR: Thanks
AB: Pester me if you need a quick "how to" with anything you might find in there.
RR: Uhh
RR: Okay
-- aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] ceased pestering rusticRaptor [RR] --

Well that was a long conversation. Hopefully you won't have too many more interruptions. You want to get this over with so you can play SBURB.

[MasterBlade]

====> Dian: Return from Laundry



You return to your room aver a quick stop at the laundry room to drop off your bloodstained sheets. By now Sir Oblivious is used to seeing bloodstained laundry in the wash and assumes you’re behaving well. Which is good, because you’re pretty sure a normal person would be freaked out by all the red stains on your various lab coats.


====> Everything Else: Be where you left it



Why would you even say that? Of course everything is where you… oh. That’s not good.


====> Pester Friendly Neighborhood Dino Man



You chat with Will about feasible techniques of tracking and taking out a small tyrannosaurus. It doesn’t differentiate much from the usual “see threat, fire lasers” strategy you’ve adopted over the years from… less than successful experiments. You keep mind to equip your captchalogued laser pistol to your laserkind specibus.


====> Exit Bedroom



You leave your room into the foyer of the east wing. Sir Gracious allowed you an entire wing of the mansion for you and your various experiments under the condition that none of them disturb the other parts of the house. You’d rather not have this raptor breaking the rules and having your experiments bunk with you in response.



This particular room is home to Nibbler, the largest rabbit you’ve created with Ectobiology. He started out so small, yet in a few short weeks grew to such a ginormous size. The thing took a liking to this spot next to the fireplace as it is both warm and roomy. You probably couldn’t move him if you tried.
You sneak past quietly as to not wake him up. Nibbler tends to get cranky when he’s woken from his nap.


====> Check on other experiments



You go to the courtyard where your other ectobiology experiments are stored. A quick search of the area reveals one rabbit missing, but no signs of struggle. You assume the troublemaker is somewhere in your father’s wing of the house, as he has a tendency to wander off. However, it’s doubtful that the dinosaur passed through here.


====> Keep searching the house, he has to be around somewhere.



After a good hour of looking around the mansion, you end up in Sir Mediocre’s gallery. In the time he’s not wasting time with his game designing, he’s painting these portraits of his various dreams. You would comment over your dislike of them but he seems very attached to quite a few, as if they were dear memories of sort. Of course, you have no idea where he would have found a tower in the middle of an endless field of roses.


====> Examine photos



Amongst the many paintings are a few pictures of Sir Businessman and his various business partners. To the left is a photo from the partnership of Martin Industries and Insanus Games, working together to bring his less than par games to the world. He wouldn’t have been able to sell nearly as much without Mr. Insanus’s crazy business tactics.
To the right is one of your dad’s various business associates from Skaianet. The two of them worked on a team to develop that Sburb game he’s been going on about for the past few weeks. You’ve seen her around the house from time to time but don’t think there’s anything serious between the two. Then again, you’ve yet to get a blood sample to test the relation. For the meantime, you’ll just assume it’s strictly business.



Suddenly, a shadow creeps over the wall.


====> Find the source of the sudden shadows



You do not need to find the source, as it seems to have found you!

[retroScavenger]

>Annie: Captchalogue the sburb box and Pester Tom concerning it.



====>



-- briodeNebuliser [BN] began pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] --
BN: tommmmm
BN: tommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
BN: tom are you even there
BN: tom
BN: TOM
RA: Sorry.
RA: I was getting my copy of Sburb.
RA: you do not know the SHIT I had to go through.
RA: Seriously, first Romjana died, then that crap?
BN: oh yeah
BN: sorry about the cat bro
BN: i just got my copy too
RA: It's fine I guess...
RA: Oh really?
RA: Could we start playing soon then?
BN: yes
BN: totally
BN: B)
RA: Alright, I'm installing this shit now...
RA: It says it's looking for a server player or something.
BN: okay
BN: i gotta install tooo
BN: lemme get to dat now
RA: Alright.
RA: I'll be waiting to get this show on the fucking road.
RA: It better not suck...
BN: im installing now
BN: i dont think this will suck
BN: actually quite frankly
BN: i have a feeling
BN: this will be a long
BN: game
BN: it will be a long game
RA: Hm... Really?
RA: Then it better be awesome if it's long.
BN: yep yep yep
BN: installing now
RA: Alright, tell me when it's totally installed.
RA: Christ I can't wait any more!
RA: Getting kind of antsy....
BN: i
BN: i think its installed
RA: Oh sweet, really?
RA: Hey it said it connected to a server player!
RA: Oh man...
BN: oh man what?
RA: It says to press enter...
RA: I'm just excited I guess...
RA: I hope it gets my mind off of, you know.
BN: yeah yeah
RA: Any way, what are we waiting for?
BN: not sure
BN: lets go
RA: Let's press enter.
RA: Three
RA: Two
RA: one
RA: Go!

