Elderstuck: Skyrim

[Zhangku]

>Be Jarl Balgruuf the Lesser

[Qeztotz]

What he said ^^^

[Blizz98]

>Be the nearest Jarl to Orem.

You are now the JARL OF WHITERUN, a man of few words and many stabs, who only came into the position about six years ago. And by TALOS you are so BORED.

>Orem and Jake: Alert the Jarl, seek reward.

This seems like a reasonable course of Action, so you and Jake begin the long hike to Whiterun. Nothing much of note happens, a Mammoth Drive here and there, as are typical of the Mid-Skyrim Scenery, and some passive Wild Animals. And then suddenly..

Bandit: Your Septims or your life.

You are accosted by a band of four Bandits, two Nords a Dunmer, and their Bosmer leader.

>Get mOtHeRfUcKiNg oN wItH iT!

You did motherfucking get on with it, since they motherfucking got their shit together and started walking, then these other motherfuckers showed up and started demanding their money.

>Be Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

Roughly Simultaneous to other shenaningans you are now (Former)JARL, BALGRUUF THE GREATER. And Currently in Sovngarde.

Balgruuf: I bet you're all wondering how this happened, aren't you.

Inventories:

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Orem-Lai
-Iron Bow (Equiped) w:8 v:30
-Iron Dagger w:2 v:10
-Leather Armor (Equiped) w:6 v:125
-Leather Gauntlets (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-Leather Boots (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-False Moustache w:0 v??
-Cigar w:0 v:2
-22 Iron Arrows w:0 v:1(22)
-1169 Septims
-4 Lockpicks
-Worthless half septim w:0 v:0
-Ancient Nord Sword(x3) w:12(36) v:13(42)
-Ancient Nord Waraxe w:14 v:15
Encumberance: 88/200
Jake English
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-R)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-L)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol(x4)w:20(80) v:545(2180)
-19 Iron Shot w:0 v:1(19)
-21 Lockpicks
-'Blue Dames' An unpublished Artbook collection of Miscolored prints of asorted women.
-Adventurer's Attire (Equiped) w:2 v:10
-Adventurer's Boots (Equiped) w:1 v:4
-Draugr Skull (x4) w:1(4) v:0
-Skull (x3) w:1(3) v:0
Encumberance: 130/220
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Gamzee Makara
-Sanguine Attire (Equiped) w:4 v:100
-Sanguine Gauntlets (Equiped) w:1 v:15
-Sanguine Boots (Equiped) w:1 v:15
-Sanguine Cowl w:2 v:25
-Wabbajack w:10 v:1211
-False Zillyhoo w:29 v:1000
-Juggling Club(x6) w:9(54) v:12(72)
-'Wicked Elixer'(x11) w:0 v:420 {Prop:Unknown}
-Skooma(x5) w:0(0) v:25(125) {Prop:Skooma}
-Jester Horn(x4) w:2( v:1(4)
Encumberance: 109/300
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Jarl of Whiterun
-Ebony Sword (Equiped-R)w:15 v:720
-Ebony Dagger w:5 v:290
-Spade Signet Ring (Equiped)w:0 v:1500
-Jarl's Robes(Equiped) w:1 v:0
-Ebony Gauntlets(Equiped) w:7 v:225
-Ebony Boots(Equiped) w:7 v:275
-Hatelove Notes(x3) w:0(0) v:0(0)
-14 Lockpicks
-2500 Septims
Encumberance: 35/220

[Qeztotz]

>not in the slightest
>but lets be polite, tell us your story mister!

[Malrone]

Nevermind the not-so-omnipotent cueball, there is a fair bit of wondering.

[Zhangku]

> Balgruuf the Greater, elaborate on how you died and went you Sovngaarde.

[Qeztotz]

i am not so omnipotent
but i AM omniscient
silly organism

[Blizz98]

>Balgruuf the Greater, elaborate on how you died and went to Sovngaarde.

Well, it was roughly six years ago... this curious group of ruffians had just arrived in Whiterun, and they had already began hassling my people like they ran the place, well naturally I took steps against them, but they kept escaping, until we finally were able to capture them. All but one of them anyway.

