OMNIA: Chapter 8: Three Unwise Men

[Askia]

> take out skull thingy

"entertain me"

[thetoastking]

- "Good then that we don't have neither shootans nor sanity. Could you point us at the general direction of these pirates?"

You're a madman, but if you want to go rushing off to your deaths, head over to that giant ship to the west. It's massive. Can't miss it.

Probably some other work of Corruptor there. Thanks for the information, Jin!

Anything to help, lord. Be careful.
Sitrah: obtain Job.

*yawn* Oh, hey dame.
Entertain me.
What do I look like, a comedian? I'm a knowledge spirit, babe, not an entertainment fairy. But, just for you hon, I'll tell you the best joke I KNOW. This one comes all the way back from the ancients.
Bird bird squiggly thing, snake bird pharoh apple?

Squiggle Casket Apple Pharoh! Ha ha! Cracks me up every time.

[flyingBrick]

- "Thank you very much. Now... Onwards?"

[Adept]

We'll do our best! Everyone ready?

[Askia]

... I wonder why theyre all so eager to do this

i mean we will all die

[Travosh]

... I wonder why theyre all so eager to do this

i mean we will all die

Of course you will air-lass! But its half the fun of living with your mortal types isnt it? To the ship! And make sure to drink as much grog as possible. Makes for excellent pirate relations.

[thetoastking]

- "Thank you very much. Now... Onwards?"

And so they went, moving quite obviously WEST, to the WEST DOCK, where what seems to be a GIANT PIRATE SHIP has docked.

What do ye mean, "Dockin' Tax"?
It's just a simple 2 gold coins, to help rebuild our tattered island here! Surely a man of your... Stature can afford it?
I'm thinkin' I don't NEED a dockin' Tax. Ye should be glad to have me on yer island, Mister Mayor.
O-of course! Haha! But, we're in financial devastation here! The whole world is! We've nobody to trade with anymore!
Ye could always trade with us, mayor. Surely ye'd want some o the brass pans we got from Jimen-sei?
B-but brass pans are worthless...

[flyingBrick]

- "Hello kind sirs, how are you on this fine day? You must be the mayor and the captain, just the two people we were looking for. Name is Rick Flynn, wandering merchant and adventurer. These here are my friends, Lucian, Sitrah and Cassius. Now I couldn't help but notice there seems to be a little... Impasse going on here? What seems to be the problem?"

Man, I should probably talk less.

[Sinjin]

"Sir couldn't you just smelt the pans into a more usable material?"

[Adept]

And perhaps you might have other useful goods to trade?

[thetoastking]

- "Hello kind sirs, how are you on this fine day? You must be the mayor and the captain, just the two people we were looking for. Name is Rick Flynn, wandering merchant and adventurer. These here are my friends, Lucian, Sitrah and Cassius. Now I couldn't help but notice there seems to be a little... Impasse going on here? What seems to be the problem?"

Hm? Mayor, be this some sorta trap? They said they were... lookin fer us. Ye ain't trying anything... Shady, are ye?
O-Of course not! Don't be silly! I don't even know these people! They're just travelers!
... YARRRR HAR HAR HAR HAR! YE GOT SPUNK KIDDO, I LIKE THAT. I'll entertain you and your game, Mister Mayor. Alright lad, Here's the thing. There ain't no impasse. We're just... Doin' Some friendly tradin'.

And the mayor's about to buy some priceless loot offa me for bargain price, cause I'm feelin' nice today.

"Sir couldn't you just smelt the pans into a more usable material?"

oh? Ye got one o them talkin dolls huh? ARR HAR HAR! Oh, that cracks me up. Listen here ye little doll thing. There ain't no more usable material cause these be priceless heirlooms, d'ye understand? I'm tryin' to be all nice here and ye be suggestin' I melt treasure! OH THE HUMANITY! IT BE ALMOST TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR! DESTRUCTION OF SUCH PRICELESS ARTIFACTS!
Guys he's trying to sell me brass pans and pots they're about as useful as a dead cat and cost a fraction of the amount. I don't know who you are but please he-CAPP'N!
WHAT BE IT DECKHAND, I BE BUSY.
YOU BETTER COME GET A LOOK AT THIS, IT'S WEIRD!
WELL ALRIGHT LAD, SEND IT DOWN THEN! SHEESH!
A leaflet of paper drops from the ship's deck into the hands of the red-clad captain. After a short look, he looks at the group, then down again. Then back to the group, then back again.
ARRRR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HARRRR! OH THIS BE RICH INDEED. WHAT FORTUNE I HAVE MADE TODAY!
The captain lets loose a large rumbling laugh.

