Austafune, Now is the PERFECT time to discover your true calling as a Wizard Bard. Using the Charred Corpse Craft yourself a Musical instrument!
Austafune, Now is the PERFECT time to discover your true calling as a Wizard Bard. Using the Charred Corpse Craft yourself a Musical instrument!
Last edited by Lordlyhour; 06-03-2012 at 07:45 AM.
>: and then?
HAHAR! You have admitted it finally! You, Austafune, Are a WIZARD, of the Wordomantic variety, Asktioneer class! Quickly, Querystion up some Spellgics! Spellgics for the purpose of Spiffleaning your Shoes and apartment also! Or, Y'know, Just continue speaking with the girl. Cook her some breakfast or something. She's probably hungry, what with the contents of her stomach being on your shoes. And her shirt. And the Couch. and the Floor. and Oh Lordy, is that some on the ceiling? Theres some on the ceiling. Oh My God you'll need a Long Mop to get at- Oh wait, Never mind. It's just a bit of Ceiling Fungus. So named for it's natural habitat of the ceilings of WIZARDS Complete and utter slobs
Last edited by Lordlyhour; 05-28-2012 at 02:11 AM.
Dance away. You don't need this.
Why am I here.....Talk to the woman on the phone, she's totes more important
You childishly escarper through your newly made wall hole in search of a 'not shit' kitchen. One with running water perhaps.
QUEST RECEIVED; Retrieve water for Franni
SIDE QUEST(s); get a sandwich
You get your phone from your pocket and try to Pestherfy this person but appears you are out of calling credit. DARN. Looks like you will have to take advantage of your Ultimate super textamondo dealarific plan of the century and use your unlimited SMS's. Of course with this you attained an IM client also to go with this because Telstroptdaphone is an amazing telecommunications company that loves it's customers.
You suppose you can wait for an answer and hope JCITS hasn't upped and decided that she is a hipster. Meanwhile walking down the burnt out hall you notice a fairly undamaged kitchen across one of the many burnt out apartments. This place must be SO cheap, so cheap that they pay you to stay here in fact. What a hole.
You walk into the alright kitchen and immediately start looking for bread.
>: Man, you just have the bitches hanging off you left right and center, what now?
Continue search for bread.
Find a bunch of useless junk.
Throw the corpse out the window. Or call an ambulance. W/E. Get rid of the dirty thing.
Pilfer some corpsemeat to make the sandwhich first though. You've already eaten some. More can;t hurt.
You need sandwhich filling and I doubt you'll find anything in this Dirty Dirty Place
Looking for a refrigerator to find some ice is in order. No one likes warm tap water.
You locate a glass shiny as diamond and attempt to fill it with tap water. Your attempt fails as the tap becomes incredibly hot in your hand as you turn it and steam pours out the faucet. You check to make sure you didn't turn the hot tap and it turns out that you turned the ice water tap. Who even has ice water taps? It's a good idea though.
With this stark revelation that somehow this building is so terrible it has steam instead of water you go back to the first idea and use the cool water in the ice-cube trays.
- A nutcracker
- a couple rolls of toilet paper
- peanut butter
- two slices of bread in a breadbox. And it's toasted already. How queer.
- more dice
- a jar full of dice
- A jaws DVD
- wait what
- A broken handle for a cupboard door
- Lots of DUST
Wait a minute...two things on that list...
You make these items into a sandtoastyPBwich. The greatest edible delight a hangover can muster.
Oh? you seem to have lost your Indexory last night. You can not retrieve any items until you find it. You can only use things you have on hand. Which at the moment is your sandtoastyPBwich and the glass of cool water in a glass shiny as diamond.
You should hurry because your phone is in there, JCITS may have replied!
>: so, now what? Inventory mad search perhaps? Or maybe you take the water back to Franni and ask her if she's seen it? Or do you do something ENTIRELY different.
Use Dice, Play D and D
Also, The cool water thing is OBVIOUSLY part of a fetchquest. That and it wont remain terribly cool for long.
Wait, No, Thats the main Quest. Main Quests are Practically NEVER Fetchquests! Giving her the water will Foward the Plot. Devour the Sandwhich and as a Quest reward, You'll Find it stashed Beneath your Bandanna of +1000 Noodle Hotpot Redness. Don't check under it yet, though. It won't be there yet. You haven't raised the right flag. Seriously, I've tried. Seriou- What, You think you're better than me? Think you break the Games Programming? Huh? Is that it? FINE THEN! See if I care. When you see its not there yet, I'll LAUGH. It will be such a fucking LARF. YES, YES IT WILL.
Last edited by Lordlyhour; 06-03-2012 at 07:23 AM.
Put the jaws DVD in the sandwich and the dice in the water.
