Scrollbound: An Elder Scrolls Adventure (IC)

[MrCreazil]

Oh, you wish M'aiq to tell you about history? Why does everyone always have so many questions for M'aiq? Why look to the past? Mai'q prefers to look toward the future.Past the opened gates and dragon's wrath, to a time of peace. What? Peace boring? M'aiq is concerned about your sanity. tells you the tale of a game, Mai'q loves games, mai'q's entire life could be compared to a game. Or several. The nevarine's land and oblivion's jaws, stormcloak's stand and Time dragon's loss. All of these things have come and gone, what happens now? Why don't you read on.

Ah, but much has changed. Cars, computers, indoor plumbing, people finally started putting magicka to good use. Uses that do not involve hurting M'aiq. Usually. Nord drivers are notoriously careless. Hm? Well of course we use magicka, what else would we use? Stupid Dwemer took everything else. Such selfish creatures, not even turning the lights out when they left. M'aiq shudders to think what their electric bill would look like by now. M'aiq knows a thing or two about late fees. Still, traveling is more interesting than paying bills. The debt collectors add some excitement, no?

But M'aiq is getting distracted again. You wanted a story, yes? A tale of courage and violence and other such nonsense? M'aiq knows such a tale, and is willing to bet you have not heard it. Our story begins, as such stories often do, with a young drunk who punches people for a living. He is the closest M'aiq can find to a leader in this confused little band. How he got to be one is a mystery. Perhaps you should ask him yourself and leave M'aiq alone. You will find him living in the shadow of the Throat of the World. Perhaps on the Shoulders of the World, or its collarbone. M'aiq does not know.

[Aerozone]

>Wake up you lazy bum, we have guests.

Wha…?

>WAKE UP ROLF.

AHHH YOU'RE AWAKE. You're awake. Woo boy, that was a good night last night. Lets see, you remember winning your fight at the Arena, being carried out of the ring and into the bar upstairs, as usual, and then…hmm. Something about a Khajit? And possible jumping into a stream at 2 o' clock in the morning. All things considered a pretty normal night.

You kick your sheets off, tug on a pair of jeans laying around on the floor, wash your face at the sink and walk out to the workshop. There's a shirt on top of one of the tool cabinets. You pull it on and sit down at the desk with the computer in the back.

Looks like Kaie is online, you should pester her.

[MrCreazil]

>Get ye Scrollian

Ye can't get ye Scrollian! Nah, you totally can. It's like, right over there.

>Then get it already!

I am, I am! sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] began pestering tallOrder [TO] at 22:05 --
BB: Kaie!
TO: rolf!
TO: wassup?
BB: How's it going?
TO: all right!
TO: hehehehe
TO: just saw the new dovahkiin movie.
BB: There's a new one?
TO: yeah!
BB: I haven seen any posters!
BB: Whas it called?
TO: the eye of winterhold
BB: oooooooooooooh
BB: tha one cam out lik a winter ago
BB: it only just got to morrowind?
TO: yeah, they can be kinda bitchy about nord movies sometimes.
TO: :/
BB: All the worse for them!
BB: Hahah!
TO: yeah.
BB: so whad ya tink?
TO: IT
TO: WAS
TO: AWESOME
TO: kinda miss skyrim though :/
TO: the drinking age here is EIGHTEEN
TO: you believe that?
BB: WHAT
BB: No
BB: Yer pullin me leg agian
BB: not gunn fall fer it this time
TO: nope
TO: rolf
TO: you know if i pulled your leg it'd come off.
BB: well ye theres that buh its an expresion
TO: talos truth here, buddy.
BB: damn
BB: maybe skyrim should take a leaf from the empire's book and invade some places
TO: yeah, i sneak some of ma's sometimes, but she doesn't let me have it.
BB: change the drinking age
BB: thas a crime!
BB: But!
BB: There is a solution!
TO: yeah?
BB: remember tha game were supposed tah play?
TO: yes!
BB: i dun knwo how but im apprentl in charg of organizing errebody
TO: that should be fun!
BB: so i did some researh, like a proper leader shuld
TO: cool!
TO: what you find?
BB: an apparently we will be able to creat things and interact with each others environment
BB: so i can like
BB: make ye some mead
TO: HELL YEAH
BB: or grab some from somewhere else or somethin i dunno
BB: buh yea, i gotta orgcnia errbody
BB: so
TO: sew
BB: do you haev the gaem rreadd to go?
BB: installed and errething?
TO: still gotta install it :U
TO: i should do that like
TO: soon
BB: thas okay
TO: probably gonna install it tomorrow or today or something.
BB: do you got the epople your gunna connect to figured out?
TO: no idea
TO: should probably figure that out.
TO: what about you?
BB: i figure as ur nobel leadr i shoul go first
TO: true!
BB: bu other than tha, wherreerre im needed
TO: aye aye, sir!
BB: well, start thining aboot it while we still got pletn o time
BB: i gotta go chek the others, so i will talk to ye later
TO: aye captain!
TO: later rolf!
-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering bacchanalBarfly [BB] at 22:26 --

That was cool. Rolf's your best bro ever. Well not like literal bro, he's way too small.

>What now?

Dunno. Nothing much t-wait did someone scroll you?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- sabertoothBorn [SB] began pestering tallOrder [TO] at 20:24 --
-- sabertoothBorn [SB] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] at 20:25 --

Huh. Well better see what that's about.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering sabertoothBorn [SB] at 20:25 --
TO: dar?
TO: did you just scroll me?
SB: oh, hey there.
TO: hey!
TO: what's up?
SB: nah, i was going to call thar, but misclicked
SB: anyways, not a lot.
SB: stole stuff, as usual.
TO: well duh.
TO: man this place is BOOOOOOOOOOOORING
SB: really?
TO: yeah, not nearly as cool as i thought it'd be.
TO: and i keep breaking my desks :U
SB: oh, right.
TO: can't even sneak out ot those kickass ruins.
SB: ...if you like the ruins, why would you want to leave the place?
TO: ma won't let me near them!
SB: ah, sneak out to the ruins.
SB: i thought you were saying sneak out of the ruins.
TO: dar.
TO: yeah
TO: >:(
TO: hard to sneak around really.
SB: i understand that, with your size and all.
TO: yeah, i kinda stick out here.
SB: sounds like it, yes.
TO: where you lying low this time?
SB: my house, as usual.
TO: oh, thought you'd moved again.
TO: aderp
SB: why would i need to?
TO: if you got caught 8^y
TO: but that never happens, right?
TO: because you're a...
TO: ...
TO: /cat/ /burglar/
TO: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
SB: ...that was sort of racist, you know.
TO: sorry :(
SB: well, it is alright.
SB: i guess my skill really is unmatched.
TO: you gotta teach me that sometime.
SB: yeah, i might.
TO: thanks!
TO: :D
TO: man that would rock!
SB: well, yeah.
TO: could finally get some real exploring done!
SB: yep, it would be amazing.
TO: the amazingest.
TO: you gotta find an excuse to come to vvardenfell sometime.
SB: i will see if i can do that.
SB: maybe.
TO: awesome!!!
TO: *brofists*
SB: ...yeah.
SB: *brofists*
TO: internet brofist counter +1
TO: irl brofist counter still 0
SB: oh well, you can not win them all, i guess.
TO: yeah, guess not.
TO: everyone's real skittish about it.
SB: i wonder why.
TO: yeah, i mean it's not like i knock things into orbit every time i touch something.
TO: i can use doors and computers and stuff just fine.
TO: :P
TO: you still there dude?
TO: >:\
TO: UGGGGGGGGGGH
TO: fine, i'll talk to you later.
TO: when scrollian stops being a butt.
-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering sabertoothBorn [SB] at 21:10 --

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH DAMMIT SCROLLIAN
Y U NO LET ME TALK TO SEXY FURRIES

>Okay let's just... visit someone else.

[Jovian]

>Let's visit the dark elf.

That's dunmer, thank you very little.



You are now RUVENE, better known as just Ru.

Today's a pretty exciting day for you. It has to be, because you don't call days "exciting" that often.

Running from Imperial guards? Normal.
Traveling the country via caravan? Normal.
Swindling wallets from unsuspecting civilians? Normal.
Selling bootlegged goods? Oh so normal.

The difference today is that your beloved (and often irritating) SISTER is getting a copy of a sweet new game, simply called SCRAWL. It's supposed to have virtual reality capabilities and role-playing elements and everything. She's been talking about it all week, and has offered to play it with you. Apparently you need at least two people to play? You can deal with that.

Sis is out for the moment (probably getting that game!!), leaving you alone in your HOME CARAVAN with full control of her laptop.

You kick open SCROLLIAN and log in to your handle--lilacChaser--without any particular intention to talk to anyone. You're not entirely sure why you have this thing, but you guess some people on it are worth talking to.

It's time to begin the anxious waiting.

[Pepperedfox]

>Be that Imperial girl.


Your name is...

Uh...

Waityoujusthadthis!!!

Oh! Yeah, yeah! CLARETTA CONTADINO! Whew, that was a close one! You don't know what you would've done if you'd forgotten your own name! You would've been pegged with something unseemly like Buttstink Farmlass as a replacement, you bet.

It's a beautiful day today in SOLITUDE! The sun is up and shining, the streets are bustling with activity and spoony bards, and you have the whole apothecary to yourself, since MOTHER just left earlier to get an exterminator for your skeever problem. At least, you remember it as a skeever problem. It could've been something else, but that's beside the point.

Because today is the day that you play a GLORIOUS new game with your friends called--!

... SPAWL? SCRUBS? SBURB? God dammit you just had it. Which arm did you write it on? There it is. You are getting tired of this running gag here. SCRAWL!

Yes, today is the day where you finally break away from the dull humdrum of everyday routine and Harvest Moon. It is the day where you leap into the unknown and become a HERO!!

At least, that's what the advertisements said, heehee.

And would you look at that, you already have someone pestering you. This adventure is off to an exciting start!

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering potentFlora [PF] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

RS: CLARE
PF: OhhelloThar!!!
RS: YOU HAVE THE CAHS TO REVIVE ONE DEAD MAGIC SCHOOL.
RS: WHICH ONE IS IT.
PF: Huh?????
PF: Deadmagic school?
PF: Whichmagic schoolisdead?
PF: :0
PF: Iamveryconfused!
RS: Metaphorical. I read books that told ancient magic schools that either died out or were converged with other schools.
PF: OhIsee!!
PF: Well, I'dchoosetheonethat dabblesthe mostinalchemy!!!
RS: Isn't alchemyy still used todayy?
PF: Wellhmmm!!!!
RS: Okayy, mayybe not as much and onlyy byy creepyy goblins who live at l'top floor of ominous towers, but myy point stands.
PF: Hey!!! Alchemyistotallystillapplicable.
PF: It'sstill extremelyuseful!
RS: Applicible in what wayys that are convienent in everyydayy life?
RS: MEDICINE DOESN'T COUNT.
PF: It'snotjust medicine!!!
PF: It'sinvisibility andflying andpoison andtons ofothercoolthings!
PF: Um... andingredientstaste great!
PF: Theycan addsomespice toyourcooking :D
RS: First off, poison doesn't exist.
RS: And neither do volcanos.
RS: Icebergs do, though.
PF: Youareconfusing meVern :|
PF: Areyouhigh likeArri??
RS: Pfffff.
RS: I don't substance like that to get creative.
RS: I just use light sips of skooma.
PF: That'snotany different!!!
PF: :P
RS: And I've yyet to taste soup that actuallyy tastes good with nightshade flowers.
PF: I canmakeittaste goodIbet!! >:3
RS: I expect myy life expentencyy to drop substantiallyy with yyour cooking mixed with alchemyy.
PF: Hey!!! Mycookingisnot thatbad!
PF: Idon't killasmany gerbils asIdid before!
RS: I can see yyou going some making soup for a desperatelyy lonelyy, and might I add DASHING fellow, to tryying to make a vial of deathvenom and other jingamjiggles.
RS: Oh god myy life is flashing before myy eyyes.
RS: I CAN SEE MY FAMILY I NEVER KNEW.
PF: Hey!!!
RS: THEY'RE MORE DASHING AND BEAUTIFUL THAN I EVER IMAGINED.
PF: First offyou're notthatdashing, silly :P
PF: And secondly Idon'tuseanything that'slethal!!
RS: PROVE ME WRONG PEON
RS: Your, I suspect there to be, dead gerbil pile sayys otherwise.
PF: Ican sendyou a nicealchemy pieif youreallywant!
PF: And Idon't haveadeadgerbil pile anymore!!
PF: Tobehonest Ithink a lotofthem committed strange suicide :|
RS: Even l'gerbils commited suicide in yyour prescence.
RS: But I think I'll take up that alchemyy pie. yyum yyum. >X3
RS: This incrediblyy handsome fellow needs some food in his stomach.
PF: Well, Idon't knowhow gerbils stabthemselves, but okay!!!
PF: Andagain: youaren't THAThandsome :P
PF: But I'llbehappy tosend the averagelooking gentleman apie.
RS: This gentleman awaits his death-pie.
RS: Until then
RS: Tootles.

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering potentFlora [PF] --

Oh Vern. He's quite a fun guy to talk to, even if he's a little... uh... energetic! You make a note to bake him a nice pie later. Maybe you'll slip in some gerbil as well, just to prove to him that you can make good pies with anything. And besides, there's plenty of gerbils laying around the house all stabbed-up. Quite frankly, you have no clue how that happened, but it doesn't bother you too much! You're used to dead animals scattered in your home. Besides, they provide useful ingredients.

Speaking of ingredients, you are feeling a little peckish. It's time to have a small snack. You glance around to make sure that no one's watching you before you slip into the supply cabinet. A new batch of ingredients just came in, and you swear you just saw something that you've never nibbled at before. Sure enough, after rummaging amongst the dusty shelves, you've retrieved 1xBAG OF CHAURUS EGGS (CRUSHED)! What a great discovery!!!!!

You taste a little, just like any good alchemist would. Mmm... wow. This is actually pretty good. How about another handful? Oh Mara THIS IS SO DELICIOUS AND SCRUMPTIOUS.

>Clare: Devour that bag!
You do, postehaste! Mmm-mmm good! Thank Mara for that divine snack!

... wait. Where are your legs?

Uh-oh. You probably should call for help on this one.

-- potentFlora [PF] began pestering tallOrder [TO] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PF: Vern Ineed someadvice fromyou!
TO: :U
TO: i'm not vern...
PF: Oh.
PF: Oh!
PF: I'm sorrydear Aletta!
TO: i'm kaie.
PF: ... right! Kaie. Iknewthat.
TO: what's up clare?
PF: Wellit's notabigdeal reallyit's justasmallissue
PF: Nothinghuge!
TO: :O
TO: what is it?
PF: Ithinkthat Imayhave stumbledupon somethingquite
PF: Hmm
PF: Deliciousbut maybedangerous!
TO: ooooooooooo what is it?
TO: now i kinda wanna try it.
PF: Tobe honestI amnot sure itwas some kindof dust.
PF: Oooh wait I think I havethis writtensomewhere.
TO: o3o
PF: Its anegg!
PF: Um chaurustobeexact.
PF: Iactually thinkits quitetasty.
TO: cool!
TO: what's it taste like?
PF: Hmmlike the crunchiest mintiestgravelyiest poprock you've ever eaten!
TO: wow!
TO: that sounds awesome except maybe the gravel part.
PF: Ithink it'ssooooo good
PF: Yes!
PF: Buuuuut I thinkthere weresome...
PF: Unintended sideeffects??
TO: like what?
PF: Well!
PF: Idon't think I canquite seemylegs anymore
TO: what?
PF: Yeah I kindofate alot.
PF: Itwas reallyhard to stopeating once I hadthefirst one.
PF: Infact I thinkmyfingers area littlebit faded!
TO: wow!
TO: umm...
TO: do you feel okay?
PF: Noit doesn't hurtat all!
PF: I mean I feltalittle dizzy atfirst
PF: But Ithink that'spassed! Whichisa goodthing!
TO: great!
PF: Butman if Mothercomes homeshe's going to knowthat I've been inthestoreroom again.
TO: still might wanna keep a poison cure on hand.
PF: Ohright!
PF: DuhClare!
PF: Iknew I wasforgetting somethingimportant!
TO: just in case.
PF: Foundit!
TO: great!
PF: ... waitthis is hotsauce ACK.
PF: ... here'sthereal one!
TO: easy mistake to make.
PF: Well I'll letyouknow if I becomepermanently invisibleor not.
PF: Ikind of hope I will.
TO: could be inconvenient though.
TO: hard to talk to people, can't catch a cab,
PF: I'msure there'ssome wayaround it! There'salways scrolls andother ways tomake yourself seen.
PF: OhI should testthe limits of this invisibilitywhile it lasts!
TO: guess so!
TO: rack up a me-sized prankster's gambit while you can!
PF: Youbet I will!
PF: LaterKhe!
TO: Kaie
TO: later clare!
PF: Ohright I knew that.
PF: Byethen Kaie!

-- potentFlora [PF] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] --

>Clare: Activate trickster mode.
Heeheehee hoohoohoo... those townspeople won't even know what hit them! >:D

You close up the shop before gleefully scurrying out into the streets. This will be the greatest prank ever pulled! Bards will sing about it for centuries to come! Jesters will look back upon your mayhem with envy and your legendary tricks will be the tales aspiring thieves tell their children! WATCH OUT SOLITUDE, HERE COMES CLARE CONTADINO!

... now, where were you going to go again?? Wait, which street is this???

... craaaaap, you should've brought a map.

[Jovian]

>Ruvene: pry.



There isn't too much on SIS'S LAPTOP; just a bunch of work-related stuff and your basic chat and internet programs.

Though you've always wondered about that suspiciously-named "RU DON'T CLICK THIS" folder...

...

After some clicking through various folders named "RU SERIOUSLY GO AWAY", "FUCKING DON'T CLICK IT", "I MEAN IT", and "WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE"...

...

There remains only one folder left.

Just one...

Its title...

...

"ARGONIAN ACTION"

...

You close out of the folders.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You suddenly feel very uncomfortable about Sis's choice in wallpaper.

[Pepperedfox]

>Be the... high high elf.


That isn't fair, now! You aren't high... most of the time.

Your name is ARRILLE and you are extremely pleased with yourself. You've just finished filming a swell movie called the oogie boogie woogie dance in the eyes of a salamdner that lost its home to the clutches of the tyrannical sheeple-eating hawk that is also a stage crew manager that takes place in medieval nirn pt.9 3/4. It's one of your numerous masterpieces. You are so proud of yourself. Who's the genius filmmaker now, AUNTIE??

It's sweltering hot, as it usually is. After such tough work on the set you're worn out. Currently you're occupying the sofa, stretched all over the sucker like it's your personal lounge chair. Auntie's outside the trailer, doing whatever dumb thing she does. So you have some alone time to blast some music or chat it up with your cacti. Your cacti are simply the best stand-in companions when your friends aren't online. Helps with the nights when you're bored and alone.

But it seems like some friends of yours are on! What a stupendous stroke of luck! You set about to pestering one of them straightaway.

-- dogtoothsUraeus [DU] began pestering intentListener [IL] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DU: Suuuuup dude ~L_-
IL: hello friend.
IL: how goes it?
DU: Pretty gud rly
DU: U?
IL: also good.
DU: R u having fun down in the down under
IL: i am north in mountains.
IL: i see not how that down under is.
DU: Well whatevs i thought u lived south to me or somethin
DU: Somethin like that yknow? i mean that wat that cactus told me
IL: what
DU: did i mistype somethin? yes cactus
DU: cacti can talk too u kno
IL: no.
IL: they can not.
DU: Haha howd u explain the one i just talked to then huh??
DU: I know ur tryin to get into my head but its not gonna work sweetie ~L_-
IL: drugs.
IL: many drugs.
IL: i want not what in your head is.
DU: Hey i dont take that much drugs ill have u kno!
IL: so do you.
DU: Yeah, u better stay outta my head, sheeple bc whats in there is too deep for ya.
DU: And leik name two times when i have been super-stoned.
IL: today.
IL: yesterday.
IL: the day before.
IL: should i on go?
DU: Waaaat no.
DU: I was not stoned yesterday! or today.
DU: I am totes sober right now.
IL: clearly.
DU: Ur sarcasm is not appreciated treehugger -L_-
IL: i hug trees not.
IL: anyways.
DU: Gosh it was an insult. U dont take those srsly dummy!!
IL: know you of scrawl?
DU: Yesssssss!
DU: Its that super obscure an ~mysterious~ game, amirite?
IL: yes.
IL: we make a team for it.
IL: want you to play?
DU: Of course i do!
DU: It is the most indie game ever.
IL: except that aldusoft it made.
DU: ... wat, really?
DU: Ugh downer! Then i guess i wont play it -L_-
IL: it was a joke.
DU: Fuuuuuuuuuu thar stop messin with me!
IL: okay, i will a truce call.
DU: I cant tell when ur jokin. ur soooo deadpan its not even funny.
IL: you mean that it so deadpan that it funny is.
DU: Lolno its not funny, just hella confusing.
IL: it can both be.
DU: Ok, ok.
DU: N y way yeah im totes playin!
DU: Who else is in?
IL: we have about ten people.
DU: Whoooa dats leik a lot.
-- intentListener [IL] sent dogtoothsUraeus [DU] playerlist.txt --
DU: Hmm i dont kno som of these peeps -L_-
DU: Guess this calls for...... interrogations!!
IL: they are friendly.
IL: you can with them talk.
DU: Yea well, i wanna see if any of em are interestin u kno!
DU: Leik if this is going to be a blast of a game or a boooooore.
IL: they are.
IL: i think it a bllast be will.
DU: Hmm, well ok, i will test dat theory myself.
IL: okay.
DU: Laaater, tharry! ~L_-
DU: pchooooooooooooooo'
DU: o
IL: goodbye friend.

-- dogtoothsUraeus [DU] ceased pestering intentListener [IL] --

You scan the player list again and find to your delight that you know most of them! Yeah, even though this game will be a sheeple's game, at least you'll have your friends to help you through it. That'll make it somewhat less degrading and conforming. So long as you're there to keep them from conforming, which you swear to do! Nope, the government ain't gonna indoctrinate your friends on your watch, ever!

