==> Be the Bluh Bluh Huge Bitch
Hah!!!!!!!! I 8et you'd like that, wouldn't you? Can't say I 8lame ya; I am pretty fucking awesome. 8etcha we'd make a kickass team; You guys would totally tell me what to do and I'd 8e all like "8ooyah!!!!!!!!" and then we'd rock this country like a hurricane!
Too 8ad, suckers. May8e another time. ;;;;)
==> Lieutenant: Give the commander the bad news.
D:< > OKAY, THE THING ABOUT GIVING NEPETA BAD NEWS IS THAT SHE BARELY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING. WHETHER IT'S JUST BECAUSE NO ONE EVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME OR JUST BECAUSE SHE GENUINELY DOESN'T CARE IS UP FOR DEBATE. SERIOUSLY, YOU WILL HAVE A HELL OF A TIME TRYING TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT. AND THAT'S ONLY ASSUMING I HAVE ANYTHING THAT CAN QUALIFY AS BAD NEWS. OR HELL, ANY NEWS AT ALL!
D:< > NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG; NEP ISN'T A BAD CHIEF OR ANYTHING. SHE MANAGES FOOD STOCKS, LEADS THE HUNT, LOOKS OUT FOR THE PEOPLE'S WELL BEING, THAT SORT OF THING. JUST WISH SHE'D STOP BEING SO DAMN QUIET ABOUT IT, BECAUSE HALF THE TIME, MOST OF US DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE'S UP TO. LIKE RIGHT NOW, FOR INSTANCE. DIDN'T EVEN SEE HER AT FUCKING BREAKFAST.
D:< > ALRIGHT, SO IF IT SOMEHOW ISN'T OBVIOUS YET, LET ME STATE OUTRIGHT THAT I HATE THIS JOB. AT THE VERY LEAST THEY COULD HAVE LENT ME A COMPUTER TO TYPE WITH, BUT NOOOOO, LET'S MAKE KARKAT DO THIS AS SLOW AND PAINFUL AS FUCKING POSSIBLE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS? WHEN I GOT TO HUNT FOR SHIT AND EAT IT! SIMPLE, AWESOME, AND THE BARE MINIMUM REQUIRED TO SURVIVE WITHOUT THIS PAPERWORK BULLSHIT INVOLVED.
D:< > EVEN NEP, BEING IN CHARGE AND ALL, FINDS TIME TO DO JUST THAT, AND HERE I AM, KEEPING TRACK OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE KILLS AND WHETHER WE'RE RUNNING SHORT ON FOOD OR FUNDS OR WHATEVER. WE ARE, BY THE WAY. JUST A HEADS UP.
D:< > IN HINDSIGHT, MAYBE *THAT'S* WHY NEP IS BEING ALL SECRETIVE ABOUT HER BULLSHIT. WE BARELY SEE HEAD OR TOE OF HER NOWADAYS, AND EVEN IF WE DID, WE'D BE LUCKY TO GET THE TIME OF DAY OUT OF HER MOUTH. REMIND ME TO SCREAM AT HER ABOUT THAT LATER.
D:< > BY THE WAY, AS COOL AS VANTAS SOUNDS, MY NAME IS KARKAT LEIJON. GET IT RIGHT, FUCKHEADS.
D:< > WOAH WOAH WOAH WAIT.
D:< > WHO THE FUCK IS THAT? AND WHY IS SHE LEAVING FROM NEP'S ROOM OF ALL PLACES? THAT PLACE IS SEVERAL KINDS OF *OFF FUCKING LIMITS*
==> Nepeta: Explain why you attacked that biclops.
>:|| > You're probably thinking that the biclops was property of Captor's forces, and you'd be half right. This fellow was imported from Captor territory and was serving Peixes as a bodyguard, and in turn, they got their own cool monster to play with. This kind of tradeoff between tribes isn't too uncommon; After all, certain species, food, and various products are unique to each region that most others will want. Besides that, we need to maintain some relations with the other groups if we want to avoid conflict. Though obviously that's not the case anymore.
>:|| > I would absolutely love to explain more, such as why I killed the damn thing, but I'm busy. The longer this takes, the more likely I am to get caught, so hush and let me work.