Last edited by PersonPerson; 06-03-2012 at 04:15 PM.
You simply must find your indextory, as no decent adventure seeking hungover wizard would be caught dead without it. Of course, no adventure seeking hungover wizard would be caught dead with a normal one. Oh no. It has to be a ridiculously complicated cataloguing indextory. For the lulz.
You smile and turn to your sandwich. Succulent toasted bread with smooth peanut butter glistening from being spread nice and thick, aerated to just the perfect amount to allow for the peanut butter to not overwhelm your mouth and gunk it up...man, this is one sweet looking sandwich. You hear what sounds like someone running through the apartment and turn around, all that is there is Franni sitting on the couch. Huh, funny; you could have sworn someone just bolted across the room. You turn back and take a bite.
It burns your mouth.
It tastes like death, literally.
You spit it out and begin to salivate in a natural response to wanting to get that foul stuff out your mouth. Your tongue is burning.
You hear running footsteps again and look back at the sandwich you dropped, it has a sticky note attached to it.
God damn, your room mate is the only freaking person in this whole freaking world that would do something like this. He is so wound up about pedophiles it isn't funny. But nonetheless, he has been your best friend since you were both in nappies and you love the ass. But why does he have to be such a dick? And what's his obsession with acid. It makes no sense. This isn't the first time you've been the unwilling victim of one of his outbursts of douchebaggery involving acids but this by far is the strongest he has used.
It baffles your brain.
You get your Shelf Indexory.
You wonder what life would have been like without these things, y'know, back before a decade ago. When they played plastation 3 and hadn't witnessed the grand spectacle that was avatar 2. Way back in 2012...not a good year for you. But, nowadays you have the 2023 innovation of the Indexory, a small device that allows for you to store things in an alternate dimension. It scans an item with a neural interface that is in your clothes and transports it to the other dimension through this little disc here. Handy little thing that destroyed the storage industry. Yup. Your particular model is 2 years old and does not have all the newest features. It also has very little memory, so you can't store much other than what would fit on three shelves in a bookshelf.
With this in mind the corporation created this have made a 'shelf' GUI. On the disc it displays a shelf with all your stored items displayed on it. It's really quite handy to have.
You access your Indexory.
Still no messages from JCITS it seems.
>: So, now what?
That Jaws Dvd. Explodify it. Or Defenistrificate it, along with the corpse. Hell, put the DVD in the Corpses mouth and heave them through the window simultaneously. Purge the apartments of evil. Following that, Procceed to Querystion the universe that, Perhaps, a Door would be a better thing to be in the wall to the other apartment, I mean how silly is it that theres a hole there, why would there be a hole? Then, go on to posit that, since there is a Door there, surely they are not two Seperate Aparments, but one, very large apartment, 'cause if theres a door, surely its a continuation 'cause otherwise the Other aparatments owner could just wander in at any time and how could anyone have any privacy. Since by this point you'll have destroyed twoJaws DVDs, bringing your Total up to two and you'll have Gotten rid of any evidence to the contrary, the Universe will have to bow to your Supeririffic Logic and go along with your Spellgics, Making Franni not angrage at you. Also, you'll not be in shit for stealing bread from a corpse. Thats always embarrasing and nothinbg you want on a resume, no sirry Bobalobbicous
Time to explorify the other condos a bit more. Or maybe the outside. Ask Fridaa if you could dislocarry the table. A possible fear for two almost non murderous occasional roomies?
Then ask if you may not have happend to swallogest something akin to make create that memory loss and feeling of explodifyed mess in your mind more generally?
Btw, have the inhabitants of the building good insurance?
Okay, Now, Sorry for Headvading you before another significant Life-chunk passes, But something has suddenly Occured to me. You, Harry Austafune, are a wizard and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, you don't have a Familiar. Now, Since Theres nothing here to bendjugate to your will, You'll have to improvise. Since you're feeling so Lucky, you may as well continue that streak, so get the Jar O' Dice. This will be your Familiar's Body. Then use the Nost Powerful Bonding agent you have (Vis, the Peanut Butter) To Stick some Bandages as White as Mud and some Bogrolls as Brown as Snow in a rough Facimily of a face.Now, He will be Jarchester. You will love him and He you. if nothing else, Having an Imaginary freind who's head is filled with dice will be handy for Pickup Games of DnD.
You boggle your brain at this for a good two minutes.
You have an idea you probably should have had ages ago, you ask Franni to help you move the table out the wall. She is more than happy to oblige to this as it is her apartment and she might want to leave it some time. It takes an awful amount of shoving and pushing but you get it loose eventually. And hey, someone is trying to reach you on your phone! You will get them outside where the reception is better.
You Escarper the apartment and it only took four times longer than it should have!
