New Arrivals [text] (Actually updating regularly this time, I swear to god)

[cryptidWrangler]

>Get in a fight with a drunk.

[Sparks]

>Talk to the nearest person.

You attempt to start up a friendly conversation, and he responds by saying that your mother never loved you and that you should migrate to a country that he currently is not residing in and collapses onto the floor. That went well.

> Show off your eggsing skill (remember when you eggs'd two days ago and everybody was impressed?)

You cannot eggs since you do not have eggs. You are very disappointed by this.

>If you can't find eggs, grab that bird flying by the window and squeeze one out of it

It flies away when you get close to it. Also that's not how birds work why did you even consider doing this

> Get a drink and show off your wicked awesome dance moves!

Dancing and drunkenness are two things that very rarely go together well except in rare circumstances, and you aren't at a square-dancing contest, so you don't think that you'll do anything like

> C'mon, ya old grumpus! Just put on a happy face~

Well, you guess that starting by trying to look a little happier couldn't hurt

> But not in a Buffalo Bill kind of way

wait who the hell is buffalo bill and why should you not put on a smile his way is he a half-buffalo half-man hybrid or would that make him a minotaur or something or perhaps he's just a rancher with a nickname or something this is a most confounding question

>Get in a fight with a drunk.

See, these are exactly the kind of thoughts you were trying to avoid oh fuck it you're going to go hit someone. You find the surliest drunk around, one who's about eight seconds away from starting something anyway, and declare yourself the chairman of the brawl by demonstrating your martial prowess with a chair. This has the natural result of knocking him the fuck out, and you are applauded by the men surrounding him for stopping him from starting something unpleasant. God fucking damn it you're usually better at this.

You upgrade your anger rating from GRUMPY to ORNERY. What will you do?

[cryptidWrangler]

Hmmm. Does your victory over the drunk grant you any xp? Do you level? Have we chosen a class for this lass already?

>Get yourself another drink. Drink will fill the void in your heart. Drink and violence.

[Askia]

> join the pirate yoga group

[goggleman64]

> Class: Drunkard of Violence. Puncher of BOoze.

> DEMAND A DRINK FOR YOUR ACT OF SELFLESS SERVICE

> Ask around about Buffalo Bill

[Jetroid]

>Terra: Rise up.

[mysticCharlatan]

I'm with cryptidWrangler on this.

>Terra: Gain level and begin class selection. Took you long enough.

[Sparks]

> DEMAND A DRINK FOR YOUR ACT OF SELFLESS SERVICE

They point to the abundance of drinks on the table directly in front of you. You pick one up, and

>Terra: Gain level and begin class selection. Took you long enough.

Leveling up? Class selection? What the hell are you talking abou

YOU HAVE LEVELED UP TO LVL: 1! SELECT A CLASS!

WHAT IS HAPPENING

What will you pick?

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Well this took a while. Reusing old class suggestions is fine.

[cryptidWrangler]

>Dipsomancer (Arcane Alcoholic Arts)
>Gamble Mage (Serendipity Selected Skills)
>Alchemiscreant (Potion Producing Prankster)

[Countblackula]

Pure wizard.

[Xindaris]

>Luckmancer -- A tricky class that grants one control over one's own luck, to a certain extent. Luck runs on a cost economy, and typically 'wants' to move toward balancing. If a luckmancer has recently had a lot of bad luck, their current luck rating is negative, and they can very easily "spend" some good luck to bring their luck back to positive--and most importantly, a luckmancer can choose EXACTLY what situation or parts of a situation to exert that luck on. However, once total experienced luck is positive, "spending" more of it becomes increasingly difficult, until extreme bad luck becomes completely inevitable. As a luckmancer grows more powerful, they become more and more capable of identifying how much luck they, and other people have, and become increasingly capable of influencing other people's luck in addition to their own.

[red pharoah]

> Dream whisperer.

[Askia]

pirate wizard

[goggleman64]

I gotta throw my weight behind Alchemiscreant.

Although Puncher of BOoze is still my first love

[Jetroid]

Alchemiscreant.

Oh my. This.

Alcoholic Alchemist Miscreant. SO MUCH WIN.

[ninjamaster1991]

Based on the quantitative matrix of the improbability theory and the general snark levels, the only class that will earn Terra a happy ending is:

All of the Above.

[Sparks]

After a somewhat vague explanation of how the leveling system works from the surrounding pirates, you think of a few options, and begin to narrow it down to a few, and eventually one. But then, as you're about to go through with your selected one, you get a brilliant idea.

>All of the Above.

This fails to work. Which is probably a good thing, considering the wildly varying and contradictory natures of the classes that may or may not have caused a catastrophic meltdown. That and the fact that more than one of them involves being an alcoholic, which can't be good for your liver. You guess you'll just go with your regular choice.

>Alchemiscreant

You choose your class as ALCHEMISCREANT. At least you think you do, you have no idea how the hell this system thing works. Is something supposed to be happening? Is there something you need to say? Are you supposed to oh hey there we go.