>>



He eventually murdered his way into my court, and challenged me to a duel calling for the release of his 'crew'. I, as an honorable nord Jarl, could not decline.

>>



I did not think much of his ability, he was rather scrawny, and as I hear was more partial to knives than the swordplay he was challenging me with. I'm sorry to say I had underestimated him.

>>



And it cost me. We did not specifically name it a duel to the death, but, that had become the clear course of the duel, and thus, I died, but I can at least say I died with my honor satisfied.

[Malrone]

>Continue your tale, Balgruuf! Surely you have continued to observe your Hold from Sovngarde .

[Qeztotz]

>yes please continue, it would be highly impolite of use to stop you here and deprive the non-omniscient organisms of thier thrilling story

[Blizz98]

>Continue your tale, Balgruuf! Surely you have continued to observe your Hold from Sovngarde.




Well, I admit I have, from time to time. From what I gathered, the man had, on the advise of one of his fellows, assumed the Jarldom, using his defeat of me in single combat as an excuse. My son, interestingly enough, challenged his claim, wielding an odd.. curved sword. Really, a curved.. sword. The Usurper's Strongest and largest companion volunteered to deal with him.

>>



It did not end well for my son. Though I cannot find, through any means, any further information on my son, but can say with confidance, that he is likely not dead. Though I'm worried as to what this obfuscation would mean.

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I would like to take this moment to re-state that this story takes place 20 years after the Game, this particular flashback, 6 years before that.

[Qeztotz]

>lets be another person in sovngard

[Malrone]

I'd like to be the sword, but it reeks of daedra.
Lets be someone else, once Balgruuf tells us what that bird/dragon/albino is.

[Pandemonius]

Let's just get back to being Orem and Jake. Exposition is nice and all, but too much of it bogs down the plot, and the main characters themselves aren't even getting to hear any of this.

[Blizz98]

>Exposite on Dragon/Bird/Albino



Well, I'll tell you one thing, its most certainly a Dragon, but, It was only after my death that the Dragons began Re-Returning in Earnest, so I can't tell you much, and as time goes by I grow increasingly disinterested in the Mortal Realm. But, its victims have a told me a thing or two, such as Its name being Draconic for 'Red Eyed Hunter', and its most distinquishing feature being its eye which is bright enough to blind. Also it would seem to be working with a resurgent Dragon Cult of Sorts, which, would probably distress me more were I still alive.

>Be Orem and Jake.

You return to being Orem and Jake, still pitched in combat with the four Bandits. What do?

Inventories:

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Orem-Lai
-Iron Bow (Equiped) w:8 v:30
-Iron Dagger w:2 v:10
-Leather Armor (Equiped) w:6 v:125
-Leather Gauntlets (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-Leather Boots (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-False Moustache w:0 v??
-Cigar w:0 v:2
-22 Iron Arrows w:0 v:1(22)
-1169 Septims
-4 Lockpicks
-Worthless half septim w:0 v:0
-Ancient Nord Sword(x3) w:12(36) v:13(42)
-Ancient Nord Waraxe w:14 v:15
Encumberance: 88/200
Jake English
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-R)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-L)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol(x4)w:20(80) v:545(2180)
-19 Iron Shot w:0 v:1(19)
-21 Lockpicks
-'Blue Dames' An unpublished Artbook collection of Miscolored prints of asorted women.
-Adventurer's Attire (Equiped) w:2 v:10
-Adventurer's Boots (Equiped) w:1 v:4
-Draugr Skull (x4) w:1(4) v:0
-Skull (x3) w:1(3) v:0
Encumberance: 130/220

[Qeztotz]

>waste these guys, youre better than them by far.

[Malrone]

What do? YOU SHOOT THEM! come on guys, this isn't Dwemer Steam Science.
Well, Jake's guns might be, slightly. . .
*cough*
I suppose you can stab them too, if you really want.

[Neow46]

>Sherogarath: rain pancakes upon the Bandits.

[Blizz98]

>>



Bandit: So, are we going to have to do this the easy way or-

>Waste these guys.



*Gunshot*

>>



Jake: I prefer the Easy way myself.