>Annie: PRESS ENTER!!!



RA: Well that sure was... seizure inducing.
BN: yep
RA: Any way, all I see is a blank screen...
RA: What about you?
BN: uhh
BN: a cool interface



RA: Alright, then why the hell don't I see a cool interface?
BN: because im the server player yo
RA: I see, then what is a client player supposed to do?
RA: What do you see me or something?
BN: yeah
BN: i do actually
BN: this is weird
RA: Wait no shit?
RA: Alright, so now what do we do?
BN: hmm
BN: the interface has a few options
BN: lemme check em out
RA: Alright, just make sure not to fuck anything up!
BN: i wont
RA: Alright, sure...
BN: okay
BN: i just entered this thing called the phernalia registry
BN: i think i can place some machines from it into your house
RA: Oh sweet really?
RA: Alright deploy them already then!
BN: doin it yo
BN: doin it
RA: Alright.
RA: Fuck what was that rumbeling noise?
RA: Are you rtrying to bring down the whole damn house?
BN: no no no
BN: i just placed a machine
BN: it was called
BN: the cruxtruder
BN: or some shit
RA: Alright, where the hell did you put it?
BN: uhh
BN: if im not mistaken
BN: right outside your bedroom door
RA: ... Really now?
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] tries to open door. --
RA: Fuck...
RA: Alright, just place the rest of the stuff in my room I guess...
BN: got it
BN: i could move it to your room if needed
RA: Wait, you can move stuff around my room too?
RA: That's pretty sweet.
RA: Hold on, it seems like I'll need to do a lot of walking around.
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] walks off an grabs something else. --
RA: There, I'm using phone.
RA: Now I can talk to you when I'm not on my computer.
RA: Alright, so what do we do now?
BN: hmm
BN: just placing some machines dont be afraid
BN: okay
BN: i just placed an alchemiter totem lathe and moved the cruxtruder





RA: Hoyl shit those things are huge!
RA: Are you sure you can fit them all in my room?
BN: not exactly
BN: but ill work around that
BN: if so be it
RA: Alright.
RA: So what do I DO with these machines any way?
BN: hmm
BN: im
BN: not actually sure
RA: Alright...
BN: but that one that i just moved
BN: kinda looks like
BN: you can crack the bitch open
RA: Yeah, hold on let be turn that lever.
RA: ... fuck its not doing any good.
BN: are you gordan freeman
BN: do you have a crowbar
RA: Nope.
RA: I wish I did.
BN: hmm
BN: anything else like that
RA: Hey, maybe you should try dropping something on it.
BN: okay
BN: lemme try it
RA: Alright.
-- briodeNebuliser [BN] picks up reanimationAnnihilator [RA]'s bed and drops it on the cruxtruder --
RA: HJey I slept on that thing!
RA: ^hey
RA: What the hell?
BN: sorry
BN: did it open
RA: Yeah...
RA: I see some bright seizure thing floating around.