Oh wait... your bffsies4lyffe is on squeeeeee.

-- dogtoothsUraeus [DU] began pestering lilacChaser [LC] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DU: Heeeeeeey ru-ru ~L_-
DU: I see ur finally on sup gurl
LC: omfg stop calling me that
DU: What ru-ruuuuuuuu~
DU: But its my pet name for u
DU: Becuz i luv u so
DU: <3333333333
LC: ....
LC: why
LC: why do you do this
LC: why are you doing this
LC: stop
DU: U kno u liek it ru-ru ~L_-
DU: I kno u do
DU: Winkawonk
LC: omfg stop toking it up
LC: do you ever chat when youre not high
DU: Omg dont be such a moodkiller im just trying to talk to my bffsies4lyffe
DU: Cant a gurl do that anymore
LC: im not your bff fuck off
DU: Dude dont be leik those preps and brush me off ru-ru
LC: no im serious
LC: please
LC: why
LC: why are you doing this
LC: does this conversation have an actual point
DU: Omg im so glad u asked bc i was totes gonna ask u a favor
LC: .....
LC: what
LC: kind of favor.
DU: A buddyfavor
DU: Leik u kno
DU: A solid
DU: Leik see
LC: ...
DU: I made this rrrrrrrrrlly cool movie ok
DU: And leik
LC: ughhhhhh
LC: you mean """movie"""
LC: what did you film toilet paper this time
DU: Since u are my bestest friend ever ru-ru u shuld like help critique it
LC: oh well ok i can do that.
LC: this turned out very well.
DU: Naaaaaah its not a remake of "the life of a beetle composed upon toilet paper in illegible ink thus symbolizing sum shit i dont remember"
DU: Tho i leik that one a lot
LC: ...
LC: urhgudsgusdgdhfhgfjfdsghfdsagdsfjdsgfsdg
DU: Ok leik wait imma send u da file ~L_-
-- dogtoothsUraeus [DU] sends bestmovieeverinthehistoryofever.avi --
LC: ...
LC: does this have an actual title
DU: Yeah i call it "the lies of the music industry as told from the view of a suntanning lizard who is also eating a fly who is also farting angellically and puking rainbows metaphorically bc fuck u its cool"
LC: holy shit
LC: ok nvm that is the fucking best movie title ever 10/10
DU: I knew ud like it ru-ru ~L_-
LC: ok im watching it now
DU: Yaaaaaaaaaay
LC: i think the scenes need more correlation
LC: like
LC: maybe
LC: elvis visits the lizard
LC: what does the lizard think? who is this visitor?
LC: suddenly, his worldview is expanded
LC: who is this strange person? this being he has never seen before?
LC: his mind expands into the cosmos
DU: Omg yes i leik this idea about elvis visiting the lizard anf duck
DU: This so goddamn cool therell be like
DU: this deep symbolism all over the place and all
DU: with their conversation as they talk about spaghetti
LC: i think michael jackson should be the villain but that's just me
DU: yes bc michael jackson is such a prep
DU: Yes yes i leik this
DU: This has potentials for sequals and shit
DU: Thank u soooooooooo much ru-ru ~L_-
LC: np
LC: its gonna be a box office smash
DU: Yes and it will incite rebellion against teh system and all dat bc peeps will be aware of how teh govs takes advantage of em and stuff
LC: and then
LC: we will finally reach singularity
DU: And then we will be rich and give all our moneyz aweay to our grandchildren and sheep and stuff and ascend to nirvana
LC: yeah sure that works
DU: I wouldnt have any other peep with me mah bff ~L_- then we can leik make movies together in our hyperspace hous with a white picket fence and shit
DU: 4ever
LC: ...
LC: ok no stop talking about this ok thanks
DU: But ru-ru i luv u
DU: In a platonic nonlesbian but slightly lesbianic way
LC: um
LC: look my sis wants the computer back
LC: ok? ok

-- lilacChaser [LC] ceased pestering dogtoothsUraeus [DU] --

Oh, Ru-Ru.

ONE DAY YOU SHALL WIN OVER HER HERAT <3<3<3

But for now you're pretty happy with messing with her. It's sooooo much fun. Like noodles and oodles of fun and poker night with the cacti kinda fun. But nuff of this shit. You got a game to illegally pirate here! You're ready to kick some gamer butt here.

[Aerozone]

>Rolf: Go about your business

Gladly.

You yawn and stretch out. That talk with Kaie has reminded you that you need to download the game for later if you want to play it. You can let it do its thing while you get some work done in the shop. You pop the disc labeled Scawl CLIENT into you computer, begin blasting some music, and start working on your bike.

A few hours later you emerge from you work a great deal sweatier and greasier than when you started. Looks like the client has finished, so you take it out and pop in the SERVER disc. Sounds like Gramps is calling you up to the front garage, so you head over, leaving the computer to do its stuff.

[MrCreazil]

>Be the handsome Bosmer lad

well that about...


>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA

okay enough!

Your name is THARTAAG and you have a SECRET. Then again, our readers probably guessed that around the time the narrator FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT. But today you have no time to gripe about the woes of being a SECRET FALMER, you have a game to prepare for.

>Invite your lady friend

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- intentListener [IL] began bothering royalInflection [RI] at 00:42 --
IL: hello, friend.
IL: latroe?
RI: HELLO IL, HOW GOES THE UNDERGROUND?
IL: i know not, i go not often in the mines.
IL: but i am well.
IL: how goes it?
RI: ALRRRIGHT I SUPOSE, MY MASTER IS ASLEEP. ALWAYS GOOD.
IL: master?
IL: want i to know?
RI: I AM BOUND TO SURRRVE HIM ETC ETC
RI: DID YOU NEED SOMETHING FRRRIEND?
IL: well, have you of SCRAWL heard?
RI: YES, I'VE HEARRRD OTHERRRS SPEAK OF IT.
IL: have you it?
RI: I HAVE TAKEN IT APON MYSELF TO OBTAIN A COPY. I AM NOT SURE I HAVE TIME FOR A CHILDS GAME.
IL: well, we now a team make.
IL: and it is no child game.
RI: IT IS NOT? A TEAM YOU SAY?
IL: yes.
IL: lies-in-wait and vern are already with us.
IL: and i.
RI: ARRRE YOU ASKING ME TO JOIN THIS?
IL: yes.
IL: we hope a larger group to make.
RI: I AM MORRRE INTERRRESTED IF THERRRE ARRRE COMRRRADES INVOLVED. I AM WARRRY THOUGH, THIS GAME SOUNDS STRRRANGE.
IL: perhaps is it a good strange.
RI: MAYBE. WILL I BE ON YOURRR TEAM?
IL: i know not how we this divide will.
IL: but perhaps.
IL: do you wish on the same team to be, or not to be?
RI: IF I AM ON YOURRR TEAM WE WILL WORRRK TOGETHERRR,
RI: IF I AM NOT I WILL BE TRRRYING TO BEAT YOU!
IL: have you a preference between them?
RI: BOTH SOUND EQUALLY EXCITING, FRRRIEND.
IL: perhaps the same team.
IL: i want not your enemy to be.
RI: INDEED YOU DON'T. I CRRRUSH ALL WHO STAND IN MY WAY.
IL: exactly.
IL: well, i hope that we well together work will.
RI: I WILL PLAY! I LOOK FORRRWARRRD TO COMPETING WITH OTHERRRS.
IL: great!
IL: i also.'
RI: EXCELLENT! I WILL BE PRRREPARRRED FORRR WHAT COMES.
IL: well, is anything else with you new?
RI: SAME AS ALWAYS WITH ME. I KILLED MANY THINGS TODAY. YOU, FRRRIEND?
IL: i have not today killed.
RI: A RRRELAXING THOUGHT FORRR ME. IS IT FORRR YOU?
IL: killing or not killing?
RI: NOT KILLING. i WISH TO BE DOING SOMETHING MORRRE PRRRODUCTIVE!
IL: i have also not productive been.
IL: except for game things.
RI: YOU SEEM FOCUSED ON THIS GAME. WHAT DOES IT ENVOLVE?
IL: i have heard that it both a roleplaying and sim game is.
IL: there are construction elements.
IL: although the reviews vague are.
RI: OH I AM UNSURRRE IF I WILL DO WELL. I AM BETTERRR AT DESTRRRUCTION THEN CONSTRRRUCTION.
IL: well, maybe can you both do.
IL: it is possible.
RI: GRRREAT, I CAN CERRRTAINLY HANDLE THAT.
IL: great!
RI: YOU WILL BE LEADING?
IL: i know not.
IL: i may try.
RI: SHAME. YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD LEADERRR.
IL: think you so?
IL: really?
RI: YES YOU ARRRE POWERRRFUL WITH WORRRDS
IL: thanks!
RI: EVEN IF YOU SPEAK BACKWARRRDS AT TIMES!
IL: ...
IL: thanks, i guess.
RI: YOU ARRRE WELCOME, FRRRIEND.
IL: and you will a great ally make!
RI: YES, IF I DO NOT MESS EVERRRYTHING UP!
IL: i trust that you will not.
IL: from what i hear are you quite formidable
RI: I SUPPOSE! MY AGGRRRESIVENESS IS WHAT WOULD GIVE ON THAT OPINION.
IL: i suppose.
RI: THARRRTAAG YOU ARRRE A GOOD FRRRIEND AND A GOOD LISTENERRR
RI: MAY I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
IL: thanks.
IL: yes.
IL: what must you tell?
RI: WE TALK TO THE SAME BEINGS. THEY ALL BELONG TO NIRRRN
IL: yes.
RI: BUT I DO NOT BELONG TO NIRRRN! I FEEL LEFT OUT. YOU ALL SEEM HAPPY BEING HERRRE.
RI: I DO NOT UNDERRRSTAND.
IL: what mean you, that you not to nirn belong?
RI: I WAS NOT BORRRN TO NIRRRN. BUT EVERRRYONE ELSE WAS.
RI: IS THAT ACCEPTED?
IL: to where were you born?
IL: well, regardless are we still friends.
RI: RRREALLY? WE WILL STILL BE FRRRIENDS?
IL: yes.
IL: of course will we be.
RI: OKAY.
RI: I WAS BORRRN TO THE PLANES.
IL: oh.
IL: the planes of oblivion?
RI: UH YES.
RI: FRRRIEND
RI: STILL FRRRIENDS YOU SAID SO!
IL: yes.
IL: then have we both secrets.
RI: THARRRTAAG HAS SECRRRETS?
IL: yes.
IL: will you this secret keep?
RI: IF YOU KEEP MY SECRRRET, I BELIEVE OTHERRRS ARRRE NOT AS LEVEL HEADED AS YOU.
IL: i will.
IL: i am no bosmer.
RI: YOU ARRRE NOT?
IL: what know you of falmer?
RI: THEY ARRRE ELFS ARRRE THEY NOT? A MYTH TO ME.
IL: we are no myth, although few surface-dwellers know that we real are.
IL: and those that do are not with us friendly.
RI: WE? FRRRIEND YOU ARRRE A SNOW ELF?
IL: yes, although none that i have met have ever in the snow been.
IL: we live in the ruins, far under the ground.
RI: FRRRIEND YOU WISH ME TO KEEP THIS SECRRRET? I SWEARRR, I TELL NOT A SOUL.
IL: thanks.
IL: most would not a falmer kindly greet.
RI: YES I UNDERRRSTAND.
IL: thanks.
IL: you are a good friend.
RI: YOU AS WELL.
IL: thanks.
IL: well, this has enlightening been.
RI: YES CERRRTAINLY BRRROTHERRR! I LOOK FORRRWARRRD TO PLAYING WITH YOU.
IL: and i too.
IL: sorry, i must gone.
IL: bye, friend!
RI: I AS WELL, MY MASTERRR WAKES. GOODBYE!
-- intentListener [IL] ceased bothering royalInflection [RI] at 01:57 --

Wow, leader of this SCRAWL thing? You take a moment to bask in your new authority. You would have taken longer, but word gets out that Rolf is in charge and that's the end of that. Well, it was nice while it lasted, but at least you get to know Latroe a little better.She's kinda awes-OH GODS



Father does love to keep you on your toes.

[Foxie]

>You're no longer from around here.




You are now LATROE SUMEER, well that's not actually your name, Dremora don't really have names. But right now you're Conjurer is screaming that name he gave you because the cave troll you're fighting is running at him. You don't really have that much time to think right now, you mean, blood is running from your forehead into your eye and it's really annoying. Seriously.
You throw yourself in front of the troll and take a blow from one of it's powerful arms, but you recover quickly and take the chance to smash the monster's eyes in with your mace.

Your conjurer casts a lighting bolt spell that kills the troll off. You get shocked by the rebound but it is considerably better then getting walloped by smelly troll arms.
While your conjurer loots the troll you set up camp. Your master, the conjurer, lays down to rest. The second you hear his head touch the ground you whip out his laptop and open Scrollian.

You immediately get distracted by the wonders of the internet, but then you realize one of your closest friends is online. You start to type a hello to Thartaag, but he beats you to it. Which is totally not fair; Daedric is your first language, not Common. This makes you quite a slow typer.


-- intentListener [IL] began pestering royalInflection [RI] at 21:16 --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

IL: hi latroe.
RI: HELLO THARRR!
IL: how goes it?
RI: FINE FRRRIEND! HOW ARRRE YOU?
IL: also am i fine.
IL: i have about the game thought.
RI: OH! I AM EXCITED ABOUT THE GAME!
IL: yes, also am i.
IL: i have heard that the servers their client players see can, though.
IL: want you my client to be?
RI: UHM, WHAT?
RI: OH SERRRVERRRS ARRRE THE ONES WHO HELP THE CLIENTS WITH THE GAME?
RI: OH
RI: THEY CAN SEE?
IL: yes.
IL: so hear i.
RI: BUT I
RI: YOU KNOW
RI: I DONT THINK
RI: I HAVE TIME TO PLAY THIS GAME RRREALLY
IL: latroe, it is okay.
IL: if i your server am, then can i your secret keep.
RI: ITS JUST I
RI: IF, I MEAN
RI: YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE ME EVENTUALLY THE OTHERRRS WILL RRRIGHT?
IL: well, i can not see, though i other methods find can.
IL: and from what i know, only the server can the client see.
RI: OH RRRIGHT SEEING SORRRRRRY
IL: hehe
IL: no problem.
RI: OH...THEY WILL BE ABLE TO SEE YOU FRRRIEND?
IL: so seems it.
IL: this should interesting be.
RI: BUT THAT'S NO GOOD
IL: oh?
RI: YOU PRRROTECT ME BUT I CANNOT DO ANYTHING FORRR YOU?
IL: i can a hood or something wear.
RI: OKAY...
RI: THANK YOU
RI: THARRR
IL: my pleasure.
IL: i can easily my face hide, and our secrets should both safe be. RI: I AM IN YOURRR DEPT
IL: worry not about it.
IL: i am glad to help.
IL: and this way can we both not worry.
RI: YOU WILL WORRRRRRY, BUT I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU
IL: hm?
RI: I WILL HELP YOU HIDE!
IL: thanks!
RI: ORRR I WILL BEAT ANYONE WHO RRREVEALS YOU!
IL: hehe
IL: i would rather not our friends beat, if we so avoid can.
IL: how can you with the hiding help?
RI: YOU SAID A CLOAK, I AM SURRRE I COULD COME UP WITH AN APPRRROPRRRIATE ONE
IL: thanks!
IL: but how can you it here smuggle?
IL: nchuand-zel is hard to reach.
RI: I CAN GET VERRRY CLOSE...
RI: MAYBE THE GAME HAS A WAY I COULD GET IT THERRRE
IL: maybe.
IL: hm
IL: maybe can i father's armor borrow.
IL: it covers much.
RI: YES AND I WILL GET YOU SOMETHING BETTERRR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
IL: thanks!
IL: this should fun be.
RI: I HOPE SO!
IL: about it have i a good feeling.
RI: AS DO I
RI: YOU SCARRRED ME FORRR A MOMENT THERRRE
RI: BUT I BELIEVE IT WILL WORRRK OUT
IL: sorry
IL: i too
IL: i meant not you to worry though.
RI: THANK YOU AGAIN, IT IS MUCH APPRRRECIATED
RI: I WILL HAVE TO STOP HIDING EVENTUALLY
RI: BUT IT IS GOOD TO BE DELAYED
IL: yes.
IL: so must i maybe.
RI: OH
RI: RRRRRRRRRRRR
RI: MY MASTERRR IS MAD
IL: oh
RI: OF COURRRSE I MUST ABSCOND NOW
RI: BUT YOU WILL SEE
IL: bye friend!
RI: I MEAN SENSE
RI: ME LATERRR!
IL: hehehe
IL: yes.
IL: good luck

-- royalInflection [RI] ceased pestering intentListener [IL] at 21:52 --

You scramble to close the laptop as your master snarls at you. You don't have time to reconcile your feelings about Thar, aside from him being your hero, before The Conjurer starts yelling. Apparently you look disgusting, covered in blood and dirt. Your dazzling armor is smeared in a mixture of the two, including some troll fur. Right now you're like an ugly handbag he has to carry around.

[Plush Von Plush]

>Screw the others, be the one full of FAITH.



You are immediately the one full of faith. Your holiness meter goes through the fucking roof. As well as your energy meter. And it looks like the crazy meter is pretty much maxed out as well.

FUCK, WHAT ARE ALL THESE METERS DOING HERE?! The infernal ticking as they calculate your sanity and commitment to the LORD is intolerable! You fill yourself filled with HOLY RAGE, which is like regular rage, but much more justified when you break things.

As you attempt to break the energy meter, you are further infuriated to see that your efforts do absolutely nothing but make the meters go even HIGHER. Except the holiness one, which fills you with a sense of satisfaction, then more rage because FUCK, YOU ARE NOT LETTING A METER TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

You pull out your pamphletKind strife modus, and prepare to get this shit DOWN.

You go first, because, well, it’s a fucking meter and cannot move. You hit it with a pamphlet, which does nothing. (Well, after all, it is a piece of paper.) This doesn’t stop you from calling it a foul tool of infernal demonic spawn, however, because in case you couldn’t tell, you may have some slight anger issues.

On the meters turn, it ticks one rung higher.

Screaming with rage, you pick it up, run it out to the lake near your “monastery,” and chuck it in the river. Simply for spite, you start to urinate in the water, but you stop because 1. It’s undignified, 2. You feel bad for the fish living in there, and 3. The crazy meter just exploded and the shards of molten glass barely missed your exposed wang. You also pissed all over your shirt, which sucks balls.

Victorious, you head back inside, only to find that the holiness meter has dropped slightly, probably because of the whole “public urination” aspect of the battle. You tell yourself that you don’t care, and indeed scream loudly about the depths of your devotion and lack of concern about what any fucking METERS think for several minutes, but a tiny part of you dies a little inside.

After you calm down and change your shirt, you decide to feed the Reverend, the most powerful and holy incarnate of a goldfish that there has ever been. He blurps briefly as he passively eats the flakes you give him. Then he shits.

SUCH MAGINIFICENCE HAS NEVER BEFORE BEEN SEEN. You immediately record it in your journal of holiness.

Most of the other pages are pretty much exactly like this. As you flip through the entries, you are reminded why you use the computer for most of your writing.

You glare at the hated machine with no small amount of distaste. It has stolen so much FAITH from people. You make sure to use their own weapon against them, blitzing them with repeated spam religious emails. So far, you have gotten no responses, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR EFFORTS ARE IN VAIN.

Really.

Wait, what is that! The infernal machine is beeping! It must be that stupid chat client that you couldn’t figure out how to uninstall. So many HERETICS keep bugging you.

Ah well. Perhaps you will able to convin—oh, never mind, it’s this douchebag.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] began messaging trenchantCleric [TC] --
BB: heeeye
BB: viiicaar
TC: Hmph. HERETIC!!!.
BB: hows the fishy doign"
TC: The "fishy" as you so callously refer to, is currently fine.
TC: Why do you care?
BB: catn a frend jsut ask aobut his friens stuff?
BB: jstu beign freinyl
TC: You are drunk.
TC: You are drunk, and your soul is going to HELL.
BB: mkay buddddy whatecer yup say
BB: but HEY
BB: i got soetmhing you might be intersted im
TC: Is it alcoholic?
TC: You know quite well that liquor is the poison of the soul.
TC: HERETIC!!!.
BB: nahansah
BB: noting o the sort
BB: its actually
BB: a
BB: GAEM
BB: GMAE
BB: GAME
TC: A game?
TC: I do not have time for GAMES. I am too busy attempting to save souls.
TC: Though there are a few which seem utterly doomed.
BB: i kewn yuo wuld say that, so lisetn to this!
BB: in this game...
BB: you can...
TC: Yes?
BB: control othres adn, and gain pweors !
BB: powers
TC: Control others WHAT?
BB: leik you can control their surrroundigns
TC: ...
BB: and i thikn you also get minions
BB: that do whaever ya want em to
TC: UnHOLY magic? Demonic minions?
TC: What sort of HELLish game is this?!
BB: teh sort that needs someone holy to puriyf it form the isnde out!
TC: Hmm.
TC: I see.
TC: And you believe that I have sufficient holiness to accomplish such a task?
BB: i ebelie that you are our only hoep!
BB: alreday the othesr are determined to paly!
BB: i tred to stop em
BB: reall i did
TC: I do admit, it would be a good test of FAITH.
BB: but tehy wouldnt listen
TC: I see.
BB: so im truning to you buddy ol pal
BB: ur my last hope!
TC: Perhaps your soul cann be saved after all.
TC: So how exactly can I get this "game?"
BB: i'll get a copy from oen of the otehs and sedn it to yuo
TC: Excellent. Your unworthy souls shall not be cast into the flames of HELL while I watch over you!
BB: THe lrod be praies!d
BB: I will seee you teher then!
TC: Excellent.
TC: I hope that you remember this in the morning.
BB: cruse i wil
BB: Nghtis vicar!
-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] stopped messaging trenchantCleric [TC] --

HELL FUCKING YES. CONVERSIONS ARE IN THE AIR.

