THE NIGHT SHIFT: Act 1- Part 1: Flip some shit!

[Patchman]

Its late at night, SHADY person appears to be STUFFING SOMETHING into the trunk of an OLD CLASSY CAR. He's trying to be INCONSPICUOUS about it, but lets face it, trying to stuff something into a trunk is always kind of conspicuous, luckily this guy isn't an idiot, nor is he an amateur. He's a PROFESSIONAL, something he takes PRIDE in. So he's stuffing whatever he's stuffing into the car's trunk in a WAREHOUSE.

What is this shady professional's name?

[YoshiEgg360]

> Vince Monticello.

[98714123340]

Your on the clock! There is "pipes" that need to be "unclogged."

[PersonPerson]

Hairy Moosebutt

[Patchman]

>Your on the clock! There is "pipes" that need to be "unclogged."

No kidding. If by "pipes" you mean people, and by "unclogged" you mean "whacked", and by that you mean "beat with your ULTRA-VIOLENCE CUESTICK", then yes there are some pipes that need a good unclogging.

>Vince Monticello

Its got a nice ring to it, but your pretty sure you offed a guy with that names a while back.

>Hairy Moosebutt

Apperently this voice thinks its some kind of wise-guy. Wanna know what happened to the last wise-guy that crossed your path? You just stuffed him into the trunk of the CLASSY CAR.

[PersonPerson]

You can't stuff a voice in a car :¢.
Your name is Bootylicious Crackmongler.
[Got a name hint?
Is this midnight crew related?]

[Patchman]

yes, yes it is.

[PersonPerson]

Diamonds Droog

[gumbal1]

> Clubs Deuce

[sonic3535]

> Snowman

Alternatively,
>S. Noman

[Patchman]

> Clubs Deuce

CLUBS DEUCE is in the drivers seat of the CLASSY CAR. You know Deuce isn't exactly the the most professional professional gangster you know, in fact he's kind of INEPT. Despite that, you've known him for years, centuries in fact. As members of the Midnight Crew you two were close.

The idea of having Deuce as your driver was... ridiculous. As it turned out wasn't a bad idea. He's pretty good at driving, which is odd because he has to STAND on the seat in order to see over the dash board. You have no idea how he reaches the GAS AND BREAK PEDDLES, and quite frankly its just a waste of time to think about it, so you don't.


> Snowman

No you're not SNOWMAN, you haven't seen Snowman since you and the rest of the Crew raided Lord English's mansion and killed off The Felt, on account of them destroying you're favorite casino. Damn, you loved that casino it was CLASSY.

Where were you? Shit, this is what happens when voices that may or may not be in your head start talking, you get distracted. Lets just get back on track.


>Diamonds Droog

Your name is DIAMONDS DROOG. You are working for a CRIME BOSS that is neither MOBSTER KINGPIN or LORD ENGLISH. Mobster Kingpin is a lard-ass douchbag who's own concentrated mass can give him a fucking gravitation field, and you've had enough of Lord English's TIME SHINANNIGANS when you offed the The Felt.

Since the whole Felt shindig, you've had somewhat of an adventure. Nothing you couldn't handle, you found your way into a computer room in the middle of a freaking desert and convinced a young time-travelling ROBOT GIRL kill a SPIDER8ITCH. You never liked that bitch, too talkative. The robot girl on the other hand, she was efficient; she knew what she needed to do and had no qualms with the morality of her actions, a robot girl after your own heart. That was one of the only times you ever allowed yourself to crack the slightest smirk through your PROFESSIONAL POKER FACE.

Skip ahead, you somehow ended up in this FILM-NOIR themed city after the UNIVERSE you were in was DESTROYED. You figured Snowman must have been whacked. You figured it was SPADES SLICK that did said whacking. He absolutely hated her, she made him do the paperwork way back when. Guess that's what happens when you make someone as irritable and stab-happy as Slick do all the paperwork; you end up dead and the universe get destroyed. You're not surprised in the least.

[SkyKat]

Examine surroundings

[Patchman]

>Examine surroundings

You take a glance around the warehouse. Its pretty dark, there are a few lights on, there are also a lot of boxes. It is a warehouse after all, nothings special. Your gang uses it mainly for what you're doing right now: interrogating chumps with physical violence whether they tell you what you want to hear or not, and then killing said chumps. What do you expect? Of course there's going to be violence...

You realize that the explanation of your surrounds was pretty dull, your usually pretty good at coming up with with narrations and explanations and shit, you like to think that they have a Rorschach or Dick Tracy vibe to them, like the narration in a mystery novel. After all, this city has a Film-Noir theme to it. You're just having an off night. Who's fault is that?

Its Slim Jim's fault.