BN: ooh
BN: yeah i see it too
BN: i believe its called a kernelsprite
BN: i scrolled over it
RA: Alrigh,t what do we do with it?
RA: Do I shoto it?
RA: ^shoot.
RA: Wait...
RA: That'll kill it...
RA: Never mind.
BN: i kinda needed to extend your living room a little bit
BN: tom?
RA: yeah, extending my rooms is fine.
RA: if you can do that.
BN: i indeed can
RA: Alright...
RA: christ chat kind of game is this any way?
RA: ^what
BN: no earthly idea
RA: So just do something, while I hang around here.
BN: cool cool cool
BN: the room is too damn small
RA: the rooms here arent that big I guess.
RA: Uncle Al doesn't have any useless shit to clog it up with.
BN: awesome
RA: Ah christ.
RA: Can you just toss something at this stupid kernel thing?
RA: It's bugging me.
BN: eh sure
BN: got anything throw worthy?
RA: How about that star Trek poster.
RA: I don't really care for that one any more.
BN: okay
-- briodeNebuliser [BN] threw the poster at the seizure thing. --
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] the seizure thing merged with the poster. --
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] is has become the trek sprite. --
RA: What the hell...
BN: what the hell
RA: Ok, this game has officialyl become fucking nuts.
BN: yeah
BN: yeah it did
RA: Jesus christ...
RA: This thing is starting to creep me out.
RA: I mean.
RA: Totlly nothing special, I deal with freaks like this all of the time.
BN: of course
BN: but still
BN: what the fuck is up with that seizure thing
BN: maybe you could talk to it
RA: Alright.
RA: No dice, I can't understand a word it says.
BN: oh
BN: that sucks
RA: YEah, it totally does.
BN: hmm
RA: What do we do next?
BN: i guess i could place the rest of the free machines for now
RA: Something with these machines?
RA: Alright.
RA: Alright, think I should mess around with that Cruxi
RA: Curxi....
RA: That cruxwhateverthefuckitscalled?
BN: try to crank it or something
RA: alright.
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] cranks the wheel. Some odd blue material comes out --



RA: What the hell is that?
BN: ehhh
BN: lemme pick it up and check it out
BN: it says its called a cruxite dowel
RA: I see, I'm just gonig to go and Captchalog it.
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] captchalogs the cruxite dowel. --
RA: Alright, anything else we should be doing?
BN: hmm
BN: go check out the other machines of course
RA: Alright, I'm gonig to check out the thing with all of the needles.
RA: What's that one called?
BN: ehh
BN: alchemiter or some shit
BN: no
BN: thats the other one
BN: the one with the needles is
BN: the totem lathe
RA: Alright, it looks like it had a spot where I can put this Dowel thing...
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] places cruxite dowel on the totem lathe. --

[Edo Nagori]

>Tom: Take captchalog card

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[07:56] RA: Alright, it's not doing any thing.
[07:56] BN: hmm
[07:56] BN: i actually say that a lot
[07:56] BN: hmm
[07:57] BN: now that i think about it
[07:57] BN: theres something in the phernalia registry that looks like it could go in that slot
[07:57] BN: called a prepunched card of some sort
[07:58] RA: Alright, can you give it to me?
[07:58] RA: I jsut kind of want to get this weirdness done with...
[07:59] BN: mhm!
[07:59] -- briodeNebuliser [BN] places the prepunched captchalogue card. --

>Tom: Check window

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[08:00] RA: Oh snap.
[08:00] -- briodeNebuliser [BN] ceased pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 20:00 --
[08:13] RA: Annie...
[08:13] BN: okay
[08:13] BN: what is it?
[08:13] RA: A fucking meteor is headed towards my house.
[08:13] RA: I am pissing myself.
[08:13] RA: Almost literally.
[08:13] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] changed their mood to OFFLINE --
[08:13] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] changed their mood to CHUMMY --
[08:14] BN: jesus fuck
[08:14] BN: are you serious
[08:14] BN: or are you just fucking with me
[08:15] RA: No no I'm serious, I'm fucknig serious!
[08:15] RA: What the hell do we do?
[08:15] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] changed their mood to OFFLINE --
[08:15] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] changed their mood to CHUMMY --
[08:16] BN: uhh
[08:16] BN: uhh
[08:16] BN: i dont
[08:16] BN: i dont think we can do anything
[08:16] BN: these sort of things happen all the time right?
[08:16] BN: we can just
[08:16] BN: go along with our game
[08:16] BN: uhh
[08:16] BN: yeah
[08:16] BN: lets just keep playing
[08:17] RA: Yeah... Playing the game...
[08:17] RA: Even though I'm going to fucknig die...
[08:17] RA: ^fucknig.
[08:17] BN: you arent going to fucknig die
[08:18] RA: Yeah, but that thing looks awefully close to my position...
[08:18] RA: Fine, waht do I do next?
[08:18] RA: Oh god tell me what i do next!
[08:18] BN: uhhh
[08:18] BN: uhhhHHHH
[08:18] BN: try using that dowel thing on the alchemiter thing i mentioned earlier
[08:19] RA: Alright.
[08:19] BN: are you doing it?
[08:19] BN: are you fucknig doing it?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[08:19] RA: ...
[08:20] RA: It looks like the damn thing's been counting down to something.
[08:20] RA: S-shit there are only thirty seconds left!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[08:22] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] runs up to the alchemeter and places the curxite on there. --
[08:22] RA: H-hey it's making something!
[08:22] RA: It made a target...
[08:22] RA: FUCK WHAT DO I DO?
[08:22] RA: The timer is almost out...
[08:23] BN: shoot
[08:23] BN: the
[08:23] BN: god
[08:23] BN: damn
[08:23] BN: fucknig
[08:23] BN: target
[08:23] BN: NOW
[08:24] RA: Alright alright!