And with that, combat is joined as you charge against one of the other bandits, one of the Nords specifically, still flummoxed from the sudden death of their leader, you easily smite him down.

Two down, two to go.

[Malrone]

>Orem: Parry the power attack the next one is surely going to give, catch it high. When he is thrown off-balance, strike fast and hard!
>Jake: Do the shooty thing.
>Gamz- Sanguine Observer: Giggle.

[Blizz98]

>Orem: Parry the Power Attack the next one is surely going to give, catch it high. When he is thrown off-balance, strike fast and hard!

The other Nord charges brazenly towards you, wielding a battleaxe and shouting something about his ancestors as Nords are want to do in combat. He swings down a heavy blow against your person, which you parry, leaving him off balance for a few seconds, you don't waste the opportunity, but curiously enough he DOES NOT, die in one hit like all your previous opponents. (Excepting that Giant Spider, of course.)

>Jake: Do the shooty thing.

The Dunmer, turned out to be an Archer, and was on his way to deliver an arrow to one of your heads when SUDDENLY, he found himself in the regretful circumstance of having a relatively small iron ball lodged in his brain.

Only One Bandit Remains.


Inventories:

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Orem-Lai
-Iron Bow (Equiped) w:8 v:30
-Iron Dagger w:2 v:10
-Leather Armor (Equiped) w:6 v:125
-Leather Gauntlets (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-Leather Boots (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-False Moustache w:0 v??
-Cigar w:0 v:2
-22 Iron Arrows w:0 v:1(22)
-1169 Septims
-4 Lockpicks
-Worthless half septim w:0 v:0
-Ancient Nord Sword(x3) w:12(36) v:13(42)
-Ancient Nord Waraxe w:14 v:15
Encumberance: 88/200
Jake English
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-R)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-L)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol(x4)w:20(80) v:545(2180)
-17 Iron Shot w:0 v:1(17)
-21 Lockpicks
-'Blue Dames' An unpublished Artbook collection of Miscolored prints of asorted women.
-Adventurer's Attire (Equiped) w:2 v:10
-Adventurer's Boots (Equiped) w:1 v:4
-Draugr Skull (x4) w:1(4) v:0
-Skull (x3) w:1(3) v:0
Encumberance: 130/220

[Qeztotz]

Show em your stabs

[Blizz98]

>Show Em your stabs.

You briefly question how you would show someone your stabs with an axe, I mean, really, an axe, how would you even accomplish such a thing. You decide to just settle things the regular way, and show him your chops. One chop, two chops, three cho-he's dead now. Now that you have a moment of respite you're having that weird feeling that you're being watched by some mOtHeRfUcKiNg sanguine MoThErFuCkEr. That, and the unnervingly not distant sound of honking.

Inventories.

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Orem-Lai
-Iron Bow (Equiped) w:8 v:30
-Iron Dagger w:2 v:10
-Leather Armor (Equiped) w:6 v:125
-Leather Gauntlets (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-Leather Boots (Equiped) w:2 v:25
-False Moustache w:0 v??
-Cigar w:0 v:2
-22 Iron Arrows w:0 v:1(22)
-1169 Septims
-4 Lockpicks
-Worthless half septim w:0 v:0
-Ancient Nord Sword(x3) w:12(36) v:13(42)
-Ancient Nord Waraxe w:14 v:15
Encumberance: 88/200
Jake English
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-R)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol (Equiped-L)w:20 v:545
-Iron Matchlock Pistol(x4)w:20(80) v:545(2180)
-17 Iron Shot w:0 v:1(17)
-21 Lockpicks
-'Blue Dames' An unpublished Artbook collection of Miscolored prints of asorted women.
-Adventurer's Attire (Equiped) w:2 v:10
-Adventurer's Boots (Equiped) w:1 v:4
-Draugr Skull (x4) w:1(4) v:0
-Skull (x3) w:1(3) v:0
Encumberance: 130/220

[Qeztotz]

>jake : fire in the air to block out the honking

[Malrone]

>Adventurers: Loot, then proceed. Best to avoid the Honks.
>SaNgUiNe MoThErFuCkEr: Revel in the death these two have left behind.