You dance around, and it looks totally stupid to everyone but YOU. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW HOLY THIS DANCE IS. IT IS SO HOLY, THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE HOW HOLY IT IS. OH YES.

You put on some music to celebrate.

"A figure for the closing of time, the antagonist divine/
Void of vacant word, one final answer to be heard/
I will carry my decree into a storm of lead/
This is total war, my want for tolerance is dead."

FUCK YES.

Your gyrating body and crude air-guitaring is watched passively by Reverend, who seriously does not give a shit.

>Be the Reverend. Show us the epicness.

Actually, you really aren't all that epic. Goldfish have a memory span of about thirty seconds, so all you think about is pretty much food, and shitting. You also have a lifespan of about two months, which by a startling coincidence, is about exactly how long you've been taken care of by Vicar. The poor bastard did a good job, but with the combination of horrendous religious metal and the sight of him spinning around the room, crudely imitating what he thinks of as "awesome guitar moves of the LORD," your little goldfish heart can't take it.

You just sort of die, and float to the top of the tank.

>Vicarn: Stop the music! Mourn the goldfish!

Why would you mourn the goldfish, the goldfish is SWEET HOLY LORD IN HEAVEN, HE IS DEAD. WOE TO ALL, FOR THE GOLDFISH HAS DIED! OH, HOW CRUDE AND POINTLESS LIFE SEEMS WHEN TAKEN THROUGH THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN ORC AND HIS LOVING GOLDFISH!

Okay, that's enough morning. You're sure that he'll be reincarnated soon, since that always happens within a week or so. In the meantime, you decide you're going to bury him, next to the fifteen other previous incarnations of Reverend.

But just as you decide to do that, your computer starts beeping again. How disrespectful! Almost as bad as those fucking meters! You repress the urge to SMASH the plastic with your holy might, and instead just sit down and chat with the potential convert. Unlike that last guy, this is actually a person you can almost stand.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering trenchantCleric [TC] at 21:46 --
TO: hi heraldus!
TC: Hmph. Hello.
TC: And what is it that you want from me?
TO: what's up?
TC: HERETIC!!!.
TO: hehehe
TC: I am currently in the middle of finding the next reincarnation of Reverend.
TO: cool!
TC: I am positive that it he around here somewhere.
TC: You know it is him by the way he looks at you in the eye.
TC: Staring at you with his calm, all-knowing gaze...
TO: wow.
TO: smart fish.
TO: hehehe
TC: The gaze that has seen the power of the LORD!
TO: i bet!
TC: Yes.
TC: Anyways, what sort of HERETIC!!!al activites have you participated in recently?
TO: say, are you in on this scrawl business?
TC: Scrawl?
TO: yeah, sounds like a cool game.
TC: Ah, yes, this "game."
TC: I am participating in a session, currently.
TC: I shall show you all the meaning of true FAITH!
TO: awesome!
TO: should be fun!
TC: It will cleanse the souls of the unworthy, and show them the true power of the LORD, once I emerge victorious and untainted.
TO: hehehe
TO: definitely.
TC: I shall show them the power that they can gain by FAITH, and they shall be directed upon the path of true virtue.
TC: PRAISE the LORD in all His glory.
TO: sure thing vic!
TC: By the way, when will you attend a service?
TO: service?
TC: I believe I have sent you several hundred pamphlets over the years, and on the back of each, there is an invitation.
TC: Did you not notice?
TO: where are the services again?
TC: At my humble monestary, where we shall observe together the glory of the LORD!
TO: umm...
TO: where's that?
TC: ...
TC: It's not in the pamphlet?
TO: i can't find any right now.
TC: Fine.
TO: so where is it?
-- trenchantCleric [TC] sent VIRTUALPAMPHLET.doc --
TC: There.
TO: okay!
TC: I also believe you are on the list of HERETIC!!!s to Convert?
TO: hehehe
TO: probably.
TC: I meant the email list.
TC: I send out several a day.
TO: oh yeah, those.
TO: cool stuff.
TC: Absolutely.
TO: not sure if ma will let me go to cyrodiil though.
TC: They BURN with the concentrated FAITH--
TC: What? Why not?
TC: It is a pilgrimage!
TO: she's real picky about me traveling.
TC: How dare she interrupt the work of the LORD?!
TC: HERETIC!!!al mother!
TO: yeah, she interrupts a lot of things.
TC: I shall travel to your location, and set this record straight!
TO: maybe!
TC: Her HERETIC!!!al thoughts of ice shall be melted under the rampant fury of my faith!
TO: cool!
TO: go for it!
TC: I shall be arriving in--
TC: Wait, where are you located?
TO: vvardenfell.
TC: Hmm.
TC: I shall check the map.
TO: vivec city.
TC: Very well.
TC: Say, several months?
TO: can't get a ride?
TC: This is a HOLY PILGRIMEGE.
TC: IT SHALL TAKE PLACE ON FOOT.
TC: PRAISE the LORD in all His glory.
TO: okay!
TO: cool!
TC: Goodbye.
TC: I shall be off!
TO: bye!
-- trenchantCleric [TC] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO]

HOLY PILGRIMAGE OF HOLINESS, HOLY PILGRIMAGE, HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY HOOOOOLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY

You run screaming out the door, slamming straight into a tree, knocking you completely unconscious. If you weren't passed out on the ground, you might be thinking that perhaps no matter how much faith you have, a lot can be said for a good old-fashioned helmet.

[Plush Von Plush]

[Removed]

[LandOfFantrolls]

>Be the boring clockwork arche- wait how does that even work.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Very carefully.

>.....

You are now the clockwork archer, how even does that work. Your name is Fara-

Hold up....

>????

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It appears you have a message from a feline friend...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- sabertoothBorn [SB] began messaging ancientClockwork [AC] at 21:04 --
SB: hey there, fara.
AC: Hey, Dar!
SB: how are you going?
AC: Pretty great.
AC: You?
SB: doing fine, too.
SB: just got me a brand new game here.
AC: Oh?
SB: dragon riders 3.
SB: seems pretty fun so far.
SB: hey, speaking of games
AC: Hm?
SB: did you hear of the new game from aldusoft?
AC: Yeah.
AC: I've heard of it.
AC: Haven't hear anything about it though.
SB: scrawl.
SB: yeah, there are pretty few details about it.
SB: but hey, we are setting up a team to play it.
SB: are you interested?
AC: Sounds Interesting!
AC: All I'd have to do is pick up a copy, and I'll do that.
SB: great!
AC: Have you got yhour copy?
AC: Also, who is "we?"
SB: nah, i still have to steal it.
SB: i mean buy.
AC: Heh.
AC: You and your sneaky khajiit ways.
AC: Good luck with that.
SB: no problem.
SB: and hey, it is not a khajiit thing.
AC: Khajiit are just naturally good thieves, that's all.
AC: Not trying to be racist.
SB: i know, i know.
SB: it is just that pops would probably want fight you if he heard you saying that.
SB: ...and you were a dude.
SB: but anyways.
SB: let me see, the other players...
SB: well, there is ru, arrille, clare, aletta...
SB: latroe...
AC: anyone else/
SB: ...not sure.
AC: well
AC: Albeit it's a sort of small group, i think it's all good!
SB: great, then!
AC: Mhm.
SB: alright, hope this game will be as fun as expected.
AC: I'll talk to you later then? Maybe after i get my copy and you st- Ahem... I mean, "borrow" your copy.
SB: yeah.
SB: heh.
AC: Cya around, cat burglar.
-- ancientClockwork [AC] stopped messaging sabertoothBorn [SB] at 21:41 --

Looks like you've got a game on your hands. Anyway.... Where were we? Ah, yes.

You are now the clockwork archer, how even does that work. Your name is Faraon, or Fara, for short, and you are a BOSMER. You live with your SISTER, who runs the CLOCK SHOP that also functions as your HOME. You have a passion for ARCHERY. Your sister refused to buy you a BOW, so you showed her by creating your own from the scraps of old CLOCKS. That was THREE YEARS ago when you were only TWELVE (12). Since then, you've made plenty of modifications to improve your bow.

You have lots of INTERESTS, including scavenging OLD CLOCK PARTS. You also practice ARCHERY passionately. You've been working on CLOCKS since you were little. What used to be a chore is now a hobby. Whenever you need to think, you always tinker with clocks.

..... You were always a girl of few words when it comes to your life. You could go on about how your parents died, leaving you with only your sister to provide for you, but you'd rather not. Perhaps we should move on. It appears we have another conversation brewing.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[10:58] -- intentListener [IL] began messaging ancientClockwork [AC] at 22:58 --
[10:58] IL: hello.
[10:58] AC: hm?
[10:58] AC: Oh. Hi.
[10:59] IL: i was on scrollian looking and your tag seemed interesting.
[10:59] AC: I'm not sure I believe you.
[11:00] IL: why think you that i you scrolled?
[11:00] AC: Lots of strange people out there.
[11:00] IL: i assure you that i not too strange am.
[11:01] AC: If you say so.
[11:01] IL: my name is thartaag.
[11:01] AC: Faraon.
[11:01] IL: it is nice you to meet.
[11:03] AC: Likewise, I guess?
[11:03] IL: from where are you?
[11:10] AC: Valenwood. And you?
[11:10] IL: the reach, in skyrim.
[11:10] AC: Hm.
[11:11] IL: hm?
[11:12] AC: Just letting you know i got your message. Just not really saying anything.
[11:12] IL: oh okay.
[11:13] IL: where got you your tag idea?
[11:14] AC: I use my sister's old clocks and stuff to make weapons. It's a bit of an exaggeration, but hey, I like it.
[11:14] IL: interesting.
[11:14] IL: i have never good with machines been.
[11:14] AC: Why's that?
[11:15] IL: i do not many opportunities have with them to work.
[11:15] IL: no practice.
[11:16] IL: in a mining town are there not many machines that spared can be to take apart.
[11:18] AC: oh.
[11:18] AC: I see.
[11:19] IL: yes.
[11:20] AC: Anyway, what race are you?
[11:20] IL: bosmer.
[11:20] IL: are you also
[11:20] IL: ?
[11:21] AC: Mhm, I'm a Bosmer
[11:22] IL: is the homeland nice?
[11:24] AC: Very.
[11:25] AC: Sort of hot where I live though.
[11:25] IL: i see.
[11:25] IL: the reach is warm, for skyrim.
[11:25] IL: although i believe that you it cold find would.
[11:27] AC: Maybe? I don't know.
[11:28] IL: probably.
[11:29] IL: much colder than valenwood.
[11:31] AC: I've heard stories about how cold it is there.
[11:31] IL: yes, although in the reach is it milder.
[11:31] IL: i heard that in some parts of the north, can they never the sun see.
[11:32] IL: too many blizzards.
[11:33] IL: here is it sunnyl.
[11:33] IL: *sunny
[11:35] AC: Is it nice?
[11:35] IL: it is okay.
[11:35] IL: nice views.
[11:35] IL: not all like bosmer, but most are nice.
[11:35] AC: Sounds pleasant.
[11:36] IL: it is.
[11:37] IL: nice rural place.
[11:37] IL: live you in a city?
[11:38] AC: Sort of.
[11:39] AC: More like a small town, but comparatively I guess it's sort of big.
[11:39] IL: i see.
[11:39] IL: well this is also a small town.
[11:43] AC: Got any nice places to visit there?
[11:44] IL: well, we are near markarth.
[11:44] IL: there are other places over the mountains, but we travel not often.
[11:47] IL: mostly is it just mountains and more mountains.
[11:48] AC: Hm... There are some mountains near here.
[11:49] IL: there are ruins, but they are not for tourists.
[11:52] IL: very dangerous.
[11:53] IL: they make the traps to last.
[11:57] IL: have you places to visit?
[11:57] AC: Visit?
[11:58] IL: yes.
[11:58] AC: Well other than friends here in my town... I guess nothing really comes to mind.
[11:58] IL: not a tourist place?
[12:01] AC: Not particularly.
[12:01] AC: I mean, there are some pretty nice shops around here!
[12:02] IL: i shop not often.
[12:03] IL: here are there not many places for that.
[12:07] IL: so i have never a serious shopper been.
[12:08] AC: Alright then...
[12:08] AC: Uhm... Maybe we should talk later.
[12:08] IL: maybe.
[12:09] AC: I need to get to archery practice.
[12:09] IL: goodbye, faraon.
[12:09] AC: Cya.
[12:09] -- ancientClockwork [AC] stopped messaging intentListener [IL] at 00:09 --

Thar seems strange, for a Bosmer. You're not sure what to make of him.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[12:10] -- tallOrder [TO] began messaging ancientClockwork [AC] at 00:10 --
[12:10] TO: hi there!
[12:12] AC: Oh!
[12:12] AC: Hello.
[12:12] TO: so a little cat told me we're gonna play scrawl together!
[12:13] TO: i'm kaie, by the way.
[12:16] AC: Play Scrawl?
[12:16] AC: And Im Fara, nice to meet you.
[12:16] TO: you too!
[12:16] TO: welcome to our fun little circle!
[12:16] AC: Scrawl... Oh right.
[12:16] AC: Scrawl
[12:16] AC: anyway
[12:16] AC: thanks1
[12:17] TO: no prob!
[12:17] TO: so what's up?
[12:18] AC: Nothing much really.
[12:18] AC: Just tuning up my bow.
[12:18] AC: again.
[12:18] TO: cool!
[12:18] TO: so like a violin bow or an archery bow?
[12:18] TO: do you tune violin bows?
[12:19] AC: Archery bow
[12:19] TO: cool
[12:19] TO: !
[12:20] TO: man i wish i could arch.
[12:20] TO: or however you say that.
[12:20] AC: Be an archer maybe?
[12:20] TO: yeah that works!
[12:21] TO: i wish i could do that.
[12:22] AC: Why?
[12:22] TO: because archery is cool!
[12:23] TO: it's like some classy ninja stuff.
[12:28] AC: I guess?
[12:28] TO: anyways, you meet any of the others yet?
[12:37] AC: I know Dar, and I've spoken with Thar.
[12:37] TO: cool!
[12:37] TO: only like nine of us to go then.
[12:39] TO: aletta's kinda my bro if that makes sense.
[12:39] TO: and dar's kinda awesome.
[12:41] AC: Yeah
[12:41] AC: Dar seemed like a nive person.
[12:41] AC: Nice*
[12:41] TO: yeah, hehe
[12:42] TO: so, got anyone special?
[12:48] AC: Uhm,,,
[12:48] AC: No not really!
[12:48] AC: I mean
[12:48] AC: does family count?
[12:48] TO: well, with what i was talking about, i sure as hell hope not.
[12:49] TO: :P
[12:50] AC: Heh, alright.
[12:51] TO: no worries, it's not like we're on a timer.
[12:51] AC: I hope not.
[12:51] TO: yeah, that would suck.
[12:52] AC: It's not comforting to have your time left displayed on the face of a clock
[12:52] TO: besides, there's plenty of eligible bachelors to introduce you to!
[12:55] TO: unless you've got somebody in mind already...
[12:55] AC: I dont know
[12:55] AC: i haven't really met the whole crew
[12:55] TO: yeah, good point!
[12:55] AC: I mean, i didn't really get to talk to Aletta that much.
[12:56] AC: Thar seems off
[12:56] AC: and well
[12:56] AC: Dar seems pretty cool.
[12:56] TO: yeah, but i think he's taken.
[12:56] AC: So if i had to pick out of my current options, it'd be him but i mean, hey.
[12:56] AC: He's taken?
[12:56] TO: yeah.
[12:56] TO: sort of.
[12:58] AC: sort of?
[12:58] TO: sort of a maybe thing going on.
[12:58] TO: :3
[12:59] AC: Care to elaborate a bit on that, Kaie?
[01:00] TO: well i agree that he is awesome.
[01:00] TO: like really awesome.
[01:01] TO: so i've kinda been angling for that.
[01:03] AC: Oooh.
[01:03] AC: Sort of like
[01:03] AC: crushing on him then.
[01:03] TO: yeah
[01:03] TO: but that's maybe not the best term for it.
[01:04] TO: i mean when i can like literally crush on people they get a bit nervous when you put it that way.
[01:04] AC: oh.
[01:04] AC: What race are you?
[01:04] TO: giant!
[01:05] TO: what about you?
[01:05] AC: Bosmer
[01:05] TO: cool!
[01:05] TO: like thar but like you can form sentences.
[01:06] AC: yes
[01:06] TO: nice!
[01:06] TO: where you from?
[01:07] AC: Valenwood
[01:07] TO: cool.
[01:07] TO: i'm from vvardenfell.
[01:08] TO: well skyrim originally but in vvardenfell.
[01:08] AC: Cool!
[01:09] TO: yeah!
[01:09] TO: it can be kinda weird sometimes but it's nice.
[01:09] AC: I bet.
[01:09] AC: Uhm, anyway
[01:09] AC: if you dont mind me asking
[01:09] AC: who else do i have to talk to?
[01:09] TO: lemme think
[01:10] TO: there's lies-in-wait, he's a cool argonian dude.
[01:10] TO: like my best bro.
[01:10] TO: affableEnemy for him
[01:10] AC: I've heard about Argonians.
[01:11] AC: They're like, lizard people?
[01:11] TO: ...
[01:11] TO: you've never met an argonian?
[01:13] AC: I don't really get out much.
[01:13] TO: oh.
[01:13] AC: I have to help my sister.
[01:13] AC: Since, my parents are dead.
[01:13] TO: well i'm in like a port town so we get a lot of tr
[01:13] TO: oh sorry
[01:13] TO:
[01:17] AC: ... Yeah.
[01:18] TO: wow um
[01:18] TO: sorry.
[01:20] AC: It's fine, really.
[01:20] TO: okay...
[01:20] AC: Lots of kids have dead parents.
[01:21] TO: yeah, i guess so.
[01:21] TO:
[01:23] AC: :l
[01:23] AC: I uh
[01:23] AC: didnt mean to upset you really.
[01:23] TO: no it's just i was worried i upset you
[01:23] AC: oh...
[01:23] AC: Well dont be.
[01:24] TO: okay then.
[01:25] TO: well anyways.
[01:25] TO: more people
[01:25] TO: trenchantCleric is this orc rper dude with this really over-the-top character that he plays COOOOONSTAAAAANTLY
[01:26] AC: sounds like he annoys you
[01:27] TO: nah he's funny
[01:27] TO: it just kinda weird sometimes.
[01:27] TO: then there's
[01:27] TO: umm
[01:28] TO: i'm kinda fuzzy-headed right now.
[01:28] TO: oh!
[01:28] AC: you ok?
[01:28] TO: bacchanalBarfly is rolf, the leader
[01:28] TO: he has like a list
[01:28] TO: and yeah i'm fine.
[01:28] TO: ma just didn't hide the mead too well this time :P
[01:31] AC: Alright.
[01:31] AC: Ill be sure to talk to Rolf
[01:31] TO: okay!
[01:31] TO: he's another one of my bros.
[01:31] TO: if you're lucky you'll catch him kinda sober.
[01:32] AC: is he a heavy drinker?
[01:32] TO: oooooooh yeah
[01:33] TO: the thing that sucks about vvardenfell is the drinking age.
[01:36] TO: rolf's lucky still being in skyrim.
[01:38] AC: how?
[01:38] TO: well ma's calling!
[01:39] TO: huh?
[01:39] TO: oh he can still drink.
[01:39] TO: without sneaking it.
[01:39] AC: Ah, well lucky him then.
[01:39] TO: and i gotta hide these bottles.
[01:39] TO: later fara!
[01:39] AC: Later!
[01:39] -- tallOrder [TO] stopped messaging ancientClockwork [AC] at 01:39 --

That was.... Interesting. You're not quite sure how you feel about Kaie.

Sighing, you stand, logging off. That was a bit of an effort, usually you don't get so much laid down on you all at once. You need a break, perhaps a bit of archery will help you relax.

[Capric Monarchy]

[B]>Be another Kid.[B]

YEARS MONTHS WEEKS DAYS IN THE PAST, BUT NOT MANY.

You are now another Kid. Your name is VERN GAYLORD GAILLARD, you are 15 years old and by Oblivion, you hate your name. Nobody has made jokes about your name since Junior Hig- No, in fact, people are still making jokes about it now in High School. Holy SHIT do you hate MAGIC. You are the Master of Arms. You read up on your COMBAT LAW. It means you come over here and tell others all the RULES, even though EVERYONE there knows them better than you do. The CHALLENGED gets to choose how the DUEL will be fought. They'll most likely have chosen STEEL and FURY, which basically means anything goes, which is how fighting ought to be done in any case. You are the CHALLENGER, which means you get to choose the TIME and PLACE of the duel. You'll always choose HERE and NOW. Obviously. Or none of us would be standing out here in the wind.

Your INTERESTS contain a bit of odd activities. Some include TRAINING so you can match par with your Bro in terms of sheer skill. You do this frequently and all it does is get you in the hospital. Speaking of hospitals, you like to bust into them at night and read all the funny ways people die. Medicae records for your people, the honorable and humble BRETON, show no fatalities among your people in the last decade, although several were subsequently treated for minor injuries apparently related to treading on hastily-discarded gardening tools, and that's saying something. You're not NEARLU as ACCIDENT PRONE as you're supposed to be. You'll grant yourself you fell down a TUNNEL once, and there was that INCIDENT with the FRAG GRENADE and the PIT TOILETTE, but things tend to work out for you. The ORCS in CYRADIL were as surprised as your BRO was when the FLOOR in that FACTORY collapsed, and you wouldn't have walked into right into that BANDIT AMBUSH in SKYRIM if you hadn't triggered the MINE by chucking an EMPTY SODA CAN away...

>Examine room.

Your room is a piece of shit, and that's saying something considering how it normally is littered with OLD VIDEO GAMES, ACTION FIGURES, FILMS, DIRTY CLOTHING, and endless amounts of DUST. You'd better clean up this before your Bro comes home.I mean, shit, look at all this useless crap. It all looks as if it could belong in a museum. Here is exhibit A, the ancient and powerful computer of a fabled technomancer who conquered High Rock. It is believed he died by his shitty chair blasting volcanic air up his ass. Exhibit B, the chair that blew his ass apart.