>tom:fire

show spoiler

hide spoiler

08:24] -- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] has disconnected --
[08:24] BN: tom
[08:24] BN: tom...
[08:25] BN: Tom.
[08:25] BN: TOM?
[08:25] BN: TOM?!
[08:25] -- briodeNebuliser [BN] ceased pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] at 20:25 --

[MasterBlade]

====> STRIFE!!



You cannot strife as you have already strifed, and lost. The strife was so long and grueling that several wings of the mansion may never be repaired from all the damage you two caused. It was a marvelous spectacle that would happen only once in a lifetime.

Of course, that is complete bullshit. Sir Derpface managed to disarm you… again.



For the past several years, you’ve been clawing to the top with your own array of lazer weaponry. Your Lazer Specibii allows you to arm yourself with long-range weapons that make up for your small stature with point and shoot death from below. You would think this would be able to stand up to anyone, or at least someone using an offcespplykind specibii. However, that does not seem to be the case.



Despite the large array of penswords your father has lying around the house, he insists on “fair fights” using the weakest possible item in the deck; a single pencil. Yet despite this you have never once been able to beat him in strife. He’s managed to become so used to strifing with it that he turned a wimpy specibii into a form of painful defeat. As a girl of scientific advancement, this bothers you to no end.



Your father goes about his way, your daily match concluded. As if on cue, one of your friends call, and you could use the distraction.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- briodeNebuliser [BN] began pestering aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] at 16:46 --
BN: Holy shit...
BN: Holy shit holy shit holy shit.
AB: Lovely choice of language.
AB: May I inquire the reason?
BN: Tom.
BN: I'm really worried.
AB: What's wrong with Tom?
AB: Did he shoot someone else?
BN: No
BN: No!
BN: He..
BN: We started playing sburb.
BN: Once we started, I deployed a few machines, and one gave a countdown.
BN: The countdown was to the destruction of that place by the hand of meteors!!
AB: That is one of the conriest plots I have ever heard in any scifi genra.
BN: I swear!
BN: It literally happened! Look at the news; better yet, play for yourself!!!
AB: Its these kind of thoughless games that have made me develop this stance on the medium.
AB: I shall not waste my time with such frivolry.
BN: You have to play!!!
AB: No I do not.
BN: I need to know if Tom is safe. Better yet, I need to know if we're all going to be safe!
AB: What I HAVE to do is find the t-rex that may or may not be lurking the mansion.
AB: And even that is more feasable than that game of yours.
BN: Dian this is important!
BN: This is as important as The Others purging the Dharma Intiative!
BN: More important than the events of the medusa cascade!
AB: Are these parts of this game of yours?
BN: No. These are references to science fiction; Regardless, it's important TO ME if not TO YOU that you play this!
AB: You will be holding a stance that will damage our friendship if I fail to join you in this game?
BN: I'm holding a stance that will damage our HEALTH if you fail to join me in this game!
BN: Not just you and me, not just Tom and Will...
BN: Possibly the fate of the entire Earth!!!
AB: I fail to see the health risks associated with not playing a cheap game.
BN: There were meteors. Large meteors. Huge meteors!
AB: Even the moon?
AB: Were there aliens on the meteors as well?
AB: Is tim being the lone ranger verses the extraterrestrial menace?
BN: Dian. This is not science fiction.
BN: This is real life!
BN: I thought I was the only one that had trouble distinguishing them apart!
AB: May I suggest a psychiatrist on possible media addiction of an extreme level?
AB: It cant be healthy.
AB: You're actually beginning to freak me out, which is an ironic event considering what I do on a daily basis
BN: T-REX, SAFETY OF YOUR FRIENDS AND POSSIBLY EVEN THE EARTH.
BN: Make up your mind.
BN: I hope you make a wise choice.
-- briodeNebuliser [BN] ceased pestering aphoristicBloodbanker [AB] at 17:02 --

Pff, meteors.



