Get Tiger

[RainbowDrinker]

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and this is stupid.



Through shenanigins of an unspecified type you have found yourself on EARTH. You are trying to find a way home but every time you try using that GOGGLE-BASED SEARCH ENGINE that humans find so interesting to search for a route back to Alternia you find a lot of information about GETTING TIGERS instead.

It appears your best route home is to GET TIGER. The unfortunate part is that you do not know any of the following:

1) What is a TIGER
2) where to FIND one and
3) how to GET it

You have seen occasional pictures of the aforementioned creatures. They do not look like they are going to willingly co-operate with your plan.

What do you do first?

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Note:


The creator of this adventure is approximately FIFTEEN SOLAR SWEEPS old and therefore should definitely be OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER. She is also HEAVILY PREGNANT and on PARTIAL BEDREST so boredom has set in and has decided, in her infinite wisdom, to create a dumb and probably lazy adventure. The creator of this adventure also lost her ILLUSTRATOR and PHOTOSHOP software in a house move so has no decent art software on her current laptop, hense the lazy illustrations! She likes to BLEACH HER HAIR WITHIN AN INCH OF ITS LIFE and may scare away small children with the darkness of her roots.

She has no idea where this adventure is going.

SHE IS STUPID.

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[HexMix]

==> Go to "zoo"

[OxiB00ST]

No! We must get equipped to GET TIGER first! Go to a fishing store and buy some nets and other essential products for your quest.

[Kíeros]

No! We must get equipped to GET TIGER first! Go to a fishing store and buy some nets and other essential products for your quest.

Don't forget bait for them. Like worms. Don't tigers like worms?

[RedCapAvenger]

>Watch Earth Television and Watch a Documentary on Tigers for Research Purposes.

[Naristar]

Lookf for Tigers Find zebra instead

[RainbowDrinker]

==> Go to "zoo"

Well, you would if it wasn't for the fact that whatever douchebag put up this sign forgot to add an arrow to tell you which way the zoo actually is. It could literally be anywhere. You might as well start digging and look for an underground zoo. Stupid earth. Stupid humans.

No! We must get equipped to GET TIGER first! Go to a fishing store and buy some nets and other essential products for your quest.

A fine idea! Fishing, you say? Nets and rods and.... hey, wait a minute...



The thought of fish just puts you in mind of someone you'd rather not think about right now. Suddenly humans seem so much more appealing, despite their lack of arrow-adding skills.

Don't forget bait for them. Like worms. Don't tigers like worms?

Hmm.... a possible plan is forming now...

>Watch Earth Television and Watch a Documentary on Tigers for Research Purposes.

Aha! An excellent suggestion. Television; the fountain of all knowledge. Unfortunately there are two a major drawbacks to this plan; the first is that you are standing in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a pointless sign telling you that a zoo is somewhere in one of the many directions that surrounds it, with no power supply for your TV. The second flaw in the plan is that you have no TV to plug into the non existant power supply.

You must find a TV post-haste!

How do you locate such a thing?

[siguard]

>might as well as pick a direction and start walking then. i say go Dennis. that or north

[Naristar]

Easy wonder into a house and take one

[OxiB00ST]

Go to a TV selling store and steal one

[RainbowDrinker]

>might as well as pick a direction and start walking then. i say go Dennis. that or north

Ahh, your mighty compass. Which way do you choose? You can clearly see which way is North, and then of course there's the elusive and rarely used direction of Dennis. Decisions, decisions... Ahh screw it, you're not walking for miles only to find out you're going in the wrong direction, get down to some research first and then plan your route. Dennis can wait.

Easy wonder into a house and take one

Go to a TV selling store and steal one

Right, so the taking of a TV seems mandatory to your research. Fair enough. All going fairly well so far... wait, what -



Just.. too... heavy... Gah, where's Equius when you need him?

Too many damn components in that TV and your arms are just a little too stumpy.



RIP TV. We hardly knew ye.

Of course, it would have all been so simple if you'd been able to Captchalogue the television set in your Sylladex but you seem to have left it behind when you arrived on Earth. In fact, all you have to transport items of importance around in is this slightly disturbing backpack. You have a feeling Terezi would go crazy for this guy.



Who is this douchebag anyway?

Meanwhile, in a tiger enclosure several miles Dennis from here:

[Naristar]

heeheehee

Nepeta> play pounce on those friendly spectators

Elmo> stare in a way that makes Karkat uncomfortable....

[OrangeAipom]

> Cattroll: Have eaten all of the tigers.

[Kíeros]

> Nepeta: Send out Pounce. The hunt is on!

[RainbowDrinker]

Elmo> stare in a way that makes Karkat uncomfortable....

Those eyes... those eyes of doom... Just d-don't stare into them. Don't do it! You'll never break free of his hypnotic hold. *shudders* Freaky little asshole. And they let children watch this guy?



Wh-why is he staring like that? Make him stop... there's some serious hatred brewing here for Karkat. Stop this immediately - I don't care if it's Valentine's day, you're here to get tiger, not fill quadrants!

> Cattroll: Have eaten all of the tigers.

Aww, now why would you want to do that? You'rec in purrfect company with these friendly guys... Err, you could stop that growling though. No, seriously. Stop that.



And anyway, it quite clearly states that feeding time isn't until 2.20 and you don't want to spoil your appetite.

Nepeta> play pounce on those friendly spectators

> Nepeta: Send out Pounce. The hunt is on!

Uh-oh...



Surely no good can come of this...

[Naristar]

It is a friendly incounter so put the caws away
then punch they male in the snout to assert dominance

[greenMachine]

>Elmo: Run away, before something bad happens.

Edit: also, I just love how far the Dennis reference went.

[Kíeros]

> Good: Come out of encounter with Nepeta.

[RainbowDrinker]

It is a friendly incounter so put the caws away

Claws retracted! But these poor spectators are frozen to the spot. A strange tiger who appears to be wearing a crash helmet is flying through the air at a terrifying pace towards them.

Brace yourselves for impact -

then punch they male in the snout to assert dominance

Dominance asserted, snout bunped.

> Good: Come out of encounter with Nepeta.

Well would you look at that - one friendly pounce and you've managed to empty the zoo in ten seconds flat. Hmm, an empty zoo will make it far easier to Get Tiger, without all those stinking humans cluttering up the place, isn't that right, Karkat?

...Karkat?

>Elmo: Run away, before something bad happens.

Elmo knows when he's outstayed his welcome. It's time to make a fast getaway before this week's episode is brought to you by the letters K, I, L and another L.



Argh! Who the hell is this feathery nooksucker? You have a horrible feeling that it's the short red douchebag's lusus. Probably time to move on. There's still research to be done, a zoo to be found and a tiger to get.

What's your next move?

[Naristar]

*chuckles*
I Hate elmo Go Karkat!!
((so want that picture))
Ask the huge effin bird if he knows the way to the zoo

[Kíeros]

> Sic(kle) the Bird.

[greenMachine]

>ask the bird if he knows how to leave Sesame Street.

[Morphimus]

> Karkat: Go as far dennis as you can, surely that will get you to the zoo.

[PageOfHopelessness]

> Tame the bird and fly him around- maybe an Arial view would help you find the fabled "tiger"

[PriffyViole]

> Elmo: Run Dennis, get trampled by stampede of people.