When you get outside after a small divvy through what is only to be presumed as a small lobby of some sort you see a very burnt looking door up ahead with a soft glow coming from underneath it, this is probably the exit. You go to go through the door but it dissolves in your hands! crumbling to little more than soot as you grabbed the handle. Outside you are treated to a lovely predicament.
The rest of the apartment seems to have been...damaged. On further inspercation you see that the air is very hot and thick with a sulfur like smell. There is a glow coming from through the trees...which are also burnt to a crisp. You hear small bangs in the direction of the glowing very repeatedly and the stone you stand on is very singed. Oh boy it is singed. You can't even take steps and leave footprints in the soot as well, it's not soot, the stone cement has just changed colour due to something. It's like there was a bushfire here and nobody told you!
Ahem, Your phone. It is still giving you messages. You sit down on a ledge and begin to text this person. Who is decidedly not he previous person.
Oh god dammit. Every damn time. You just can not catch a break today.
>So now what?
Well the first thing would be to wonder why you seem to be in an apartment that appears to have been burnt to the ground. It's like I'm the sole voice of reason sometimes.
Ask Franni if she got a line and computer somewhere. Or simply a radio, actually and selectune it till you get the news.
>Ponder if you should explore more outside. Start to actually freak out, maybe you barely escaped with your life, since other people from the apartment seem to have been less lucky.
Browsearch your Phone for a News App. All smart superiffic Dwellers of shitscrement burnt out appartments should have one. Also, Ponder as to why Everything appears to have been on fire. Come to the conclusion it is your fault, somehow. Probably your whole world is contained in the Jaws DVDs you're been blowing up left right and center.
Be Showbags guy.
Man do you love your apps. You don't really know what you would do without them! Well, you decide you're about to find out because there is a media blackout right now.
Most of your apps are not working. The only working ones are your IM and Camerapp. And you all you can do in Camerapp right now is take photo's and not edit them. Darn this media blackout.
You ponder why everything is burnt and/or on fire. You are far too deep in denial to even realise things are wrong to draw any conclusions and you just presume this is a city-wide fire drill with a realistic media blackout and strategically placed corpses. About time they got people prepared for this sort of thing! I mean, the whole city could spontaneously combust any time! people need to know what to do! It's damn important!
You are great at preparing for improbable events, I am proud of you son.
You go back to the apartment to find Franni missing, probably just using the toilet or something you presume. You find an intact boombox on a shelf in the room, it has coffee mug rings on the top of it and is missing a few buttons but oh well, it will do for now.
You selecatune it to the "New, New News channel" and find it's just repeating a message.
Just playing that message it was, every now and then bumping up an area in risk level or adding one to the bottom.
You start to breathe quite heavily.
This is not meant to be happening.
This is not good, no no no no no no no no. NO.
You turn around very quickly because you damn well need to find Franni NOW. You trip on a piece of lifted carpet and fall right on your face. You now have a nosebleed. Brilliant, just one more thing to add to the list of BULLSHIT THAT IS SO FUCKED UP IT ISN'T FUNNY. YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN ANGRY RIGHT NOW.
You get up quickly and go down the hall in search of Franni. Going to a door you haven't tried yet you don't even bother with the still intact doorhandle and just boot the thing in. It splinters into a few charred pieces and you enter. No Franni.
You do this for several doors until your blind rage clears up a little and you come to the conclusion you don't have enough info yet to be so upset. You head back to the radio to see if there has been many updates. When you arrive there is a Jaws DVD on the radio with "play me" written on it. As well as the word "pedophile" scratched into the radio.
Your roomie is here, and he is NOT helping. You love him to bits but sometimes he is a dick.
There have been no updates as of yet that stand out to you, maybe the addition of Rockhampton to the high risk list but otherwise nothing much.
Oh look, JCITS has decided to try and get back to you.
>What now jackass:
First, Find your Tits. They are likely to be cowering under the Sofa. Find them, Grasp them and Pat them Fondly. Whisper loving words of Encouragement and Support to your Tits. Explain to your tits that this is not a time for panic, but a time of Self Collection and cool Logic. You, my freind, need to calm your tits.
Then You should probably go answer JCITS. You're both gunna die soon, so before you're broiled to death by the Solar flares or space lasers or what have you, Say your fond farewells, Confess anything that needs confessing and go and wait for death. Try to reconcile yourself with the fact you are merely mortal, your demise is imminent and everyone you know and love is Dead, or will be soon. Make your peace with your god, if you have one and if you don't Pick one and Quickly. Try not to wonder how you're going to die and avoid imagining what it'll feel like, having your flesh seared and your Eyes melt from your skull while your blood boils and your brain fries. And Remember, Stay calm.