That’s rather silly, even by your standards.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



You return to your wing of the mansion after realizing you no longer care. It can have Sir Unsuspecting as a snack for all you care, its just not worth it. You’d rather go back to the lab and continue with your experiments…



Oh dear, it seems Nibbler is awake.



And he's ready to pounce!


====> STRIFE!!!!



You would never fight with nibbler. You love him too much.

[Sandvich King]

> Will: Continue along without any more interruptions


You can do that just fine. You're almost at the lab, and you just take a casual glance in its direction and... Whoa what was that?

That looked like a meteor falling down somewhere a few dozen miles north of where you live. Wait, doesn't Tom live up-state? Maybe you should check on him just in case.

====>


-- rusticRaptor [RR] began pestering reanimationAnnihilator [RA] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

RR: Hey Tom, you there?
RA: Oh thank god, I'm still alive.
RA: Yeah, I'm here.
RA: Oh god am I here.
RA: I've never been more here in my life.
RR: Okay, phew, because I took a look north and saw a meteor coming down.
RR: Might have been in your area or something.
RA: Yeah well...
RA: It kind of did.
RA: Or well at least it looked like it was going to land in my area.
RA: My house to be exact.
RR: Really? Did it land near your house?
RR: Wait...
RR: Directly at your house?
RR: What the hell?
RA: Yup.
RA: I should be burried under one thousand tons of space rock right now...
RA: But apparently the game saved me.
RA: Or something.
RA: I think it saved me.
RR: SBURB?
RR: It saved you?
RA: Yeah SBURB.
RA: Me and annie started playing it togeather.
RA: Then the meteor started to head towards my house.
RA: And then I did some stuff.
RA: And shot a target.
RA: And now I'm at some sort of weird place...
RR: ...
RR: What
RR: the
RR: fuck???
RR: If I didn't see that meteor I'd think you were bullshitting me.
RR: So wait
RR: Where are you now exactly?
RA: I have no clue.
RA: There seem to be castles and shit around me.
RA: However my house is stuck on a small island.
RA: Far away from said Castles and shit.
RA: Dude,i think the game tried to murder me...
RR: So, the game is meant to send a meteor at you, then teleport your house away from it?
RR: Good to know......
RR: Hang on
RR: I just saw another meteor.
RR: Make that 3 more.
RR: 8 more
RR: Shit
RR: They can't all be SBURB games.
RA: Wait you mean the earth is getting attacked by meteors?
RR: Did you two start the apocalypse or something?
RA: ...
RA: Fuck fuck fuck
RA: First my cat, and now the world.
RA: I've been killing a lot of shit today.
RA: Best early birthday present ever.
RR: Can you see meteors where you are?
RA: That's sarcasam by the way.
RA: No...
RA: All I see is castles.
RR: Because it's starting to rain meteors back on earth.
RA: Then maybe I am not on earth.
RA: Mayb eI'm like on some alein planet.
RA: Chosen to fight off some evil.
RR: I guess you're in the game world or something...
RA: Maybe...
RA: Chosen to fight off some EVIL in the game world.
RA: Like, some sor tof hero or something.
RA: Maybe I'm meant to save earth too.
RR: Maybe something like that.
RR: Well, I'd better get a move on. I want to escape with my life too, so I'll be quick and start the game with Annie in a bit.
RR: Just gotta get some stuff from my mom's lab.
RA: Alright sure.
RA: Good luck man.
RA: Don't get killed by the evil meteors.
RR: Maybe we can get Dian in on this too.
RR: I'll pester her later to make sure she doesn't ditch us on account of meteor showers.
RR: "It saved Tom's life" is a pretty damn convincing argument.
RA: Yeah it toally is.
RA: Any way, I'm going to go explore this place.
RA: Or well, try to.
RA: Maybe I'll find out where the fuck I am.
RA: I should probably get a hold of Annie too.
RA: To tell her that I'm all right.
RR: Yeah that sounds pretty important.
RA: I know the poor girl is probably worring her pretty little head off about me.
RA: Any way, good luck with gettting the game.
RR: Well, I'll let you go do that.
RR: Good luck in castle land.
RR: Later dude!
RA: See ya'
-- reanimationAnnihilator [RA] ceased pestering rusticRaptor [RR] --

Well this is BAD. Apocalypse-level bad. You should really hurry and finish your trip to the lab before the meteors get worse.