[Adept]

What fortune HAVE you made today??? ...Is that some sort of bounty for these guys? Oh dear.

[Xander]

Lucian quickly swipes the paper from the captain's hand to get a look.

[Saint Game]

how much is he charging you? brass sells for, what, $2 a pound? maybe less if it's in bad condition? can't be that bad, right?

[flyingBrick]

- "Indoors voice, my dear captain. We're all civilized gentlemen here, are we not? Now Lucian, what's in this paper?"

[Travosh]

Buy some of those brass pots! They will make excellent weapons and armor!

[thetoastking]

Lucian quickly swipes the paper from the captain's hand to get a look.

-Hmm? Hey now! that be not nice!
Oh dear. Oh dearie dear me...
The mayor has absconded the fuck to the side, away from this.
What be the meanin O' stealin me paper, cat!
Indoors voice, my dear captain. We're all civilized gentlemen here, are we not? Now Lucian, what's in this paper?
You unfurl the paper...

So now ye know. the lot o ye gots a bounty on you. A great big one too. It'd make a poor man into a rich man, and a rich man... Even Richer. But I have to admit, I like the cut O' yer jibs, even though ye be absolute morons. Fer yer information, Smarty Mc Trades-a lot, this be OUTSIDE. Therefer, I don't need to be using me inside voices. Second, ye got a lotta nerve stealin from me, even though it be something as trivial as a bounty slip...

Cause the last person that stole from Cappin' Muerte... Wound up becoming floor polish for me ship.


WARNING! WARNING! ENLIGHTENED ONE DETECTED! ERROR! ANOMALY FOUND! NO GOD LOCATED! EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION! ERROR!

[Adept]

So he's an enlightened one, but we don't know who his patron god is? Welp...

[Xander]

"I didn't steal it," Lucian said, rolling the paper up. "I just borrowed it. Without permisson, still, but I had no intention of keeping it. Here." With that, he offers the scroll back.

'FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK'

[Sinjin]

"Can we just work for you in a legal way to repay you? Or is that too much optimism from me?"

[flyingBrick]

- "One million coins? I'm truly flattered. Unfortunately, being captured is not in our plans, so you'll have to do with those brass pans of yours."

Rick readies his axe.

- "And by the way: Indoors voice doesn't necessarily means it's to be used indoors, it's just an expression. There's no need to shout, I might be getting old but I'm not deaf yet."

[Travosh]

I think I'll just leave a nice un-directed ATTACK!

[The Idea Master]

"Ok gods we need defensive miracles stat! protection from fire"

[thetoastking]

"I didn't steal it," Lucian said, rolling the paper up. "I just borrowed it. Without permisson, still, but I had no intention of keeping it. Here." With that, he offers the scroll back.

The pirate takes it gently, as though it were something precious...

And promptly rips it into shreds, the pieces bursting into a black flame.

AHHHH. IT FEELS GOOD TO BE USIN' ME POWER AGAIN, HAR HAR...

- "One million coins? I'm truly flattered. Unfortunately, being captured is not in our plans, so you'll have to do with those brass pans of yours."

Rick readies his axe.

- "And by the way: Indoors voice doesn't necessarily means it's to be used indoors, it's just an expression. There's no need to shout, I might be getting old but I'm not deaf yet."

Lad... Are ye sure about this...? Hm?
He looks at the group. They're obviously not ready to fight.
I could rip ye a new squattin' hole. I could have me crew shoot you till yer cheese, or I could pillage all your belongins, includin that nice coin purse you got thar...
He leans in close. Rick seems to be getting a bit... Nervous? I would, at least, if a giant enlightened pirate were leaning in close towards me.

I got all the respect in the world fer ye, standin' up to me... Are ye sure ye want to swing that thar axe? Go right ahead. I'm right.

Here.

[DS Piron]

> ...Well, I'd say better to die fighting then get captured, but I wouldn't be the one getting hurt. Plus, you
< might get a chance to escape. Not like we're on much of time limit...

<... Are we? I can't remember...