You look at the CLASSY CAR. You look at the DEAD BODY you were previously stuffing into the trunk. When he was alive up until a short while ago, his name was Jimmy Slimm, and he ran by the name 'Slim Jim'. Yeah, real fucking creative. It doesn't take a genius to figure out a nick name like that, and ol' Slim was that last person to be called a genius. Anyways, its his fault your night is starting off on an off note. Him, and that BRIEFCASE that's been HANDCUFFED to his wrist. If you knew it was going to be like this, you would have brought a saw along. You would have sawed Slim Jim's arm off while he was alive, removed the handcuffed briefcase from the arm, then used the arm to beat him to death. It would have been poetic, ironic, and a downright good moment that would have started off the night on a good note.

But that didn't happen and as you said before, the night hasn't started off on a good note. Fuck you Slim Jim.

Now what?

[PersonPerson]

Jump on top of the car and start dancing.

[Patchman]

>Jump on top of the car and start dancing.

You interpret that as "lean against the car, pull out a smoke, and snap your fingers to a JAZZY TUNE you like". What,that's not what voice said? Really? Well, you like your "leaning and jazzy music" idea more, so you do that anyways. The only time you dance is with a CLASSY LADY. You're Diamonds Droog, you're all about classy thing, especially CLASSY LADIES of the GRAY VARIETY.

...

Actually, this JAZZY TUNE is pretty good. You'll lean against the cars and snap your fingers for another minute or so.

[PersonPerson]

Let's be Clubs Deuce.

[Patchman]

>Be Clubs Deuce

You are now Clubs Deuce.

You are standing on the driver's seat in the CLASSY CAR because you can't see over the DASH BOARD when you sit, you're just too short. You regard inanimate objects with much love and kindness, and you carry around a gratuitous amount of EXPLOSIVES on you at all times, especially under your hat. You also have a BACKUP HAT, a STRETCH ARMSTRONG doll, BASE BALL BAT, an issue of BLACK INCHES, a BULL PENIS CANE and your trusty CROOK OF FELONY in your DECK OF CARDS/BATTLEDROBE at all times. You also keeps two licorice GUMMY BEARS with you for good luck, you like to bite their little gummy heads off.

You, Diamonds Droog, and the yet-to-be-named NEW KID drove all the way down to the WAREHOUSE by the PIER to physically interrogate Jimmy 'Slim Jim' Slimm. Well to be specific, Droog did all the interrogating. You sat in the car reading BLACK INCHES, secretly of course, you don't want the NEW KID to see. You should never let someone else see your stash of pornography, not even an inch of it.

You hear someone opening up the passenger door and you quickly stash away your porn stash. Its just Droog, he turns on the radio and twists the dial trying to find a good JAZZY TUNE on one of the stations. He stops and looks at you with his poker face. You look at him with your oblivious face.

...

...

He asks if you just stashed your porn. You shake your head no, why would you do that? He looks at you for another few seconds.

...

Nothing. If he thinks his poker face is going to make you crack he's sadly mistaken. when you look into the Deuce, the Deuce looks into you. Actually your just trying to figure out what goes on in his head...Maybe its ________?

(fill in the blank)

[98714123340]

Love.

[PersonPerson]

YES THIS^

[Patchman]

>Maybe its love?

Hmmmmm...maybe? Maybe it is love! Maybe it isn't?! You can't tell with that poker face of his!

He looks back to the radio, apparently he has given up trying to figure you out. Let's face it, your an enigma. You have even been described as a CRIMINAL MASTERMIND. You, Clubs Deuce, a criminal mastermind. Just let that swirl around in your head for a minute.

Droog finally finds a station that's playing a particularly JAZZY TUNE and then steps back out of the car. You figure he's going to go on top of the car and dance, after all that's what you would do. Instead, he just leans against the car, smokes a cigarette and snaps his fingers.

The NEW KID looks...kind of confused. You know right? What a waste of a perfectly good dancing roof!

[PersonPerson]

Slap the New Kid with the porn.

[petroliuus]

Examine the new kid's choice in clothing.

[Patchman]

>Slap the New Kid with the porn

Oh you would, that NEW KID needs to know that he's the third wheel in this here car. Unfortunately, you lack other READING MATERIAL in which to hide the porn when slapping the kid. To slap the kid with the actual porn itself? That would be disgusting, and a waste of good porn.

>Examine the new kid's choice in clothing

You check out the new kids choice clothing, and you like what you see! That's because he's dressed just like you and Droog; a black suit with a lot of shade. You and Droog dressed him up as such so he would be presentable. You're welcome.

[PersonPerson]

Be the NEW KID. Slap Deuce with his own porn.

[petroliuus]

form a comedy double act with the new kid.