>Gather Belongings.

You already have all the BELONGINGS in your STRIFE PORTFOLIO and SYLLADEX you need, should you suddenly and without warning be engulfed in an adventure with or without your FRIENDS. Maybe without the KHAJIT. You would sooner spit on your dead mother's grave than let a Khajit in your APARTMENT. Did you mention you lived in an apartment? Because it's a rad apartment. You try to make things modern, even by modern standards. Unfortunately, your BRO surpasses you in all of these things. While you're at it, you assign a POWERED HAND-DRILL and a REPLICA WAND to your DRILLKIND and WANDKIND STRIFE SPECIBUS' and put the cards in your STRIFE PORTFOLIO.

>Be doubly sure of your WELL BEING.

You examine yourself slightly and notice you are in PRISTINE CONDITION. Maybe a little hyper, and a dash of stereotypical BRETON frailty. As much as evidence imply the contrary, you don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks, you're awesome and proud of your RACE. Okay, maybe a little bit too proud.

>You're BORING. Talk DIRTY to me.

You can't talk dirty right now because you are now being beat senseless with magic and rocks by your ATRONACHS. Death-dealing magical monsters you conjured yourself to fight to the death to hone your SKILLS. You are quite certain you will DIE if you don't do something soon. More show up through your UN-WARDED OBLIVION RITUAL GATE, made by you in a naive attempt to summon minions to entertain you, and are alerted of your presence.

>A short while later...

You not-so-gracefully end up getting your shit smashed. Hopefully you live through this situation and doesn't serve as a fitting punishment by the DIVINES for being a textbook narcissist.

>Launch a COUNTERASSAIL.

You successfully manage to free yourself from the atronachs with your DRILLKIND SPECIBUS while raving cheesy one-liners. The atronachs don't seem terribly affected by it. Grabbing what you can you ABSCOND into a closet.

>Leave the closet and fight like a man.

You cannot do it. You cannot fight like a man, but it looks like you're only option is to get advisory help from your friends.

>Contact ferociousBarricade.

Good idea, Azima sounds like a name one would have combat experience with, but she knows jack shit about atronachs, so you decide to get hypothetical up in this bitch. That's what cool kids say, right?. You grab your PDA and frantically type into it. Unfortunately, you're a bit horrible at typing.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] --
RS: NO[BHNTSKIHN E
RS: ZDNDTJMONIT
RS: TDZDTZNJM
RS: Hello?
FB: What.
RS: Oh right
RS: Are yyou byy anyy chance good at fighting?
FB: Dude, I'm the best!
FB: ...
FB: Who are you?
RS: I'll explain later.
RS: First off
RS: Hyypotheticallyy SPeaking yyou're getting beat to death byy a dozen veryy angryy robots and yyou trap yyourself inside a closet how would yyou get yyourself out of that situation?
FB: Hmm.
FB: What do ya got?
RS: Well
RS: A lot of old clothes
RS: Some hangers
RS: A lot of unused scrap metal.
FB: How strong are you?
RS: Enough to hold a television without breaking myy arms.
FB: ...
FB: Okay I'm pretty sure
FB: that's a thin' most people can do.
RS: Well I am in a hurryy.
RS: Theyy're starting to bust the door down now.
FB: Okay so what do the robots have
RS: Nothing.
RS: Just raw fists and numbers.
FB: Hmmm...
RS: And I'm sure metal fists hurt a lot.
FB: so the scrap metal are we talkin' like huge chunks of it or like iron filin's
RS: some are rusted.
RS: mayybe some pipes but theyy'll do jack
RS: not enough electronics to build a bomb either
RS: Tell it to me straight doc
RS: am i fucked?
FB: Sounds like it.
RS: I think I have time to expain now.
FB: I mean you could try fixin' somethin' like a makeshift weapon out of the stuff in the closet.
FB: ...What?
RS: I'll tryy that, but did yyou byy anyy chance get a game?
RS: ...recentlyy?
FB: From Kaie.
RS: Oh yyou know Kaie?
FB: Mmhmm!
RS: That makes things a bit easier.
RS: Anyywayy, Scrawl is some super-exclusive game with onlyy 14 copies ever being made.
FB: Wait I have a list here
FB: You're like
FB: the crazy roleplayin' orc guy right?
RS: No.
RS: I'm Vern
FB: Huh.
RS: The dashinglyy charming Breton of the yyear.
FB: Well I just glanced over it so.
RS: The man yyour man could be.
RS: And stuff.
RS: Well, just in case I die here, is it okayy if I write a obituaryy to send to yyou?
RS: To send to others.
FB: Uh. Sure?
RS: Oh goodyy.
FB: Get to it, then.
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] --

You quickly write an obituary detailing everything worth knowing about you. From your GOOD LOOKS, to your CHARMING WIT, to your BODY. Maybe your PAST ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] --
RS: BAck.
FB: Took ya long enough.
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] sent file "A TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN ALL BRETONKIND.txt --
RS: Don't read it until I'm dead.
RS: Don't even tryy.
FB: But I want to.
FB: I'm gonna read it.
FB: I'm gonna do this.
RS: Did yyou?
FB: ...
FB: Holy shit.
RS: Damn yyou.
FB: You have a bigger ego than me, Dante, and Rolf combined!
RS: I TYYPED FAST OKAYY
FB: Dude I'm not even talkin' about the typos!
RS: Well, I do consider myyself a nicer class of person.
FB: It kinda seems like you're tryin' too hard.
RS: One can never tryy too hard. There's just not hard enough, and then harder than last time.
RS: And now SPlinters are coming in.
FB: So do you not have any weapons I mean are Bretons pussies or what?
RS: Luckyy for yyou I'm going to ignore that comment and sayy the iron pipes are myy best choice.
FB: Okay how well built are those robots
RS: Bears squuared.
FB: Because I'm thinkin' if you aim at their knees and ankles you could probably trip them up long enough to get away and find an actual weapon
RS: I could do that.
FB: Okay try that and get back to me.

Well that was good advice. You cautiously grip your IRON PIPE and assign it to your CLUBKIND specibus and put the card in your strife portfolio.

>Charge!!

Everything went horribly so you abscond back into the closet.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

RS: Theyy weren'
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] --

>Contact potentFlora.

Yes! How strategic of you! Contact possibly someone who is most likely more frail than you and see if you can somehow ask them to teleport to you so you can hide behind them. God you're a pussy.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering potentFlora [PF] --
RS: Heyy allessa?
PF: I'mnotAllessa!!
RS: Oh wait, wrong name.
RS: Anyywayy, clare.
PF: Wait, thisis... Thar?
RS: No, this is Vern.
RS: Let's sayy hyypotheticallyy yyou're trapped in a closet with robots about to barge in and beat yyou profuselyy, how would yyou escape?
PF: Iwould throwwater onthem.
PF: Thatshorts robotsdoesn'tit?? :0
PF: Why, areyouhypotheticallytrapped?
RS: Well, what if yyou don't have water accessable right now?
RS: YYes, trapped hyypotheticallyy.
PF: Vern, youdon't haveto tellme thatit'shypothetical, it'spretty obviousthat youaretrapped byevil robots!!
PF: :/
PF: Don'tyou knowsomemagic? You'rea Breton, aren'tyou??
RS: Illusions don't affect robots. At least not mine.
PF: That'sterribly inconvenient, hehe.
PF: Um, whatweapons doyouhave? Maybe thatcanhelp youout!
RS: Terrible inconvienence. Onlyy weapon I have now is a lead pipe.
PF: You haveyourspecibus setto pipekind?? That wasn'tagood choice, hehe.
PF: What'sinthecloset? Yougottahavesomething inthere!
RS: Scrap metal, old clothing, some hangers, and nothing else.
PF: Oh...
PF: Andhow manymetalbotthings arethere???
RS: Msyybe five, I was getting myy ass kicked byy five instead of one that I planned.
PF: Youplanned togetyour buttkicked byrobots? Youare so weird, Dar!
RS: No, I'm Vern.
PF: ... Iknew that!!
RS: And I..
RS: fight them
RS: purposelyy
RS: for science
PF: Well, thatturned outreally welldidn'tit?? :P
RS: It worked when I would usuallyy fight one at a time. XP
PF: Yeesh! Don'trobots have thatbutton thingajigger that gets themtostop moving andeverything?? Like a backup failsafe thing?
RS: Myy robots don't have that.
RS: Theyy're built for killing.
PF: Wow, that'sreallyreckless!! Youaren'tworried atallthat theymight kill youina situation like this?? :0
RS: I am reallyy worried.
RS: LET ME SEND YYOU MYY OBITUARYY.
RS: In the case if I die.
RS: That wayy all those who knew me will remember myy dashingness.
PF: :(
PF: I thinkyour dashing obiturary shouldbetheleast of yourconcerns!!!
PF: Um... isthereany way youcanget out of yourcloset??
RS: Unless I charge out and blindlyy fight everyything.
RS: Then no.
PF: Youdon't haveanysecret passageways???
PF: Weird!
RS: A closet is a closet.
PF: Iknowthat!!
RS: Mayybe I'll attach evryything in here to myy bodyy as armor and charge with myy trustyy weapon.
PF: And whatareyou goingtoattach itwith??
PF: :0
RS: Everyything.
RS: And sheer will.
RS: And some shoestrings.
PF: Vern, I thinkthatwill killyou :/
PF: Geez, if youhadsome stuff stowed inyourcloset maybeIcould helpyou with somepotions orsomething!! Uuuuuuugh.
RS: Potions suck.
PF: Theydonot!!
RS: And in a literal wayy, too. The bottles are hard to drink unless yyou're not pouring it down yyour throat.
PF: Especiallynot the INVISIBILITY ones and the EXPLODING ones.
PF: Well, you've beendrinking the wrongpotions then :P
PF: ButI'm sorry!! I'mnotvery goodatfiguring out howtofight robots. I canbarelyfight ghosts!
RS: I hate ghosts. YYou can hit 'em, slash 'em, or touch 'em and theyy can do everyything else to do.
RS: Anyywayy brilliant idea, I'll be back later.
PF: Okay!!!
PF: Goodluck, Vern!
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering potentFlora [PF] at 19:17 --

Again, that was possibly the best advice ever.

>Contact tallOrder

Yes! Amazing idea! Giants always know what to do! You quickly contact her as fast as you can.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering tallOrder [TO]--
RS: KAIE MYY GIGANTIC FRIEND
TO: hey vern!
TO: what's up?
RS: What if yyou were trapped in a closet about to be busted in byy robots about to profuselyy beat yyou
RS: ?How would yyou escape?
TO: wait what
TO: i thought high rock was more open-minded!
RS: Well, it's a theoritical question.
TO: i mean there's no need to be in the closet.
TO: unless people actually wanted to beat you in that case get outta there.
RS: But these are merciless robots.
RS: Not people.
TO: what
TO: you're losing me again.
RS: Fine, let's go with people.
RS: Theyy
RS: are
RS: big
RS: and burlyy.
RS: and don't trip easilyy.
TO: can't you do illusion stuff?
RS: I HATE MAGIC
RS: IT'S SO LAME
TO: have you been talking to azi?
RS: Myy Bro should be home anyy minute now.
RS: And mayybe/
TO: are you out of the closet with him?
RS: No, I'm in the closet.
TO: oh
TO: well he might have an easier time helping if you tell him.
TO: i'm sure he'd be cool with it.
RS: Mayybe not. Last time he helped me, he almost tipped the apartment building off its hinges.
TO: it has hinges?
RS: YYes, a lot of hinges. I'll tell yyou later something when I'm not tryying to be killed byy murderous robots.
TO: robots what?
TO: how is this related to being in the closet?
RS: I'm trapped in a closet. It was a strategic retreat because I was stupid enough to build robots built solelyy for tryying to kill me.
RS: Scientific purposes.
RS: And to train myyself.
TO: so wait a literal closet?
RS: YYes.
TO: i dunno man.
TO: i'd just smash my way out but you're like little and stuff.
RS: I'm decent sized for myy race.
RS: Mayybe a few inches smaller.
TO: yeah but not tank big.
TO: not giant big.
RS: How would yyou advise in a situation like this?
TO: i dunno.
TO: i got no robot experience.
RS: Think men made of metal who never get tired.
TO: yeah but still i could smash em!
TO: sorry bro, i got no idea.
RS: Hold on, I got a brilliant idea
TO: yeah?
RS: Be back soon.
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] --

You are starting to give up hope. Perhaps this is the end for you, being killed to death by atronachs and your Bro isn't there to help you out. Maybe if you were stronger, or maybe if you were cleverer. Either way it's your own goddamn fault you summoned them in the first place. Maybe if you weren't such a spoiled brat who didn't rely on help so often, then you wouldn't constant be on the verge of tears. You wish you weren't Vern, and instead somebody cooler. Like Dar'kneeval. Fuck that cat. Seriously.

>Give up hope.

You cannot give up hope, because you never had hope to begin with. Seriously, you're the worst Breton to live on the face of Nirn. You can't do anything because you're so useless. You hear physical struggle outside the closet, and you immediately remember your BRO went out to buy groceries with the huge amounts of money he he makes as a MAGICIAN. Fuck you hate Magic.

>Come out of the closet.

You exit the closet in the most non-gay fashion as possible to find the atronachs dead and buried. Well, dead. You find a note attached to the closet wall and you take a quick read.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

NEVER giVE up hopE, littlE bRothER - bRo.

That arrogant prick! Talking down to you like that. You wish you found a way to be useful to him. Instead to pick up your PDA and begin contacting your friends.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering potentFlora [PF] --
RS: Fuck, I'm like the smoothest Breton SPyy out there.
PF: Ibegtodiffer! :P
PF: Sotherobots aregone???
PF: Whatdid youdo????
RS: Oh it was nothing, just put myy life in horrid danger byy setting off a timex explosive in myy pda.
PF: You... havean explosiveinyour pdabutnot inyourrobots??? :0
PF: Heehee.
RS: Safetyy precautions.
PF: Right, because death-dealingrobots don'tneed safetyprecautions!!
PF: Youare verysilly, Thar.
PF: ... Vern.
PF: ImeanVern!
RS: Thar?
RS: I must meat this Thar.
PF: Yes!!!!
PF: Icouldintroduceyoutohimsometime!!
PF: Uuuuuh, IthinkI mighthavehis handlewritten down onmesomewhere... Ihopethe milkdidn't washitoff...
RS: Is he an Elf? It'd be a privelage to meet myy other half of myy ancestors.
PF: Yes!!! Heisawoodelf Ithink!
RS: amazing
PF: Hishandle isintentListener!!
PF: I'm sureyoutwowillbe friends!!!
RS: We will, I'm sure.
RS: Teach me potions too.
RS: Mainlyy poisons.
PF: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
PF: Okay!! :D
PF: Butyouhave toremind me, Imightforget!!!!
RS: YYeah sure, I'm going to talk to Thar now.
PF: Byethen!!
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering potentFlora [PF] --

The name Thar burns sour on your tongue. You already hate the fucker, for reasons you don't quite understand. Perhaps it's just the neglect that hurts, being mistaken for a wood elf. You're not sure whether to be ashamed or insulted. You decide then and there that Thar needs to die. That boosts your self-esteem a bit, and you now contact Kaie.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering tallOrder [TO] --
TO: vern?
RS: I'm s super SPyy.
TO: you okay buddy?
RS: More than okayy.
RS: Other than bruises.
TO: okay good.
TO: and the robots?
RS: DEAD
RS: Or just exploded.
TO: i'm guessing that's good.
RS: I set myy PDA to explode after some deviouslyy difficult math algoryythms.
TO: that's a thing that's possible?
RS: And mayybe some homemade cherryybombs.
RS: And yyes.
TO: cool!
TO: so what are you talking on now?
RS: Myy computer.
TO: okay good.
TO: will your bro be mad about the pda?
RS: No. Most of the shit in myy house is mine.
RS: Even his shit.
RS: Even the apartment.
RS: Hell I built the damn apartment.
RS: We charge some each dayy.
TO: okay fair point.
RS: I recentlyy got an Argonian neighbour.
RS: He's amazing.
RS: He has a hist tree in the middle of his living room.
TO: awesome!
RS: He taught me everyything I know now.
RS: Which is whyy I even somehow manage the impossible.
RS: Like holyy shit what's this kid doing
RS: Aw hell naw he's doin the impossible.
RS: And there's comes Vern readyy to top that kid several miles.
TO: i bet!
RS: Sayy do yyou happen to know a Thar?
TO: thartaag?
TO: yeah, i know him.
RS: awesome
RS: TELL ME EVERYYTHING
TO: umm
TO: lessee
TO: bosmer dude, lives in a mining town.
TO: talks funny, i think he's autistic or something.
TO: keeps forgetting basic stuff like colors.
RS: 'Tis all I need to know.
RS: See yyou.
TO: bye!
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] --

>Breathe a sigh of relief.

You breathe a sigh of relief in the most SUPER-SPYEST way possible. You take small relief that Thar sounds a bit more pathetic than you. Perhaps you need a drink, but you don't drink alcohol, so that depressed you a bit.

[Aerozone]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Finally, a picture! Many thanks to the lovely Foxie for her assistance.

You stumble into the back garage that serves as your room and workshop. After helping out in the shop for a few hours your grandpa gave you the rest of the day off, so you went over to the local watering hole and had probably one too many drinks. Now its getting dark and it looks like you have more than a few missed messages on Scrollian.

In your drunken state you decide its a good idea to mess with Vicar. You get the vague feeling that inviting him to play might not have been the greatest idea, but you're hardly at peak operating condition right now.

Let's see, who is someone you actually want to talk to? Oh, Kaie's online, perfect! You've been meaning to talk to her about the game.

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] began pestering tallOrder [TO] at 01:23 --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

BB: heeeeey kaie
TO: heya rolf!
TO: wassup bro?
BB: nm
BB: just back from the pbi
BB: oub
BB: pub
TO: hehe i can tell.
TO: maaaaaaaan i miss drinking.
BB: i knoooow
BB: me teow
TO: no you don't know.
TO: the drinking age here is eighteen.
TO: i hardly ever get anything
BB: wwwhhhhhhhatf
BB: thas criminal
TO: i knoooooooow!
TO: and ma won't let me have any!
BB: thaat
BB: sssssssuck
BB: s
TO: i sneak it when i can
TO: but i can't really fake an i.d. now can i?
TO: only two giants in town.
BB: true
BB: OH
TO: huh?
BB: btq
BB: btw
TO: bbq?
BB: do u kwno how this bame is going down
BB: ?
TO: not sure
TO: but we gotta like have people bringing us in and we bring in other people right?
BB: kay
BB: do we need likw a certain number of peolpe?
TO: umm maybe?
TO: i dunno, how many we got?
BB: urasking> me?
BB: im tryin to find the othe half og the keyboard right now
TO: i think we got like a dozen or so
BB: sodns ood to me
BB: who goes fitrs?
TO: i thought that was you.
TO: i mean i just kinda assumed you were
BB: oh ok
BB: mayb
BB: i gmith hav forgoten
TO: it's cool
TO: you wanna be first?
BB: surre
BB: leading the way
TO: cool!
BB: like a fearles ealdr
TO: yeah, you are the bravest ealdr.
TO: by far
BB: damn starihg
BB: t
TO: hehe
TO: hmm
TO: you know
TO: there's someone we should really invite
TO: i bet you two would get along great
BB: ???
TO: ever meet azima?
BB: nmop
BB: nop
TO: she's a buddy of mine
TO: loves fighting.
BB: works fer me
TO: i'll scroll her later, see if she wants in.
BB: ok!
BB: im feeling sleep
TO: alright, we can hammer this out when you wake up.
BB: mmmmmmkkkkkkkkkkkkmooooooooooool,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.... .....///?":

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] at 01:48 --

You then pass out on your desk.

[Foxie]

>Someone is yelling.



Quite loudly. The conjurer is obviously a little stressed, seeing as he is shrieking at you about being all bloody and dirty. He tells you to look at him, and you try to do the opposite, but something forces you to follow his order. So you opt to just zone out at his face.



You think about how much colder it is in Skyrim then Oblivion, and the game you agreed to play, and how you're rather lonely and could use a nap.
He turns away from you and marches off in frustration. You make a stupid face at his back, which twists into a smile when you hear a 'bing' come from your laptop. You open it up again to find that Lies-In-Wait is online.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- royalInflection [RI] began pestering affableEnemy [AE] at 16:28 --
RI: AE! ARRRE YOU PLAYING THIS GAME EVERRRYONE IS TALKING ABOUT?
AE: Well hello to you too Latroe!
RI: OH YES, HELLO!
AE: Yez I think I might join in the game.
AE: It zoundz fun!
RI: I ALRRREADY AGRRREED TO PLAY, EVEN IF IM NOT SURRRE ABOUT IT
RI: BUT YOU MUST PLAY IT WITH ME!
AE: Of courze I will.
AE: I mean, all of our friendz are playing right?
RI: YES ALL OF OURRR FRRRIENDS, AND VICARRR!
AE: Oh godz that guy.
AE: Well, ok he'z not "that" bad.
AE: Juzt, weird.
RI: MAYBE HE WON'T BE ON OURRR TEAM.
RI: OH, BUT WE MIGHT BE ON A TEAM TOGETHERRR!
AE: There are teamz?
RI: SO I HEARRR
RI: ORRR MAYBE ITS JUST ONE BIG GRRROUP
RI: EITHERRR WAY WE WILL TRRRIUMPH!
AE: Yez!
AE: Againzt what?
RI: I DO NOT KNOW...SCARRRY THINGS?
RI: AND SHARRRKS?
AE: Oh nooooo not zharkz!
RI: YOU'RRRE LIKE A DARRRK WIZARRRD ORRR SOMETHING RRRIGHT?
RI: YOU CAN TAKE SOME SHARRRKS!
AE: I'm totally a dark wizard.
AE: I'll fireblazt thoze zharkz
AE: with fire.
RI: YES GOOD, FIRRRE IS THE ANSWERRR
RI: THIS GAME IS SOUNDING BETTERRR
RI: MAYBE A WASTE OF TIME, BUT A FUN ONE!
AE: Yez, gamez are alwayz a fun wazte of time!
RI: RRREMEMBERRR THAT GAME YOU SHOWED ME
RI: WHERRRE YOU USED THE ARRRRRROW KEYS TO MOVE THE SNAKE ARRROUND TO GET THE DOTS
RI: BUT YOU DIED IF YOU HIT YOURRRSELF?
RI: FUCK THAT GAME
RI: THIS ONE BETTERRR NOT BE LIKE THAT.
AE: That game iz really fun though.
AE: Well ok not really.
RI: THAT LINE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A SNAKE
RI: I'VE SEEN A SNAKE. WHO ARRRE THEY FOOLING?
AE: Nothing getz by you hehe.
AE: Zo, I guezz you've talked with Rolf then?
RI: OH. NO, I HAVEN'T. NOT ABOUT THE GAME.
RI: HAVE YOU?
AE: No...I really zhould get on that.
RI: YEAH. HE IS KIND OF INCHARRRGE IS HE NOT?
AE: Apparently yeah!
RI: OURRR FEARRRLESS, INTOXICATED LEADERRR
AE: He'z done a good job doing whatever leaderz do zo far.
AE: I zhould probably go talk to him zoon.
AE: Zee you later!
RI: GOOD BYE!
-- affableEnemy [AE] ceased pestering royalInflection [RI] at 17:06 --

This is great! LIW is playing as well. With your two closest friends by your side this game won't be so bad.
You are about to take it upon yourself to message Rolf, when The Conjurer dumps a bucket of water over your head.