At LVL: 1, you learn the ALCHEMIC RECIPES TESLA COCKTAIL, BLACK LIQUID SORROW, MELTWATER, AND BIOPHOSPORADELECRYSTALLUMINESCENCE.

Your mind also fills with the knowledge of the alchemic arts, such as what many materials are, how to prepare things quickly, with or without the proper equipment for some of them, chemicals, lots of chemicals, many other random minor recipes for other things the makeup of several things the abilties to embue some ingredients with the magical energies needed to make them work the urge to read books lots of books all the books and the endless posibilities that you can bring to the surface if only you experiment you wonder what would happen if you mixed your drink with several doses of a few fun chemicals and some vitamin C you think you know how to make that table glow you're not sure how you think it involve pouring something onto it but ingredients you need ingredients possibly test subjects you're prettys sure you know exactly what you're doing but wow that was a rush.

You suppress the mad alchemist urges that came with the sudden influx of knowledge and the frenzied thoughts that have left you somewhat light-headed. You're not sure how it works, but you think you know how to make liquid that electrocutes people now, and you really wish this ship had a library. You're glad that the people near you are too busy doing their own thing to take much notice of the fact that you were kind of just standing there staring blankly for about twenty seconds.

What will you do?

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Well getting here took a while. Thanks for all of the class options, most of them seems like a lot of fun. Points go to Xindaris for the obvious ton of thought put into the Luckomancer.

[red pharoah]

> Try making a bomb out of ye bottles o' rum

[goggleman64]

> Are there any potions you can make right now?

> Also, are you sure there aren't any books on the ship? Probably doesn't hurt to ask; the captain might have some. Remember to specify that you aren't just talking about booklets of naked lady drawings.

> Unless . . . they're alchemical pamphlets illustrated with pictures of naked ladies? That'd be a hell of a niche.

[Sparks]

> Try making a bomb out of ye bottles o' rum

You retrieve ye bottle o' rum, and luckily for you, it's the strong stuff, meaning it should flame up comparatively nicely if you use it to make a molotov. Not as well as a regular one, but you've got to make do with your constraints. Out of the immediately accessible ingredients that you can think of, Yyou'll need some sugar to help with the spread for when you throw it though, and head over to the cook to ask for some and a dirty rag. He takes the rum away from you when you respond to his inquiries that you're going to make a bomb out of it. Nobody on this ship is any fun.

> Are there any potions you can make right now?

Well, with the stuff on hand right now, no, apart from the life-giving elixir that is extra-strength alcohol. Hopefully there's some stuff you can use scattered away with the loot on this ship or something.

> Also, are you sure there aren't any books on the ship? Probably doesn't hurt to ask; the captain might have some. Remember to specify that you aren't just talking about booklets of naked lady drawings.

You go and find someone who isn't completely drunk, and ask them. They say that they haven't really seen any, other than some light reading material from some crew members, the medical texts in the doctor's cabin, the psychology texts that Barry has, and the epic romance novel that's currently making its way around the ship. He says that he doesn't know what's in the Captain's cabin though, since he's not particularly high-ranking.

> Unless . . . they're alchemical pamphlets illustrated with pictures of naked ladies? That'd be a hell of a niche.

You readjust your request to include these, but no dice, they've only got first-aid pamphlets like that.

You might have to ask someone else later, and you think you might be able to get some stuff from the doctor, but other than that, nobody has an appreciation for lengthy tomes of alchemic wisdom. The thought occurs to you that you didn't give a shit about lengthy tomes of alchemic wisdom five minutes ago. Wow, past you was an idiot.

What will you do?

[Askia]

make a bottle of rum REALLY strong

then do not drink it, you alcoholic

[cryptidWrangler]

My suggestion got used? Wow! Awesome!

>Find something weighty, but not fragile, go someplace where you're unlikely to cause any damage, and get some throwing-arm practice in.

[Jetroid]

>Go speak to the landship guy.

[red pharoah]

> Use the ship's hull to make a WOODEN POTION

[Sparks]

>Go speak to the landship guy.

The who? Landship? How the hell would that even work? Hang on, you think you heard someone talking about it while you were still a hostage right after that whole earthquake thing that turned out to not be an earthquake but just somebody making a massive trench around you. You have no idea who did that, or why they thought it was a good idea.

make a bottle of rum REALLY strong

then do not drink it, you alcoholic

WELL FINE YOU WON'T MAKE EXTRA STRONG ALCOHOL AT ALL THEN IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE THAT BRAIN

> Use the ship's hull to make a WOODEN POTION

That's incredibly silly. You couldn't possibly fit the entire hull into a jar to carry around.

>Find something weighty, but not fragile, go someplace where you're unlikely to cause any damage, and get some throwing-arm practice in.

You grab a metal mug, and head to the other end of the ship, and practice throwing it for a while. It gets pretty boring after a while, since you have to keep picking it up, and your arm starts to get tired, but every bit of practice helps, you guess. Eventually you miss, and it goes over the side. So much for that. You make a mental note not to be held responsible for dents in the floor.

What will you do?