[Crazy-8]

>Ok be the dark wizard lizard

You are now the ASSASSIN

>Wait what?

You are now Lies-In-Wait and you are currently hanging about your room, which is located within the black marsh dark brotherhood training facility. It's a rather cloudy day outside, doesn't really matter much though, you love it when its like this.

You had just finished being scrolled by one of your friends (which we just saw previously) and were getting ready to do some important stuff to do. Yes. SO IMPORTANT.

>LIW: Flail around with your knives like a doofus.

YES THIS IS SO SWEET. YOU ARE LIKE, THE MASTER ASSASSIN RIGHT NOW. NO NECKS WILL REMAIN UNSCATHED, NO ROPES WILL REMAIN UN-CUT, AND NO LIVES WILL BE LEFT...WELL...ALIVE.

>Wait you're really a master assassin?

No not really, but its fun to pretend. You're just a SHADOWSCALE in training at the moment, been like that since as far back as you can remember. After all, that's what happens to ARGONIANS born under the sign of the SHADOW. Which is kind of obvious considering the name, they should really think about changing it.

>Wow that sounds really dumb, lets do something else.

Yeah sure! Like what?

>Scroll some of your friends and reveal your assassin secrets.

WHAT ARE YOU MAD?!?!

You literally can NEVER let your friends know who you really are. Revealing your identity as a darkbrotherhood member goes against the five tenants that were re-enacted by the guild's current LISTENER. To break even one of those tenants will mean certain death for a shadowscale such as yourself...besides, even if it didn't, you'd probably lose all your friends if they found out...

Oh! Speak of the devil.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering affableEnemy [AE] at 23:15 --
RS: heyy there lizard boyy
AE: Hey there RZ!
AE: Zorry,
RS: hows yyour SCRAWl copyy
AE: I haven't uzed it yet.
AE: Itz zitting on my dezktop, wiztfully awaiting to be opened
RS: where'd yyou steal it from?
AE: Zhowz what you know, I found it on one of my...erm...zcouting mizzionz.
RS: sayying yyou buyy anyything is like sayying Daedric princes are peaceful
AE: Well I can't exactly get good accezz to variouz productz at home.
AE: Zometimez you have to rezort to more zly meanz.
RS: it would be a pompous lie to sayy i didnt use 'zlyy meanz'
AE: Zee?
RS: i bought mine in such a wayy that it looks like i stole it
RS: thats how slyy i am
RS: i can make legitimate means look illegal
AE: Zo you bought it.
RS: not exactlyy
RS: call it post-payying
AE: Zo you...took it and are going to pay later?
RS: i alreadyy did
AE: I'm a bit confuzed though.
AE: Alduzoft hazn't releazed the game, and while you can be zly you're not az zneaky az mr. "mazter thief"
AE: (Don't tell him I zaid that, I'll never hear the end of it.)
AE: Zo how did you get it?
RS: in a daring, and admittedlyy 99%-chance-of-failure move, i worked myy magic on a mammoth to get it to ride me into l'factoryy
AE: Oh
RS: it failed of course and it smacked me off a cliff
AE: Oh!
AE: How did you zurvive?!
RS: i softened myy landing byy crashing into l'factoryy anyywayys, so i took a fresh copyy
RS: now getting out was l'hard part
AE: Oh man!
AE: I bet they zent like, a hundred armed guardz after you!
RS: not reallyy
RS: i just grabbed a bunch of buckets and put it over their heads
AE: That
AE: Zoundz like the bezt plan I have ever heard!
RS: i threw myy moneyy at some random guyy before running out
RS: still not sure if he saw me
AE: And courteouz too!
AE: What a daring move!
AE: It'z like zome zort of action
AE: movie
AE: hero!
RS: ah what can i sayy, I have myy half-elven tactics
RS: im just debating whether or not this copyy is going to burn myy house again
RS: But thank goodness i also inhereted myy ancestor's madness.
RS: because if I wasn't, that would probablyy never work.
AE: Anzceztor?
RS: half-elven ancestors
RS: i hear that back in l'dayy, manyy tamriel people couldn't inviduallyy develop vocal cords, so everyyone sounded l'same!
AE: Wow! That zoundz kind of...zcary to be honezt.
RS: i find it particularlyy jarring to imagine a bunch of people and have them act out a comedyy
AE: That doezn't zound too jarring to me.
AE: Zoundz kind of funny actually.
RS: exacltyy myy lizard friend
RS: but now i must go
RS: myy copyy needs me
RS: and a crevice that needs me
RS: I would fill it with magma if there was anyy here; but there isn't, so I'm filling it with rhesus macaques
AE: Ok!
AE: Tell me how it goez my friend!
RS: alrightyy
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering affableEnemy [AE] at 23:54 --

What a great guy, he always tells really good stories too...hmm...speaking of that you should probably try installing the game...oh whatever, it can wait.

TIME TO WATCH A MOVIE! YEAH!

You waste approximately 2 hours watching a movie.

[Nysus]

>Be the bored fighter

...Dammit.

What's a girl gotta do to get some action around here? ...Not that kind. But your Uncle is out doing...something. You weren't really listening. But of course that means that none of his students are here, either! No one to spar with or even talk to. Which means it's time for one thing and one thing only!

...Time to complain to Kaie.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- ferociousBarricade [FB] began pestering tallOrder [TO] at 11:30 --
FB: Hey.
TO: hey azima!
FB: What's up?
TO: not too much, you?
FB: Way too fuckin' bored. No one's here to spar with or anythin'!
TO: hey, wanna play a game?
FB: What kind of game?
TO: heard of scrawl?
FB: A little bit, but nothin' major.
TO: wanna join my group?
FB: Sure, why not? What do I have to do?
TO: you have the game?
FB: Yeah, I just haven't actually bothered to fire it up yet.
TO: cool!
TO: you know rolf stonebreaker? he's the one leading our team.
FB: I think you talked about him before. He's the guy who likes to drink and fight, right?
FB: Sounds like my kinda guy.
TO: yeah, he's an arena fighter
TO: really cool bro
FB: Alright, so I gotta talk to him?
TO: yeah, he's bacchanalBarfly
FB: Okay, I'll hit him up here in a bit.
FB: So besides plannin' your game shit, how's my giant friend been?
TO: okay
TO: ma confiscated my booze again :P
TO: so that sucks
FB: Man where can she even put your drinks where you can't get them?
TO: hell if i know, she's better at hiding it than i am.
FB: Hey so just how big are you guys anyway?
TO: i'm 12 feet, ma's like 14
FB: Well damn.
TO: haha yeah
TO: don't call us giants for nothing/
FB: She's nearly three of me!
TO: why how tall are you
FB: Anyway, who all else is in your g--oh hell I dunno. But I'm guessin'. I've never actually bothered to check.
FB: Probably like five and a half feet or so?
TO: let's see
TO: hehe
TO: i got a list here i think
-- tallOrder [TO] sent ferociousBarricade [FB] players.txt --
FB: ...Yeah I don't know any of them.
TO: time to get scrolling then!
TO: they're a cool bunch!
FB: What're they like?
TO: it's a pretty varied bunch, who should i tell about first?
FB: Oh shit one of my uncle's students just got here. I'll be back later, I'm gonna go kick his ass. Talk to you later!
TO: later azima!
-- ferociousBarricade [FB] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] at 11:50 --

Well that was fun. Now time to kick some ass!

>Proceed to go kick ass.

You do so, quite happily! But then you feel kind of bad about leaving Kaie like that, so you quickly begin talking to your giant friend again and holy shit this log is way too long.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- ferociousBarricade [FB] began pestering tallOrder [TO] at 13:35 --
FB: Okay, I'm back!
TO: hey again!
FB: Did I miss anythin'?
TO: not really.
TO: same old day really :T
TO: anything cool happen while you were out?
FB: So anyway, you were goin' to tell me about the other people before I left to kick some ass?
TO: yeah, throw some names at me!
FB: Alright, just a sec.
FB: Let me go over this list.
FB: ...Your friends have some weird names, you know that?
TO: who doesn't
FB: I don't know. Kaie doesn't really seem that odd. and I like my name.
FB: Okay I'm guessin' this "Lies-In-Wait" fella is an Argonian by the name.
TO: yeah, he's kinda awesome.
TO: got good taste in movies, kinda quiet though.
FB: Kinda awesome doesn't tell me a lot about him.
TO: he's a pretty private guy, doesn't talk about himself much.
FB: Huh.
TO: loves action movies though and i think he's an acrobat.
FB: Really?
TO: yeah, he seems pretty agile.
TO: he's visited a couple times.
FB: Cool.
FB: So are you guys more than friends? ;)
TO: nah.
TO: we're good friends though.
FB: If you say so.
TO: hey, talos truth here.
TO: he's not the one i got my eye on.
FB: Oh really?
FB: Do tell!
TO: dar'kneevel, the khajit.
FB: Does he feel the same about you?
TO: dunno, he's very mysterious.
FB: Well, good luck, I guess!
TO: he's sort of an acrobat too
TO: and a good climber
FB: Man is everyone here an acrobat
TO: just those two really.
FB: Ah.
FB: Okay how about..
FB: This Faraon person?
TO: she's a bosmer from valenwood.
TO: lives with her big sister and makes clocks and stuff.
FB: I...See...
FB: And Ruvene?
TO: dunmer, she moves around a lot.
TO: her sis has a habit of getting into trouble.
FB: Errrrghghh.
FB: You knooooow how I feel about elves and magic.
TO: dude
TO: she's a nice gal.
TO: calm down.
TO: and she's shy so BE NICE
FB: Okay okay I'll trrrryyyyyy, but only because you're cool and you asked me to.
TO: awesome!
FB: Do any of them actually use magic to fight?
TO: i dunno if ru fights, but fara uses crossbows i think.
FB: Alright.
FB: What about this Thartaag?
TO: another bosmer, from skyrim.
TO: i think he's autistic.
FB: How?
TO: he has this weird way of talking, sorta backwards.
TO: and he forgets basic stuff sometimes, like colors and stuff.
FB: How do you even forget colors?
TO: dunno, he has a few problems but he's a nice guy.
TO: really shy though.
FB: Man there are way too many shy people here.
TO: heh, not too many more i think.
FB: Alright so...
FB: Hmmm...None of them look like Redguard names. Am I the only one?
TO: yeah, pretty much.
FB: Huh. Alright, who's this Claretta?
TO: oh, she's cool!
TO: she's an imperial gal, i think she lives in solitude now though.
FB: That doesn't tell me who she i--huh.
TO: good alchemist, but between you and me i think she eats the ingredients a bit too much :P
FB: ...That doesn't seem very healthy...
TO: yeah i know right?
TO: she's kinda forgetful too.
TO: probably related.
FB: Probably from the--yeag.
FB: yeah.
FB: Okay movin' right along...Vern?
TO: crazy breton dude.
FB: Crazy how?
TO: always doing some kinda experiments.
TO: he teleported a bunch of bears to thartaag's house once.
FB: ...Why?
TO: no idea.
FB: So he's like this weird mad scientist guy?
TO: pretty much.
TO: kinda loudmouthed too.
FB: Even if Thartaag is a Bosmer, sendin' bears to his house seems a little extreme.
TO: yeah, i mean he can handle animals but still
TO: risky
FB: He doesn't sound all that great. Why are you guys playin' with him?
TO: he's a good techie so
TO: we got our own tech support.
FB: Ehhhhh.
FB: I don't know if I trust a bear slin'in' nutjob.
FB: But that's your call.
TO: he's okay most of the time, i think he just doesn't like thar.
FB: Huh.
FB: Okay let's see...You've already told me about Rolf...Vicar...Heraldus Graangh? Man how do you even say that.
TO: i just call him vic.
TO: he's an orc roleplayer, really in character.
FB: How so?
TO: acts all crazy and loud and fanatical and pretends to worship a goldfish.
FB: Wait do you mean he's an orc that roleplays or that he roleplays an orc?
TO: both actually.
FB: ...What?
TO: he's an orc, but so is his character.
FB: Ah.
FB: ...He worships a fish...?
FB: Fish are food, not friends.
TO: well his character does.
TO: lord kabonkabonk.
FB: ...the hell.'
FB: Okaaaaaayyy....
FB: Latroe Sumeer?
TO: i think she's an orc too.
TO: she works a lot, her boss is always dragging her off.
TO: seems tough though
TO: and fighty
TO: and loud
FB: Fighty?
FB: :D
TO: yeah!
TO: i think she's like a bodyguard.
FB: Cool!
TO: yeah!
FB: I like her already!
TO: thar kinda knows her better than i do though.
FB: Let's see, the next one on the list is some girl named 'Kaie'. Sounds kinda goofy. :P
TO: no she's awesome.
TO: strongest girl ever.
TO: benches cars and stuff.
FB: Man no way she probably spends all her time playin' little kid games and cuddlin' stuffed animals.
TO: nope
TO: she plays adult games.
FB: Bet she hates booze, too.
TO: that girl loves her mead.
TO: you don't even know
FB: And I just know she hates it when two guys get together.
TO: ohohohooho
TO: :P
TO: well
TO: who's next?
FB: Arrille.
TO: she's like some artsy filmmaker chick.
TO: i think she's high most of the time, her movies make less than no sense.
TO: but she gave me mead for being in one so she's not all bad.
TO: high elf, by the way.
FB: Ha. High high elf.
TO: haha yeah
TO: never eat anything she gives you.
FB: Will do.
FB: Or rather, won't?
TO: vern did just before he sent thar the bears.
FB: ...Gotcha.
FB: Anyway, I think that's everyone?
TO: lemme think
TO: yeah i think so!
FB: Whoo!
TO: alright!
TO: so you are ready to chat up all the bros!
TO: good luck.
FB: You know, sayin' that makes me kinda nervous.
TO: it's a joke, azi.
TO: just a joke.
FB: Alright, let me up and add all these people so I can see who is on.
TO: alright!
TO: this is gonna be good.
-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] at 22:39 --

Alright let's DO THIS THI--oh well fuck the only one on is one of the elves. Siiiigh okay. You promised Kaie you'd try to be good so here goes. Test of willpower goooooo!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- ferociousBarricade [FB] began bothering intentListener [IL] at 22:44 --
FB: Alright let's get this over with.
IL: hello.
IL: what mean you?
FB: Uh. Talkin' to someone I've never met?
IL: i am thartaag.
FB: Azima.
IL: why scrolled you me?
FB: You're playin' the game Kaie's in?
IL: yes, scrawl.
IL: play you too?
FB: She invited me, yeah.
IL: great!
IL: welcome to the team.
FB: Yeah. Thanks.
IL: this will fun be.
FB: Hopefully. So you're a Bosmer?
IL: yes.
IL: azima is a redguard name, or?
FB: Mmhmm.
IL: okay.
FB: So....
IL: so?
IL: should we of something talk?
FB: I don't really know what to say.
IL: i also.
FB: I only know you from what Kaie said.
IL: from where are you?
FB: Hammerfell. You?
IL: the reach, in skyrim.
FB: What's it like there?
IL: not bad.
IL: it is not so cold as msot of skyrim.
IL: and we have a nice village here.
IL: how is hammerfell?
FB: Can't complain. Except it's pretty borin' when there's no one to spar with. :I
IL: you fight?
FB: I love it!
IL: heh
IL: also can i fight.
FB: A bosmer likes to fight?
IL: why are you surprised?
FB: Here I thought you were all long ranged archers and mages.
IL: i can also a bow use, but with my swords am i betted.
IL: better.
FB: Cool!
IL: what use you?
FB: A sword and shield.
IL: good choice.
FB: Thanks!
IL: i think we friends will be.
FB: So you don't rely on magic?
IL: i can only a little use.
FB: Hmm.
IL: hmm?
FB: I guess that's okay.
IL: it is nice.
IL: ice can helpful be.
FB: Errrrgh.
IL: what?
FB: I don't like magic.
IL: why not?
FB: Magic's for the weak.
IL: magic can very strong be.
FB: but if you yourself are strong, you don't need it!
IL: except for heat and electricity.
IL: and all other things that modern are.
FB: No that's different shush.
IL: different how?
FB: That's not used for fightin'!
IL: but for that is fighting magic needed.
FB: How?
IL: lightning.
IL: fire.
IL: and so on.
FB: But you're not actually usin' it to fight!
IL: though one must with fighting magic train.
IL: and magic works.
FB: Doesn't mean you have to actually use it to fight!
IL: it is good for fighting.
IL: it works.
FB: It's stupid.
IL: no.
IL: one must smart be, magic to use.
FB: But relyin' on it is awful!
IL: why?
FB: It's not a fair fight then!
IL: it is.
IL: magic can swords beat, or swords can magic beat.
FB: It is /so/ not fair! While I'm tryin' to approach some magic user for a fight, they could just put a spike through my head!
IL: or you could stand next to them and a sword through their head put.
FB: I couldn't unless I was next to them to begin with!
IL: or you can dodge.
IL: or with your shield block.
FB: I'm not sure that my shield can stop electricity.
IL: lightning is tougher yed.
IL: yes
IL: but then so are guns.
FB: Guns are kinda cheap too.
IL: they work.
FB: That's not the point!
IL: what is?
FB: There's no honor behind them!
IL: they can honorable be.
FB: Nuh uh!
IL: now sound you silly.
IL: and besides, they are good weapons.
FB: :I
IL: what?
FB: Look Kaie made me promise to be nice so let's just drop it here before I get more agitated.
IL: what?
IL: okay
IL: this is odd.
IL: should we of something else speak?
FB: I dunno. What do you want to talk about?
IL: i know not.
IL: maybe should this goodbye be.
FB: I guess.
FB: See you later.
IL: goodbye friend.
-- intentListener [IL] ceased bothering ferociousBarricade [FB] at 23:45 --

Well that was...less horrible than expected...Ooh! The fighty guy is on! Yay!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- ferociousBarricade [FB] began pestering bacchanalBarfly [BB] at 23:04 --
BB: Hi?
FB: Hey.
BB: Do I know you?
FB: Nah. But Kaie told me to hit you up.
BB: Oh you're a friend of kaie's?
FB: Mmmhmm!
BB: She's awesome, how'd you meet her?
FB: She asked me to join this whole game thin' you guys got goin' on.
FB: Oh, I've known her for a while!
FB: ...
FB: Actually...
FB: I don't quite remember just how we met!
FB: I think I just got bored and was lookin' at random Scrolltags that were online.
BB: Seems legit
BB: And yea if Kaie reccomends you then 'course you can join in
FB: Cool!
FB: So she tells me you're an arena fighter?
BB: Oh uh, yea
FB: That is
FB: so cool!
BB: Mostly backstreet/basement rings but everyso often i get into the smaller legal rings
BB: Haha, yea it is!
BB: I love it
FB: Great!
BB: I haven't lost a fight in ages
FB: So do you use a weapon, or your hands?
BB: My hands =)
FB: Whoa.
FB: That's pretty badass.
BB: Figured the Nine Divines gave me them for a reason
BB: haha yea i guess so
BB: there are a suprising amount of ways to take on someone with a weapon with your hands
FB: Like what?
BB: well if they come at you with a spear, wait for them to stab at you, step inside and past the point
BB: grab the spear shaft and uses their forward movement to pull yourself forward
BB: and hammer their face into the ground
FB: Well what if they have two weapons? Like two swords, or a sword and a shield?
BB: or step to the outside, grab the spear, spin around and elbow them in the back of the head as they go by.
BB: Well two swords is a difficult fighting style, generally really cautious
BB: but when their opponent is unarmed they tend to be more confident
BB: So when they come in swinging you toss dirt in their eyes, or a rock at their face and then dive at their feet
BB: But i usually have gauntlets of some sort so i can also hide em in my sleeves and let them thing they are about to cut through my arm
FB: But if they have a shield, they could just raise the shield to block dirt or rocks!
BB: and then hit them while they're suprised
BB: well with a shield and sword its different
BB: Trash talk till they get pissed and take a strong swing at you, dodge, step inside their range and yang their shield down or forward
BB: yank*
BB: i work with metal a lot though so im pretty good at knowing when/if i can break thier equipment
FB: But what if they keep a cool head?
BB: well the blades in area fights are generally not to sharp
BB: so take one for the team and get inside their swing
BB: and in a legit fight i'd hav emy armor
BB: or i'd be able to hit faster when they had an oppening
BB: or wear them down from having to carry that shield and sowrd everywhere
FB: but if they're smart, they'd keep their shield close to them, and they could use you gettin' inside their sword range to punch at you with the shield and break your nose!
BB: but this is all assuming they arent just better than me
BB: with my guard up i'd be able to protect my face, and be able to see more
BB: so they punch the sheild forward and i grab the edges and let myself get hit back, taking em with me
BB: roll em over me and pin em down
BB: start taking swings
FB: Man do you know how sharp the edge of a well crafted shield is?
FB: If there's a corner on that thin' you could fuck up your hand big time!
BB: ...sheilds arent sharp
FB: Says you. I've cut people with them.
BB: their edges are bent around to help attach them to the planking or leather covering that forms the backbone of it
BB: a sharp sheild is too risky
BB: and even if it were, gauntlets remember?
BB: but assuming i didnt have them
BB: yea i guess i'd cut up my hands pretty bad
FB: Anyway, how old are you?
FB: I mean if you're like a kid and you're winnin' all these fights then holy shit that's impressive.
FB: But if you're some fully grown battle scarred guy then it's still awesome, but less impressive.
BB: im bout 17 give or take a half year
FB: Where'd you learn to fight?
BB: my pa found me back behind his shop when i was just a babe
BB: got into trouble on the streets, used the muscle from working in grandpa's shop to win
BB: but there's always someone bigger and eventaully i got thrashed
FB: By who?
BB: and my grandpa said to me "Im to old and to busy ta keep yah outta trouble, so i might as well teach yah to keep yerself alive"
BB: and he taught me most of what i know, the rest i picked up from the arena
BB: oh some random brother of some guy i'd thrashed earlier
BB: or maybe it was a cousin?
BB: either way
BB: big old hulk of a guy
BB: i think he runs a ring on the other side of town now actually
FB: Did you kick his ass later?
BB: Eh, i was being a brat, him handing my my ass was probably was saved me from getting myself killed
BB: but yea about a year later i beat his face in and sent him packing
BB: thus the whole ring on the other side of town
BB: he's a nice bloke though
BB: But enough about me, tell me about you
FB: What d'you wanna know?
BB: uh i dunno!
BB: what are your hobbies?
BB: what's your name?
FB: I'm a fighter too, actually! Except I don't fight in an arena.
FB: Oh, I'm Azima!
BB: Maybe kaie told you this already but im Rolf
BB: Oh and whats your weapon of choice?
FB: She did! And I prefer to use a sword and shield!
BB: aaah so thats why you were asking earlier
FB: Mmhmm!
FB: And now I know your secrets! >:D
BB: hahaha
BB: hearing about it is one thing, actually fighting is another >=)
BB: and thats assuming i told you all my secrets!
BB: have you had much experience fighting?
FB: Sort of! My uncle kicks my ass a lot, and I spar with his students!
BB: oh well thats good, at least you fought a few different people
BB: everyone has their own flavor of fighting
FB: Yeah! Most of them are still sword users though, since that's what my uncle teaches them.
BB: Mmm, gotta get some variety in their
BB: And most importantly
BB: fight someone who is honestly going to put you to bed for a few months if you dont go all out
BB: no holds barred fights are a whole other beast
FB: My uncle will do that!
BB: Your uncle tries to kill you on a daily basis?
BB: Harsh, man
FB: No, no, he doesn't try to kill me! The swords we use to spar with are wooden! He's just a lot better than me.
FB: And usually he only goes that far if I make him mad.
FB: But it makes me stronger, so that's cool.
BB: Oh yea thats good!
BB: Btw im a nord, from whiterun
FB: Redguard, from Hammerfell!
BB: very cool =)
FB: I'm glad there's someone in this group that doesn't have magic connections!
BB: whats wrong with magic?
FB: Nothin''s wrooooong with it, I guess. But it rubs me the wrong way when people rely on it instead of fightin'!
BB: Hmm i guess
BB: i dont really care what other people choose tbh
BB: though that doesnt stop me from taking precautions against it
FB: Like what?
BB: haha not telling!
FB: Why not? D:
FB: I need to know so I don't wind up as ash!
FB: Tell me your knowledge, O Mighty Warrior!
BB: flatterer
FB: hehehe
BB: and last time you asked me about strategy it was so that you could use it agains tme =)
FB: Yeah but I don't use magic!
BB: Im sure you'll figure something out
BB: ah fuck it
BB: Resist magic enchanments from the local mages guild
FB: Hmmm...
BB: Doesn't take away the sting but i figure thats how you know you're still alive
FB: True!
FB: So I'm guessin' if you're like Kaie's bro you're a fan of the mead, am I right?
BB: You hit the nail on the head =)
BB: Work at the shop all day, win a fight at the ring, get carried out on the shoulders of my fans to the bar for a night of celebration and debauchery
BB: A lot easier to get mead in skyrim than it is for kaie with her mom always watching
FB: Really?
FB: Man I still don't get how her mom can stop her.
FB: I mean she's a giant where can she put the stuff where Kaie can't get it.
BB: She doesnt have any stuff from what i hear
BB: and she has like a sixth sense about it
FB: Huh. I figured she just hid it or somethin'.
BB: I mean i think she has a stash but its hard
FB: How did you meet her?
BB: she used to live in skyrim, near whiterun
FB: So you've actually met her? Cool!
BB: mhm!
FB: Did you two go for a round of fisticuffs?
BB: hahaha! no fucking way
FB: hehehehe
FB: Come on, it would have been funny!
BB: a few of us were hanging out once and on a dare i punched her, light as hell
BB: she did the same
BB: i went through the wall
FB: ...Hahahahaha!
FB: I bet that felt good!
BB: yea
BB: hahaha
BB: yeaaaaa
BB: not really
BB: landed in a hay pile though so that was nice
BB: and i was rather tipsy so that also helped
FB: Did she freak out?
BB: a little but she was tipsy too
BB: and im fairly hardy so i got up pretty quickly
BB: fast enough that they didnt worry too much
FB: Didja get any cool scars from it?
BB: uh not really
FB: Aww.
BB: you like scars?
FB: Scars are the cooliest. But seriously, scars are awesome. It means you were in an awesome fight and lived! :D
BB: Or that your werent good enough to avoid getting cut up
FB: ...True...but I prefer my way of lookin' at it!
BB: hahaha
BB: well my knuckles are pretty banged up
FB: Cool!
BB: what about you, you got any scars?
FB: A few! Sadly, mine are more from your reason than mine :(
FB: But I'm gettin' way better!
FB: I bet I could kick your ass sometime! >:D
BB: Oh you're on girly >=D
FB: Any time, 'Mighty Warrior' >:)
BB: Any place, "Scar Girl" >=)
BB: well its about time to head out to the ring for the night
FB: Good luck! Try not to get /too/ thrashed!
BB: I'll put in the extra effort just for you =)
BB: cya!
-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] at 00:28 --

He is. SO COOOOOOL.

[Aerozone]

>Rolf: Wake up

…Fuck, you drooled all over your keyboard. Guess you better get yourself cleaned up after last night.

A good shower and some tidying up later, you are ready to face the new day…albeit with a slight headache and some grogginess.

>Rolf: Check Scrollian.

Yea thats always a good place to start, usually you don't use your cell-oh who's this chatting you?

-a few minutes later-

>Rolf: Contemplate current situation

Well you just had a pretty chill conversation with Azima. Kinda technical for the morning after a night out. Now you feel like you have to be on your toes. Other than that you're nursing a bit of a hangover. Which reminds you, you should probably get to doing what you originally meant to and check if you messaged anyone last night.

>Rolf: Come across conversation with Kaie

….well shit. What is Talos' name made you ever think that organizing anything was a good idea? You don't do teamwork. You're more of a lone wolf, free gun type. Don't take no shit from nobody and certainly don't babysit a bunch of nerds. Well shit, you're gunna have to straighten it out with Kaie and let her know you weren't being serious. Might be a bit awkward but oh well, what can ya do? Best get to it.

-- bacchanalBarfly BB] began pestering tallOrder [TO] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

BB: Heyyyy Kaie
TO: hey rolf!
BB: Hows it going?
TO: pretty good, you?
BB: Alright, bit of a headache after last night but not too bad
TO: cool!
TO: you were partyin pretty hard iirc.
BB: Haha yea it was a good match, which means a good party.
BB: Anyway I uh
BB: I couldn't help but realize that uh
TO: yeah?
BB: Last night I scrolled you? about the game?
TO: yep!
BB: Well I just realized that I forgot I had a...
BB: previous arrangement?
TO: what?
BB: and i wont be able to play wih you guys
TO: what arrangement?
BB: sucks, i know but thems the breaks
BB: oh
BB: just uh
BB: work?
TO: what sorta work?
BB: just around the shop
BB: you know
TO: roooooooooooooooolf
BB: haha grandpa has alway been a slave driver!
TO: you seriously
TO: suck at lying
TO: i mean come on
TO: you gonna wash your goldfish too? :P
BB: ok, ok, you got me
BB: im actually uh
BB: going to start taking classes again
BB: at school
TO: cmon rolf
TO: what's this about?
BB: well i cant just fight, party, and work in my granpa's shop all my life right?
TO: seriously rolf truth time.
TO: you can tell me i'm like your bro.
TO: except a girl and huge.
BB: argh goddamit
BB: hehe yea
BB: ok
BB: i just cant play
BB: i cant organize people! its not my thing
TO: we're already organized!
BB: well i cant lead, not once we're playing the game!
BB: cmon you know me kaie
TO: thar even made a list for us, he's like your secretary
TO: except secretaries can talk
BB: since when was i one to lend a helping hand?
TO: it's just a game dude.
BB: i do my own thing
TO: you play, you kick some ass, and everything just
TO: unfolds and stuff
BB: yea but still its
BB: well its kinda nerdy
BB: games, that is
TO: azima's cool with it
TO: and she stabs stuff for a living!
BB: azima isnt exactly a social butterfly
TO: same for latroe, pretty sure she's a fighter too.
BB: latroe aint the prom queen either
BB: if it got out that i was playing some game with a bunch of..
TO: and i'm playing it!
BB: people
BB: it could be bad
TO: rolf
BB: well yea but
TO: rolf are you ashamed of me
BB: No!
BB: Nonononono
TO: why don't you wanna play with me rolf?
TO: are you embarassed to be in the game with me?
BB: Ok, first of all, that first sentence reminds me of too many girls from the Arena.
BB: Secondly
BB: im not embarassed, more
BB: oh i dunno
TO: more what?
BB: more...
BB: aw fuck i dont know kaie
TO: not ashamed of your giant brosis?
TO: i'm not too nerdy for you?
BB: you're my bro and all but i live here and i'd have to deal with it all day
BB: what if i missed a fight one night?
BB: and had to explain why?
BB: like, how much of a commitment is this game?
TO: dude it's just a game.
TO: we can plan it around fights and stuff.
BB: so i wont have to hop on ever Fredas night for 4 hours so that we're all online for a big boss fight or something?
TO: nah we can schedule all that.
TO: no SCRAWLing on fight nights!
BB: well
BB: i guess i can say im trying to convince pops that he can trust me with the shop once he's gone...
BB: might be enough of an excuse
TO: so you're in?
BB: arrrrrghhhghhhh
BB: goddamit kaie i was going to get out of this
BB: fiinnnneeee
BB: I'm in.
TO: yesssss!
TO: and if anyone calls you a nerd for it, punch em in the godsdamned mouth!
BB: I'll be the stupid "leader."
TO: show em who's boss!
BB: Hahaha, ok =)
TO: alright leader!
BB: Goddamit you are to good at reading me
BB: and at guilt tripping...
TO: hehe
TO: i guess ma did teach me a few things.
BB: hehe yea
BB: well
BB: i guess i better get to it then
BB: talk to you later?
TO: later bro!
TO: i mean GLORIOUS LEADER

-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering bacchanalBarfly [BB] --

Well that didn't exactly go according to plan. You're gunna have to be careful of that in the future, or Kaie will be able to use that to get you to do whatever she wants.

Suppose you might as well get started with the game so that you don't have to bother with it for a while.

-- bacchanalBarfly BB began scrolling ferociousBarricade [FB] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

BB: hey azima
FB: Hey!
BB: so i was just talking to kaie and she basically said to get started on the game, so i figured if you have it downloaded and all that shit then we can get the ball rolling
FB: Yeah, she told me how you tried to chicken out :p
BB: ...
BB: goddamit kaie
FB: hehehehe.
BB: listen im just a BUSY guy OK
BB: i got IMPORTANT stuff to do
BB: you know how i do
FB: Uh huh. Suuuuure. :p
BB: well no you dont but kaie does, ask her she can tell you
FB: Anyway, let's get this thin' goin'!
BB: ok
BB: i got the client downloaded, so if you have the server, i can be the first to play
BB: im always first
FB: Someone's eager. Alright, I have it dow--pffffhahaha!
FB: You know,
BB: ?
FB: that doesn't say a lot for how much you satisfy the ladies. ;D
BB: ...
FB: >:D
BB: not falling for that one
FB: Fallin' for whaaat?
BB: and besides, you wont know till you've tried >=)
FB: Is that a challenge? >:)
BB: Kaie's told me aaaaaaalllll about how "experienced" you are, so dont even try to compete with me in this field
BB: save it for the arena
FB: ...
FB: fuck dammit Kaie.
BB: ahahahahaha
BB: now i know what its like to be on the other side of that for once
FB: Look I'm a busy girl okay!
FB: I got important trainin' to do!
BB: girl I've got a job, training, the Arena, and the parties
BB: you aint getting no mercy from me
FB: ANYWAY let's get this game goin'!!
BB: haha yea we got a bit off track there
BB: alright, i've got the client booted up
FB: So anyway let's try this whole connectin' thin'.
BB: do you have the server up?
FB: I do! Here we gooooooo!
BB: alright i see you, connecting right now
FB: ...
FB: Whoa I can totally see your house!
FB: ...Kinda messy, ain't it? :p
BB: what
BB: wait
BB: fuck
FB: ahahahaha~
FB: !
BB: listen i just got up from a late night last night
BB: cut a dude some slack
BB: so
BB: what do i do now?
FB: I don't know!
BB: well this is a let down
FB: All I know is I got this mouse dealy over your house and it looks like some machines?
BB: my screen is the same
BB: as before
FB: I wonder if I can click anythin'...
BB: i dunno try it?
FB: Oh man I so can!
BB: HOLY FUCKDGRO:F
BB: NO
BB: PUT IT DOWN
BB: GENTLY
BB: SLOWLY
FB: What?!
BB: That
BB: Is
BB: My
BB: Bike
FB: Yes I can see that.
BB: you do not
BB: touch my bike
BB: do you know how much that cost?
FB: Oh really? >:)
BB: no
BB: please
BB: please just
BB: just
BB: put t down?
FB: Fiiiiiine.
BB: askfl;
BB: no
BB: oh my god stop tossing it around
BB: oh thank god
BB: fuck
BB: this
BB: game
BB: fuck
BB: this
BB: shit
BB: and fuck kaie for convincing me that this was a good idea
FB: This is so cool!
FB: Hahahaha! :D
BB: areigrhalg
BB: OW
BB: THATS A FUCKING COUCH
BB: STOp
BB: of
BB: fs
FB: Oh come on I didn't hit you that hard!
BB: ITS A COUCH
BB: YOU DONT KNOW THAT
BB: PUT IT DOWN
BB: talos
BB: just
BB: stop fucking my shit up
FB: Alriiiiiight chill!
FB: Now let me see what these machines are for...
FB: I think I'm supposed to set them down in your house?
BB: ok
BB: ok
BB: that sounds better
FB: But there isn't really enough room...They're kinda big...
BB: how big are they?
FB: Well, this one's about the size of...
FB: a couch....
FB: :)
BB: this is a garage meant for 6 cars to be worked on, how can they not fit?
BB: oh
BB: oh real smooth
BB: nice
BB: oh my god
FB: :D
BB: can you at least warn me before you throw my shit out the door
BB: i mean
BB: i could have opened it for you
BB: at least toss the shit in the scarp yard out back
FB: Alright alright alright! I'll be nicer now, promise.
BB: ok
BB: so
BB: whats this piece of shit?
FB: Somethin' called a totem lathe?
FB: I think I need to move a car, too...
FB: Where can I put the car?
BB: oh god
BB: argh
BB: uh
BB: take the shitty one
BB: with all the rust
FB: And throw it out back?
BB: yup
FB: Got it!
BB: Totem Lathe huh?
BB: got any totems for me to lathe on it?
FB: I don't think so! Maybe that's what the other thin's are for.
BB: ok
FB: Like that one? Maybe?
BB: whats this one called?
FB: Cruxtruder?
BB: huh
BB: sounds complicated
FB: Looks like there's a lid on top.
FB: Try openin' it while I find a spot for this last thin'.
BB: ok, sure thing
BB: its uh
BB: its stuck on there pretty tight
FB: Maybe I can drop somethin' on it
BB: try the other car
BB: just not the bikes
FB: Okay!
FB: Also the alchemiter or whatever is on the roof.
BB: the roof?
FB: The roof!
BB: you know what, thats actually not horrible considering what could have happened
FB: ...What's that glowy thin'?
BB: i uh
BB: i
BB: dont
BB: know?
BB: its like a strobe light
FB: Hey what are those numbers on the cruxtruder
BB: fuck i dunno does it even matter?
BB: i wanna poke this thing with a stick
BB: but first
BB: ima check out the thing on the roof first though
FB: Right then.
FB: I don't know what else I'm supposed to do on my end though.
FB: I guess I can fuck around with these other options.
BB: yea sure
BB: try to stay away from the bike?
FB: I knoooow.
BB: k, thanks
BB: ok, be right back
FB: Uh huh!

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] ceased scrolling ferociousBarricade [FB] --

Let's see what this thing she put on the roof looks like, shall we? You can deal with the flying disco strobe light later. This game is turning weird fast.

[MrCreazil]

>Hours in the past: Be not many

You are now KAIE as of YESTERDAY. Nothing much going on, just chillin and scrollin. No biggie.

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering ferociousBarricade [FB]--

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TO: hey azi!
FB: Hey!
TO: whassup?
FB: not much. Kinda bored. Thinkin' about gonna get some food.
FB: You?
TO: just talked to rolf.
TO: he was trying to get out of the game :P
FB: What?! D:
TO: don't worry, i got him back in.
TO: he's no match for my wiles.
FB: Your feminine wiles? ;D
TO: in a way.
TO: do ma-style guilt trips count?
FB: Oh? Do tell!
FB: ...No.
TO: he was talkin about how people would think he was a nerd.
TO: "rolf are you ashamed of me?"
FB: Why?
TO: because it's a video game i guess.
FB: Pfff!
TO: he backpedaled faster than i've ever SEEN!
TO: so yeah he's still in!
FB: Good!
TO: i wouldn't use womanly wiles on rolf.
TO: he's like my bro.
FB: Hehehe.
FB: Only on unsuspectin' Khajiits? ;D
TO: hehehe
TO: dunno if we can call dar unsuspecting.
FB: Oh?
FB: Have you made your move already and didn't tell me? :O
TO: i mean i hit on him a lot.
TO: he plays it cool though.
FB: Are you sure you're bein' obvious enough :p
TO: hehe i dunno
TO: maybe i should try harder.
FB: Give me what you've been goin' with
TO: dunno
TO: talking about visiting
TO: hanging out
TO: him climbing me maybe
FB: ...
FB: Kaaaaaaaaaie!
TO: whaaaaaaaat?
FB: He's not a little kitten! (I hope!)
FB: You need to just go out there and like. Pin him down and take him! >:D
TO: azima that sounds kinda wrong
TO: i mean maybe i should be more clear but
TO: im not gonna hold him down and force anything
FB: Well I don't mean rape him!! I just meant be more obvious about it! I mean him climbin' you sounds more like you're babyin' him than anythin'. :/
TO: dunno
TO: it could involve a lotta buttgrabbin
TO: but yeah
TO: gonna suggest makeouts maybe
FB: Hmmm.
FB: Hey how big is a khajiit?
TO: same size as humans and elves and such
FB: Huh.
TO: why?
FB: Because I just had the hilarious mental image of you wearin' a low cut top and carryin' him around in your boobs.
TO: ...
TO: that could be awesome
FB: hehehehe.
TO: gotta see if ma would get me some sexier shirts
FB: >;D
TO: seduction mode activate.
TO: boop
FB: Swoon!
TO: i can be hella seductive when i gotta be.
FB: Oh really now?
TO: really!
FB: Prove it.
TO: wha
TO: what you mean?
FB: Prove you can be seductive!
TO: i have been totally seductive
FB: I'm not seein' any proof!
TO: well yeah i don't go snogging in front of you!
FB: How can I believe my giant friend is gonna be okay with her pussy if I don't see proof?
FB: ...
FB: cat.
FB: I meant pussy cat.
TO: ...
TO: azi no
TO: bad
TO: but seriously i am good at this
FB: how?
TO: success that's how
FB: I mean like
FB: have you ever actually been on a date?
TO: well
TO: no
FB: Aww.
FB: So hey besides bein' huge what is your body even like.
TO: what, never seen a pic?
-- tallOrder [TO] sent ferociousBarricade [FB] dangimhuge.jpg --
FB: ...
FB: Damn girl, you're lookin' fine!
TO: haha thanks
FB: Man LIW got some nice pillows didn't he ;D
TO: pffffffffff
TO: the best
FB: Careful, I might get jealous. :p
TO: haha don't worry
TO: there are probably khajit rogues in hammerfell too
FB: I meant more for his pillows ;D
TO: oh okay
TO: well they're pretty booked as it is
FB: Aww.
TO: i'll see if i can pencil you in.
TO: can't promise rides in low-cut shirts just yet though
FB: That would be so much fun though!
TO: gotta get the shirts first
TO: dunno if ma's gonna let her little baby dress like that
TO: you know how she is about skirts.
FB: Well yeah, but anyone can walk under your legs in a skirt.
TO: still sucks though
TO: skirts are cool
FB: Someone would have to be taller than you if they wanna look down your shirt.
FB: Eh. I've never been that into them.
TO: and besides there are like kids and midgets and stuff
TO: they can look up anyone's skirts
TO: ain't fair that i'm the one can't wear one
TO: amirite?
FB: You want people to see your ass? ;D
TO: no!
TO: well certain people
TO: but it's not my fault if people ogle or whatever
FB: Hehehe.
TO: and i can kick their ass if they do
FB: You know I'd have to look around but if they sell skirts for giants here I could totally mail it to you!
TO: hehe
TO: but still
TO: if ma heard about it she'd kill me
TO: and it's not like i can say it was some other giant
FB: Hmmm...
FB: Maybe a dress then?
TO: well i can get dresses
TO: like long promish ones
TO: just not skirts
FB: dresses can have low cut tops!
TO: hehe yes
TO: gonna ask ma if i can get some sexy stuff
FB: :D
FB: If you do I demand pictures!
TO: give dar a show.
TO: yeah i'll take some
FB: :D
TO: for my pussy
TO: cat
TO: :P
FB: ;D
TO: dar gonna get a show
FB: So does all a gal have to get some boob action is have a tail?
TO: i guess
FB: Man I totally need a tail
TO: and being a cool acroabt helps
FB: I'm not sure which of those would be harder to do.
TO: hehe
TO: aren't you covered in enough bitches without one big enough to cover all the bitches that cover you?
FB: But I gotta find somewhere to get me some boob action too.
FB: Pfff.
FB: There is no such THIN' as too many bitches.
TO: pfffffff true
TO: hmm
TO: by that logic maybe i can have dar AND liw
FB: Maybe!
TO: hehe
TO: harem time.
FB: Aww yeeeesssss.
TO: well, gotta go run this by ma
TO: the clothes i mean
TO: pretty sure she wouldn't approve of the harem.
FB: Probably not.
TO: later azi!
FB: Bye!

-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB]--

THERE IS NO WAY THIS CAN GO WRONG

>Hours in the past: You know the drill

You are now Kaie as of LAST NIGHT, and you new wardrobe has arrived. Time to wow Dar! You get your camera and set to work.

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering sabertoothBorn [SB]--

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TO: heya dar!
SB: hi, kaie.
SB: what could possibly be it this time?
TO: got somethin for ya
-- tallOrder [TO] sent sabertoothBorn [SB] readytoswim.jpg --
SB: yup, sounds like another conversation i will regret lat-
SB: what.
TO: like it? ;)
SB: what the actual flying fuck?
TO: what? D:
SB: what the actual flying, spell-casting, fire-breathing, axe-murdering fuck on a skateboard.
SB: is.
SB: that.
TO: it's my new swimsuit!
TO: what's wrong?
SB: i have been dropping a shitload of hints everywhere for ever now and you still do not get it.
TO: what?
TO: what do you mean?
TO: hints about what?
SB: look, i can see there is no way you will get it the easy way, so we better get this straight now.
SB: i am not interested in you.
SB: i was never actually interested in you.
TO: what?
SB: and every single fucking time you try to make an advance, you only make things even worse.
TO: but
SB: like when you call me darling, hon, babe, or when you send me pictures where you try to show the maximum amount of cleavage, or simply when you fill every single sentence with an insanely huge shitload of innuendo.
TO: but
TO: i thought
TO: you don't like me?
SB: alright, so you got it.
SB: good thing that is finally out of the way.
TO: fuck you

-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering sabertoothBorn [SB]--

((AWAITING IMAGE))

Well
That escalated quickly.
Distraught, you contact your little buddy. First the bottled one, then the Argonian one.

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering affableEnemy [AE]--

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TO: hey liw
AE: Oh, hello there Kaie.
AE: How'z it going?
TO: suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks
TO: an you?
AE: Oh, I'm zorry to hear that.
AE: What'z wrong? :c
TO: dar's an ass.
AE: Oh.
AE: Well yeah he can be kind of a jerk.
TO: i just wanted to talk ans he wad all sorts o mean!
AE: ...Are you alright?
AE: You're zlurring your text.
TO: im fine
TO: jus
TO: he said he din wanna talk t me anyomer!
AE: What happened?
TO: and he didt like me like
TO: ever
TO: i was just talkin and he flipped.
TO: :(
AE: What happened though?
AE: I mean
AE: If you need to let out zome emotionz...
TO: thanks
TO: he was just like i showed him a picture and he said he din wanna talk to me anymore and he dint like me and i should leav him alon
AE: What kind of picture waz it?
TO: some new clothes
AE: That doezn't zound zo bad.
AE: He waz probably juzt overreacting, or having a bad day.
TO: yeah i donno wha his probelm was!
TO: i'm don wiht that asshol!
AE: If you really think that way, then I zay follow that mindzet.
TO: wha you mean?
AE: There are plenty of other fizh in the zea, zo to speak.
TO: yeah
TO: mebbe ill find someone nice
AE: Yeah! A new bezt friend to hang with and ztuff!
TO: i din really mean jus friend liw.
AE: ?
TO: i really thought i loved him :(
AE: Oh...well, I think that my advice ztill ztandz.
AE: You juzt have to move forward.
TO: thanks
AE: :)
TO: ye alwaasy know whatto say.
AE: Not really, it'z juzt the firzt thing that popz in my head.
TO: yer real nice ye know that?
AE: You are too!
TO: thanks!
AE: Iz there anything elze you wanna talk about?
AE: Juzt, in general.
TO: i dunno
TO: wha bout you?
AE: Well I think we zhould talk about fun ztuff.
TO: i jus wanna talk you know?
TO: sure!
AE: Did you hear about the Hiztborn concert tour?
TO: no :O
AE: Oh it'z going to be great!
TO: they comin here?
AE: Yeah!
TO: sweet!
AE: They're having a major tour in Tamriel but after that they're headed all over Niirn
TO: mayb we can see em togehter!
AE: Oh...well...
AE: ...Maybe, yeah!
TO: can you come to th concert here?
TO: or mayb i cna go ther!
AE: I could tell my bro how I want to hang with a friend, and, maybe he could pull zome ztringz...
TO: aw yeah!
AE: I mean, I don't know if it'll work, but itz worth a zhot!
TO: so worht it
AE: Maybe the other guyz can come too.
TO: yeah maybe
TO: yer a great guy you kno w that?
AE: Well thankz!
AE: You're great too!
TO: thanks!
TO: dunno why i waisted all thatt ime on dar with you aronud
AE: Hahaha...what?
TO: i mena yoi alwayd been so nive to me
AE: Well...I'm flattered!
TO: you care an stuff
AE: Thankz!
TO: been chasin that asshoke anf i got a great guy right in front od me
TO: guedd i was rpetty dumb right?
AE: We live pretty far away though.
TO: well yeah but so doed he.
TO: an you always been cool.
AE: Well, there'z no reazon we couldn't try a long diztance relationzhip! I mean, we're friendz and ztuff.
TO: yeah!
TO: youd wanna do that?
AE: Well...what iz a relationzhip like?
TO: liek be a distanve boyfriend?
TO: well
TO: romantic
TO: i guess
AE: Romantic?
TO: i cant words good righ now
TO: an i mean i never really had one before either
TO: i tried but ye know how tha wenr.
AE: I guezz there'z no reazon I can't try.
TO: yeah!
TO: i mean yer a sweet guy so you can be all sorts od romanric!
AE: I guezz?
TO: thanks liw
AE: No problem.
TO: i needdd this
AE: :)
TO: ;)
AE: ?
TO: wha?
AE: What waz the wink for?
TO: dunno
AE: Ok!
TO: tryin to be girlfriendish i guess
AE: Oh!
AE: Right.
AE: ;)
TO: hehehe
TO: awsome
TO: oh siht mas back
TO: later liw
AE: Zee ya.

-- tallOrder [TO] ceased pestering affableEnemy [AE] --


The rest of the night is something of a blur. All you know is that your phone is drowned, the booze is gone, and Ma's favorite curtains have been tailored. With a stapler. You can only remember vague flashes of disaster.



Ma might be a little upset.

[Jovian]

>Hey Ru, it's been a while.

Yeah, so it has.

Turns out, you didn't really have to go do anything when Arri bothered you. You just kind of get creeped out any time she contacts you and you want to leave the conversation immediately. Though her movies are always hilarious, you're pretty sure she doesn't intend them to be so.

She's just weird. And high all the time. You wonder what she's like when she's sober.

Instead you've been playing THE GAMES YOUR SIS'S LAPTOP CAME WITH because your cool GAMING RIG exploded in an incident involving an Imperial guard you'd rather not mention. You're still regretting the loss of SUPER BOSMER GALAXY. So here you are, clicking idly on Minesweeper, extremely bored and waiting for your Sis to come home with SCRAWL.

Oh hey, an unfamiliar face is bothering you. This had better be good.

-- ferociousBarricade [FB] began pestering lilacChaser [LC] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

FB: Hey sup.
LC: oh hi
LC: not much honestly
LC: waiting for sis to get home
LC: god damn she is taking her sweet time
FB: Huh.
FB: Anyway who're you?
LC: names ru
FB: It's like Ruvene or somethin' right?
LC: yup
FB: I think that's what the list said.
LC: i prefer ru but it doesnt really matter
FB: Okay Ru.
FB: Yeah so you're in this game thin'?
LC: yup
LC: my sis has our copy tho
LC: she said she was gonna bring it home today
LC: so im in a bit of a holdup
FB: Well shit.
FB: So anyway name's Azima.
FB: Kaie told me to hit everyone up.
LC: i see
LC: well nice to meet you etc etc i guess
FB: So since we seem to have more different races in this thin' than a zoo, what are you?
LC: dunmer
FB: Man do we have at least one of every mer?
FB: I mean I think the only one I haven't met is an orc?
LC: oh we have an orc
LC: hahahahhaa do we have one
FB: We do?
LC: hes
LC: something else
FB: Wait is that the preachy guy?
LC: yes
LC: unfortunately
FB: Why unfortunately?
LC: hes crazy
LC: well imo
LC: but really now
FB: He seems kinda goofy from what I've heard.
LC: yeah well craziness and goofiness tend to be related
LC: just talk to arri
FB: Oh I talked to her a bit.
FB: I think she was high.
LC: shes always high
FB: She denied such claims!
LC: psh
FB: I'm guessin' you don't like her?
LC: shes okay i guess
LC: shes funny
LC: but she gets real annoying real fast
FB: I dunno. I like her.
FB: Are her movies as weird as they sound though
LC: yes
LC: trust me
LC: they are
FB: Huh.
FB: So uh
FB: I don't know anythin' about dunmer.
LC: hey hold up
LC: you havent even told me what you are
FB: You never asked.
LC: well im asking now you cheeky ass
FB: I'm a Redguard.
LC: ok
LC: so what is there anything you wanna know
FB: I don't know.
FB: Tell me about yourself.
LC: er
LC: idk
LC: im a girl i like games and making fun of people
FB: You don't know yourself holy shit.
LC: i have a spear i think im pretty good at it
LC: omfg i mean i dont know what to say
FB: Hehehehe.
LC: i can make fireballs too
FB: Whoa you like spears that's cool let's focus on that instead of magic.
LC: ha ha ha ha
LC: i sense frustration
FB: Yeah no shit.
FB: Let's go to somethin' other than magic now.
LC: im making a fireball right now
LC: mmm
LC: its wicked nasty
LC: man
FB: ...
LC: lighting up this dark ol caravan
FB: Are you masturbatin' with a fireball.
LC: what would i do without my fireballs
LC: oh yeah you bet
LC: i like it hot
FB: Oh my fuck.
LC: ok yeah this is a shitty joke lets move on
FB: Yeah okay.
FB: So spears.
LC: spears
LC: theyre pointy and shit
FB: Is it just a normal spear or what?
LC: yeah but i like to combine it with my fire sometimes
LC: when an enemy sees you charging in with a fiery spear they back the fuck off
FB: How do you not ruin the metal
LC: fuckin magic
LC: sis does something to it idk
LC: shes better at magic than i am
LC: i just roll with it
FB: What's she do?
LC: its a spell i guess to reinforce it or protect it or some shit
LC: all she tells me is that itll help me combo my magic into it
FB: That sounds stupid and dumb.
LC: yeah well shes stupid and dumb
FB: you don't like your sister?
FB: Man do you like anyone
LC: no
FB: Wow rude
FB: Why not?
LC: cuz people are annoying more often than not
LC: simple as that
LC: i want to be alone
FB: Then why are you joinin' a game?
LC: cuz sis said it was a good one
LC: also im bored
FB: You know what you need.
LC: what
FB: You need porn.
LC: what.
LC: no i just saw some thanks
FB: "You need porn."
FB: Oh really?
LC: yup
FB: Was it good?
LC: nah
FB: Aww.
LC: had lizard dicks
FB: Whoa what a coincidence.
LC: what
FB: Kaie totally just sent me argonian porn for some reason.
FB: I
FB: I wasn't pleased.
LC: ewwwwwwwwww
FB: Ah well. Gal has her kinks, that's her business.
LC: yeah
LC: shes a weird one
FB: Whoa hey Kaie is awesome.
LC: doesnt mean shes not weird
FB: So do dunmer have any cool thin's like bosmer with bows?
LC: well i would say we have the coolest magic around but youd get your undies in a bunch
LC: so im just gonna say were the smartest and the quickest and the coolest
FB: Fiiiiine you can brag about your stupid magic.
FB: Pfffff you are NOT the coolest!
LC: pshhhh
LC: you dont know cool till youve met a dunmer
FB: All I'm gettin' from you so far is some lame hipster vibe
LC: hey
LC: hipsters are gross
LC: im no hipster
LC: i fucking love mainstream shit
FB: Are you sure.
LC: yes
FB: What do you even like though I mean I don't know shit about you still.
LC: i told you i mostly like games
LC: and what do you like huh
FB: Like what kinda games?
FB: and I like kickin' ass.
LC: hm
LC: i like action titles
LC: i like stuff that keeps me on my feet
LC: i just wanna have fun yanno
FB: Sounds like a fight to me.
LC: fighting is fun
FB: It is!
LC: what do you like to fight
FB: Mostly I just spar with my uncle's students, but I'm thinkin' about becomin' an arena fighter!
LC: oh really
FB: Mmhmm!
LC: what do you fight with
FB: How about you?
FB: Oh, sword and board!
LC: i just like learning to fight and escape when i need it
LC: imperial guards man
LC: theyre annoying
FB: Oh are you a lawbreaker?
LC: m a y b e
FB: Oh shit.
FB: So are you stealin' shit or what?
LC: not exactly
LC: sis and i
FB: Then what?
LC: were simple traders ysee
LC: move from town to town
LC: sellin good deals
FB: 'Traders'.
LC: heheh
FB: Well least you're not a thief I guess.
LC: nah i got more dignity than that
FB: Oh really?
LC: yup
LC: we got class
FB: Not so sure about that. :p
LC: pssshhhh
LC: youll see
FB: Will I?
LC: yup
FB: Are you comin' to Hammerfell then?
LC: ive been there
LC: but its not on our list
LC: im talking more the fact that were gonna be playing this game together
FB: So how's that gonna make me see?
LC: well youll see this dunmer beating up all these enemies and youre gonna go "wow shes fuckin classy"
FB: Psssh.
LC: yeah you say that now
LC: just you wait
FB: I'll be too busy kickin' ass myself!
LC: yeah yeahhhh
FB: And I won't need any magic!
LC: its ok dude youve made your crippling magic complex clear
FB: It just shouldn't need to be relied on!
LC: yeah ok
LC: but it certainly looks fuckin cool
FB: I guueeeeeeeeeesssssss.
LC: oh shit
LC: my sis is
LC: ACTUALLY here
LC: so i guess this game promise will actually hold
FB: Awww yes.
LC: see you in a bit, she demands my attention
-- lilacChaser [LC] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB] --

Well, you liked her enough. Even if she was a little cocky. But now you've gotten to the IMPORTANT stuff.

SIS is home.

And in her hand is two SCRAWL discs. You immediately jump up for them, but she holds them up out of your reach.

What's her deal?? You ask for them. Nay, beg. She asks why you want them right away because she has some business to take care of first. You mention that your friends are playing, too.

Big mistake.

Sis is a very greedy and possessive type. She says, oh, it's not going to just be you and me anymore? Well then fuck it. No game for you.

Shit.

You scuttle back to the laptop, hoping you can keep Sis off it for a while more. Looks like you're being pestered yet again.

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering lilacChaser [LC] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TO: hi ru!
LC: oh
LC: hi
LC: whats up
TO: hangin out, doing stuff.
TO: what's up with you?
LC: nothing much just chillin in our caravan blah blah usual nomad stuff
LC: sis is being all mad at me but thats normal
TO: cool.
TO: whereabouts are you?
LC: oh just some rural dinky place i dont even know its name
LC: trees as far as the eye can see
LC: idk what my sis thinks doing business here
LC: i guess she thinks the dumbest suckers would be out here and then she can be on her merry way
TO: maybe.
TO: could be a thing.
TO: say, think you'll be able to stop by here sometime?
LC: i could tell sis but you know what happened last time
LC: they could recognize us
LC: hahaha
TO: oh yeah.
TO: bluh bluh huge chase.
LC: that was a good time
LC: ehh but who knows that was a while back now
TO: yeah.
TO: and if it comes down to it i can wear a long coat and sneak you guys out.
LC: that would be even funnier sure we could do that
TO: hehehe
TO: "miss are there fugitives under your coat?"
TO: "ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT?"
TO: movie material.
LC: yes
LC: exactly
LC: punch them into next tuesday
TO: that might get me kinda arrested.
TO: i mean i can't just punch people willy-nilly like you can.
LC: come onnnn live a little
TO: well that's the thing i think i'll let them live a little.
LC: >:P
TO: i'm a big girl, gotta be careful not to squish people.
LC: okay okay fiiine
TO: :P
TO: this could be an adventure.
LC: man its so boring here maybe i should install that scrawl thing already
TO: i knooooow!
TO: wait you're playing too?
LC: yeah sis got a copy but shes being all greedy with it
LC: i thought i was just gonna play with her
LC: then nooo turns out everyone and their grandma has it
TO: cmon, it's gonna be like "two best friends play"
TO: but there's like ten of us
TO: it'll be awesome.
LC: if you say soooo
TO: i do! :D
LC: XP
TO: ^_^
TO: are we having a face-off?
LC: ok no dont break out the obnoxious emotes please
TO: well...
TO: http://i.imgur.com/d6sAo.jpg
LC: oh god ok i get it stop
TO: hehehe
TO: okay now i'm stopping.
LC: thx
TO: kthnx
TO: oh, there is some news!
TO: you know heraldus?
LC: yeah?
TO: he's making a pilgrimage here to preach about lord badonkadonk or whatever.
LC: wow really
LC: doesnt he have anything else to do
TO: apparently not.
TO: i've never seen one of his shows in person before.
TO: this should be awesome.
LC: well im certainly not going so tell me how it is
TO: i'll film it if he'll let me.
TO: and maybe if he won't.
LC: just wear that long jacket and hide the camera as like
LC: a button or some shit
TO: good idea!
TO: like spy stuff.
LC: yeah!
LC: youll be the most convincing spy ever for sure
TO: or at least the tallest.
LC: yes
LC: no one will see it coming
LC: they would not think it possible
TO: exactly!
TO: >:)
LC: i like this plan
TO: good plan.
TO: best scheme.
LC: yeah well sis is calling me now
LC: ill see if i can swipe that game from her
LC: later
TO: later ru!
-- lilacChaser [LC] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] --

Kaie's pretty okay, you guess. She's got weird tastes but you've known weirder.

But still, you can't delay the fact any further--Sis is mad and she wants her stuff back. She's going to be playing the game with her friends now, and not you. You don't even know where the discs are now. You guess while Kaie was bugging you she hid them somewhere.

Double shit.

[Pepperedfox]

>Clare: Go home.
After wandering around for a long time, asking people for directions and eating some unidentifiable mushrooms (they turned out to be imp stools... ick!) you finally arrive home! Thank goodness! And it seems that you've arrived before your mother, too. You're just going to go inside and pretend that nothing happened at all, play some Harvest Moon, maybe--

>Clare: Enter room. Admire the change in interior design.

Holy Mara.

Who

the

everloving fuck

left these skeevers in your room.

=======>
You cut off the tails of the skeevers first. Waste not, want not.

Then you proceed to kick the corpses furiously.

Goshdarnrabbitfuckerstooleatingsonofanargonianmaid !!!!!!

=======>
You stop to replace your dirty shoes, then give the nearest skeever one last kick.

=======>
You know exactly who is responsible for this.

And you know that it's probably watching you, right now.

You would elaborate on the nature of this it and curse it to high heaven if its dang name wasn't eluding you right now!

>Clare: Equip weapon.
You have two weapons on your person at all times: your trusty QUARTERSTAFF and an ATHAME, which is another way to say knife. You tend to use the latter to gather ingredients. You don't like to use it too often outside of alchemy. You get a really weird urge to make with the stabby whenever you do.

You equip your QUARTERSTAFF. You are going to take down this nuisance once and fo--

-- boisterousTroubadour [BT] began pestering potentFlora [PF] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

BT: HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SCROLLIAN USER POTENTFLORA
BT: ARE YOU READY
BT: TO
BT: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK???????????????? ?????

SWEET DIVINE MARA WHO IS THIS WEIRDO.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PF: Shh!
PF: Don'tbesoloud!
PF: Imean, whois this?
BT: This is THE GOD OF
BT: Wait oops
BT: This is the god of rock and roll
BT: But people call me Dante
PF: I'venever heardof agod of rockandroll.
PF: You'rebeing verysilly rightnow, andI ambusy beingvery busy!
BT: Silly?? BUT I'M BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS!!!!!!
PF: Youdon't soundvery seriousto me.
PF: :/
BT: Well I can ASSURE YOU THAT I AM!!!!!
PF: That isverygood andwell, but canyou assureme quietly!
BT: HOWEVER MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS IT TAKES!!!!!!!!!
PF: No! Pleasestop usingexclamation points!
BT: ONLY IF YOU SAY I'M BEING SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PF: Iwillnot thisis ridiculous! >:/
BT: ADMIT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
BT: I AM SO TOTALLY SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PF: Iam startingtodislike youalittlebit.
BT: HAHAHA!!
BT: I'm just fucking with you I'll be quiet.
PF: :/
PF: ThankMara.
BT: Heheh.
PF: Now whyare youcontactingme?
BT: Oh, cuz you're on the list
BT: The list of people playing this scrawl game
PF: S...crawl?
PF: OhyesSCRAWL!
PF: Iremember now.
PF: Icompletely forgotabout it, heehee.
BT: Heheheh
BT: Hey so, since I answered your question
BT: Maybe you could tell me why we're being quiet?
PF: Iambusy hunting an invisiblestabbywhatchacallit.
PF: Ican't remember its namerightnow...
BT: Invisible.... Stabby...
BT: Uh
BT: What?
PF: It's... ughhowdoI saythis?
PF: It's invisibleand itmesses thingsup and it's beenleaving skeeversinmyhouse whichisnot okay!! >:(
BT: Like...
BT: A poltergeist?
PF: Yesthat isthewordI waslookingfor!
PF: Thankyou.
PF: Thisghosthas gonetoofar. I havetostop itbefore mymothercomes home and blamesme!
BT: NOOOOOO PROBLEMOOOOOOO!!!!!
BT: Oh sorry!!
BT: What's it been doing?
BT: Like, specifically
PF: It'sbeenleaving deadskeevers everywhere.
PF: Ilike theirtails!
PF: ButI don'tlikewhole skeeversdumpedinmyroom!
BT: Woah, gross!!
PF: Yes! :/
PF: AndI amsurethat thewatchathingy is watchingme rightnow, thejerk.
BT: The poltergeist
BT: And yikes!
PF: It'snotyikes. It'sinfuriating!!
BT: Oh
BT: Then grrr?
PF: Howlingandroaring is morelikeit.
PF: Thedeadaresorude!
BT: Like....
BT: AAAWWWWOOOOOOOOO GRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAANNNNN
PF: Hehe. Yes!
PF: Andmaybe somestompingtoemphasize.
BT: AAAAWWWWWOOOOOOOOOWOOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOO GRRRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAN *Stomps around a bit* AWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PF: Youarebeing sillyagain! Hehe.
BT: Heheh!
BT: Well, I guess I'll leave you to it then!!
BT: Oh wait
BT: What was your name??
PF: YoucancallmeClare C:
BT: AAAAAAAALLLLLRRRRRIIIIGHT!!!
BT: It was TOTALLY ROCKIN' TO MEE YOU CLARE!!!!!!!
BT: TO MEET YOU ALSO
PF: It's... nicetomeet youtooIguess Dante.
BT: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!
BT: Good luck with your GHOST THING!!!!
BT: ROCK ON, CLARE!!
PF: I'lltry!

-- potentFlora [PF] ceased pestering boisterousTroubadour [BT] --

>Okay. Let's get back to business.
You breathe a sigh of relief, glad that's over. You like to meet new people, but right now you have no time for silly rocker Whatever-His-Name-Was. There's an ancient feud for you to finish, a battle that's been waged as long as you could remember, back when you--

>Stop being so dramatic. It's just a ghost.
It is not just a ghost! It is a pain in the butt and a huge jerk that likes to frame its terrible pranks, and sometimes knives, on you. Mother would scold you all the time because she'd think that you stabbed the housecat or carved eerie messages into the walls. You don't remember a lot about the ghost since it hadn't been around for months, but now that it's back you remember enough to be annoyed. Especially after it dumped those skeevers in your room. What a waste of resources! You'd rather it dump a pile of tails for you to find. At least that'd be helpful.

>Wow, get over it. Just find it already.
Fine.

You hear ominous creaking in the hallway. You peer out your door to see a translucent figure with its back turned to you.

Aha. Here's your chance.

You sneak towards it, raise your staff, and...

GOTCHASUCKER.

=======>
The ghost hears your taunt and vanishes! Your attack hits the floor. You see a mysterious white liquid on the ground.

...

Is that milk?

>Ghost: Activate MAXIMUM PRANKSTER MODE.
Suddenly, everything in your room flies straight toward you. A milk carton hovers in the middle of the chaos, spraying milk everywhere. A chuckle echoes through the house, eerie but mostly annoying.

You are now soaked with milk! -10 to VISIBILITY, +20 to RAGE!

>Clare: Strife!
You swing your quarterstaff, but you get smacked in the face by milk-sodden skeevers!

Ewwwww.

You see the ghost vanishing at the end of the hallway. You would chase it but you are caught in the JUNKSTORM!

-- tallOrder [TO] began pestering potentFlora [PF] --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TO: hi clare!

WOW THIS IS REALLY NOT THE TIME.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PF: Whoisitnow!
TO: it's kaie.
TO: you okay pal?
PF: Yes, IknowIjustrememberedit's just
PF: Okay, Iamsorry. Iamjustalittle busytryingto pummelsomething rightnowbutit isn'tWORKING.
PF: Notpummel. Exorcise. Whateverthewordis.
TO: huh?
TO: what's going on?
PF: Things! Thedoohickeys flyignaroundto thewatchacallits andthe milk cartonsspilled alloverthe stabbedrodents!
PF: Thiswholemess!
TO: umm
TO: okay i guess i missed a lot
TO: i was just gonna gossip and stuff
TO: is this a bad time?
PF: Badtime? Nonono, it'sjust an... ugh... whatisthatword?
PF: Inconvenient, that'sall. Bluh.
TO: wanna talk later then?
PF: Ithink that'dbebest because Ihavehad itupto HERE withthis bobdangnabbitedspirit!
TO: okay
TO: afraid i don't know anything about spirits
TO: have you tried calling a priest of arkay?
PF: ...
PF: Ican'tbelieve Iforgotthat.
PF: Okay. Iamgoing togotoMother'sroom andretrieve everyamulet thatshehas inthere.
TO: okay!
TO: you get those spirits!
PF: ThankyouKaie!
TO: but still might wanna call a pro on this
PF: Don'tworry, Iwon'tforgetit!!
TO: talk later then?
PF: Youbet!!
TO: bye clare!

-- potentFlora [PF] ceased pestering tallOrder [TO] --

>Clare: Escape!
You smack your way out of the junkstorm through sheer will and pigheadedness and dodge the jars tossed your way.

You are through with games.

This is war, Mr. Ghost!!

[Capric Monarchy]

>Contact Thar.

You seethe with impotent rage at the name. Reluctantly, you open up your SCROLLIAN client and contact Thar. You wonder if this Bosmer speaks a different language, or possibly is braver than you. Maybe he's stronger, and more quick-witted. Perhaps he's more handsome than you? Or what if he's much closer friends with your friends than you are? Oh no, what if he's planning to woo them? By the Eight Divines, you just hate him already. You gather up what composure you have and message him in the most calm fashion you can muster.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] began pestering intentListener [IL] --
RS: IS YYOUR NAME THARTAAG
IL: yes.
IL: who are you?
RS: I COME IN THE FORM OF HOLYY JUDGEMENT
RS: I AM THE WRATH OF THE BRETONS MADE FORM
IL: what mean you?
RS: It means we're the best bros in the whole fucking pod.
IL: i understand not.
RS: Is it true yyou're a Bosmer?
IL: yes.
IL: why ask you?
RS: I come bearing the friendship of Clare and Kaie.
IL: bearing?
IL: of what talk you?
RS: Be myy friend.
IL: okay?
RS: Awesome.;
RS: I'
RS: I'll send yyou presents everyy now and then.
RS: Mainlyy drinks.
IL: who are you?
IL: you need nothing send.
RS: I Am Vern Gaillard.
RS: The most handsome Breton around.
RS: And be sure to drink everyy last drop of myy token of friendships.
IL: what will they be?
RS: Drinks.
RS: Theyy are veryy delicious.
RS: I made them myyself.
IL: what for drinks?
RS: Because I love yyou so much.
IL: but of what kind are they?
IL: love?
IL: is this not fast?
RS: Woah, hold on brother.
RS: I don't swing that wayy.
RS: This is simple a token of friendship.
RS: Heyy
RS: Listen.
IL: yes?
RS: YYou are living in a fantasyy world.
RS: Smile.
-- roentgeniusStratocaster [RS] ceased pestering intentListener [IL] --

You take small pleasure that he knows not of his demise. But that pleasure is shattered by the thought of you making out with Thar. You have spent too many years associating with the Elven trends. They were as bad or worse than the ancient Dwemer. You can't wallow in that kind of sentimentality for that long without some of it rubbing off. Fortunately it hasn't totally blotted out your good sense and superior half-Nord blood. You're only occasionally girlish and gushy. If you can avoid yourself during those seizures, it's almost as if there were nothing wrong with your newfound murderous tendency.

>Do something else.

Like... ?

>Go talk to your Bro.

Like hell! It's way too dark around your house, and he's a massive dick, and then there's the fact that your apartment is like a neverending series of equally neverending hallways, and don't even get me started on how he just zips around like a dick, watching your every move. Big Bro couldn't get more narcissistic than he is right now. Even now, you bet he's watching you get angry at nothing.

>Go talk to your Bro.

No way! You just explained why you don't want to talk to him!

>Go talk to your Bro.

FINE! You walk out of your room and enter the vast darkness of the labyrinth that is your apartment. You don't know if anybody lives here with you and your Bro. In fact, you've never seen anybody come out of their rooms. You make a safe bet that you're utterly alone here. Your eyes adjust to the darkness quickly and you make your way to your Bro's room.

========>

It's locked, and all you can hear is muffled rap music blasting from the door. You can just feel the vibrations, and all it does is make you nauseous. Soon it starts giving you headaches. You wonder why you're even bothering to try and talk to him. he's such a condescending dick. You don't think you've ever seen him talk.

>Contemplate other options.

Well, for one thing you're stuck in your home, a large labyrinthine of empty rooms and nonsense junk your Bro collects in your neverending journey of oddjobs. This apartment complex serves as a 'home base' for your operations and other stuff you two do. You wish he'd do more with you. Like actually hug you, for instance, or say 'I'm proud of you' or 'I love you'. But he doesn't and you're stuck with having to act like a bratty half-pint and complain about everything and doesn't do shit.

Everything is stupid. School started back up a few months ago, and it sucks, so what else is new. Apparently you're considered a high schooler now since you would have had a birthday while you've been here, but you know. Guess it was too much for Shornhelm to actually make you look older or something too. You guess that's just too hard for it. They can say you've been here for a year sure, but make you look it? Naw.

You can't even remember when your birthday is. Isn't that funny. You mean, you know you have one, right? You must have. You were born, you didn't just start out floating in the void of your mother's womb.

You remember being asked about how you got so bitter. You just stand there laughing at that memory.

[Aerozone]

=>Rolf: Tell us what you see

Woah, what's going on over there? Looks like there have been a few fires around the city. Seems like the fire department is responding already so thats good, but you've never seen 'em get this big. Gas main must've exploded or something. You take a few photo's with your phone to put online later, then walk over to the little hangout area you made on your roof.

You turn around and look at your roof. It's mostly barren, except for in the center, where you have placed various couches, chairs, and tables. A large old red oil drum sits in the center to serve as a makeshift fireplace for the cold nights of Skyrim. Just off to the side of this area stands the machine Azima just placed. You walk over and examine it, trying to find a button or lever or something you can do. You are about to go online to see if there is a walkthrough when Clare pesters you.


-- potentFlora [PF] began pestering bacchanalBarfly [BB]--

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PF: Kaie Ineedtoask youaquestionabout theseamulets.
PF: Whichone doyouthink wouldbethebest to killaghost???
BB: wha?
BB: sorry clare, im kinda busy
BB: started playing the game and its totally nuts
BB: plus it looks like a few places across the city are on fire
PF: What??
PF: Cityfirewhat?
PF: Wait, thisisn't Kaie, isit.
BB: no this isnt kaie, this is rolf, and yea i dunno, i went up on the roof to check out the alchemiter thingy azima put there and there were fires in like three parts of the city at least
BB: not crazy huge but bigger than i've seen before
BB: dunno whats going on
PF: I'msoconfused whatisanalchemiter?? Whyisthere fire? Isit NationalArsonDay????
BB: fuck im confused too clare
BB: its like this machine
BB: a big square base
PF: There aremanytypes ofmachines likethat Rolf!
PF: Youarenot beingvery helpful.
BB: with a smaller circle bit on top
BB: lemme finish clare geez always speeding around
BB: and then this little pedestal
BB: with a robot arm behind it that has a spindle at the end of it
BB: no buttons, levers, nothing
PF: Soit'smodern art????
BB: i guess???
BB: but its part of the game
BB: and the other machines look just as weird but one of them did something already
PF: Idon't thinkI canrememberallof themachines you'relisting.
PF: Iamalready a littlelost!!
BB: well i only mentioned one i think
BB: but there are two others
BB: one with the same base as the one on the roof but it has a cylinder on the top and a screen with numbers on the side
BB: and other thats too complicated to describe
BB: but hey im lost too
PF: Thatmakes bothofusthen!!
BB: azima says there's nothing else that she can do so i have no goddamn idea what to do
PF: Youshouldtry percussivemaintenance. Or youcouldtrytastingsome oftheknobs.
PF: Oops, I meantwirling, nottasting!
BB: ...
BB: Lets pretend thats true for the sake of ease
BB: percussive maintenance?
PF: Don'tgames havethequestion doohickeymajiggers? FatAQs?
PF: Yes!! Kickandbiteandthrow thingsaround!
BB: Oh!
BB: actually thats a good idea, it worked for the cruxtruder-i mean, the boxy-cylinder-number-screen thing
BB: and yea i guess i could check out a few faqs
PF: Yes!! Hittingmachines isagood waytofixthings!!!
PF:
BB: man kaie told me this wouldnt be a huge time sink but i havent even started playing and i already need to fucking research stuff
BB: sigh
BB: i guess i better get back to it then
PF: Heehee.
PF: Goodluck toyou!!!
BB: oh but what did you need with the amulets earlier?
PF: Oh, nothing.
PF: I justneed tokillaghost.
BB: huh
PF: Ithink I'vecorneredhim, soit's undercontrol! C:
BB: Arkay is our God of Life and Death, so maybe that?
BB: oh
BB: ok
BB: Best of luck, ttyl!
PF: Thankyou!!! That'sveryhelpful!
PF: Goodluck withyourgame!

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] ceased pestering potentFlora [PF]--

You approach the weird platform and begin to hit it with a crow bar that was laying around, as per Clare's suggestion. You try to pry the top off of the cylindrical bit to see if it was like the cruxtruder inside, but to no avail. Looks like you're down to you last few options. IT would be so embarrassing to have to check a guide before you even really started playing the game, so you pester Azi first to make sure she didn't forget anything.

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] began pestering ferociousBarricade [FB]--

show spoiler

hide spoiler

BB: yo azi i hit the machine you put on the roof with a crowbar and nothing happened, are you sure there's nothing left that you can drop?
BB: cuz if there isnt ima have to hit the faq's early
FB: Well I mean there's this card thin'y but I don't see what'd it be for.
BB: i dunno maybe its instructions
BB: gimme
FB: Alright just a sec
BB: i wanna get through this set up stuff so i can head into town tonight
BB: maybe plya the game later
BB: oh great placement
FB: I know right best.
BB: entire roof is empty and you drop it on my head
BB: alright lets see here
FB: Hehehehe.
BB: yea ima go see if any of the other machines work with this
BB: doesnt look like this one can use it
BB: i'll pester you again if nothing works
FB: Oh okay.
FB: Anythin' else you need?
BB: not that i know of
FB: Alright!
BB: maybe let the others know about this stuff so they can get through the set up faster
BB: instead of having to bumble around like we did
FB: Can I throw their cars around?
BB: whose cars?
FB: everyone else's.
BB: i mean if you're their server i guess
BB: i dont think they have cars though tbh
BB: alright ima get to it
BB: thanks azi, ttyl

-- bacchanalBarfly [BB] ceased pestering ferociousBarricade [FB]--

>Rolf: Descend

You grab the card that Azi tossed at your head off the floor and head downstairs to see if the other machines have any use for it.

The first thing you notice as your room comes into view is that there is a cylindrical shiny thing near the cruxtruder. Must've been distracted by the strobe and not noticed it popping out. A quick search shows that the card doesn't have anything to do with the cruxtruder. You walk over to the totem lathe and check it out. The levers and buttons and dials seem to do nothing, but there is a slot that looks like it might fit the card. And sure enough it does. However, nothing else happens.

You wander over to the cylinder thing and pick it up. Since it came out of the cruxtruder you guess it won't have anything to do with it. You decide that you might as well save yourself a trip up to the roof and see if it works with the totem lathe, considering it's kinda totem like. And 'lo and behold, the machine starts up, the needle descends and begins to work in sync with the arms holding the cylinder. A few moments later you have an oddly carved shiny thing instead of a cylindrical shiny thing. As you take it up stairs to try it out on the last machine, you think about how useful a machine like the totem lathe would be in the shop.

>Rolf: Ascend

You kick open the door to the roof, sculpture under your arm and step into Skyrim's lovely sunlight. Yea right who do you think you're fooling, it's cloudy like always. The first thing you notice is the the fires seem to be more under control, but there also seem to be a few more of 'em across the city.

As you walk over to the alchemiter, you decide to pester one of your friends to see if they can search the net to figure out whats going on with the fires in Whiterun for you.

You place the weirdly shaped shiny thing on the main platform of the alchemiter. Nothing happens, so you move it over to the cylinder with the needle. As soon as you place it on the podium, the needle arm comes to life, and begins to trace the shape of the shiny blue totem. And before you can understand what's going on, a blue mirror appears on the main platform of the alchemiter. What the fuck are you supposed to do with this thing? It seems to be a regular old mirror, albeit slightly blue. It shows a reflection of you, of sorts. You make a few faces in it, try to see if a message is written on it like in that one movie with the shower/steam/mirror message. You even try to break it, to no avail.

You know what fuck this shit. This game has been very disappointing so far, you're not even sure it qualifies as a game. You've done enough for today, time to kick back and relax. Kaie can just suck it up and wait for you to start playing.

As you trudge downstairs you glance as the timer on the cruxtuder and see there are a couple of hours left. Oh well, you already took care of the totem so it doesn't really matter. You grab a beer from your fridge, turn on the t.v., and flop down on your favorite couch.

Several drinks and two tv shows later, you are finally down with this stupid strobe light's shit. You pick up random object laying around the couch and begin throwing them at the glowy ball. Unfortunately, your drunken state makes this considerably harder than it normally would be, and you tear through ammunition fast. You finally manage to score a lucky shot with your gauntlets, only to watch them disappear and the strobe ball turn into a pair of strobe gauntlets. …Nope, you are too drunk to handle this right now. Time to abscond to the roof.

You stumble up to the roof once more. Now that you think about it, it's time to show that mirror who's boss. Ain't no mirror gunna tell you what to do. Who does that mirror think it is anyway? You're gunna march straight over to that mirror and-woah. What in Oblivion is going on in the city? The fires from earlier seem to have been taken care of, but now there are three new ones for each one that had been burning before. This is getting kinda ridiculous, you'd better ask Grandpa if he wants to head out of town for a while to avoid whatever it is that's causing all that ruckus.

AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? Nice try Mr. Mirror but you aren't sneaking away this time. You and your twin brother are staying right here. Look at you, thinking your reflection is so clever. "Weh, look at me I reflect stuff but with TEARS in it." Well guess what asshole, mirrors are supposed to reflect what's ACTUALLY HAPPENING, so HA! You suck at your job. You were made to do one thing and you can't even do that right, hahaha. Now change your stupid reflection. Hey I said change your reflection! HEY! Stop showing me like that! Don't be cheeky with me, how about I break you, huh? How would you like that? Well take this! Aaand that! …What the fuck are you made of, mirror? Alright, time to end this you stupid mirror.

You give yourself some room and take a running start to lead into your final punch. You're gunna give this lying mirror what for.

Two things happen:
1) You successfully break the mirror in your drunken stupor. Congratulations idiot.
2) You break and cut your hand. As the pain pulls you into unconsciousness, you see a wall of white light rush towards you.

[MrCreazil]

Ah, but surely you tire of drunken children? Modern folk have no time for such silliness. They long for more serious things, like paperwork and suits. M'aiq will tell you of such things. M'aiq will tell you of the intrigue at Aldusoft, where a clever young programmer found a flaw in SCRAWL that made it terribly easy to pirate. M'aiq will not tell you of this programmer, as he was far too clever to get involved. He did the responsible thing and let his bosses take the blame. And so they took it, all the way to a poor unfortunate elf who must now take it to the Board of Directors. M'aiq does not envy this man. At least half of the board are lunatics. Possibly all. But the elf has nobody else to saddle with this, so he must shoulder this burden himself.



He hopes that they are feeling charitable today. M'aiq wishes him luck, though M'aiq doubts he will have it. The old men are not known for their charity. M'aiq will let him take this from here. The old men do not like to turn on the lights in the boardroom, and Mai'q has already overused his night vision. Besides, M'aiq is sure the little elf will be fine. He is only going into a darkened room full of crazy old rich men. What could go wrong?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

UMBACANO: Sirs? There's been a slight issue with SCRAWL...
???: Could you not handle it yourself?
UMBACANO: Well, we thought it would be best to alert you. It is rather serious.
???: Will there be a point somewhere in this conversation?
???: Maybe if you would stop interrupting him.
???: My apologies, chairman. Keep talking, boy.
UMBACANO: There's a flaw in the DRM, it literally cannot work. There is nothing stopping anyone from pirating it.
THE CHAIRMAN: Oh yes, that. We are well aware of that feature.
UMBACANO: Feature?
THE CHAIRMAN: It's a part of our creative vision. See to it that report is buried. As far as the public is concerned, everything is fully functional.
UMBACANO: But sir-
THE CHAIRMAN: Was I unclear?
UMBACANO: ...No sir.

Well, M'aiq did not expect that. It seems the elf was lucky after all. M'aiq must be off now, before that orc wants his wagering money. Until next time.